#sorry i am about to become so insufferable and unfortunately i cannot apologize | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

catastrxblues · 11 months

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ok some quick bridgerton season one thoughts !!!

(everyone look AWAY. this will actually feel as if it was written by someone who has lost her sanity, which i mean, not far off, but you know)

first and foremost though, benedict bridgerton, hi love <3

i love eloise so much. there is no word for it. she is my new comfort character, and i will support all of her wrongs actually yes i will.

i've been screaming about this one for the past hour but POLIN. penelope and colin. them. i am screaming. i cannot breathe. my soul has left my body and it has not come back yet. i live vicariously and exclusively through them. i love them so much. i apologize for the person i will become when their season comes out, i will be the most annoying and insufferable person. sorry in advance.

(also unfortunately i stupidly decided to watch the bridgerton season 2 trailer before actually finishing this first season, so the whole pen as lady whistledown surprise had actually already been ruined for me before i got there 😔)

anthony bridgerton, i have my eyes on you for season 2. you have BETTER be as good as others have told me, i will NOT have anything less.

ok, time to talk about them. honestly, daphne and simon became SO much less interesting for me at the second half of the show. Now i know there are people who were never actually invested in them at all, and thought of them as boring and bland, but look, i'm a basic hopeless romantic bitch okay so i actually ate that first half of the season UP. But what was up with the second half 😭 go girl give us nothing. They went downhill, down the rabbit hole, into the depth of the abyss. and *that scene* (you know what scene i'm talking about)??? i didn't find the development well-written nor satisfying at the very least, but well what can i do. they could be cute sometimes i guess as long as they stay like AT LEAST 20 cm apart from each other.

anyway bye, i need to revise my physics material </3

#this doesn't make sense #but blame physics not me #my mind is in disarray because of it #anyways #bridgerants #benedict bridgerton #eloise bridgerton #penelope featherington #colin bridgerton #colin x penelope #polin #anthony bridgerton #daphne bridgerton #simon basset #bridgerton season 1 #bridgerton #nadirants

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xae-in-a-coat · 3 years

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Various doodles to fight the insufferable art block

Concept design/reference sheet for Xaje’s Lesser Nobodies(Bards):

Xaje’s joke weapons(the Pointless Quill & Eraser-less Pencil):

A newly recompleted Jae & tiny protagonist:

‘Shoo! Get away you bothersome creature of light! This here is my bread! Mine! Not yours!-’ :

Battle description + doodle:

As previously stated during my first rendition of Organization members I, II, & III, yours truly is currently(& quite unfortunately)caught within the throes of an art block. &, as painstakingly desperate as I am to get the progress moving along, that bloody motivation sucking monster simply won’t allow me to do so without a fight. So, here I am now, chipping away at smaller, more manageable, subject matters(including that of a soon-to-be-posted comic). Hopefully you’ll all still be patiently waiting till then. Here, take two of my latest unanimated cutscenes:

*Standing atop the balcony of an undisclosed building, our hero & villain find themselves eyeing an obliviously lovestruck duo strolling dreamily below. Protagonist, with admiration, & Xaje… Not so much.*

Protagonist: Aww, they’re together! Isn’t that just the most romantic thing!

Xaje: Ugh, romance this & romance that, don’t you light dwellers ever grow tired of the sappy genre?

Protagonist: Well it isn’t my favorite thing of course, but still- There’s just something magical about seeing… You know… That.

*The camera pans down onto the couple once more, now revealing that they’ve embraced each other in a sense(much to Xaje’s disgust).*

Xaje: Oh the things love will make people do, such foolishness simply cannot be handled without at least the slightest whim of violence. Here, allow me to demonstrate.

*He snaps his fingers, swift & sudden, summoning a manageable, but nonetheless shocking, amount of his Bards. Watching with malevolent satisfaction as they interrupted the lovers in their moment.*

Protagonist: XAJE NO!-

*In a haste to halt the unnecessary attack, our Protagonist summons their Keyblade & rushed to jump down towards the scene, would Xaje have not removed the creatures himself. Which, luckily, he had. Using his free hand, he grabbed their arm in a vice grip seconds before they could leap.*

Xaje: Tch, save the heroics for a better time P/N, that was simply a brief demonstration of my words, remember? Besides, these two can handle themselves.

