Aqua Teen Hunger Force Zombie Ninja Pro-Am (November 5, 2007)

November 5, 2007 saw the release of Aqua Teen Hunger Force Zombie Ninja Pro-Am: a real-life video game based on television’s Aqua Teen Hunger Force. A golfing game with a few non-golfing interludes, such as fighting off familiar monsters on each course and some golf-cart racing. You interact with all kinds of characters from the show; a MONSTERS ROW if you will.

Reviews for the game itself are pretty poor, and I can’t really speak to that because I didn’t actually play this game. I watched a compilation of cut scenes and some game play footage. The cut scene compilation excludes some other material, namely the color commentary bits that play as each course loads. There’s a straight-laced “Commentator Guy” and the Cybernetic Ghost of Christmas Past from the Future. Cybernetic Ghost’s lines are really funny. There’s also some mechanic where you collect footage that you can view from the menu screen but I didn’t successfully find it in any of the youtube videos I watched. I didn’t really look that hard, to be fair. And there was no way I was going to watch a 4-hour play through of this game.

The cut scenes roughly make up almost two episodes worth of content, and they are rendered in a mildly-off-putting computer-animated style, similar to the Drinky Crow show. It’s not ideal, but it suits the game fine, honestly.

And… that’s basically it. I’ll be honest, I was looking for some kind of wonderful reward for watching these cut scenes; like a truly notable nugget or surprise. Like, a Space Ghost cameo would’ve been neat, or something like that. There were mildly interesting things, like the fact that Patton Oswalt seems to have returned to reprise his Frat Alien characters (their initial appearance sounds like they just repurposed old show audio, but unique dialogue began springing up). I could be missing a few things from not sitting through game-play footage, as there are characters who show up during game-play that don’t show up during the cut scenes. But man, am I glad that I didn’t buy this game back in 2007. Mostly because I wouldn't have anything to play it on.

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace #1: “Once upon a Beginning” (November 9, 2007 - 11:00PM)

In an earlier review of Saul of the Mole Men, I touched on the concept of the “fake show”. This would definitely qualify. Garth Marenghi’s Darkplace is an artificial rerun; a seemingly repackaged old series with new interview segments featuring the cast as well as it’s star and main creative driving force Garth Marenghi. Marenghi is a popular and prolific Stephen King styled author who briefly dabbled in television Despite the self-agrandizing claims that the show was too shocking or ahead of it’s time for 1980s television, what we see is actually quite shoddy and poor, laughably so. Sorta like a comic parody of a schlocky B-movie, presented by straight-faced actors who are, in turn, portrayed by very funny British people. Matthew Holness plays Garth Marenghi who plays Dr. Rick Dagless. His pal and series co-creator Richard Ayoade plays Dean Learner, who plays Thornton Reed. Dean Learner is Garth’s publisher in fake-real life, and is a particularly terrible actor on the series. Dean Learner actually got his own spin-off fake talk show, which I’ve never seen. Is it good?

There’s also Matt Berry, one of my favorite guys. This was my introduction to him. I mean, this was my introduction to all of these people. Even that broad. What's her deal anyway? Sorry for being sexist for knowing about the guys on the show and not the lady.

In 2009, Adult Swim would bring more British shows to the channel and attempt to launch a British comedy block. It didn’t last too long, but we got some great shows on American television at least. This one was pretty hard to come by at the time; I knew of people importing the region 2 DVD, and this was a godsend.

Wed 2 June ‘21

Louis sent a message to a fan looking for a hello after a major surgery-- “Get well soon mate. Sending you loads of love x”- and added that he hopes ALL of us are doing alright; I never doubted it Louis! Niall got a little more specific with his really lovely message today- “HAPPY PRIDE MONTH, BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE. It’s your life, LOVE who you want to LOVE,” he tweeted! THANKS GUYS.

Liam though, Liam was all over today! He checked in on his way to play golf, on his way back from playing golf (with videographer Conor!), posted comments on discord, joined a new chat platform (Telegram; 5 minutes into Telegram and chill Liam was like OKAY it looks like we may need some moderators for this app lol YOU THINK?), he did a whole 25 min live, AND checked in even later to say he’d just had a shower and was about to play a new video game! New news of the day-- he is going to host a Veeps show showcasing new artists in July!! NEAT! His post about how his team forgot to turn off notifications on the phone they set it all up on for him on is really funny, YIKES; “this used to be an iphone now it’s just a bell” he joked, with video of the phone frantically chiming nonstop (“the power of you guys still blows my mind to this day”.) Also he said that he was very busy getting ready for June 15. Why, you ask, what is on June 15? UH? IDK?? He has so many things coming up? But that’s the NFT I think, which I KNOW a lot of people are mostly not that excited about but I will say that while I don’t care about the technology, I am excited to see Liam’s artwork he’s working on for it (which hopefully the purchaser will share with us), and Liam is truly so excited about the platform, he’s really trying to talk us into it. More on that in a sec...

But let’s get to the other parts of Liam’s live first. He has that new song coming, about which he said “it’s one that I’ve written the most on so far actually, as a single, I’m excited to say my own stuff for once a little”, love that. He’s still coughing but says he’s tested repeatedly and it isn’t COVID, and that he’s gone vegetarian recently, and he says the chat channels were inspired by seeing people using the veeps chat rooms even after the show ended, not wanting to leave. And he talks about 1D- about the notifs mishap he said “back in the band we used to wait for people we didn’t like to leave their notifications on and then we would like- oh make sure you follow this person on twitter! And then their phone would break for days- if someone did something that annoyed you.” HAHAHA where’s my masterpost of people who annoyed them 1D told us to follow, PLEASE? And also “it’s hard sometimes you’re watching people stories from afar that you used to know so well and that can be difficult… we’ve all felt this at different times me and the boys… it’s almost like missing a very dear friend a lot of the time but everyone’s so busy… I’d love to get us all in a room somewhere sometime” aww. But also he said he talked to Harry recently, “really a lovely call, he has a sixth sense for if I'm struggling or if one of us is in trouble, I spoke to him and it was a really lovely catch up. I have a lot of love for the man, he's really, really great"; well I wish Liam wasn’t stuggling but that’s lovely. And Louis too! "I spoke to Louis, I wanna say yesterday. We speak a lot, there's just a lot of laughing about random crap," he said, plus some Louis memories- “I can just hear his laugh in the back of my mind. We once broke into one of the stadiums in America and got chased by a woman… on one of those cop type things, a mall cop thing, and that was quite crazy. He also left me on my own while I was being arrested nearly by a French policemen that I had to push over… which that still scares me to this day. [laughing] That’s what friends are for! I helped him over the fence to get in somewhere, he left me with the policeman, who didn’t have a clue who I was and tried to arrest me even though I was just trying to go into my hotel.” UMM sorry I can’t hear anything past LIAM PUSHED OVER A COP?? Go ahead, make a list of ‘1D members most likely to fight a cop’ and if Liam isn’t DEAD LAST you’re just wrong and yet HERE WE ARE!! WHAT A DAY.

But alas rather than fighting cops now Liam is partnering with an entrepreneur (which I have had to type so many times in the last two days thanks to Liam that I guess I know how to spell it now they just keep SAYING it SO MUCH). Steve Bartlett said “the secret” is out, he recorded a podcast with Liam yesterday-- I’d call secret a bit strong, we had actually got that mate, but okay; he called Liam an entrepreneur and said “yesterday I recorded one of the most powerful, honest, REAL conversations on my podcast to date” and “if you love Liam you’ll love this.” I can absolutely guarantee you that is not true, I love Liam and already hate everything about this collab, but his wording does make me think we’ll get a bit of Liam’s trademark emotional spillage which I suppose I might appreciate despite this self help CEO guy being there too. Liam does have one thing to say that could sway me in this guy’s favor though- “he has the cutest dog ever” apparently! Anyway I may as well get used to him he’s suddenly everywhere-- Liam also patched him into his live to try yet again to convince us that NFTs are good by awkwardly relating it to “fans of boybands” by saying you know this could eliminate like fake tickets and such… Sure Steve sure but anyway he also says of Liam, “the guy you see on camera is the exact same guy off camera”.

Harry and Olivia were seen together in London (well, a grainy ass video of their backs was seen anyway), walking, with some people who look to be her parents and Harry’s PA (so romantic! Not at all work related!) I was initially skeptical of the claim that it was her parents since this fandom is obsessed with saying everyone is so and so’s parents (we’ll NEVER top the time the fandom was sure Harry was seen having lunch with Eleanor’s father though) but it actually seems like maybe it was. More for Harry to add to his collection, that man truly loves an extended family! I mean the whole thing is sketchy as hell, from the assurance that that’s DEFINITELY actually Olivia in the grainy video, FOR SURE, to the confirmation that that’s her mom with them which came when a blank insta page produced a random old picture of her mom in the same skirt, but like is it them, sure I imagine so, and people making sure we get the story anytime they’re together isn’t exactly new. In other news, Dave Meyers, director of the Adore You music video, says he originally pitched the Eroda story idea (“I have this idea, of you love- liking a fish”) to Katy Perry and the Black Eyed Peas, ASJKJASKL CAN YOU IMAGINE?

Bake-off - JJ (Outer Banks)

Request: can you write something with jj where the reader bakes a lot :) i understand if not, but i bake a lot (especially pies, i’m rambling sorry!) and thought this would be cute

A/N: So, since it’s JJ the baking had to include weed. 😛

Outer Banks Masterlist

///

The tray of banana nut muffins sat on John B’s table, half eaten. It was long before Big John died that there was ever even a homemade birthday cake in the house, neither men having much luck in the kitchen. But the muffins didn’t belong to John B anyway, they were JJ’s, which was even more peculiar, according to Kiara. If the Routledge men were shit at baking than the Maybank’s had never even turned on an oven.  

“They’re a gift.” JJ shrugged, laying across the laz-e-boy on the porch and munching on one.  

“A gift?” That was more shocking than their existence. JJ didn’t really get gifts and definitely not baked goods.  

“Did you mow someone’s lawn?” Pope asked, reaching for the muffin only to have JJ Flop away from him at the last second.  

“You could say that.” He grinned, attempting and failing a wink.  

“Ew, JJ.” Kiara groaned and walked back into the living room, emerging a moment later with one, “oh my god they’re edibles.”

“What?” Pope asked.  

“There’s weed in them.”

“Yes there is.” JJ grinned, “I ate two last night and was cooked. It’s some good shit.”

“Is it your shit?” Kiara asked, taking a bite.  

“Obviously, I said it was good didn’t I? I got the best shit on the island Kie.” He replied.  

“I know you didn’t make them so who made them for you?”  

-

JJ was a purest, as he dramatically referred to it. He rolled his own joints, dried his own weed for vaping, and he didn’t do edibles. At least he didn’t until one of the guys in the kitchen at the hotel turned 21. A box of cookies sat on the counter in the kitchen, marked Andrew. Double chocolate-chocolate chip, according to Andrew, and packed with a enough weed to “have you cooked after half of it”.  

“They’re delicious man, you gotta try one.” Andrew had insisted.  

“I don’t do edibles.”  

“You’ll regret it.”

And naturally, being told that there was the possibility for regret was a guaranteed way to ensure JJ did something. His bizarre fear of missing out dictated that he have no regrets and so he took one and ate the whole thing right there in the kitchen. And it was good...it was so good it didn’t even taste like weed and he was two seconds from telling Andrew he’d been dupped when he felt the familiar ease settle over him.  

“Where’d you get these?” He asked, slipping three into a plastic bag and dropping them in his backpack.  

“That girl that works in the kids area.” Andrew shrugged.  

