(some) gender nonconforming and androgynous characters in asoiaf

much thanks to @staysail who was the advisor and co-conspirator for this post <3

marichat

HDSJKSKS IM DYING THATS SO. YEAH EXACTLY

the doctor bringing rose to the upper city of new new york, the world of ‘cocktails and glitter’ versus him bringing martha to the slums, the ‘under-city’, the dirty and dangerous part of the city

MAGUIRETOBEY → MUNSONMETAL → HEROEDDIEMUNSON

i know i JUST changed my url the other day but then @malewifesteve had this url and i grabbed it because i mean!!!!!!!! hes a hero!!!!!!!!!!! also its a fun canon url :) anyway sorry to change my url agains djsdnlkf

tagging mutuals below, signal boost if you would like!

@arthurhavisham @daenerys-targaryen @kieumy @hidden-joy @silvatitties @vecnacurse @anakinskywalkier @maxmayfjeld @calebmclaughlinss @juliettes-fairmont @julietteifairmont @userpym @benoitblanc @maxmavfield @eddimunsons @eddiemunsvn @roykentt @delicatelights 

GHOSTFACE DODGE GHOSTFACE DODGE GHOSTFACE DODGE MEOWOWOOWOWOWOWQOQOOQOQKA

DO YOU SEE THE VISON SAGE. DO YOU SEE IT

I SEE THE VISION SO BAD. SO BADDDDDD !!!!

valentine. again. (i love how you draw her sorry)

NEVER APOLOGIZE FOR REQUESTING THE BELOVED!!! <3

featuring: ash draws her in an outfit that is not the green dress from the last acts or the pink dress . it’s actually another one of my favorites <- i say this as if i don’t love nearly all of her outfits

Ft. Lori x Lily Brooks Tag: @lorixbrooks Mentions: @dianabrooks @adamsbrooks

Lily: Lily was home for one reason and one reason only, to make sure her dad was ok. What happened to the MC was bad enough but she knew the arrival of Lori would shake that amour he'd built so well - as only an old flame could, she supposed. Assuming he told her everything, right down to the 'I want you' comment, she allowed herself a day to dwell. Or more accurately, think about how she felt about it whilst worrying about how he felt. Lily liked to think she knew her dad better than most, it's how she knew that whilst he wouldn't say more than admitting he missed her, he was struggling with the idea of seeing her around town. Suspicious of every blonde in passing, it was a local restaurant where she hawk eye spotted Lori sitting alone in a booth. Of course she wasn't going to ignore her, she had a lot to say - or at least she thought she did. Heading in, she goes to the bar first, requesting a top up of whatever she was drinking, along with a bowl of cheesy fries and a beer for herself. With a deep breath and her shoulders pinned back, she walks confidently into view, sliding into the opposite booth and placing the drinks down. "Hey, mom," using the term loosely, she adds... "Not waiting for anyone are you? Good. Because the last time we spoke was back when I couldn't pronounce my P's. My vocabulary has greatly improved since then, you might wanna buckle up." Expression void of the swirly emotions she suddenly felt sitting so close to the woman who gave her life, she opts for a swig of her beer before continuing. "So, I'm told you ambushed my dad on his own turf. How'd that work out for you?" Something of a trick question considering she already knew the answer, but it was mostly just to break the ice.

Lori: Despite doing her best to avoid Joel, as promised, Lori had found herself settling into town quite easily. Tonopah had a certain small town charm that she had always craved. So far the diner was her favourite place. She was a sucker for fries and a strawberry shake. Sat in a booth by herself, nose buried deep in a new book, the sudden presence startled her. The surprise was obvious by the blank expression on her face as she stared at Lily for a moment, brain struggling to process the fact that she was actually there in front of her. "Don't really have anyone to wait for. So, no." she shrugged her shoulders, glancing down at the drinks Lily had set on the table. "Well, congrats on the vocabulary. I see you managed to order drinks with no issue, so it must be pretty good." she offered up a small smile, leaning back into her seat. "I'm sure you already know exactly how that worked out for me. And I'm sure your dad already told you everything that I said to him, which is why you're here right now. Right?" she raised an eyebrow at Lily, reaching for the fresh milkshake and pulling it towards herself. "So, what do you really want to ask me? Maybe something you don't already know the answer to would be a good start."

