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thefirstknife · 1 year

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I think it was really fitting that Calus, who has been obsessed with chasing grandeur (or at least the illusion of it) should have such an inglorious death, and yet in death he was somehow more impressive than in life.

Absolutely same. Calus is a fascinating character who was really an utter loser his whole life, but due to extraordinary circumstances, achieved such power and status. Deeply recommending Caiatl's portion of the Lightfall Collector's Edition book, as that really goes in depth about Calus before he became the guy we know now. And if you can stomach it, The Chronicon, which details a sharp shift in Calus' behaviour after he met the Black Fleet and the Witness, which worried even his closest advisors.

Now that we have his end, the full scope of his life is incredibly fascinating. A guy who kept chasing pleasure, easy life, hedonism and luxury ended being a tool to a higher being he pledged himself to, thinking that this higher power would see him as an equal and grant him everything he seeks.

One of my favourite visual cues in Lightfall's cinematics with Calus is the focus on his empty chalice. The first thing he does as he emerges from the Disicplenator cube, is take an object and turn it into a chalice. He walks forward, looking at the chalice and then at Tormentors by his side, trying to arouse some sort of celebration or cheering. But he is met with silence and an empty chalice.

He keeps looking at the chalice as if expecting it to be filled. Expecting his newfound power to give him all the pleasure and hedonism he sought, so he could party and celebrate until the end of the universe when he would become the last thing alive, as per his wishes expressed in the Chronicon.

But it stays empty. No matter how many times he looks and waits, it's empty. His throne is lavish and gold, he controls an army in service of the most powerful being in the universe, he has everything at his disposal, but the throne room is silent and his cup empty. No celebrations, no cheering, no party, no lavish dinners, no friends, no advisors, no servants.

There is nothing in service to the Witness. You are nothing to the Witness. You are an empty shell with no choices or wishes or belongings or friends. It's an empty life, devoid of meaning and joy. Calus' chalice would never have been filled as long as he served. He would never have a celebration or cheers or friends ever again.

You can see how he gets mad when the Witness suggests that he failed. How can he fail when he is doing everything required of him and has been doing so for untold centuries? And never gets anything in return? After the Witness beats him into submission again, the first thing he does is crush the empty chalice he's been gripping so tightly and throws it away. The illusion of grandeur shattered. He realises it won't fill and that he will not have anything and he dedicates himself fully to the Witness. Anything else and he will be destroyed.

And even at the end, he still swears on the Witness for power and importance. In the final fight, he still yells at us "I am a disciple!" as if he's trying to convince himself more than us. And he dies alone, hated and despised by everyone that ever knew him and abandoned by the Witness he swore his life to long before Lightfall and long before our fight at the end of Haunted and long before the Leviathan raid.

He swore himself to the Witness at the Black Edge, at the end of the universe, where he was sent to die in exile. Everything he did from that point onward was for the Witness. And it abandoned him in the blink of an eye. He died with his chalice empty, chasing the promise that it would be full forever. He could've had that had he been a better person, a better father, a better husband, a better emperor. But instead he chose a path that led to emptiness and nothingness and he has no one to blame but himself. A fitting end for one such as he.

#destiny 2 #destiny 2 spoilers #lightfall #lightfall spoilers #calus #long post #ask #THE EMPTY CHALICE MOTIF WAS LIKE. MAN. every time he appears #such a good visual pointer to his whole fate #and to the fate of being a disciple in a way he chose it

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eldritch-thrumming · 1 year

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Hi sweetie here are some q's for your fic author ask game!

3 10 14 17 19 29 30: Is there a fic,written by someone else, that you would love to do a remix of? What is it and why?

:) :) :) :) :) :)

3. What’s your favorite fic that you’ve written? "sorry about the blood in your mouth (i wish it was mine)" & "i can't let go when something's broken" are my two favorites :3 (and maybe also the kiki's delivery service au, that one was just so fluffy and cute and sparkly)

10. Is there a fic that got a different response than you were expecting? i'm surprised by how many people really seem to love "when i don't touch you" tbh! the mechanics/worldbuilding is vague at best in my opinion and i leave a lot of stuff ambiguous because i just wanted to tell this story of missing someone and needing them and fate and destiny. i am always surprised & very very grateful for the compliments that fic receives!