You were a glorified babysitter, in charge of occupying people’s toddlers while they went out to play golf or shop or go to the spa. Not the greatest job in the world but the kids were usually easily contained and the parents always tipped well.  

JJ knew you to see you, always wandering around with some kid or another attached to your hip, talking about Frozen or Descendants...he’d heard you duet a song from some Disney Channel movie with one of the little girls just last week. It made you seem a bit green honestly. He couldn’t imagine you doing anything less than innocent, especially making your own edibles.  

He waited until after his shift to look for you, still wearing his white button up and vest but with his cargo shorts back on. You were outside supervising and participating in a game of soccer with a handful of eight year olds.  

“Hey,” he called, waving to you as he walked up. You tossed the soccer ball back into the makeshift field and turned toward JJ, “Andrew said you made him those cookies, for his birthday.”  

“Oh yeah,” you nodded, “I know he doesn’t like to smoke so...”  

“Could you make me some?”  

“Sure, what flavor?” You turned away for a moment to make sure all five of your children were still actively playing soccer and JJ took the opportunity to check you out. Your t-shirt advertised the hotel and hung loose on you. Shorts and a pair of running shoes completed the look and he was appreciative for the view of your legs.  

“Chocolate peanut butter.” JJ decided.

-

Chocolate peanut butter cookies, snickerdoodles, brownies, blondies, coffee cake, you and JJ had slowly formed a friendship built on experimental edible recipes. He supplied the weed and you made him whatever baked goods he could think up. He had even downloaded the Tasty app and Pinterest for the sake of finding new desserts for you to tackle.  

“So this girl just makes you whatever you want?” Kiara asked the next time a container of cookies appeared at John B’s house. Sugar cookies, with piped on icing that made them look like beach balls.  

“It’s business Kie. I supply the weed from my cousin, she makes the edibles. We sell them too, it’s a very lucrative business.” JJ replied, eyes closed, laying in the hammock outside John B’s while he smoked.  

Kiara was munching on a sugar cookie. She wasn’t really complaining about the edibles, her mom had been on her lately about the possibility of her smoking and the edibles were easier to hide. Especially because yours didn’t smell half as bad as some she’d had in the past. Mostly she was just curious about this girl that JJ was spending time with. He acted like it was casual but Kiara had known him for a long time and she knew JJ lacked the ability to hang out with a girl casually. Even they toed the line sometimes.  

“So when can we meet your esteemed business partner?” Kiara asked.  

“What?” JJ rolled his head to the side to look over at her, pushing his sunglasses down his nose. “Why do you wanna meet her?”

“Why don’t you want us to meet her?” She countered.  

“I don’t care. You can meet her.” JJ replied, trying to act nonchalant about the whole thing. He couldn’t fool Kiara and he knew that but that didn’t stop him from trying. He didn’t want you to meet his friends, mainly because he liked having you all to himself. It meant your attention wasn’t divided four ways.  

-

“These are burnt on the bottom.” You commented, sitting on the kitchen island beside a cooling rack of peanut butter cookies. The peanut butter was JJ’s favorite though you usually didn’t make them because of allergies.  

“They’re fine.” JJ replied, munching on a cookie while he scrolled through tiktok. You rolled your eyes at him and held one up, turning it over to inspect the nearly black bottom of the cookie. JJ had sworn that he would keep an eye on them while you left to talk to your mom on the phone but he’d let the buzzer go two minutes before he finally took it out.

“At least you’re the only one eating them.” You remarked, taking a bite of the one in your hands. You scrunched up your nose at the taste of burnt cookie, “the high better be worth it.”  

JJ put his phone down, pushing off the counter so that he could come over and stand in front of you. You raised an eyebrow as JJ moved your knees apart so that he could stand between your legs. He opened his mouth, letting out an ‘ahh’ and you rolled your eyes at him as you placed the burnt peanut butter cookie in his mouth.  

“It’s burnt.” You reiterated, watching him chew the cookie. You had discovered that JJ could pace himself far better with a blunt than he could a batch of cookies. He’d eat three in a row and get cooked, an unusual occurrence for him. You ran a hand through his hair, brushing it out of his eyes. “Your hair is so greasy it literally stands up on its own.” You teased.

“I washed it!”  

“The last time you went in the ocean does not count as a bath.” You replied. You continued to play with his hair as he leaned closer to you, eyes fluttering shut for a moment.  

“You have off tomorrow?” JJ asked, still munching on his cookie.

“Yeah but my mom’s home all day.” You replied.  

The experimental creating of edibles had led to a friendship and then a something in between. You weren’t quite ready to call JJ your boyfriend but you certainly weren’t entertaining the idea of anyone else. He spent all his time at your house when he wasn’t with his friends or working. Even when your mom was home and there was no baking, he hung around. At work he sought you out throughout the day, more than once crashing whatever activity you were doing with your kids.  

“I was thinking you could come out on the boat with us.” JJ said. He was determined, now that he’d told Kiara he would, to introduce you to everyone. It certainly didn’t mean that he was planning on giving up his alone time with you but he’d concede to Kiara this time. “My friends wanna meet you.”

“Okay, I’d like that.” You replied, smiling at the implication that he was introducing you to his friends, “but I’m making them better cookies cause these are burnt.”

“There’s nothing wrong with them.”

“No but there’s something wrong with me for trusting you to watch the oven.” You said.  

His eyes opened and he pouted at you. “I’m very responsible.”

“I know babe.”  

-

taglist: @maplelattes22 @poguesrforlife  @freckled-and-daydreaming  @chasefreakinstokes @millie-753 @fangirlwithme @alex12948 @howdyherron @katherine097 @tangledinsparkles @tragicmisfits @carbonated-beverage @mariofgreengables @damonsalvawhore27 @ssprayberrythings @dopedoodes @dolanfivsosxox @jolomez @timotaychalabae 

Spn prompt! I have a HUGE love of incoherent/delirious Sam and panicking/worried Dean, whether it's head injury, curse, blood loss, or dangerously high fever 👉👈

Your wish is my command! It ended up... longer than anticipated... but here you are! Unbeta’d, we die like men. This is weechesters and involves a kid being hurt, so if that’s something that’d bother anyone, feel free to skip over this!

(Posted to Archiveofourown as well.)

Sylvester Sharpe turned from the beat up Ford truck he'd parked on the corner of A Street and Cotton Circle after a voice coolly demanded his attention. The boy  that met his critical stare was about half his age — youthful, maybe somewhere between sixteen or eighteen: dirty-blonde hair; strange old necklace; a charcoal black Led Zeppelin T-shirt, darker with sweat around a neckline littered with holes that implied he really loved that goddam shirt. Sylvester furrowed his brow, put out his cigarette on the lip of a truck bed full of trash and beer bottles and stolen shit he'd been selling to good buddies who know a thing or two about loose lips getting busted, and squinted at the boy like he were pea-sized.

"What?" Sylvester said, the clipped sound one of impatience.

"I said," the freckled boy replied back, terse, "Do they call you 'Sly' around here?"

Sylvester snorted, loose-limbed and careless and ready to move on to the nearest liquor store to get a new pack of Marlboros. He turned toward his open truck door to move along. He said, "Yeah, I'm Sly."

The kid lunged, and they were on ground in a few seconds flat. 

An old man in an ivy cap walking his dog watched as the teenager started to beat the ever-loving shit out of him.

**************** **************** **************** **************** 

You don't mess around when it comes to concussions. Concussions are traumatic brain injuries — sometimes it doesn't feel like that, because you think "oh, well, they just shook some screws loose; they just have some stars circling around their head, and they'll be fine in a few hours". But real life ain't cartoons. 

If there's one thing you could give their old man credit for, it was that he never undervalued a trip to the ER when it came to the safekeeping of his son's brains. Dean had a concussion before, himself. Just before he turned fifteen; got thrown into a wall by a ghost before returning back to their hotel room and vomiting his guts out in a toilet not even worth pissing in. Sam had been about eleven, casting the kindest and most worried shadow over the hunch of Dean's back, rubbing his shoulders and nervously parroting Dad about how he absolutely shouldn't go to sleep, no matter how much he slurred he wanted to.

Dad looked up the nearest ER and drove him down. 

The nurses had to stand there with their mouths in a thin, concerned line while Dean rambled on and on about how he'd caught a Chupacabra in a giant net once in Texas and ganked a vampire last week in Pasadena. And, of course, Dean also asked where Sam was — over and over and over and over — until Sam had to lean forward in his waiting room chair and wave at him, a constant reminder that he hasn't been left behind anywhere. Sam had tired lines around his mouth, then, and worry in his eyes that had been overcast with exhaustion. That's one of the few things Dean could remember about that night. Just thinking, 'Man, Sammy, why you look so tired?'

If he hadn't been so fucking concussed, the answer'd be obvious.

**************** **************** **************** ****************

Stuck in some half-dead town in Nevada in the summer of '95, Dean was more than a little restless; Dad had left them to go wipe a vampire nest a few small towns south, and apparently Dean hadn't been "big britches" enough to handle a hunt of that scope yet. Which was total horseshit, because he was sixteen; he could outdrink any old chump at the bar and he'd gotten a kill list so long that it rivaled a suburban mom's grocery list. 

They settled into an apartment with no furniture save for a two-seated couch and some mattresses — and exactly two months worth of rent covered with no plans to renew — but at least it also had a television with a few channels, too. Sweating from the heat, he traded the urge to hunt with the privilege of kicking up his feet and watching The People's Court. School had ended an hour or so before, but Sammy'd stayed behind for some extracurricular club he'd been practically vibrating to join, and Dean had no plans to shoot it down while Dad wasn't around to comment on it.

There was a small struggle at the front door to unlock it, and Dean listened with a quirked eyebrow.

"You forget how human hands work, Stuart Little?"

The door creaked open a fraction in response, and then stayed that way for a moment. Through the sliver of open air, Dean heard a small sob that made his stomach fall through the couch, and as he swung himself up onto his feet Sam walked through the door and nearly right into him — it was easy to see why, because his right eye was completely swollen shut, purpled and shiny. Dry blood clung under his nose and matted one side of his head, and he swayed on his feet when Dean's hands jolted out to grab his shoulders.  The kid's backpack was nowhere to be seen. Probably dropped and abandoned.

"Sam. Sammy." His hand reached to touch, and he found the bloody, clumped hair hid a lump the size of a golf ball, split and oozing. The kid shuddered with pain, and tears continued to leak down one side of his face. The fear mutates and splits off, leaving a new, fresh wave of emotion: fury. This isn't a monster. These aren't claw marks or some bruise caused by a furious ghost. Some punk-ass kids must have jumped him at the school and left him like this. And his brother walked all the way back here like that. He would even bet they aren't Sam's age. Sam wouldn't have let them do this without a hell of a fight.

He could barely stop the snarl of his lips, the cold calmness. "... Sam, who did this?"

"I don't..." Sam licked his lips, looking around like he wasn't sure where he was. Garbled words took time to form with a tied tongue. Dean could bet if he peeled the other eye open, the pupils would be mismatched in size. "I don't remember. I'm... I don't know. Dean."

The fury had to wait. He moved to walk Sam to the couch, planted him there and squeezed his brother's shoulder; another cold wave of outrage washed over him when Sam winced in pain, like something was hurt there, too. "It's okay. It's okay, little brother, just don't move. I'm going to clean you up, and we're gonna — get you to the urgent care. You hear me? It'll only take a minute."

He got the first aid from the bare kitchen cabinet, dug around for all the things he'd been familiar grabbing any time Dad had gotten his bell rang. He fumbled with the supplies with all the grace Sam had opening the front door. Uttered a sorry before he carefully pressed the gel icepack to Sam's eye. The other eye locked onto him, red and wet, glazed with delirium.

