louis 9 weeks old vs 12 weeks old with the ball tower

If it's not too intrusive can I ask how you deal w your pmdd ?

I dont have it but my PMS is fucking brutal I was depressed fucking felt like paralyzed in bed due to anxiety, didnt go to classes,then like a few days later i got my period and then everything made sense.

But i just cant like lose a week of my life like this every month. How do you deal with it?

i went on birth control for it but got off of it after a year bc i decided i disliked the effects of birth control, but that did help my symptoms tons and i wouldn't lie to anyone who wanted to go on it bc it did help me, i made a choice to get off of it unrelated to my pmdd.

managing symptoms can be difficult, often my first "response" is to recognize when my emotions are being affected by my pmdd. usually i can tell pretty quickly bc one day i'll walk up and everything makes me rage at the drop of a hat and then get very sad or agitated just as quick, my emotional regulation just being absolutely dogshit to concern anyone around me if they happen to be on the receiving end of my aggression or if they could jump inside my head and see how it was playing out. after so many years knowing i have pmdd, im able to recognize how a lot of that emotional instability isn't "me" and that im being affected by an "outside" force (oncoming period and hormones dropping). i usually do my best to stay mindful of my reactions then and try and do stuff that calms me down and gets my mind away from what had ruptured my emotional state. usually this occurs right in the morning when i get up, so its a fairly quick light bulb moment for me.

and im definitely used to like a shit ton of negative self talk that over the years ive gotten a better hand on, so when those real lows come around, im much better at talking myself out of those low states, but my pmdd doesn't manifest as strongly or too long with huge depressive states. usually, i just try to find other things to distract me when i feel that low, like chatting with friends, family, watching a movie, going on a walk, eating good food, no matter how small can help shift my mood to a more positive direction. when we're down, our brains are really good at thinking about other sad shit, bc our brain sucks like that, so getting ahead of that curve and trying to intentionally distract yourself with better things can generally help. but again, do not feel bad if that doesn't work for you, bc long depressive states aren't what i normally deal with and my advice is general here.

in terms of anxiety and similar emotions, i feel you deeply there. i manage that similar to how i manage any form of anxiety, which is just to do whatever it is that my anxiety thinks i cannot do, as thats the quickest way to rewrite that pathway in ur brain. it can seem very daunting, but it really does help and you can take baby steps all the while. and usually i end up feeling better after i go to whatever it was i was terrified to go to, which when we're feeling terrible af can sometimes make our day a bit better.

i would also say, sometimes i don't do anything during my pmdd time either bc it really does feel like shit even when ive tried combating it and being mindful of myself, some days really do just suck and i wanna lay in bed and hermit away. i don't think you should beat yourself up about that if some months that happens. its gonna happen again even after we have some successes, pmdd can be very unpredictable and sometimes our environment and our day to day lives just affect it even more and cause some months to be worse than others, and that doesn't mean you're lazy or not trying hard enough or anything like that.

some more minecraft thoughts (unorganized AF wow)

yknow, i think a lot of people kinda forget like... how daunting game or.. really any media creation can be, with Scope in general, and generally making something requires some things to be cut, in order to like, say... focus on the main plot of a movie, instead of getting caught up on trying to do Everything Good. to focus on the strengths and do them Great... instead of opening up more cans of worms now you apply that to minecraft, where its whole strength is that there IS so much to do, its strength IS that it has like, everything... and really its no wonder they... have some difficulties developing it sometimes

well, yknow, ironically they have to cut things, but thats because they want to do everything Great instead of just Okay, but they also at the same time want to... do everything, which will ultimately take quite a while. to do everything that they could do...

in a game like minecraft, the backlog is endless, and figuring out what to prioritize is definitely a MASSIVE factor for like... well, lets take fireflies. of course they wanted to do fireflies, and to update more biomes to be more pretty. you see how joyous the devs sounded talking about that stuff?? of course they want it just as much as we do. but ... to open up a can of worms that is a whole mob that they want to do justice (even a mob as "simple" as fireflies) is to uh, put a bit much on their plate, considering they were already working on a lot of their backlog and had opened a massive can of worms with the ancient cities... and then you also factor in the Marketing and Stuff that wants them to get the update out ideally for around the summer and... to move on to the next update and... agh i guess what im tryna say is like, people seem to sometimes act like gamedevs cut things because they ... dont want to bother working. but its almost always priorities and scope. Of course mojang wants minecraft to be the best it can be, to have so many lovely wonderful things.

