that was lupin iii episode zero: first contact!

outfit count: 6

disguise count: 5

𝐂𝐀𝐓 𝐆𝐎𝐓 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐓𝐎𝐍𝐆𝐔𝐄? ฅ 𝐥.𝐣𝐧

summary: your mother always told you a lot as a child — about how you should always be kind to others, to always watch out for stray kittens in dark allies on your way to school and most importantly, to not judge a book by its cover. you didn’t always listen to her. yet you would have to say your biggest weakness would come in the form of cats. and maybe lee jeno as well. 

pairing: shy!reader + badboy!lee jeno genre: high school!au, fluff<3 word count: 1.8k warnings: language, mentions of disease

author’s note: another one of my blurbs that accidentally turned into a really long drabble hehe i hope the anonnie who requested this enjoys! <3 as always constructive criticism is appreciated and you can request after checking my prompt list.

  just like every other caring parent, your mom went on and on about what she deemed to be important life lessons during your childhood, and even now — about how you should always be kind to others, to always watch out for stray kittens if you pass by the alley next to the flower garden on your way to school and most importantly, to not judge a book by its cover.

you tried your best to listen to her. you really did. but sometimes, people had weaknesses and besides your more than often bouts of procrastination and incessant affinity for watermelon sour patch candies — 

(“if i was your dentist, i’d probably hate and love you,” jisung snickered as you shot him a look of confusion. “‘cause you must have hella cavities but that would mean i could charge you more money! i’m so sm- ow, that hurts (y/n)!” you rolled your eyes after picking up the bag of watermelon sour patches you had thrown at his forehead and ripping it open to pop one in your mouth) 

—  yet you would have to say your biggest weakness would come in the form of cats. cute, fluffy, insanely adorable stray cats.

    although you had your fair share of friends, you preferred to stray away from human interaction (honestly, it was too much of a hassle, you were never really the type to approach people first anyways, your shyness getting the best of you and you preferred it that way), you preferred the company of much smaller, fluffier animals. although your mother always warned you about the dangers stray animals possessed, whether it be how they could carry rabid diseases or put you at risk of bad luck, you stopped hesitating to bring some snacks for the poor, small kittens years ago on your daily walk to school.

    you paused as soon as you heard a small mewl followed by some rustling and shuffled your feet forward, peering into the dark alley before you felt something nudge against your leg. you jumped back, but let out a sigh of relief. you crouched down, holding your hand out for the tiny kitten to nuzzle against.

    you cooed and reached into your backpack, bringing out the cubes of watermelon you had packed earlier before gently offering a piece to the black and white kitten. 

    “what do you think you’re doing?” a gruff voice asked, causing you to flinch and jump back. your head snapped up, only to find the source of the voice to be someone who scared you a lot more than you liked to admit.

lee jeno.

    everyone who knew anyone knew that lee jeno fit in with the cliche archetype of a bad boy. he hung out with his troublemaker friends in a group of seven (including jisung, but how you still managed to be friends with that giant noodle without encountering his friends, you will still never know), with rumors spreading like wildfire amongst your peers of them always being late to school, stirring up mischief with their motorbikes and causing ruckuses during detention. 

you didn’t expect him to be here out of all places.

     he was never the center of all of the attention, preferring to stay behind his loudmouth friends and observe quietly, laughing whenever donghyuck or jaemin would make a joke and joining in with his friends’ antics whenever he felt like it. but make no mistake — the moment anyone saw his muscular arms and the glint in his eye, they knew he wasn’t going to be one to mess with.

    you realized he was staring you expectantly, waiting for an answer but your brain seemed to short-circuit from surprise. you opened your mouth, desperately trying to rack up a response with your pea-sized brain (stupid y/n, why did i have to forget how to speak an entire language right at this very moment?, you groaned internally) before closing your mouth and averting your eyes to the very interesting concrete ground.

“cat got your tongue, sweetheart?” he teased, smirking almost flirtatiously. (you never noticed it but jeno’s ears flushed red, not knowing where this sudden confidence came from. he usually wasn’t the type to flirt… at least not like this in broad daylight with a random pretty stranger. he’d be damned to say jaemin was finally rubbing off on him.)

   you bit your lip, unsure what to say back and cursed yourself for being so awkward. you glanced briefly at his figure, his broad shoulders donning his signature outfit of a black leather jacket, low cut almost hawaiian-looking shirt and ripped skinny jeans (it was literally so sunny outside, how was he not sweating in that? also, did he ever wash that jacket? you could’ve sworn you had never even seen him without it) before pressing your lips into a firm, thin line.

  your eyes fluttered down to the kitty, ignoring him, yet you were struggling to remember how to breathe properly. your friends had always called you shy, albeit approachable, but you never realized how difficult it was for you to just simply talk to someone you actually sort of wanted to talk to until this very moment. why was just saying a single word so hard? and why did it have to be the school’s notorious bad boy here with you out of everyone in this town?

  he frowned, not used to girls blatantly ignoring him, but it wasn’t the first time it happened. he tried to search your face for any sign of recognition, but you were too invested in the cat, or rather, his cat to pay him any attention.

(he’s never been jealous of a cat before but he’d never admit that at this moment, he would’ve liked to switch places with nal. what a nice life it must be for a cat to be fed watermelon all day and be coddled with attention and affection from a pretty girl.)

“how’d you know she liked watermelon?” he asked before bending down. your eyes flickered up until you realized how close he was to you, only a few mere inches away from your body. you shrugged, not trusting your voice to speak.