"Dean," Sam wept, and Dean had to focus hard to make out what he was saying: "Dean, I think I'm dead... I tried to find help, but nobody — nobody stopped... I think they can't see me. I think I'm a ghost."

Jesus. Yeah, the kid was concussed. Bad.

"No way. Not my little brother. Never gonna let that happen." His smile was strained as he grabbed Sam's wrist and raised the hand to the boy's own face. "Ghosts aren't big on crying, right? The salt would burn like a bitch."

"Dean..." 

"Yeah?"

"My ears're weird... Sounds weird," he admitted weakly, like he'd done something wrong. 

"It's okay, dude. You're concussed."

"... Oh." Sam sat for a moment. Looked around the small, unlived space. The People's Court was moving into a commercial. "Dean... Don' tell Dad. Don't tellem I messed up."

Dean pressed a palm to Sam's chest, his thumb gently rubbing the hill of his collarbone to soothe him. Usually about now they'd be wrestling over some stupid fight, or he'd be getting him into a headlock to test his reflexes, or Sam'd be throwing pencils at him for interrupting his train of thought at the kitchen table.

"You didn't mess anything up. I promise." It was a Herculean effort to keep his hands soft and caring, because all they wanted to do now was rip someone to pieces. He was gonna. As soon as Sam was good, he was gonna split his knuckles knocking someone's teeth out. He was gonna paint the dirt with it. Gonna blacken both eyes and bleed both nostrils and break a few things in someone's body.

... But only after making sure Sammy'd be alright.

Sam was missing a backpack and about forty bucks in money he'd earned from mowing lawns for the balding, dorky librarian living across the street. That same librarian ushered the boys into the back seat of her Sedan and made a beeline for the nearest ER. With Sam leaning against him, his knobby elbow jutting into his ribs, Dean answered a question nervously asked from the driver's seat.

"I don't know who did it. But I'm real good at hunting down whatever I got to."

**************** **************** **************** **************** 

There was a gratifying sound of Sylvester's skull hitting the side of his own truck after Dean threw him into it headlong. Storming forward, he doesn't hesitate to pick Sly back up by his flannel jacket to do it all over again. "Taking from the grown-ups not good enough for you?! You think you can fucking steal from kids, huh?! Think you can beat up some kid a third your size, huh?! You fuck—"

Wheezing, Sylvester tried to drag himself up into the driver's seat of his truck, a feeble effort to escape his punishments. A small crowd from a barbershop across the street formed, but kept their distance — older ladies mostly who knew better than to put their hands between a dog fight. Dean ignored them to grab Sylvester by the front of his collar and hoist him a foot up from the seat he'd slumped on. Their faces were inches apart, so that he could look into hazel eyes seeing red. "If I ever see you again, I'mma kill you. Do you understand? Do I make myself clear? I'll sleep like a baby after."

Sylvester didn't reply, but he did moan in pain, and Dean considered that an answer. He dropped him and stepped over his heaving chest with dust-stained boots to retrieve a backpack out of the truck bed. Then he reached into the man's jean pocket with swelling knuckles, digging more than forty dollars out of the billfold he finds there and shoving the wad into his own pocket. Then he chucked the rest of the wallet across the unleased dirt field. 

"Go fuck yourself," Dean said finally, and left just as he'd come.

**************** **************** **************** **************** 

Dean and Sam could barely fit on the apartment's couch together, legs crammed together under a quilted blanket while the television had cast an ever-changing glow over them. Sam's face was still a mess of Dean's least favorite colors, but now he could see both of his eyes, and that helped loosen the knot in his stomach. John had been called from the ER, told the story from front to back, and he filled the teenager with grim vindication when he complimented Dean's recent successful hunt. 

The verdict: a 24-hour observation in the hospital, during which John Winchester strode in to keep vigilant watch over Dean as he kept vigilant watch over Sam; he hadn't stopped watching him since they'd gotten home after, either. Dean could hear his father's snores through the door into the one bedroom. Who knows when the last time Dad slept had been; he'd come straight back from the end of the destroyed vamp nest, no pitstops. 

"... Dean?" Sam asked after him, wearily. If he had a nickel for every time the boy said it today, he'd be a millionaire. But there was an awareness in Sam's eyes this time that had been frighteningly missing earlier, as he stared at him from across the short couch. In the ER, it had taken a lot of coaxing and promising that Sam wasn't as dead as he'd thought he was, and now Dean was very confident he finally believed it a day late and a dollar short.

"Yeah?" 

"Your hands."

He glanced down at the bruised, scraped up knuckles, and just shook his head at the sight of Sam's apprehension; he hadn't told Sam exactly what happened, but his brother was smart. Smarter than most people who came and went in their lives. Smarter than Dean had ever felt he could be. He sighed as he flexed his hands. "Don't worry. I'm not going to jail for murder or anything. Just... rest, okay?"

Sam's chin sunk into the blanket. Not appeased, but relenting. 

The battered kid mumbled, "You're the one who looks tired," then he smiled in that way that made Dean regret his bleeding heart. Dean's mouth opened for a moment, then closed. He played it off as best he could, but the rough emotion in the way he glanced aside and rubbed a hand down his mouth  was hardly subliminal. "Yeah, well. Sometimes worrying too much is exhausting, dude."

Sam bit his lip. "I'll try not to worry you as much, then."

Dean reached out, patted the bony knee near his.

"... I might have to hold you to that."

But really? He would never.

Low Effort in Their Own Way

All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." - Leo Tolstoy, "Anna Karenina"

I've been watching a fair amount of D&D content on YouTube of late, for varying reasons, and if I may paraphrase Tolstoy's famous quote above, I've learned that all good D&D channels make high-effort content, while each bad D&D channel makes low-effort content in its own way.

Low-effort content tends to be:

Content that is or can be created quickly; it doesn't require a lot of prep time (and the presentation usually allows this limited prep time to show)

Content that copies current trends; while a certain amount of response to significant events in the gaming world is to be expected, low-effort channels regularly feature content that basically boils down to 'here's my reaction to whatever rumor or scandal is currently being talked about among the community'

Content that does not spark or contribute to a discussion; when such channels go beyond simply recapitulating a recent event, they frequently spend very little time explaining their own reaction and seldom spend any time at all explaining or exploring contrary opinions except to make jokes or elicit emotional reactions from an over-simplified or straw-man version of the contrary opinion

Now let's start off by saying that I'm not knocking low-effort content per se; anybody who knows anything about online marketing can tell you that low-effort content has a role to play in any marketing strategy. Ideally, though, your low-effort content, the stuff that you can get out the door quickly and easily and get in front of your potential customers, exists to guide those customers to your higher-quality content that convinces them to buy your product, order your service, or otherwise become someone who believes that you have something of value to say. Because it's cheap and easy to produce, low-effort content can be cast far and wide to serve as a net to capture many potential viewers and guide them to the gold mine of the really important stuff you have to say. Unfortunately, when your low-effort content is what you have to say, it very much begs the question of what exactly it is people should be coming to your channel for.

Here are a few but by no means an exhaustive list of the YouTube channels that to me seem to feature way too much low-effort content.

The Dungeon Dudes

The Dungeon Dudes are two guys (Kelly McLaughlin and Monty Martin) who mainly do scripted back-and-forth style discussions of D&D-related topics. I've talked about the Dungeon Dudes before, when taking apart one of their recent videos, but they also stream a D&D game they play in on Twitch (and frequently post recordings of those sessions on their channel), do product reviews, and generally do whatever they can to maintain a consistent pace of content output, generally a minimum of twice weekly. They've been around for nearly four years now, and have amassed about 273 thousand subscribers on their channel, with over 44 million views for their content, which seem like decent numbers for a niche content channel. (Contract with CinemaSins, which exists as a viral content manufacturer, and has amassed over 9 million subscribers and over 3.3 billion views. I'm not trying to say the Dungeon Dudes are the CinemaSins of D&D; if they were, their numbers would probably look a lot more like those of CinemaSins.)

The big problem with the Dudes as content creators is that, despite being a niche content channel, they are clearly in it to try to eke out some kind of income or living from the work they put into the channel: they've got a Patreon, they use affiliate links in the descriptions of their product review videos to gain some additional referrer income, and they do sponsored content when they can get a sponsor. They started back in the summer of 2017 with a very 2016-era plan on how to succeed at YouTube: put together a bunch of short (5-10 minutes, occasionally longer, but go over 15 minutes at your peril) videos and release them on an iron-clad schedule to get people used to coming back to your channel and looking over your new content, and to their credit, they've kept up their content production schedule very consistently over the past four years.

They've also learned a few things during that time and have adapted the channel in response: their videos explaining rules and reviewing new products tend to be more popular, so they work those topics in on a more regular basis. They've learned that the YouTube algorithm has subtly changed over the past few years to reward channels that can provide longer 'engagement' (which gives YouTube more opportunities to run ads), and have expanded their video length to an average of about a half-hour, with their re-broadcasts from Twitch being extra-long videos (between two and two-and-a-half hours) which, while drawing fewer total views, probably draw as much or more 'engagement' from the algorithm for the views they have.

But the need to spit out so much content on such a rigid, unforgiving schedule means that they have to aim for quick-creation and easy digestion: putting subclasses into a bog-standard tier ranking, making 'top five' and 'top ten' lists that seem like they're being cribbed from a more thoughtful resource, and generally getting stuff out the door (like their 'Powerful Spell Combos Using Teamwork' video) without spending too much time thinking about how valuable or even accurate their advice happens to be. More to the point, it seems to be taking its toll on the guys who serve as the hosts of the show: Kelly McLaughlin has a fairly dour expression in general, but lately he seems to have the countenance of a man who's about to post a 'very special episode' discussing the dangers of YouTuber burnout.

The Dungeon Dudes feature low-effort content because they have to in order to support the publishing frequency they've chosen; if they were to take the time to put together a truly high-effort piece regarding one of their traditional topics, their Patreon subscribers would likely be asking why their release schedule had slowed down before their work was even half-done.

Dungeon Craft

The Dungeon Craft channel is run by a fellow who refers to himself as 'Professor Dungeon Master'; I have not yet found any reference in his channel or elsewhere that identifies who he actually is, so I'll just refer to him as Prof. Prof has been on YouTube a bit longer than the Dungeon Dudes, having launched his channel in October of 2016, and has put out 185 'episodes' (as of the time of this writing), thus averaging between three and four episodes per month. Prof's own 'trailer' video explicitly states his channel's concept: "Some channels focus on running the game, others on building terrain, others on painting minis. I do it all!" You might think, then, that this would be a place to find quite high-quality content, especially related to terrain and miniatures painting tips, but it seems like the main effect of Prof making his channel be about multiple topics (and there are plenty of topics he discusses that don't fit into any of those three categories above) is that he can't successfully communicate what his channel is actually about, other than about his specific opinions. Maybe that's the reason he's sitting at about 65 thousand subscribers and just under 5 million views.

However, being at a slightly lower 'tier' of content production than the Dungeon Dudes is not itself any kind of crime or even indicative of poor quality -- after all, one of my favorite D&D lore channels on YouTube is RavenloftTravelAgent, and she's got just over a thousand subscribers and only about 50 thousand views on her videos. No, Prof could have a very high-quality, high-content channel with the subscriber numbers and views he has, but he doesn't.