14. If you could see one of your fics adapted into a visual medium, such as comic or film, which fan fic would you pick? i wrote "sorry about the blood in your mouth" constantly thinking about how it would look if it was being filmed. that one is my most cinematic, i think!!

17. What’s something you’ve learned about while doing research for a fic? the last vcr was sold in 2016 :)

19. Give us a small teaser from one of your WIPs. from chapter 2 of "oh my, love is a lie":

Steve taps on the pink highlight around Eddie’s profile picture. It looks like Eddie uses his instagram stories like a diary, posting his various thoughts throughout the day. The first story is a poll: “Would you fuck Jeff Bezos to end global warming?” Steve doesn’t vote. The next three stories are just memes. The next slide is a picture of a bowl of soup with the words “good soup” and after that is a picture of Chrissy’s cat with the caption “this eldritch creature lives in my house.” The last slide shows the results from the original poll, an overwhelming amount of people having apparently voted “no” on Jeff Bezos. Eddie’s added the words “dang, can’t believe how selfish you all are.” That makes Steve laugh, just a little.

Steve shuts off the screen on his phone and sets it down on his bedside table. He takes off his glasses and rubs at his eyes, yawning. Then, he reaches over and turns out his light, before sliding down under his covers and falling asleep.

29. Share a bit from a fic you’ll never post OR from a scene that was cut from an already posted fic. (If you don’t have either, just share a random fic idea you have that you don’t plan on getting to.) a scene cut from "sorry about the blood in your mouth":

“Max,” Eddie says, cautiously. “Is there something bothering you?”

“No,” she snaps, still not turning to look at him. She’s torn between wanting him to go away and wanting to tell him exactly what she thinks right now.

“Max… I know you’re feeling angry right now. Is it because Steve left? I know that you feel better when he’s around and—“

“What, you think Steve is, like, my emotional support dog or something?” She can’t keep the anger out of her voice, even though she’s really trying. “Yes, I love having him around because I love him and he’s one of my best friends. I don’t need him here to do my job. This isn’t Steve’s fault, by any stretch of the imagination.”

“Okay,” Eddie responds and she can hear some confusion in his voice. Max finally turns to look at him and she can see his eyebrows scrunching up as he furrows his brow. She can’t help but wonder how it’s possible for one man to be so deeply and irreparably stupid?

“I’m mad at you, asshole,” she finally admits, jabbing her pointer finger into Eddie’s chest.

“Me? Why?” Eddie rubs at the spot on his chest where she’d just poked him.

“Because!” She throws up her hands. “How is it possible for you to be so fucking stupid? For ten whole years!”

“Huh?” Eddie’s confused frown deepens.

“Jesus Christ, Eddie. Who do you think this story is about?”

“The story? Of the movie? Uh. Lucy is you, Max. I wrote her for you.”

“Lucy isn’t me,” she says, like it’s obvious. “I’ve been madly in love with Lucas since I was thirteen and I tell him so every single day. Try again.”

“But—“

“Yeah, but nothing! Eddie, what—if I’m Lucy, who’s Delilah?”

“Lucy is you and Nancy, Delilah’s El and Robin.”

Max snorts. “Okay, that’s a little funny.”

“I thought so.”

“But Lucy isn’t me and Delilah isn’t El. And neither of them are Nancy or Robin.”

“Yes, they are.”

“What—no—Eddie,” he can hear the exasperation in her voice now and now she’s talking with her hands, moving her whole body around like she does when she thinks the person she’s talking to is being a humungous moron. “You’re Lucy. Steve’s Delilah.”

“No,” Eddie says immediately.

“Um, yes! Just like you’re Ricky and Hector and Ronan and Jamie and Peter and Steve’s Brad and Tim and Adam and Martin and Matt.” She lists off the characters from his books.

“What? No.”

“Eddie, you’ve been writing a love story for you and Steve since the beginning,” Max tells him. “Aren’t you supposed to be the smart one here? Of the two of you?” Under her breath, she adds, “how is Steve the one who’s known all along?”

