#sorry to sadpost on main but like
Text
even when I do feel pretty, I DON'T feel pretty, you know what I mean??
#i don't either#my makeup is literally so pretty and I'm so cute but also if I look in a mirror I just kinda wanna cry#sorry to sadpost on main but like#i just wanna feel pretty again but idk how T_T#vent post
0 notes
Text
I've written tonight off as one of those "I'm probably still gonna feel sad and lonely no matter what" type evenings and doing stuff has taken the edge off it but I really hope it's just gonna be this evening and not continue into tomorrow or the rest of this week..... hopefully I can just sleep it off augh
#wastepaper basket#Sorry for fucking. Sadposting on main I'm just having a rough time of it & need to get it out somewhere#Hate feeling like a downer but idk where else to get it out until my next therapy appt lmao
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
maybe the prophetic dreams are compensation for the fact that i probably wont be alive to see the future.
#sadposting.#nothing is up btw in case ur worried im just feeling dreadful. absolutely dread-full#i should probably stop staying up.#would probably miss out on the prophetic dreams AHAHAHAHA /hj
0 notes
Text
.
#sorry to sadpost on main but#I wish my brain wasn’t my literal worst enemy#like at this point I’m just like#my brain will literally never let me be happy#so what’s even the point of all this#like maybe it’s dramatic. but it feels very much like this sadness is just#never going to end.#but oh well#I really can’t even blame anyone/anything but myself#sorry for no readmore. on mobile
1 note
·
View note
Text
sorry to keep sadposting on main but i don't. really know what to do at this point. because like she's been my best friend for seven years and i've been in love with her for nearly four of them, and it has been truly?? unbearable??? and i know if i told her then it would ruin our friendship but i'm scared that if i don't say anything im going to end up ruining our friendship anyway
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
We often find ourself writing a vent post, letting sit in drafts, then deleting it after we’ve cooled down. It’s honestly healthier for everyone than unloading our shit online all the time asjakdjhdjsfsd
Or we’ll post something about being sad/lonely/hurting/whatever, then another alter will front later, see it and be like “ew…. Gross no thanks” *deletes post*
So uh sorry if you see us ever being sad on main… hopefully the system’s cleanup crew will keep routinely deleting sadposts lol
#like this one#sys.txt#if aplatonic then why so horribly lonely and empty all the time#if mentally ill then why Simon
1 note
·
View note
Text
.
#sorry to sadpost on main#but this is affecting me way more than i thought it would#it feels like the only two ways to read being excluded here is#either they tolerate me or i mean so little to them that they forgot about me#NEITHER OF WHICH MAKE ME FEEL SUPER GOOD ABOUT THIS#ive done thanksgiving with these people for 5 years now#ive spent thousands of dollars and its one of the highlights of my year#and now i feel mortified and like ive been imposing myself the whole time#and like honestly i never properly processed my first breakup#and it means i no longer trust my own negative feelings#and i feel insane because i don't know if how upset i feel is real#ive spent two days alternating between trying to get super fucked up so i wont think about it#and obsessing with trying to find a charitable excuse#but like they went to palm springs thats literally 2.5 hours away for me by car#LITERALLY EVERYONE from that friend group was there but me#i feel legit humilated rn#like do i even want to go to thanksgiving?? do they even want me there??#sike of course i am because its my biggest social event of the year because im a pathetic loser#fuck god i wish i could just make friends like a normal person why cant i be fucking NORMAL#WHY AM I LIKE THIS I HATE THIS
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
.✌🏼
#sadposting on main sorry#i feel like i used to be so nice like what happened#idk. i just wish i was more likable#even though im the one standing in the way of that#and i wish that i was as familiar with joy as i am with sadness#me & joy are acquaintances#i wonder if i’ll ever get to know her as a friend
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