Prof's issue is almost exactly the opposite of that of the Dungeon Dudes: instead of cranking out a rapid-fire, breakneck volume of content to keep up with an arbitrary content production schedule because that's how you make a living producing content for YouTube and you have to keep feeding the hungry algorithm, Prof cranks out content that's very easy for him to write because he's been involved in the game for a long time and already knows that the way he learned to play the game is the best way. Any topic that comes up related to D&D, he's got an opinion and can spit out a script explaining his opinion quickly because it's the same opinion he's held for decades. Classic D&D didn't have skills, so the next edition of D&D shouldn't have them either. Classic D&D had slow advancement, so slow advancement is better than fast advancement. This becomes even more obvious in the videos that have very little or nothing to do with running a D&D game, such as where Prof explains why he thought Avengers: Endgame sucked, or why he thought Season 8 of Game of Thrones was 'nearly perfect'.

Some of the oddest episodes of Dungeon Craft have to do when Prof makes admissions that make him out to be, well, the D&D channel for 'that kind' of old-school gamer: the ones who can make comments to each other that they can't make in front of their wives or significant others because the latter find the comments sexist, the kind of guys you can complain to about not being able to tell a Polack joke at work, the guys who treated D&D in the 1980s and 1990s the way that guys in the 1950s and 1960s treated golf where they could build a wall between the world as it existed and the world as they wanted to believe it was (and, if we're being honest, the way that they believed it should actually be). Nowhere is this more evident than in the video where Prof starts by discussing the hot, rich girlfriend he had once who tried but never got into D&D who he just had to break up with, and which by the 3 minute mark has him "calling bullshit" on the idea that relationships are built on compromise and negotiation. (I mean, you saw this coming, right? Right there at the end of the last paragraph about how the ending of Game of Thrones was so good? You knew that's where this was going, right?)

And, of course, he's not immune to just jumping on the latest bandwagon to contribute his drone to the chorus of voices talking about things just to be talking about things. It shouldn't be surprising that Prof jumped on the bandwagon of the lawsuit brought by Hickman and Weis against Wizards of the Coast over the upcoming Dragonlance trilogy, which turned out to be a nothing-burger. Even weirder is the tag in the description of that video which says "Analysis you can't get anywhere else", even though the video doesn't contain anything that hadn't already been discussed over the three weeks between the lawsuit and Prof's video other than Prof's own opinions about it. My favorite howler that Prof makes in this video is his assertion that, because Hickman and Weis got a lawyer to file a lawsuit, that means there's definitely fire under that smoke, because "big law firms do not accept cases they don't think they can win", which both ignores the existence of SLAPP suits as well as the existence of authors who seem to take perverse glee in suing rival authors just to drive them out of the industry. He's also responded with multiple videos in response to Cody at Taking20s controversial 'illusion of choice' essay, and his response to Ginny Di's essay on making online D&D suck less didn't include any of Ginny's solid advice on making online play more compatible with an in-person mentality (recognizing interruptive behavior, or using text chat to maintain side-conversations that would otherwise not be distracting in person), but instead gave these recommendations to players:

Keep your camera turned on

Mute yourself when not talking

Don't distract yourself with technology during the game

Nothing specific on recognizing how online play differs from tabletop play and suggesting ways to bring those two styles closer together, just commands because he's the DM and he says so. Or, in other words, low-effort, opinion-based content.

Nerd Immersion

Nerd Immersion, a channel by Ted that started in May of 2014 and has amassed over 70 thousand subscribers, starts his "channel trailer" video by leafing through a book, then looking up and saying, "Oh, hello" as if he'd just noticed that there was a camera on pointing at him while he's sitting in his orange-trimmed gaming chair. That, sadly, is roughly the level of thought that goes into the actual content contained on this long-tenured but seemingly still super-niche channel.

The weird thing is that at some point, it was obvious that Ted put some real effort into this channel. There are defined sections of the channel that focus on particular things, avoiding the Dungeon Craft problem of 'what topic is our channel about this week?' On Tuesdays, Ted posts a top-10 list. Ted comes up with an idea for a series, like 'Fixing 5E' or 'Reviewing Unearthed Arcana', posts regular articles until he's said what he means to say, then ends the series. (There hasn't been a new Fixing 5E video in roughly a year, meaning that Ted isn't wasting his own time and that of the viewer continually beating horses he's long since killed.) And he comes up with some great ideas for series, such as his series reviewing products on the DMs Guild; that particular series comes out somewhat irregluarly, but not so irregularly that you think he may have stopped doing the series without telling you.

Nerd Immersion's big problem can be summed up by simply looking at the list of videos on his channel and noticing that when he puts his own face on the thumbnail of the video, the startling frequency with which he's shrugging or has a puzzled face or just seems to be presenting himself as if he's not sure what's happening in his own video. I mean, I get it -- that's his image, the personality he wants to present to his audience. He doesn't have all the answers (a refreshing change from Dungeon Craft, honestly), but has some things to share if you're interested, so go ahead and take a peek. But then you take a look at those different sections we spoke about earlier and see that the 'Fixing' series all have the word Fixing at the top of the screen, the Nerd Immersion logo in the top left, two images underneath the text, one on the right side of the page and one on the left, separated right down the middle, and they all have Fix-It Felix on the far right. The Top 10 videos always have Top 10 at the top of the thumbnail. The Unearthed Arcana reviews all have 'Unearthed Arcana' at the top, then 'Review' in an odd off-set to the right beneath 'Unearthed Arcana'.

In other words, Ted has a formula, and he's damn well going to follow it.

Now it's not a bad thing to have a workflow -- if you're going to be cranking out videos at the volume that Ted does (not to mention the others on this list), you'd better have some kind of process for making the video, getting the thumbnail on it, etc.; otherwise each new video is a horrible nightmare of effort as you re-invent the wheel for every project. Nobody wants to do that, and the results would likely be unwatchable. Having a process is a good thing. But the Dungeon Dudes clearly also have a process -- they've put out at least two videos a week for three and a half years, so they damn well have a process or they wouldn't have been able to get out that much content. Looking at their channel, though, shows you that while they have a brand, and one that's evolving over time to boot, they're not just making the same video over and over again, or at least you wouldn't think that from looking at the thumbnails.

Ted's most interesting videos are where he's interviewing another person or even just having another person in the video, because having another person around clearly takes him at least a bit outside his rigid formulaic comfort zone. The problem is that those videos are few and far between -- the review of the infernal tiefling is about eight months separated from his interview with Celeste Conowitch about her Venture Maidens campaign guide. Also interesting are his unboxing videos, because Ted clearly likes minis and takes some degree of joy in cracking open and looking at new minis. His unboxing videos aren't as irregular as his interview videos, but they are fairly recent, with the first appearing just a few months ago, so it's still not clear if this is going to be a new regular part of the channel, or just another series that goes until he says what he wants to say about minis and then stops.

Most of the stuff on the site, though, is just, well, stuff, cranked out on a formula and thrown out into the digital void with the same soft-spoken volume regardless of whether it's major news or a press release. As an example, while pretty much everybody had an opinion on the Dragonlance lawsuit, Ted covered when the suit was announced, when it was dismissed by Weis and Hickman, when the actual trilogy that was the subject of the novels was announced, and the official release date of the first book in the new trilogy. When it came time to get ready to announce the newest campaign book, Ted was on the job, posting a video preparing for the announcement, another video later the same day when his original prediction of a Feywild adventure book seemed to be contradicted by other rumors that the book would be a Ravenloft book, then posted yet another video when the actual book was leaked on Amazon at 11:24pm later that same day confirming Van Richten's Guide to Ravenloft, posted the video discussing the official announcement of Van Richten's Guide to Ravenloft the next day, and then the day after that followed up with more details on Van Richten's Guide to Ravenloft revealed in Dragon+. That's five videos in three days, for a grand total of just over 100 thousand views combined. The intention seems like Ted wants to be the CNN of the D&D news scene, but with those kind of distribution numbers, the result is more like your local home town's shopping circular that occasionally also features stories about the latest project to fix the potholes on Main Street. Just like nobody's doing 24/7 news coverage of your local town council, nobody is (or probably should strive to) doing 24/7 coverage of the gaming industry and Wizards of the Coast. At some point it just becomes running a script, pressing a button to upload the next video, because it's news, and while you don't have to think about news to quite the same degree you have to think about more opinion-based topics, once you stop thinking about the process and what it is you're making, all you have left is executing the formula, over and over again, and both the input and the output becomes repetitive.

Repetitive videos, in repetitive formats, with repetitive text, to keep the monster fed for another day. I can admire the effort that goes into it, but the overwhelming presence of the formula involved in cranking out this content keeps me from feeling that it's worth engaging with. It's low-effort, because the effort has been meticulously removed from the process.

I could go on, but I think I'll stop here. There's not really any constructive criticism I could provide to these channels because, as I hope I've pointed out, it seems like low-effort content is pretty much the only thing these channels have to offer or in truth can offer, and anything that might cause their owners to re-consider their channels to improve their content would almost certainly lead to a very different if not wholly different channel. With things being as they are online, there's no guarantee that any new, higher-effort channel would be any more successful than the old low-effort one (remember the RavenloftTravelAgent channel with absolutely miniscule numbers; effort doesn't automatically equate with success). I can't even claim that being low-effort channels necessarily makes these channels bad (despite what I said in the intro); after all, they all have at least some good ideas, especially Nerd Immersion, and they each have subscribers and a following. I guess this is just my way of putting some small amount of effort into explaining why I don't feel like doing more to help these channels succeed, because I'd rather put my support toward channels making higher-quality, higher-effort content, especially because its not the content itself, but people engaging with that content that really drives a channel's success.

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I year ago like this week with Elma’s anniversary has been even hyperactive instance like a urologic where Mary might think that is really touches on everything you just discuss the potential light on so when I first sat down with Andy Dioand we had that AEI we can any do we like each other timeout like things we can do in storiesand we told themand one penny he said to me because you is wanting an IDC shape DC has always been a struggle for me to be like 40 fictional organizations that basically do the same thingand actually very messy as a literary device it actually is difficult for some of the other writers now they’re all created out of good places all creator going on when I make a thing so I don’t bother the other thing is 516 so I he said story like I like a spy thriller where all these thingsand all urging yourand I seminoma your interest like knockdown about something something arises out of it dad that was kind of the the purpose of all of this that could be pretty cooland what has to push back against it. Injury resume displays there you where they left is obviously not the one Michael Silver in the NFL network that your golf because of the Cal connection but from a different perspective last year just cut to the chase why is it that part of the Cal offense really was install by Sonny Dykes but the offensive coordinator what is it that none of that was brought in you drafts of the number one like Mary O’Halloran James Winston or Tammyand you install parts raise their familiar withand approaches but the disaster didn’t do that why you think that was welland glad personnel you begin to get a on the opposite is knowledge that we may be short done that they were I think a private area that is a valid question in general why oh why you many Apple coordinators insist on you know not having to do with them of what is to live my life back to as you was the often lineand maybe still is developing that much you notice that it a lot of peopleand myself included potentially talk about the proposal in the trenches line installed outline we immediately revert back to the mentality with anything that we can’t do this is my quarterbackand allow you to be flattered of a negative I really have to do a lot of the lines the cowboy last two years or the raider last year are you taking the team nylon in 2017 I see what the line can do I reminder that while you really think that I think the render the Einstein to chance what concerns me is that I don’t think the line is all want to do so without a salon Dell I’m very curious to know what you think of the raider’s chances this year with your prediction or can you make it prediction about doing what we need a predation but I you I’m very you think I know many of the type of team that they could better than doing oneand in any given point out they were in that position but I think they are that good the incident concerning those are you there be better a table waiting 30 they should also be a hell I am excited aboutand you have to death the running back God the line is really really good the quarterback is getting betterand you Jericho to the tandem of Michael Crabtreeand Lori Cooper which is pretty specialand I don’t see him getting stopped regularly so I am really raters I think you played a very good team to be there they were obviously scary on paper even scarier than going to last year I really like better than a lot of people realize that I say to someone who lived our way because I would down going in the last

