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#that’s the tag I use that my betrothed has blocked because if they accidentally read this I think they’d retch
foldingfittedsheets · 9 months
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I have to share a disgusting story.
So our shower drain has been backing up. We do our best to prevent long hairs from going down the drain, but alas, we are mere mortals.
The landlord is really shit about drain stuff and my betrothed is so disgusted by the slimy drain hair gobs that I can’t even talk to them about it.
So today, I screwed my courage to the sticking place and tried to deal with it.
I am not deft. I am not the lesbian anyone calls for help with practical matters. I have no knowledge of plumbing, or drains, or snaking, I only know draino has failed us and our biological residue is preventing the free passage of water.
I unscrewed the drain cap and beheld a monstrous oozey aberration of hair. I try to use toilet paper to protect my delicate fingers from the psychic damage of touching it. This is wildly ineffective. Now there’s dissolving toilet paper making it worse. I siphon off the tip of the hairy iceberg with several feeble attempts but my efforts are wildly inadequate.
Finally. I see a Q-tip in the garbage. And I have an idea. I take it and jam one end into the mass, and I twirl. I twisted the hair wad like the most repulsive spaghetti to ever exist. It was super effective. Huge wads of shampoo slicked hair abominations were ripped free of their metal lair.
After three Q-tips the drain was clear and I was free to wash my hands five times trying to scrub away the memory of what I’d seen and done like I was Lady Macbeth. Out, out damn clog.
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jacaranda-bloom · 4 years
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Monthly fic rec showcasing some of the fics I’ve read this month, and let me tell, you there have been a lot -  partly because I’m reprioritising my reading again and partly because we are being inundated with an avalanche of amazing fics at the moment. So yeah, be prepared for a fairly sizeable list under the cut.
In this instalment, there are fics from @sunflowrsix @kiddleau @metal-eye @flamboyantommo @icanhazzalou @sadaveniren @crinkle-eyed-boo @lululawrence @beau-soleil-louis​ @homosociallyyours @kingsofeverything @crazyupsetter @laynefaire and @allwaswell16.
Thank you to all the writers for sharing their wonderful talent with us. Please don’t forget to leave kudos and a comment if you enjoy their work. 💜
💜 an entire desert in our hourglass by tofiveohfive
@sunflowrsix Tumblr Fic Post
Harry/Louis | Explicit | 19k
# Pre-apocalypse, angst with a happy ending, hurt/comfort, post break-up, getting back together, anal sex, alcohol.
The world is ending. Harry comes over.
💜 bloodsport by tofiveohfive 
@sunflowrsix
Harry/Louis | Explicit | 40k
# Friday Night Lights AU, angst, post break-up, getting back together, underage drinking, anal sex, American football.
“You know how our next game is against the Cardinals, right? You remember how vicious those guys can get. I wanted us to come up with some plays, maybe work on a block from the left—”
Louis stops when he hears a chuckle.
He doesn’t think he’s said anything particularly funny, so he turns to Harry, waiting for an explanation.
“‘S funny, ‘s all.” Harry throws his finished bottle somewhere near the other discarded ones. “This is the first time you’re talking to me in eight months, and it’s still about football.”
💜 Half A Million Strong by kiddle
@kiddleau Part 1 of the Woodstock Series
Harry/Louis | Mature | 51k
# Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Famous Harry, Non-Famous Louis, Historical, 1960′s, Woodstock, Coming of Age, Recreational Drug use.
Louis Tomlinson is a young writer for a relatively new-on-the-scene rock magazine called Rolling Stone. His assignment is to fly across the country to cover the highly anticipated Woodstock Music and Art Festival. Armed with a notebook, audio recorder, and a camera, Louis just needs one big interview.
Harry Styles. A new name in rock music and a future name in rock history. His first album sold tens of thousands and his interviews attract audiences across the country. He has the poetry of Jim Morrison and the stage presence of Mick Jagger. And after seeing him perform at the festival, Louis is willing to jump through hoops to put Harry on the cover of Rolling Stone.
💜 Gather No Moss by kiddle
@kiddleau Part 2 of the Woodstock Series
Harry/Louis | Mature | 50k 
# Friends to Lovers, Famous Harry, Non-Famous Louis, Historical, 1960′s, Pining Tour bus, Coming of Age, Recreational Drug use.
Music journalist Louis Tomlinson will do just about anything to get a story he’s passionate about. Including spending a week on tour with the hard-to-manage rockstar-in-the-making Harry Styles. In the late 60s, every long-haired kid thinks they can make it in music, and Louis’ job is to figure out what exactly makes Harry so special. That is if he can get him to put down the bottles and guitars to answer a question truthfully.
💜 Caught By The Sun by metal_eye
@metal-eye Tumblr Fic Post Part 1 of the Caught By The Sun series
Harry/Louis | Mature | 19k
# Cabin AU, Summer Romance, Young Love, Skinny Dipping, First Time, Idiots In Love, Symbolic Thunderstorms, Bonfires.
He came every summer. It wasn’t even a question. Harry and his parents—one step, one real—picked up their lives, packed it into a car, and drove long enough to land at the ends of the earth.
The cabin had been in his family for a hundred years. There was no TV, no phone, no computer, no radio. There were decks of cards and plastic deer and marbles. There were skis and leaves and a treehouse.
And then there was Louis.
Or, Harry and Louis meet every summer at the lake.
💜 Somewhere Where You’re There by metal_eye
@metal-eye Part 2 of the Caught By The Sun series
Harry/Louis | Mature | 4k
# Cabin AU, Timestamp, Nostalgia, Blow Jobs, Boat Sex, Lake Sex.
The greatest luxury, in this new part of their lives, should have been time. It stretched at varied intervals with no attention to what the real world might find convenient. Hours yawned like horses’ mouths, stretching backwards in the effort of seconds. Except that Harry couldn’t help feeling like he’d missed out, somehow. That he needed to hurry. They’d been denied their formative horny years. Something had to give.
A Caught by the Sun timestamp in which they are both lazy and horny, and some things get resolved.
💜 Members Only by kikikryslee
@flamboyantommo Tumblr Fic Post
Harry/Louis | Mature | 14k
# Gyms, Boxing, Awkward Flirting, Mutual Pining. Locker Room, Semi-Public Sex, Smut.
“Well, I’m gonna go work out now, so…” Harry said, his voice trailing off. Louis nodded. “Yeah, yeah, go ahead. Go get, uh, you know, strong and buff.” What? Louis wanted to die. “Um, thanks?” Harry said. “Um…” Without another word, Harry walked away from the desk. Louis pinched his thigh – hard – hoping that was some terrible, awkward nightmare that he might soon wake up from. Or, the one where Louis works at Harry's new gym and neither one of them knows how to hold a coherent conversation with the other.
