#so much less depressing then i am now | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

saygoodbyetothedawn · 2 years

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its in moments like these i feel...wilted, shall we say

please darling, press me like a flower between the pages of your favorite book

remember me for the vibrance i used to have, no the sickly withered little thing ive become

please remember me and love me enough to keep me even though Ive wilted and all that remains is the memory of my colors

#muttering #its embarassing to be this way #i really want to cry #it feels like im shouting into the void #but what else am i meant to do i suppose #i miss the person i was before all this #so much less depressing then i am now

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yardsards · 25 days

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so many meals can be bolstered by just throwing a handful of frozen spinach in there while you cook it. scrambled eggs? add some spinach. ramen? add some spinach. mac and cheese? add some spinach, baby!

#eliot posts #specifically i use a bag of frozen spinach so you can just dump some into the pot #the frozen blocks do NOT work for this purpose #unless you wanna add way too much spinach or go at the block with a gd icepick #and i prefer frozen to fresh bc fresh needs to be Kept Track Of or else it will go yucky in your fridge #frozen spinach is fine with being forgotten about for months #idk how much nutrition the spinach actually adds but it at least makes the meals FEEL less depressing #and prevents the dawning horror of ''dear god i cannot actually remember the last time i ate a vegetable'' from occurring #this is no longer a sad 30 cent brick of ramen in sad packet broth. now there is leaf! sometimes even egg/onion too!#i will still eat it directly out of the pot bc i am too depressed to clean a bowl tho.

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batz · 6 months

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#spending so much time doing house stuff when i have dpwntime all i can do is snooze #the landlord replaced the fuckd up laundry machines tho! we have these fancy ones now tht sing annoyig songs when th clothes r done #gonna start painting soon and then im gonna be reattaching the cabinetry in the kitchen bc its all fuckd up #frank.txt #u know despite how rough things are i AM hapy w this place . its so cozy and VERY quiet . and my abuser doesnt know where i live anymore #which is gr8 ! i can go outside and im less likely to deal w irl stalking again. still an agoraphobe bc stalking scary as hell BUT #At least im an agoraphobe in a cozy house that is far away from my prev place so its also safer #mental illness and seasonal depression and ptsd stuff kinda make this month scary for me BUT #its ok. its esp ok bc im making ham on xmas. literally all is well when i can make a big meal and watch ppl eat my food #downsides of this house - well ttoday i saw a stinkbug in the oven:(

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bewilderedbuck · 5 months

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yes i'm sad and cold and unbelievably touch starved. but both of my cats are napping on their heated blanket, inches away from each other. one of them is purring so loudly i can hear it over the sound of the show i'm watching. the other is gently snoring, kicking her little feet every few minutes in her sleep. how can i feel lonely when these beautiful little animals trust me enough to sleep peacefully in my presence? how can i let the sadness overcome me when i have been blessed with the privilege to love, to protect, to cherish these creatures???

#i love my cats so much genuinely idk where i would be without them rn #if i had to leave them with my ex i guarantee i would be Much Less mentally stable than i am now #like. yes ok having pets doesnt fucking cure mental illness i know that. im still depressed etc etc #but taking care of them gives me a reason to get up in the morning and stay at my job and take care of myself #s.txt

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opens-up-4-nobody · 7 months

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#its crazy how much easier it is to do things when youre not completely miserable lol #this past week has been weird bc ive felt really really good and like normal in a way thats kinds unfathomable #im hoping its the medication but my mood was already on an upward tilt and i was told it would take like 6 weeks for the meds to work #property but like ive been sleeping way more than usual. and by that i literally just mean 8hrs a night lol which is weird for me #like that never ever ever happens multiple days in a row. so idk. when i feel better it makes the 0cd way easier to manage as well #and im just generally not as anxious. on the more worrisome side i kinda just give less of a fuck so like i have an exam im not ready for #Tuesday and im just kinda like hm fuck that lol. ill go thru lil fluctuations of having a lot of energy too #like: i could run around in circles rn. i dont have to but i could. like yesterday i was out with friends and i was like bouncing up and #down while standing and rocking from side to side while sitting. which i kinda do anyway while in crowds but it was more to expend energy #last night i also got like 5hrs of sleep. so like maaaaybe ive been on the bleeding edge of mood elevation but for the most part it just #feels good and not destructive. like if i felt like this all the time that would b fantastic. its like oh so this is y ppl dont long to b #put out of their misery lol. depression? who? i dont kno her. sounds fake. but as soon as i fucking say that ill b fucking slapped back #down to earth. ugh. annoying. no emotional object permanence. i hope its the meds. if this is the person i am under layers of misery then #that is fucking so insane. we shall see. im curious to hear what the psychiatrist thinks of my brain when i follow up with her #i gave her my full dys1exia assessment which gives a pretty good picture of how my head functions. oh fuck i bet i would do waaaayyy better #on thise test if i took it in this state of mind. but anyway she has that on top of like 3 assessment sheets i filled out #dispite everything i still want someone to categorize me into a discreet box. tell me doc. am i really bip0lar? really really?#ur sure??? like 1000% sure bc my brain wont let me accept that unless its beyond a reasonable doubt. i just doesn't seem that serious.#i mean. it is but like ya kno. its not that bad. ay. this glob of mush behind my eyes runs me in circles #but for now thats ok bc i feel like i could run up a mountain or punch someone in the face lol #unrelated