Eddie’s head snaps up to look at her then. “What.” It’s not a question. “What did you say?”

“I said,” Max says at a normal volume, enunciating, “How is Steve Harrington the one who’s known everything all along?”

“What does that mean?” His voice is getting increasingly desperate, pleading. “Max, what do you mean?”

Max rolls her eyes. “Steve’s been in love with you since you were twenty years old. He’s been waiting for you to figure out your shit. He’s read all your books. He’s watched you date other people and he hasn’t dated anyone. He’s waited for you, Eddie. He’s waited for you to decide what you want.”

Eddie can’t feel his hands. His feet are tingling, like they’ve fallen asleep. He can’t breathe. “He’s been waiting for me?” It comes out as a whisper.

“Yes, but…” Max trails off, looking at him with pity in her eyes. “When he left, I told him to stop waiting. I told him he deserved to be loved by someone who was brave enough to really love him.” He looks at her, an accusation in his brown eyes. “I didn’t think you were actually fucking stupid! I thought you were making a choice. I didn’t realize you really didn’t know that you could have him.” She rolls her eyes. “Didn’t he kiss you at the Golden Globes? And you left with that musician anyway. Even after that, Steve still waited. And didn’t he confess to you three nights ago? Didn’t he tell you what he wanted?” Max kind of looks like she’s on the verge of tears now and Eddie’s pretty close behind her.

30: Is there a fic,written by someone else, that you would love to do a remix of? What is it and why? oooohhhhhh, i don't know! all of my favorite fics are absolutely perfect as they are, but! i've read a kind of bring it on steddie au that i completely lost track of, but i think it would be fun to do like a real, proper bring it on au where eddie joins the team reluctantly and falls in love with head cheerleader steve. hijinks ensue. i can't think of a specific fic that i would remix tho!

thank you <3 :3

#ask game #long post #steddie #steddie fic

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jaggedwolf · 5 years

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2018 LGBTQ Recs

The usual yearly list of stuff with lgbtq stuff I’ve consumed this year that I thought were a fun time. Probably will be dominated by queer women because uh, I’m the one writing this list, man. Last year’s list is here. Any media with content warnings usually has said warnings listed wherever it’s linked, or wherever you’d get it.

Games/Interactive Fiction

Heaven Will Be Mine - Made by the creators of We Know The Devil, HWBM is a visual novel about three terrible girls piloting mechas and fighting each other for the fate of space - while occasionally making out with each other. IDK even how to describe how awesomely specific the atmosphere of it is, but it’s such a good spiritual successor to WKTD. If WKTD was about desire that you were certain was an impossibility for you, a forever unsure longing for something out of reach, HWBM’s about having this thing you know you have no right to, power that feels unearned - but you have it anyway, so what are you going to do with it?

Butterfly Soup - Look, it’s literally self-described as a “visual novel about gay asian girls playing baseball and falling in love” do I have to actually say more words about this than that, I guess I can. I adore all four main girls, it gave me the gay high school coming of age stuff I’m always down for + sportsball team feels + two pairings I’m Invested in. I am looking forward to that 2019 sequel so much.

Hustle Cat - Dating sim where you are an employee at a cat cafe and can date one of the other employees but there’s magic things happening you’re trying to figure out??? A very cute game, you can pick your character’s pronouns and one of six protag designs, there are 4 male love interests and 2 female ones so you can knock yourself out with the pairings your heart desires. Would cat again.

Kindred Spirits - Yuna is a high school student used to eating lunch alone on the roof...and one day she’s joined by two female ghosts that are a couple, and want her help with matchmaking a bunch of potential couples they’ve spotted around their all girls’ school, since she’s the only one who can see the ghosts. Super entertaining, and whole host of pairs to get invested in.

TV Shows

One Mississippi - It kicks off with Tig (played by, yep, that stand-up comedian Tig Notaro) returning to her hometown in Mississippi after her mother’s death, dealing with her stepfather and brother as they all settle mom’s affairs. It’s darkly humorous little show with a surprising amount of heart. It also had a surprise!duet of a song from Fun Home that like, messed me up a little in a good way. Still sad it got cancelled after season 2.