man, i feel really bad i don’t talk a lot about my ocs a lot it’s mostly because they all have, like layers upon layers upon layers of lore that only like one person knows and it’s like a lot to try and make it simple. though i really want to have like some palatable content. i’m like, wondering if i need to sort of... raze my ocs to the ground and rebuild something that is like Completely Documented and kind of... i guess understandable enough for people to engage w it
#sorry to sadpost on main fellas im like.. hm#see the thing is that i LOVE some of the concepts i have going on and while yes i can just dust em off some are really situational#lautrec is cool but he's not developed and feels like a prop and same for like ulcaarion and cottonmouth and like... basically everyone#who isnt lun and even then he has like secret lore and im not like sure of myself if hes likeable#so im.. i guess thinking on shelving EVERYTHING here well not everything i might still do story things w lun or maybe lautrec#and like.. create something new thats completely documented and like easy to introduce#and i guess. i shelf most of the concepts to reuse someday again?#i dont know quarantine is making me crazyyyy
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
GOD god it’s crazy bc when I was making up a timeline for my final paper I completely forgot that I also have other fucking classs and also am living in this world and have to do shit like get my car inspected so they stop leaving tickets every FUCKING day and now the day is over and I haven’t gotten a damn thing done
0 notes
Note
not to sadpost on main but i always interpreted the "sorry lad/lass" line as bryn being horribly depressed and throwing himself into work to cope. like this man's whole life was the guild. his first reaction when learning what mercer did was "no, this cant be happening. ive known mercer too long this can't be real." then immediately afterwards he SELLS HIS SOUL and cant even help with killing mercer because he was forced to fight karliah. his whole world has been rocked several times over and it sends him spiraling so he the only thing he can think to do and lets his job consume him.
ABSOLUTELY god he has feelings!!!!!
the "more important" things he has to do it filling his time with so many tasks and to do lists that he doesn't have time to formulate a single thought. he works himself until he literally can't do anything else and passes out for a few restless hours. he misses the ldb so much but can't look at you for too long or he'll start to see all the things you've done together.
when he looks at you, he sees the cavern filling with water. he sees mercer attacking you. he sees you in the nocturnal's cave as you sold your souls. he sees how bright-eyed and hopeful you both used to be and he can't stand it.
nothing makes sense, so he keeps his head down and focuses only on the jobs that need to be done. it's the only thing he can do.
35 notes
·
View notes
Text
it just makes my heart hurt. sorry for sadposting on main like im in high school again but apparently it is high school again bc one of my closest friends stopped talking to me so like. pretty broken up over that !
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
Chatlog between @lilies-on-water and @knowledge-is-prediction
[Immediately after this post.]
lilies-on-water
are you okay?
knowledge-is-prediction
yes
ugh did you see the sadposting
lilies-on-water
I did
knowledge-is-prediction
sorry
lilies-on-water
you don't have to be
knowledge-is-prediction
I'm okay really, I just had insomnia
lilies-on-water
I just - I'll give you S and Jeanne but do you really think Asher and I have each other more than we have you?
knowledge-is-prediction
[lev doesn't respond for a long time]
yeah kinda
lilies-on-water
he married *you.* and I moved to a different country to be with *you.*
knowledge-is-prediction
do we have to talk about this
lilies-on-water
we don't have to, but that's not true and it's important to me that you know it
knowledge-is-prediction
you don't have to lie to me
lilies-on-water
I'm not lying to you
I've never lied to you
knowledge-is-prediction
asher married me before he met you, you moved here before you met him
you're both... better than I am
it's *okay*
lilies-on-water
what would being better than you even *mean*
knowledge-is-prediction
I don't actually want to list off all my flaws as a person, that doesn't seem like it would be great for my self-esteem
I've had this fight with asher, I don't really want to have it again
lilies-on-water
do you think asher and I *don't* have flaws?
knowledge-is-prediction
my flaws are much more pervasive and all-encompassing!