💜 I’d Still Dance With You by kikikryslee
@flamboyantommo Tumblr Fic Post
Harry/Louis | Mature | 57k
# Age Difference, Louis is 28, Harry is 21, Mutual Pining, Angst, Student Harry, Ad Exec Louis, Slow Burn, Smut, Bottom Harry, Top Louis.
“Well, I’m gonna go work out now, so…” Harry said, his voice trailing off. Louis nodded. “Yeah, yeah, go ahead. Go get, uh, you know, strong and buff.” What? Louis wanted to die. “Um, thanks?” Harry said. “Um…” Without another word, Harry walked away from the desk. Louis pinched his thigh – hard – hoping that was some terrible, awkward nightmare that he might soon wake up from. Or, the one where Louis works at Harry's new gym and neither one of them knows how to hold a coherent conversation with the other.
💜 Naked and Proud by kiwikero
@icanhazzalou Tumblr Fic Post
Harry/Louis | Explicit | 19k
# Farmer Harry, Songwriter Louis, Small Town, Organic Food, Summer Romance, Lust At First Sight, Pining, Smut.
The town itself is tiny, as evidenced by the ten minutes it’s taken Louis to drive the entire thing. There’s not a single recognisable brand in sight—no Tesco or McDonald’s or even a bloody Starbucks. Lining the streets instead are mom and pop stores with names like ‘Jerry’s Burgers’ and ‘The Market Basket’ and…
“'Naked & Proud?'” Louis almost slams on the brakes at the outlandish sign, the name written in a seemingly innocent font, words curved around a large cartoon peach. He can’t help turning into the carpark, easing the car into a spot next to a beat up truck.
He isn’t sure what to make of it. Surely it isn’t a strip joint or sex shop, not with the families and little old ladies going in and out of the establishment. Some kind of nudist hangout, perhaps?
And, oh, God. Did Louis’ mother accidentally send him to live in a nudist colony?
In which Harry runs an organic store, not a nudist colony, and Louis doesn't know whether to be relieved or disappointed.
💜 Paint The Sky With Stars by kiwikero
@icanhazzalou Tumblr Fic Post
Harry/Louis | Mature | 63k
# Titanic AU, Strangers to Lovers, Happy Ending.
On 10 April 1912, Harry Styles boards the finest ship the world has ever seen. Still grieving the death of their mother, he and his sister are being sent to America to live with a callous uncle who cares more about his business connections than family. Harry prepares himself for a long, disappointing voyage alone in his stateroom.
Louis Tomlinson has borrowed and saved, and finally has enough to purchase a Third Class ticket to America. With all of his belongings in a single ruck sack, he boards the Titanic filled with hope for a brighter future. Never one to sit still, he can’t resist exploring the massive ship, and soon goes sneaking into First Class in a stolen steward’s uniform.
By a twist of fate, Louis finds himself in Harry’s stateroom, entranced by the most attractive man he’s ever laid eyes on. He keeps returning day after day, even if he doesn’t understand what it is about Harry that continues pulling him in. That’s all right; Louis has a week to figure it out, and Harry is plenty willing to help.
Except they don’t have a week. They have four days. Because on 15 April, their entire world will be turned upside down.
Or, the historically accurate Titanic AU with a happy ending.
💜 Just For Tonight (I can be yours) by SadaVeniren
@sadaveniren Tumblr Fic Post
Harry/Louis | Explicit | 43k
# ABO, Alpha Louis, Omega Harry, Prince Harry Styles, Secret Relationship, Arranged Marriage, Mpreg Harry, Smut.
Harry, prince of Cestrescir, has been betrothed to Ludvic, prince of Yorvik, since birth. He'd accepted a loveless marriage as his duty to his country, until an accident threw him in the path of a gentle alpha.
💜 Live A Thousand Lifetimes by Layne Faire (HisDarlin)
@laynefaire Tumblr Fic Post
Liam/Zayn | Explicit | 58k
# Exes to Lovers, Angst with a Happy Ending, Farm Setting, Vineyard, B&B, Horses, Smut, (check full tags).
It’s 2025.
After secretly writing and producing their first album in ten years, One Direction is weeks away from releasing their first new single and announcing a world tour.
With the whirlwind about to begin again, Liam re-evaluates the last ten years - the fame, the money, the people who changed his life forever - and the person who walked away.
💜 Mine Would Be You by crinkle-eyed-boo
@crinkle-eyed-boo Tumblr Fic Post
Harry/Louis | Explicit | 115k
#  Exes to Lovers, Artist Harry, Writer Louis, Angst with a Happy Ending, Time Jumps, Smut.
Louis blinks his eyes open, his eyelids fluttering as the room swims around him. He takes several gulps of beer once he confirms that he’s definitely not hallucinating, that the very first portrait Harry Styles ever painted of him is hanging on that wall.
Louis stares at the wall, his heart jackrabbiting in his chest as he realizes that there’s not just one painting of him, there’s five, the portraits lined up like they’re some sort of storyboard depicting the rise and fall of his deepest love. His greatest heartache. A pain that cut him so deep that he left the fucking country, severing all ties with his life in New York, now suddenly surrounding him as if he’d never left.
Fucking shit motherfucker fuck.
Louis returns to New York City five years after he left it – and the love of his life – behind. He didn't intend to see Harry again, but fate has a funny way of pulling them together, whether they like it or not. After making a begrudging truce, they both start to wonder: Would it be so bad if history repeated itself?
💜 Own The Scars by crinkle-eyed-boo
@crinkle-eyed-boo Tumblr Fic Post
Harry/Louis | Explicit | 115k
#  Friends to Lovers, Drug Addiction, Coma, Rehab, Intervention, Recovery, Therapy, Tomlinshaw (Larry Endgame), Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Smut, (check full tags).
“But I don’t belong here,” Louis insists. “Why do you say that?” James asks. “These people are all drug addicts and alcoholics,” Louis shrugs. Something sparks in James’ eyes. “And you’re not?”
Louis has never felt like he was good enough: for his stepdad, for his life-long best friend, for the life he's supposed to want. After an accident that nearly costs him his life, Louis' parents send him to rehab where he’s forced to face his demons. On the long and difficult road to recovery, Louis must confront the truths he’s been avoiding about his future, his relationships, and his sense of self-worth. Because before he can love anyone else, he’s got to learn how to love himself first.
💜 Fiction Romance by orphan account
Harry/Louis | Explicit | 18k
#  Strangers to Lovers, Blind Date, Punk Louis, Student Harry, Smut.
Harry has a type.
He likes older, sophisticated, mature men. Well-educated men. Men with life experience and passion for arts and social causes. Men who are established in their careers, who've sorted their lives out.
Niall knows this.