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asingingpenguin · 5 months

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I miss stores being open 24/7 because I am awake and sad, and taking a drive while blasting my music, getting groceries, and a little treat would help.

#Penguin's personal posts #I have to accept I am just depressed #But it's been so hard to tell cause I've been so fucking miserable now for so long #And I don't feel like I have experienced more than two days of joy since Fiddle died #I still miss her and wish it hurt less #I know talking to more people would help too #But my brain feels more broken than normal and it's so much effort for me to write thing and everyone I know is online

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laesas · 4 months

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#Goddd January is such a fucking MONTH #the holidays have overwhelmed me and the seasonal depression has overwhelmed me and I have social burnout on top of the regular burnout #like with all the love in my heart I miss all of you very much #but i am getting GOT by all of the status conditions #I have about 4 communication slots available per day and I pretty much run out before I get online 😭#sorry for popping up in random conversations once every 3 days and then disappearinggggg #I am doing my best and it is so sucks right now but hopefully it will be less sucks real soon #love u all 🥺#sorry sorry!!

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mercymaker · 2 months

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chilling vibing getting stuff done and then suddenly getting hit by 'why do you try so hard to make something new and good and bend yourself backwards pushing for quality when that stuff is mostly discouraged and low effort quantity-over-quality stuff is constantly rewarded'

#life #was on a high after writing quite a bit today #but now feel like a deflating balloon lmao #like yeah nah yeah i've worked with social media enough to know that you have to play 'their' game in order to 'succeed'#but that whole premise is so soulless and yet #it's the shit paradox that most often the less time and effort you put into something the more likely it will do good online #but with constantly diminishing returns it can get pretty tough #like the pattern is there it's all in motion #and it's just gonna get worse and worse and worse #people barely reblog anymore barely comment #i started posting my writing because i thought 'well at least one person might like it!'#like... i cannot NOT write it's just who i am #but even with the folders full of personal writing and whatnot at some point i stopped #because writing is just incredibly lonely and it was starting to make me feel worse about it so i stopped #but yeah nah fam #i'm just fully in the period shits and getting emotional #but the ongoing decline of engagement and communication is just sad to see #like even artists around me who are incredibly talented i see them barely get any notes and if they do it's pretty much all likes #shit's depressing fam #and then on top of that we have people stealing shit from us #like that fucking guy who copied every bg3 creator's ideas and then started playing victim when called out #what was up with that lmao

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magnusbae · 2 months

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I confess, I am... kinda excited ; w ;

#sometimes i feel like all i do is just work and survive #once in a while get myself a takeout #i work so much and what for #i never buy anything it's so depressing to think about #since bookdepository closed even my occasional 'buy a book i'd never read' shenanigans stopped #i was lately contemplating buying a new pc‚ and while that's undoubtedly a treat‚ it does fall within my very strict:#'a useful electronic' category of allowed expenses #like i was wondering between ps5 / pc but again those are planned for for years now‚ and hardly can be called 'indulgence' given how #one is for work and the other is years overdue since i was waiting for it to be less expensive..#ah‚ i babble 🙈#i did decided i will not share this irl though #i figure‚ i want it to be my private little positive treat #without the unnecessary opinions about how a 'book is not worth that much'#i mean i agree but did you see the book #it's the sexiest book i've ever seen in my life #i am not sure if i'll go ahead and get oathbringer in a few years #but wok-wor are literally the two books i love the most #my most beloved #my light in the dark #-coughs- ok ok.#yeah.#this is the most you heard me babble here in a while -laughs-#i've had a rather rough few weeks and has not been present the way i wanted to be-- those i have not yet answered to-- i will-- soon.#buns.txt