*Nodding towards the sweethearts, who were now in a state of utter shock rather than dreaminess, he scowled.*

Protagonist: YOU SCARED THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS OUTTA THEM YOU SOULLESS RAT!

Xaje: ‘Soulless Rat?’ Heh, well that’s new.

Protagonist: & DON’T FORGET DARKNESS DRUNKEN, PEN COLLECTING, ENGLISH LANGUAGE ARTS OBSESSED, ANGSTY FANFIC WRITER!-

Xaje: Wow, I’m impressed. How long did it take you to come up with all that?

Protagonist: A lil while I guess, I’m not exactly sure what goes on in that misshapen brain of mine when I’m all fired up, you know?

Xaje: I’d understand that more than anyone P/N.

*They stood in silence for a short moment. Xaje’s hand still closed tightly around Protagonist’s arm. His grip steadily increasing as the seconds ticked by.*

Protagonist: Hey uh- Xaje, my arm-

Xaje: Oh- M-My apologies, I forgot.

*In an attempt to hide his embarrassment, he released them, dusting his hands off as he did.*

Protagonist: It’s fine. Just- Maybe don’t send a mob of Nobodies after innocent bystanders next time.

Xaje: Tch, I’ll send a mob of Nobodies after anyone I please, they do belong to me after all. It’s only right that I use them to fulfill my duty.

Protagonist: & your ‘duty’ is to harm innocent people who’re just trying to be happy? Xaje… You know that’s not-

HEY ARE YOU TWO OKAY UP THERE?!

*Suddenly interrupted by one of the partners’ concerned voice, Protagonist made to reassure them. Xaje however, had other plans in mind.*

Protagonist: YEAH! WE’RE- I MEAN, I’M FINE! THANKS! SORRY ABOUT THOSE NOBOD-

*Heckled once more, Protagonist abruptly felt themself getting pulled back, now unable to complete their intended statements.*

Xaje: Silence yourself fool! These are mere commoners! We can’t risk being seen-

Protagonist: NO! YOU CAN’T RISK BEING SEEN! YOU’RE ALWAYS RUNNING AWAY & HIDING SOMEWHERE IN THE DARK REALM! ARE YOU TRYING TO MAKE ME DO THAT TOO?!

*Knowing that it wasn’t a good time to argue, let alone fight, Xaje promptly awakened his shadow & ordered it to keep our struggling Protagonist subdued before summoning a portal which lead back to the Castle That Never Was.*

Xaje: Come along now P/N, we’ll settle this elsewhere.

*In they went, a Nobody, his shadow, & a captured Hero reduced to nothing.*

-𝙵𝚒𝚗

*Upon their arrival at the castle, & specifically the more so secluded half of it, Xaje unlocked one of the many corridors before him, revealing a vast expanse of ivory emptiness. Regal white walls coated in ebony shadow. Carelessly releasing our Protagonist into the lovely abyss.*

Xaje: Stay here, It’s not like I’ll be allowing you an easy escape anytime soon. Not until I get what I want that is…

Protagonist: Xaje, what do you want?

*The question caught him off guard, leaving the Nobody with a blank slate rather than a witty comeback.*

Xaje: I… I don’t know…

Protagonist: Well… Whatever it is, I’m sure you’ll be able to find it if you’d just choose to accept the light for once-

Xaje: NO! IT MAY NOT COME AS OBVIOUS TO A DIMWIT LIKE YOU, BUT THE SECOND I LEAVE THIS STATE OF NONEXISTENCE I’LL REVERT BACK INTO THAT USELESS BOY WHO COULDN’T DO ANYTHING BUT CRY OVER ALL OF HIS IRREPARABLE FLAWS! HAVE YOU NOT A MIND TO UNDERSTAND HOW HARROWING THAT WOULD SEEM?! HOW AGONIZING IT WOULD FEEL?!