And so Harry can't understand why he's sat here opposite Louis Tomlinson.
💜 If Only We Wish Hard Enough by lululawrence
@lululawrence Tumblr Fic Post
Harry/Louis | Not Rated | 5k
# Peter Pan Fusion, Louis is Peter, Harry is Tinkerbelle (except he’s the same size as Louis), Friends to Lovers (no smut), Flirting, Pining, Fluff.
Before Harry let Louis know he was there, he gave himself a moment to just admire him. Truly take him in.
Today, Louis was wearing one of his soft, simple green dresses that in many ways resembled the ones fairies often wore. Harry loved when Louis wore dresses. They showed off Louis’ waist and thighs more than any of his other outfits, and Harry loved that about them.
“You know I can hear your wings fluttering so you aren’t fooling anyone,” Louis said before turning and looking over his shoulder.
Or the five times fic where Louis is Peter Pan, Harry is his best friend Tinkerbelle, and it takes them awhile but they figure things out.
💜 I Can’t Do This Alone (Sometimes I just need a light) by Only_angel_28
@beau-soleil-louis Tumblr Fic Post
Harry/Louis | Not Rated | 8k
# Strangers to Lovers (no smut), Meet Cute, Doctor Harry, Tattoo Artist Louis, Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, Loneliness, Touch-Starved Harry, Flirting, Fluff, Hopeful Ending, (check full tags).
“Harry,” he says after another contemplative moment, “can I hug you?”
It’s been...well, Harry doesn’t actually know how long it’s been. Less than an hour, probably, but already Louis says his name like it’s safe in his mouth, and now he’s opening his arms like Harry could be safe there too.
“Please,” Harry nearly sobs, and sinks into him the way butter melts on toast. It’s an apt metaphor, really, because what Louis is giving him is as essential and sustaining as a loaf of bread to a starving man. His basic need for physical affection is as vital as his need for sustenance, for sleep, and he can’t believe he’s allowed himself to ignore it for so long.
Or: Harry is having a rough time. Louis is the kind stranger who makes him smile again.
💜 You Make Lovin’ Fun by homosociallyyours
@homosociallyyours  Tumblr Fic Post
Harry/Louis | Explicit | 110k
# Girl Direction, Strangers to Lovers, Polyamory, Cruise Ships, Silver Fox Louis, Daddy Kink, Age Difference, Smut.
Harry is a 28 year old travel writer at a gay magazine who gets the assignment to go a lesbian cruise. She figures it's a nice chance to have some fun in the sun, but she's not expecting much else-- even if her partner and best friend are both encouraging her to hook up with someone while she's there.
When she locks eyes with a gorgeous silver fox from across the room, she starts to think she could've been wrong. There are lots of things standing in the way of anything real happening with her and Louis, but that doesn't stop them from falling for one another. True love isn't always easy, but they do make lovin' fun.
💜 As Deep As The Sky by swallowsmateforlife
Harry/Louis | Explicit | 12k
# ABO, Strangers to Lovers, Alpha Harry, Omega Louis, Smut.
A passed-out omega on the bathroom floor isn't exactly what Harry had in mind when he thought about taking a cute boy home. The idea of leaving Louis there, vulnerable and unresponsive, weighs guiltily at Harry's conscience. Turns out it's the best decision he'll ever make.
💜 Someone To Fly Home To by kingsofeverything
@kingsofeverything Tumblr Fic Post
Harry/Louis | Explicit | 35k
# Exes to Lovers, Divorce, Older Harry/Louis (in their 50s), Pilot Louis, Teacher Harry, Smut.
Louis. 55 year old pilot who wants someone to fly home to. Harry swipes right.
💜 Ghost Note Symphony by whoknows
@crazyupsetter
Harry/Louis | Explicit | 96k
# Proximity Curse, Blood and Gore, Supernatural Elements, Friends to Lovers, Slow Burn, Smut, (check full tags).
Louis is on tour when he first hears about it. It’s all over the news – Harry Styles Attacked By Fan runs in headlines for days. It’s not even just the gossip rags, either. Actual journalists are covering the story. It would have been impossible to avoid hearing about it. Technically, Oli is the one who tells Louis about it, but it’s not exactly being covered up. Harry doesn’t answer Louis’ text asking if he’s alright, but that’s not really surprising. They haven’t spoken for months, and it’s been a lot longer than that since they’ve had a real conversation. The sting of the text going unanswered is still there, less painful than it might have been a few years ago.
It’s not that it’s easy to forget about, exactly. Louis has a whole life outside of One Direction now, though. So Louis goes on with his life, figuring that if Harry was seriously hurt he would have heard about it by now. He might currently be in the same country as Harry, but being on opposite sides of it puts enough distance between them that putting it in the back of his mind is easy. There’s nothing Louis could do, even if he thought Harry might want him to.
That’s why everything that happens next comes as a complete shock to him.
💜 Soaked In The Blood Of Angels by whoknows
@crazyupsetter
Harry/Louis | Explicit | 41k
# Creatures AU, Vampires, Incubus, Dubious Consent, Blood and Violence, Smut, (check full tags).
The boy looks drugged, caught between a man who’s almost twice his size and a girl who looks like she wouldn’t even break a sweat snapping him in half despite her small stature, eyes closed and mouth open as he pants, arching up between them almost as if he’s trying to escape.
Normally, Harry would ignore it and continue on his search for someone to drink from, someone who wouldn’t mind his sharp teeth and rough hands. He’s seen plenty of boys like this one, ones who picked the wrong playmates, and if he stopped to rescue every single one of them he would have died from thirst a long time ago.
This one, though. There’s something about this one, the sheen of his bright blue eyes as he blinks slowly, looks around as though he doesn’t know where he is, the weakness of his hands as he tries to push the girl off of him and make his escape.
💜 Say Something by kingsofeverything
@kingsofeverything Tumblr Fic Post
Harry/Louis | Explicit | 105k
# ABO, Alpha Louis, Omega Harry, Age Difference, 50 Year Old Harry, 28 Year Old Louis, Insecure Harry, Unplanned Pregnancy, Lawyer Harry, Theatre Manager/Actor Louis, Hurt/Comfort, Smut, (check full tags).
At fifty years old and recently divorced, Omega Harry Styles isn't interested in dating. When his doctor suggests a heat and rut matching service, he signs up out of necessity. It’s the only use he has for an Alpha in his life.
Twenty-eight-year-old Alpha Louis Tomlinson aims to change that.
💜 Until by allwaswell16
@allwaswell16 Tumblr Fic Post
Harry/Louis | Explicit | 38k
# Strangers to Enemies to Lovers, Famous Harry, Non-Famous Louis, Actor Harry, Songwriter Louis, Cowboy Harry, Farm Setting, Smut.
