#the answer is yes bc adhd but...at what cost... | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

yesimwriting · 3 years

Text

Solutions

A/n kinda a blurb that took me FOREVER bc my ADHD has been really bad today but people have been wanting more General Kirigan/Darkling x reader and someone requesting some the Darkling x reader angst so here it is :)

Summary: The Darkling comes to visit you while you’re half asleep

Warnings: implications of teasing if you squint but it doesn’t really go anywhere

Something small in me registers the sound of the wooden door opening, the rest of me is too lost in sleep to react. The even footsteps are measured, deliberately soft. I can’t bring myself to stir, not even when I feel the duvet I’m covered with pulled down just enough to expose my face slightly. I’m still as soft fingers touch the side of my face that I’m not sleeping on. At first the touch is cautious and tactful, meant to be reserved, but then the touch brushes against my skin slowly. The touch feels so much like silk I can’t help but groggily incline towards it. He adheres to my silent request, adjusting his hand beneath my jaw and chin, patiently trailing his thumb up and down my skin.

“You’re awake.” The accusation comes softly, lacking any kind of bite.

I let out a long exhale. “No.”

“Do you always have to disagree with me?” There’s an unusual graveness to his light scolding.

I squint my eyes open slowly just so that I can glare at him. Always so dramatic. When my vision adjusts to the darkness of the room, I see that my instinctual analysis on his tone had been correct. He always seems to be touched by darkness, like the cost of controlling the shadows is something that can be physically seen. But there’s an extra edge to the gloom that clings to him, an exhaustion. It’s visible in the bags beneath his eyes and the way his pupils swallow the bit of moonlight that dares peer into the room.

“Only when you’re being disagreeable.” My voice is drowsy, which is good because it masks my concern. He moves his hand off my cheek, I instinctually frown at the loss of contact but he’s quick to brush his fingers along my collar. “I don’t think you’re being disagreeable right now, though.”

Something soft threatens to break across his expression. “No?” He keeps his motions tactful, tracing the outline of my shoulder and collar. “You seemed to think differently earlier.”

He has such a talent for distracting me. “Why are you here, Aleksander?”

At that, the corners of his lips pull upwards as he presses them together. The expression is so genuine something warm begins to flood my chest. His name on my lips alone is all it takes to crack the hard exterior he’s spent lifetimes curating. In an odd way it feels like a power, to be able to stir emotion in someone with a desire to be cold.

He squeezes my shoulder lightly before placing one hand on the duvet that covers me. I say nothing when he pulls the blanket back entirely. “Say my name again,” he breathes, moving to sit on my bed so casually I almost doubt the oddness of it. “Please,” his voice reveals more than his words ever will. “I need to hear it.”

I should not want to provide him any type of comfort, and yet my heart yearns to. “Aleksander.”

He breathes out easily, relaxing like the name is physical contact. “I’m tired.”

“Me too.”

Aleksander turns, resting his back against a pillow. I should tell him to leave, I should send him away. He’s clearly not someone that should be trusted. Instead of doing that, I find myself rolling onto my back to give him the room he needs to lay down. What am I doing? Aleksander says nothing, he only turns over to lay on his stomach before stretching an arm out lazily, hand settling on the hem of my nightgown.

“What are you doing?”

He brushes his hand upwards, testing the waters as he hints at pushing up my nightgown. “Do you think me a monster without redemption?”

The question is so sudden and genuine it’s practically a blow to the chest. “No.” I answered too quickly, a part of me desperate for him to understand how much I mean my answer. “Sometimes I wish I did.”

The unnecessary addition leaves his eyes burning. I won’t elaborate no matter what he does. I can’t. To explain to him the extent of my attachment would be to let him see the way he’s burrowed himself into my heart despite my desire to loathe him.

Aleksander must know that I have no intentions to explain my words because instead of replying immediately, he moves his hand up and down my upper thigh gently. It takes all of my concentration to not let my breathing hitch. “What do you mean, Little Dove?”