“nal,” he whispered, bending down to your level, whistling to coax her towards him. she meowed, licking the last bit drop of watermelon juice on her paw before pouncing towards jeno, her fluffy tail looping around his beat-up hightops. his usual stoic expression curled up into a boyish grin as he started petting her and murmuring praises of how adorable she was.

   you could hardly believe your own two eyes. lee jeno, everyone’s picture-perfect example of a bad boy who looked like he walked straight out of the  cheesiest teenage rom-com flick was ... a softie for cats?

never in a million years would you have pictured this in your mind.

   you tried to stifle the laughter bubbling in your chest, but jeno looked up to catch your eyes. heat crept up your spine and consumed your face, causing you to look back down at the kitty who was nuzzling against him again.

“what’s so funny?” he asked, cocking his head and raising his eyebrows.

   you couldn’t help it if your heart decided to do somersaults seeing his innocent expression, resembling that of a confused five-year-old child.

you shook your head before softly asking, “she’s yours?”

   he bit back a grin at finally hearing your voice and reached into his jacket pocket to pull out a silver chain collar with a charm (engraved with “nal”), the silver bell attached to it lightly jingling. how ironic yet fitting, you thought.

“i can’t take her home with me because i’m allergic, so i let her roam around here and visit every day until i can find a place for her to stay,” he explains as he scratches her behind the ear, earning a delightful meow before slipping the chain over her head.

   you took a step back, mentally taking a snapshot of this moment. you couldn’t help but giggle lightly once you realized that jeno and nal looked almost exactly alike, as if nal was jeno in cat form, with her black and white fur adorned with a chain collar looking exactly like his usual monochromatic outfit and worn black leather jacket, not to mention the silver chain bracelets and necklace he wore all the time.

jeno’s head snapped up once again to watch you laugh.

his heart thumped a little harder than he would’ve liked to admit.

“bad boys don’t take care of stray cats,” you say, finally locking eyes with jeno. “especially the bad boys who are allergic to cats,” you smile.

   he shrugged, his boyish grin still etched on his handsome face. (screw handsome, you couldn’t lie — you’ve wondered on more than one occasion how blessed his parents must be to have a son whose looks could rival a professional model’s face.)

you couldn’t help but notice how different he seemed now, looking more like a carefree and lovable child rather than a reckless troublemaker.

“don’t judge a book by its cover, sweetheart,” he said before giving you a wink, starkly contrasting with the way he tried to hide how he scratched his reddening nape afterwards.

he gave one last gentle rub to nal’s head before standing up, getting on his motorbike. he looked back, with a glint of something in his eyes. “need a ride, sweetheart? or the cat still got your tongue?”

you froze in your spot, feeling your face turn hot with embarrassment. you weren’t used to this. it was the school’s bad boy after all.

but you could get used to it.

mustering all the courage inside of your shy mighty heart, you look down at nal and gave her a gentle kiss on the top of her head, letting her nibble on one last piece of watermelon.

“my mother always told me not to judge a book by its cover,” you mused, a hint of playfulness in your voice. “i guess i was wrong about you.”

“i’m y/n,” you added shyly.

jeno’s eyes crinkled into crescents, a genuine smile forming on his face.

“jeno.”

you walked hesitantly up to his bike, and took a seat behind him gingerly.

you let your arms fall to grip the sides of the seat, before jeno shook his head and lifted your hands up to wrap your arms securely around his toned torso. “hold on tight.”

guess your mother was right after all. 

+ bonus blurb!