Lily: Her voice isn't how she thought it would be, a small detail that catches her a little off guard. The reality of how all the things she did know about her were just other peoples memories and this? Was basically the first one she would remember for herself. "It's not the only reason but sure, it is a biggie." Raising a brow before she realised Lori was doing the same thing, it's replaced by an instant frown. "Out of the two of us I'm feeling like I'm the only one who's smart mouth can be justified. Besides, what's wrong with collecting data from both sides? It makes for more accurate findings." Lily narrowed her eyes, feeling like her expressions were the only thing she had as a way to defend herself. Staring back into her own blue eyes wasn't as easy as she thought it was going to be. "He told you to go and you refused. I don't think he's very used to being told no these days, people are usually smart enough to do what he says." It's more like a passing comment but she would be curious to know how much Lori had learnt since her arrival. "Okay..." Now sitting forward as she wants to ask something she didn't know the answer to. "What suddenly snapped in here," tapping her head, "to bring you here..." now tapping the table as a gesture to the town itself - she had devised that something substantial happened, otherwise would she have not been happy to continue her life back in Vegas? "And... since it didn't go how you thought it would, what makes you think anything will change?"

Lori: Having Lily sat here in front of her was definitely something she was finding hard to process. The sweet, three year old she had left behind was now a full blown adult and it was like looking at a reflection of her younger self. "The smart mouth is genetic, it just comes naturally. For both of us, clearly.” she couldn’t help the hint of a smirk that tugged at her lips, almost proud of the way Lily was carrying herself. Lori raised an eyebrow at her, curiosity sparked at the idea of Joel being someone people were afraid to say no to. “Funny how things change. It was always the other way around. And I didn’t refuse, I simply stood my ground and said I was staying.” she rolled her eyes, wondering for a moment if Joel had exaggerated their encounter with the intention of making sure she stayed away. She sighed, realising that the part of the story she’d left out for Joel, was now the answer to Lily’s question. “I realised, after a lot of therapy, that the life I had in Vegas wasn’t the one I wanted. I could never truly be happy, or at peace, or whatever Dr Greene said, until I faced my mistakes. But I didn’t want to be happy or at peace with that life. It was fake. Your dad, you, Adam, Diana… That was the life that I wanted, but my stupid brain just wouldn’t let me have it.” A frown settled into her features as she spoke, hoping Lily would understand what she was saying. “Plus it’s much harder to go through with a wedding that you don’t even want when you’re already married. Made leaving Vegas a hell of a lot easier, though.” she took a sip of her milkshake, as if that last part was nothing, even though that was the one bit she’d been trying to avoid saying out loud. “Oh, honey, it went exactly how I thought it would. I wasn’t expecting him to sweep me off my feet and run into the sunset. I don’t know if anything will change, and if it doesn’t, I can be okay with that. Eighteen years is a long time.”

