#that motherfucker still has his schemes and im here for it
Text
and that’s a wrap guys!! I’m not okay!! But at the same time I’ve never been better!!
#alastor swearing is my religion#im Brazilian I use cuss words as ponctuation#also I love that he clearly cares for Charlie and the hotel but they didn’t make him a Good Guy TM#that motherfucker still has his schemes and im here for it#ALASTOR DANCING#ALASTOR SAYING I KNOW SOMETNING YOU DONT#“you look and absolute mess Charlie#HE JUST GOING LITERALLY INSANE VANESSA LOPES LEVEL OF INSANE IN THW RADIO TOWER#I WANT HIM TO BROACAST VOX’s DEATH WHILE I SING ALONF#HIS FIGHT SCENES WERE SOOO GOOD#EVERYTHING WAS PERFECT#alastor#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel spoilers#the radio de on#O ALASTOR TA VINDO AÍ E O BICHO VAI PEGAR VOX É O CARALHOOOOOO NUNCA BOTOU O ADAM PRA AMAR
624 notes
·
View notes
Text
From Sea to Shore: A Josephine Montilyet lore/meta project
Start reading here!
Hi, hello. I suppose introductions are in order.
My name is Meera and I am a fan (derogatory) of Dragon Age. Have been since 2014, the moment my ears heard the Dragon Age Inquisition theme. (I’m a sucker for soundtracks, I can count on my hand the number of interests I’ve dived into solely because of the soundtrack.)
The reason I’m so fascinated with Dragon Age, as with many people on this site and beyond are, is because of the rich and complex lore that is contained within the world of Thedas. Whether it be within the games themselves, or the massive catalogue of supplemental media – books, comics, short stories published online, the massive hardcover bible of The World of Thedas, etc.
I think you can see where I’m going with this.
Dragon Age is known for… well. Not putting shit into their game. Which is arguably, the most important part of Dragon Age. Yknow. The games? Couple this with the fact that the writers are known to retcon things left right and centre… leaving fans with a, if you don’t mind my language, piss poor understanding of anything beyond surface level.
Now I’m not going to argue semantics about topics that I am clearly not qualified to talk about. I’m still learning things. So while I do read some absolutely delightful discussions on the Mage-Templar war, Tranquility, the Dalish, the Qun… I’m not qualified enough to write proper discussions on these serious and interesting topics.
Instead, I’m armed with having read too many books and watched too many shows. So, what I can do is to look at characters within Dragon Age that I have an unhealthy obsession with, and try to make sense of their stories.
And guess who I’ve decided to start talking about first?
[source]
I’m gonna start off by mentioning that I haven’t done anything like this before. My only credentials are having been unhealthily obsessed with this game franchise for coming onto 9 years now, and owning The World of Thedas 2. Which I haven’t read in its entirety. (Bioware please… put your motherfucking lore in your games, im beggin…) But I have been researching a lot of things recently while planning a frankly quite complicated Dragon Age fic, and after reading a lot of very well written meta on tumblr, and also realizing I enjoy writing my own, I thought I’d take a stab at it myself.
One of the main things I’ve been researching is Josephine and her backstory. On a surface level, it is easy to love her. She’s kind and sweet and absolutely adorable. Her romance fuels my entire existence. She is my Wife and I love her character to the ends of the earth.
But as with a lot of the characters newly introduced in Inquisition, she suffers from a scattered plot, a very superficial stance in the political scheme of things (despite being the political ambassador of Inquisition??? hello???), and is often reduced to several one-dimensional tropes that grate on my nerves.
I’m not discrediting people who enjoy her character as it is. Hell, I spent years loving her story as it is. But I am doing this as an aspiring writer and lover of stories, and a lover of complex, nuanced characters. I see Josephine as a character, much like many others in Dragon Age, who has so much potential to be more. I also see her story in the base game as being quite solid in itself, but is presented in a very scattered, messy way, that you as a player character, might not understand the full impact of.
This series is going to be equal parts laying down the lore of Josephine and the Montilyet family, in a way that people can easily understand and build their own meta and headcanons off, and also for me to speculate and build on my own meta that I’ve been working on. I’m not sure how many parts it’s going to be, we’ll take things as they come.
If you’ve made it this far, kudos for listening to this dude ramble for a thousand words. The real shit comes in a bit. Hope you enjoy.
(Josie in this picture is so me coded when I’m ranting in my Word document so I had to leave this here.)
#josephine montilyet#dragon age inquisition#dragon age#da meta#dragon age meta#da lore and meta#im kinda nervous about posting this but hey!!! i dont give a fuck anymore!!!!#i wanna yell abt my wife okbye
27 notes
·
View notes
Text
For some reason i got evil Pohatu on my mind. Not the same one as the au i wrote once of him getting shadow leech'd, this a pre-canister Pohatu being welcomed in the brotherhood of makuta and possibly getting mildly brainwashed by Teridax via being given purpose and praise and goals and so on for roughly 100 thousand years
Pre-canister Pohatu is lonely and alone and sort of bitter and if hes already got his terrible sense of self-worth it might be even worse. I think if he found out earlier that they were going to desert the av-matoran (who so far have been his only purpose and perhaps the source of most of his sense of belonging and not being useless) to go in the codrex he might have flipped off tahu and kopaka and tried to use his mask to evacuate karda nui in time completely abandoning the rest of the mata. I can see him figuring those two are hiding something, cornering one of them (probably Kopaka) to have the whole thing explained to him, getting really mad, assuming the others are also in the know and this was kept specifically from him, and telling them to fuck off with their coward pods if they so wanted because he was going to save the matoran, you know, the thing he was built for. Cue him doing his best and probably failing at least in part, thus stumbling depressedly into the makuta afterwards and being taken in bc holy shit one of the toa mata??? Youre like one of the most important beings to the safety of the entire universe we need to make sure you dont die out there on your own considering your obvious tendency towards recklessness
Teridax isnt evil yet but it is still in his nature to scheme and make plans so hes like, im gonna make sure the toa likes me the best out of everybody here just in case something goes awry. You never know. And so Pohatu gets positive reinforcement and praise and generally being considered good and useful and in no time hes latched onto Teridax's side like a baby holding his moms hand hard enough to break her bones bc hes afraid of losing her while at the supermarket. He needs that positive attention like hes going to die, especially since he has no duty currently so hes feeling even more useless than ever. Teridax at first accidentally (purposefully when he starts thinking of The Plan) completely rewires his whole brain into being dependent from him so when he overthrows Miserix Pohatu just follows along seeing absolutely nothing wrong with his scheme.
Nobody outside of the brotherhood knows Pohatu is there bc on one hand, mask of speed makes him hard to track down/catch/see in general, and also Teridax is very adamant in keeping him stashed away for a rainy day because he is essentially one of the most secret weapons he has. Like, thats a whole ass toa mata at his disposal. Not just that, hes completely loyal to him AND has been marinating a grudge against his siblings for like 100 thousand years. AND - most importantly - hes inconspicuous. In the past thousands of years hes spent dragging the toa of stone around Teridax found out that beyond the power and the bitterness he is also naturally just soooo friendly. So personable. You can trust this motherfucker with any secret ever. He has told him so many tiny secrets that he KNOWS Pohatu has never spoken about or even written down that he could give him a whole powerpoint presentation of The Plan and have absolutely no fear whatsoever of anybody ever hearing from it. Hes the perfect double agent because when hes nice, 99% of the time he genuinely means it, and he is so earnest and convinced that hes doing the right thing that even Axonn wouldnt fucking figure him out. MAYBE the order of mata nui is aware of the fact that hes with the makuta at first, before the problem with the barraki, but they could lose track of him.
As soon as the other mata wash ashore on the island of mata nui Teridax sends in Pohatu to further his plan and thats when he realizes oh, im the only motherfucker who knows Anything. I need to play dumb. So he pretends to also have amnesia and plays out some kind of mildly stupid but affable toa of stone routine with all his siblings whom he has a very distorted hateful image of due to last seeing them One Hundred Thousand Years Prior and spending at least 80 of those soaked in Teridax's propaganda, and hes doing his absolute best not to sabotage them completely every chance he gets because Teridax needs them for the plan. He has a grudge against the Turaga as well for obvious reasons (you put my incredibly unhealthy parental figure boss in a rock and stole his matoran and reign you fucking whores) but not against the Matoran bc they couldn't really do much about it all after all. He and Akhmou have a genuinely sweet relationship based on "youre the only motherfucker who gets me and has also been massively manipulated by makuta" and he probably is also incredibly fond of Takua, which becomes a problem when he turns out to be the toa of light bc That's Bad For The Plan but also My Little Brother ;;
I don't know if hed manage to still reconnect with the mata properly as he gets to know them better (thus trying to sway them in Teridax's favor bc he loves them and he loves him and he doesnt want to lose either) or if hed be too fixated on his past bitterness to see through it, but also I don't think he'd kill. Hes still a toa and while he might be more desensitized to doing crueler things like encasing the piraka completely in rock to make them into statues, kinda like kopaka does when freezing someone, i still dont think hed be able to go for more outright deadly methods. Anyways yeah, take all this
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
WIP Wednesday Part 2!
Another writing sprint piece! The
Prompts were: Sharing clothes / exhausted / bad coping mechanisms / "Did you enjoy yourself last night?"
Sexual references/innuendos in this one! Just as a warning
Also directly references the Hesh/Kick pairing!
Click. Snap. Click. Snap.
It's a metallic sound. One that draws him to the kitchen, creeping cautiously to the open doorway. He stops to listen for a few moments, trying to identify the sound, but ultimately he finds himself peering into the room to find out.
Mouse was sat there, and the clicking sound turned out to be a lighter that she continuously opened and snap shut again. Rhythmically. Almost idly. Her hand halted briefly, and she glanced over to him passively. Somehow the almost vacant look in her eyes was worse than that constant scheming glint he's so used to her having.
Actually, she looks... Well, not how she usually does. That sly, annoyingly smug and confident aura that usually clouded around her like a veil of fog was completely gone, leaving a tired, defeated girl in its absence; eyes once bright and sharp now dull and weary.
She looks exhausted.
It was off-putting. Why the fuck is every side of her off-putting?
"Starin' awfully hard there," she snaps him out his train of thought quite quickly, causing him to clear his throat and step further into the kitchen, hunting down a glass. "Thought it was cats that got peoples' tongues, not mice." The words were definitely Mouse, but the lack of a teasing lilt made it fall short. A barely functioning guise to save face, maybe? It's hard to tell. It feels like he's caught her in a bad moment, but she makes no move to leave.
"Just... Didn't expect to see you in here is all."
"Mm..." Click. Snap. Click. Snap. The opening and closing of the lighter functioned almost like a clock. Steady and constant. It would be calming, almost, if the situation didn't feel so wrong. "Didn't expect to be in here either. Funny, that."
Click. Snap. Click. Snap.
"You okay...? You look... Rough."
"Could say the same to you." Is the immediate reply, and she still doesn't bother turning to look at him as she speaks. "Did you enjoy yourself last night?"
He stops short.
"What?"
"That jumper is Kick's."
He looks down to his sweater, and immediately realises that, yeah, it is Kick's. But how the fuck...?
"Saw 'im wearin' it recently."
Ah.
Sheepish, he turns off the tap and takes his glass to sit opposite to Mouse, finally seeing her face again. The expectant look she gives almost makes him stutter.
"He must just have something similar to this one." He dismisses, taking a sip of his water to try and at least appear composed.
"Mhh," she raises her eyebrows a little, and then rests her cheek on her propped up hand. Click. Snap. Click. Snap. She follows the movement of the lid closely, fixated on it. "Guess that's pretty likely, actually. Damn near identical, though."
Click.
...
She flicks the flame on, and Hesh watches it dance in her eyes, her stare nothing if not disturbingly hollow. The sheer, fixated focus she has on it is a little unnerving, and he can almost feel the way he disappears out of her awareness.
There's not much he can glean from any of this. Aside from the obvious, there's no indication as to why she's being so... not-Mouse. Maybe this is just how she gets when she's tired...? But it doesn't feel that simple, it feels like there's more going on that he can't figure out. She didn't even answer his question earlier-
Snap.
He's taken back out of his thoughts by her snapping the lid shut again, snuffing the fire. Their eyes don't meet, as she continues staring at the lighter.
"It's the limp that gives you away more than the jumper, though."
Hesh nearly spits out his water.
Motherfucker-
As he tries not to choke - coughing and spluttering into his elbow - Mouse gives a small smirk, not as strong as usual, but very much there. The worst part is, he can't tell if she's being truthful about his walk. It's entirely possible she said it just to fuck with him, and it's working, much to his chagrin.
