#still i kept trying to stay
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The babies went on a date today 😊
#wenzhou#doll brainrot#first we watched the barbie movie (it was fun!)#then we stopped at the sunflower field on the way home (it was a bit cloudy but i'm happy i still managed to take some pics 😊)#last year was hard...#i couldn't stand watching the fandom fall apart and people leave so i was hardly ever here#still i kept trying to stay#but it's no longer fun...#so i've decided that the fandom life is not for me#i'm still too heartbroken and way too bitter#maybe one day if a miracle happens i'll be back#take care <3333
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Bluepoch gave us the gift of barely-subtext tragic sapphic-centric media do NOT throw that away.
Context regarding PJSK and Undertale under cut.
Project Sekai cast is dominated by female characters but mlm is more popular, meanwhile Undertale has canon wlw rep and oh my god they’re at the bottom. I have nothing against these fandoms or media (I’m literally currently/was in them) but yeah. I just HOPE r99 doesn’t end up in a similar state.
#mochagaming#if r99 ever gets even more popular and people somehow manage to out-yaoi the yuri i may actually buy a gun#‘write more yuri then’ I AM <3 AND LETS KEEP WRITING YURI R99 NATION#this is an irrational fear btw#especially since the fandoms i previously in kept fixating on the men in women-centric media#which is not bad#good for them#but its alienating for me LOL#thankfully rn r99 fandom is still diligent woman appreciators so thanks guys#keep it up#I HAVE NOTHING AGAINST MEN OR MLM#I JUST REALLY NEED THAT SAPPHIC SPOTLIGHT#LET THIS DESPERATE LESBIAN DREAM THAT HER FAV GAME STAYS YURIFUL#(because fandom activity genuinely affects the game itself so…)#reverse 1999#I am not trying to discourage any form of fandom content#But if I see someone complain about ‘lack of men’ in this game I… I genuinely dont know??? what to say???#we dont even have enough lesbian rep. it is always cast aside.#it should be prioritized (by bluepoch) i think#like to charge reblog to cast
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you're SO right, how is it that the best portrayal of many italian renaissance figures comes from a bad videogame from the 2010s
wheezing I’m torn between going truly this is the best portrayal of Leonardo da Vinci we may ever get, and defending AC2 even though I’m a full time Ezio Saga Hater
#I’m a Desmond Era + Origins fan in a ride or die kind of way but the Ezio games suck ass compared to 1 and 3#however AC2 is miles above the European Era games and Odyssey butchers the use of Ezio’s theme so bad I will never forgive them#also Odyssey is legitimately bad. AC2’s biggest problem is that the story is narratively weak and holds it’s punches#I mostly hate the Ezio saga because the fandom was really fucking racist (still is!) and it could’ve been good!!!#but I have a deep seated fondness for the parts of it that were good. the game after all is still asking you to live even when it’s hard#the opening and the music are unparalleled and legendary. I just wish it kept that up throughout the story instead of#trying for a wider appeal but the story fucks up it’s own themes and bc the simplicity of it’s assassin/templar line up is baffling#there is also an AC2 that exists in my head that takes place in Venice lmao but that’s much more spy thriller#also did anyone here read the novelizations. Ezio and Machiavelli are so fucking married. 10/10 no notes#Ascanio is also mentioned in the brotherhood novelization iirc so. we stay winning!!
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Honestly, I'm just waiting the Eddiesol relationship to be the breaking point for Chris and he goes off on Eddie about all his past relationships and how annoyed and tired he is of his current one:
Eddie: Chris, why are you so adamant on not getting to know Marisol?
Chris: Why are YOU so adamant on trying to find me a new mom?!
#911#911 abc#911 on abc#911 twitter#911 season 7#911 s7#911 s7 speculation#eddie díaz#christopher diaz#911 eddie#911 christopher#911 marisol#diaz boys#buckley diaz family#I saw something on twitter (probably an interview) where Ryan was talking about gavin#and how he played christopher off of how he played Eddie#so chris was probably bottling up his emotions#now I want him to snap at his dad#because I can only imagine how tired he is of his compute nonsense#bringing home girlfriend after girlfriend and they keep on leaving#now adding the layer of the trauma from shannon#and probably feeling like Eddie is trying to replace her#and it doesn't help that Pepa kept on arranging dates#he's probably sick of it all#and he wants it to end#I still headcanon that he didn't bother getting to know marisol cause he knows she ain't staying#and she keeps making the effort to connect but he ain't budging#he's just like “oh you're still here?”