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jagalart · 2 years

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Huevember XVIII

For @ EwanAmaia 💜

#huevember 2022 #huevember #cemetery #portrait #angel #Holy shit guys thank you so much for the follows here it made my day #like my following here grew by like 1/5 overnight JHJGKJGKJF YOU'RE AMAZING #i feel a lil less depressed abt Twitter now bless you all #i've had like 10 accounts here and this is the first time i've gotten to 1000 followers i am honestly so happy rn

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possiblytracker · 11 months

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got dragged to a pub quiz with some of my housemates buddies and was fully convinced i was not really gonna have a good time and itd probably be too loud and i wouldnt be much help etc etc etc bc my mood is still not great but i forgot im a competitive motherfucker when it comes down to it and the sheer rush of euphoria that comes from knowing a few more obscure answers that had the rest of the room hemming and hawing is gonna carry me through the next week probably

#when nobody else in the wetherspoons in rural wales knows what the capital of florida is or what you call a female swan #the big ass grin spreading across my face and sheer rush of Power listening to 2 people the next table over arguing over whether #its jacksonville or miami. you Fools. you absolute buffoons. i know more than you/j/j/j/j #i am so exhausted now and the 'yea this is Over you are enjoying urself too late' sadness is creeping back in but it was worth it #we came 3rd...... the prize was a whole pitcher of some cocktail for the group but i do not drink so i just went home to bed #a female swan is called a pen btw i knew that six month long job spouting swan facts at 8 year olds would come in handy someday #IDK i still have a lot to work through but i feel like i should make a slightly less depressing post today skdfjh;;#shoutout to my housemate for always somehow noticing when i have just not left my room in a day and coming to drag me out of it #i was so close to just not eating again (which tbf. i didnt. until like 6pm whoops)#but now i have done that AND touched grass AND socialised AND feel good abt myself a bit.. so.....#i worry a lot that people dont really. notice or care that much when im struggling/when they do that its annoying or a burden so #im very grateful to have people who care about me enough to try and pull me out of it. i hope wherever i end up after this #that i can surround myself with more people like that #man this feels pretty bittersweet to think about as well but in more of a cathartic kinda way. i guess #trying to think abt things slightly more positively so i dont turn into a festering black pit of bad vibes for the next few weeks #and my blog still inexplicably feels like the nicest place to sort through this kinda thing

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potpiehead · 7 months

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ive been more depressed lately

#if you cant tell #during the summer i had some zest for life and felt actually happy lol but with the turn of the season it just disappeared.. so annoying lo #i keep having thoughts that boil down to "id be happier if i were happier' like lol #i know that spending time with my friends and family; always having something going on; engagine with my interests and keeping myself busy #all make me feel good and i think those things came easier over the summer #when im doing something of interest i just feel this whole world open up and everything feels lighthearted and easy and then when i fall ou #of those habits and start doing less everythig just feels dark #the depression i have now is 100x better than the depression i had as a teenager though. i didnt have the life experience to know that #things could be better #it does make me feel good to know that there are things that help #i just feel so mentally weak like there are times when i think of the thing i want to do but the effort it would take is monumental #and it stresses me the fuck out #i applied to a couple of jobs today because i just need a change of fucking scenery and i feel stagnant.#evereythig feels bleak and meaningless but i have moments where i feel everything open up. idk #i have hope for myself lol just that today in particular has been shitty like a concentrated version of the past few months #but i did apply to jobs which is something i was stressing about! and i bought some shit i needed to buy that i kept putting off #i often have so much on my mind and am so overwhlemed i cant even think of getting shit done. this shit is ruining everything #catastrophizing was my specialty in early high school ive been here before its just that being a young adult is a new frontier.#and i feel like ive been sitting in one place not moving even though i have been doing things i need to CHANGE things #i have moments of strength but i know that overall im struggling.#anyway thanks for reading. i have work tomorrow gn!