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properties all the goodness you can bring in rental is inspire in this with inhalation as the season goes into the chestand love just imagine permeatesand going to the bloodstreams it promotes a wellnessand healingand rejuvenates your whole mindand bodyand spirit with this mine hold the breath spread the breath in the chestand everywhereand then as you breathe out slowly bring up an intention in the body while these fears anything suffering of the world breathe out with the holding in your mind just breathe out also the sword carbon is releaseand this failure exile send this way to stay with inhalation when inhaling staying with his retention rented holding the breathand then stay with accelerationand breathing out each of them finally do them to inspireand him have two rejuvenated when you hold the breath to releaseand let go of an XL so do six surrounds theand after every six surrounds then take a minute break so the surgery the second slot of time he remained still in the Paul should get his do not forget to do the breathing know what is supposed to be thinking free effectand in this way keep your attention so Chrisand time your duration of the batter food no more than six rounds after every six to take a minute break don’t let the mind wonder all fall go doll the forgetful lazy to the Bolshevik stick the abiding in this really mindfulness on holding three stillness of the object environment the postureand the days allies know the full stillnessand this time is one pointedly focusing your attention not only doing would qualify round of breath but dutifully counting without losing the account without compromising the actual quantity so the quality of you all in breathand attention Brad accelerationand then count them at the end of each exhalation meant Tijuanaand to console up to say 21and it’s most likely to succeed to reach that without losing the Then take a minute break when you reach the 21 should you readand distractedand the whale somewhere without being distracted by the distraction just use to take a useful minuteand then started to succeed to reach the top of 21 000 account try to increase the sharpness resolution of the rebound breathand then tried those counting starting with 21 for the first round once finished the culture into theand then to the next swing in the next only do knowand seeand feel each effect all three segments around breath finish that been count night send this was still very focusedand attentive mindfully staying with the full were those counting of cold hole toand the do all the the home on all the old all so thank you for joining with the meditation of cruiser meditation is in Oakland is best done when you don’t have to look at the screenand someone leading your butt look at screen your own mindand but because this time we are doing this guiding this meditation as part of our regular tradition so that today’s topic of the talk is motherhood in Buddhism the mother in Buddhism so because today’s a Mother’s Day dinner when this was injured using internationally but to the role of mother in Buddhism this is very important so I will try to address this topic all for remembering all motherand her kindnessand how to go all develop a consignment of some people have difficulties with the mother the need to reconcile’s because if they don’t reconcile that is probably the many of the problems in life is the repetition of that is so in the context of I would like to draw give this dole in context of the four Noble truths to the suffering of the slides to the truth of suffering is the suffering that as we have faith to do with our mother colonial peoples so still suffering with the mother of the problem is to do with the motherand and the end I think her mother is the problemand so therefore that life is somewhat to somewhat damaged by that something else to do with the motherand parties shall mother has a role to do so that’s the truth of suffering the truth of origin of the South suffering that one has with the mother is not reconciling with mother not to the paying kindness not realizing how sufferingand not realizing how signifiesand all being selfishand the not to the seeing what all Mother’s Day but we only see what we didn’t get for my mother so this greedand self centeredness is the true origin of the suffering to do with one’s motherand theand then them so the then the remembering the kindness of motherand so onand wanted to practice a consignment with mother is of course the truth of the noble truth of the path that because you will be able to try to practice righteous to choose with lovingkindness so much of the tall gone thatand hopefully they will be the truth of cessation decision is that there is no longer the same problemand anger is a Zen man then our children to to do with the heavens above with the mother but in the in relation to that first I would like to just go back to the Godand his mother when the Buddha was the widow was born when he was better which is why we called the consumer with year old it was just one week old souland young his mother passed away’sand the so therefore Buddha was did not really have an actual lot of time to spend his time with his mother he probably knew that the chose to conceive of the timeand he did so nevertheless it is said that when Buddha was the meditating of the beach just before the couple maybe couple of weeks or days before his attainment of Enlightenment so the sum of the day was informed of the Buddha’s mother who she has been being reborn in the heaven of the threat through them God’s informed half saying that your son has deserted your palaceand deserve your husbandand he has not fulfilled her wishesand expectations of the per patternsand his wife that he has a abandoned the childand wifeand he’s now about to die of starvationand sold so therefore them in the mother from the accuses heaven the 33 rounds looks down he also could see the house the Prince about the is indeed the is a emaciated bodies become so thinand weakand sitting under a tree almost like a slug of minutes of Scott so she criedand wafted to sitand when she criedand said the teardropand blue those lapsand it is then the Buddha broke silenceand told his mother that her mom please do not to be ill informed by the day was but I’m about to win enlightenment in the very shortly so I would visit so that is the storyand thenand not so long after his attending enlightenmentand turning the wheel of domicile enough he actually then visited us he told her in on the end of his disciples that he has to go to teacher his motherand then he went to to the heaven of threaded throughout God for three months three months to repair kindnessand revenge of the people of the Dharmaand other teaching to the heaven of the interim goals including his mother so that’s example of how Buddha interrupted from his three months I wish Abbé Scholz know me from this worldand then he wentand talked to the dogma to his mother so that is the life of Buddhaand so also goes with the I can remember that this is such a pundit the antigen century so that heand his mother was very illand cannot go suffering while largely the illnessesand could not spend a good nights sleep all day since very longand so onand also he was as a celebrated Buddhist monkand teacher she wrote this special style Jim will rebuild this is the book was called demo rebirthing but actually it was a how to entertain his mother’s teaching other Buddhists a pathand status of Enlightenmentand the soulsand subsequently his writing has become a are damn all boardgame in Tibetan Buddhism then couple of American scholars of Tibetan Buddhist scholars have turned that bull right into text called demo report in order to teach his mother to repair kindness sold the gray masses have have done a lot of great work so today I’m going to really help you to focus on how youand I also as a as a as a child of our mother can best best learn to to approach the all all perception of motherand change by reflecting on heart kindness first for its it’s important to call my mother very lovinglyand very redand set my kind mother my kind motherand if you can say that you’re my kind motherand just try to see her face just try to see remember the times that she been very kindand does this remember the time that she had she she has she has become a very oldand then how much himand his suffering not from the day that she she conceive you all what must have how delighted Moshe have been as found a found a gem all all what ever so all mother from the very day that she conceive us in in in hot womb as she she was willing to forbear all hardships physical hardships emotional hardships as well as financial constraint is water whatever a professional kind of a risking to the sacrifice she had to make a lot of women when they become pregnant they basically have to have to give up their career or give up the positions than mothers or mothers have done that so therefore try to remember imagine old the what the what a physicaland emotionaland financial difficulties all mother would’ve gone through the G June 1 time June 1 ignition timing me when she considerately conceived in in a mouse in her womb almost should put up with a hard life at the online so to speak she did put half live online so that she can that usand bring up bring bring bring up in this world so so therefore it’s very important to remember what what takes to become the to what takes to become a biological mother just carrying the baby for nine monthsand 10 days to be exact according the third but also wrote a very beautiful all time about about her confessing all the sufferings of mother who he knows that is partly due to him being is said because childand he says my mother you carried me nine monthsand 10 days in your bodyand the ever increasing weight of my body has completely sort of sag your bodyand jeopardize your other activities in life but nevertheless you put your live onlineand are used voluntarily accepted all the sufferings on all full photos to me to be born into the world then from the moment that the you will bond be up on even though we were helpless but she completely is no embrace all body with hot warmth of our bodyand clean the dirtand filled inand the snoband the old old you know whatever we remix every Minnesota come out a waste of my Bob orders she would clean itand wipe itand the anything to put in her womb armsand look at look at with a kind eyesand called with a very sweet namesand theand the that she wouldn’t even even drink on warm food or drinks but instead she would rather she would rather delay them until we are totally comforted on Julia settle downand theand breast feed us old her physical needs into strength whatever strengthand energy she has even that she would rather let that do all the bodily energy of how she would breast feed usand that wasn’t just for today just for today or one night continues for 2 to 2 years she should continue to hold us she wouldn’t to go out even for a day even for couple hours is as we will be will more precious than hop on life what one of the debating places that we were treated as own piece of hot dinnerand the from which charcoal also ways to keep us from dangerand protect us from the coldand heatand it never would do to part from our all moment she would do all kinds of things so that the solid food could is not easy to swallow all the mashed with our fingers thingsand then try to feed us even though even though we are not corporative to to do that she fed us slowly you know that the that the weather whatever even though we can just lie down where reports she would not leave us alone she will constantly keep a watch so that she wouldn’t dare to do anything for Hamas should become the constant care constant God closed in sort of a poetical like a herder like it is animal you’re constantly hurting them to become the most helpless the thing that highlight has found but most preciousand she therefore has it just old half signifies all to how timeand enjoyment in activitiesand interest but completely giving us giving us the to the foodand clothes warmthand the not letting us to face any hardships what whatever she would shoot even though we couldn’t understand a single word she was still speak tirelessly many words our conversations one work one way conversation but she just just the way we look baby smile she would that were to the only comfort she has but she would constantly told conferencing constantly tell storiesand thenand not the mindand on hardships that she has brought us up in these ways that she doesn’t have any time to do spiritual things to do Mondayand things all of that she riskand put aside but the tirelessly not just one day or night so that she constant her whole life become totally busy just to give him to bring me up so how could possibly can we can we forget all the Titus title is word that our mother didst just to give us bothand itand it realized until as far as we could Kroll even though we could crawl that wasn’t enough though because she could she wouldn’t because we can call now she’s afraid that we may we may wonder off to those dangers placesand then stingsand therefore she would do she would not dare to part anywhere she would constantly keep an eyeand theand therefore make herself like a most dedicated’s most devoted companion terrorand the endand the one who loves theand the seizures she she she could not depart for us even for a moment so all of how they relate to saved wealth all property shouldand did you use junior high youth she may have to do do additional job more than two or three jobs over all those that is a savings that she didn’t day to spend she would buy everything that for our need for those clothes whether it’s a toys whether it’s us other necessities that we need for usand the whole body is constantly not losing strengthand energy to shapeand form what mention all the stress she would not remind us to the she would not mind to signifies any of that dispense to give to spell to us so that we we will not be the be called or hungry or thirsty or unattendedand and so on so all mother has has become basically oldand frailand and dependentand sometimes emotionally very depressedand tiredand sleepless but she still would not’s complaint are single word to us but she rather where all about those hardships willingly on on on ourselvesand theand the eventually she ourselves would have scored if some of us have for us all mother still alive then you would know she’s 20 3040 years older than you probably in a nursing homeand theand theand how much attention she did when she has become now helplessand oldand and the end themand lonelyand need company that how much of timeand companyand things are weand have been willing to do so that those of us who whose mothers’ just imagine she has completely partedand left everything behindand she had to go to the on net uncharted territory of next live in the bottles over having having to carry all the that she created on behalf of us just to bring us up to much physicaland emotional that she she would have she would have to go through all of that she she she herself was parted from this physical world but emotionally older that she has created to bring us up all she has to carry like a burden to to go to those difficult places placesand and spaces so what we doing about is is we need to remember all mother’s suffering mother sacrificesand mother’s kindnessand how much since our early days all mother’s physical bodyand how condition had deteriorated due to illness agingand later on by death that even when half of any precious body still wasn’t was a taken twos like symmetry or something you knowand andand all in those in the West because they they would put in a very shiny ball so you don’t see that in the in the traditional they were there would still a lot of take the body into symmetriesand a letter letter to be deposed to decompose all eaten by by bio Wawa animals like vulturesand so on because been out even if all sing all the has all the pieces of body become so strewnand taken away by means but there’s nothing she can do about that so that’s that’s that’s that’s our life so we have become rather like orphan who couldn’t do anything we we would we may we made love all mother but we do can do a thing in terms of risk to half from suffering of all digital signalsand yet we kindness when you think about it is safe is the truth of the responsibility fell on us which many of you will as a biological mother if you have been your self mother just of the same amount of physical care emotional careand the financial signifies you have made as a mother you your mother would have made same if not more some people may have some sad stories of not getting the same situation but but even that these cannot blame your mother your mother is a and how on stressand hardshipsand difficulty were largely due to having taken up the liberty to give all of that to to awes so therefore we should still remember my kind old mother my kind old mother thinking that my own kind old mother’s when she has to part when she has to about that from these life she doesn’t have any medics to take so much metal to take with us because of the all of the car and difficulties that she she she she she she went through are largely the note can be cannot be shared by you or shared with anyone else yet all the better that she created that are negative audit objects was largely her intention was just for the sake of all on alland all on being so therefore being able to think of mother is that in many send some of us would have no opportunity to to repair the kind his mother because she’s dead already others some of use if you have your mother is still alive it’s very important to going to consult with us part of the reason that you all she was still very negativeand miserable was because you have any consult with your mother if you have any consult your mother that is the part of the problem but you couldn’t really hold your your friendship with anyone else for very long is because you have is resentment to basically reflect everything as you did to to the mother to everyone elseand the certificate some goes with the father as well so those who consult with the veteransand the mother in particularand those who learn to be consult it’s never too late so so therefore today’s a good day to the two how to how to go to consult with your mother at least tell half of that you have you have you have come to the moon your own selfishnessand the not being so grateful I have not been very courteousand apologize halfand even apologize all for the sake of peaceand I’m not talking about a severe mother was a was was perfect but you didn’t see how that red doesn’t mean that your mother still was a human being every human being has has a lot of imperfect perfect characteristic as well as very good perfect a good characteristic so don’t try to idolize anybody’s mother anybody’s mother’s everybody every mother has has horn on opinion about how child as well so therefore the everybody every mother would be perceived differently accordingly those people who who have the goodness to to see the motherand hot amount of the graph hardshipsand signifies that all mother has enjoyed it should do we should grow up right nowand not’s not sit on this very awkward point of view oafs is smokingand reflecting to the motherand hard treatment oath towards oneself as being non acceptable disrespectful whatever it is but even then we should now to grow that life is so shortand let before she dies going to consultand say I’m sorry on I’ve grown to accept you a fix of you as you are rather than trying to make some negative comparison with others so therefore being able to remember all kind mothersand motherand see how much she’s passes become old become sickand become dependent of the committee sadand lonelyand put yourself in our shoesand try to therefore learn to repack kindnessand so his mother weptand even in the 7030 could not bear to to to stay in a mall but he promised to the visitand he did he visited half a member both of those mother in the have the heaven of that the roundsand then then Dave spent all this time giving teachings to half so what is it that you can do to to repair the kindness of mother himand Bullock could say you know my mother wasn’t there when I was young because she died a week beforeand after he was born so he had hardly known as a biological mother with this list onto your stepmother’s up to go to maintenance stepped in she did thisand it becomes a stepmother because she stepped in to take over the role of my undatedand and brought him upand so on even then brother was in the top of that deliberately took all the way time to go to the the Heaven of 33 roundsand spend the timeand give the teaching so hence we have this Buddhist festival cope with the descending from the heaven that’s is descending from heaven after having to spend time to repair the hot kindness in the know he could not repay kindness to his mother in the same life so you should not think it’s too late to repair the kind as her mother even say your some of your mother pasta way you can still goand do something because you read because we don’t know where your head hits of our mother is reborn but is possible that she is still wondering in some solderand and she has no no one to care for no one to remember how so therefore it your will never go astray if you as a as a as a child who has remember eyes orphaned by the mother’s absence even though we read helpless agreement we must still remember how kindness who all mother these how much older all weekand she might be in the systemand even though we want to go looking for hollow shucking when Buddha could see where he’s mother is we couldn’t not see how the could not call on themand she will hear so we are completely different vasectomy recording where the mother is couldn’t call a nameand where she went on since a but nevertheless we should still can do all memories I remember hot kindnessand see how helpless we are now but nevertheless feel indebted to to remember hot kindness when you remember some people’s kindness then you definitely feel grateful to gratitude that we are able to seal all will greatly so warm up loving feeling will come from all hotand you have a loving kind loving feeling towards all mother then you would no longer presentand develop brood it will all all all talk negative thing some people of you have seen that all the big window here Buddhist about you remember the kindness mother repair kind of thisand I forgot I remember of any kind is my my mother did become very very hostile to the whole idea that we have to be kind to