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i feel so happy i have the urge to get on my hands and knees and worship something
#i’m emotional because i feel like recently i’ve been actually like genuinely happy#i thought i was going to feel broken forever. i thought i was going to feel like half a person forever#i’ve made so much progress#looking back i don’t know how i got through certain things i really don’t#i was being traumatized while also being severely tortured daily by my body pain#i hadn’t talked to my family or friends in months#i lost my mobility and i lost my independence and i lost everything i worked hard for#i felt like a dog and my nightmares still make sure to remind me how terrible it was#and the healing journey afterwards was somehow even worst because i was reliving it constantly. i feel like i fought so hard for my peace#i know i thought about offing myself multiple times#i don’t know what kept me alive…#i think i stayed for all the wrong reasons/people…. but either way i’m glad i stayed#i’m struggling with letting myself be happy because life has a way of taking everything from you just as you were getting comfortable#and i know bad things can and will happen wether i worry or not so the only thing i can do it try to savor and enjoy these beautiful moment#as best as i can and maybe these moments are what will keep me alive in the future#this year i don’t ‘want’ anything per say…. i just don’t want to lose anything…. like god i don’t ask for anything else…. just don’t take#anything from me that i love please 😭😭😭😭😭#brain vomit
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🐰🌧️
#so on my way home..#i walked by a school and besides the fact that i felt so depressed bc just looking at these kids and adults i have NO hope for the future#i saw two boys on a bench as i walked by... and i just thought they were talking. and too late i realized that no one of the boys were#bullying the other boy. the bully walked away and the other boy just sat there looking so lifeless and dejected#a teacher came and sat down w that boy and i just kept walking. even if i wanted to say smth it's like what would i even do abt that situati#that made me so sad both bc that boy.. he looked so dejected and used to it. that anxiety going to school knowing you're bullied is awful#and like i imagined talking to him and saying heyyy if you're lucky you'll grow up to be 25yrs old#live like a parasite off your mom and be on wellfare and never have had a job :)#you'll have no education or highschool diploma :) you will still struggle to finish hs even at an easier level :)#you will also not have had friends in 10yrs and you'll be terrified of ppl and getting close to anyone and even going outside!!#you'll have no interests and hobbies and skills! you'll simply be a waste of space loser being a burden on everyone around u!#whoop whoop stay alive buddy it will only get worse ❤️#god i just wanna cry. how did i let my life turn out this way??? i used to be full of dreams and life and passion and HOPE#i used to believe in things and in people. i had so many dreams and i wanted to try and do so many things#now all i can think is 'i wanna die i wanna die i wanna die'. im miserable wherever i go lmao#there's this bridge over the highway i have to cross when i walk to school and every time i look down at the trafic and when a truck drives#by i feel my entire body vibrate. i just wanna jump and get mauled by it.#or i dont *want* to but i feel so deeply and desperately that it's the only way for me#only way to make it stop hurting. and i am weak. i dont know how to just 'stop' or take control of my life. thats why i wanna die#bc i know that i wont be able to. that my life will never amount to anything#for fuck's sake my dream now is just to have my own 1bedroom apartment and have a shitty job - like in a grocery store or whatever!!!!!#not even that can i make happen! bc im so worthless i cant do anything. im also stupid so i wouldnt be able to do my job right#i dont know... i dont know... these feelings and thoughts are too much i just wanna relax#but i cant bc my ribs hurt and idk if it's heartburn or an ulcer 💀 why am i even alive???? what am i doing all this for? 😭#my thoughts ran away but i meant like seeing that reminded me of how much of a failure i became#bc of my circumstances and all the shitty ppl around me thru out my life
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people often assume when we all go out together that I'm my half brothers mom (I'm 20 years older than him) & that his parents are his grandparents & it's so funny bc I know it bothers them. old ass idiots
