not gonna lie i’m really really not doing good rn

Like IDK, you ever just feel like you don't fit in a place even if you want to? Like it's not you shaped? Even if they might want to change, you don't want to ask for it?

ooc ;

It’s storming really badly here. Unfortunately, my house is surrounded by gigantic pine trees.

I need every public place to have detailed descriptions of the entire place + how to behave and what behavior is acceptable or not and i need it all as straightforward as humanly possible

Fuck. welcome to 2024, major tsunami warning for the west coast of Japan, holy FUCK

Three massive quakes in Ishikawa, all in under 20 min, and a 5m tsunami warning, ffffffff

if you are there, get the HELL OUT. do not go film it for the love of GOD

EDIT getting a chain reaction, it's setting off other epicenters on the west coast, so UM YEAH WHAT THE FUCK 2024! Has there ever been a biggie on New Years before? Hopefully everyone is away from home and way into the city away from the coast.

Me and Kizaru during this 3 week break my GOD

We really going through it this arc 🙃

Buddie feels SO inevitable to me sometimes like, I genuinely can’t see them not going canon after everything that’s been presented to us, but then I see other posts and interviews and I remember that I actually DON’T know what’s going to happen & I feel a little insane??? Like, am I gaslighting myself rn?? Am I certifiable??? wtf is happening??? Is this all in my brain??? Have I lost my actual mind???? Like, reality boops me on the nose sometimes and I am always confused by it 😂

I sure say “I want to die” a lot for someone with crippling health anxiety

imposter syndrome can suck my—

honestly shout out to “visibly queer” people. shout out to us because it’s really fucking scary. i think people think that if you’re visibly queer you’re automatically confident and unafraid and while I’m sure that’s true for some people, in my experience that’s not the case. I make a choice to be visibly queer because of the amount of times people have told me that it makes them feel safer to be themselves. That doesn’t mean I’m suddenly completely unaware of what could easily happen to me every time I leave my house. It’s more than nerve-wracking. I’ve even seen people say that the visible queers are privileged because clearly we’ve never faced discrimination otherwise we wouldn’t have the freedom to be so open but that’s really dismissive of the work so many of us have had to put in to be confident enough to be that way. i see the eyes on me as I walk down the street and they burn into my skin. It is scary. I see a lot of support for people who have to hide their queerness, which is not a moral failing in any way, but bravery isn’t just one thing. Visibly queer people are not silly stereotypes. Twinks who fit every gay guy stereotype proudly are not your enemy they are your fiercest allies, so are the genderfucky trans people who don’t make an effort to pass as cis and the butches and studs who are fucking proud. We’re brave and just because we appear so confident and impenetrable on the outside doesn’t mean we don’t have the same struggles or support needs. So just shout out to us. I’ve had a few… experiences… lately and it’s made me reevaluate my decision to always be so open, but I’m willing to risk my safety to make a change and make others feel safe and I and others are brave for that and deserve your love.

I cannot be held responsible for the person I will become during Sinner vs. Rublev

i too own a home computer

I have a case pending that I guess is getting a challenge based on how long it's been pending, and I'm so stressed about it, because a) I think it should be approved as is, and b) the challenge is probably going to come right as I leave for my vacation next week, and I honestly just feel sick to my stomach about it.

"already got extra scrap over the quota but ill just look for more just in case"

What they DONT tell you about detransitioning is the constant need to prove myself to others that I’m fr.

Like for example, most detransition stories(female perspective) revolve around a woman who regretted it and is now presenting feminine which is no problem! Great! I’m happy for them.

And the ones that do retain their “masculinity”(I hate using this word but stay with me) do make changes still. Grow their hair out a bit, cut off their facial hair, get laser hair removal, change their name and again I am happy for them!!

Then there’s my goofy ahh who besides stopping T(I’m four months off T today for the record) who virtually changed nothing and doesn’t want too. I look exactly how I always been because for me when I was transitioning technically I was being myself I just felt like I had to take hormones and call myself a male. But the whole time the way I dressed the way I act etc was me frfr…

Like in part of this detrans discord and their was a discussion one day about swimsuits and it’s like…can’t I just wear board shorts and a tank top like I always have? I don’t wanna wear swimsuits…like obviously they weren’t saying I should but it was just this disconnect so I checked out (could be a bit of entitlement idk)

Honestly the only thing I wish I can change is the gender marker on my drivers license I just idk how yet

But then there’s the “proving” part. Now I feel like yall looking at me like I’m not really about that life. Like I’m lying which is stupid because I’m not lying, but idk…fuck this. If they were more detrans women like me out there that I saw I probably wouldn’t feel like this but now I feel like an oddball lmaoo

I’m overthinking myself to death

Kainé, my beloved u_u