her mother of course these are some people have that kind of karma of not having had any pleasant experience with’s mother and that is also to do with so therefore we do is we should picture the bed we should try to try to modify the by by remembering such as Mother’s Dayand tried to light a candle or remember kindnessand tried to bury your egoand try to be consult withand think of their great contribution inand get to the kind of that she bestowed upon us even though we do not have even though many loving motherand a son of a child’s will close our loving bell juju goalsand conditionedand no one has freedom to spend the time ever with the mother all this you have to go when you least want to go away from her mother she you go away from how she went away from your souls so therefore how much she but yet she gets almost like hot has been taken out of our love alive yet you know we we have left off motherand she has can’t see us say your mother is alive but she can see you because you are so busy you’re being successful or whatever but still what is success if you don’t have time for your mother to success is jeopardizing your well being so your material to weld is successful people don’t spend time with veterans old to seek all all on lonelyand then they leave it until last minuteand then they’ve been to have a lot of guilt of the colonial peoples depression is because they didn’t do that the right things to the parents to the mother while they need them why they most pertinent time to repack kindness when they seekand lonelyand old that time what is you your success means she can’t barely see you or spend quality time with how even when you spend time with our you don’t you you are you or you don’t do this Ted aspects to all speak courteously lovingly to the then then there is every reason for hard to be very upset so therefore we have to do to try to do the right thing to repair the kindness of parents while they are aliveand dead they are there one day you would be then when she’s died or what ever you would be depressed for a long time peoples depressionand anxietyand the volatility of the emotional instability the mind so emotionally we is because they haven’t really warmed up the heaven really done the real work will homework to do to to repair the kindness of one’s wedding loving mother them every single mother mother by nature biologically is kindand selfless in front of do a child enter not to remember that the kindness of all one’s mother is a great is a is of so therefore in Buddhist teaching emphasized motherand remembering the mother as the first practice not only the mother but see old singeing beings as mother not just from this life but from Paul’s life’s the difficulty that we have in certain people in the end in this lab is also buys lives mother’s beautiful witch with whom we have reconciled so therefore reconciling with all motherand and do not talk about how mistakes all hard wrongdoing but thinkable the sacrifice you made when you do that then you can see while someone else’s nobody will be able to do that like my mother did to me so therefore I should be able to have the goodness to forgive her even of hot mistakesand who hasn’t got mistakes in your sofasand also is a better window mother would have would have said if your sister for the same criticisms that you think about your mother what would you think say your son or daughter are all thinking having the same attitude as you have with your mother ones what would you think what you feel my children are so ungratefuland then she was completely it is same as your parent going through so the karma is very very escalating this off not reconciling with parents is very heavy it will really get you result it hasn’t got you up so that’s why the remembering the dryness of motherand and are doing something to her while she is alive make sure that your visit all the time that you spend is different than you really she really mixed to get to know that she have come to growand become strongand grown to become wiseand starting to really speak kindlyand lovingly to our small acts of kindness we should do a video visit to be very very sweetand short very very unimpeded by your normal behavioral reactionsand rebelliousness all over the child father tried to be very good consented to speak kindly thank how things give credit to offer all the things you areand you have actually that’s true your educationand knowledge just noise financial independence where you are in love you would be there have not been all the hard work you did your parents did in your life being able to thing these will make our students made us to grow in the heartand therefore have you will even when she dies all even in your old as you would never regret not having be consult the better you will feel all it was a long journey but in theand I’m so glad I be consult with my mother you always speak fondly of the mother might kind old mother you will speak to my Kino some people can’t even said so the mother my mother but is assimilated that the that they can’t even speak kind informed me the name of the mother so they don’t say my dear mother my kind old your mother they don’t it as they consider that they just they just have this only negativeand very vindictive identity is the associate that is a very heavy heavy and this will slowly not already what impact you all the behavioraland emotional problems if you have some emotional problems that rooted in that not not on the inability to do the conservative mother then it affected you with your husband over the wife all the gifts with whoever you are working with you always reflect them with that kind of resentment because that is what is is like a perpetuates negative perpetually negative things unnecessary guns of the positive if you create a positive to reconcile the negative was then slowly you will see the kind old mother even your own body your own nose you on our accent is exactly like your mother can see the how much of your bloodand your your muscleand your everything is the mother’s sweatand tears so therefore it’s very important to learn to repair the kindness to repay kindness constitute soon doing things lovingly speaking things respectfullyand feeling warm emotionand Mecca feel that youand us so therefore when you repair the kindness you usually do loving loving things you do generous things to do small things for hard on her own termsand don’t question about who is right is wrong what would she will do is make a happyand if she remembers you making a hot hippie few times before she pauses a way that is that’s going to be’s just so you knowand are feeling a remedy to all the problems in your self will also will it will latch to do the shift the amazing power of love part of kindness part of him even if you have referees in the Buddha for what doesn’t need you need you need your good hard to reconcile with your mother sent in a lots of people of all have a very warm feeling towards him but with their own home with her own mother over the only major familiesand most closes one that treating each otherand estranging each other with some resentment over small thingsand let that grow a huge problemand not even talking to each other for days years months this is the biggest problem in the mutualistic Western societies where they they don’t have the bond of loveand respect to the elderlyand barons for the hardship they have in Jordan that signifies the instant remembering them they remember few negative episodes in their life a childhoodand then lumber the bearand with that that is the true’s true origin of suffering so here the therefore her to to reconcile with that one needs to practice kindness generosity toleranceand compassion with all motherand even if your mother’s note around still you can start to check attitudeand change attitude about how not from negative to nonnegative from the negative to positiveand then from positive it’s very warmand and as a result of that you will you have ever feel indebted to your mother said you have a good husbandand maybe have a good wife all maybe a good job but where would you get those things without your mother has a heaven given breast fed you once you cleanse you just wanted to do for all those years until you are able to do your own thing how many years it took before you become grumbly independent who did all the hot lifting to to be where you are so not being able to remember the kindness of motherand barons is easy is a laudable obstacle to to your spiritualand emotional upliftmentand and contentment have just gone Denman in life you really bit unhappy in life show old people have some disheveled but much of them has completed folk will have stem have stemmed from your not reconciling with your mother so therefore remember your mother only once a year on Mother’s Day is of closes it is a is a really really really delicious at issue remember the mother every day every dayand every day we should to think of kindnessand compassionand all the contribution she has made to your lifeand all the speak kindly about howand a repair kindness of your mother to your mother did not try to do some other people who also mother of all to the elderly woman who doesn’t have children who doesn’t get much from them try to be kind to them as slowly much so how many mothers mothers have been misunderstood by the childrenand have been completely estranging the never get a they never get about that than it was a happy Mother’s Day it’s a really despicable so therefore it’s important to repair the kindness of our mother as best as one can watch if possible to hire while she’s alive to not at least someone who’s near his dears to her that tell how the day that you have a consult with halfand you totally forgive how apologize offand would never thinkand talk in the negative way that you normally do try to make up some shiftand change it into youand your attitude about how one how one one thing so once a mother because if you have change your thought about your mother then you will you will have the cessation of the suffering related with mother if you have a consult with your motherand make peace with hall make peace with all theand then you you you will you will be much kinder to yourselfand other mothers as well because otherwise there is is a business amazing kind of a home view that you continue to hold that the regarding your motherand you’re not therefore that’s that’s the true origin of your suffering is suffering is not because you have all of the problems who doesn’t but fundamentally not being able to having loving feeling towards your mother mother is is everyone’s soles of real joyand happinessand gratitude majority people’s also join happinessand gratitude is the motherand show your husbandand wife sure that you met them only when you’re going to do a whatever what but who brought it up to to be able to meet such a wonderful husbandand wife all job or whatever so be considerate of all where you all to be able to get what you are you where you figure someone is a wonderful new life but your mother isn’t you have not grown up at all so that’s why it’s very important to effectively utilize this Mother’s Day not only a look at your mother’s photoand the spent couple moments to in front of itand meditateand try to express your gratitude loveand and if the necessary forgivenessand the thing and if she’s alive give out a cold really do not wait anymore some of you have not called your mother you still think she’s wrong all you think it’s your fold either way it’s a waste of time but tried to kill the time by pick up the phone while he hold a whole holder phone or something like that in your life that you’re not reconciling with your mother so therefore the part of lovingkindness it tools your mother can make yourself doubly empowered to be able to consult with your mother with your mother so that’s why today’s talks is not only because his Mother’s Day but also I was thinking because this is of a soft week they suddenly according to Theravada Buddhist calendar which most Buddhists are terrifiedand in the country’s death celebrating they suckedand lost the tested is actually the full moon but some are still celebrating this weekand so therefore I was just reflecting on the Mother’s Dayand remembering about the Buddha’s life soand also today Okamoto Bliss are celebrating this out according to this calendar so it’s very good to remember on that ice I said I would try to try to respond to your comments or questions online so if I would just come up to here because I haven’t been able to do that in the past hello everyone a lot of you have joined the what British rider is my mother in this lie was not good mother did not show love is narcissisticand the now we are a strange area I’ve just spoken about Susie’s it’s a it’s in the mother that did that has been difficult to you the old half of physical suffering to bring you up to give birth to youand the amount of those time this should better than a half suffering was mainly many snowballed on top of not being whatever good mother we asked you but nevertheless she would have tried our best so do not to try to see her as someone who was meanand wasn’t really nice at all you may have seen that way because body you are selfish to not to remember how sector flies what she made this you tried to think of the what signifies she has made what you as a daughterand if you have become a mother yourself you will know how different you have been maybe you have been a remarkable motherand you you just resisted resenting that your mother wasn’t quite as good as you but how could you be such a good mother you have known to become good mother because her experience of not having had a good mother but that’s your your way of explaining to her to yourself but in theand through my your mother’s suffering of not being a good mother has actually given you the birth to be a strong woman to give good sort of love shows childhood to your childrenand theand us while you might still have something to consult with a but to you should not all do anymore speaking to her but all were said to speak to her quickly really take couple moments in your daily meditationand the visualizer mother look at a photoand say mom look I I have been presenting in exchange you from all these years this is not good for me all will all I’m I’m happy to comeand talk to youand try to make a really good contribution without further delay to to talk to herand phone all right a very nice messageand try to make peace with half because when you are able to do that then then the suffering that we have the suffering that we have to do with mother is because not because she has been scores of suffering to you but because so suffering of youand your mother is has turned you to meet with Obamaand look at the teachingsand try to turn to compassion so your suffering has become cause of your compassion so your mother sending beingsand overage your mother is the primary person is a great catalyst for you to become where you are now maybe have become much more kinderand compassionate not to be as aggressive all not got kind of notes generous as much as someone may have been but the but nevertheless it has it has taught you how to meet with the Dharmaand no longer waste anymore time we all empathize each other’s difficult. Welcome to be like a three podcast this episode is sponsored by the Clinton weekand Elder scrolls legends little after I sent my sponsor big Kelly area that does sound like I just a reminder which now number there we are also to get the pockets of their we are on spot if I went sound cloud keep that shit introducing our guest listen he’s my he’s frankly my favorite guest on this podcastand just their time on to joint privilege possible LOL thanks for coaxing thanks for having me again probably had in like you have your eye on the silencing elevate you not soirée your fall dealer that later I am the entourage’s been traveling the worldand its drinking Simon J it’s on the show that just shows adjusted to part two I like to consider the journey so the travels for the Bishop yeah this is the shows just happen you happen to be in Italy you like to do is I’m last I like that that the lab in the average out of the lot shit doneand it’s tiring I always think that touring looks so exhaustingand I look like shit now you a you on about I love that you just did the great thing is the use embrace your thinking that your who you are like you just fucking you just a guy that Gladys ago beautiful blue eyes I can send you are guide we cannot imagine that I’m really just a guy your eyes look like hamburger thank you so much love you more than just the icing guy with a couple hamburgers in his eyes can live but it is better since then you’ve just a little recap here but rockstar number one Billboard is still number one fuck me like two months Buffalo my mom’s been texting me every time explaining other play may hereand when you hear you monster met with my month to my mom got I could tell you a Muslim pit out of me I was super every time I go to friends as they like him on that when a guy that is mildly okay about the again nice to see a man momand a cigarette since last summer love our tradition just like trying to stop now I am I just not a smoker but I like to get where mild young women from you I like additionally their method or you big ideas for what it is a friendand because of its first live is is about the protocol on the lake got the Canon has to be that the negative booklets the first third have Marvin alliteration arriving not really come out to those candidates is a method think on that side of life in this pack will ship is billed as a backand had a like a camelbackand have a really a whole backlog at the top I talk about it yet so talking had to know when we first got on the street when this prop company building then we went out to Hollywood to fill in the moment put it on I swear got the 80 poundsand the moment put on all my fucking God how I can make it to this day I saw Dan come at the escalator to meet usand he was like holding it was this guy exaggerating how everything is I put it on other economic it to the state after five minutes the strap broke off our dates away is pretty dramaticand I went to go to like it was the height of the name LA while I was laying on the lawn that cheated you youand they know then yes that’s my by the way you should treat yourself yet I get I’m waiting I’m hoping honestly actually for us to go to Vegas I want to go aware that now that gets you really show me up the yeah I think I think Vegas is like my escape from the norm because I get to her fun stuff yeah I did have a time when I got I’m gonna buy a matching fit in with you I said if we rather have a kid red carpet event logo wearing matching Gucci checks it’s the super care he has a valid has a calendar the calendar that is forgiving as I’d say that story about I when I went like 95 grand you start with I think I have no case I was in Vegas like a nice anecdote I love now this is a niceand I’ve really added to this is great out from Vegas is a rare yeah yeah no it’s not nice Abby but it’s a great story of a nice story but it’s not nice items on because it is says shows a grandson of me I can do this I go in for the night using a like 15 grand ready go cash ready to playand so. Jesse Holmes of North Carolina pushing for years for anti gay restrictions in federal education law because the homosexuals are out to recruit in the schools in 1995 Congressman Pete Hoekstra’s committee convening hearings on parents schoolsand values hearings that impart investigated gas homosexual recruitment in the schools the proponents of proposition eight in California the proposition to rollback gay rights in that state making their case just last year as I fall down the slippery slope to make this argument Anita Bryant Jesse Helms random anti gay orator guy you make this argument they oppose gay people civil rights because the people are out to get them on facts like making the case were to save the children from the homosexuals who prey on them logical step to get the kids are going to protect the kids keep gays away from the kids keep gays from being declared normal protect people’s rights to fire people for being if they don’t work with them protect people’s right to pick something out of the housing for being if you don’t live near the children counteract the recruitment show homosexuality is wrong make homosexuality illegal sexuality have severe punishments severe punishment may be gay mind that is a logical fallacy the slippery slope if it really happens the arguments made by anti gay activists ultimately redound to serious legal proposals to kill people for being gay in October 2008 Uganda held its national prayer breakfast the national prayer breakfast is an event started by the family mostly known as the street here in the US powerful secretive religious organization in the US with ties to many members of Congress or the founders of Uganda’s national prayer breakfast a member of the familyand the idea of an event associated with that breakfast that you should have a gays law that homosexuality should be punishable by life in prison for the case of aggravated homosexuality should be punishable by death a few months later in March of last year’s the guy from the family who drafted the bill hosted a delegation of anti gay activists from the United States preachings of people are children right recruit in the schools also said nobody is stopped being a if they don’t want to be a learned behavior can be cured a few weeks after their visit to kill the case bill was introduced in while the anti gay populist pressand the country started campaigning this publication published a list of allegedly gay Ugandans along with in many cases their addressesand their photos is a small yellow banner underneath the word underneathand Uganda’s says because American connections to this the fact that the authors a member of the family which is tied a lot of American politicians thirsty streetand elsewhere because the result of publicity or criticism for the kill the case bill from our president’s secretary of state law to the politicians associated with the street is fairly widely believed because of the coverage of the Kelly gays thing is over it’s not its author expected to be voted on in a matter of weeks at its author is here in the United States promoting Anita Bryant’s old line that is only doing this to save the children the author of Uganda’s killed gays bill joins me at the bottom of the slippery slope next recently know basically anything about C St See Other related products: Sewing Tools That's What I Do I Sew And I Know Things Vintage Poster