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
i wanna talk about my pokemon brilliant diamond team cuz its a little silly. (LONG ASS POST)
so im on the 8th gym, havent beat it, and my team is:
eggman. sweet poor eggman. currently a level 54 togetic. with the move set of baton pass, nasty plot, attract, and metronome. his strat is to make the girls fall in love with him, do an evil scheme, and then fuck around and find out. all else fails, run away.
kirby. level 47 jirachi. cuz i guess you get a jirachi in this game if you played sword or shield. i love them. with zen headbutt, life dew, dazzling gleam, and helping hand, i basically built them to work together with my star of the show pokemon in doubles, because i LOVE doubles. not online cuz im shy.
garchomp. level 69. got it from wondertrade and its just kinda here now. shadow claw, dragon claw, dig, and brick break, it does not set up and only attacks. i basically have no emotional attachment to her im sorry
soap. motherfucking soap. level 90 luxray. during the start of my save file, none of my pokemon would listen to me cuz i had the just great idea of using almost only trade pokemon. got angry and decided "FUCK YOU IM GOING TO CHEAT" and caught a level 5 shinx, put it into violet, and fed it exp candies until it was level.. i think 68? ive only given it more rare candy since then. its only ever leveled up ONCE in battle. right now its my last resort pokemon in the back of my party cuz i do like my game to be a little hard (as proven by eggman) he knows thunder, wild charge, volt switch, and strength. aka "might not work but worth it" "hurt yourself in the process" "attack then FUCK OFF" and "normal type move cuz ground types exist"
lucario. level 60 lucario. its from japan (or a game with the language set in japan, i guess?) and my best buddy. we're friends. i love him. i think hes from violet but he's here for some reason and awesome. he knows aura sphere, rock tomb, swords dance, and meteor mash. hes the guy kirby is with in doubles and the guy eggman runs away to. he's the star of the show. uh.. besides level 90 soap. also hes a master in cuteness contests so he's VERY talented.
dusky. level 48 dialga. just got here. still has base move set. but theyre here for one reason: my stupid ass luck. dusky got their name from the pokeball they were caught from. yup, a DUSK BALL. i dont have the exact stats but, i think.. dialga, a legendary, in a dusk ball, during the day? id say about a 5% chance. AND IT WORKED. i lost my shit when it happened. i think to myself, "this is why you've only gotten one shiny outside of community day fennekin and wonder traded hacked ones. because all your luck goes to bullshit like this." (and the fucking FIRST pokemon i battled on the port to coliseum being a SHINY KAKUNA. why.) might get off the team at some point.
honorable mentions who i booted from the team or something like that:
monferno i caught in legends arceus. left behind but was useful for gardenia and stuff.
razor the roserade. he's a champion from galar. just here cuz i wanted him to be.
bunbun the lopunny. shes also a champion from galar. i just didnt want them to be lonely cuz i never play that game.
R.K. (aka roaring knight) i never used him ever but he's a gallade and i just think hes cool and worth a shout out.
felon the empleon. my starter. i left him in the box because its the electric gym. might pick him back up for the elite four and replace dusky. unsure. move set of metal claw, surf, brine, and blizzard. cuz. yeah. no set up for him only damage.
machamp from china or a game with chinese, i guess. i got him from wondertrade as a machoke and i just think its neat.
ledian. poor ledian. i wanted it to work out. i wanted to pick faves over powerfulness like karen says. but no i cant. youre fucking pathetic ledian. im sorry. i love you.
ask questions if youre brave enough...
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
RATING! ALL! THE CHAR CLONES!
i love char and gundam loves him too so because i am BORED i'm gonna rate all characters that the wiki tells me qualifies as a char clone!
many of these men will be rated on aesthetics and their wiki blurb alone since i have not watched all gundams
i tried to include pics but it SAID i can only use ten. WHAT? how am i supposed to rate how sexy they are?
Char Aznable
the man. the myth. the legend. i love him so much. hes super fucking hot bc of how bad he is. like an absolute madlad he goes around destroying the zabis and giving amuro hell. hes so good that despite being on team evil he regularly tops popularity polls and is widely regarded as being super attractive. im asexual but i agree. char is supreme. he and his red mobile suits cannot be topped. 20/10
Quattro Bajeena
now, char might be evil, but this guy is totally a stand up dude who is definitely not char. and the hyaku shiki? top tier. also very sexy. maybe char should take a lesson or two from this lovely man. 18/10 could not possibly be char himself
Glemy Toto
i have not watched ZZ. this dude upholds the tradition of stupid ass names in gundam. he just kinda look like hes a good person, though, which would be nice, but i prefer the evil men here. 6/10 love the idiotic name
Afranche Char
apparently a literal char clone. don't give a fuck. 1/10
Carozzo Ronah/Iron Mask
this guy really takes the mask thing seriously. i have also not watched F91. i love the just robot lookin mask and the purple color scheme. 8/10
Anavel Gato
this guy is kind of a chump. i get the feeling i'm supposed to find gato very cool, but all i could see was a total loser pushover as long as it was in the name of zeon. although to be fair, he was basically one of the most enjoyable characters in the mess that is stardust memory. 7/10 too much of a zeon apologist
Chronicle Asher
i called gato a chump but this guy looks like a tool. hes got the mask! i know nothing about victory gundam but this guy looks like, okay. 5/10
Schwarz Bruder
im ignoring the other guy listed with him on the wiki bc Herr Bruder is in fact, awesome. he isn't on team evil like some others, but he doesn't need to be. hes a JESTER NINJA. what's not to love? somehow, despite me thinking i knew the twist that was coming, he was still full of surprises. you cannot possibly predict the actual twist here. he really teaches domon how to get shit done. 15/10 absolutely sublime take on the trope
Zechs Marquise
not only is he voiced by takehito koyasu, but he chars so hard he chars three times as fast! we LOVE his dedication to being a char clone. i will never forget how treize challenged him to a fair fight and he was just like nah lmao. you go you stinky man! 10/10 for char-ing hard
Lancerow Dawell and Jamil Neate
i am fascinated by after war X and i'll watch it one day. it seems like the wiki is confused about these two and is going with very surface level details for these two being char clones. however i'll rate them both higher bc i think mr. neate's sideburns and glasses are just top tier character design. 9/10
Harry Ord
10/10
Rau le Creuset
i think i saw him in the like three episodes of SEED i watched. he definitely looks the part. seems kinda lame though. 6/10
Athrun Zala
this kid is hilarious, and also the most likable character i met in SEED, and he even has a quattro phase as he goes by alex dino! we'll give him points for effort. 9/10 you tried
Neo Roanoke
definitely not mu la flaga. hes also voiced by takehito koyasu. his mask looks kinda dumb, but i think the long hair look upgrades my man mu. takehito koyasu makes everything sexier. 8/10 bc i also simp for dio brando
Rey Za Burrel
how many char clones does the SEEDverse have? i do appreciate rey's early 2000s brooding anime boy look, though. 5/10
Gilbert Durandal
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY SEED CHARS!!! this guy doesn't even look like a char clone, but he has the same voice actor and also apparently tries to drop shit on earth. we stan a king, honestly. 6/10 being in SEED deducts points
Hal Vizardt and Vladi Zarth
the wiki wont even give me a picture of these guys. 2/10 they get a point each
Ali Al-Saachez
i hate this guy. he sucks. normally i would find such endless villainy entertaining, but ali simply cannot work it in a way that's fun to watch or even in a way where you're like 'he's got a point.' he just sucks and i wish he could have been funny. we already have a char clone in graham anyway, so why are you here? bitch. 0/10 i was waiting for him to die
Graham Aker
he has all the tropes of being a char clone, and i loved him at first bc of his flair for drama and poetry, but alas! he got more and more sidelined for a different motherfucker. it's okay graham, i still love you! your mr. bushido phase was hilarious! 9/10 you deserved so much more
Full Frontal
hes getting points for the hilarious name but thats it. he is otherwise very boring. you cannot make me love a man just bc he is a literal char clone. 3/10
Zeheart Galette
AGE is also on my "deeply fascinated" list. eventually, eventually. i kinda dig this one's look. 7/10
Tatsuya Yuuki
initially, i hated yuuki bc i thought he was beating on middle schoolers for fun, but then i learned the dude is so goddamn passionate about gundam that he HAS to share it with others and honestly? king shit. while he's technically a char clone, i think he's actually a graham aker clone. the dude stans 00. an admirable position to be in. i love yuuki so much and hes my favorite build fighters character. 15/10 i will always respect the meijin
Captain Mask
the name is hilarious. hes got a cool mask too. i'll maybe watch recon one day bc of how ridiculous the reputation is. 8/10
Lady Kawaguchi
the rare female one, and proves that the kawaguchi name requires you to be extra as fuck. compared to yuuki's raw passion, she's cool and knows it, and doesn't need to flex. sadly doesn't get to do a lot. 10/10
McGillis Fareed
MCGILLIS MY BELOVED!!!! perhaps the only char clone that matters. this dude brings back the classic level of backstabbing, the supreme attractiveness, and in general, being an awful person. but i can't help but feel for the guy. he was trying his goddamn hardest to overturn a fucked up system. he also simply could not fathom having friends. mcgillis might only do the mask thing for a little and also wears a wig (McWiggis) but i forgive him, because the moves he does in bael are truly sexy. i adore mcgillis i have to rate him high but he cannot overtake the classic. 19/10 would let him betray me
Kyoya Kujo
even the wiki doesn't seem confident in this one. i like his look though. hes kinda got some gentle eyes, so i will assume he's the more quattro flavor of things. 6/10
Masaki Shido
BRUHHHH HE LOOKS LIKE A KNIGHT. 10/10
Honorable Mentions:
Master Asia
i didn't think he truly qualified as a char clone. he hits the villain thing and technically has some ideals aligned with char ? but he's a little too different. lacks majority of the archetype tropes. i still love him though 9/10
Vidar
hes got a mask and wants revenge. definitely not gaelio. the problem is, we already have mcgillis in IBO. i just don't register gaelio as being a char clone, because mcgillis is out here being the worst. gaelio is a wonderful character in his own right for all the opposite reasons that mcgillis is fantastic for being the worst. 10/10 i want nothing but the best for him
Ulube Ishikawa
just bc he has a mask covering half his face and is evil doesn't mean he's a char clone, wiki! and how dare you take away from schwarz just to be like "well ulube has a mask" WE HAVE ONE ALREADY!!! i also hate ulube. he is not a particularly charismatic character, but he isn't supposed to be. 2/10
and thus is my arbitrary ranking of the char clones. some people think char clones are bad. i for one, love them! i hope future entries have more masked men.
21 notes
·
View notes
Text
“forever” paxton hall-yoshida x reader
genre: fluffy romance + mutual pining (not too slowburn tho lol)
word count: 3.4k
au: none?? jock x theatre nerd ig
pairing: Paxton x broadway baby!reader
requested: yes !! i hope u like it uwu
warnings: one hell one motherfucking and i think that’s it for swearing?? um brief self deprecating/talking bad abt urself from paxton (bby boy needs a self love boost), reader and paxton are home alone together for a little while but nothing bad happens, uh,,, i think that’s it
summary: when Eleanor can’t run lines with you, she sends over a very attractive, mutually pining substitute.
reccomended songs: “Seventeen” - Tuck everlasting OBC, “The Kiss” -The Princess Diaries score
a/n: i’m p sure i kept the reader p gender neutral but there’s implied slightly long hair, and you play the lead (a girl named winnie) in ur schools production of tuck everlasting but like it’s theatre so anyone can play anyone lol,, this took so got dam long bc i’m fucking s o f t for jock x artist and it just sorta happened lol aLsO,, not super thoroughly edited so there might be a typo or two?? im tired lol
requests r open <3
You had only ever seen two athletes present during rehearsals. Once when Madeline (who at the time was playing Penny in your production of Hairspray) was dating a guy from the soccer team. The other was when the star of the basketball team had come in to give your choreographer pointers for the basketball scenes during High School Musical.
Until now.
You had run onstage part of the way through “Live Like This”, which wasn’t out of the ordinary since so much progress had been made on the costumes. You were still tying the ribbon on your pinafore as you jumped into the song, but when your eyes met a face in the usually empty auditorium, you faltered. You almost sang the wrong verse, but recovered quickly, continuing with the blocking. What felt like a moment later, the number was almost done and you were nearing the end of your counterpoint with Mae Tuck - played by Eleanor, of course. Who could be better for the part? You held out the last note, trying to stay in character despite all the distractions in the back of your mind. You had to talk to Eleanor when the director called for 10; she’d started telling you how Devi was being weird recently. Also, what the Hadestown was Paxton Hall-Yoshida doing chilling in the auditorium? You shoved all that away, focusing on staying in character until the director called for a break.
‘I want to go to the fair. I want to go so badly! I just need a change, need to get out of this house for a little while. I never do anything, so this can’t be asking for too much, right?’
You projected all that into your everything - face, voice, mannerisms, energy.
“Hold!”
Everyone froze.
The director wrote a few things on his paper, sighed, and underlined something several times.
“Okay, good job! I need to revise some of the blocking, then we’ll do notes, so take ten.” Your sudden nerves had definitely made you pitchy, you knew that would be one of your notes for sure.
A chorus of “Thank you ten”s erupted, and you immediately ran to Eleanor, telling the others good job as you passed.
You leaned in and started speaking to her, quietly.
“Okay you need to finish telling me about Devi, and that other news you’re being so cryptic about! Also, what’s up with Fierro over there?” you nodded towards Paxton hoping he wouldn’t see, and you noticed Fab is sitting near him. You realized they’re probably waiting for Eleanor and/or Devi. That must be it, he’s been hanging out with them lately, right? Eleanor gasped.