He keeps his voice patient as he continues to trace his fingers across my skin in what is meant to seem like a thoughtless pattern. However, I know his motions are calculated because with each second of silence his fingers edge closer to the inside of my thigh.

“If I could convince myself you were some kind of irredeemable monster,” when I stall, his fingers continue to inch towards my inner thigh, forcing me to inhale sharply, “I’d be able to walk away from you.” He pauses. “But I can’t.”

“I am what I am because I have to be.” Those words are all it takes for his typical exterior to return.

I press my lips together. “If you’re going to be the way you are with everyone else than leave, I’m too tired to deal with that right now.”

Aleksander draws his eyebrows together. The look he gives me is so pained with conflict I have to stop myself from reaching for him. I close my eyes, hoping that he’ll take it as a sign to do anything but continue this conversation. My desperation to not hold onto the way I see him is a testament to my attachment. It’s naive.

I hear his motions and a part of me longs to ask him not to leave. The bed dips, his warm breath is on the side of my face, near my ear.“Sometimes I think I may be a monster and then I see you at my side.” His whispers leave goosebumps across my skin. “And I think someone as good as you would never be at the side of a true monster.”

The words chip away at the last of my resolve. A skeptical part of me wonders if his words are meant to manipulate me the way he manipulates so many others. But his voice had been so raw, so desperate--I don’t think anyone could manufacture such feeling into words.

“Aleks I don’t think I could leave your side if I wanted to.” He moves his hand easily, never losing contact with my skin as he settles his palm on my hip. “But I can’t support what you want to do.”

The silence is a thick fog in the air that will never sit right in my lungs. “Then just stay.”

We have not reached a solution. Perhaps a solution cannot be reached when the problem is...what? Infatuation? Adoration? Love? Yes. There is no resolution for any of those things because emotions rooted in care are much more dangerous than feelings rooted in hatred.

“Yes,” I whisper, placing a hand on his back, “I’ll just stay.”

General Taglist: @theincredibledeadlyviper @grishaverse7 @lonelystarship

#shadow and bone #shadow and bone x reader #shadow and bone imagine #shadow and bone x you #sab #sab imagine #sab x you #the darkling #the darkling x reader #the darkling imagine #the darkling x you #general kirigan #general kirigan x reader #general kirigan imagine #aleksander morozova #aleksander morozova x reader #ben barnes #shadow and bone show #shadow and bone netflix

812 notes · View notes

sureivy · 4 years

Text

is that HALSEY? no, that’s just IVY CALDER. SHE is TWENTY-FOUR years old and is an EMPLOYEE AT DON’T FRET & PAWS 4 LOVE. rumor has it they’ve been in town for FOUR MONTHS / TEN YEARS. on a good day, they’re CREATIVE & VERSATILE. but watch out! they can also be IRRESPONSIBLE & VOLATILE. TRIGGER BANG BY LILY ALLEN (FT. GIGGS) plays in my head whenever i think of them. can’t wait to see them around springhill!

hello my pals ! i’m amy ( 20 // est // she/her ) and i am super excited to be here! we also over here bringing back a fairly old muse (i,, apparently,, play her during election years,,) with a couple of tweaks, so we love that for me! also! pls forgive me if this is lowkey disorganized, we’ve been in and out of airports all day! can’t wait to contract that sexy corona!

QUICK FACTS:

full name: ivy rose calder

date of birth: may 2, 1995

*does not perfectly reflect the below big three zodiac chart because that’s too much math

zodiac big three: taurus sun, pisces moon, aquarius rising

gender & pronouns: cis woman & she/her

sexual orientation: bisexual ( preference for women bc we luv that for her but we also luv leaving things open to chemistry )

education: high school diploma

enneagram: 7w8?