Protagonist: But just for once you’d be real! You’d be YOU!

Xaje: WHAT IF I DON’T LIKE ME!?-

*For a moment, he could almost feel the ever so familiar trickle of teardrops making their escape from the prison of his eyes. A distant memory he longed to forget. One that belonged to a heart whom he wished to permanently discard. A feeling that was far too tired of being caged. But still, he refused to let it out, not here, not now, & especially not in front of this overtly gifted hero. Thus, he silenced himself, just as he had done countless times before, he denied his being of a true release, masking the pain with a false sense of anger & cruel empowerment instead. Destroying the bud of a newly sprouted heart.*

Xaje: I- … Look… My motivations may not be the clearest, but I know there’s one thing I’ll definitely need in order to get to them: Power, & you along with your little companions can provide me with just that. So, till the time comes, you’ll stay put & do as I say, you’re the bait in this operation of mine, is that clear?

Protagonist: Xaje please-

Xaje: Is. That. Clear?

Protagonist: … Yes…

Xaje: Good.

*Upon successfully implementing the forced agreement, Xaje swiftly turned to leave the otherwise vacant quarters, intending to keep the Keyblade Wielder locked up until they would become of further use.*

Protagonist: Wait!-

*Reluctantly, he stopped in his tracks to look back at them, a distinct scowl evident in his gaze.*

Xaje: Ugh, what could you possibly need now fool?

Protagonist: Promise me something, please-

Xaje: Tch- & just what might that be?

Protagonist: Do whatever it is that you must, destroy me if you have to, but please, don’t hurt my friends! They may seem a little hardheaded at times but that’s only because they never knew you like I did!… They never knew how different you used to be… How kind you once were…

*The everlasting gratitude could be felt in their words, still gentle & so very patient despite their captor’s deeply contrasting demeanor. I suppose you’d expect no less from a hero.*

Xaje: Fine… Though I’d prefer not to keep any promises, I’ll do my best to uphold your wishes this one time. But be warned, don’t allow yourself to become too expectant now P/N. When the time comes for me to fight, I’ve nothing left but to do so. Understand?

Protagonist: Yes, I understand…

Xaje: Very well then, I believe now would be a good time for me to leave?

Protagonist: O-Of course…

*Resisting the urge to roll his tired eyes, he advanced towards the threshold. Nearly making his escape when a certain naively gracious voice called out to him from behind… Again.*

Protagonist: Hey- Uh Xaje?- Just one last thi-

Xaje: WHAT IN THE NAME OF KINGDOM HEARTS COULD YOU POSSIBLY HAVE LEFT TO SAY?!

Protagonist: T-THANK YOU!- I really mean it by the way…

Xaje: … Whatever… Your cheapened gratifications mean nothing to me either way. In fact, I’d appreciate it so much more if you’d just learn to quiet that insufferable voice of yours. Hmm? What do you say?

*Shrugging in a rather sarcastic manner, he left. For real this time. Listening with his eyes closed as the door shut behind him, sending a melancholic echo all throughout the elegant palace of sorrowful souls. Leaving his prisoner to wallow in their accepted despair.*

-𝙵𝚒𝚗

Progress shots:

#kingdom hearts #Organization XIII oc #organization xiii #organization 13 #kh #my art #my quotes #my sona #flipaclip #sora #donald #goofy #nobodies #nobody #protagonist #joke weapons #xaje #jae #xj

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jspark3000 · 7 years

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My roommate used to be my best friend. However, I became incredibly depressed from last year until about a month ago, and that severely strained our relationship. Even though I don't believe I should apologize for everything that happened (because I was depressed), I have a bunch of times and asked her for forgiveness. She has yet to say to me "I forgive you" and hasn't ever apologized for the things she did to me. I don't understand how a "Christian" friend could treat me like this.

Hey dear friend, I’m sorry this happened, and I’m with you: I’ve wrestled with depression for a lifetime, and I know how it can take us over and make us irrational and out of our minds. The harm we do is not intentional and not our fault.