Lily: "Clearly." Lily rolls her eyes, not paying too much attention to the comment. Lily chose to acknowledge the main thing here which was that Lori wasn't going to yield, nor be intimidated by her attitude. Whilst the girl may have preferred it, only due to the fact it would be easier to get the truth from a weaker type, it was clear that the woman before her knew how to battle. Fine. So shall it be. "That's the same thing." Raising a brow with a little scoff - was being asked ( or told ) to leave, and saying no, the very definition of a refusal? As Lori started to speak, Lily slipped off her jacket - getting comfortable, soaking in every word that was spoken. Just as she thought to say something about how she did have understanding on the diagnosis Lori was given, she talked a little more and... "Wedding? Oh holy shit," laughing instantly. "See, I do like how you didn't mention that to Joel... But you mention it to me." Tipping her head in curiosity. "Almost like you know I'm going to tell him and then... You don't have to. Nice. Smart, actually." Lily tips her beer forward before taking another sip. "Doesn't really make much sense though, does it? Rebuilding your life should mean you're making it into something you do want. Instead, you've let a presumably decent person believe you'd be open to spending the rest of your life with them... Not even thinking to mention the little detail of your previous life, the one in which you're legally married." She's not sure there's an actual question there, maybe she's just talking out loud in order to keep her head clear. "Mm, yeah, okay, firstly? Don't call me honey. Secondly, it's a lifetime... Not just a long time." Well, it was her lifetime at least. "You came here with intention, I can admire that, but tell me... Did any part of you actually think about the fact that the life you were hoping to get back is as far gone as the people in it?" Real talk, Lily would say. "Goes without saying for me, I'm an adult now. But then there's Adam, he's been to war and came back a dollar and a limb short. Diana got so messed up at one point she needed rehab, and dad.... He went to jail defending a member of a club we all consider family. My point, Lori, is none of us are the people you remember. You're chasing ghosts." Frowning, she finds herself shaking her head, what it all boiled down to was how much she loved her father. "You want him back... But just humour me for a minute because... Just say he did accept you, want you back too... What happens a few weeks later? When you see for yourself he's not the same guy you knew?" That was Lily's real fear because she knew that her dad still loved her. She didn't want to see him heartbroken for a second time.

Lori: "No, it's not. Saying I refused makes me sound like a petulant child, which I am not." Lori argued, mirroring her daughter's raised eyebrow. She watched as Lily seemed to get herself comfortable in her seat, almost a little shocked that she was doing so. A part of her thought that she wasn't going to stay for long, but apparently that wasn't the case. A heavy sigh pushes past her lips before they pull into a tight smile, nodding her head. "I didn't mention it to Joel because it wasn't important or relevant to the conversation. You can tell him if you want, that's your call, but the reason I'm telling you is because it's the answer to the question you just asked me." Her tone was a little harsher than she had intended, but given the interrogation, it seemed justified. "Besides, I wasn't actually engaged. My parents set me up with him when I was back on my feet, and eventually conversations started about getting married and my mother was talking about wedding dresses, and I just went along with it because I thought that's what I wanted. Then I had my epiphany, so to speak, and when he actually popped the question I said no." It wasn't an easy conversation, turning down the man that she'd somehow planned the rest of her life with without even realising she was doing it. The whole relationship had been so manufactured that it didn't even feel real. "And he did know. Not about you, but he knew that I'd been married before, and that I'd been in rehab, though that part wasn't really public knowledge. It was all about my parents' reputation, and when you're mentally vulnerable and incredibly grateful to those parents for saving your life, you don't really think to object when they start planning out your whole future." Besides her therapist, she'd not said any of that out loud before and it suddenly felt like a whole weight had been lifted from her shoulders now that she'd finally voiced it. "Firstly, if you're going to call me mom, I'm going to call you honey. Secondly, I know. My long time, is your lifetime, and I am so sorry. I can't take that back, and I know I can't fix what I broke with apologies. But I want to try." She sat in silence for a moment, eyes widened ever so slightly at the onslaught of information that Lily threw at her. It was a lot to take in, and too much for her to think about and comment on in the moment, so instead she just nodded. A simple gesture to show that she understood what Lily was saying. "I'm not chasing anything, or anyone, Lily. I'm certainly not the same person I was when I left, so I'm not fool enough to think that everyone else would be. I didn't come here to pick up where we left off." she shook her head, taking another sip of her milkshake to give herself a minute. "I came here because I needed to start over. For myself. I needed to know that you, and your dad, were okay. And I know that he's not okay, but he's breathing, so that's something." she shrugs her shoulders before she continues. "Of course I want him back. I still wear my wedding ring on this necklace, and we still have matching tattoos, and he was the first, and only person that I have ever truly loved. Neither of us are the same person that we knew before, and that's okay. It's not a fairytale. I don't want a fairytale. I just want to be happy." A sigh of relief rushed from her chest as she spoke, like she'd been holding her breath. "With or without him. I just want to be happy."