“You’re right! Paxton is such a Fierro!”
You cringed inwardly a little bit as her voice carried through the auditorium, mixing with the others. Your eyes darted over to him for a fraction of a second. Oh god. He was looking at you. Or in your general direction at least. Lena, the costumer, walked around the set gingerly, following you around and getting you out of your dress incredibly carefully as you and Eleanor walked off stage.
“No! Well, yes- but no. What’s he doing here? Jocks never come here during rehearsals. I saw Fab too, are you guys and Devi getting dinner or something?” You said, entering the auditorium, and stepping out of the dress. You grabbed sweatpants and a silky, floral kimono jacket from your bag to throw over your leotard and tights. She waved back at Fab before sitting down in the front. You both grabbed your fans and dramatically flicked them open in sync. Your wrists fluttered, cooling both of you off. A knowing, and slightly mischievous, look came on her face.
“Devi and Fab and I are. Paxton must be here for something… else.” she shrugged, nodding towards Paxton. You looked over again. He was staring at you. You did a double take and tried to hold back your smile.
“Wh- I do not know to what you are referring.”
“To what I am referring is the blush on his cheeks.”
You barely held back a nervous, bubbling laugh.
“He is not blushing! Why would he be blushing!”
“I don’t know,” She shrugged, “Just like how I don’t know that he’s been loitering in the halls outside the music room during your last three solo music rehearsals.”
You struggled for an answer. Before you could form one, you were interrupted.
“Okay, okay what is the best Lin Manuel Miranda musical? Because Kathryn thinks it’s Hamilton-”
“Duh!”
“-But I think it’s In the Heights! It’s an underrated jewel!” Jonah interjected, still wearing his Jesse Tuck hat.
You considered for a moment.
“I mean, they’re too different to compare. In the Heights has the same energy as Rent - showcasing what goes on in ordinary people’s lives, and how love ties us all together,” he nodded in agreement, “But Hamilton is on a way larger scale, almost Les Mis meets Fun Home vibes. But in terms of personal preference…” Eleanor scoffed at your answer, and Jonah went back to debate further with Kathryn.
“Anyway,” you turned back to Eleanor to ask her what the hell she meant by Paxton Hall-Yoshida was blushing. But before you could-
“Eleanor, we need you to try on your blue dress again,” Lena was already pulling her away, “I had the empire waist in the right place but half the pins fell out, and it’s just...” And she was whisked away before you could finish the thought. You just had time to help Holly get out her wig pins and drink some lemon water before notes. Eleanor still wasn’t back, so you made sure to write down hers for her. It was pretty standard; be quiet backstage, go over your lines, don’t touch props that aren’t yours, don’t eat in costume, and a couple blocking changes you made note of. After your end of rehearsal warm downs and huddle, everyone left relatively quickly. You ducked into the bathroom to freshen up a little. Sometimes it was hard coming down from such intense energy after rehearsal. You mentally ran through your to do list. You needed to get some more tea, write that essay when you got home, go over your notes- You gasped, cutting off your own train of thought. You ran out of the bathroom to look for Eleanor, still clutching her notes in hand.
~
Your voice still echoed in Paxton’s ears. He wished he had a whole album of you singing. Your voice made him want to ruin his spotify algorithm by listening to nothing else. You had looked at him a couple times, and his heart had almost stopped. He didn’t know eye contact could be so intense. It’s probably just cause you’re like, the only person in the audience. Where else is she supposed to look? He deflated a little. He heard his name and looked over to you and Eleanor talking together. Hopefully it was about him. Hopefully it was good. He checked his phone, trying to look busy. When he glanced up to see if you were looking, you were gone. He started to look around for you when he saw Eleanor waving at Fab, and sure enough, you were next to her. What he didn’t expect was you dropping your dress to the ground. Time slowed down (and his heart sped up) as you stretched a little, and pulled out sweatpants from your bag.
Wow.
You had on what looked like a bathing suit on underneath, and a few other people had done the same, but he knew that image would be in his memory, probably forever. His heart was beating in his ears and he knew he must be blushing.
“You okay, Paxton?” Fab asked, a seat or two away. Oh god, he didn’t want people asking why he blushed every time he looked at you! He muttered something about needing to make a call and headed for the doors. Don’t look back at her, don’t look back at her… His eyes involuntarily darted in your direction right before he left. You had on a flowy translucent jacket, your hair thrown back supermodel style as you fanned yourself to cool down. He needed to cool down too. Maybe a cold shower, a really cold shower.
~
You managed to find Eleanor just before she left. Two girls were with her, you had seen Fab once, and you’d heard a lot about Devi, but had never been introduced.
You gave Eleanor her notes, and she hugged you.
“You’re a lifesaver!”
“Of course, I-”
“Uh, who’s this?” you looked over, and the shorter girl - Devi, based on what you’d heard about her - was giving you a weird look. You introduced yourself.
“Nice to meet you. How do you know Eleanor?” said the taller girl - definitely Fab.
“Oh,” you smiled, “she’s my almost mother in law. And my arch rival,” you counted on your fingers, “my sister, my niece, my lover, my husband, and…” you trailed off, trying to think of the other dynamics your characters had had in past shows.
“Your co-conspirator.”
“Right,” you laughed. Devi and Fab looked at you two.
“We’re in the musical together.” you clarified. You were about to part ways when you called to Eleanor, “Hey, we’re still on for running lines tomorrow night?”
“Uh… Sounds good!” she walked away quickly, speaking to Devi and Fab in hushed tones. Something was definitely up. That was typical Eleanor Scheming behavior.
~
That night, you almost couldn’t sleep. This wasn’t the normal post rehearsal can’t sleep. In fact, Tuck Everlasting was the last thing on your mind as you readjusted your pillows and snuggled into your duvet. You stared at the neon blue stars projected and swirling on your ceiling. You sighed. Again. Your brain was a 24/7 livestream of Paxton Hall-Yoshida to relax/study to. You saw him again, his face in the dimly lit auditorium, Adonis in a sea of faded seats. If you hadn’t been sure before, you knew now that red was definitely his color. You rolled onto your side. Your heart picked up speed as a thought crossed your mind. You could almost see Paxton now, kneeling next to you, his fingertips brushing your cheek. The piano underscore to “Seventeen” ran through your mind. You could imagine him saying “Wait with me, we could share the world…” so vividly it almost hurt. He leaned in, and…
You let out a loud sigh and rolled over again. Your heart was fully saturated. That’s more than enough pining for tonight.
~
“Paxton!”
He was a little surprised when Eleanor just walked up to him at lunch the next day. Most people were too intimidated to approach him out of the blue.
“I have a plan.”
“Uh, I don’t know what you-”
“Cut the crap, I know you like her.”
His face blanched. Well, yeah of course he did. Who wouldn’t? He was going to ask Eleanor if there was something he could do to win you over, just not here, not now. Not where everyone could watch and jeer and rib him for it. Just like they were doing now.
“Woah, dude, who is it?” Trent asked. He fumbled for words. He couldn’t believe this was happening. He hadn’t kept his crush a secret because he was embarrased of you, he’d kept it a secret because his dumbass friends wouldn’t get you. Hell, he barely got you. You were so deep, and emotive, and artistic...
“Bro, if you like her as much as it seems like you do,” Trent continued, “you gotta win her over.” He was a little shocked at the agreement murmuring through his group of friends. He didn’t know how to respond. Trent turned to Eleanor.
“What’s the plan, drama mama?”
“First of all,” she said, an almost humorously dangerous look on her face, “never call me that again. Second,” she shoved some papers into Paxton’s hands, “meet me in the music room immediately after school.” She started back for her table. Trent looked back over to Paxton.
“You gotta do it, dude. We’ll cover for you at swim.”
The rest of his friends agreed. He was pleasantly surprised at how supportive they were being.
“Yeah, I guess... we’ve got a plan.”
~
The next day went by pretty smoothly. No rehearsal was scheduled since they were finishing construction for some of the sets, but everyone was instructed to do a couple read throughs of the script, focusing on scenes they’re still forgetting, to make sure everyone’s off book. You stopped by 7 Eleven to get a blue slurpee (for homework) and a couple coconut waters (for run throughs). You texted Eleanor on your way to the slurpee machine.
okay so do you like the mango coconut water or the pineapple one?? It’s the mango one right?? i always forget lmao
sent at 4:16 pm
btw I don’t have that much homework so you can probs come by around 5:30 if you’re ready by then
sent at 4:16 pm
Bae Tuck
OMFG!! I totally forgot about running lines tonight, I can’t make it! :( but I’ll send someone over to help you out. :)
sent at 4:17 pm
You squinted at your screen. That was weird. Eleanor never used colon parentheses smilies. Like, ever. She always used emojis, and usually way more than two per text.
yeah np, are u good? ♡
sent at 4:17 pm
Bae Tuck
Yes :)
sent at 4:18 pm
Bae Tuck
Also get the passionfruit one 🥥🍠 👀
sent at 4:18
that’s,,, el that’s a sweet potato,,
sent at 4:19 pm
Bae Tuck
Close enough 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
sent at 4:19pm
...Okay? That was definitely weird. You shook it off and headed for the counter to pay. You stopped half way there, and turned back to swap the mango for passionfruit.
Not long after you had finished your homework and tidied up your room a little, the doorbell rang. You exited the kitchen, drinks in hand, and opened the door. Your heart caught in your throat. Paxton Hall-Yoshida was standing outside. And you were pretty sure he looked nervous. You both just stood there for a second. No one breathed, no one spoke.
“Uh, hi, do you want to…” you backed up, motioning for him to come inside.
“Yeah, thanks,” he said, entering the doorway. Paxton motherfucking Hall-Yoshida was in your living room. You held out a hand to him.
“Coconut water?” he took the box, looked at the label, and smiled.
“Yeah, thanks,” he said again, this time a faint, yet unmistakable note of joy in his voice. He took a sip. He smiled.
“Passionfruit’s my favorite.” You silently thanked Eleanor, who you knew must have planned all this. Most of the evening was a blur, and you thanked god your family wasn’t home right now. You went upstairs, texted Eleanor asking what the actual fuck, made some surprisingly comfortable small talk, then filled him in on how to run lines.
“Do you think playing the soundtrack would help you… get into character?” he asked.
“I would probably just end up singing the whole thing,” You laughed and tried to ignore the butterflies in your chest. The main scene you struggled with was before “Seventeen”. It was harder to get into Winnie’s head because you had no romantic feelings for Jonah, and you always just made each other laugh. You had started with a few easier scenes of Winnie and Jesse, like the fair, and the dialogue before “Top of the World”.
“That was really good,” he said, and you felt the sincerity of his words.
“Thanks…” you smiled and took a sip of coconut water, hoping you weren’t blushing too hard.
“So what next?” he asked.
“Probably the scene before ‘Seventeen’,” you said, giving him the page and scene number, “it’s one of the hardest ones for me. I guess I just can’t connect to Jonah the way Winnie does.”
“Huh,” he said, skimming the page. When you looked up at him, he had something between a smile and a smirk playing at his lips. You made yourself look away before you got too distracted. You refused to think about the fact that you were sitting across from Paxton Hall-Yoshida on your bed, in your room, like you were… close with each other. His eyes skimmed the script, finding the dialogue. He glanced up at you and nodded, indicating he found his place. You began.
“I was so afraid you wouldn’t get away,” you said, jumping into character.
“I may be 102, but I can still outrun anyone,” a smile played at his lips. You smiled, then let your face fall.
“I’m so sorry, I-I tried to warn you-”
“No, no,” he interjected almost seamlessly, “It’s okay, it’s… refreshing having someone look after me who isn’t my mom.” His eyes flickered between your face and the page. You smiled with him for a second, then let distress cloud your face.
“Jesse… that man came by my house today. He heard the music box, he knows about you-”
“I know he knows…”
You continued on with the scene and he trailed off when he came to the sheet music for the song Seventeen. You took in a breath to start the dialogue in the middle of the song, but before you could…
“Six years from now you will turn seventeen,
Turn seventeen,
The same age as me,
Six years from now,
Go to the spring,
Go to the spring and drink…”
He was singing to you. He was looking at you and singing to you. His eyes only flickered down to the page to confirm the lyrics. He was nervous, you could tell. But through his hesitance, the emotion in his voice was sincere. Your heart was beating faster. You didn’t even notice your pulse was ringing in your ears, you were too focused on Paxton.
“I'll wait for you till you turn seventeen,
Turn seventeen,
The same age as me,
Six years from now,
Go to the spring,
Go to the spring and drink…” Your hand rose to cover your mouth. He hesitated, and you remembered your dialogue.
“Uh, wh-what if I… forget where the spring is?” He reached out and took your free hand in his. Your pulse was off the charts.
“I’ll go get you some water. Just… remember to keep it somewhere safe. Somewhere no one will find it.” You got the feeling he wasn’t just talking about the water. You knew he had never really been in a serious relationship before, and it clicked suddenly - if he learned an entire song to duet with you, just how much he must like you. You exhaled a breathy laugh, unsure how to process the sudden euphoria you felt.
“You make the world sound so… exciting. I just want to drink the water right now!”