mbti: enfp

moral alignment: chaotic neutral

positive traits: creative, versatile, passionate, compassionate

negative traits: irresponsible, volatile, impressionable, hedonistic

BACKGROUND INFO:

triggers: brief implied sexual abuse, suicide, a lot of death talk?, drug abuse ( desoxyn ), overdose

ivy lived the first eight years of her life in newark, nj. she had a mere family of three – her mother, a model-turned-stay-at-home-mom, her father, a politician, and herself. she was much closer to her mother, but she and her father were close at night.

when her mother finally found out about this, she wasted no time in taking ivy’s father’s side. what a good mom! instead, ya girl was already getting in touch with cps herself... but wow... it was gonna ruin his career in politics :\

“Now, one thing I lerned from Storys is, when something big is about to okur, a riter will go: Then it hapened! This tells the reeder: Get Reddy. Here I go: Then it hapened!” - fox 8

then it happened!

humiliated, clearly never getting a platform back, and absolutely bitter, ivy’s father killed himself before being sent to prison.

Very Tragique™

ok. so. to distance themselves from the poor memories, but to save money, ivy and her mother moved to springhill, temporarily sharing ivy’s aunt’s apartment while her mother began collecting enough money to buy an apartment of their own and keep it.

during this time, ivy was seeing a lot of people and she didn’t know why! they asked questions about her mental health, but she didn’t know why! i mean, totally not traumatic, right?

yes. instead of managing communication well, she became very fascinated by the concept of death. she had many questions about it, she, a youth, had some extended conversations with clergymen about it –– she never killed any animals, god forbid, but she was absolutely fascinated when she ran across them.

SO CLEARLY THAT WAS ALSO TRYING TO BE DEALT WITH.

ok, i’m gonna skip ahead a little. now in teen years and still fascinated by death, but in a healthier way!, and no longer in therapy because... like... that costs a lot of money!

she dealt with it the best she could. became enamored with music... because why wouldn’t she? some covers here and there, some originals here and there, living that youtube lyf, but not expecting anything to come of it. just liked validation! mood!

she also dealt with it the worst she could! became enamored with drugs! naturally, it started out small. some weed, some lsd, some molly –– you know, just drugs that you don’t typically think of as addictive. although her grades suffered, it was harmless enough...

upon graduating high school, she figured... no college. instead, with barely any money to her name, she was like “i... will go to new york... and i will become famous.”

and she did! she did go to new york! she found a few sketchy places that didn’t charge much for a few nights as she began networking - both socially and “i would like to be known for music” (i literally just forgot the word for networking like..... employment wise.... y’all i’m so dumb). when she’d made some friends, she began crashing on couches that were not quite as sketchy!

but :\ she did meet these friends in sketchy places :\ and they were like “ok here r some new and more addictive drugs for u to try!”

what she wound up abusing using the most was desoxyn. it kept her awake, it kept her focused, it even shed a few pounds to create an excellent figure! what wasn’t to love!

i mean it’s literally a prescription methamphetamine,,, when abused,,, literally almost exact same effects as meth,,, but when meth mouth, skin lesions, acne, etc aren’t occurring as a side effect? who was she to care!

20, she released an actual ep with the help of a super cool friend who made everyone call him puppy mills! wow! things were excellent! it wasn’t necessarily seeing mainstream traction, but there was a decent enough following! enough to release an album at 22!

perfect timing, btw! desoxyn was starting to become too expensive for puppy to afford and trying to fake having such a severe form of adhd that desoxyn would be prescribed as opposed to something like ritalin or adderal when it’s literally illegal to prescribe in some countries now?? too hard :\ but the money from the album helped her and puppy!

*olaf vc* puppy died. *end vc*

she was there for it too. she thought it was just a freak-out, took a LITTLE too much, but not OVERDOSE worthy... then he l i t e r a l l y died. and it was a painful death!