They’v always been there

Summary- Being trapped had seemed like the end for the DA, but as time passes, They find that Their end might not be here quite yet.

Part 1

Part 2

At first, there was only confusion. Honestly they didn’t know how long they floated around in this haze, not knowing which way was up, or anything passed the pain of being ripped from their body, from the betrayal of their best friend Damien, and his sister Celine, and that sorry excuse of an entity that resided inside the house had done to them.

Then there was… emptiness. They couldn’t remember anything about themselves or about the outside world. No the only thing they could remember was what they knew from that night. They pieced a few things together from the scattered conversations they had had with the other party goers then, but nothing about them resurfaced, only that they had been the newest DA for the dear old Mayor Damien. They must look good based on the comments that Abe and William had made, but were they male or female? Tall or short? Skinny or wide?  Knowing the eccentric comments of the two from that night it really impossible to tell. Their identity had been stripped away from them along with their body.

It wasn’t long after that that they realized the outside of the mirror flickered from the darkness it had grown to be. No instead it… it was like they were back in the manor, only not in it, no they could see and hear everything, the building was like an extension of their own being, unconsciously there and present at all times, the grounds too. It was confusing until the pair entered, the pair that they barely recognized.

Dark and Wilford Warfstache.

Seeing what was left of the Colonel and their own body, of Damien and Celine, boiled their nonexistent blood, and seeing their behavior, how… cruel and distant they had become broke their heart.

That rage and pain made Them discover something else about Their new connection with Their prison. Glaring at the gun Wilford waved around like a damn flag, the weapon suddenly jumped out of his reach. The beings They once knew stared at the gun in shock as They realized that They had MOVED the gun, simply with a thought.

As Wilford reached for the gun, but with a grin, They made it scout across the floor away from him. He chased the gun around the room, shouting and laughing at the sheer ridiculousness of it all, but They just kept it away from him, feeling something other than pain and anger swell inside of Them for the first time since They had been confined within the reflective void that They thought was Their whole world.

They lead Wilford out of the room, only to still gaze at Dark, who gazed after Wilford with a spark in his eye.

“It’s good to know you’re still around, Old Friend,” His rumbling voice called as he peered around the room as if hoping to spot Them lurking somewhere. The only response he got was the flower vase next to him tipping, splashing filthy water all over his suit. The DA would have smirked at his displeased growl if They could.

Perhaps being here wouldn’t be so bad after all.