“Uh, no. You have to wait.” you both smiled, anticipating the upcoming joke.
“Why?” you ask, “What’s the difference?” You held your breath as he tried not to laugh through the delivery of the punchline.
“Believe me,” he rubbed his thumb over your hand, “there’s a difference.” You both chuckled, and he continued singing. You were so focused on him, so… touched that he would do all this for you.
“Winnie, wait with me,
And we could be married,
Winnie, wait with me,
And we'll share the world,
Winnie, you can stop time,
And live like this,
Forever…”
“I could live like this forever,” you echoed.
“Live like this...” you sang in tandem.
“What do you say, Winnie? Do you want to…” he broke character suddenly, and asked, his eyes boring into yours, “Do you want to go out some time?”
He could see the adorable smile blooming on your face, even from behind your hand. You nodded.
“Yes, I-I would love that,” and you began to sing the last line in the song, “Forever-”
But before you finished holding out the note, his lips were on yours. His mouth moved slowly, intentionally, against yours. You followed his lead, flustered. He leaned further forward, his palm caressing your cheek. It was everything you imagined it would be, and you had quite the imagination. Your head was angled up and your hands rested themselves on his back, one tracing little shapes. Your shoulders were pressed against each other and neither of you could think. He was so warm. He tasted like coconut and passion fruit, and a distant part of your mind silently thanked Eleanor again.
You really could live like this forever.
#paxton hall yoshida x reader#paxton hall yoshida#never have i ever#nhie#nhie x reader#never have i ever x reader
602 notes
·
View notes
Text
so! as i’ve said we are done for as a country 🇷🇺 shit was fun while it lasted but ye old man got tired of pretending that he cares about us and basically made us a middle stage totalitarian regime in a matter of days! god he is so talented at making people just do things i wonder why couldn’t he do all of that when his oligarch friends were showing people how to steal properly. actually i don’t wonder about anything at this point the only way to survive this is to assume that everyone supporting him is a psychopath and i’m not exaggerating mothers are disowning their kids for being against him, i’m scared to read news on the metro train because all of my sources are in opposition and i can’t afford (obviously) a new phone right now if some angry old man supporter decides to break it.
im done analysing i know it makes me a bad scientist i don’t care im tired. here are my unhinged from social science takes:
1. self-care people are ruining the resistance. fucking media pyramid scheme feel good motherfuckers destroying people sense of belonging to a group thus making them distance from anything affecting it. fucking early stage capitalism individualism. “we have to think positively” - no you don’t. at this point, because i know that in your little cult of only caring about yourself you have not been doing it for the last ten years, you HAVE to expose yourself to every thing that makes you upset. you won’t understand the stakes and the gravity of what is going on here if you try to distance yourself. people mere 500-1000km from you can’t distance themselves from the artillery strikes being aimed at them so try some empathy for once in your stupid life.
2. killing people is ultimately bad except when it comes to whoever makes me personally angry. there are like only five people in my mind so don’t worry.
3. yes slavic people are gonna suffer because of it but you know we are literally done. we are the germans of 21 century except we are also dirty slavs and caucasian and asian people. for years i’ve been saying that nobody actually has an opinion on russian people except for a reactionary one, but oh my god. imagine looking at the biggest country in the world and thinking that people are one and the same there. i’m sorry for geographical determinism as i’ve said these are not profesional opinions.
4. america is the worst country in the world simply for the reason of how easy it is to antagonise it. turns out hypocrisy is not a great image builder.
5. if i were our old man’s image maker i would ban anyone from filming that long ass table. only faces on display.
6. our protests are useless until famous people are at the front of them (they are a bunch of pussies though) and our police and military start changing sides. at this point we are just toothless screaming babies and the only reason to protest still is to not let western people forget that there are real human beings still living here.
7. i hate every single person who studies north korea as a fucking little lab rat cage.
8. the excuse of propaganda affecting people around you will last only for so long. it means that you knew that people have been affected by it for the last 10 years and you haven’t talked to them about it? my grandpa exclusively watches tv but my mother and i TALK to him about the news he watched and literally just by being nice to him we still can explain how the tv is wrong about so many things. stop giving the excuse of “people are dumb and it doesn’t matter” if you haven’t even tried (also don’t be dumb obviously not everyone is in the place where they can oppose to someone’s opinion but it just means that i’m not talking to you).
9. i forgot another bad take. i think that we shouldn’t teach regular russians about vpn and let them suffer. maybe social media withdrawals will make them angrier actually
1 note
·
View note
Text
nobody asked but pat gill is so fucking hot to me and im going to tell you why im attracted to him | a 2.3k word long post where i hold you, dear reader, hostage
[SCENE: You, the reader, are tied to a wooden chair in an empty room with nothing but a small table and a projector. You pull at the ropes that tie your hands together behind your back, but then the door opens and I stroll in. I am dressed in a full black suit and am also wearing shutter shades. I am also holding a powerpoint clicker. The fancy ones with a laser pointer in them. You shudder in contempt for you know that you are about to witness a horrible lecture.]
Hello, reader. I know you know why I’ve brought you here. I’m here to discuss something very important to you. Don’t look at me like that, it is important, I swear. I am here to tell you why I find Pat Gill hot.
[I switch on the projector. My presentation slides flash to life on the wall. Behind your back, you locate the feel around the knots tying your hands.]
This is not a presentation where I will convince you that Pat Gill is hot. No, I wouldn’t prescribe my tastes onto anybody, that’s not nice. What I will do is explain in horrid, vivid detail why I myself find Pat Gill hot.
Like everything I do, I cannot dive in without first setting up some kind of framework or system of analysis. What I am trying to explain is how I find another person attractive, and that has thus pushed me to make the AHG Criteria, a criteria made up of the three principal characteristics of a human which makes me attracted to them and is also, coincidentally, the sound I make when I see images of Pat Gill.
The AHG Criteria refers to the following:
Appearance: the most shallow but noticeable of characteristics. Here, I will explain just what it is about Pat Gill’s perceivable flesh prison that gets me so upset in an attracted manner.
Humor: I love a funny human and humor theory is one of my side interests. Here, I will dissect two specific instances of Pat Gill’s humor, bringing in references and related literature, in an effort to explain why his sense of humor is stellar.
Good at presenting things: I am very attracted to competence, but one skill I hold in very high regard is the skill of explaining and conveying information. Here, I will analyse Pat Gill as a communicator.
So let’s jump right into it.
Pat Gill’s Appearance is, frankly, an anomaly to me. This is not to say that anything about his appearance is strange, but that, quite honestly, as handsome as he is, he’s basic. He is white, he is tall, he is thin, he has black hair and a slight beard (though currently he is sporting more of a moustache, which I’m still into). At first glance, one wouldn’t pay him much attention. I sure didn’t, until I watched more and more videos of him. I sure didn’t, until I realized.
His Appearance is basic, but his vibes, which I am including in the criteria of Appearance, bring his Appearance to life. Pat Gill looks a little unapproachable, with his resting sad face; but, when he smiles, he is so shameless and happy. Pat Gill looks like somebody you’d see leaning on a wall outside a bar, looking up at the sky, and you wonder just what he’s thinking about---wonder if you could get lost in his thoughts. Pat Gill looks like somebody friendly--- once his resting sad face gives way---somebody who would help you pick up your stuff when you bump into him and the contents of your bag spill out. Pat Gill looks like somebody who would use his goddamn turn signal. Pat Gill looks like somebody who would pet many dogs, as many dogs as he physically could. Pat Gill looks---
[As I prattle on, your fingers explore the knots behind your back. In your mind, you are mapping out the knot’s shape and orientation, thinking about how to undo them. When you tune back into my voice, the slide on the projector has changed and I have shifted topics.]
Let’s move onto the next criteria. Humor.
Paul McGhee in his book Humor: Its Origins and Development brings up Göran Nerhardt to define humor as “[...] a consequence of the discrepancy between two mental representations, one of which is an expectation and the other is some idea or percept” (McGhee 14). Nerhardt’s definition of humor is one that relies on incongruity: wherein there is an element that is not in accordance with the other elements. An incongruous element is one that is not the expectation, and in this subversion of expectation, humor is achieved. What is funny in a humorous situation, is then, what is unexpected to a certain degree. Humor, and the reaction to it, is due to the recognition of the incongruous.
Despite this incongruity, there is still an internal logic to anything humorous. This internal logic is different for each humorous situation, and consists of everything within the situation; the set-up, punchline, characters, etc. It is this internal logic that allows for jokes to “make sense.” It is that internal logic that helps us get from one element to the incongruous element, realize their relationship, and thus find the whole thing funny.
Incongruity and internal logic are one of the many characteristics of humor, and they are the ones I will be focusing on. With those definitions in place, let’s talk about what you’re here for: Pat Gill.
Pat Gill is a funny guy. If I tried to analyse every single instance he was funny, I would never shut up. You wouldn’t want that, would you?
[You shake your head no. God, no.]
Right, so I’ll just be focusing on two instances of his humor that stuck out to me (originally, I wanted to discuss three, but then I saw that the length of this post was getting kilometric, so I cut it down to the essentials), these of which I think is a good marker for the kind of sense of humor he has.
The first one is my absolute favorite tweet of his:
This tweet is, at first glance, a lot. Pat Gill doesn’t wait for the punchline to be incongruous, he throws incongruity straight at our faces with the opening line, and one may think that that’s a bad move. Not necessarily. It’s just a ballsy one. It’s a move that doesn’t spoonfeed the audience with the internal logic, you have to work for it. As you read through the tweet, the internal logic starts to come through the incongruity. The literal dramatic situation of the tweet is a persona talking about the good state their nemesis is in. The language of the tweet keys us in to the kind of Medieval vibe, like a scheming duke in the hallways of a castle. The punchline comes after the last comma. The monolog of the nemesis’ good fortune will be interrupted by the persona’s attack on their life.
This tweet is an example of the bedrock of many of his jokes. He doesn’t give a damn if he makes sense or not. He will throw you into the deep end of the joke and it is up to you to tread the water. However, if you do manage to keep afloat, his internal logic will bring you to the punchline and, thus, satisfaction.
[Your fingers have been working on the knots steadily as I speak. You try your best not to react as you start to feel something give way, and you keep working quietly.]
The second instance of humor I want to discuss is the Solid Snake Skincare Routine dialog he wrote and performed with Brian in episode 8 of Gill and Gilbert. The full transcript is as follows:
Pat (as Solid Snake from Metal Gear Solid): Colonel, how do I know which moisturizer to buy, and how do I know it’ll match my skin type?
Brian (as Colonel from Metal Gear Solid): Unfortunately Snake, there’s no way to tell for sure. Certain retailers will offer samples, but in most cases, it’s up to you to purchase a product and try it out.
Pat: Sounds expensive.
Brian: It is, Snake. And the cost disproportionately affects women.
Pat: Women?
Brian: Societal norms in the west dictate that a woman’s value is tied to their appearance, and the thing every woman has…
Pat: Skin!
Brian: Right.
Pat: So, we expect women to attain a higher---So, we expect women---women, to attain perfect skin, and we also expect them to pay for it?
Brian: All while paying them less for doing the same jobs as men.
Pat: So Colonel, that means…
Brian: Yes, Snake. It is imperative that you give your money to women.
Pat: Right.
Like the tweet discussed before, Pat Gill shoves incongruity in your face immediately. Solid Snake, super cool spy dude (?? I don’t fuckin know anything about video games) talking about skincare. He expects you to keep up, and if you do, you are rewarded by a surreal yet lovely conversation between Snake and Colonel talking about the intricacies of skincare, but then things get really interesting. The topic shifts to the societal expectations of beauty and how it ties into womens’ experiences. This isn’t a grand woke moment or anything, but it is a surprising shift in subject that is perfectly in tune with the internal logic of the conversation. The punchline is amazing, giving all your money to women, yet it is also written in a way that does not imply that women are the butt of the joke. The butt of the joke here is the surreal vibe of the conversation as a whole.
This dialog builds upon the bedrock of Pat Gill’s humor: he isn’t afraid to go places. This is something that is apparent in many of the Unraveleds that he writes (Dark Souls Bosses is a very good example), he brings in real issues, makes the jokes funny, but never treats the marginalized or the victims of these issues as the butt of the joke. In Susan Purdie’s book The Mastery of Discourse, she remarks that to joke about a certain topic, to make something the “butt of the joke” can degrade this topic and bring it down lower, in the process shifting the power to the joker instead (Purdie 59). Pat Gill is aware of that power dynamic and never jokes at the expense of those who are struggling. He instead makes us laugh at characters, at situations, at surreality.
[The knots tying your hands are almost undone. You just need to bide your time. You’re so close to escaping from this thirsty pseudo intellectual motherfucker]
The last criteria I need to discuss with you is GreatAtPresentingThings.
Pat Gill has done a lot of presenting. For this, I will be analyzing just one of the many videos where Pat Presents Things, my favorite among his “X is Y because of Z” videos, “Why Bloodborne and Muppets are the exact same thing.”
I’ve talked about this video in a previous long post analysis about Pat Gill, but let me talk about it again. Pat Gill, on camera, brings up an absolutely bonkers fucking thesis: that the horrible monsters in Bloodborne are similar to the Muppets because of how they use character design.