lilies-on-water
I'm not going to make you list off everything about you that you think is a flaw, that sounds like it wouldn't accomplish anything except making you feel worse about yourself
knowledge-is-prediction
oh good I'm glad we're skipping that part of the fight
that is one improvement on having this fight with asher
lilies-on-water
I wasn't actually asking what you thought your flaws were in the first place
I don't do "better person" as a concept? not in the virtue way that gileadites mean it and not in this way either, whatever the way you mean it is
knowledge-is-prediction
and yet you are dating me and not, like, a randomly selected cascadian
lilies-on-water
because I love you
knowledge-is-prediction
but *why*
lilies-on-water
you're smart and you're funny and you care about me and you make me laugh and you reach out and you're really good at explaining the things you're passionate about and you like listening to me and
I love you? It has nothing to do with whether you are Objectively The Best Person In Cascadia. what would Objectively The Best Person In Cascadia even *mean.*
knowledge-is-prediction
if you find someone who is smarter and funnier and who makes you laugh more and is better at explaining things and all the rest of it then you would love *them*and then I'd be all alone
lilies-on-water
they wouldn't be you
knowledge-is-prediction
but *why would you care about that*
lilies-on-water
I don't know how to say this except "I love you" and clearly that isn't working
I love *you,* not an abstract list of your positive qualities
knowledge-is-prediction
yes I know I am very frustrating, it's on the bad-qualities list
this is why I don't like having this argument
lilies-on-water
the only person I'm frustrated with is myself, for not being able to get this concept across
I am not frustrated with you
knowledge-is-prediction
I... don't want you to be frustrated with yourself either
because if you are frustrated with yourself a lot about me then interacting with me will be really unpleasant
and then you'll leave
lilies-on-water
when I started dating you I started eating normal meals again
before that breakfast was an apple. maybe two on a good day. I didn't even realize I didn't like apples because I was always so hungry that I'd look forward to it.
and then I found *you,* and I just. wasn't lonely anymore. I didn't have to disconnect, because there was anything good in my life to connect to.
I love you. no amount of being frustrated with myself that I don't know how to explain something is going to erase that.
knowledge-is-prediction
but now you have lots of good things
and that's good
I want you to have good things
but
I'm not irreplaceable
lilies-on-water
people aren't goldfish
nobody is replaceable
knowledge-is-prediction
[five minutes of "lev is typing..."]
do you mean that
lilies-on-water
I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it
knowledge-is-prediction
I want to believe you
but I don't
but maybe someday I will
lilies-on-water
okay
I love you
knowledge-is-prediction
when I get in this fight with asher he tells me all about the good qualities he thinks I have
and how I should believe I have them
and it's scary
because it feels like I'm tricking him
lilies-on-water
I'm sorry
knowledge-is-prediction
I think he is too perfect to empathize with those of us who are... not
lilies-on-water
yeah, he does that with me too
I know he means well but like..... I am Actually Just Stressed by being around Bee, and no amount of telling me that I'm going to be great at interacting with her as soon as I try will fix that
knowledge-is-prediction
I told him to cut it out
when I noticed that face you were making about it
lilies-on-water
thank you
I just - knowing he thinks I could definitely get a higher-paying job is nice I guess, but he just has no idea when to stop poking unless you tell him
knowledge-is-prediction
he's trying to be reassuring and encouraging
but he doesn't... understand that other people are not perfect
he'll cut it out if you tell him to fuck off
lilies-on-water
I know he's trying, it's the main reason I haven't yelled at him about it
I'll do that
thank you
knowledge-is-prediction
he doesn't mind being yelled at, he likes being called an idiot when he's being an idiot
I'm *sure* you've heard me doing it
lilies-on-water
I have, I just
you're his person
lots of things are different when they're coming from your person
knowledge-is-prediction
lily you're also his person
like he takes being called an idiot well from everyone, the I'm-his-person thing is that he doesn't call *me* one, but... you are also definitely his person
lilies-on-water