Now that President Donald Trump has finally said that he’s “all for masks” amid a massive surge in COVID-19 cases, Fox & Friends co-host Steve Doocy on Thursday wondered why wearing a mask to slow the spread of COVID-19 ever became politicized. “For some reason, over the last couple of weeks, a month, masks have become political,” the Fox host remarked during an interview. If he wants to identify that mysterious “some reason,” he needn’t look any further than his own colleagues.Since the beginning of the coronavirus outbreak in the U.S., Fox News hosts and guests have repeatedly criticized face coverings—either by openly mocking them or by claiming mandated mask-wearing is an infringement on personal freedom, particularly by Democratic officials eager to control the population.During an April 24 broadcast of Hannity, for instance, guest host Mike Huckabee and Fox News contributor Trey Gowdy—both former Republican elected officials—groused about a then-new Houston mandate that would fine residents up to $1,000 if they didn’t wear a mask in public, calling it an example of local government “trampling the constitutional rights of American citizens.”“Is this a threat to the long-term life and liberty of the United States and its people?” Huckabee wondered aloud about state and local coronavirus restrictions, prompting Gowdy to make an over-the-top observation about such fines.Trump’s Fox News Cabinet Tells Him the Coronavirus Crisis Is Over“So, if I'm going to imprison you or fine you for not wearing a mask, why can’t I hold you down and vaccinate you against the flu this fall?” Gowdy grumbled. “I mean, you don’t want the flu and COVID-19, so can I involuntarily vaccinate you?”The former congressman went on to compare the possibility of a fine to states giving prisoners early releases due to the pandemic, claiming that you could “go to jail for not wearing a mask but if you kill four dozen women, because of COVID-19, we might let you out.”Days later, primetime star Laura Ingraham—who was actually an early and vocal proponent of mask-wearing—insisted that donning face masks had become a way for Democrats and liberals to enforce incessant panic.“Now Rush Limbaugh made a great point, as he always does, on the radio the other day and he said the virus itself as it weakens and states start reopening, the media that have been selling panic, panic, panic for weeks and weeks and weeks, they have fewer images to sell their hysteria to justify continued lockdowns,” she said on the April 29 broadcast of The Ingraham Angle. “But the masks, well they're kind of a constant reminder. You see the mask and you think, you are not safe. You are not back to normal. Not even close.”Ingraham would continue to suggest mask-wearing was a left-wing power grab over the following weeks. On May 26, she insisted that masks should just be a “temporary thing” but that the goal of her political nemeses is to mandate masks “forever.” The following evening, meanwhile, she insisted a hatred for the “free market” was behind their desire to keep Americans “locked down and afraid.”“They want you masked, not just during the virus, but until the end of time,” she declared. “Because remember, there will always be another potential virus lurking out there around the corner.”Ingraham and her colleagues also politicized face coverings by ridiculing the appearance of those who wore them—namely presumptive Democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden—and suggesting the face coverings signal the sort of supposed effeminate weakness right-wing media often associates with its political enemies. By contrast, the Fox stars said, a mask-free Trump exemplified manly strength. “Biden emerged from his basement for the first time in two months to lay a wreath at a war memorial near his home in Delaware,” frequent Ingraham guest Raymond Arroyo said on May 26. “It was a grim look: He wore a black mask, the dark Ray-Bans. Even his gait was tentative. He projected an image of trepidation, even fear.”After Arroyo framed a maskless Trump as representing “the American spirit of defiance in the face of adversity,” Ingraham chimed in, saying the public doesn’t want to wear masks long-term before claiming Democrats “need that visual to keep people scared.”“But for Joe Biden, it's virtue-signaling,” Arroyo responded. “It’s a way to set himself off from Trump.”Ingraham and Arroyo, of course, weren’t the only ones mocking Biden for publicly wearing a mask. Infamously, Fox News senior political analyst Brit Hume fired off a May 25 tweet showing an image of a masked Biden, with his own caption: “This might help explain why Trump doesn’t like to wear a mask in public.” The post was quickly shared by the president.The following day, Hume said on-air that Biden “looked ridiculous,” claiming that is why much of the public doesn’t want to don a face covering.Claiming that it was unnecessary for the ex-veep to wear a mask since he was outdoors and could maintain appropriate distance from others, the veteran Fox pundit politicized masks by defending the president’s refusal to be publicly seen with a mask.“When he looks at that picture of Joe Biden, he thinks Biden looks ridiculous, and he kind of does, and he doesn't want to look that way,” Hume professed. “And the fact—the fact that he retweeted that tweet of mine, which I certainly didn't expect, suggests that he agrees with what I said. This is why he won't wear a mask. He doesn't want to look funny.”Top-rated host Tucker Carlson, meanwhile, has largely politicized mask-wearing as part of his broader attacks on Democrats, the media, and public-health experts.“The citizens who remain stuck in Los Angeles are effectively hostages of the mayor. [Mayor Eric] Garcetti is demanding that anyone who goes outside for any reason as the heat rises in L.A. must wear a mask,” Carlson huffed on May 15. “It goes without saying there is no science to back up this order or any of Garcetti’s so-called health decisions. In fact, it’s possible that requiring masks outside will not prevent a single person from being infected in Los Angeles. But Garcetti doesn’t care. Anyone who disobeys this order will be punished.”Carlson told his viewers in late March that “of course, masks work,” adding that “everyone knows that” while dinging health officials for initially saying masks are unnecessary, noting that the public understood “there’s a shortage of masks” and don’t want to be lied to.The primetime host once again took issue with Los Angeles’ mask ordinance on May 28, claiming that officials recommending hand-washing meant they “are telling you that your face mask is so dangerous that you must wash her hands thoroughly after touching.”“It's like a bio-weapon,” he exclaimed. “But then you are required to put that same terrifyingly dangerous face mask over your nose and mouth and you are required to do this by law. Good luck, Los Angeles, you don’t deserve this.”Tucker Carlson’s Journey From Coronavirus Alarm-Puller to COVID TrutherThe far-right Fox star also gave voice to so-called “COVID Contrarian” Alex Berenson, a former New York Times reporter-turned-spy-novelist who has recently become a star on the right for his relentless mission to convince the public that a pandemic that’s caused 130,000 Amercan deaths isn’t actually dangerous.“By the way, not a lot of evidence that masks would help,” Berenson told Carlson on June 23. “I know some people are saying it’s because those states don’t have masks. That’s true, how about in Canada where as far as I know mask wearing is not required and has not been a resurgence.”If Doocy needs more examples to answer his question of when masks became politicized, he could view some of what the network’s slightly more buttoned-up “straight news” side had to say about facial coverings.During the May 28 broadcast of Martha MacCallum’s show, the Fox News anchor teased a “hot debate about mask wearing in public,” inviting on a guest to explain how “mandatory masks are not about safety, they are about social control.”“You are going after what you see as masks as an effort to control us and that it's going to become this slippery slope and pretty soon government will be telling us that our lives are changed forever and that we’re going to be wearing these, I guess indefinitely?” MacCallum said.“The point of the masks is to teach people that life won't be going back to normal and we have to accept COVID-related regulations that normally we would really balk at because they infringe upon our constitutional rights or liberties,” said lawyer Molly McCann, who repeatedly appeared on the network to hype her article for right-wing site The Federalist criticizing mandatory facial coverings.Despite the network’s long-documented history of mocking and dismissing and fear-mongering over masks, some Fox News hosts have become loud proponents of donning the facial coverings as a low-cost safety measure.Two pro-Trump hosts, Sean Hannity and Doocy, have begun suggesting that mask-wearing would help states and localities reopen their economies faster and prevent future lockdowns. They both have also seemed to indirectly encourage Trump to publicly wear a mask to set an example from above. And in the early days of the outbreak in New York, even Ingraham encouraged people to wear facial coverings so they could continue going to work, posting tweets showing followers how to make their own facial coverings. “Going back to most jobs after 15 days will require new protocols until this virus burns out—everyone within 6 feet of others MUST wear masks, constant hand washing, gloves, protective goggles if needed,” she wrote on March 23. But even before her about-face on masks, the Fox News host still enthusiastically used the facial-coverings as a political football. “The ‘experts’ are routinely wrong on issues big and small—on wearing masks, on reusable grocery bags… virus modeling and treatments. For years they defended outsourcing to China. So when experts issue edicts, remember their often spectacular record of failure,” Ingraham wrote in April. Read more at The Daily Beast.Got a tip? Send it to The Daily Beast hereGet our top stories in your inbox every day. Sign up now!Daily Beast Membership: Beast Inside goes deeper on the stories that matter to you. Learn more.