“oh wow! maybe prescription meth isn’t super cool after all! shucks!” but that was also an opening?? to visit death herself?? like... she didn’t necessarily want to die (sort of), but she wanted... an answer to the question that had plagued her her entire life... so she was like “ok hope i die then someone revives me but if i die then :\ i guess i die!”

did not die. but also did not get a satisfying answer to her question. the only way it would’ve been truly satisfying? if she had been dead for longer than a minute - then it would’ve given a definite answer! because the answer she received was just nothingness which, while peaceful... is it true?

she tried to detox alone, what because rehab is a business, and it... only... sort of worked. she would be clean for a few weeks, then fall back in, then clean for a few weeks, then fall back in. whenever she wasn’t just naturally focused and awake, or whenever what she was focused on was the past, she would fall back in.

i mean, a side effect is memory loss, so win/win!

she made the semi-wise decision to move back to springhill. wisest would’ve been to just move to a town/city she had absolutely no memories in, but better than moving back to newark!

so... without much to show, and with an unreliable streak, she knew she wouldn’t be able to start looking for much of an occupation – but she still needed money! so she began working at don’t fret out of a love for music, then began working at the animal shelter after completing training.

the main training was, of course, for putting animals to sleep.

FULL CIRCLE.

ah yes. how she pretends it’s healthy... even tho there are studies and statistics relating suicide to veterinarians and shelter workers who euthanize animals... ah yes.

has been back for four months now. love that. do not know how to finish this.

TL ; DR:

born in newark. moved to springhill at 8. childhood trauma that she is still carrying causes fascination with death. “i love music.” moved to ny at 18 because realistic. childhood trauma also causes dependency on desoxyn. releases an ep and an album. does not become famous, but they both have decent traction. moves back after an overdose. relapses... often. now sells records and puts animals to sleep. miss american dream since she was 17, amirite?

PERSONALITY / MISCELLANEOUS INFO:

one person one week, a totally different person the next.

wants to please people, but also wants to be her own person? it’s a whole deal!

in spite of her slight icarian incident, she still hopes to maybe one day become a real musician and performer. until then, we selling records and saying ‘goodbye’ to sweet animals!

can truly flip like a switch in interactions! does love ruining things for herself! almost always feels bad after bc :\ damn :\ alright :\

i’m very bad at these sections i really hate that i always include them!

is still avoiding healthy coping mechanisms. love that for her.

favorite movie is, unironically, the bee movie. favorite horror movie is cats.

SO GOOD at memorizing random lines or trivia. could probably recite literally all of who’s afraid of virginia woolf? other than that?? her memory is so bad. hate drugs for that :\

she uses her hair to express herself! (that sounds really boring.) ...she uses her hair to express herself!

but no. seriously. wears the black shag weave the most, followed by the blue/yellow combo ( we stan the badlands aesthetic ). occasionally forays into other colors and styles when money permits, but it’s usually gonna be one of those two!!

was an envy on the coast stan in high school which makes an inappropriate amount of sense.

will go out and steal the dumbest shit when she’s drunk. has a history of stealing chickens.

once again: hate that i always include these!! feel free 2 j consult the personality parts in the quick facts!!

CONNECTION IDEAS:

ok we gonna list some general ones for right now! all are open to multiple people unless there’s an asterisk by it!

close friends –– moonie, teagan,

ride or die

childhood friends –– moonie,

bad influence ( mutual or her on them ) –– veronica ( mutual ),

good influence ( them on her ) –– presley, hayden, gabrielle,

exes ( can be from high school or something like that if based in springhill, can be from 20s in new york if based in new york )

fwb –– trent,

will they, won’t they –– presley,

someone who knew her music ( can be neutral, a fan of it, or hate it afhkjsl ) –– presley, moonie, teagan, indiana,

will also possibly be sending in some wanted connections for things that are! more specific!

truly anything!! also up to brainstorm and/or look at yours if you have them!!

UPDATE: i have created a wc page so we luv that for me.

OK. like this or hmu if you’d like to plot!

#springhillintro #DONT WORRY THERE'S A TL;DR I. DIDNT KNOW WHEN TO STOP.#also!! am gonna leave the ooc post up for a few so i have reference for who liked it bc i must!!#depart for about an hour and a half and i do not want!! to forget!! y'all idk what im doing today.