Rural Eagle County, Colorado wasn’t the type of place to find a famous musician or actor. At least not until songwriter Louis Tomlinson showed up with pop star Niall Horan to visit his uncle’s horse ranch, and they just happened to find themselves next door to a reclusive former movie star.
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imagine-loki · 4 years
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Pride and prejudice
TITLE: Pride and Prejudice CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: Chapter 29 AUTHOR: wolfpawn
ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine Loki was raised on Jotunheim as Laufey’s son after the war, but an agreement was then made that he would wed Odin’s daughter so Odin could secure the alliance of Jotunheim through the marriage. Loki, in turn, was raised to be king of Jotunheim, but how he views Asgard is far different from how Odin’s daughter is raised leading to a clash of cultures as well as uncertainty between the pair of betrothed youths.     RATING: Mature   NOTES/WARNINGS: Forced Marriage, not all fun and games. My first real step back into the Loki scene in over a year.
Tags - @skulliebythesea @asimovethroughthisworld @blackcherry26-blog @we-shadowhunter2901
Loki walked into the throne room with purpose. Court was in session for the past hour and he was late but considering his morning, he was surprised he could force himself from the bed at all. When he rushed to his father’s side during an interval, Laufey looked at him curiously. “Apologies, Father, I found myself having to attend to some issues.”
Laufey had not expected to see Loki for the day at all, as Helbindi was utterly inebriated when he had come into his father’s rooms the night before the same time Loki had unintentionally entered Ella’s and informed his father that he and Loki had drunk the late-night hours away. Yet here stood his middle son, looking fresher than a newly blossomed flower in front of him. “I thought I excused you from court for the day to recuperate after the heat of Vanaheim?” 
“My good mate ensured that we did not have to endure too badly on Vanaheim.” He smiled to where Ella was now standing in the court. 
Laufey looked at Ella who seemed unable to cease smirking. To his side, he noted his son doing the same. Though startled by the situation he was now clearly able to translate from their faces, and wondering how it could have possibly come to pass considering the day before’s revelations, he was elated to see the connection between his son and his mate. “Well, then, you know what to do. You are always fearful you will miss something.” He remarked as he gave the order for another to come forward. 
When the issues of the court were discussed and Laufey asked his son to inform all of what had occurred whilst on Vanaheim, Loki spoke, but through the entirety of the rest of the proceedings, his mind was only on one thing, the morning with his mate. He watched her across the hall, paying attention to everything that was occurring and when she noted him looking at her, she gave him warning glances but could not cease to smirk herself. 
Laufey was able to see their interactions and could not resist giving his son a raised brow himself. On seeing Loki’s reaction of not being able to hold his gaze, he chuckled to himself. Upon dismissing everyone for the day, Laufey asked Loki to remain behind. 
“Yes, Father?” “Arden informed me of Prince Nigel’s attempts to anger and bother you all, congratulations on keeping a calm head and for allowing Prince Thor’s assistance. The marriage to Ella is a strong one and allows such alliances. I also heard of your discussions with the Vanir and Light Elves and of the trade talks you are arranging with them, you are every bit the capable man I knew you to be, my son."
"Thank you, Father." Loki was used to his father's comments on his actions, knowing him to think him capable but considering the sheer magnitude of the situation with foreign realms, it made him all the prouder. 
"I understand the situation at present with Byleistr is fraught, his betrayal will not go unpunished by myself and indeed by you as my heir."
"Your support in this is all I could ever ask for. As Ella stated, had there been honesty, had they spoken to me and explained their situation, I would have been hurt but I would have respected it, this I cannot respect, this was lower than low. To lie...Ella put it better than I can."
"And in this, something had changed between you and your mate?" Laufey gently pushed. 
Loki found himself smiling again. "Ella is never dishonest with me. She respects me enough to be so and I cannot help but want to return her respect. She understands my thoughts even when she does not experience them herself because she takes time to consider others."
Laufey studied his son closer. "Is that everything?" Loki looked at him baffled. "You forget, my son, that all present in the throne room today saw your interactions with your mate and you can be assured, it will not be received negatively. This is a wonderful advancement of things. I am elated that you see the value in her now, both for her own being and for what she brings to Jotunheim with her ties. There are many great things that this does for you, my son. Focus on being happy with a good mate and cease mourning one that evidently did not see fit to respect your sacrifice. She knew well her actions and as your mate stated, had there been respect, well, it is still unacceptable but to show that would, at the very least, show some thought for another, but they both declined to do so."
"I do not intend to spend time thinking about such things. As Ella stated this morning, thinking of such constantly only allows such thoughts to fester and when they do, they poison our thoughts and cloud our judgment. I will not let any take from my focus."
"Not even Aesir mates with whom it is clear you cannot cease thinking of in some manner that I assume has something to do with you being in discussion with her this morning?" Again, Loki did not look his father in the eye causing him to chuckle. "Come now, do you think me blind? All can see that the time in Vanaheim has stirred something different in the relationship between you."
"She understands everything, even things I have not told her and she respects it all fully, without question or expectation to be told more. I have a mate like none other."
"I am elated to hear that my son. Now, I have to deal with the ever dull Lord Gregory, damn but I hate that Jotnar, but needs must." Laufey rose to his feet. "Try not to skewer anything in the meantime." Loki looked at his father on confusion. "I saw your little anger exercise yesterday."
"Ella felt it a better idea to release some anger."
"Once again, your mate was correct. It is clear to see, now more than ever, that the mate you have is more than the one you could ever want, she is what you need more than any, my son."
Laufey left, leaving Loki to consider his thoughts. Not long after, a timid looking Helbindi entered the throne room. Loki laughed at him as he meekly held his head. 
“How are you here? You drank more than me?”
“Ella healed me,” he declared smugly. 
“That is not fair. How come she did that?” “I may have accidentally stumbled into her room last night in my drunken state and not my own.” Helbindi laughed at that. “Better than you walking into Father’s rooms.” “I’ll have you know, I did not walk in, I fell in, on top of him.” Loki chuckled at the image of his younger brother falling onto their father. “How did she take you barging in?” “Very well, according to what she showed me from her memories this morning since I remember nothing.” 
Helbindi noticed something in his brother’s features. “Why are you smiling like that?” “What?” 
“Like...wait, what happened?” “What are you babbling about?” Loki tried to walk off but Helbindi used his superior size to block his brother. “Bind…”
“Who is she?” “Who?” “This new one? You only ever look that happy after you get to have some fun, who is she?” “Bind…” Loki looked around. “You cannot speak like that.” “Like what?” “Like I am sniffing around those I should not. I do not want trouble.” “So, just say her name.” “Ella.” “Your mate?” “Yes, my mate.” “Why are you saying her name?” “Because she is who you wish to know the name of.” “No, I don’t, I want to know about...wait, you lay with her?” Loki nodded. “Not sleeping, actually…” “Well, there was sleeping too.” “But you said it was terrible with her.”