im sure if they never got any more ideas or suggestions for the game, they'd still have enough ideas to last until like, 1.80 if not higher.

so i imagine its quite tough for them, too, to have to say no to certain things because it... isnt relevant to open up certain cans of worms.

and that is, i believe, why you see them adding wolf variants now. it is strategic to finally yoink them out of the backlog (because surprise, the backlog is far more than just mob vote losers) because the armadillo makes them relevant. im not a huge fan of loosely connecting features like... armadillos to wolves. its kinda weird. but it does mean that that one mob winning gives them an opportunity to also add wolf variants and have that be... efficient in that it isnt opening up a brand new can of worms -- the can of worms of Wolves was already starting to open when they added wolf armor. is this to say wolves are done? of course not. nothing in minecraft is ever Done. and thats another reason its so hard to prioritize things. they want to add new things, and they want to improve old things. its a tough balance since... so many communities want DIFFERENT things out of the game

so it can end up seeming like they really dont add much... because. think of it like a pizza. someone bakes a really nice mixed pizza for a party, yet you... only get one or two slices that you really like. thats a shame. but that doesnt mean they didnt put a tonna work into baking it. the other pieces are being enjoyed by other people. people who, quite frankly, dont care about your slices.

i guess this post is kind of all over the place, but this is all to say... priorities and strategic development, as laaame as it may be to admit, is ultimately what mojang is going for, for both longevity and for quality. not to say theyre perfect. i wish they did armadillos a bit differently, and i wish we didnt have to wait for wolves to come up in relevance via a Shiny New Feature for them to be subtly tweaked... same as signs coming into relevance when they add hanging signs, so they add editing sign text as a feature.

i think ill... rewrite this post. its more of just a bunch of thoughts that arent super cohesive since theres just so many of them. ironic considering a big part of this posts sentiment is that for creation of many things, you should probably focus on the already good parts, instead of stretching it to do Everything Ever.

its. its just a lot of topics that i think are interesting.

respect to mojang for all the work they do. even if i dont agree with some of their implementations

[rubs my chaotic lil hands together] okay bc my jak n dax hyperfixation is lasting THIS long this round (I tend to cycle pretty quickly thru my interests bu! not this time apparently!) I’m gonna be learning how to speedrun jak3... the 100% route bc I like, tbQH I just want to play the game and for jak3 100% bracket its 99% just playing the game good. gonna be not streaming any of it at first but when my friend gets thru the series I probably will~

rn Im just gonna be screensharing w my partner while I learn how the speedrunning timer software works and learning the first baby steps at the pathfinding~

ok but the whole “you ask the world of us, your audience” thing still gettin me cuz like

yeah

how dare i ask my audience to read the posts that they followed me to read

oh my gosh, i have a tag name???? i feel so special😩

you see, the thing about my biases in seventeen…they don’t end lmao

like i saw a tiktok with jeonghan and i thought “hey this man is fine af” so i looked him up and realised that he’s in seventeen (and i already knew the group, i was just hesitating to get into them because well… they’re 13, a lot of names to remember hahaha) so then i listened to their songs and i realised that yes, i am going to stan them even if i need to literally study their names

and that’s when it went downhill… i already knew vernon because i feel like it’s impossible not to know vernon if you’re into kpop lol but then it became vernon😏

and then it was joshua😏😏😏

probably a few days later i was like “wait…WONWOO😏😏🤤😳” (he’s my ult now in seventeen:) )

and of course can’t go without minghao😏😏

yeah so… safe to say that mingyu might end up in that list soon haha

- manly man mingyu anon

and as for seventeen I TOTALLY AGREE

i mean i stan a lot of groups and a lot of them are not afraid to be themselves etc…

but something about seventeen…feels different

it sometimes feels like i’m watching a crack video made by my friends or something similar to that

their vibe is so home-y (that’s not even a word but it is now!)