Comedy Specials

Nanette - It’s a tour de force of talking about comedy, about Gadsby’s specific experience growing up where she did as who she is but also about the general experience of misogyny and homophobia. There’s a part in the middle where she reveals the darker truth behind a funny story she shared at the beginning that still takes my breath away whenever I think about it. The exploration of that instinctual minimization of experiences of bigotry (hahaha aren’t they stupid) which fundamentally, covers up the very real possibility of violence lurking around those stories. You’re funny, until you’re a threat.

Rape Jokes - idk what to say here, man, it’s a really clever and somehow funny standup special about sexual assault and the culture surrounding it.

Happy To Be Here - It feels a little like a fault of mine that this is the first Tig Notaro special I’ve actually watched/listened to, considering the ones that launched her to fame. But this is such a happy, funny time of a special, with Notaro talking about family life and her new kitten, all with her usual dry take on things. Way way lighter than the previous two specials in this list.

Movies

The Miseducation of Cameron Post - I had my doubts going into this adaptation. My favorite part of the book was certainly the first half, as much as I loved the whole, and knowing the movie would focus on the latter half’s conversion therapy plot put me off. I’m happy to say I was very wrong. The movie’s focus gives it a purpose it wouldn’t otherwise, there’s good usage of contextualizing flashbacks, and it communicates so well that precise horror of the slow erosion of one’s self. Cameron, Adam and Jane can take the piss out of the camp as much as they want, but being there still takes something from them.

Love, Simon - I watched this in theatres twice. For the record, I usually watch like, 5 movies in theatres a year if I’m not being dragged by family to them, so, uh, I really enjoyed this movie, even the ~mystery~ of which guy Simon was emailing, and him jumping to conclusions every time. Simon looks So Done and Tired in 90% of his scenes and honestly if that’s not the one truth about being closeted in high school what is.

Books

Of Fire and Stars - F/F fantasy YA romance, combined with arranged marriages that have to be snuck around and secret magic powers. There’s a subplot about one of the girls learning to ride a horse, is the level of fantasy tropes we’re at here. A quick, fun read.

Queer America: A GLBT History of the 20th century - Read this for my gay and lesbian history class and liked it as the quick reader it was - lots of pointers to other sources, and like you’d want from any good history book, covers lots of different of viewpoints LGBTQ folks have had about lots of issues without ever doing the bullshit “All gay people thought X at this time period” claims. Intra-community arguing, always been a thing.

The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay - Spoilers, but the gay romance subplot in this novel uh, doesn’t end happily, but like, I really like Sammy Clay as a character, and the depiction of his life as a gay man writing superhero comics from the 40s well into the lavender scare and the congress hearings about comics promoting bad behaviour (read: gay) to impressional kids.

Podcasts

The Strange Case of Starship Iris - Uh, my new fandom obsession, in case that isn’t patently obvious. Tropey space opera podcast with a small disaster spaceship crew, and a clearly telegraphed f/f endgame that constantly delights me. Queer characters, purple aliens, found family feels, what else could I want from a space opera canon? (The answer is more episodes...please...)

The Penumbra Podcast - There are two main storylines, a sci-fi noir one and a fantasy one. I only listen to the sci-fi noir one but I love it, and the protagonist, angsty PI Juno Steel who suffers so well and also happens to be bi as hell. I also really like the Season 1 one-off episode The Coyote of the Painted Plains, or f/f Robin Hood fun-times. [I started listening to it and the other podcast listed below in 2017, but 2017 iteration of this list did not have a podcast section, because I was a fool]

Queer As Fact: Queer history podcast where every episode is the delightful experience of listening to a bunch of Australian history nerds talk about some cool queer person or object while being really smart and delightful. Apparently they sometimes record while sitting in a literal blanket fort and this makes me rank this podcast even higher in my heart.

#not on the list: critical role now has two canonically not-straight PCs and i love it but i feel like it doesn't quite fit on this list #then again one year i recced supergirl #so who knows #it's just a lot longer of a time commitment #recs #long post

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