Lily: There's a frown on her face throughout the explanation, almost like she couldn't understand how a life could be so structured. And not even by yourself, but your parents? Her grandparents, she supposed. "So they help you, save your life, just to take over it?" Resisting the urge to make a sarcastic comment, it didn't feel entirely appropriate when she didn't actually know these people. All she did know was what Joel had told her, which wasn't actually very much or very nice, but we digress. "Do you want me to call you mom?" Lifting a brow, she's curious to know the answer. Lily had always called her mom when it came to asking Joel about her, but admittedly it was a little odd to say it to her actual face. "... Yes but what does that mean exactly? You want to try? As in, with both me and dad, or just dad, making me the unfortunate obstacle." Because if Lori didn't want her, she knew her dad wouldn't stand for it. "Yeah, three of his friends got blown up and died, no shit he isn't ok. Can't say you showing up has helped much, either." In spite of the words, the tone of it wasn't anything but calm and even a little sad. It hurt her heart seeing him up against it knowing there was very little she could do, realistically. I just want to be happy. With that last line, she sits back and slouches her shoulders. Needing just a few seconds to process everything Lori had said. In spite of being the one to ask the questions, it was still a lot to take in. "Well when you put it like that it makes it really hard to be angry with you. Your rational behaviour and logical words is really stomping all over my fury," shooting her a pointed glare, as if that was a bother to her, there's the faintest of smiles that ghosts her lips. "I'm sorry that's a struggle for you." Lily says quietly, ( happiness, that was. ) "And I don't know if you'll find it here, maybe, maybe not... You're brave to try." She decides. It's clear in her features that she isn't holding the same attitude she had upon arriving. Now all she felt was a little bit sad, a little bit confused about what now, but mostly? It was just sinking in for her that she was sitting opposite her mother. "I understand what happened to you, why you acted how you did and... Why you left. I mean, it sucks, but I understand... It wasn't your fault. I'm sorry help came too late for you." It felt necessary to say, she wasn't sure why, maybe it was her way of letting her know that she's forgiven. "I'm studying neuroscience, so..." She shrugs, letting on that actually, she was well versed in matters of the brain. "You're sticking around then? For real? Because... This is gonna be your one shot, you know? Second chances can be deserved but third chances don't fly here."

Lori: "Well when you say it like that it sounds crazy. Which I guess it kind of is, but it's also complicated." Lori's relationship with her parents was a story for another time, perhaps one that required something a little stronger than a milkshake. She mirrored Lily's raised brow. "I mean — of course that would be nice, but I guess it's a little odd since I don't really feel like a mom. Do you want to call me mom?" Sure, she was in fact her mom, but being vacant for eighteen years of your daughter's life didn't exactly measure up to being called as much. "With both of you, yes. I might not know where to start, or what the hell I'm doing, really — but I want to try. I want to get to know you, and your dad again. But only if that's okay with you. I don't want to overstep." she assured her with a small, slightly nervous smile. There was no point trying to beat around the bush. She wasn't going to get anywhere if she didn't just lay it all out on the table. "Well, yeah — bad timing on my part." she admitted with a light shrug. She wasn't blind to the fact that she'd just thrown herself and Joel straight in at the deep end. Maybe she could've thought it through a little more, or dipped her toe in the water before diving straight in, but she just didn't. It was all or nothing. "It's okay. I'll take whatever slither of it I can get. Even if that's just seeing your face right now." she nodded, flashing Lily a hint of a smile. "I'm glad you understand. Makes this a whole lot easier for me if I don't have to keep explaining it and reliving it." Lori blew out a quiet, slightly relieved sigh. "I am. I guess I better make it count then, huh?" she raised a brow again, taking a long sip of her milkshake as she took a moment to really just look at her daughter. "So, neuroscience? Smart and pretty, I see. You're welcome for that."