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OSCAR 2019 PREDICTIONS: BEST PICTURE

·         BLACK PANTHER

We begin with the first Superhero movie to be nominated in this category.

After the death of his father, T’Challa (Chadwick Boseman) takes his place as King of Wakanda, a fictional African Country that keeps its futuristic technology under wraps from the outside world. It means wearing the mask of Black Panther, a superhero with extra strength and agility. But he finds his throne threatened when Erik Killmonger (Michael B. Jordan) arrives to avenge his father (Sterling K. Brown) and make them answer for their isolationist policies. Now T’Challa will have to confront the sins of his father and question his preconceived worldviews to maintain his place as king.

When it comes to appeal, I notice similarities between this movie and the original Star Trek. Like Star Trek, this film offers an optimistic view of humanity where people are reaching their full potential, making gadgets for the benefit of others. Of course, what sells them is how unique and detailed their worlds are. Wakanda is a paradise where people hold on to their culture and traditions while creating the most advanced technology. They both offer a variety of memorable characters, with Black Panther’s world including T’Challa’s snarky young tech whiz sister Shuri (Letita Wright), his stern head guard Okoye (Danai Gurira) and larger-than-life villain Ulysses Klaue (Andy Serkis).

But like Star Trek, many people are turned off by Black Panther’s delivery. Many couldn’t get into the slow pacing of both franchises, finding them boring.[1] Many also found T’Challa to be too passive a protagonist; lacking a central motivation to drive the story, even those who found him engaging in Captain America: Civil War. There are some who would argue Killmonger was more of a protagonist since he has a clear goal and sets everything in motion. Both Star Trek and Black Panther have been criticized for their lackluster fight scenes and special effects. The fight scenes in Black Panther are certainly a huge set back. The camera is almost always too close and the film edits way too quickly. It looks way different from how director Ryan Coogler shot the boxing scenes in Creed. For that, you have Marvel Studios to blame for their overbearing control over their films and fear of risks. It’s kind of prevents this film from reaching its full potential.

What really annoyed me was the obvious death fake out. It’s a cliché that everyone can figure out and it needs to die.

It’s all in whether you can take the good or the bad.

·         BLACKKKLANSMAN

Based on the true story of the first black cop of Colorado Springs.

After finding an ad in the paper, Ron Stallworth (John David Washington) calls them under the disguise of a disgruntled racist. To pull this off, he has fellow cop Flip Zimmerman (Adam Driver) pass himself off as him to get into the Klan. When the clan plots a bombing, Ron and Flip must race against time to stop them.

From the opening scene of Kennebrew Beauregard flubbing his way through a racist rant, Spike Lee takes a comedic approach to the Klan. When the cops struggle to hold their laughter when Ron calls Klan leader David Duke (Topher Grace), you can’t help but take giddy pleasure in it. Plus, seeing Duke try to act tough in front of Stallworth (not realizing he’s the one whose been calling him) looks silly. But as the film progresses, Lee reminds us that these people are very dangerous people. No one embodies this more than Felix (Jasper Paakkonen), a paranoid, hostile lunatic. Plus, not every Klan member fits the inbred redneck stereotype associated with the Klan, remind us that they could be anyone, even members of the Defense Force. Plus, they have been making a recent comeback as indicated in the final scenes.

Through Ron, Spike Lee takes on the perspective of a black man reforming the system from the inside. Throughout the film, Ron encounters people who challenges him. Student activist Patrice (Laura Harrier) sees the police force as an unfixable racist system. He’s expected to put up with the very racist cop Landers (Frederick Weller). When Ron claims “America will never elect a racist like David Duke” a white cop counters with “Coming from a black man’ that’s incredibly naïve. Wake up.”[2]

I want to conclude with a powerful scene. At a student rally, speaker Jerome Turner (civil rights activist and singer Harry Belafonte) discusses how black men were brutally murdered in lynching after the premiere of Birth of a Nation a 1914 silent film that glorified the KKK while portraying black people in the most vicious stereotypes. Cut to the Klan watching the film with sadistic glee. You could imagine them celebrating a lynching like the fourth of July.

·         BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY

This biopic looks at the life of Freddy Mercury, lead singer of Queen and one of the most charismatic front-men in Rock History.

I’m just going to say it; I hate this movie. A lot. It feels more like a smear campaign than a tribute. It seems to do everything it can to sully the reputation of Mercury, who’s not alive to tell his side of the story. It also embodies everything wrong with biopics.

First, the film tries so hard to fit every event of Queen’s career, but never gives any of the scenes time to develop them. They seemed more focused on fitting Queen songs than telling a good story. If that wasn’t enough, they also try to fit in every cliché found in music biopics. Disapproving parents? Check. Naysayer record executive? Check. Descent into drug addiction? Check. Singer cleaning himself up while learning humility in time to get the band back together for their most memorable concert? Check, Check and Check! This just comes off as lazy.

But what makes this so egregious is the level in which they twist the facts to fit into these clichés. While I get that screenwriters must tweak a person’s life to form a coherent story, but this one is just abusive. Nowhere is this truer than when the band get indignant about Freddy Mercury creating a solo album, accusing him of “killing Queen.” Considering that two of the members already made solo albums before Freddy did, you can’t help but get angry at the hypocrisy. Then they claim this broke up the band, when in real life they only took a break because they were burnt out. But none is worst then when they used Freddy Mercury’s AIDS diagnosis as a motivational tool to bring the band back together[3] in time for Live Aid. What makes this sick is that Freddy wasn’t diagnosed until two years after this concert. How the writers think all this lying is ok baffles my mind.