Now, I have to say the very difficult truth, and I’m saying it entirely with grace and empathy and love for your situation as well as my own.

Unfortunately, the bad news is that your friend is not obligated to forgive you. She’s not obligated to apologize. Holding someone’s apology to a “Christian standard” is rather gaudy and even malicious. That sounds cold and unfair, but to expect every single person to stay through all our hardships is to ask them to be God, and is almost just as burdensome as enduring depression itself. Even if you were depressed and a hostage to your own body: your friend is not required to be your friend, your confidant, or your companion through your journey. Your depression and mine are not some “quirks” to be glossed over and taken lightly. Most likely, our depression will ruin many, many more friendships.

Consider the words of famed journalist and professor Andrew Solomon, who has written the definitive work on depression called The Noonday Demon, and who himself suffered a depression so severe that he tried to contract HIV from male prostitutes to kill himself:

“Depression is hard on friends. You make what by the standards of the world are unreasonable demands on them, and often they don’t have the resilience or the flexibility or the knowledge or the inclination to cope. If you’re lucky some people will surprise you with their adaptability. You communicate what you can and hope. Slowly, I’ve learned to take people for who they are. Some friends can process a severe depression right up front, and some can’t. Most people don’t like one another’s unhappiness very much.“

Our depression certainly hijacks our brains into doing things we normally wouldn’t do, but please allow me to dispel you of the romantic notion that everyone must stick through “thick and thin.” Movies and TV shows can make mental illness look quirky and appealing, but in real life, it’s nearly impossible for my friends to endure with me when I fall into depression. It’s intolerable and insufferable. All of my friends are outside their depth to handle me; at a certain point, only trained professionals are qualified to speak into my mental illness, and even then, would they stay if they weren’t trained and paid? As unfair as it is, I understand why friends would leave. I’m not sure how long I’d endure with me, either. The reality is that not everyone is equipped to handle a friend through their mental illness. It is not your fault or mine. It just is.

It also doesn’t mean that your friend is a bad person or a “sell out.” It only means that human patience has a limit. Some have a longer wick than others. But yes, even my wife needs a break from my own condition.

It is contradictory to ask for selfless empathy for my issues while at the same time I disregard having empathy for the other person who must deal with me. You can’t have it both ways. You can’t ask for an empathy that you’re not willing to reciprocate. And I’m afraid that because of our unrealistic, westernized-saturated, over-romanticized culture, our idea of love has become, “Put up with everything no matter what, or else you really don’t love me”—which is atrocious, mercenary, opportunistic, and reeks of luxurious privilege.

Please hear what I’m not saying. I’m not saying that a friend should leave at the first sign of difficulty. I’m not saying your friend shouldn’t hear you out or shouldn’t apologize. I’m definitely not saying that the mentally ill are incapable of deep, lasting friendships (I’m proof of the contrary). I’m not “victim-blaming” or shaming those who are barely surviving; the mentally ill, more than most people, are at the mercy of external forces and a terrible social stigma, and it’s awful how we’re seen and portrayed. I’m not empathizing more with the friends of the mentally ill: the person with mental illness has it the hardest of all. And I’m not saying I’m totally right here, either; feel free to disagree and push back, because I’m not the authority on any of this.

But I am saying that no one is entitled to stay with me. If they leave, of course it hurts—yet friendships are rarely forever, and they often end to innocuous things like time or distance, and I do not expect every friend to stick around for even more arduous reasons.

My hope is that every side of this conversation can learn to navigate with each other, with education and empathy for one another. I cannot demand that all my friends stay without empathizing with the cost of their love for me. I cannot demand forgiveness without considering the deep hurt that’s been caused, regardless of whether I was out of my mind. Thank God, there are some people who stayed despite it all, and I am thankful and humbled that they would love at such high expense.

And really, if a friend leaves too early: I must question if that person was truly a friend at all, or only liked the parts of me that were palatable. In that case, they will probably always jump from island to island of half-commitment and convenience, and I say, good riddance: you’re better off.

— J.S.

#dooweewho #depression #unpopular opinion

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