and so 🥺🥺🥺

they have a very deep connection and can easily understand each other. and their friendship…i’m jealous even haha

it’s nice to see them genuinely enjoying themselves like a bunch of dudes

like those videos where they’re just drinking. it feels so natural

ahh… seventeen 🥰

(also, i immediately apologise if i ever make mistakes because english is my third language so it’s quite rocky lol)

- manly man mingyu anon

aksjaskjask that's always how it be when finding a group eh? you see one or two, and you're like... okay just you two- but somehow, you always end up getting dragged into the entire group haha :) and 13 is definitely daunting-

and yeah, lots of groups can be themselves, but svt feels different for sure, there's something about them- Home-y is DEFINITLY a good way to describe them!

the drinking videos- 100% agree :)

also holy heck your THIRD language???? i could NOT have been able to tell english isn't your first language you're doing so well :) also- i still spell a bunch of words wrong and i only speak english (i know bits of lots of language, but not enough to claim anything above just 'bits' lol)

also just- i love how you feel like everyone who likes kpop knows Vernon- i hope thats true cuz he's a funky lil dude HAHAHAHA

svt are just: best boys

15, 16 and 18 for the asks

15. Biggest artist pet peeve?

i have no idea if this is referring to me or other people lol. over the last month or so me and clip studio have been engaging in warfare over the way colours look on my displays and when they export and now i have to go through this convoluted process of reexporting things in photoshop. real exciting stuff

huhmhmn idk about things pertaining to other artists i cant think of anything rn

16. What's the most daunting part of your process? Ex, planning, sketching, lineart, rendering etc

ohhh idk i dont really sketch and if i do then thats basically my lineart lol. maybe deciding on a pose?? i dont really decide beforehand and i just make it up as i go but its like a really bad habit. i want to learn to render better too i dont do it often

18. Do you have any larger projects you'd like to pursue? Like comics, shortfilm, a series etc?

i have Bigger stuff for school right now like animations i am planning and stuff its just very daunting because they are all really big and i have this idea in my head that if i dont have a long stretch of time to work on one thing specifically then i cant work on it which is stupid.

splatoon related.... id love to animate stuff when i have time!!!!!!! but this year has just been me squeezing any possible drawing time into my whack af schedule so like. lol. sometime later

> Last week sometime...

caepaecaesurae ... I apologize for the #tyrian/ tag, by the by.  My moirail has trouble wvith your alternates, that he is still wvorking through. brackishbarracuda so i noticed i didnt mean to start shit caepaecaesurae You havwen't, and he holds no animosity.  Only memories. brackishbarracuda i cant reely say shit tbh w u i used to have the same problem w certain cronus alts i aint gonna go into it but im betta than i was

caepaecaesurae .. There are so vwery many things wvrong wvith certain Cronus alternates. brackishbarracuda an nearly all a mine are fucked so caepaecaesurae I'm glad you're doing better ..and that the entire Ampora line is not currently completely poisoned for you. brackishbarracuda trust me theres a few i could stand to see w a head on a different end a the room than the rest a them but i got double diamonds and both are v much amporas caepaecaesurae There's some that -I- wvould be inclined to separate from themselvwes. brackishbarracuda aight if im bein honest its one in particular and its an erian so i still count that as improvement caepaecaesurae I'd agree.  WVas he perchance recently invwolvwed in the dashcourse? brackishbarracuda i dont think so i aint been payin attention i dont mind a name drop if ur currious just dont out me aboat it its complicate complicated efin caepaecaesurae Reasonable.  ...  I don't speak wvith many Eridans, I suspect it's not likely to come up, so I'll abstain. brackishbarracuda as in dont tell me or u wont out me caepaecaesurae Don't tell me -- I wvouldn't out you either wvay. brackishbarracuda s fair caepaecaesurae But this wvay, I'm not likely to read his page out of curiosity. Or ask a thousand questions that aren't my business.  I'm afraid I'm as gossipy as Arlequin can be. brackishbarracuda trust me tho if he shows up and starts shit youll kno who it is caepaecaesurae Do let me knowv if you evwer need a hand. brackishbarracuda pike i said its complicated 38/ and f reel tho i aint mind questions from u in particular caepaecaesurae If you're certain, then -- wvho, and dare I ask his specific failings? brackishbarracuda violaceousvanity too many to fuckin count brackishbarracuda most a which is fuckin w my rails pusher an holdin the fact said rail had feelins for him over my damn head when i was low caepaecaesurae .. Ugh. brackishbarracuda im really tryin naut to go on a tirade aboat every fuckin thing hes done wrong bc i wont stop if i get started its platonic af caepaecaesurae I knowv the feeling. Aye, interference in romantic affairs often can be. brackishbarracuda hes still a part a my rails past tho before i knew him and he swears hes his friend so im over here just shruggin violently brackishbarracuda ur ugh in response was afishiated tho its hard to properly disgusted w somebody existence when other ppl aint as pissed as u are