And then you remember this film got approval from two of Queen’s band members. No wonder, they’re practically portrayed as saints who arrive to work on time, leave parties early to be with their families and never do anything wrong. Meanwhile, Freddy’s character is dragged in the mud, portrayed as an unprofessional, narcissistic junkie. I don’t know what axe the band members they had to grind, but they must be petty to think this is how you treat your friend. Contrast that with Straight Outta Compton, which treated Easy-E with great respect, even with his misguided loyalty to his manager.

I pity the wasted talent of Malek, who gave a much better performance than this film deserved. This film leaves a bad taste in my mouth

·         THE FAVOURITE

Welcome to 18th Century England, where the kingdom is led by Queen Anne (Olivia Colman), a fussy brat trapped in a frail woman’s body. And she’s being led by Lady Sarah (Rachel Weisz), a proper lady who assists her with political decisions...and sexual pleasures. But then comes Abigail, a former lady forced into servitude after her father loses everything. But after healing the Queen’s infected leg, Abigail rises in the ranks, charming the Queen along the way. Thus, begins a battle of will for the favour of the queen. This battle catches the eye nobleman Harley, who seeks Abigail’s help so he can stop the war with France.

Alongside Christopher Nolan, Yorgos Lanthimos is the closest we are going to get to Kubrick. While Nolan’s influences lean toward 2001: A Space Odyssey, Lanthimos clearly draws from Barry Lyndon for this film. Like Kubrick, he presents a cold, distant presences in his films, from the cinematography to the low-key acting. It works for this film with every character maintaining a prim and proper demeanor while hiding their nefarious purposes.

Like Kubrick, Lanthimos has a dark sense of humour that exposes the absurdity of appearances. Throughout the film, we see noblemen and women misbehaving behind clothes door. But the biggest laugh come from the Queen herself. Colman must have been having a blast in this role as she throws one temper tantrums.

Like Kubrick, this director isn’t for everyone.

·         GREEN BOOK

Inspired by a true story.

When the nightclub he works in closes for renovations, Bouncer Tony Lip (Viggo Mortensen) has three ways to earn a living; win multiple eating contests, work for the mob or drive pianist Dr. Don Shirley (Mahershala Ali) across the Deep South for a music tour. He goes for the third choice. At first the two can’t get along, with Don not matching Tony’s preconceptions of black people and Don wishing Tony would try to act classier. But as Tony sees the shit Don must put up with, they come to form a friendship.

It still surprises me that this film was directed by the co-creator of Dumb and Dumber and There’s Something About Mary. But when you think about it, Peter Farrelly is the perfect director for this movie. Some of his films are road movies. If you look past the gross out jokes of his previous films, the biggest laughs come from the interactions between actors. Mortensen and Ali bounce off each other, creating believable interactions both funny and emotional.

It’s worth noting that after Mary, Peter and his brother Bobby tried to use their comedy style to create a more sensitive portrayals of marginalized groups, whether it’s the overweight (Shallow Hal) or conjoined twins (Stuck on You). The problem was they still making fat/disability jokes in between these sentimental moments; trying to have their cake and eat it too. It seems Peter has learned his lesson and turned his target on the type of people who would make fun of those who would make fun of these people. The film goes after Tony’s casual racism as he makes preconceived notions of Don, who serves as the straight man who corrects Tony. The film also takes some jabs at the so-called southern gentleman, exposing their phoniness when one host tries to pronounce Tony’s real name.

But if you take out the two actors, the film isn’t really anything special. It’s essentially Driving Ms. Daisy with the races reversed. You’ll enjoy the interactions, but it’s not as interesting as the other nominees.

·         ROMA

Alfonso Cuaron draws from his persona life to pay tribute to the maid who cared for his family.

Set in 1970s Mexico City, indigenous housekeeper Cleo (Yalitza Aparicio) cleans the house for Dr. Antonio (Fernando Grediaga), his wife Sofia (Marina de Tavira) and their four children Tono, Paco, Pepe, Sofi. She has practically become a member of the family. Their bond is tested when Cleo becomes pregnant and ends up abandoned by her martial arts loving boyfriend Fermin (Jorge Antonio Guerrero).

Slice of life stories must be one of the hardest type of stories to write. There’s no central goals or major conflict running that move the plot forward. There are little conflicts, but it’s just people going on their daily lives. Not only does a filmmaker face the challenge of making it look realistic, but to keep the audience engaged for two hours. Against these odds, Cuaron creates a beautiful portrait of family.

What helps is the actor’s performances. For her first role, Aparicio engages you with her sensitivity even when she’s just hanging clothes. The other actors match her every step of the way, feeling like a real family on screen.

But what truly sells the film is the beautiful black and white cinematography. Never has ordinary life looked so beautiful.

With these and Cuaron’s directing, the mundane becomes unforgettable. You remember the scene of Antonio trying to maneuver his car into the very tight garage. You remember Cleo and her friend running across Mexico City. You remember Cleo and Sofie’s mother picking out a crib. Little moments like these stay with you after you’ve finished watching it.

·         A STAR IS BORN

Jackson Maine (Bradley Cooper) is a country superstar struggling with alcoholism and the effects of tinnitus. Ally (Lady Gaga) is a wannabee songwriter rejected by many record labels for her appearance. One night, Jackson was looking for a place to drink when he stumbles upon Ally singing at a drag bar. After spending a night together, Jackson finds his passion for music rekindled as he helps her musical potential. So as her star rises, Ally finds herself unable to stop Jackson’s downward spiral until it gets to the point where it hurts her career.