They would routinely make the duo’s things move around, disappear from their rooms to different ones, flashing them and their beds to the middle of the pool enjoying watching them as they slowly woke up and floundered before ultimately falling into the lapping water.

Wilford took it all in stride, while Dark would growl and make threatening remarks at the walls for a while before ultimately falling silent and merely mumbling as it happened.

One day however things started to change. One day there was a new man there, the same face as the pair They had been toying with. They called him Mark, not the Mark They had met in the Manor, no this was a different Markiplier, younger, less confident than the man They met, they called him their Creator as if he was their father or something.

They soon learned, he… was. Their existences now were based on characters this Mark had made. Egos he called them, nervous as he looks at them, unable to know what to do with the two psychos that were now linked to him.  

They found another power that day. Watching the young man run away from them, from the flippant way Wilford waved his knife, from the thinly veiled threats from Dark, and They moved him, well not him, the hall he was running through. One minute it was connected to the room he had just left, the next he was entering the kitchen on the wrong floor and wrong side of the house from before.

He was too worked up to notice at first, but he did take notice when the glass of water appeared next to him after he finished dry heaving into the sink.

“Great, this place is freaking Beauty and the Beast, the candlestick going to start singing now?”

They had to laugh, They could see why there was so much energy around this man, he was quick and witty even in the craziest situations.

They picked up the pepper shaker and moved it left and right, trying to show as much as They were able that no They weren’t going to start singing.

His eyebrows raised, “How many of there are you?”

The pepper shaker jumped once.

“Just one of you?”

They made the pepper shaker move forward and back as he sipped his water.

“Is that a yes?”

From there the pair of them made what little talk They could, as the man calmed down the more. After that They became Mark’s unofficial protector, keeping him saner then he would be without Them moving the twin terrors around and keeping them out of the Youtuber’s hair.

Then came the day when Mark showed up with another man that shared his face, albeit smeared in peanut butter. As he entered They felt the grounds expand, large oak trees, at least a century old each, appearing where the golf course once lay. Another ego...This one was only used in a short video, only long enough for Mark to Thank his fan count for hitting 80k, and yet here stop a man formed from that video.

After King came another, a sadistic man that could control the world with his writing a cabin in the woods appearing as his domain. This one wasn’t even from Mark’s channel, instead coming from a character he played in a friends video. Mark hadn’t even appeared, simply lending his voice.  Next came the doctor, a whole wing jetting out from the main structure to act as his clinic, all sterile and white. Then was the android with a killing fetish, his silver-plated wing forming under the Doctors. Then there was a game show host with a big smile and an even bigger secret, a large studio forming at the top of the Manor, plenty of space for him and Wilford to use. Then the Author lost his eyes, his cabin stayed abandoned, but a new floor appeared, filled to the brim with books, in normal print and braille and even recording equipment to make Mark drool in envy. The schoolboy in a skirt and a sword came next, this one didn’t even have a video, only a game, and an animation to bring him to life. The Office, as it was now called, still expanded, making a chapel and a room filled to the brim with tools of humiliation, capture, and torture. Even then Mark didn’t seem to slow down, as more robots showed up, and a four-person news team and a mask come to life and a snooty conspiracy theorist.  

Not to mention the other faces that slowly started appearing, some human as Mark let friends into the world he had no choice in, some Egos, or Tulpas as they discovered, with different bases from other channels.  

They could handle the change though, growing used to it over the years. It gave Them a sense of pride almost to house so many different and insane minds at once, working towards keeping them all as sane as they were when they arrived.

But of course who was too deny Them a little fun while They’re at it?

you must consider that if I don’t get what I want

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Chapter 1, Tale 1: “The Present"

“What are you doing!? Get your hands off of me, you jerk!” Leafy screamed.

“Leafy, leafy!”, Firey defends himself. “Leafy, I’m sorry for what I did. I realized what I wanted most wasn’t Dream Island, It’s you. Your friendship. I just want you to know that I’m tired of all this turmoil that’s going on, all these conflicts and stuff. And I’d rather spend my time with you, whether It’s on Dream Island or not.”

“Really, you mean it?” Leafy whispered, as they hang glided away.

“Hurry up! We have to get back to the execution!” Golf Ball shouted, from the ground.

But it was too late. The lovebirds were already flying off into the sunshine, to a better life, a better tomorrow.

“THE END”

“Battle For Dream Island.”

“Written by-”

________________________________

The TV is shut off. “What a load a’ bullshit.“ Larson mused. “That was corny as hell.”

“Larson!” Mariette shrieked. “We have children in the room!”

“Ah, don’t worry ‘bout that, Ma’. Lil’ Liam’s been out for 10 minutes already.”

It was true. Liam had fallen asleep in his mother’s lap. It seems that he’s been asleep for a while.

“Cute lil’ fella. Here, let me-” Larson gently lifted up his youngest brother, whispering. “I’ll take ‘im to the bedroom.”

Mariette thanked Larson, and Larson left the room, with Liam in his arms. Seeing this, Susan spoke up. “Wow. Uh… so, any thoughts on that episode?”

John turned to his sister, “I thought it was kinda good. I mean, for a season finale. Wrapped up stuff nicely. Good enough for me.”

“Wait, really?! I thought it was disappointing as heck! Like, seriously! Even for a cartoon that was absurd! Where did all that come from!? The love arc at the end was jarring and out of place!” Susan complained.

“Well, dear, like you said, It’s a cartoon. Don’t think too much about it, dear.” Mariette replied, yawning. “I’m getting kinda tired, though. You kids wanna keep watching TV, go ahead, but remember to clock in early for tomorrow.”

“What? No, mom! It’s not just a cartoon- We’ve been following this show for like, 2 years now, and It-”

“It’s getting a new season in a few months”, John interrupted. “Don’t worry too much ‘bout it. They’ll probably tie up a few loose ends.”

“Yeah, but- Urgh! I can’t wait that long! I need my fix now!”

“Well, what about Inanimate Insanity? That’s still going.”

“But It’s on hiatus!” Susan groaned.

“Well, you’ll have to find another show on your own. There’s literally hundreds. I’m goin’ to bed.” John remarked, before standing up, carrying his empty drink cans, and heading to his room.

“Ugh, fine. Bye, bro.”

“…Also, you should probably go to sleep soon. It’s getting late-”

“Yeah, no.”

Susan flipped through the other channels, searching for something else to watch.

John walked up the stairs, tossed the cans into the trash, and retreated into his bedroom.

John’s bedroom was a mess. But It wasn’t an ugly mess. It was the kind of mess that felt comfy, and warm, and familiar. There was a mattress at one corner of the room, covered in magazines, books, and other reading materials.

Next to the bed was a desk, textbooks, notebooks, pens and pencils strewn everywhere upon it. Upon the desk was also a laptop. This was John’s most prized possession, and it was old.

John booted up the computer, checking to see if anything interesting has been happening recently.

John was pleasantly surprised to see that his posts have gotten some attention. Making a mental note to check out the comments later, he created a new post, trying to, admittedly, capitalize on BFDI’s recent finale.

Since he didn’t really had anything else interesting to say on the matter, John turned his attention over to what his relatively small social circle had to say on recent events. Maybe there’s some drama or something weird happening.

And away, we go…

Click.

Huh.

John had to admit that he was friends with some really peculiar people. Welp, Anna was… being her usual self. Tony was, in John’s opinion, still trying to influence things outside of his control (John found this trait of Tony’s admirable, but mistaken in this situation). Bryan was still raising questions about his sanity (and apparently, his abilities to spell the word “evasion"). The next post was-

Wait.

What the fuck?

That account uploaded a post.

That account never uploads.

Hold on.

As expected, everyone’s going wild in the comments, but that’s not what matters right now. Something is going on. John had to find out what.

John immediately opted out of his social media tab, and opened up another tab, typing in the address of a less-popular, less-friendly website.

Enter.

The web-page loaded. John stretched back, and scrolled down-

The door to John’s room slammed open.

John slammed his laptop down like hell.

“AAAH!”

Liam was standing in the door way. Larson stood behind him, looking extremely sleep-deprived, yet, amused.

Liam inquired, with large eyes, staring up at him. “John? Are you okey?”

Larson glanced at John, who realized that the sight of him holding down his laptop, staring wide-eyed at the door might not have given off the best impression.

Larson chuckled, “Welp! Uh, Liam. I think we walked in at a bad time-”

John shot him a look.

“No! It’s- Sorry, uh, Liam! Bro! What’re you doing here?”

“…I want give you pwesent.” Liam whispered.

“What?” John asked, flatly.

“Present. Liam wants to give you your Birthday present.” Larson motioned at his mouth “Gotta work on that “Arr" sound. Look, we know that you don’t wanna celebrate your B-Day, and haven’t done so for the last few years, but, what the hey! It’s not every day our boy turns 18!  I mean, our man turns 18. Wait-”

“Ah! Thanks, Liam! But uh, you didn’t have to!” John said, beaming at Liam.

Liam just looked down.

“Uh- No. Kid! Liam! He means that in a good way. Now, give him the drawing, Liam.” Larson said, reassuringly.

Liam beamed up at John again, shoving a slightly wrinkled drawing in his face.

“It’s a pic of our- our family, and- that’s, um, you. And, um, mom and sis, and me and larson! Um, and that’s our ages, but yours is, um, eighteen! With an explooooosion! Because you turn eighteen! Today!” Liam babbled, pointing at the multi-colored representations on the paper.

“Not sure why I’m wearing a suit.” Larson whispered, grinning.

Frankly, it was one of the finest works of art that John had ever seen, despite the fact that Liam drew his arms on his head.

“Wow! It’s awesome, champ! I-”

John was interrupted by Liam giving a huge hug.

“I love you bro.”

John put his hand on Liam’s back. “…Love you too, Liam.”

Larson was just kinda hanging at the door, absorbing the general awkwardness of the situation. “So! Liam! You wanna hit the hay yet? Because I’m about to give out any second now. So! Hop to it, lil’ buddy.”

Larson clapped his hands together. “Chop chop.”

Liam walked to Larson, and they left together.

John was about to reopen the laptop when Larson popped in again. “Hey, uh, kid-”

“Dude, you gotta stop calling people that. I’m 2 years younger than you now-”

“-Sorry, force of habit. John. Uh, I wanna have a word.”

“Yeah, can you make it quick? I’m kinda tired.”

“Don’t worry, I will. I’m pretty close to collapse myself. So, uh…” Larson clasped his hands together. “Enjoy your life, make the most of it, don’t panic,  be careful, don’t hold grudges, be a good man, save up money as soon as possible, word smart not hard, something something eggs in baskets, and uh, don’t take shit from anyone. Oh! and invest in some stuff smartly, watch the stock market closely- And BUY. BITCOINS. Yeah, okay. I think that’s it.” Larson said, extremely quickly.

John blinked.

“…Sorry, what?”

“Life advice, John. That’s life advice. Good night.” Larson yawned, “You can proceed with whatever…” Larson waved his hands “…weird stuff you were doing before. Not gonna judge you, kid.”

“Lars!”

“Right! Not gonna judge you, John. Look, I’m super-”

“What was that?! The life-advice thing!”

“Well, Ah’ don’t really see a point in making that some kinda big deal, so I gave you all I got at once. Don’t expect anymore advice for a while, John. G'night.” Larson was closing the door now.

“…Uh, okay, yeah. Good night, Lars.”

Clank.

Finally. Silence. Privacy. Now-

Bam!

“Lars! For crying out loud-”

“Shit. Sorry ‘bout the door- Happy 18th Birthday, John!”

“Yeah, thanks, bro. Just-”

But Larson had already closed the door.

John waited.

Sensing no one, he opens the laptop again.