What’s In A Name?
New to the superhero business, the Shazam family has a lot to learn if they're going to make this vigilante stuff work. Step 1: Figure out secret identities and hero names.
Written for Writer's Month 2019 Day 6: Kids.
Note: I do not own these characters.
Read it on Ao3.
“Okay,” Freddy began, turning to face his siblings after checking the security of the bedroom door. “If we want to do this superhero thing right, we have to establish some ground rules. I hope you brought paper to take notes because there will be a quiz at the end of this.”
“Wait, seriously?” Eugene’s eyes were panicked as he glanced up from his computer screen.
“Of course not.” Billy rolled his eyes.
“Besides, if you did write anything down, we’d have to burn it afterwards so no supervillains could trace it back to our secret identities.” Freddy smiled sarcastically. He was really laying on the dry humor, a sure sign that he was nervous. He was the closest thing to a superhero expert they had, even though he’d only been in direct contact with the superhero world for a few weeks. It wasn’t like there was any pressure to keep his family safe or anything.
“That’s a good place to start,” Billy jumped in. As the only other family member with marginally more exposure to superheroing, he was also partially responsible for the success of this meeting. “Let’s talk secret identities.”
“The number one superheroing rule,” Freddy announced, “is never tell anyone your secret identity.” He looked pointedly at Darla.
“But what if it’s someone who can help you, like a teacher or a police officer?” she asked innocently. “Rosa says we’re not supposed to lie.”
“Leaving out your name isn’t lying,” Mary reassured her.
“But you can’t make friends unless you tell people your name.”
“Well you’ll have a superhero name. You can use that.”
“Do I get to pick my own name?” she asked, an eager shine in her eyes.
Billy found everyone looking at him.
“Uh, I think so?”
“Great! I’m going to be Princess Purple Sparkle Rainbow.” Darla beamed.
“How can you be both purple and rainbow?” Eugene asked.
“Anything is possible through positive thinking and imagination.”
Someday they’d have to collect Darla Wisdom and sell it as a book. They’d make a fortune.
“That name is too long. No one will be able to remember it, not even you,” Freddy declared. Mary shot him a warning look.
“I will,” their youngest sister declared confidently, “and all of my new friends will, too.”
“Pedro,” Billy said, eager to avoid the potential of an argument, or worse--Darla being sad. “What’s your name going to be?”
The quietest member of the family just shrugged.
“The Jolly Green Giant,” Eugene suggested while he tapped away at his keyboard.
“That’s the veggie man.” Freddy dismissed it with a nearly offended frown.
“The Shield?” Billy offered.
“I think that one’s already taken.”
“Wait,” Mary commanded, and instinctively they all followed the eldest’s lead. “Should we work with a theme? We are a team, after all.”
“The Justice League doesn’t have a theme,” Freddy pointed out, “or the Teen Titans, the Justice Society, the Doom Patrol, the-”
“Okay, okay,” Mary conceded even though half of those teams sounded made up to her.
“But those teams aren’t family,” Darla said softly.
“She’s right,” Pedro agreed in his quiet, honest manner.
They digested these truths in silence for a while.
“What about something Greek?” Mary suggested. “Our powers come from Greek legend.”
“Mercury is technically Roman,” Eugene clarified.
“Solomon’s from the Bible, isn’t he?” Billy added.
“Besides,” Freddy continued, “a theme based on the source of our power could give supervillains a clue about how to defeat us.”
“Well how do other heroes come up with their names?” Mary asked.
“I don’t know. My knowledge of superheroes starts after they’ve already come up with their costume and name. And even if I had tried to figure out some of their secret identities like a total nerd, there’s no way for me to verify whether I’m right and ask them. I mean, it’s not like I have a way in to superhero society, such as, I don’t know, a brother who knows Superman or something.” He looked pointedly at Billy.
“Dude, just transform and introduce yourself next time you fly to Metropolis.”
“How can I introduce myself when I don’t have a superhero name?”
“Yeah, are we going to figure that out right now or not?” Eugene demanded. “Because there’s a Twitch stream going live in twenty minutes that I don’t want to miss.”
“Well Billy already has a name,” Pedro observed.
“Right!” Darla beamed. “Because when he said ‘Say my name’ we said Shaz-”
“Shh!” everyone hissed. Mary covered her sister’s mouth before she could finish the word.