Cooper shows a lot of potential in his directorial debut. This being the third remake of the classic 1937 film, he makes the old story feel refreshing and new. First, he uses Ally’s rise to fame to examine the shallow world of modern pop. Ally struggles to maintain her sense of self as a record producer (Rafi Gavron) tries to make her in the image of a pop star.[4] All the time, Jackson keeps reminding her to always have something to say.

Then he makes Jackson a complicated character. A former act, you could imagine Cooper exercising his demons through his character. Never once does he back away from the ugliness of Jacksons addiction, leading to a cringe inducing scene where he humiliates himself at the Oscars. But you come to understand this stems from a troubled relationship with his late father. Plus, he always pushes Ally to do better.

Cooper gets a lot of great performances out of this. He and Gaga have excellent chemistry, making the love between Jackson and Ally feel genuine. A lot of comedians give excellent dramatic performances including Dave Chappelle as Jackson’s friend Noodles and Andrew Dice Clay getting his second wind as Ally’s unfiltered yet supportive father. But the key standout is Sam Elliott as Jackson’s older brother/manager Bobby. In a powerful scene, Bobby berates his brother for idolizing their deadbeat father while never showing him any appreciation for his help.

On second viewing, I noticed the visual style. The colour red shines in moments of passion, starting with Jackson and Ally’s first date. The one little moment where Cooper’s storytelling skills shine is when Jackson makes a ring for her. When he puts it on her finger, all the sound fades out, with only a piano tune heard.

If he can keep this up, he is sure to become an extraordinary director.

·         VICE

Adam McKay seems determined to reinvent the biopic. With the rise of Vice President Dick Cheney (Christian Bale), he decided to experiment with storytelling. First, he has the story told by some middle-class family man (Jesse Plemons), not revealing his identity until late in the film. He uses the narrator to explain how certain aspects of politics work and the consequences Cheney’s politics have on America. Throughout the film, he undercuts the film with skits here and there. There some funny moments like one scene where the film demonstrates Cheney’s power of persuasion with him suggesting to fellow politicians to tie bows to their dicks and flap them around the white house. Other times, they fall flat, especially the post credit sequence. It feels like he was throwing everything at the wall and not even wait to see what sticks.

It doesn’t help that he’s still trying to make a straight forward biopic. Another example of trying to have your cake and eat it too. It results in an uneven, unfocused tone.

What I find interesting about the film is how we watch Cheney progress. At first, he is an alcoholic electrician who blew his chances at Yale. At first, you’re sympathetic to him as his wife forces him to clean himself up. As he goes into politics, he becomes intriguing as he finds himself comfortable as second in command to Donald Rumsfeld (Steve Carell). But when you see his policies and their consequences, your sympathy wanes. Then he grows more and more repulsive, even throwing his daughter Mary (Alison Pill) under the bus so his other daughter Liz (Lily Rabe) can win a Congressional position. You can’t help but feel anger at his actions, especially with the lack of remorse he has for his actions.

Who Will Win?

It’s a one on one between Green Book and Roma. The safe bet seems to be Green Book, but many want Roma to win.

[1] Personally, I thought the lack of motivation in the first hour was necessary for us to understand the traditions T’Challa and his family holds so dear.

[2] While this is a clear shot at Trump, this may as well be referencing Nixon, who stated he started the Drug War because “I couldn’t arrest people for being black.”

[3] Also, does anyone notice the band members never age even though this takes place over a decade?

[4] It’s kind of ironic for Ally to be resistant to flashy gimmicks when Lady Gaga is well known for her over the top costume designs.

Funny To A Point – Heeding The Call In Destiny 2

After years of listening to gamers gripe about how the original Destiny ruined their lives in every conceivable way (even as they logged in hundreds of hours), Destiny 2 is finally here. Does the shiny new sequel provide Bungie with the redemption it doesn’t really need and has never asked for? Seeing as how all the early criticism has focused on the way shaders are used to paint your guardian pretty colors, it seems like the answer is yes. But we all know that the real verdict won’t be rendered until the professional critics weigh in – and we all know that the only professional critic that really matters is ME. Well, fear not, dear readers: Like my hideous Smurfette of a guardian, I am up to the task and ready to save the day!

Full disclosure: I never actually managed to finish the original Destiny. I played for about a week or so when the game first came out, but lost interest when that weird emo prince showed up in the incomprehensible-yet-paradoxically-simple story. My experience with Destiny since then has been downloading every new expansion and then feeling progressively more guilty for not actually playing them.

So what imbues me with the expertise needed to weigh in on Destiny 2, you ask? Well, for starters I was one of the first critics to identify and outline some of the major problems of the first Destiny – I was so early, in fact, that I received a massive amount of hate from the same super fans who would become Destiny’s super haters once they realized I knew what the hell I was talking about. I also cracked Destiny’s biggest secret, which has still eluded everyone else, so I think that makes me the King of Destiny? I dunno. Anywho, let’s get on with it, shall we?

Note: You can click on any of the pictures for a better look at whatever misadventures are being documented.

Destiny 2’s opening cinematic lays out the series’ plot like it’s reading a picture book to a child, and it’s a decision that I wholly appreciate. At this point, all I really remember about the first game is that a giant ping-pong ball gave my zombie soldier some sweet superpowers, which I used to kill a bunch of angry aliens as I searched for shiny balls engrams to score more loot. The intro doesn’t contain any huge revelations (“a mysterious good force is fighting a mysterious evil force!”), but I no longer felt the need to look up a plot synopsis on a Destiny fan wiki after watching it, and for that I’m eternally grateful.