“It was,” Loki agreed. “Before.” “What changed?” “The time she almost left, she confessed that she heard us talking about her, how I spoke about her to you and she decided not to put any effort in but this time she did and it was good, great even.” “Really? But you said she was a maiden, so how would she know how to do anything?” “She has this ability, with her seidr, to show things she has seen in the past and she showed me things she read and things that those ladies-in-waiting she spoke about, Helbindi, the Aesir women would make you blush, they are not without sexual knowledge.” Loki’s eyes were wide as he recalled one of Ella’s ladies explain how to perform a leud act.
“Really, how?” Helbindi was intrigued more than he should be by such a statement. 
“The things they know, and they all told her things. And what she read...Why did she never say anything…” “What were the books?” “I have no idea.” “Ask her.” “I am not asking her, you ask her.” Helbindi looked at him with disbelief. “I cannot ask her, you idiot, then she will know we spoke like this again and she won’t let you near her.” Loki winced. “Good point.” 
“Wait, what if she bears you a child now?” “Considering she is supposed to give me two sons, I would think it would be seen as a good thing.”  
“But what about, you know…‘Leist and...” “Ella stated it best, it would have been better if they were honest but they were not. I want to hate her for it, hate both of them for it but she wanted to hurt me, so I won’t let her.” “Do you think that is why she did it?” Helbindi asked. 
“I am not sure but the manner she looked at me, the cold look in her eyes, I think that perhaps she did. But I will not let her get me down, not now.” “Not that your mate showed she actually knows what she is doing?” 
“That helps, I will confess,” Loki smirked. 
“Do you think the Vanir are as knowledgeable. There were one or two there that seemed interested in some fun when we were there.” 
"I know a few of her ladies were Vanir. None seemed to be blushing in her memories."
"Nice." Helbindi's eyes were alight with such a prospect. “I think they look better than the Aesir.” “Yes, you would think that, I remember you and the, what was her name?” Loki looked at his brother. 
“No idea, that kissing thing they do is fun though. What do you think?” 
“Have not tried it.” “Really?”
“Is that hard for you to believe?” 
“I thought you would try it since you tried everything else again. So, not a corpse then?” 
Loki thought about how Ella had intertwined her legs with his, her hands exploring his body, whether intentionally or not, the manner in which she gripped his ass as he moved, urging him on. It all felt so much more natural. The one thing he did notice was her attempts to remain silent, biting her lips to remain so. He pleaded with her a few times to not force herself to remain quiet, but Ella would not relent, biting her lips together in attempts to not make noise. Clearly, that was something she was still under the impression should be done. He would have to speak with her and inform her that he liked that, being told how much his partner was enjoying herself made him feel better, knowing he was doing things well was something he wished for. It may be an awkward conversation, but he was willing to try it, as he hoped she would want to try other things with him. “Not like a corpse, definitely not.” “I think you would rather be with her now.” Helbindi jested. 
Loki could not argue his point.  
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wolfpawn · 4 years
Text
Pride and Prejudice, Chapter 29
Story Summary - Based on an idea I had that I submitted to Imagine Loki. Imagine Loki was raised on Jotunheim as Laufey’s son after the war, but an agreement was then made that he would wed Odin’s daughter so Odin could secure the alliance of Jotunheim through the marriage. Loki, in turn, was raised to be king of Jotunheim, but how he views Asgard is far different from how Odin’s daughter is raised leading to a clash of cultures as well as uncertainty between the pair of betrothed youths.
Chapter Summary - Loki goes to the throne room and deals with the day there, after, he has two conversations that make him think more of his interactions with Ella
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Loki walked into the throne room with purpose. Court was in session for the past hour and he was late but considering his morning, he was surprised he could force himself from the bed at all. When he rushed to his father’s side during an interval, Laufey looked at him curiously. “Apologies, Father, I found myself having to attend to some issues.”
Laufey had not expected to see Loki for the day at all, as Helbindi was utterly inebriated when he had come into his father’s rooms the night before the same time Loki had unintentionally entered Ella’s and informed his father that he and Loki had drunk the late-night hours away. Yet here stood his middle son, looking fresher than a newly blossomed flower in front of him. “I thought I excused you from court for the day to recuperate after the heat of Vanaheim?”
“My good mate ensured that we did not have to endure too badly on Vanaheim.” He smiled to where Ella was now standing in the court.
Laufey looked at Ella who seemed unable to cease smirking. To his side, he noted his son doing the same. Though startled by the situation he was now clearly able to translate from their faces, and wondering how it could have possibly come to pass considering the day before’s revelations, he was elated to see the connection between his son and his mate. “Well, then, you know what to do. You are always fearful you will miss something.” He remarked as he gave the order for another to come forward.
When the issues of the court were discussed and Laufey asked his son to inform all of what had occurred whilst on Vanaheim, Loki spoke, but through the entirety of the rest of the proceedings, his mind was only on one thing, the morning with his mate. He watched her across the hall, paying attention to everything that was occurring and when she noted him looking at her, she gave him warning glances but could not cease to smirk herself.
Laufey was able to see their interactions and could not resist giving his son a raised brow himself. On seeing Loki’s reaction of not being able to hold his gaze, he chuckled to himself. Upon dismissing everyone for the day, Laufey asked Loki to remain behind.
“Yes, Father?”
“Arden informed me of Prince Nigel’s attempts to anger and bother you all, congratulations on keeping a calm head and for allowing Prince Thor’s assistance. The marriage to Ella is a strong one and allows such alliances. I also heard of your discussions with the Vanir and Light Elves and of the trade talks you are arranging with them, you are every bit the capable man I knew you to be, my son."
"Thank you, Father." Loki was used to his father's comments on his actions, knowing him to think him capable but considering the sheer magnitude of the situation with foreign realms, it made him all the prouder.
"I understand the situation at present with Byleistr is fraught, his betrayal will not go unpunished by myself and indeed by you as my heir."
"Your support in this is all I could ever ask for. As Ella stated, had there been honesty, had they spoken to me and explained their situation, I would have been hurt but I would have respected it, this I cannot respect, this was lower than low. To lie...Ella put it better than I can."
"And in this, something had changed between you and your mate?" Laufey gently pushed.
Loki found himself smiling again. "Ella is never dishonest with me. She respects me enough to be so and I cannot help but want to return her respect. She understands my thoughts even when she does not experience them herself because she takes time to consider others."