Lily: "Is it? Because it seems pretty simple to me. They hold themselves to a standard they expect you to follow and you do because it's the only way to keep the peace." Raising an amused brow, she was admittedly pulling such a conclusion with aid of the things she knew about her parents from Joel. "Well... I've always called you mom. When me and dad would talk about you, he would say mom, not Lori - so it's not as weird for me as you might think. It's just a little bit... odd? I guess, to say it to your face. But then, Lori feels odd too," Pausing to scratch the side of her head, she shrugs. "Maybe... I can just fluctuate between the two until naturally, one takes over." Lily nods, quick to pick up her beer and take a decent couple of gulps. "This last year hasn't had a lot of good timing to be honest." At least that was her view - when the club suffered, so did her dad. "No.. You don't have to do that with me," shaking her head, she wanted her mom to know she wasn't expecting her to relive her traumas and mistakes, not when the general overview of them spoke enough to know she could look past it. "Oh," snorting out a genuine laugh, she grinned over at her. "Getting those things from you has served me well so far, I won't lie. Thank you," she teases, glancing at her phone to see the text from her friend saying she was outside. "I gotta go. I was supposed to be outside ages ago but - well, I spotted you and impulse took over." Lily shrugs, noticing her jacket but deciding, purposely, that she would leave it there with Lori. "Can I have your number? I would like to meet up with you again, properly?" There's a coy smile as she opens her phone on the keypad and holds it out to her before standing up. Heart still racing, she takes a deep breath and waits for her phone. "Okay well, I'll.. see you." Sheepishly smiling, she turns to walk away only to pause a few feet away. Turning her head back, she contemplates what she wants to say, wondering if it was wise, even though she was going to say it either way. "There hasn't been anyone else for him... He still loves you." Blue eyes soften with a little worry, not truly knowing what Lori would do with that information. "He's got this tattoo," raising her left arm, "Ask him about it when you see him again, yeah?" A hint of mischief sparks in her eyes as she backs up and now walks out of sight.

[[ END ]]

Otp asks: 3, 5, 20 for Fuffy!

3. Do they wear the other's clothes? (sweatshirt, bandana, necklace, etc.)

faith is a chronic clothes stealer. half of her wardrobe once belonged to buffy. buffy will occasionally wear one of faith's jackets or a pair of jeans, but it's not on the same magnitude as faith

5. Describe their cozy night in.

they don't really have a concept of "cozy night in"- their dream date night involves slaying and then going home and .. burning off steam. but if they had to stay in, buffy would probably cook dinner and they would watch a movie and fall asleep on the couch

20. Choose one song that perfectly describes their relationship.

that is very hard because i associate so many songs with them .. but tonight im feeling you're so last summer by taking back sunday

There is a possum lying not too far away, basking in the sun’s warm heat. She’s the personification of one happy baby.

Oh dear. Do I really need to call animal control again?

i just got read to filth

#8 for the song ask?

a song that you liked when you where 10 that still slaps

HELP ok when i wasnt listening to like. my moms adele cds.and evanescence. and eye of the tiger. it was probably Halo by Beyonce or We Are Young by fun

the wolf in your darkest room.