Last Wednesday at 2:44 PM

caepaecaesurae I sympathise.  Interpersonal conflicts of that nature are... Awvkwvard at best. caepaecaesurae Pardon for disappearing on you. brackishbarracuda nah shit happens u aight caepaecaesurae > Caesurae looked at that question, blankly, for over a minute before he could bring himself to quietly facepalm, sigh, and gather his words. Sleep came unexpectedly, that's all. brackishbarracuda count ur blessings i had to watch cats the musical before i could get my wrigs to fall the fuck asleep caepaecaesurae You havwe wvrigglers? I feel like I should havwe knowvn, sorry for the inobservwance. brackishbarracuda i dont talk aboat them much naut publicly anyway brackishbarracuda too much shit can go wrong but yeah i got five a them caepaecaesurae It's easier to protect something no one knowvs about. Gods, that seems daunting. brackishbarracuda i mean they aint mine i kinda inherited them but they mine u feel cept one ones actually mine caepaecaesurae I believwe Arlequin had a fewv sprung on him wvhen it turned out one of his flings came from a timeline wvith interesting biology. He adores havwing a massivwe family for church reasons though. brackishbarracuda yeah caepaecaesurae May I ask about the inheritance? brackishbarracuda bouy seems pike hed b happy just havin em drip off him while he fucks around in the kitchen caepaecaesurae That's fairly accurate, aye. brackishbarracuda dead red caepaecaesurae I'm sorry. brackishbarracuda they didnt really have anybody else me and the rails look after em caepaecaesurae Good that someone or something does. If you havwen't ended up lusus-bonding wvith them yet you might be able to get them lusii in a timeline somewvhere.  I suspect you havwe though, by the sound of it. brackishbarracuda loz would raise from his fuckin ashes and haunt my ass if i ever got rid a them especially now brackishbarracuda theyre mine caepaecaesurae I'm glad you care for them. I'm...familiar wvith the concept from Beforus, and from my moirail's family.  It's not something I'vwe personally evwer wvanted, but I'm glad it suits you. Are they young, still ? brackishbarracuda it aint someifn i ever personally wanted either tbpfh w u little shits grow on u yeah caepaecaesurae Has Arlequin met them yet? brackishbarracuda ach is the oldest and shes under five sweeps and ayas the youngest and shes in a coon rn i think we planned on it but it aint happened yet brackishbarracuda lotta shit goin on rn caepaecaesurae I suspect he'd enjoy it quite a bit.  He adores spoiling wvrigglers. brackishbarracuda yeah i can sea that lmao hes a big cod damn nerd brackishbarracuda hey i got a question caepaecaesurae Aye? Fire at wvill. brackishbarracuda do u no anybody youd trust w a needle pike tattoos do u think arlequin would kno anybody in the church oar caepaecaesurae I knowv Porrim has a studio here, though I'd havwe to gently feel out howv she feels about seadwvellers.  I'm sure Arlequin knowvs howv to apply tattoos in the old wvay, wvith hand-made tools and ointments rather than wvhat one wvould vwisualise in a modern tattoo parlor. I'm sure Nadaya wvould knowv someone, and could ask, if that wvould be of use. brackishbarracuda idk if i trust his evaluation of i trust u naut to kill me while u do this but yeah if u could ask around so i got options id afishiate it tbh isle still probubbly sea what arlequin can do seein as i already trust him caepaecaesurae Arlequin I wvould trust completely to do blackwvork.  If he specifically says he can do brilliant colors and gradients, I'd believwe him on those too. I trust Nadaya not to put other people into stupid situations.  