Laufey studied his son closer. "Is that everything?" Loki looked at him baffled. "You forget, my son, that all present in the throne room today saw your interactions with your mate and you can be assured, it will not be received negatively. This is a wonderful advancement of things. I am elated that you see the value in her now, both for her own being and for what she brings to Jotunheim with her ties. There are many great things that this does for you, my son. Focus on being happy with a good mate and cease mourning one that evidently did not see fit to respect your sacrifice. She knew well her actions and as your mate stated, had there been respect, well, it is still unacceptable but to show that would, at the very least, show some thought for another, but they both declined to do so."
"I do not intend to spend time thinking about such things. As Ella stated this morning, thinking of such constantly only allows such thoughts to fester and when they do, they poison our thoughts and cloud our judgment. I will not let any take from my focus."
"Not even Aesir mates with whom it is clear you cannot cease thinking of in some manner that I assume has something to do with you being in discussion with her this morning?" Again, Loki did not look his father in the eye causing him to chuckle. "Come now, do you think me blind? All can see that the time in Vanaheim has stirred something different in the relationship between you."
"She understands everything, even things I have not told her and she respects it all fully, without question or expectation to be told more. I have a mate like none other."
"I am elated to hear that my son. Now, I have to deal with the ever dull Lord Gregory, damn but I hate that Jotnar, but needs must." Laufey rose to his feet. "Try not to skewer anything in the meantime." Loki looked at his father on confusion. "I saw your little anger exercise yesterday."
"Ella felt it a better idea to release some anger."
"Once again, your mate was correct. It is clear to see, now more than ever, that the mate you have is more than the one you could ever want, she is what you need more than any, my son."
Laufey left, leaving Loki to consider his thoughts. Not long after, a timid looking Helbindi entered the throne room. Loki laughed at him as he meekly held his head.
“How are you here? You drank more than me?”
“Ella healed me,” he declared smugly.
“That is not fair. How come she did that?”
“I may have accidentally stumbled into her room last night in my drunken state and not my own.” Helbindi laughed at that. “Better than you walking into Father’s rooms.”
“I’ll have you know, I did not walk in, I fell in, on top of him.” Loki chuckled at the image of his younger brother falling onto their father. “How did she take you barging in?”
“Very well, according to what she showed me from her memories this morning since I remember nothing.”
Helbindi noticed something in his brother’s features. “Why are you smiling like that?”
“What?”
“Like...wait, what happened?”
“What are you babbling about?” Loki tried to walk off but Helbindi used his superior size to block his brother. “Bind…”
“Who is she?”
“Who?”
“This new one? You only ever look that happy after you get to have some fun, who is she?”
“Bind…” Loki looked around. “You cannot speak like that.”
“Like what?”
“Like I am sniffing around those I should not. I do not want trouble.”
“So, just say her name.”
“Ella.”
“Your mate?”
“Yes, my mate.”
“Why are you saying her name?”
“Because she is who you wish to know the name of.”
“No, I don’t, I want to know about...wait, you lay with her?” Loki nodded. “Not sleeping, actually…”
“Well, there was sleeping too.”
“But you said it was terrible with her.”
“It was,” Loki agreed. “Before.”
“What changed?”
“The time she almost left, she confessed that she heard us talking about her, how I spoke about her to you and she decided not to put any effort in but this time she did and it was good, great even.”
“Really? But you said she was a maiden, so how would she know how to do anything?”
“She has this ability, with her seidr, to show things she has seen in the past and she showed me things she read and things that those ladies-in-waiting she spoke about, Helbindi, the Aesir women would make you blush, they are not without sexual knowledge.” Loki’s eyes were wide as he recalled one of Ella’s ladies explain how to perform a leud act.
“Really, how?” Helbindi was intrigued more than he should be by such a statement.
“The things they know, and they all told her things. And what she read...Why did she never say anything…”
“What were the books?”
“I have no idea.”
“Ask her.”
“I am not asking her, you ask her.”
Helbindi looked at him with disbelief. “I cannot ask her, you idiot, then she will know we spoke like this again and she won’t let you near her.”
Loki winced. “Good point.”
“Wait, what if she bears you a child now?”
“Considering she is supposed to give me two sons, I would think it would be seen as a good thing.”
“But what about, you know…‘Leist and...”
“Ella stated it best, it would have been better if they were honest but they were not. I want to hate her for it, hate both of them for it but she wanted to hurt me, so I won’t let her.”
“Do you think that is why she did it?” Helbindi asked.
“I am not sure but the manner she looked at me, the cold look in her eyes, I think that perhaps she did. But I will not let her get me down, not now.”
“Not that your mate showed she actually knows what she is doing?”
“That helps, I will confess,” Loki smirked.
“Do you think the Vanir are as knowledgeable. There were one or two there that seemed interested in some fun when we were there.”
"I know a few of her ladies were Vanir. None seemed to be blushing in her memories."
"Nice." Helbindi's eyes were alight with such a prospect. “I think they look better than the Aesir.”
“Yes, you would think that, I remember you and the, what was her name?” Loki looked at his brother.
“No idea, that kissing thing they do is fun though. What do you think?”
“Have not tried it.”
“Really?”
“Is that hard for you to believe?”
“I thought you would try it since you tried everything else again. So, not a corpse then?”
Loki thought about how Ella had intertwined her legs with his, her hands exploring his body, whether intentionally or not, the manner in which she gripped his ass as he moved, urging him on. It all felt so much more natural. The one thing he did notice was her attempts to remain silent, biting her lips to remain so. He pleaded with her a few times to not force herself to remain quiet, but Ella would not relent, biting her lips together in attempts to not make noise. Clearly, that was something she was still under the impression should be done. He would have to speak with her and inform her that he liked that, being told how much his partner was enjoying herself made him feel better, knowing he was doing things well was something he wished for. It may be an awkward conversation, but he was willing to try it, as he hoped she would want to try other things with him. “Not like a corpse, definitely not.”
“I think you would rather be with her now.” Helbindi jested.
Loki could not argue his point.
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h3l10tr0p3 · 5 years
Text
Headcanon: Deku, the Serial Shipper
Contains- Mentions of sexual activities, established relationship - Bakudeku; Crack pairings- TodoIna, JiroMomo, UraTsuyu, UraTenya, DenkiSero, Kirimina, platonic Kiribaku etc.
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(Beware- Long post)
Jesus Christ, I just had this HC and now I gotta spill, otherwise I won't be able to sleep tonight. Here's another annoying Long Post for y'all)
Deku, as a Pro Hero and Katsuki's Duo Partner, has a pretty hectic life since the media are crazy bloodhounds, the villains are a pain in the ass, interacting with fans becomes exhausting at times, and the critics are demons wailing for his blood.