WHERE: Decker Family Home WITH: Jeffrey Decker

Stepping around the nurse as she let him inside the Decker home, Cole slipped her a few hundred in cash and paused in the foyer, buying himself just a moment to take in the view around him. It looked like something out of a film; from the rich mahogany woodwork to the golden accents sprinkled here and there, he felt like he’d stepped onto a set somehow– like no ordinary person could live here…and yet– Cole shook his head, his thoughts temporarily thrown off balance by the nurse’s words, “He’s upstairs.” Cole turned, meeting her uncertain gaze. Nodding slightly, he glanced down at the wad of cash still firmly clutched within her grasp, then back at her— a silent reminder that they had an agreement now. Jeffrey had a strict "no visitors" policy in place, one that Cole had managed to bribe the nurse into breaking. Everyone had a price, and it hadn't taken long to figure out hers. “Thank you,” he murmured before turning and ascending the stairs. 

All Cole wanted to do was talk. He wanted to talk, and more importantly, he wanted to listen and read the man who’d abandoned him before he even took his first breath, because he’d always gleaned more from what people didn’t say. Perhaps it was a side effect of not being much of a talker himself, but Cole had always been rooted more in action— it wasn’t what the person said to him, but how they said it. So how would Jeffrey Decker say all the things Cole would demand from him?

Finding himself in the room at the end of the hall, Cole closed the door behind him, locking it for good measure. The first thing he noticed was the steady, yet slow beeping of the heart monitor. Next, he took in the man himself, resting in the oversized hospital bed they’d tucked into the center of the room. Stepping deeper inside, Cole quietly analyzed him, eventually concluding that Jeffrey Decker was far more pathetic than he’d expected, and it had very little to do with the IV drips and machines gathered around him. It was the very aura surrounding him— it was how, despite the wealth and notoriety attached to his name, Jeff was so pitifully small. He was nothing more than a thug, hiding behind his fortune.

The man roused slowly, awakening from whatever reverie he’d lost himself in, and Cole met his gaze. Of course, he’d seen Jeff before— how could he not? Everyone knew who Jeffrey Decker was. But he’d never seen him in this light— the one that only rained down on absentee parents, painting them in a dull, murky haze…a mere silhouette, which was the only way Cole had glimpsed the idea of him for three decades, anyway. His father, a complete unknown. Cole stopped at the foot of Jeff’s bed and met his gaze, “You know who I am?” He asked calmly, his expression never wavering from the emotionless mask he often wore.

Shifting against his sweat soaked mattress, the man nodded, “You have her eyes.”

Anger ticked at the back of his jaw as the realization took root in his mind and festered like some rotten sore. The man before him knew exactly who he was— his own son— but had he always? “How long have you known?” Cole asked in a frail attempt to give Jeff the benefit of the doubt. But as the seconds passed and his father remained silent, Cole’s patience ticked away in tandem, “How long?!” He shouted, rolling his lips into a thin line as his gloved hands clenched into fists at his sides.

“I’ve always known.”

Rage flashed in his pale blue eyes for half a heartbeat before rapidly dissipating back down into something he could reach an iron grip around. No, Jeffrey Decker wouldn’t see him break, not yet— not until he had the answers he’d come for. "Why?" Cole pressed, lifting his brows. 

"You know why, Cole,” Jeff answered, his tone flat and worn down, almost as though he had the audacity to be annoyed by his son’s question.

Huffing a humorless snort of laughter, Cole shrugged his shoulders, "Why a man would abandon his own blood? No, I don't know." For as long as he lived, he didn’t think he’d ever understand that. 

"What did you want me to do, son?" Jeffrey inquired, raising a brow in a look that was all too reminiscent of the one that Cole often wore. It turned the biker’s gut to ice— how could looking at this man feel so much like looking in a mirror?

"Don't you ever call me son," Cole muttered through gritted teeth, features twisting into a snarl, "Ya lost that right thirty-seven years ago." And he’d done so willingly, if his mother’s letters were anything to go by.

Sighing, Jeffrey rolled his eyes and shrugged, “What do you want, Cole? Money?"