#my dad was 49 & his wife was 45 when they had him#the story behind his birth is actually extremely fucked up like everything else about their relationship#so my dad left her like a million times to try to go back to my mom (who kept telling him no unless he sorted out his issues) then he#would always run right back to her & she always took him back. anyways i guess he said smth along the lines of#''my wife (he was still married to my mom) will always be the love of my life bc shes the mother of my kids''#and...she went off bc & on fertility treatments without telling him. then shes pregnant & he is still saying he wants to come back to us#so she said he will never see their kid & her son from a previous marraige THREATENED MY DAD AT GUNPOINT#and said if you ever leave my mom again ill fucking kill yoi#so then the divorce was finalized & they got married & my half brother was born. rest is history#for the record i dont feel sorry for my dad at all it was his fault too. the fucking hypocrite was having sex before marriage#and he knew she was nuts & far too attached to her#what a fucking idiot. all he had to do was get on meds & in therapy & admit he was wrong & he could have stayed with us#but he needed constant validation & to be in charge of everything & thats what his new wife gives him. she converted to his cult & now they#raise my brother in it. and she just does whatever my dad wants & lets him treat her like shit. i would actually feel sorry for her if sh#if she werent such a fucking awful person. and she tries to be all nicey nice w/us despite being a literal homewrecker.#and doing things like telling my dad he cant spend more than 50 dollars per year on each of us#while having him buy her a third car & a 1500 dollar fur coat. lol#theyre so much better off financially than us that its unreal. my mom doesnt get a penny despite how much we are struggling#but if i want a relationship with my half brother i just have to pretend none of this is weird or wrong.#anyways i just hope he never finds out the circumstances of his birth bc god can you fucking imagine
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i’m pretty sure the reason we got nagosaka’s second round of solos mimicking the og album art was bc kr was making a concerted effort to bridge the gap between the amount of music the ogs and nagosaka have lol
but those first solos for the og divisions were their beginnings as characters so maybe we can pretend round two solos for nagosaka is their true beginning lol
#vee queued to fill the void#both sasara and kuukou backslid in terms of development between the mcd era and 2nd drb#and i blame the true hypnosis mic lol#sasara while still a flighty sonuva btch opened himself up to samatoki in a way he should have with rosho (bc of his past with rosho)#and kuukou believe it or not lol would not be the type to trash an entire establishment and stay blind to his team’s needs back in the day#like kuukou is quite literally learning that lesson about not charging bullishly at others’ problems in both the unami chapter and nb track#and what does he do with jyushi and hitoya in harmonious cooperation???? charge bullishly at them assuming that’s all it’d take to help them#frfr both sasara and kuukou backslid lol#post 2nd drb tho???? with these solos????? where they’re fundamentally the same but show the lessons learned?????#these solos are their starting point ACTUALLY lol#which would make nagosaka’s first solos more representative of their pasts ngl!!!!!!#like those solos probably suit the nagosaka in the first manga run!!!!!#kuukou cocky as shit jyushi defined by his past hitoya’s finest rizz but heart hidden#sasara my life’s a tragic comedy let me run away to find a different outlook rosho trying to figure out how to stand on his own#rei the mastermind and that’s all you need to know lol it lines up very well#man!!!!!! that’s some good shit lol!!!!! this is the stuff that has kept me in hypmic for half a decade LMAO
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ngl it’s genuinely kinda crazy how much of my life i have lost to mental illness :3 lol
#purrs#not time wise necessarily but like… aspect wise. like talking to my friends and pursuing hobbies and doing things that give my life meaning#and the very nature of the mental illness reinforces the detachment and fills me with so so so much shame for having lost these things that#it deters me from fighting to get it back. i feel like my life has gotten so gaunt since covid hit and sometimes it occurs to me how many#terrible things ahve happened and how im still pushing forward and everything is fine except for when i Remember. im feeling it now mr krab#delete later#like i used to be someone who hung out with my friends at least once a week and texted back and wrote poetry and played piano and kept my#room clean and took great care to stay organized and connected. and now at my own hands i am spiralling through space. im fighting my way#out of the quicksand i really think i am trying to but im still very much in the quicksand 😻#side note idk if anyone else is having this problem but lately tumblr has been adding two hashtags to tags which keeps knocking off an#extra character to the end of my tags and it’s fucking annoying. i meant *krabs not krab lol
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i deserve financial compensation for the amount of fucking hoops i had to jump through to enable tipping on here