8 notes · View notes

yournewapartment · 7 years

Text

Reader Tips

Thank you to everyone who submitted to this week’s Reader Tips! 💕

Beauty

“Another makeup store that’s in the U.S. that you can always go to is Sephora. It’s my #1 go to place, and they sell perfumes! And they are so helpful with walking you through makeup and skincare routines.“ - Anon

Budgeting

“I just wanted 2 share the CIBC student budget calculator - you don’t have to have a bank account w/ them to use it, it lets you input things like wages, health and education expenses etc and it does the math automatically and tells you how much you’re making/have left over at the end of the year. It’s good for calculating static in & out of $ if you’re bad at numbers or don’t have excel (it’s mobile friendly).” - @sweebs

Cleaning

“LAUNDRY TIPS! (bc stain removal is the only part of adulting i am consistently good at) -if something is stained, what do? apply stain remover or google how to get the stain out, there’s a lot of hacks online that actually work (ex. hairspray can get pen marks out) and now !the important part! WASH IT IN COLD AND HANG DRY!! heat will set the stain and then youre done for, so long as you wash on cold and hang dry, you have more than one chance to get the stain out!” - @rainstorms-by-june, Colorado

“LAUNDRY TIPS PT2 you can get away with buying really cheap shirts from like tj max or similar (often made of rayon or viscose which shirk if you look at them wrong and cheap shirts fall apart fast too) if you are willing to do a bit of hand washing. i know it sounds scary, but my adhd brain can do it, a bet you can too! fill a sink, bucket, or large bowl with cold to lukewarm water (not hot!). add some liquid laundry detergent (only a little bit!) to it and swish around.” - @rainstorms-by-june, Colorado

“Whenever you use lemon use the leftovers (including squeezed out lemons) to whipe down anything metallic or ceramic in your house (faucets, baking bowls, the sink, tiles….). The acid easily gets rid of grease, water stains and similar things so your living space can shine in all it’s glory. (Bonus: while baking it helps anything fluffy (think beaten eggwhites or cream) to hold it’s shape))” - H, Germany

Cooking

“Get a can opener, you only realize you need it after trying to open 3 cans of veggies by stabbing them with a knife. You need your own can opener.” - Anon in Ontario, Canada

“For a starbucks style macchiato at home, combine 3-4 oz espresso (or just super strong coffee), 6-8oz milk of your choice, and about half a tablespoon of sweet syrup. The sweet syrup is just 1 part brown sugar, 1 part brown sugar, and some cinnamon boiled until it’s half the starting volume.” - Anon, Texas

Job Interviews:

“Interviews: It is perfectly okay to a) ask the interviewer to repeat a question and b) pause for a moment to consider the question before answering. These will help you if you have any anxiety, giving you a little time to take a breath before answering, and show the interviewer that you’re keen to understand things thoroughly. Better to take a little bit of time to consider it rather than fumbling and stuttering through an answer you haven’t thought out!“ - Anon, Canada

LGBTQ

“If you’re trans and you wear a mid-length binder, you probably know that feel when the lower edge of your binder stages starts to curl and then it crawls up and rolls no matter what. 😵 The tip: turn your binder inside out and start wearing it like that. Yes, with the tags on the outside. Nobody’s gonna see em!” - @jottingprosaist

Lifestyle

“Read a book everyday. Not a whole book, but a few pages. I’m in high school and every English teacher I’ve had is impressed with my speaking. There’s an eloquence gained from classic literature does even more for how people view you. Also, it gives you a few moments of calm.” - Anon, Canada

School

“Track your scholarships! I write down the name of the scholarship, the day I found it, the deadline and what day I applied, as well as how far I’m at with regards to finishing an application, as well as how much I can get and if I got it, after a month I total up how much I’ve won and reduce the cost of tuition/ college in general and keep on applying.” - @hana-folly

#reader tips #reader advice #being an adult #how to adult #adult life #adulting #adult things

260 notes · View notes