...I want to say something about how he doesn't have cute anecdotes about the first time *I* corrected him on something but I do have more than half an ounce of self awareness so I'm just going to take your word for it
knowledge-is-prediction
you also didn't think you hated him for two years so I think it works out even
lilies-on-water
this is true
knowledge-is-prediction
but seriously he is all the time like "Sasha, Sasha, Sasha, Sasha is wonderful, Sasha is so great, do you think Sasha would like this, Sasha said the funniest thing the other day"
it's not... super-great for my insecurity
he's pushy about the baby thing because he's worried about how it's gonna work when he and I have kids
lilies-on-water
he talks about you all the time to me, if it helps
I don't know what'll happen when you and he have kids. probably I'll keep being the weird uncle who lives in the cottage in the backyard. it's not like having me be the weird uncle to your kids is unworkable
knowledge-is-prediction
he's worried you won't want to because he loves you and wants to marry you and be with you forever
lilies-on-water
I've typed and deleted six variants on "was I going to be informed of this at any point" and I don't think I can get it to sound less like I dislike the idea, but I genuinely don't dislike the idea of marrying the two of you
knowledge-is-prediction
sorry that was a fuckup
we did talk about it before you came here
lilies-on-water
you mentioned it was hypothetically possible
which is not the same thing as casually saying "maybe I'll push after we get married" like it's a near-future plan
knowledge-is-prediction
sorry
lilies-on-water
but yes we did talk about it. and I am even more enthusiastic now than I was then.
knowledge-is-prediction
...oh
that's good
lilies-on-water
I love you
I love being with you and I would love to be married to you
knowledge-is-prediction
sorry about the bad communication
lilies-on-water
the only reservations I had were things like "will we be able to live in the same house and make it work" and now that we've tried it it turns out the answer is yes
knowledge-is-prediction
well, if you have a cottage in the back away from babies, anyway <3
lilies-on-water
<33
knowledge-is-prediction
--in my defense I was in fact *right*
lilies-on-water
you totally were
knowledge-is-prediction
but you're right I should have talked to you before I talked to tumblr
I
did you mean the thing about me being irreplaceable
lilies-on-water
I wouldn't have said it if I didn't mean it
knowledge-is-prediction
I feel all warm and glowy inside and I keep thinking about it and smiling
where are you
lilies-on-water
in the kitchen but I can be in your room if you want me to be
knowledge-is-prediction
I want to cuddle you and hear you tell me that
in person
lilies-on-water
<333
on my way
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
like im sorry for sadposting on main or what the fuck ever but im at work and about to break down bc i’m nothing but a burden to my family lol
#if i hadnt been selfish and gone to college we might still be able to afford shit and we cant even afford for me to finish college#so like. whats the point.
1 note
·
View note
Text
:/
#on that note tho im Very Sad RN#bc i played tennis earlier and now i cant walk#my left leg is just completely fucked#it took me smth like three minutes to get up my ONE staircase#i wanna shower but idk if i can stand that long#Why Cant I Be Normal Lol#negative#anyway sorry for sadposting on main im Lonely
0 notes
Text
‘‘‘‘‘
#hey. its me again. back on my bullshit sadposting on main#i really feel bad to all the people that interact or talk to me at school#im just?? annoying?? and all i do is whine whine whine all night (i dont deserve to live) why not KILL MYSELF (here have a sedative)#ok that started not working at the end sorry heathers#my mind tells me people dont care about me but i want them to so badly#and it doesnt even make sense !!!! im setting next to you and were friends and you're talking to the person across from you and im alone?#THEY HATE ME#i hope its not true but#i cant escape it#and then people ask if im ok and im like haahha lol im fine#when in fact i am not fine#i just want to be anyone else. anyone#anyone but me (excluding like. bad people since i havent done aanything like super bad like murder or something but you knowwhat i mean)#what made me this way thats the real question#idk maybe ive been just putting up an act for so damn long its just all pourin out now nooooon STOP#tldr; i hate myself and my brain and life sucks forever goodbye
0 notes
Last Seen Blogs
momonokopan
space-time wanderer
1way2mars
tuki
flyfiehel
𓍊𓋼 Flyfiehel 𓋼𓍊
valiantheartdorcas
Courageous
kattaklysm
Unbetitelt