He tries plenty of things himself he wvould not consider for others. brackishbarracuda thats fair caepaecaesurae I'll see if I can put together a list for you -- and I'll mention wvho each recommendation came from, as wvell. I'vwe been somewvhat tempted to look into it myself, I just havwen't been able to think of a design I wvanted. At least anything that wvasn't somewvhat trashy. brackishbarracuda hell let it be trashy caepaecaesurae References to the Kraken brackishbarracuda lMAO caepaecaesurae A tramp stamp, if I could bring myself to it brackishbarracuda PLZ I N-E-ED T)(IS caepaecaesurae Haha Gods.  Maybe. brackishbarracuda oh my shi t absofuckinlutely i am behind this and behind u so i can stare at it caepaecaesurae I appreciate the vwote of confidence. "This side up" brackishbarracuda im la ughign i swear to fuck man embrace that shit caepaecaesurae On the one hand, yes. On the other, if I don't, I can fake being a vwery dignified older man at wvill. And people wvho don't knowv me wvill believwe it. brackishbarracuda i mean thats fair but u can do that w some paint an sealer caepaecaesurae ..Oddly true.  Of course, I could put on a vwariety of different tramp stamps at wvill in the same wvay. brackishbarracuda embrace ur inner trash prince caepaecaesurae You are a terrible influence, but I'm almost intrigued enough to put together a selfie. brackishbarracuda i am tho caepaecaesurae This Side Up is the best one I can think of.  Maybe a reference to the Gunshowv WVhat are some other good ones, vwisible from the front? I am preparing something. brackishbarracuda suns out guns out has alwaves been a personal fav isle ahab ur crosshairs idfk visual pun put ahabs on ur bicep caepaecaesurae Oh, perfect brackishbarracuda i am all for this please dear cod also ur attractive just fyi caepaecaesurae Thank you, I appreciate that.  You as wvell, from the pictures I'vwe seen. brackishbarracuda the reactions ur getting are worth this shit alone caepaecaesurae Oh, aye, I need to do this more often. brackishbarracuda u reely do i almost wanna reblog the dam thing again caepaecaesurae One feature of tumblr that I personally appreciate is the ability to schedule posts to go off at pre-determined times years into the future. brackishbarracuda oh my shit ohhh my shit caepaecaesurae And you look at your dashboard, and you ask yourself "WVhen did I reblog that --  Oh.  Ohhhhhhhhh right." brackishbarracuda i am here for this brackishbarracuda plz at least keep the gun caepaecaesurae Hah.  I don't knowv.  The tiny one? brackishbarracuda yeah i mean its easily hidden w sleeves an its a good ice breaker caepaecaesurae It is at that. If I did, I'd probably ask Arlequin to apply it for real.  Things I imagine into place are easy to imagine awvay again. brackishbarracuda i nearly said id imagine so and stopped myself wtf me caepaecaesurae I can imagine it, and I wvouldn't havwe caught it. brackishbarracuda hes doin aight if ur currious thats my rails caepaecaesurae I'm glad he is. brackishbarracuda i get over excited about the bouys so i apologize in advance caepaecaesurae Hah.  Both vvic and his brother? Enthusiasm is a blessing, enjoy it. brackishbarracuda yeah f reel tho they aint get out much so im over here wavin a lil flag when they talk to ppl on their own caepaecaesurae I havwe a fewv friends like that. Thankfully theyvwe started getting along wvith one another, wvhich is nice. brackishbarracuda tru tf to that

Last Wednesday at 6:44 PM

brackishbarracuda are u sugestin arlequin is a wrong choice caepaecaesurae No, I just knowv Arlequin wvell and don't knowv if he knowvs him. Arlequin making more positivwe social contacts is good. brackishbarracuda (that was a joke ) tru af tho caepaecaesurae I'm not that great at jokes if the punchline is someone being offended, if I'm honest. brackishbarracuda aight fair caepaecaesurae Sorry, chief. brackishbarracuda nah u aint got anyfin to apologize for