Yeah, very hectic. And on top of that, there's very little time to relax. Most of the days he sneaks some solace in the gym, if he can buy more time he likes to read and immerse himself in his notebooks and research. Fighting Katsuki to blow some steam is a last resort to shed off weeks of frustration and only reserved for off-days or desperate times - because something like that inevitably devolves into gratuitous rough sex or worse, day-long fuck-a-thon. Not that Deku doesn't enjoy it, he simply doesn't have the time to indulge and he knows Kacchan doesn't either, so they try to keep their hands off each other unless the occassion begs for much-needed violent release.
But sometimes, you just want instant relief. Sometimes Deku just wants to kick back and relax like a normal person, go on the internet, without everyone hounding him for a piece of his mind.
So he does.
Under Anonymity.
Et viola @allmight9000 comes alive on several media platforms including Tumblr and Twitter. At first, Deku masquerades around as a hardcore All Might fan fighting anyone who dares to diss the retired Symbol of Peace . But since his retirement, his popularity has gone cold, not many heated debates take place around him anymore and as sad as this makes Deku, he decides to discover new venues.
Now, Deku knows there's this dark void of fanfiction lurking on the net and there's no escape from it should he ever set foot into it. He is also aware of the dark things that beckon him from the sewers like Pennywise the Dancing Clown (eg. All Might/Endeavour, Hawks/Endeavour, All Might Bowl, All Might/ Hero Harem, All Might/Midnight, All Might/Aizawa/Present Mic and so on), things he should rightfully keep a safe distance from. But this is fucking Deku we are talking about- ofcourse he dares to dip his foot into the murk of fanfiction.
For science, he thinks, and takes the plunge.
It all goes downhill from there.
One day, Katsuki comes back from his shift to find Deku face-planted into the sofa, he hasn't eaten lunch, hasn't bathed and is claiming trauma, repeatedly insisting that he has sinned and he is going to hell for it, then he shakily holds up a 367k word fic of Villain Might/Endeavour. Katsuki has to slap him back to his senses. Later that night, Deku calls up Toshinori and asks him for forgiveness, when Toshinori asks him worriedly, 'For what?', Deku assures him he DOES NOT wanna know.
After obsessively going through various tropes and completing every Enemies to Lovers / Mutual Pining / Unrequited Love fic there is (and there is a lot, Deku hates himself every day for it), waiting torturous weeks for dead authors to rise from the ashes for a teeny tiny update, Deku finally gives up his small lake of unfulfilling All Might ships (because frankly it's hard to find a fic that suits his tastes and convincingly fleshes out a love story around a man who has pointedly avoided romance for the better part of his LIFE or a find a fic which is COMPLETE) and sets out into the sea of Ships.
Bad Idea.
Very VERY Bad Idea.
(We know it, he knows it. Katsuki is the only one who is blessedly oblivious because he chooses not to wade into Deku's mental shit and compromise his own sanity.)
Strangely, Deku has come to take an odd satisfaction of returning to fan mentality of shipping two people without restraints (rarely more than two)-it's simple, senseless, easy. It gives his head a break from all the overanalyzing it does and gives him a small dose of endorphins when he cant work out, eat out or fuck out the frustration. He was adverse to it first, since these are strangers trying to ship two random people (people he is friends with), and it was unsettling to find so many people shipping them when they've BARELY had any interaction in canon real life! What's the premise of shipping them at all? He just didn't find any allure to it back then. So he kept his reads under fluff and under mature ratings because he feels uncomfortable reading smut about his friends.
But Deku had a 'Oh my God they were ROOMMATES' moment when Jirou and Momo announce that they are dating to the U.A. Alumni, that too after reading a really fluffy Creati/Earphone Jack fic which accurately referenced their public sightings together and spun it into plot-points quite masterfully. ( the author did a real good job on it) And the most horrifying thing about the fic, Deku finds, is the fact that NO ONE, not even the AUTHOR knows how correct they were in their estimates! No one except Deku.
That realization shakes the foundations of Deku's beliefs and morality as he wonders how many fics out there , sfw or smut, requited or unrequited love, enemies to lovers or lovers to strangers, fluff or smut have come so so close to the truth, been so damn close - like an alternate course of their love-story? and WHY IS NO ONE GIVING IT MORE KUDOS?
This is how Deku ends up being the most irredeemable Shipper of the universe- with a mission in hand:
To curate proof of all valid ships and to supply aforesaid proof of it to the world (as subtly as he can of course, so as to not compromise his own identity or the privacy of the Shipped.)
He begins to scour through the net for paparazzi photos, indulges in gossip, pries out information of who is dating whom from his Hero contacts, authenticates it, creates folders and subfolders of photographic 'proof' (they are just teasers really) and whenever anyone writes a fic that comes anywhere close to the real thing he makes sure to tag them in his tumblr/twitter post with photos which basically pour gasoline over their fiery passion to continue dreaming and writing fics around those Ships. Like:
You wrote a fic of Fluffy Iron Fist x Real Steel? Here you go- an obscure pic of them leaving her apartment together
Uravity x Ingenium and Uravity x Froppy? A love triangle that could possibly end in heartbreak?!! Damn, sistah, who knows? (She's confused too, imho) So here you go- Uravity getting tipsy with Froppy and Uravity snuggling to Ingenium under the rain.
One-shot of Chargebolt x Cellophane getting frisky in an alley? Honey, I gotchu. Here's a pic of them arriving at a villain scene together with dishevelled clothes.
All Might x Endeavour Slow Burn? My dear friend- here's a picture of the Symbol of peace roasting marshmallows with Shouto on flaming Endeavour merch. Please don't make me block you.
All Might x Midnight? Here's a pic of my mom, me and my Dad AllMight. Midnight, Who binch?
Celsius (Shouto) x Gale Force Stripper AU? Oh, hey, look I'm totally that one lucky guy who was in the right place at the right time, okay? I dont know these guys personally, OKAY? Not. At. All. But I have some Opinions™ about your fic? and pics to support it. Just wanna show you that maybe...i mean...MAAYYYYYYBEEEE...the stripper is Galeforce, not Celsius? Yeah? Don't worry though, You're doing good. Love the slow build, keep up the good work!
Deku becomes a sensational fic-writer-enabler and often gives inspiration to writers who are looking to write for a new fandom. Deku's got their backs.
He sinks so deep into this Shipping business that one day Katsuki catches wind of it. It was becoming painful to keep ignoring Deku's descent into madness. Katsuki was okay with it as long as the nerd did his job well and fucked him even better (which Katsuki will never admit to enjoying, even at gun point. Pull the trigger, you coward). So, yeah, Katsuki could have accepted all of Deku's weird stalkerish behaviours (even if they weren't fixated on him all the time anymore and the 'Kacchan, sugoi!' comments had plummeted drastically....who needs the shitnerd to validate his worth, right?! Right...it didn't make him pissed AT ALL. because admitting that would mean he enjoyed it, WHICH HE DID NOT, MIND YOU)
What Katsuki couldn't accept was Deku accidentally using his official Hero twitter handle to post a very platonic (but in the eyes of rabid fans- borderline homoerotic) pictures of him and Eijirou and posted it as #Ground_Riot. The fucking flood of Zeku-haters and pro-GroundRioters had the comments section on FIRE. The post goes VIRAL.