Pat Gill, as a presenter, is very lovely to listen to. The cadence of his voice is not only extremely relaxing and makes me feel like a tranquilized zoo animal that Pat is talking to very gently about video games, but his voice is also very easy to follow. There are many voices on the internet, and I have a bunch of sensory issues, so a lot of the time, even when I want to listen to somebody, I just can’t because of how their voice grates at my ears. Pat Gill’s voice is not that. It is of a good speed and good vibe that not only puts me at ease but makes me want to listen.
Pat Gill uses gestures. This is most apparent in this video, where he does that cute thing when he says Shape, Movement, and Texture. Here are screenshots of it because it’s so fucking cute, what the fuck.
I know, I know, what do gestures have to do with presenting things? Well, if you told me “shape, movement, texture”, six minutes later, I wouldn’t fucking remember any of those. But with these gestures, those words do stick. When words stick, the explanations behind those words stick as well. When words and explanations stick in your mind, congratulations dude, you just learned something! Pat Gill when talking, and whether it is scripted like this or unintentional like a random gesticulation, the movement catches my attention and I become a more rapt listener.
Honestly, I could go on and on about Pat as a communicator and---
[Before I can speak, you bolt upwards from your chair, finally having gotten the ropes loose. Quickly, powerfully, you grab the projector from the table and smash it over my head. I stumble and fall to the ground, and you look down at me as your chest heaves.
As I slowly lose consciousness, you hear me say, softly, but with so much fervor:
“Pat…..Gill…..hot.”]
Thanks for reading!
(Read my other unhinged analysis essays at actualbird.tumblr.com/tagged/nobody-asked-but. If you have a suggestion for an unhinged analysis essay I can write, send me an ask!)
References:
McGhee, Paul E. Humor: Its Origin and Development, W.H. Freeman and Company, 1979, pp. 1-41.
Purdie, Susan. The Mastery of Discourse. Harvester Wheatsheaf. 1993.
127 notes
·
View notes
Note
are there any stories/facts about your job/coworkers you can comfortably share? maybe something cool they did/you did with them recently? anyone that stands out in particular among them, without getting too specific for. clear reasons?
what's cheeseburger up to atm? any notable stories or anything about him recently, or has he been just living his best life as usual?
which of the skyloft NPCs do you particularly like? for arguments sake, this is excluding the more story relevant ones, so no groose + his gang, no zelda obviously, etc.
as an opposite to that, talk about groose! i've always loved him as a character, and the bits you've said about him and his relationship with link and zelda is always great! also, any notable kin memories you have of groose? especially things that occured after he left skyloft, or even after the demise fight. what did he get up to after the credits rolled?
fun stories about your loftwing? were there any traits you and him shared notably? or any that were more opposite?
what are some of your favorite things about your favorite iterations of zelda? what i mean by that is like... what do you like best about tetra/wind waker zelda? what about skyward zelda? botw zelda? they're similar but all unique people, so what endears you the most about each of them?
i know this is a lot, so don't feel like you have to answer in any specific time frame. take as long as is comfortable, and i hope this helps!! ~🍄
these are so many!!! thank you for being so generous!!!
are there any stories/facts about your job/coworkers you can comfortably share? maybe something cool they did/you did with them recently? anyone that stands out in particular among them, without getting too specific for. clear reasons?
most of the ppl i work w are. kinda rude to me all the time so i mostly just drown them out so i don’t go insane. but there is this one kid who is just, like, a ray of sunshine every time he walks into a room. and he works so hard and he cares about his work and i feel like he’s the only bitch who gets me. we vibe over zelda and will just get into debates about the lore on the clock and i look forward to seeing him a lot.
what's cheeseburger up to atm? any notable stories or anything about him recently, or has he been just living his best life as usual?
he’s just doin he. he sleeps a lot. sometimes in boxes. sometimes under beds. sometimes directly on top of me.
a few weeks back i went to the ER for what i figured out was a kidney stone and while i was literally on my bed writhing in pain trying to hold out until my grandparents got there cheeseburger just like, jumped up on top of me and immediately starting pissing on me, as if to say haha, check this out. i can urinate better than you.
which of the skyloft NPCs do you particularly like? for arguments sake, this is excluding the more story relevant ones, so no groose + his gang, no zelda obviously, etc.
i love all of them so much oh no... everyone i love i love for kinnie reasons like i am tempted to say jakamar cause even though he’s kind of a sleazy dude he, as previously mentioned, smuggled me woodscraps to whittle fsdgjkfsgh
but parrow gives good hugs. and henya always has snacks hidden somewhere. and pumm will give you soup on the house sometimes if he can tell you’re in a rough mood. and and and........ i wuv skyloft. this is all kinnie bullshit actually.
as an opposite to that, talk about groose! i've always loved him as a character, and the bits you've said about him and his relationship with link and zelda is always great! also, any notable kin memories you have of groose? especially things that occured after he left skyloft, or even after the demise fight. what did he get up to after the credits rolled?
talked about him a lil bit in my last ask hehe
fun stories about your loftwing? were there any traits you and him shared notably? or any that were more opposite?
aepon & i were the kind of pair where we seemed really dissimilar on the surface but i think if anyone actually knew us they’d be able to discern pretty quickly that we were 100% twinning. like at face value i was a pretty calm and quiet person who was just, like. spacey and sleepy and vibing while things happened around me, and aepon was this absolute speed demon who had the biggest, loudest presence any time he entered a space. ppl in skyloft called him my red terror.
but the thing about my bird is that he was stubborn to a fault, and recklessly brave, and he just didn’t. stop. and he loved fiercely, the second i was awake in the morning i’d hear him circling overhead and shrieking his happy little shriek, he’d fill my head with all his thoughts of hanging out with me while i was trying to concentrate on work. all those things, we had in common, but i wouldn’t have been able to tell you that. someone like zelda probably would have.
i think the best representation of it is at the beginning of everything when the tornado took zelda, the both of us just. dove right in. nothing else mattered, no conflict existed within either of us, i didn’t have to steer him in or send my intentions into our shared headspace, he just turned into an arrow flying straight into danger, and i went with him and we were one living being. like that’s our core. we are very opposite, until shit gets real, and then we are this beautiful unity tearing through the clouds.
what are some of your favorite things about your favorite iterations of zelda? what i mean by that is like... what do you like best about tetra/wind waker zelda? what about skyward zelda? botw zelda? they're similar but all unique people, so what endears you the most about each of them?
HOW DO I COUNT THE WAYS I LOVE ZELDA AHHHHH
oot!zelda’s determination to defy fate... the way she refuses, from the start, to give in to darkness even though she’s only a little girl. the way she sees my commoner ass just waltz up into her private garden after breaking into her house still dressed in my stupid forest clothes and shes like. oh fuck yeah, wanna help me overthrow the gerudo king? and we’re, can’t stress this enough, ten. she’s so confident like she never worries about being powerless or out of her element, she never for a second believes this isn’t something she can fight. and when everything goes to shit she just keeps fighting!!! and still has the time to remind me that i can keep fighting too!!! literally where did she get that personality i love her so much!!!!
tetra’s fucking... simmering fire. her perfect balance between action and thought. like you can tell she’s pissed off and wants to start throwing punches but she always has the self-control to assess if it’s the thing to do in the moment. I CAN’T DO THAT!!! i’m pissed off i want to swords!!!! that motherfucker over there is PROVOKING ME!!!!! and tetra has the same fire inside her but she’s always just, like, “shut the fuck up, link. put your sword away. we need to get the jump on him.” and im like, AHHHHHHH because she’s always right. literally always. i don’t know how she does this but i think about it constantly. i love her level head and her scheming heart and her choice to carve her own destiny. i like how she finds out she’s a legendary princess from an age long past with sacred blood and shes just like ‘that’s cool but actually i’m tetra and i like to cuss and steal.’ and just does that forever. it resonates with me especially because even though the gods acknowledged me as the hero of winds i, like, wasn’t a ‘true’ incarnation of the hero. it’s just what i decided to be with what i was given. she and i are two sides of that coin and there is something beautiful abt that i don’t have words for. in a lot of ways she was my inspiration.
skyward!zelda’s um. everything? everything. i am so in love with her. i am so in love... with her. i am finding it harder to describe her than everyone else here which is so silly because she’s easily the person i was closest with. she’s just, like, made of fire and love? of passion. everything she is stems from what she loves--she loves old legends, and cliche romance stories, and stargazing, and going on adventures. zelda romanticizes everything in her life, she’ll stop mid-sentence to make you look at the sky because it struck her as particularly beautiful today, meanwhile i’m just like. thats the sky i see it every day i live here. and she’s so brave, so fierce, so resilient--there’s literally nothing that could scare her, i’m certain she got to the surface and immediately started spitting curses at blins, if ghirahim had actually found her alone she would have tried to come at him clawing and spitting. i was always so chill because all my anger was Stored in The Zelda, she’d just fight half my battles for me before i could register they were battles. idk. zelda was such an optimist who took everything in stride and believed, no matter what, that she could make it her own and make it beautiful and find something to adore within it. i might have had a quieter disposition, but she was always better at dealing with change than me. it was calming. i love her so much.
botw!zelda’s passion and inquisitive heart, oh my god, oh my god. i’m going to fucking fight everyone in the kingdom who ever made her feel like she talks too much. god it enthralls me, the way she just talks and talks and talks and LETS ME LISTEN, she lets me just SIT THERE and BASK IN IT like some kind of COLD REPTILE ON A ROCK. i literally cannot comprehend how she can fit so much knowledge about so many different things in her brain, and the way she’s ALWAYS BEEN LIKE THAT, literally just getting together with her techie friends and building whole ass machines when she was like 6 years old. shes looking at me like ‘oh this child prodigy curse my shortcomings why cant i be pulling enchanted swords when IM 12′ and im like PRINCESS YOU’RE FUCKING COOLER THAN ME LIKE CONGRATS I TOUCH A SWORD SOMETIMES AND YOU COULD LITERALLY MAKE A ROBOT TO DO THAT FOR YOU oh my god the way she doesn’t see how incredible she is makes me go insane i feel insane just thinking about it she’s the coolest fucking person i’ve ever met she’s the coolest person in hyrule the kingdom is too good for her i want her to take apart hyrule castle brick by brick and just leave a note behind that says ‘im too cool for you’ and then she gets on my ancient magic motorcycle and rides off into the sunset to some paradise far away and if i’m LUCKY she takes me with her. i love zelda
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
okay now I’m imagining golden wind as an otome
It’s called something cheesy and dumb like Burning Passione, obvi it’s gender neutral reader like the arcana, everyone is 18 or older and they all are alive, and mc= main character/reader (I like using mc instead of ‘you’ or s/o bc it allows for the input of characters as well as self-inserts while still being gn!)
Giorno as the shy yet serious type, always off on ‘business’, probably has a story conflict art where mc confronts him about cheating and he reveals he’s the don of passione, leaving them speechless (but kinda horny ooh) and the route closes with them becoming the don’s prized s/o
Bruno as the overworked, tired, stern fatherly guy and right hand to the don, but the charming and fun lover when he has time to spare with mc. His route is about him being distant at first, torn over his love for mc and not wanting to involve them in mafia affairs, until eventually they stubbornly worm their way into his work family too, and they wed under the Venetian sun in spring.
Abbacchio as the moody, distant type who makes mc question if he even cares about them, but then in the quiet moments between the danger of his lifestyle and the emotional turmoil inside him, it’s like mc is the only person in the world. The conflict in his story is getting him to overcome his own emotions and let mc into his life, settling into something comfortable built on trust.
(It’s kind of open-ended, I just can’t picture Abbacchio as the type to have a fantasy fairytale wedding, but I think it would be something more personal, and mc feels cherished.)
Narancia as the fun loving goofball who meets mc by accident, crashing into them headfirst running from *another* fire he started, and it’s the classic meet-cute “hands brush while gathering spilled items” trope, and he cutely tells you jokes while apologizing [im so sorry, gah, hey! cute keychain! sonic go broom broom hehehe also sORRY AGAIN] and basically steals ur heart, and sequentially dragging you along on all of his wild adventures and schemes, and it’s happily ever after when he proposes with a ring pop ;3
Mista as the heroic gunman who rescues a charming hostage (mc) and when they thank him with a kiss, he faints, and they have to drive him to the hospital, where they catch up with each other and fall in love, eventually marrying after Mista proposes in the middle of a shootout like the unexpectedly smooth motherfucker he is, and he, mc, and the six bullets become a happy little familia-tied family.
