[id: a picture of the “full of milk” cat meme, the cat is edited to look like kurapika from hunter x hunter. his eyes are red and he is angry. there is an arrow pointing to him that says “full of rage”. end id]

so i’ve been reading hxh recently. pretty good stuff

There’s something I've been meaning to say but I haven't had the words till now. There is something that deeply upsets me about witnessing stories where villains, who are literal killers, fall in love and somehow become good or act outside of what is expected from them. I love love, love is beautfiul, it is powerful and it can truly change a lot. But to sit, and write a killer suddenly go "actually, this one can stay because I am in love for the first time" is such a weird concept to me. Is this happening because as a sociaty we're trying to convince ourselves that deeply disturbed people can be cured by the power of love? That if they just find the right person, they would stop the masacer? or at least no longer feel the need to kill how they were or at least let their person live? And I am not mad at the love, I do belive anyone can fall deeply in love, but my issue is with how it ends. I want to witness the unthinkable — I want to see is exactly what we expect but hoped won't happen, happening. A gut wrenching truth that stays true to who we have been witnessing, despite the "I can change them" dance. And perhaps people hate this idea because they want to belive that anyone can change if only they meet the right one, or that we can change the monsters in our lives with affection, but trust most likly is that they cannot be changed. And I can understand that to some this is then seen as an illusion. "oh then this was never true love", why can the two not exist? Do we not hurt those we love? Maybe not kill them, but someone elses hurt could feel like a small death to me, and vice versa.

Examples, so that you are not confused as to what I am reffering too;

Killing Eve; I stopped watching when Villanelle was shown shooting Eve. It felt true to her character, even if it hurt. She is a killer, we knew that and so did Eve. Regardless of her love, that was what was always going to happen so why were we given additional seaons of this fanatsy of a declawed Villanelle?

Hannibal; It should have ended with the death of Will, and possibly Hannibal consuming him. Didn't Hannibal say that the consumption of Will would somehow join them in a deeper way?Something so disturbing that only could make sense to a serial killing-cannibal. And I would have watched with wide eyes, and gone to sleep staring at the ceiling.

Interveiw With The Vampire; Louis' death in the hand of a Lestat would have made sense, and despite his dramatics, Lestat would have not committed suicide but instead burried himself in deep regret untill he was too numb to his own feelings that he could return to the world of the living. He would have never forgotten Louis, nor what he did, but he would have moved on beause Lestat is not a good person. He's deeply disturbed and Louis knew this. I don't even aknoclege that beatdown episode because Lestat may be a killer, but he's a drama queen first and formost. Louis' death would have been poetic, beautiful and grusom like a greek tragedy without an audiance.

Bonus - Twilight; I could not end without adding my own favorite, and despite this path never being teased to the audiance the same way the other's were, I would have loved the book simply ending because Edward did as he said he would - drained Bella like a Caprisun on a hot summer day. Because what is love agaisnt animalistic urgase (I understand why it is much hotter that he is simply so retsrained and devoted that he resists her, but I'd pay good money for an AU)

At the end of it all, I think want I want is for sociaty to get over the idea that a good woman, love or any form of kindness can change who some people are. Love can do many things - look at crimes of passion! And to some extend I belive that these villain's love were true, possibly not the way we imagine them - which is less so "I love you too" and more so, "wow, finally someone I can manipulate and obsess over. Someone who I can mold, someone who is alone in the world like me" only to realize that is not true.

So why do we make love into what it isnt? Even when the scene is set for us to be shown the truth, writers and the audiance always make the plot lean towards whatever fits so that we can have that "happy ending".

Honorable mentions;

God should have killed Lucifer, I know the bible and christianity is not technically fiction for all, but the idea that he is forgivin but lets the biggest meanness HE CREATED terrorize everybody is evil. Take him out or let somebody else do it homie.

Jesus wept.

thinking about bpd amy

i just know that ganondorf can hold a calm neutral outward demeanor when needed but will be completely losing it internally over some petty inconsequential shit. just absolutely seething and for what

I just do not give a single shit about lg-bt-q disc-ourse anymore.

I desperately need to be a scene kid for Halloween this year

i have to keep telling myself it'll get better. my life will get better. i just have to live long enough to see it.

ME EXPERIENCING THE SYMPTOMS BECAUSE OF ALL OF THE THINGS

the worst day ever.

Seeing my ex’s stupid profile pic she used for everything started to give me an anxiety attack and it’s ironic that now I’m feeling ******** now and I’m listening to the Elliott Smith playlist she made me ages ago.

my doctor literally told me i had way more platelets than normal and i was like huh thats weird. anyway time to deal with my weekly nosebleed

In terms of album orders designed specifically to hit the core of what the fuck is wrong with me it's gonna be hard to ever beat FTHC from Fatherless through Resurrectionists in that order but VERY close second place shoutout to Biffy Clyro Ellipsis going Animal Style // Re-Arrange . Fundamentally that is. That is exactly what the fuck is wrong with me tbh

grief fills you with the kind of misery that just makes you want to slam your head against a hard surface for like...........idk an hour

eugh he pulled up dream's shit ass song i closed my twitch tab someone tell me when that song's over