Stunned by the insinuation, Cole visibly recoiled, easing back a step as though Jeff’s words had drilled into his chest like a physical punch. Cole Monroe cared very little about money. It had never been a motivator for him, perhaps because he’d never known wealth a day in his life, and so he’d never thought to long for it. Clenching his molars so tightly that his jaw began to ache, he shook his head. Jeff could take his money and he could rot with it. "I want the truth,” he began, injecting strength back into his lazy southern drawl as he squared his shoulders in front of his father, “I read the letters– about how ya threatened my mother, got her hooked on the junk.”  Fire burning in his eyes, he leveled his gaze with Jeffrey’s, "How ya wanted me dead." Rife with the need to move, he paced the space in front of Jeff’s bed, holding his arms out from his sides, "All of that true?"

Licking his lips, Jeffrey reached for the remote control beside him and slowly raised the head of his bed, allowing him to sit just a little higher on a throne that meant nothing, “Think, Cole— a man in my position, a woman like your mother?”

Cole whirled around, his heated stare barreling into Jeff’s like some sort of raging inferno, “A woman like my mother?” He parroted back, brows raised in a challenge— like he was daring Jeff Decker to say the words they both knew he could never come back from. 

“Your mother was a junkie whore.”

“Don’t,” Cole warned, barely able to meet the man’s gaze as he curled his hands around the railing at the foot of the bed.

It was then that Jeff finally showed the first sign of real emotion. Amusement. “Don’t what?” He taunted, flashing a smirk at the biker.

Closing his eyes, Cole shook his head, “Don’t say a fuckin’ word about her.” What would Jeff know about Diana anyway? He’d bailed the moment she’d needed him.

Laughter, sinister and low (albeit a little choked from his condition), echoed from the head of the bed, and Jeffrey had the gall to sneer at his son— almost like he was daring him to move, but too arrogant to believe that Cole actually would. But that was precisely the problem, wasn’t it? Jeff Decker didn’t know Cole Monroe— he’d never made an effort to— and so he didn’t know that the man in front of him didn’t have a limit, not really. And so Jeff didn’t know when to stop, “Tried to get the dumb bitch to take the money and do away with you— save us both a lot of grief. But she wouldn’t, and now here you are— nothing, just like her—“

Whatever Jeff meant to say fell on deaf ears the moment Cole lunged forward and black leather gloves closed around the man’s throat, “You sick piece of shit,” he forced through gritted teeth, tightening his grip. “You wanna snuff me out?" He taunted, eyes wild with a challenge, "Go ahead, old man. Do it." Cole held his stare level with his father’s as the man reached up to clutch at the collar of his cut and his face melted from a dusky white into red. “Go on,” he encouraged yet again as one frail hand shakily reached for his throat, but only managed a soft graze against Cole’s cheek before falling to the mattress with a dull thud. “You’re a fuckin’ coward,” Cole muttered over the low sound of Jeff’s meaningless stuttering, “and you’re gonna die like one.” 

He could feel it beneath his hands, the way the man’s carotid pulse sped up in some feeble attempt to outlast the steady pressure of his son’s grip, and then it slowed— skipping a beat here and there before finally stopping. The monitor on the wall was slower, delayed in announcing what Cole already knew— Jeffrey Decker was dead. The biker slowly let up on his grip, and when he stepped back, he felt nothing— nothing beyond the closure he hadn’t been able to offer Diana years ago when he’d caught her mourning over a man who’d never deserved her anyway. Swallowing hard as he ran his gaze over Jeff’s lifeless body, he nodded, secure in the knowledge that he’d done it for his mother as much as he’d done it for him. 

And yet, suddenly and all at once, it still broke him. 

Burying his face in his hands, he choked back an audible sob. Hot tears he hadn’t expected welled at the corners of his eyes as he staggered back. Cole wasn’t bulletproof. At the end of the day, he was only a man— a man who mourned for the father he wished Jeff had been, and a boy who just simply wanted to know where he’d come from. A cold ache fanned out from his core, nearly winding him as he dared another glance at the man in the bed. Out of everything Cole would ever be guilty for, he’d never imagined patricide making the list— and yet. 