Fugo as the classic tsundere ‘it’s not like I like you or anything, baka’ type, starting as mc’s tutor whenthey join passione, slowly becoming a friend, and then one night in the middle of an argument he heatedly kisses them and pours his heart out into mc’s waiting palms, and from there a relationship blooms, fugo allowing them to soften his rougher edges and fugo teaching mc street and book smarts, making up the perfect duo of vengeful little shits (I say that with love of course)
La Squadra here
#passione#narancia ghirga#guido mista#bruno bucciarati#leone abbacchio#giorno giovanna#giogio#jojo part 5#part five golden wind#vento aureo#golden wind#golden experience#part five vento aureo#i didn’t add trish bc i feel like she’s mc’s wingman and best friend#and also i want her to focus on herself and experience the childhood she missed out on#otome#otome game#gn reader#gn mc#otome mc#passione x reader#giorno x reader#bruno bucciarati x reader#giorno giovanna x reader#leone abbachio x reader#guido mista x reader#narancia ghirga x reader#fugo panacotta#fugo x reader#pannacotta fugo
34 notes
·
View notes
Text
Klaroline Fic Rec Event 2020 - Day 3: Angst
Title: The Devil's Backbone
Author: willowaus / @willowaus
Summary: With the race on for the cure, some will fall, some will rise, and some will go insane. Friendships end and new ones spark as secrets are revealed and what some believe to be the truth will turn out to be nothing but lies. While others may discover that they're not as different as they had believed. But will it matter if there is no world left? Set after 4x09. [Klaus/Caroline]
Warnings: couple people get rather tortured, an entire dinner party gets eaten, Kol just basically Exists, kidnapping, murder, mayhem, one (1) den of iniquity, a werewolf transformation sequence or three, Elena BSOD, Damon's usual finesse with sire bonds, dead children mention, Klaus burns down at least one town, smut, gratuitous use of compulsion, someone stakes themself, some discussion of Damon being The Worst and Why, a few side character deaths
Status: Complete
Why you should read it: Okay so this is a whole redo of the Silas arc from right after Klaus slaughters the hybrids. Basically works from the premise of "What if these characters actually were ruthless immortal monsters instead of like, kind of evil foils to the Salvatore plot armor?" Like right off the bat Klaus is like "I need some information. I know! I will torture it out of Stefan!" and then he fuckin does bc Nutjob McMikaelson rules in this planetary house, yo.
Kol ends up getting wind of the cult of Silas being back to party and he goes fuckin apeshit. Kidnaps Caroline to force Klaus to murder some people ("Did you try and ask him?" AGSJDKAAH CAROLINE) and starts off the first of several fun road trips in this fic. Klaus comes in clutch and then hunts a motherfucker down to get his girl. Caroline and him spend the rest of the fic in a hilarious dynamic of "Maybe we could not murder literally everyone that looks at me?" while he's like "Nah," and then eats them.
The whole Silas plot mystery is great and them doing research to Defeat The Evil while the evil laughs from the shadows is fun. The character dynamics are even more fun tho, even tho there is angst here that does not sleep. Caroline has to come to terms with her vampire existence in a big way while still being true to her core. Klaus has to chill out abt the fact that his heart now exists outside his body in Caroline's tiny hands, and by that i mean he does not chill out, not even a little bit, rest in pieces dude.
Basically if you want intense creeper murder Klaus, this is ur fuckin stop and it is so good. Also contains homicidal siblings sharing one (1) collective brain cell, bad ass Bennett witch fu, actual Forbes parenting, Katherine scheming, Tyler being just literally so dumb, staring into the distance and muttering "Why?" while Damon and Stefan just keep doing the most, and Rebekah making even more bad decisions. I'm making this sound really fun maybe (and it is) but i was stressing the fuck out the whole time bc im not an angst slut and actively avoid it most of the time but like, please read this fic it is good and will restore ur crops.
Thanks @klaroline-events for putting up with my 5am the next day entries for this shindig every day, ur stellar!
#kcficrecevent#klaroline-events#willowaus#do y'all see a theme in how i like my Klaus?#pls just let him murder ppl i beg u#like okay the tags say Angst so im counting this on a technicality#i haven't read fic in three days bc i keep writing reviews let me rest#constantly like 'do i like The Devils Backbone or Wicked Schemes the best?' and then i just shoot myself in the foot and read both again#im like 90% sure everyone here has read this fic so grats on having excellent taste y'all
15 notes
·
View notes
Note
Mahabharata (any characters or pairing) + college au + meet messy + “alexa, play wonderwall.” (at this point im just picking things at random lol)
play wonderwall : you’ll see lol
basically used this as an excuse to write a version of the scene u and i both acknowledge as our favorite. the single most iconic scene in the entire epic, bar none. for our sake, i really hope that you like it!! also the “meet messy” is basically random people in the crowd meeting this trainwreck of a family in all of its glory. also i think rhea’s modern au krishna goes by shyam yadav??? i tried to use a different first name at least but none of them sounded as nice so i gave up lol sorry rhea.
--
“Are you fucking kidding me?”
It seems like the entire university is gathered on the front lawn to watch the swearing-in ceremony of new Union President Dharamraj Kuru after what many reported to be the nastiest student election season perhaps ever seen. Jarasandha Magadh, after years of refusing to graduate, had at the last minute been put in the hospital and, apparently, sustained injuries so extensive that it had effectively argued that his already completed coursework should be all that was counted when factoring in his final mark.
“Especially given said student’s...extensive history...with this institution,” Shyam had apparently said when arguing Jarasandha’s case to University Administration, Jarasandha himself completely unaware and apparently furious when he was brought out of his medically induced coma.
Jarasandha’s party’s hastily promoted candidate Sahadeva was wildly acknowledged to be weak, young, and meant to be nothing more than a rubber stamp on business as usual. Dharamraj, whose upstart campaign effectively communicated how poorly “business as usual” had treated the student body, was suddenly flooded with factions of students seeking an alliance so that their respective organizations might be allocated larger portions of the budget everyone assumed Dharamraj would soon control.
Everyone was right. Dharamraj won in a landslide, and now here everybody is, watching him deliver his maiden speech as their new President.
“Shisupal,” Dharamraj sighs, “what exactly is your problem?”
“My problem,” Shisupal shrieks, walking up to the dais from where Dharamraj stands, surrounded by his friends, family, and his girlfriend Yagna. “You’re asking me what my problem is, Brother?”
“Brother?” someone in the crowd asks, too low to be heard at the front.
“I think they’re related on their mother’s side,” someone else responds. “Both their mothers are sisters, but Pritha was adopted out to a friend of her father so was never close to her biological siblings.”
“Jesus,” another laughs, “are they all just cousins?”
A wide assortment of Kurus stand on stage, jubilant after so many years of them trying and failing to win elections at the university their fathers had once ruled. Yagna, from a prominent family herself, at Dharamraj’s side. Shyam Yadav, whose sister Subhadra is in love with Dhananjaya and whose father was like a brother to Pritha when she was lonely in Kuntibhoj and Vasudev not imprisoned with his wife.
Yes, they really are all just cousins.
Vrikodara steps in front of Dharamraj, arms crossed and looming nearly half a metre taller than Shishupal. Yet, Shishupal is not cowed -- though many men more intelligent than he would have been.
“I’m not afraid of you, asshole. Everyone knows you’re just the gun in Dharamraj’s hand, and your brother is a pacifist. You won’t touch me.”
“You would be surprised,” Dharamraj says mildly, smiling slightly as the crowd laughs at the thought of violence from the slightly frail Dharma, always seen in the library or sitting under the tree outside it, smoking cigarettes as he argues with professors twice his age about obscure legalities and wins.
“You wouldn’t hurt a fly,” Shishupal spits, “you’re too much of a coward to hit a person when they know it’s coming. That’s why you’re just stabbing us in the back, selling us out on the first day when we put our reputations on the line to back you for President.”
“Shisupal!” Vrikodara roars, Dhananjaya striding to stand next to him, Suyodhana and Radheya on either flank despite what is rumored to be their own tensions with Pandu’s sons. The family is closing ranks at this attack from one their own, it seems, but then what is University politics if not a way for people to find some entertainment from other people’s drama.
“What,” Shishupal retorts, “you expect us all to shut up while you commit to sinking half of the budget into that wastrel’s pathetic fund? You plan on just giving our money away to anyone who spins a sad life story and begs for cash?”
Well, University politics is about this too -- the eternal question of which students should be helped, and how much. The fund in question is the brainchild of Shyam, a way for individuals to apply for rapid monetary relief in response to uncontrollable circumstances, and be granted what they need with almost no questions asked.
“Shisupal,” Dhananjaya steps forward, sensitive as always when his best (and only) friend’s name is brought up. “We’ve let you get away with more than we should because you happen to be our mother’s nephew. If you continue to embarrass us in public it won’t end well.”
Shishupal laughs. “For you or for me? As far as I can see, you’ve all been duped by that street-trash pretending to be Vasudev Yadav’s son.”
Dhananjaya glares. “Uncle Vasudev is more our mother’s brother than your mother is her sister. Slander his name at your own risk.” Again, Shishupal refuses to cower despite what the crowd acknowledges as fierce odds -- Dhananjaya doesn’t actually attend the University, only visits frequently from the Indian Air Force Academy to spend time with Shyam, and his brothers sometimes as well. The man is licensed to shoot a gun, for god’s sake, but Shishupal continues to stand firm.
“Even now, you’re all standing in front of him,” Shishupal taunts, “Dancing to his tune and protecting his reputation when you know as well as I where he came from. He didn’t even speak English until he left that shithole after killing his own uncle, and you idiots are planning to sink my money into his scheme? Not on my watch.”
“No,” a voice comes from the back of the group on the dais, “there’s no need to make that face. I can fight my own battles, Dhananjaya. Especially against an absolute clown, like Shishupal.”
“A clown,” Shishupal shouts, “you’re calling me a clown?”
Shyam rolls his eyes, having pushed his way to the front. Behind him Vrikodara is grinding his teeth, Dhananjaya’s fingers hovering at his own waist as if wishing for a gun.
“Well I could have called you a motherfucker,” Shyam shrugs, “but I’m quite fond of your mother. In fact, she was the one who’s begged me to forgive you every time you’ve done something like this.”
Shishupal snarls. “My mother doesn’t beg, street-trash, and she certainly wouldn’t lower herself to beg from you. People like you are only demanded from.”
Shyam shrugs again. “Suit yourself. But consider this your last warning -- say another word, and I won’t let you go like I did before.”
“Before? Before?” For some reason, Shyam’s threat has only made Shishupal angrier, face turning purple where it was red. “Before, as in that time last year, when you stole my wife from the wedding hall at gunpoint. Is that what you mean by before?”
The crowd goes still at the reminder of the biggest controversy to rock their collective social circle.
Shyam raises an eyebrow. “The whole point of that was that she wasn’t your wife when we left.” His lip curls in a sneer of his own, eyes suddenly cold. “You were treating her so poorly that she asked what to her was a complete stranger to kidnap her on her wedding day. I wouldn’t talk so loudly about before.”
Nearly a year ago, Shishupal was to be married to Rukmini Bhoja after years of forcing her to stand attendance at his side during all campus events, despite her not actually being enrolled as a student. Both of their families were rich, well connected, and sought increased prestige through connection with the other. It was, people remarked, on paper the perfect match.
Of course, Rukmini was intelligent, witty, kind, and one of the most beautiful women most people had ever seen. Shishupal passed classes off of sheer intimidation, threw rocks at the college cats, and supplemented these qualities with his insistence on growing a patchy, horrible, beard and kept his oily, stringy hair long. Worse, there were rumors that Shishupal was even meaner drunk than he was sober, and that once Rukmini had been seen walking away from him clutching her arm and had returned with a scarf wrapped around her shoulders to cover where otherwise might have been a visible pattern of bruises.
The wedding, everyone had agreed, was to be a tragedy, and would only serve to make Shishupal even more insufferable. When the nightly news had aired the extraordinary report of a young woman staging her own kidnapping, apparently begging one of the groom’s family connections to attend her wedding and hold a gun to her head as they walked out, it was widely agreed to be answer to their prayers, and above all a job very well done by the erstwhile bride to be. When it was revealed that the “kidnapper” was Shyam, well, that just made the whole thing even funnier.
When classes restarted, Shishupal prowled with a whole new look -- clean-shaven, and short hair. Rukmini Bhoja was noticeably absent from campus events, but a few months in Shyam had been seen getting off the bus at the station near campus and kissing someone who looked just like Rukmini goodbye.
It seems the rumors about that last bit had found Shishupal too. “Stranger,” he scoffs. “Is that what we’re calling it these days?”
Shyam’s entire body, always loose, always slightly in motion, goes completely stiff. More than Dhananjaya, more than Vrikodara, it is Shyam who now suddenly looks like an apex predator. The crowd, not even the one facing Shyam directly, finds itself taking a step back.
“What exactly is it that we’re calling,” Shyam asks softly -- sound only heard because it’s being picked up by the microphone on the podium awaiting the rest of Dharamraj’s long-forgotten speech.
Shishupal rolls his eyes, sneering. “I’m glad that bitch made such a spectacle of herself when calling off the wedding. I wouldn’t have wanted to marry a whore, you know. Why take seven rounds to get something she sells, no?” He smirks, as the entire group on the dais -- the whole horrible writhing mass of Kurus and their assorted friends and family -- advance as one. “Or, I guess she was the one who was buying,” Shishupal laughs, looking at Shyam who appears to be frozen in place, his face a perfect picture of overwhelming rage. “She paid you to take her, didn’t she? Poor bitch didn’t even think you’d fuck her for fr--”
“SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU SON OF A BITCH!”