“Not inside, remember? We don’t want to blow the roof off.”
“Sorry,” she sighed. “I got too excited.”
“It’s okay,” Mary reassured her. “We just have to be careful.”
“It’s a bit dumb not being able to say your name,” Freddy mused.
“Hey, I didn’t choose to make it like that.”
“Yeah I know. That’s why we should come up with an alternative name so we can actually communicate on the job and stuff. Ooh, wait a second!” Freddy cried, face lighting up with that look he always got when he discovered a new and interesting fact. “I think I have an idea…”
-----
That night they tried out the new nicknames. While Rosa and Viktor were enjoying a rare night out, they hit the streets to stop what crime they could. Of course, whenever it was easy to sneak away and do superhero stuff, there was never anything notable to do. They helped stop a car chase after the first few blocks, cleaned up a park, and adjusted one family’s TV antenna so they could watch Phillies games in perfect clarity.
“We’d better head back soon,” Maelstrom suggested, trying to check the time on the watch she habitually wore, but it had disappeared when she’d transformed.
“Can we get ice cream on the way back?” Lightning asked with hope in her eyes.
“Not if we didn’t bring money with us.”
“We don’t need money.” Vortex shrugged. “Bil- Uh, Storm and I discovered during his early days that when you ask nicely, people are willing to give superheroes all sorts of things for free.”
“That sounds like stealing.” Tornado frowned.
“It’s not if they willingly give it to you,” Storm argued.
“If I asked Tech Stop for a new PS4, do you think they’d give one to me?” Thunder wondered.
“We are not using our new roles to ask for free stuff!” Maelstrom said firmly. “Our main purpose is to protect and help people, not abuse their trust in us. Besides, how would you explain a new PS4 to Rosa and Viktor?”
“Sh, no secret identity clues!” Vortex hissed. Maelstrom just rolled her eyes.
“So we’re not stopping for ice cream?” Lightning’s expression was dangerously close to a pout.
“I’ll buy you ice cream,” Storm promised. “I brought some allowance along just in case we’d need it.”
“Thank you big brother!” She zoomed over to him and gave him a big hug.
“Lightning, we agreed to use hero names only,” Vortex sighed. “We can’t give hints of our secret identities!”
“You sound paranoid,” Thunder warned.
“It’s the number one rule!”
“I can’t remember everyone’s names yet,” Lightning admitted.
“Don’t worry, I’ll help you memorize them,” Maelstrom promised.
“If we want to grab ice cream, we should go now,” Tornado quietly reminded them.
“We’d better hurry!” Lightning cried, ready to save time by flying there directly.
“Hang on, I have to get my money out. SHAZAM!”
In a flash of lightning, Billy replaced Shazam Storm. He dug into his pants pockets, eventually passing a wad of crumpled bills to Maelstrom. With another shout and another flash, he was once again a superhero.
“Okay, let’s go.”
“Maybe I’ll get butterscotch, or chocolate chip, or birthday cake! There are so many yummy flavors, I don’t know how I’ll decide!”
Lightning continued chattering on the way to the ice cream shop. The late-night workers looked a bit shell-shocked when six large and brightly dressed heroes stepped into the shop talking and teasing each other like children. Maelstrom tried to keep them on task, but Lightning kept changing her order, Vortex was shooting irrelevant questions at the overwhelmed workers, and Storm was nervously calculating whether they’d have enough to pay. Twenty minutes (and a few photos) later, they poured back out onto the street, sweet treats in hand.
“Home?” Tornado suggested.
“Race you!” Thunder dared, already taking off. The others released surprised shouts and followed. Lightning, normally the fastest of them, trailed a step behind.
“Hang on!” she cried around her spoon. “I don’t want to drop my ice cream!”
x
I tried finding comics-based names for the Shazam family, but only Billy, Mary, and Freddy have been around long enough to have options. Wikipedia mentioned Shazam Thunder, Shazam Lighning and Shazam Strong for Eugene, Darla, and Pedro respectively, though I'm not sure where those came from. I liked Shazam Thunder and Shazam Lightning, and since their symbol is the giant light-up lightning bolt on their chests, I decided to go with storm-based hero names for the squad.
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