#mar.txt#this is /j obviously i'm just trying to be lighthearted to cope with the Anger ha ha ha :)#oh the urge to throw my phone as hard as possible into a hard surface. but i cannot. not Yet at least. but once i get a job and can get a#new one......... this one's getting destroyed through Brute Force :)#lets see how many times did i have to re-login and redo Everything because the verification thing wouldn't accept my id picture bc it was#'too blurry' so i had to take a picture with my phone camera but i had to clear app caches first because this phone is constantly at 99-100#storage space. but Then because it fucking sucks ass and if i Breathe in the direction of another app whatever app i just tabbed off of#crashes and i have to reopen it. i had to log back in Again which meant waiting for the text message verification code Again (i live in the#middle of nowhere with a phone that Refuses to use the wifi for calls/texts and instead only uses the shitty cell service)#because Apparently tumblr users aren't allowed to stay logged in nor log in with a password. and Then i had to take a picture of the back#of my id too and i tried using my phone camera straight from the gallery option when i clicked upload. but because my phone sucks That also#crashed my browser and made me log back in. this isnt even counting btw how many times i TRIED to do it through tumblr but it kept stalling#and making me back all the way out log all the way back in and wait on it again for it to go further so i said fuck it and went to my#browser to do it. so i log back in and then i find out not only did attempting to take that picture crash my browser but it didnt even#actually TAKE the picture. so i have to click back over to my camera app Again and take the picture Again and log back in and wait the eons#it takes for things on this phone to load AGAIN. and then i Finally. FINALLY get it completed.#oh but did you think that was all? oh no i STILL had to log back in and load all the way back in Again through tumblr one final time to tel#the app i had done all that! and THEN i could turn tipping on. right?#no. i then had to close the app and reopen it again for it to Let me enable it. otherwise it just tried to take me back to stripe then#proceeded to give me an error message when i tried. great job tumblr#anyways that was infuriating#lmao i forgot to finish the original thought and check#anyways. around 7 or 8 times. that took almost a half hour of struggling i'm pretty sure. enraging☺
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Took this Columbus Indigenous People's Day off (that I gifted myself) to accidentally sleep in but still run an errand and squeeze in some light fall shopping
#ore no kao#had stayed up til... past 4am trying to recover what work i could that i'd backed up in places#still would have a ton to make up and redo#at least if these data recovery techs i dropped my old drive with arent successful#but they sounded optimistic so fingers crossed... 🤞🏽#(it'd be $350ish but given how much i need all of that i can dip into some savings 😭)#[also had smiled at this cute guy before we got on the train and kept looking back at each other#but the situation was a bit complicated by some guy ranting and raving about people needing to... hate each other?#idk lol#but cynical as i can be sometimes with the way the world is i cant imagine thinking the solution to it isnt more love in the world]#[cute guy got off a stop before my bus ride stop so he's nearby at least lol]
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no context catverse content but in case anyone was wondering i have like. several xxxholic ocs and i love them dearly
#akatama real#theres gonna b a lot of ocs in catverse but the idea is they should all fit the vibes of the original universe#like i want it to feel seamless and fun so you dont even really blink before registering them as holic characters u feel?#catverse#cat and canary#xxxholic au#xxxholic#fic snippets#kinda#i have a lot of rambles im trying to screenshot and put in a folder so i dont forget haha#tama is going to be entangled w akagumo from xxxholic 2022 and such#takes him in after he gets mysteriously kicked out of The Box#eiko is the late wife of the building manager where douwata r staying#not officially obviously but like#in spirit#she passed away a long time ago but she still has the same routine w her wife and stayed behind to take care of her and wait for her#its rly sweet#and the side effect of that is she can kind of interact w the boys and spirits alike since she hangs inbetween as a ghost#her strong will kept her in a pretty intact state although she cant be seen by nornal humans#crucially she loves adventures and carries a spirit camera so she can take photos only spirit seers can see#she hangs out w the main characters a lil bit for funsies#the key point with the building manager and her partner is they are YET MORE meddling grandma figures and this will be very fun#i think old ladies that watanuki respects greatly also being meddling schemers who want the best for him is cute and i want more of that#anyway these r just a couple of the ocs lol theres a lot more yokai characters and the gang at himas university too#ayano....girl of all time#mayu obviously#kouya because im adding ya to all the doumeki family members names for fun#miyo the building manager lady#theres way more and also obviously cat and canary as watanuki derivatives#my fucked up little meow meows....