But he had the club to think about. There was so much more than his own ass on the line if he didn’t play this exactly the way he needed to. He could stare whatever he was feeling in the face once the dust had settled. For now, he had to make this go away...and fast. Straightening, he swiped at his eyes, batting away whatever he’d let Jeff make him feel, and he reached inside his pocket for his phone. Trembling fingers tapped at the keypad, dialing one of the only numbers he knew by heart– Joel.

🐣

Rosie cries about beatrix hr // ABSOLUTELY Accepting @babydxhl

She warns patients you know. 'I am not always myself.' She knows it; in the aftermath when she comes back it hits her how much she loses. Her rages all consuming into madness and no awareness of her surroundings past the flames. Calamity scarcely could remember she wasn't in her own time anymore most of the time. Reverting back to the last moments of screaming out on the pyre and little else. Time just didn't exist anymore.

She can't really distinguish time now either. There's no flames though, no rage. It's a different kind of lost as she hums, supplementing words here and there as she hovered over the box. For a bit, she's back where she belongs. Not the street of a bustling city. It's the quieter quainter house that she adored over her daughter. Beatrix, Beatrix. Not even Alienor compared to her beauty, though she'd always be the close second.

If Amity were more aware, she'd be angrier that they were left out like this. The blanket inside won't be enough to keep with the chill. But she was just lost in thought, letting the little hand grasp at her wrist. Using more energy than she ought to just to let them suckle on her pinkie knuckle. It always helps Beatrix calm down.

She'd very well stay put for hours. Had Mary's approach not flickered her attention away. Suddenly making the visions battle. Her home collided with images of lights, buildings that reached into the sky, of iron gate, of stone, of cold- Asylum. That's where you were. You don't belong in her world of Beatrix and it's jarring. She blinked fast, shaking her head, putting another hand gently on the little head.

"No, no, I- I can't lose Beatrix," she pleaded. "S-she's so small. She was too early. She didn't cry at first, she was all blue-" Amity cut off with a choked sob, her hand flying to her chest. No, that wasn't right. Well, it was at first. "I begged Althea to not let her die. She still was so small. I didn't think she could scream as loud as she had." But at least she'd started breathing. Her eyes focused on a point on the babe. Beatrix had Amity's bright pale blonde, not this brown. It's all wrong, but it's not fair! None of this was ever fair! They had no right! She felt the heat under her. GET AWAY-

She skittered back as the flames took over her dress hem, sobbing still. She'd feel worse if she'd hurt them.

"It's not fair," she whispered.

7, 33, 90

7) Weird Florida by Camp Trash okay, I think I like your format better where I get to talk a little bit about the songs. this whole record really blindsided me this year--I ended up listening to a lot more of it than I expected. it's so bright and fun and hooky, definitely self-effacing enough to be emo but there's a lot of power pop influence there. the chorus here is strongest lyrically--"I know that she won't/ be picking up the fucking phone/ when I call from my car/ explaining why I'm not at home"--but it's this high on the list for the hook: "it just got dumber/ all summer." sing-alongable as fuck!!!

33) Discount Assisted Living by Prince Daddy & the Hyena kory won't discuss this one publicly, and i think for anyone who's been depressed that makes the spare piano and big string pads particularly gut-wrenching. "I keep the sink on for the sound/ we'll talk about it if you stick around" really are all it needs for the majority of the song.

90) Every Tradition by Bully the queen of grunge production (alicia bognanno) bringing in the king of weird lil noises (john congleton) to co-produce this one really did it. just fucking huge, the snare + fizzy riff + falsetto and hollerin' combo gets me amped every time. I think "you say my mind is gonna change one day/ but I've felt this way forever/ some things stay the same" hits for anyone who's ever had someone else try to tell 'em what they want in life.

send me a number 1-100 and i’ll tell you the corresponding song + my favourite lyric from spotify wrapped