Actually, Destiny 2’s intro did contain one particularly rude revelation: Because I didn’t max out my Destiny 1 guardian (I’m going to go ahead and blame Prince Creep for that), I can’t import her into the sequel. So as far as I can tell, from a lore perspective my original guardian gets blasted to smithereens during the cabal attack that kicks off Destiny 2. Not being able to carry over my character isn’t a huge loss, but it does undermine the fantasy a bit:

The Speaker: “You are the chosen Guardian, who will rise from the dead and save humanity from the galaxy’s greatest thr–“

*BLAMMO!!!* [Guardian’s head explodes into a fine mist.]

The Speaker: [Shuffling over to the next corpse] “Ahem…You are the chosen guardian…”

Anyway, with my old guardian now super-forever dead, I resign myself to creating a new character from scratch. I go with the Hunter class, because like me they are crafty and roguish and it’s my fantasy world so I’ll believe whatever I want! I also opt for a female Awoken, because humans are boring and robots are probably going to kill us all one day and I don’t need to be reminded of it every time I pull the trigger. At this point I realize I’ve remade all the same class choices I did in the first game, so I decide to just remake my character entirely. Think you’re getting rid of my guardian that easy? Think again!

Creating a character in a game usually turns into an all-night affair for me, as I obsessively shift every slider back and forth to its extremes before settling on the default position. Not so in Destiny 2! You get to create the exact hero of your dreams – by choosing from 7 stock faces and a handful of the ugliest hairstyles imaginable, because apparently the barbers were the first ones to be killed off in the apocalypse. Normally my wife weighs in on every minute detail during the character creation process, but the only feedback she offers me about Destiny 2’s limited options is that one hairstyle in particular makes my character “look like a heathen.” I’m not even sure what that means.

This just looks like Conan The Barbarian’s haircut to me, though come to think of it he probably was a heathen, so I guess she was right after all.

I opt for a crazy space mohawk instead, then move on to the face tattoos, which are always being as pointless and ill-advised in character creators as they are in real-life. Even so, Destiny 2 sets a new low bar for the extraneous category. Once again, I imagine an intern – possibly the same one who made Andromeda’s preset faces for BioWare – whipped them up in a matter of minutes.

Intern: “Hey, here are some face dots.”

Bungie Employee: “…You mean freckles?”

Intern: “Nah man, just face dots.”

Bungie Employee: “Alrighty then. Next!”

Somehow my guardian ends up looking vaguely like Margaery Tyrell, if she was thrown into the Mad Max universe and also purple for some reason. As totally rad as that sounds, I immediately regret every decision I made as soon as she pops up in the first actual cutscene – the gaming equivalent of getting dressed in the dark and then realizing you’re wearing your wife’s shirt as soon as you step out into the sunlight.* My wife also didn’t seem impressed, simply stating, “she looks quite striking,” which I assume is a polite euphemism for fugly. But whatever – at least it’s time to finally start playing!

Destiny 2 wastes no time getting into the action; after a brief cutscene starring the three characters from the first game that actually had faces, players are thrust into battle against a new faction of turtle-looking enemies called the Cabal. The Cabal are hellbent on destroying The Last City, which would normally be the name of a piece of armor or some robot butler in a Bungie game, but in this case it’s an actual city. Come to think of it, the Cabal is also a perfectly adequate name for an enemy faction…has Bungie lost its edge?!

What the heck are the space moles from Mass Effect doing in Destiny? And why are they so mean?!

The gameplay opens with your guardian returning to The Last City after some kind of patrol (or a sandwich run for we all know), and landing on the outskirts of the siege. I spend a few minutes of getting reacquainted with the controls, which includes immediately throwing a grenade at my feet and blasting away half my health. From there it’s on to the first battle, though things don’t go quite how I expect.

Even after all these years, I still remember my first open-ended skirmish in Halo; how dynamic the battle felt, and how the A.I. enemies seemed to be thinking and reacting for themselves. In contrast, much of the opening level in Destiny 2 feels more like Disney’s It’s A Small World ride than an FPS, as you’re guided from one small murder diorama to the next. Even for a self-grenading chump like myself, the initial enemies you face are about as threatening as the paper silhouettes at a shooting range, taking a step or two and then waiting politely for you to shoot their heads into some kind of ghost vapor. On the positive side, the controls feel as silky smooth as ever, and the first two guns I picked up were called Origin Story and The Last Dance, so at least Bungie’s still got it!

After a few more underwhelming encounters, the game’s seamless co-op kicks in – another guardian is just over the ridge and is in need of reviving! I’m not sure how he managed to die during this dog and pony show, but by the time I get over to him, a third player has him back up on his feet. It’s the thought that counts though, right?

Our improvised trio rallies around the bald dude who despite being a blue alien is always going to be Captain Daniels to me and anyone else who has seen The Wire (to my wife he’s the captain from Fringe, which is basically the same role only with parallel universes thrown into the mix). Daniels tells me that I should stay behind his shield, but I get annihilated by an incoming missile before it’s even deployed. So that’s how my co-op buddy died…

The Night King shows up in Destiny 2, but apparently he’s a good guy now.

One of my anonymous pals revives me and we hunker down and fight off a few waves of enemies together. It’s a cool, ships-passing-in-the-night kind of moment that reminds me of Journey, albeit with more guns and grenades and slaughtering aliens as they mindlessly funnel into my murder canal.** Once the assault ends, I turn to wave to my teammates, only to see that they have disappeared without so much as a goodbye –apparently manners were also a casualty of the apocalypse.

I move onto the next area and run into another NPC who I should probably know from the first game, but she promptly tells me that she’s going to “kick the Cabal where it hurts,” and then jumps onto the nose of a spaceship and disappears. I assume she’s talking about their space nards, though that’s an assumption in and of itself – how does she know the Cabal are males? Way to assume their gender, only human lady left on whatever planet this is. Seriously, is this Earth? Whatever. On to the next fight!