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Sometimes I take a new set and even if I really like it ✨aesthetically✨ I still worry that it's Not Horny Enough and that it'll scare off my paying subscribers if I'm not constantly being as lewd as possible
#creator concerns#took an outside set today that I liked a lot (mostly because I used a bubble machine and it made for some very fun stills)#but there was less cover/privacy than I would have liked so I didn't really strip down as much as I had originally planned#so like kept thinking dang am I going to lose what few subscribers I have if I don't act sluttier?#but ultimately i am doing this as a way to try to stay connected with my own body so maybe it's ok that I just take sets that *I* like too#extremely grateful that I can just do this as a side hustle and not have too much riding on it financially#which is good because I mostly average >$100/month after OF takes their cut#plus the awesome stuff folks send me from my wishlist sometimes 😊#I've gotten more wishlist gifts in the last year than I've gotten regular birthday and xmas gifts combined#so that's a win
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CUT IT!!! RIP IT!!! SMASH IT!!
#so glad they kept this#it's silly but i love this bit#all of them just on the exact same wavelength fully threatening him#the OG had a funny visual since after their threat they all stay with one foot on the bed (like Tifa in the last screen)#and they stay there until all of them are alligned - all three with their feet on the bed - threatening him#the visual is so funny#here Cloud is not trying as hard smh#but still. love that they kept it#(also for context yeah the girls got changed thanks to Leslie and when they barged in they gave Cloud his stuff)#(so he changed in front of Corneo and it was uncomfortable to watch! anyway!)#(and i don't think i'll post it so)#and then Corneo explained the plan (blowing up the pillar over sector 7's plate to crush down Avalanche (literally.)#while also framing Avalanche for it so they're blamed for it#and it would kill everyone in Sector 7 and in the Sector up above#and so the three of them tried to rush outside#but Corneo had us fall from the trapdoor next to his bed#so now we're in the sewers.#ichablogging ffviirg
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okay i know we all know OFMD has helped queer people not only feel seen but in other ways too. it's helped poc and neurodiverse folks and fat folks and disabled folks. i fit into most of those categories and i feel so seen and safe in this space.
but wanna hear a silly little way it's managed to help even my straight, neurotypical, tiny little sister cope with the world? to her OFMD was her sister's pirate brainrot show. then i made her watch it and to her, it's still just a funny, albeit heartwarming show.
but. she's no longer deathly afraid of gulls, because all gulls can be karl and livvy.
fucking amazing.
#that's it#that worked#i started calling gulls karl and livvy and i could see an IMMEDIATE difference in her anxiety responses#eventually she had a fuckung CONVERSATION with a gull#NEVER eould have happened before#still flinches if a gull dives too close or whatever but then one of us would call it karl and she'd calm down#which never used to happen#she'd just stay keyed up#nothing would work to calm her down we'd just have to leave the space eventually#she'd keep eyeing it and even if it left she'd keep an ear out#but now#it's a WORLD of difference#of course she's still anxious it doesn't just go away#but now she can bring silliness into it#and be like the 'bird guy'#she loved karl she teared up when he died#and she kept telling me he wanted mr buttons for a roommate#she can channel those feelings to try and overtake the anxiety#i'm so happy it worked for her im tearing up a bit#our flag means death#ofmd#karl the seagull#karl#internal monologue
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saying "this is unbearable" abt things yet still continuing to bear them. give it up for the human spirit everyone 🙏👆👍💪💪💪❗❗❗
#guy who has given up 999999999 times but has then kept going 1000000000000 times despite it..#this is abt aforementioned work situations and also new awful work situation. this time i got yelled at by a customer bc i wouldn't leave#when i opened the glass case for them which is like. a showcase with these glass doors that only employees can open with specific keys in#which the more expensive bags & jewelry & watches etc reside and if a customer asks if we can open it so they can view or try on a thing#inside we have to stay by them until they're done looking or trying on and have decided they're gonna take it (or not) because we have had#things stolen so many times here u wouldn't believe. so we're told to stay thus i had to stay till she was finished and she didn't rlly lik#that one i guess.. anyway while i do not give a shit what a random woman thinks of me i am very bad with getting yelled at so. fun times.#still red in the face as i'm typing this. it's fine though i didn't cry 👍 a near thing though but that's also fine i'm gonna go to the#staff toilets and sneak my trusty wired earphones in with me and listen to whale song until i've calmed down#can't wait to get home and eat and shower and get in my sweatpants and drink a beer or possibly some wine and watch attorney woo and then#later this evening play a game on the ps5 with my siblings and eat late-night snacks and drink another beer or possibly some more wine and#forget all about the start of this day <33333 and scroll through tumblr somewhere in between there and also do my duolingo lest i lose my#stupid streak. peace n love on planet earth once i get home <3333#r.txt
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