#starting to genuinely consider the idea that maybe I’m not aromantic—maybe I’m very socially anxious and I’ve been depressed for a long time
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How to explain the kind of loneliness I’ve felt in touch with this weekend: I don’t want to have to ask permission to hug someone, I want to hold and be held.
#it’s very strange bc realistically things are really good for me#i have some sources of stress—i won’t say that doesn’t exist—#but I’m getting genuinely close with my friends and getting more in touch w my emotions etc#i think what it is is that as things get better you’re able to undo some of the emotional anesthetic#and some of the less important warning signs get harder to ignore#starting to genuinely consider the idea that maybe I’m not aromantic—maybe I’m very socially anxious and I’ve been depressed for a long time#i mean. the thought of like living with one person the rest of my life is kind of tough#but now as im getting close with my friends i want to get even closer#you know? i want to put my head on their lap.#sucking my friends off is genuinely really fun and fulfilling but there are other kinds of closeness that im recognizing i need#btw if ur reading this & we ever meet in person & u want to#id love to suck you off or put my head on your lap. or both. or just be close some other way#nearly cried earlier this evening when one of my cast mates killed this beautiful wolf spider#it’s been weird#trying to get thru the week yk
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