Deku, fucking DEKU, the man who is secretly ENGAGED to him, is promoting GroundRiot like NO ONE's business and HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT HE DID WRONG.
Katsuki finds Deku happily puttering around their shared apartment completely oblivious to the PR hell that has been licking at his heels. He immediately attacks Deku's account and is completely gobsmacked. Lo and fucking behold- every fifth picture in his blog is fucking GROUND RIOT.
Not just that, apparently, THIS MAN, his fucking FIANCE, is not only a renowned peacemaker in inane Ship wars, but is hailed as a Soothsayer of Ships for always correctly prophecizing "Ships that will Sail into the fucking Sunset', he is basically some minor god in the Hero fandom who is extorting excitement out of fic writers and fans alike so that 'the crime of incomplete fics' can be eradicated once and for all. And Deku's fucking commited to it.
(perhaps more commited to Ground Riot than his own betrothal because there isn't A SINGLE POST of ZEKU on his blog)
There's even a post where he answers an ask from anonymous. The question: "Are you also anti-Zeku? I have never seen you post anything related to that ship. Is it because you think it won't Sail?" And Deku answers shortly how he isn't explicitly Anti-Zeku, but doesn't like the idea of reading fanfics of that ship. He clearly witholds his opinion if the ship will sail or not. Katsuki also finds the chat which started all this shit.
Chat-
Hey! @allmight9000. I wanted to write a GroundRiot fic? Could you give me some inspiration?
Aww, sure! It's my favourite Ship tbh. I love GroundRiot. I have a whole gigabyte of inspirations in my laptop. I'll send you some when I get back home, okay?
Yup!!! I am actually a hardcore Zeku fan. But recently my friends got me into Ground Riot and I am addicted!! But Zeku will always have a special place in my heart <3
I see. :)
Do you wanna try it out? I know you mentioned you don't like it. But I know some REALLY good fics.
No thank you ^_^ I make it a point to not read those fics. I just can't visualize it working, you know?
Oh...np. Each to their own. But I really hope one day you try reading some if you can?
I don't think so ...😅...uh...but..Any preferences for your inspiration though? or genre youre interested in?
Fluffff!!
Haha, okay! Look out for the new post on my twitter!
YASSS!! Love ya!
You too!
Katsuki sees red, he's about to flip his shit when he decides to give Deku one LAST fucking chance to explain WHY THE FUCK is he promoting Ground Riot when he should be shipping Zeku and demands of him if he really wants their Fucking Ship To Sail Or Not.
Deku gets defensive and says of course he does. Katsuki asks why he has been trying to push him onto Eijirou all this time if he wasnt serious about it. Deku doesnt want to answer. Then Katsuki gets fruatrated and asks WHY the fuck didnt he post Zeku.
"Because I don't want to support it"
"We are literally fucking engaged, you moron. What the FUCK do you mean you don't support it?!"
"I support Us, Kacchan! I just don't wanna support Zeku-shippers! Those two things are different!"
"WHy dont you wanna support them?! tHere is No Difference!"
"There is! I am not obligated to do anything for you. But if I admit to shipping Zeku out loud to the shippers, then I'm obligated to post pictures of us and I know that if I start posting that then my blog will literally be a flood of just Us all over!!"
"What is WRONG with that?!!"
"WE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE ENGAGED IN SECRET! NO ONE IS SUPPOSED TO KNOW! you said it yourself! That you don't like the useless yapping of reporters about your love-life where it isn't their business!"
"YEAH? WELL FUCK THAT!"
And Katsuki whips out his phone, takes a selfie of french kissing the hell out of Deku and immediately posts in on his twitter. Deku has hardly reeled back from that intense kiss when he realizes what Katsuki has done and he practically explodes in shame.
"Kacchan!! Our secret!"
"Your fucking fault, Deku. If I have to deal with the shitty extras at all, it better be for the right Ship, you dumbass. I'll punt you straight to China if I hear Ground Riot from your mouth ever again...capiche?"
"But I like Ground Riot...It's a valid ship, Kacchan. You cant diss on it just like that. It has wonderful scope, and the fluff in this ship is AMAZING. I think I have a soft spot for Uke!GZ and Soft!GZ now... and it is a really mutually productive ship unlike- hrmff!", Katsuki shuts him up with a smack to his mouth and sheds his shirt.
"Shut your mouth and strip, shitnerd. I'll fuck the Ground Riot out of you. Also, let's make this fucking clear that if you mention ANYTHING that goes anywhere near Eijirou's dick,ass, balls or mouth", Katsuki shivers, "then I'll wreck your dick, ass, balls and mouth. Remember that. Now STRIP"
"But what about platonically? That's a solid ship, right? Right, Kacchan? Also It doesn't mention Eijirou's- fuck!!!"
Deku gets wrecked thoroughly.
(Let's observe one moment of silence for his Shipping ass 🙏)
(r.i.p. Deku)
Katsuki later asks him why Deku doesn't read Zeku fics either, cause pretending to not like it to weasel out of obligation is fine, but it doesn't explain why he refuses fo read any either.
"A fic, especially the ones that I like, always are these perfect little stories which always have a happy ending. Can't help it, I'm weak to it, Kacchan- it's why I read fics at all, you know? For the rush of happiness and feels! It's always written with the intention that it will be perfect! And it is. But it doesn't come close to the real thing. There can be fics out there that come really close to what we really have though - but I refuse to accept that any fic could be better than the imperfectly perfect things I have with you, Kacchan. No matter what anyone insists, what I have with you is perfect to me. You are perfect to me. And that's all that matters."
Katsuki calls him an incorrigible sap and turns away to hide a violent flush that turns him red like a stop sign.
Omake:
Katsuki's #Zeku goes Viral too. But at this point no one understands what is going on or WHY. Because GZ appears to be a Zeku shipper when Deku is a GroundRiot shipper. Confusion abounds. Zac Efron memes agonize over Both ships, Captain America Japan Civil War Memes make a comeback. And for some reason, Deku keeps posting Ground Riot afterwards too and everytime he does, the next day he is seen limping.
"Did you have a hardtime with Zero-san at training yesterday?"
Before Deku can answer the one who asks him that, Eijirou comes up, winks and answers in his stead, "Very hard", and runs away to Mina's side before Deku has a shame-filled meltdown.
(The Ground Riot thing stops only when Mina and Eijirou get finally married.)
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