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imwritesometimes · 11 months

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I've decided I'm killing my depression today and instead I am

#less than a week. my wallet is supposed to arrive today 🤞. my brother got me the cool staff of ra headpiece calendar. focus. good things.#neat things. fun things. lie ahead bitch come on.#even if my dad bails last minute on going with us which he is apt to do as a (still) deadbeat father. I simply will not care.#the tickets are purchased. our seats are claimed. I am going to be sitting in a movie theater for the first time in 4 years #in 6 days. watching an indiana jones movie. focus.#I sat in the floor with felix for half an hour and it really helped me and now I'm looking forward not focusing on the depression spiral.#after Indy there are fckn BABY GOATS coming to sıms like bitch so much going on let's go it's ok #kicking my depressive episode in the teeth over and over and over to death #erin explains it all

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pepprs · 1 year

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i wish i’d kept pushing the point (<- vagueposting). im so tired i’m hitting a wall. but why is the answer to feeling bottomlessly lonely just to love myself and be loved by myself? isn’t that only more loneliness?

#purrs #i know being by myself is not aloneness. but like seriously are you actually serious that there is no one coming to save me? that I have to #walk around with this giant gaping wound forever and no one will be able yo close it? i need total nurturance and comfort badly and to have #any less than total is.. well i don’t want to say it’s as bad as having none at all because obviously it’s not true. but it’s still bad. it #makes it harder to ask for more when you already have some and have reached the limit of what you can ask for. i just feel bottomlessly #lonely. i know things will get better. but what i really need is a long hug and a good cry in someone’s arms. not isolating myself in a #cabin for a week (though i know i desperately need that too). like we’re human beings and we can do that for each other so why don’t we? why #can’t we fix each other? why can’t we be nurturing like that and fill the voids for people who have them. and i know it’s rich coming from m #me bc iam skittish like a horse around emotions and also that it’s pitifully expected from me bc i am reading too much into normal experien #nces most people have. but how am i supposed to just accept that i didn’t get the love i needed (even if im romanticizing m*therlove lmao) a #and then move on as if that’s fine? how can i just snap my fingers and be an autonomous adult when ive spent years accruing psychological #damage with the most limited kind of cushioning? when every second brings with it a potential jab to my River of Pain nerve? idk.#i was deeply violently depressed abt this stuff earlier this week but tonight im just quietly sad. i want the stability and certainty of #(unconditional) love. i want my whole future safe and warm and now or at least the ability to trust it will exist which is also called hope.#i don’t want to be alone and wretched anymore.

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variousqueerthings · 2 years

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the annoying thing is that Hawkeye is a relentless slut who goes for anything with legs at least once and the even more annoying thing is that I can 100% see how it works and I am also in love with him... bastard

#hawkeye pierce #MASH #ok here's a prediction I have for later seasons (as a newbie)#that he sleeps with less women/the hawkeye-flirts-just-this-side-of-inappropriately lessens #this may not be true and tbh I think it works as a character Thing for him but the reason I think it is simply because I predict #later seasons = you thought the depressed exhaustion was bad NOW #that being said -- exhaustion and depression and PTSD =/= sleeping around #but i just think the focus on this hardihar see this guy wink winking at the nurses humour might lessen generally we shall see #also if I were keener viewer I'd remember to make a note of *flirts at men vs flirts at women* scenes + what sort of flirting it entails #the OTHER interesting thing is that he doesn't have any ideas around Masculinity and often mocks those who do #so there's something interestingly unpostured about him where he both seems to really like being a man #and ALSO really likes being a man who doesn't care much about gender in terms of attraction #i am ITCHING to want to see what's been written about this already and I cannot I am being a good watcher of stuff #lastly there's whatever is gonna happen when... bj honeycut? is that really his name? he sounds like a bondgirl... is introduced #i know trapper leaves and someone else takes his place.....#im watching MASH

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calamity-unlocked · 11 months

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you can add another to the amphibifans you got to listen to dndads jar, i jsut finished the first season *screams* thank you

Fuck yeah throwing another die into the jar

#i did in fact add another d20 for fun #even though i dont use the jar for its intended purpose anymore #(its now just nerdy decoration)#yknow #i think indirectly as in two or three steps removed i got at least sixty people into it im sure #bc i got nyx into it #and then they did their magic #boom #answers and such #sweet anons #i hope you're enjoying the show dear #season 1 is so much and i have so much love for it #i am currently not listening to s2 anymore bc of the imo declining quality of plot progression and character work #as well as me being able to just generally get less joy from things bc of depression #(don't mean to overshare in an ask haha; just the state of things i suppose)#whoo tags got long. i need to make more posts or stuff like this will keep happening

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