Shishupal’s eyes immediately roll up into his skull, as a result of Shyam Yadav’s fist colliding with Shishupal’s jaw. No one bothers to catch the body.
Silence reigns for entire minutes as everyone watches Shishupal, crumpled on the ground. Watches Shyam Yadav, standing over him wild-eyed, with his right hand still in a fist.
“Oh Alexa,” a gentle female voice calls out from the crowd. Everyone turns to stare, open-mouthed, at Rukmini Bhoja standing in the front row, absolutely grinning at this turn of events. She gazes back at them, turning towards Shyam again and laughs. “Alexa this is so sad. Play ‘Mmm Whatcha Say.”
#ok i will say that the idea of rukmini basically organizing her own kidnapping/hit job where she hires krishna to attend and kidnap her at g#thats chefs kiss to me#i cant believe i never thought of that before its t ha t funny#mahabharata#also the mm watcha say gag was too good to not include when he gets clocked the fuck out at the end sorry lol#also i decided to make vasudev only brother-like for kunti#so that subhadra/krishna arent arjuna's cousins lol#also she seems even in canon to be closer to vasudev than her other siblings so we're rolling with it#anyways i hope u like it!!!!#these are all being churned out like stream of consciousness and then i hit publish lol so i have no idea if theyre any good at all#but thank u for the opportunity to put a version of this down on paper#maya writes#avani008#also lol i used none of their traditional names because i thought it would be funnier to give them all long pretentious names that flowed ni#*nice
35 notes
·
View notes
Text
Divine Doctor: Daughter of the First Wife
This has a manhua
at first the manhua was nice like it had great art and everything although really wonky at how they showed the scenes and the actions but I quite liked it. The mc is 12 but somehow looks like 26 idk.
But then the artist kinda changed their art style midway and it was really obvious and nobody liked it. The proportions went whack and they weren’t able to portray it very nice. I stopped reading the manhua when I saw that Feng Yu Heng (who is supposed to be 12 fucking years old) was as tall as a horse that a motherfucking 25 year old man was riding.
that was my breaking point.
I had to leave but I still liked the story so I read the novel
And the novel is so good.
Like yes Yu Heng is Op she’s got her clinic with her and the big guns like her and everything.
I’m into the scheming part of things and there are a few times yu heng does lose and i haven’t read the entire novel so i guess i can’t really vouch for everything.
I also like her relationship with Xuan Tian Ming the ninth prince and her fiance. Because I am so sick of manhua’s and their ‘strong’ female characters getting shoved and pulled by their love interests because motherfuckers don’t know how else to create tension.
Like the novel is aware that she’s only 12 why the fuck would there be tension instead we get a very low key romance of two people who respect and care for each other. I’m here for that shit not the kisses and the long stupid stares. I’m not saying kissing is bad but when the mc says NO its motherfucking NO bitch.
and they play it off with like “oh its okay she likes him anyway” NO
NO IT IS NOT OKAY
because its non consensual ya fucking dolt. It’s just such a pain to read that shit, fucking 15 years old is when they get married off and they write this shit. Learn how to write romance christ.
I read this novel to see the end game because Yu Heng just wants to live happily with the people she cares about but see one of them is tangled up in a political mess and I just like scheming mind games are just my thing.
I would like it if Yu Heng actually dealt with consequences more to ya know show that she’s not fucking indestructible and the part of the nunnery where she went missing was a good show although it didn’t affect her in anyway lol.
So I hope that it stays pretty good, props to Ming’er for not harassing his fiance. I still thing Hua’er is sus don’t mind me. Also props to medical knowledge im a dumbfuck much wow
And so far the princess from the other country is almost as smart and knows how to take up losses so its getting more interesting.
theres fucking 1,100+ chapters and its still ongoing wat the fuck am i getting myself into.
#manhua#chinese novellas#wuxia#shen yi di nu#divine doctor daughter of the first wife#just a short rant about stuff#dont mind me#im going to read how ming'er low key fears yu heng loll#hua'er is sus#like really sus#i want ming'er's mom to give me headpats#dont question me
3 notes
·
View notes
Note
does talking to an anon help about ninjago help? cuz I'm down
DHDKCKGSC YES IT DOES THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR OFFERING YOUR SERVICES
Okay now that I know I won’t be clogging people’s dashes buckle the fuck in my dude and I should stress that I literally would not be talking about this as much as I will be if I didn’t genuinely enjoy the show. I’m gonna go season by season and just Rant
S1 has the serpentine as the bbeg and like, as far as villains go they’re p lit. They’re early enough that they haven’t been done to hell, things are fresh, the characters and dynamics are being fleshed out, and all in all s1 is a pretty solid season. There’s some fuckery that gets brought up re: how the FUCK aging works and what the actual timeline of Ninjago is and how Wu and Garmadon fit into that timeline, fuckery that LITERALLY NEVER GETS RESOLVED IN A SATISFYING WAY BC ITS REVEALED IN A LATER SEASON (s8, dw we’ll get there lmao) THAT THE ONLY REASON THE FIRST SPINJITSU MASTER, WU, AND GARMADON LIVED AS LONG AS THEY DID IS CUZ THEYRE BASICALLY DEMIGODS AND ITS IMPLIED THAT LLOYD WILL ALSO LIVE FOR A LONG ASS TIME WHICH MEANS ONE DAY HES GONNA OUTLIVE ALL HIS FRIENDS AND EVERYONE HE EVER LOVED WHICH IS A FUN THING TO THINK ABOUT AT NIGHT But anyway I digress, s1 also coincidentally introduces Lloyd (he wasn’t in the pilot episodes that set up the rest of the series) and the existence of Evil Dad Garmadon.
S2 is where Garmadon starts acting a lot more Evil and a lot less Dad. He’s the main antagonist for that season, and I actually read somewhere that the show was originally slated to end after s2 which high key explains the fuckery of literally every single season after this lmaooooo. Much like s1, I really can’t find much to complain about, the first two seasons are pretty decent as far as I can remember
Season. Fucking. Three. Where the fuck do I start??? I hate season three for entirely personal reasons revolving around the STUPID GODDAMN ROMANCE WRITING. okay lemme back up and explain a thing first so, Jay is dating Nya and they’re fine, they’re going steady, aND THEN????? THE BEGINNING OF THE SEASON INTRODUCES BULLSHIT LOVE TRIANGLE FUCKERY FOR ZERO GODDAMN REASON, BITCH I HATE LOVE TRIANGLES AND I HATE THEM EVEN MORE WHEN THEYRE DONE FOR NO GODDAMN REASON!!! AND THEN. AS IF THAT WERENT ENOUGH. THEY SHOEHORNED A ROBOT ROMANCE BETWEEN ZANE AND PIXAL AND I KNOW I RANTED ABOUT THIS A LITTLE BIT WHEN I WAS ACTUALLY WATCHING BUT I DIDNT GO INTO ENOUGH DETAIL!!!! THEY MADE THE OTHER NINJA OOC IN ORDER TO PROP UP THEIR SHIP!!!!!! AND AT ONE POINT ZANE GOES “its like we were…made for each other” AND I HAD TO FUCUCJDHVE I HAD TO SCREAM INTO A PILLOW BRO, IM SO TIRED!!!! NO THE FUCK YOU WERENT!!!!!! YOU WERE MADE FOR YOU AND PIXAL WAS MADE FOR PIXAL AND IF YALLS WANNA BANG BOLTS THATS FINE BUT DONT IMPLY THAT EITHER OF YOU WERE MADE INCOMPLETE!!!! THATS AN INSULT TO YOUR MAKERS AND YOURSELVES, MOVE ON, PLEASE AND THANK YOU. anyway that season also killed Zane (for the first time, but not the last) (spoiler alert lmao) and like, not to be an emotional little shit but I did cry a bit at his funeral.
S4 is honestly one of my favorites, even though the romance crimes continue (the love triangle bullshit is continuing and honestly I maintain that Cole, Nya, and Jay should all have gotten together and in my personal canon they DID, and also Kai has a forced romance) the VILLAIN makes up for it imo. He’s campy!! He’s funny!! He’s a clown!! He’s serious enough that if he says “I’m gonna kill you” HE MEANS IT and that’s so fucking refreshing!!!! S4 is honestly 8/10 just for the villain alone, don’t like that it retconned the SHIT out of the elemental masters and how many different elements there are TO master but eh, it’s ninjago, shit is stupid.
S5 was…interesting? OH WAIT I FORGOT TO MENTION THAT S3 INTRODUCED A GARMADON WHO WAS A LOT LESS EVIL AND A LOT MORE DAD, HONESTLY I THOUGHT IT TOOK A LOT OF THE FLAVOR OUT BUT THATS JUST ME LMAOOO. anyway s5 killed Garmadon, and I was a little sad cuz I like him okay??? I just think he’s NEAT, he’s got big dad energy, he was teaching Lloyd some shit that just got DROPPED and literally was never brought up again which is honestly a theme in Ninjago. Ninjago drinking game: take a shot every time they introduce a plot point or ability and drop it at or before the end of the season. WHICH THEY ALSO DID IN S5 WITH A DIFFERENT POWER ACTUALLY, so all the ninja are masters of Spinjitsu right, well s5 introduced the concept of Airjitsu which only Spinjitsu masters can learn and it lets them FLY and they used that for seasons 5 and 6 and then they nEVER BROUGHT IT UP AGAIN EVEN THOUGH IT WOULDVE COME IN HANDY FOR S E V E R A L DIFFERENT SITUATIONS ACROSS THE SEASONS, ONE OF THEM WOULD BE FALLING TO THEIR DOOM AND MY ASS WOULD BE YELLING “YOU CAN FLY, DUMBASS” - anyway, they do that again later lmao it’s fine. But what’s low key NOT fine is they made Nya the WATER NINJA!!! Like I’m not mad she has powers, except I kinda am, she was doing just fine as Samurai X and honestly the only reason she has super special ninja powers is for plot reasons. Also Cole got turned into a ghost, but by s7 he’s????? No longer a ghost????????? And that’s NEVER addressed or reasoned away, so like. Cool lmao
S6 didn’t happen. Like, canonically, s6 ends with wish fuckery that undoes the entire season and none of the characters remember anything that happened except Jay and Nya because S6 is the season where they get back together so they remember all those events for???? Feelings reasons?????? Unclear, moving on. The actual bbeg for S6 was a djinn with a vaguely Spanish accent, and to this DAY I don’t know why they made him have a SPANISH accent. Djinn are Arabic, not Spanish!! They’re not central or South American, either!!!! Your villain design makes no sense, do better
S7 had MORE time fuckery, and retconned what happened to Kai and Nya’s parents and hmmmhmhmhmhmhm that makes me Upsetti Spaghetti :3 not just the retconning, but the fact that they LITERALLY brought them back oNLY TO NEVER MENTION THEM AGAIN!!!!!! LITERALLY!!!!!!!! Okay so at the VERY very beginning, like pilot episodes beginning, Kai talks about their dad like he died/left fairly recently, BUT s7 contradicts that and claims that both of their parents were essentially abducted when Kai and Nya were little kids, which makes me question what in the fresh fuck two little kids were doing for all those years alone. SETTING THAT ASIDE FOR A HOT SECOND, their parents were also apparently good friends of Wu’s and old war buddies (from the Serpentine wars, which is YET ANOTHER bit of the timeline that doesn’t quite add up but honestly I could make a whole other post about that shit). But if they were such good fucking friends, why didn’t Wu check in every now and again??? What the fuck was Wu doing that was so fucking important that he couldn’t have been assed to visit his friends ONCE in like TEN MOTHERFUCKING YEARS and realize “oh shit, they’re not here and there are two tiny children running around unsupervised…My Kids Now : )” LIKE????? WU YOU LOW KEY SHOULDA LOOKED OUT FOR YOUR FRIENDS’ KIDS BETTER, THEY COULDA DIED BRO!!! Uhhhh the time fuckery also results in Wu getting yeeted ahead in time a bit and the ninja gotta find him
Season. Eight. I have…mixed feelings about this one. The beginning absolutely SLAUGHTERED me, and not in a “this is so fucking funny” way. No, the beginning made me feel like I was being flayed alive with just about every episode because Ninjago was back on its forced romance bullshit and this time it was Lloyd’s turn on the chopping block. That hurt my soul cuz like, look at that mans color scheme, he’s CLEARLY alloaro, why are you forcing romance on my aro man, why would you hurt me like that, BUT ALSO BECAUSE HE AND THE GIRL HE WAS BEING SET UP WITH HAD A LITTLE HEART TO HEART REALLY EARLY ON AND IT WAS THE MOST QUEER CODED SHIT!!!! IT DEADASS READ AS A CONVERSATION BETWEEN AN OUT AND PROUD QUEER AND A CLOSETED QUEER AND THEY MADE!!! IT!!!!! STRAIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!! The only thing that kept me watching at first was wanting to find Wu, and then I started enjoying myself once Cole found a plot-relevant baby and had fatherhood thrust upon him. Everything went from “ehhhhh” to “holy shit this FUCKS” once it was revealed that Rumi (Lloyd’s love interest) wAS PLAYING HIM THE WHOLE TIME AND WAS EVIL AND HAD AN EVIL GIRLFRIEND!!!!!! LITERALLY IMPROVED EVERYTHING ABOUT THE SEASON FOR ME, I COULD EVEN FORGIVE THE WHOLE “let’s resurrect Garmadon, but as evil as possible” BULLSHIT!!!!!!
