my current job has me doing a lot of standing/walking around a museum with little to do but think, so i've been trying to fantasy book a final feud for sami and kevin. context being the build to kevin's hypothetical retirement, where his final match will be with sami of course (barring his inevitable returns to the ring as a hall of famer to put over rising talent). i was trying to think how you could make a feud work with them one last time without it just seeming like turning back the clock. cause while they have fought on and off since kevin's wwe debut, they never fully figured out their shit until this year, and now their bond feels sure, not vulnerable to betrayal the way it has been in the past. i ended up imagining the most self indulgent wish fulfilment scenario possible culminating in a 2 out of 3 falls match for the universal title which sami wins off a heel-turned kevin. warning it's so so cheesy. and way too many things at once. ahem,

the build starts with universal champion!kevin unhappy and lashing out, because despite having the world title he knows he's near the end, and he has no one in his corner on smackdown (they kind of have to be on separate brands and have been growing apart again for this to work). it's almost as hollow as his first universal title reign, and his charming sarcasm has curdled into ugly bitterness.

then sami comes out of the woodwork on Raw, titleless but still doing very well as one of the top babyfaces, still optimistic despite everything. and maybe he hasn't been calling kevin or getting coffee with him as much as they used to. he's just so busy lately! but now kevin's going back to his old ways and he has to try and talk him down. it goes about as well as you'd expect, kevin starting off cordial and warm before the resentment quickly bubbles up and he starts slinging lower blows than he has in years, specifically at sami once again proving unable to keep up with him as a champion-level competitor. kevin wasn't even trying to get in the world title picture until recently, he practically took it in his sleep! how long's sami been vainly trying to snag the WHC? what about that historic anti climax at elimination chamber 2023? (NB kevin doesn't get the title off roman in my mind but im not booking that far back) face it, he snarls to a dismayed-but-sadly-not-that-surprised sami, the only meaningful gold he was ever getting was with kevin by his side.

he basically forces sami to challenge him for that universal title, pushing his buttons every way he can. sami's pretty reluctant at first, not wanting to fall for kevin's mind games all over again, and really thinking they were past this shit. but unfortunately he's sami and one thing about sami is he falls in the trap even when he knows it's a trap, and he just cannot resist such a blatant challenge. it's cesaro, neville, strowman, roman, everyone who's told him to his face he'll never be that guy and to just stay down. and, well, after their first match up in a long while, his age old obsessions with proving those guys wrong and with fighting kevin owens forever take over, and they're all set for wrestlemania. (or summerslam. i'm not too proud)

it's 2 out of 3 falls because that kind of feels like the perfect way to cap it all off, the format that put sami zayn on the map in the first place, and the one that lets kevin owens Fucking Finally do his package piledriver into a successful pin without giving him the match. here my novice understanding of good match planning comes up short. they would come up with something extremely brilliant and heartbreaking, but my thinking was the pin order goes sami-kevin-sami - with the first pin coming quite a way into the match, and the second quick on its heels. they'll do all their favourite callbacks except battleground cause that one has been overdone by this point even if it is the most poetic one. it's visceral and violent but also kind of joyous. and very melancholic. fully them, basically.

the emotional arc is focused a little more on kevin, who is tired and angry and consciously trying to embody the monster he always used to be against sami, hardening himself up. there's one moment towards the end where sami's down, the ref's incapacitated and kevin gets a chair, face full of murderous intent until he actually gets to sami, where he just stops. doesn't even seem to have an internal conflict about hitting him with it, just stands there, waits for sami to notice him and flinch back, and then waits some more, locking eyes with sami in a silent conversation while he gets back to his feet, before tossing the chair aside and punching him in the head. (cue their beloved #1 single, Hockey Punches of Love.)

sami wins the world title at long last, and everything is beautiful. any apparent hatred that was fuelling this match evaporates the milisecond it ends. because it was never really about kevin not believing in him, but kevin wanting more than anything for sami to get the official recognition he deserves, and wanting no one else to take the title off him, knowing how to play the game (both the in-universe manipulation and his characteristic genre awareness), and above all, kevin wanting to fight his best friend one last time. he tries to let sami have the moment to himself, dragging himself to the corner of the ring too exhausted to even stand, but sami won't have it, not after what they just did, not after their last match. they hug the life out of each other, and cut a couple of very emotional promos on each other that probably come directly from their real actual hearts so I wouldn't try and script them here.

that's all i have. i'd be interested to know what the twc thinks re: these two in another feud/if they should even have one!