Tumgik
About
Privacy Policy
Removal Request
Visit Blog
Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.
Fun Fact
Tumblr has a 66 index score for customer satisfaction in the US.
#the amount of times i've dissociated the past couple of days is ??? crazy. never had that happen except 4 when i went through severe trauma
broadswipeslideshow
·
2 years
Text
damn .
#wow. it's been bad. like really bad?
#ive had my shitty moments but i think the past week takes a place in the top 5
#idk what the fuck has been wrong with me but oh my god i am horrible. a complete mess. i cannot even function right now
#the amount of times i've dissociated the past couple of days is ??? crazy. never had that happen except 4 when i went through severe trauma
#just.... i can't focus. my sight gets all fuzzy and i don't have the mental capacity to return to my body
#i am just numb and lifeless and my entire being is dead weight. it's too much effort to move so i just stare into a blurry atmosphere
#most of the time. wishing i was dead tbh.
#every single day i think 'i'm gonna kill muself.' i say it to myself constantly
#like a source of comfort or some fucked up shit
#i swear to god i have missing time from the past week. like what was i doing all day? where did i go?
#it kind of scares me and the fact that i think i'm hallucinating doesn't make it any better
#i keep hearing voices that aren't there and i saw a cockroach in my bathroom.... but it wasn't one
#it was just me imagining it plus it was way too fast to be one
#but i literally gasped and flinched back and watched it go behind my toilet. yet it wasn't there
#what the fuck is happening to me?
#i should be happy. i got accepted into college. and yet i'm not. i'm worse than ever before
#my dad doesn't even support me on this. i don't have anyone to talk to. and i just really want to fucking die
#and idk. i always think to myself how much i hate myself but i never really took it that seriously
#but then the other day i realized how much i truly believe and KNOW i am a bad person. i am not good.
#like wow i guess i really do hate myself
#starting to suspect i have bpd :/ never really thought abt it before
#but from what i keep reading and seeing most of my symptoms match up perfectly
#favorite person / self harm / mood swings / utter lack of care for myself / anger and resentment toward others all the time
#so much shit idk. my therapist says i self harm but i really have no idea if what i do is considered self harm
#i mean. i guess it has left scars. but i don't think i do it out of hatred for myself? but maybe i do
#considering i've come to the conclusion that i fucking despise every aspect of myself
#i don't think it's normal to put yourself in someone else's shoes and think 'why would they ever want to be friends with me?'
#there's too many other things to say but. i'm stupid and ugly and i want to die and fuck my life lmao. i hate it here for real.
2 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
mooncupcake83
Mostly Sci-Fi Cartoons
vindbaren
The Four Winds
shuhalice
Shuha Fu
oliviajames1122
Olivia James
prettyrealm
🎹