S9 is a continuation of s8, Garmadon is back and 1000% Evil, 10% Dad, but none of the Dad energies is directed at Lloyd - it’s all directed at Rumi, and honestly I could write a whole ass post on just RUMI cuz that’s honestly my DAUGHTER and I LOVE HER and I’m MAD SHE DIES AT THE END OF THIS SEASON!!!! SHE DESERVED THERAPY AND TO LIVE WITH HER GF AND MAYBE SOME CRIME. AS A TREAT. RUMI DESERVED BETTER AND LOW KEY IM GONNA WRITE A FIC ABOUT IT, BUT ANYWAY WHERE WAS I
Ah right, so s9 has the four major Ninja stuck in the original dimension with no way home, while Lloyd has no powers (cuz he almost died last season) and has to somehow lead a resistance against Garmadon (who has taken control of Ninjago City and is working on the rest of Ninjago). Actually, s9 is pretty cool. Like, the end of s8 and into s9 are low key my favorite episodes, and I kinda wanna rewatch them now -
S10 is a FUN one. Garmadon got got last season, but he didn’t DIE, so he’s in cold storage and now there’s Another Threat and he’s the only one who knows wtf they’re up against so they let him out and he works with them. The funny part is, he is still Very Much Evil and doesn’t quite Get emotions like he did when he was, uh, human lmao, sO HE WOKE UP EVERY DAY DURING THAT SEASON AND DECIDED TO CAUSE PROBLEMS ON PURPOSE. IT WAS THE FUNNIEST FUCKING SHIT. 1000000/10 MY FAVORITE GARMADON, he ended that season by literally fucking off into Ninjago and they never decided to track him down 😭😭😭😭😭and I’m so SAD about it dude
S11 has another Serpentine as the bbeg, though in the setup to that they retconned how the fucking Serpentine tribes and history work??? I think???? Also Wu was a good 150% angrier and generally Done with the ninja’s shit, which was honestly refreshing tho I’m not quite sure I liked what the refreshed view was, but whatever lmao. S11 also had the ninja get yeeted to the dimension farthest from Ninjago, and honestly - okay, so they didn’t all go at the same TIME, Zane left about a week or two before the others did but there was time dilation fuckery afoot which I’m not too mad about cuz low key it makes sense. What I AM mad about is that they didn’t play the angst up to its full POTENTIAL!!!!!! Zane was EVIL in the other dimension!!!! Okay so I’m Ninjago he was only gone for maybe a week or two, but DECADES had passed in the other one, and all that time Zane was alone and disconnected from everyone he knew and loved, with a staff that boosted his power while slowly corrupting him and Turning Him Evil to help him, and like???? The thought of Zane trying to find a way home, trying to get SOME sort of message back, while he has to use the staff more and more to help him survive the long, lonely decades, so that by the time his family DOES show up its too late??? BRO. B R O. THAT JUST HITS DIFFERENT, BUT NINJAGO DIDNT DO THAT!!! THEY MADE HIM EVIL DUE TO MEMORY WIPE!!!!!! MEMORY WIPE IS BABY SHIT COMPARED TO A LONG, SLOW CORRUPTION!!!!!!
S12 was alright. It went into Cole’s mom, touched on some of the adventures she had had, threatened another forced romance (this time on poor Cole, just leave my mans ALONE) but thankfully didn’t follow through this time, introduced cool new powers that honestly hasn’t been elaborated on since that’s the most recent season I think lmao
Anyway thanks for reading and letting me rant!!!! I have,,So Much More I could talk about, PLEASE ask me about Rumi, some of my headcanons re: Garmadon and Wu’s dynamic, the Serpentine, my top five times they butchered Kai’s character for Plot Reasons, or anything else I brought up here that you want me to elaborate on!!!
#technical talks#ninja hoe#ask dadzawa#nonnie#this was honestly therapeutic tysm#and it let me kill time before I play Mario kart so bonus points!!#I definitely forgot to mention A Lot (like all the times one or all of the ninja lost their powers)#so like!!! feel free to bug me for more shit!!!!
1 note
·
View note
Text
A PALE BLUE GHOST
over on the discord, i announced my decision to make another trip to the Edge to try my luck at finding any kind of clue that could help me make sense of it. patrick gave me a whole lot of lip about not using his fucking mirror and other bullshit, but ill save that for another post. this is a lot more fresh and painful for me.
going back outside was a mistake.
i journeyed the five hours it took to get to the impenetrable black wall of the Edge. my plan was to walk down its length, survey anything unusual, you know. obviously i wouldnt have been able to observe all of it in one day as ive mentioned the area it covers is rather large, but i felt some effort was better than none at all, and i wasnt exactly comfortable with the idea of spending the night this far away from the house. simple enough right? there was nothing out of place on the way out here, so i hardly expected what i saw just as i approached the wall.
it was jeff. sort of.
when i first saw him, he appeared almost like a reflection of me in the blackness. as i stepped closer to the wall, so did he step forward as well - until eventually seeming to step out of the wall entirely. we stood face to face, a mere foot apart, and i noticed then that his entire being was tinted with a pale blue.
i was terrified. i wanted to run away, but i couldnt make myself do it. so i asked timidly, "what are you doing here?"
jeff seems to come alive then.
"what? you told me to grab some stuff for the video today."
fucking bastard. i was still scared, but somehow i just knew he was mocking me. i frown, reaffirming my stance. i had to ask myself if jeff would even do such a thing to me...and then i figured yeah, probably - ghost or not.
"dont you dare pull that bullshit on me," i said, "those days are long gone." and they were.
jeff laughs. "don't you miss it? simpler times." he splays his hands out like an offering. "cant be all that bad to pretend, for a little while."
i squint my eyes at him - both of them. these days i dont bother wearing an eyepatch, since the point was for evans comfort to begin with. now it doesnt matter that i have a gaping fucking hole in my head for all to see.
i ball my fists at my sides. "i dont have time to pretend, and i dont have time for this conversation - so lets get to the point. why are you here?"
"to see my old friend again! and to tell you there's always more than meets the eye." jeff then taps a finger underneath his left eye, and a phantom pain throbs in my own empty socket. i try to ignore it.
"yeah, no shit," i say, and cross my arms. i was losing my patience. "if you're just going to spout vague nonsense at me like every other motherfucker does on a constant basis, i'm sorry to say but i will have to pass. i have more important things to do."
"like stand in front of this wall and bitch? is that what you're doing here?" jeff grins, and tilts his head at me. i just scoff, and deciding i had enough, i begin trying to do what i came to the wall for in the first place and begin walking parallel to it. jeff follows after me.
"im only bitching because here you are to distract me," i say, side-eyeing him, "so if you don't mind, kindly fuck off."
"i do mind, actually. why do you even want to leave? its paradise in here. no need to eat or drink, perfect climate, no irritating neighbors or awkward staredowns at the grocery store- you'd love it!"
i stop in my tracks. i hate that the sound of his voice is enough to get me to actually consider his words. but i do, and then i say:
"you know, for a while there, i did enjoy it. to an extent, anyways. you can only enjoy so much when you are all too aware of every little fucking thing. and maybe i could have handled the ghost thing, right? like you said, no neighbors or weird interactions. but then i saw this wall, and now i feel like a trapped animal - and im not okay with that."
"so if you couldnt see the wall, it'd be fine?"
i shake my head, "i came out here the first time to see if i could leave, and i wouldve kept walking if there was nothing to stop me. maybe i would have returned, after a while, had i done so. maybe not." i shrug, somewhat frustrated at the thought. "a wall is a wall, whether i can see it or not. seeing isnt the problem, the existence of the thing is."
"well yeah, but you can't just leave." jeff says it like its obvious. in hindsight, maybe it was. i could already imagine a few reasons as to why, but i wanted to pry out what jeff seems to think the answer is.
so i ask, "and why is that?"
jeff answers: "because there's...people, out there? like, innocent fuckin people, dude." well duh.
i roll my eyes, "im aware. but what does that have to do with me, exactly? habit is already somewhere else doing god knows what."
jeff looks on blankly. "we don't need two of you out there."
ouch. and unfortunately, on some level i believe it to be true. and the implication that i would intentionally hurt or even kill anyone like habit would...im sadly all too aware of the likelihood, really. it doesnt hurt because i feel bad, it hurts because i dont. however, i wasnt about to let this guy know that.
i say, "it's not like id be very social anyways. at this point, i dont think i could even stomach it."
jeff takes on a darker sort of air about him. "evidently so, based on how you treated evan. do you have your head screwed on straight, dude? because like, holy shit was that hard to watch."
i tense up, and i can feel a spark of anger rising from within me. guess it didnt matter what i tried to hide, jeff knew what weak points to hit.
"i was just trying to protect him."
"uh huh," he nods, "sorry vinny, but you're not the guardian in this one."
"clearly," i grumble, "but i was fucking trying, okay?" i was trying. jeff thought otherwise.
"yeah, trying to get everyone killed. thanks for that one, by the way. you've been self absorbed, irresponsible, reckless and horrible to everyone around you that isn't the entity playing games with our lives, and you can't keep pretending it's not true! do some soul searching. meditate. i don't care. but you're not leaving any time soon, so you'd better get used to it." jeff jabs me in the chest with a pointed finger.
it didnt take but a moment to process jeffs words, and ultimately, i agree with him. im a terrible fucking person. i just am. but i wasnt going to give jeff the satisfaction of me fessing up to it - because i felt like all of this was beginning to become unproductive bullshit and i wanted to do what i came all the way out here to do dammit.
i go to smack jeffs hand away from me, but i come to find that i simply pass through him like he was air. i felt the jab, though, even if superficially. this confirms my suspicion about the ghost thing, but jeff was different from the ghosts in the town; like being able to talk and acknowledge my existence.
i take a step back, "we'll see about that. who the fuck made this wall, hm? you of all things must know right? since you are apparently a plethora of knowledge of good and evil now. can you do that much for me jeff?"
jeff considers my words before he turns away from me to face the terrible wall, his hands on his hips, and his head craning back to presumably observe the wall's endless climb into the sky above.
"habit designed this gaudy architecture as part of his grand scheme. you probably could have figured that much, eh? but what you wouldnt know is that its been here since the very beginning, before you even arrived at the house." he looks back at me, "come on vin. you should know by now that habit is well prepared...even if this timeline is bonkers. you shouldnt need me to tell you that."
i grumble in annoyance, but consider his words carefully. sure, maybe i didnt need him to tell me habit was a suspect in all this, and maybe i could have figured that out just by doing what i had originally planned with scouting the perimeter of the wall. but...here jeff was, telling me things outright. it was a convenient time saver really, even if he was going about it in a bitchy way. i needed to take advantage of this.
"so, if habit made this cage to keep me in, why shouldnt i try to break out? why shouldnt i try to fight his subjugation?"
"one, because habit has eons of experience over you and you'll likely fuck something up really badly," jeff says, and turns towards me again. "two, you're part of this place now. removing you would shatter a really delicate balance. the house is a place of fluctuation, because there's not enough power to sustain herself. and you're radiating power, dude. would you really just abandon her like that, after all she's done to keep you safe and alive?"
ouch again...ugh. i dont usually feel guilty over a lot of things, but jeffs second point seemed to get to me.
i relent. i cower my head to stare at the ground. "i wouldnt have left her forever."
jeff gives me a disappointed sigh. "go back home, man. she's really worried about you."
i bite my lip and give the slightest of nods. i still want to do what i can to escape, and i hadnt forgotten about why i came to the wall in the first place...but jeff's words had me thinking about my desires for the house. in truth, the house and i have formed a strange sort of...i dunno, friendship? its the closest human word i can think for it. i would talk to her, she would listen. id even clean up her rooms, even though ive observed that she can do it by herself.
i think she may be the only thing in this world that can understand me now.
so i feel like in some weird way, the house cares about me. she has done quite a few favors for me, after all; favors that kept me safer. jeff was right again, and i couldnt shake the wrongness of abandoning the house enough to continue talking my way out of this bind.
it was time to go then. but first, i look back up at jeff.
"what about you?" i ask, my mood seriously taking a nose dive off a cliff. sad and desperate and pathetic and lonely. "you came all this way from wherever, however you did it, to tell me all this...are you going to leave me now too, just like evan?" fuck. "i wouldn't blame you if you did...but i have to admit, it was nice seeing you again."
and truthfully, it was - despite the treatment i received. its fine. i deserved it.
jeff leans in, and i can feel the pity in his eyes as he puts a hand on my shoulder.
"that choice isn't mine to make."
and then he shoves me away from the wall with a force that sends me tumbling across the ground a good few feet. i think it fucked up my shoulder. its fine. deserved that too.
and then i went home.
>>
19 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
who-needs-a-pinky
Zer0
heyjimsworld
things i like
goofygecko
Goofy Gecko
elisatattooinspiration-blog
Elisa's Tattoo Inspiration
menpackages
manpackages