The next encounter actually gives me a run for my money, thanks to one enemy in particular: Pashk, The Searing Will. I know that’s his name because I actually took extra damage just to grab a screen of it.

No wonder he’s fighting so hard – people have probably made fun of his name for his whole life!

Unfortunately for him, Pashk is no match for Ode To An Unbroken Heart, which is the name I just gave my melee knife because two can play that game, Bungie!

With Pashk’s searing will extinguished, I head onto the next area, only to trigger a cutscene that introduces Destiny 2’s villain: a massive Cabal warrior named Ghaul. Well, mostly massive – his tiny bald head makes him look like a dude in a mascot suit who took his head off for a breather. Also, what is with villains wearing masks that distort their voices? Have we learned nothing from Bane?

I’m sorry, a world without what? Work on your enunciation, Ghaul! Also, why yo head so tiny?

Regardless, Ghaul gives a little speech about how puny guardians are, then drives the point home by planting his foot in my face and kicking me off of the magic tower we were trying to defend. As if that’s not bad enough, he also puts some kind of massive chastity belt on the ping-pong ball Traveler, which sucks away all the guardians’ superpowers. Talk about rude!

Despite just being a regular alien lady again, my guardian somehow survives the stories-high fall off the magic tower – though I guess that’s probably because it wouldn’t be much of a game otherwise (“And so the final guardian perished, and the might Cabal took over the galaxy. Thanks for playing!”). I limp out of the burning city with only a pistol, shooting some strange spikey dog creatures that also barf up their souls when they die (seriously, what kind of bullets are you shooting in this game?). Eventually a woman with a hawk shows up and invites me back to her village, which serves as the game’s first social hub. By that point in the evening my narcolepsy starts kicking in, and I repeatedly fall asleep while kicking around a giant soccer ball, only to wake up a few minutes later to sight of my character being nuked for wandering out of bounds – always a good time to call it quits.

You thought I was joking about falling asleep, didn’t you? Think again!

While Destiny 2’s opening doesn’t leave the strongest impression (even by tutorial-level standards), it contains at least a few sparks of Bungie’s patented dynamic combat, and does a much better job setting up a story and villain than the first game. And while I wasn’t particularly blown away by anything in my first night (well, except for the out-of-bounds limit), my subsequent play sessions have been more emblematic of what Destiny 2 strives for: tense and challenging fire fights against formidable enemies; an addictive loot loop that has me switching up my arsenal at a satisfying pace; and fun public events that you can jump into during the final few seconds and still nab the rewards. There’s also the PvP that I’m sure I’ll get obliterated in, and co-op strikes and raids if I can ever get Jeff Cork to put down Path of Exile and play with me (oh how the tables have turned).

Oftentimes in my column I tend to either gush endless praise for a game or take a big dump on it, but so far Destiny 2 hasn’t elicited anything quite so extreme from me. I’m enjoying the combat and the sense of progression, despite the fact that my character feels more like a mute marionette puppet than a super hero (seriously, a silent protagonist? In 2017?). And while I’m enjoying the game more and more every night, I don’t know that I’ll be one of those crazy people who plays it obsessively for years on end.

Anyway, I continued writing down more impressions and anecdotes in the subsequent play sessions, but rather than weaving them all into a(n even) long(er) and (more) boring narrative, I’ll just throw them in with some pictures and videos, and use the extra time to play more of the game. If that’s not a ringing endorsement, I don’t know what is!

Few games take the term “monster closet” more literally than Destiny 2. It’s seriously just a door with mysterious black smoke!

The European Dead Zone is like a taxi zone at the airport – ships are constantly coming in and dropping aliens off on the same street. You’d think they’d have a better invasion plan.

All joking aside, Bungie serves up some awesome sci-fi environments every now and then.

The hawk lady seems pretty cool. Even if she fell for the face dots.

Titan looks like an awesome neon-blue planet when you view it on the map, but it turns out it’s just Mother Base. Also, what’s with all these potato-chip bags?!

Sometimes Destiny 2’s combat suffers from the level design, with enemies funneling into murder canals because it’s the only path through the environment. Then again, sometimes it’s also fun to rack up a billion headshots in a row.

I ran across these two little frog aliens, which I’m assuming are Destiny’s equivalent of Statler and Waldorf. I’m hoping they play a big role in the story later on.

Not to get too deep into spoiler territory, but Cayde’s torrid love affair with this chicken is as emotionally touching as it is sexually graphic.

There are a lot of big balls in Destiny 2. Just saying.

Seriously, they’re all over the place.

Bungie says the EDZ is the biggest zone they’ve ever created, but I don’t know how that’s possible when every rig on Titan contains an endless sprawl of identical rooms and corridors. One time when I was hopelessly looking for an exit, I ran into a big knight-looking dude and received a Lost Sector banner when I defeated him. In my case the “Lost” was quite literal. Also, does anyone else find it weird that Titan is a class in Destiny 2 and also a planet? Too many Titans, Bungie!

I don’t even want to know what that is.

Breaking news: The totally useless spaceships return in Destiny 2! They’re not fooling anyone, but they do make for a pretty snazzy-looking loading screen.

Everyone spawns into the same location on The Farm, making you look like some horrific, multi-headed mutant. The extra arms would probably come in handy during battle, though.

I was super excited when I got sword from a treasure chest. A sword! Then I found out it’s some kind of weird magic sword that needs ammo. How the hell is that better than a rocket launcher?!

And finally, it’s not a sci-fi game if you don’t have floating rocks – and also point out said floating rocks to the player via NPC dialogue. In this case, ghost speculates that they’re caused by some kind of Hive magic. How’s that for science fiction!***

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Funny To A Point – Heeding The Call In Destiny 2 was originally published on Tech News Center The Digital Generation