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nerdperson524 · 5 years

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Why can I not get sleep

So I've known my roommate has problems going to sleep at a decent hour. I know part of it is some kind of insomnia but the other part is she doesnt do any home work all day and then stays up super late. Shes an only child and has never been forced to acknowledge other peoples existence in living situations. This is her first year away from home and her parents and her mom...her mom is attached to this girl at the hip. It's weird.

Anyway last night she didnt come back to the room til 11:10 when I was literally getting in bed to go to sleep. I guess it would be important to mention that we share 1 room. 2 beds, 2 desks, 1 microwave, 1 mini fridge (that she takes over and never leaves any room for anything other than her stuff), 1 room. So of course shes being obnoxious and loud getting "settled" back in for the week. Like I feel kinda bad because any sane person wouldnt give a shit if someone was gulping water to take medicine. But I've got anxiety and my brain just knows that shes annoying so every little thing she does just makes me tense and wanting to strangle her. Yeah I'm probably a psychopath or something...

So she leaves the room after some time to get ready for bed in the bathroom and I roll over, put my eye mask on, and go to sleep. She always has a light on and buying a sleep/eye mask has been the best thing I've ever purchased. I hear her at like 1:20 am getting up going to the bathroom I assume so whatever. Roll back over go to sleep. At 3:20 am I hear her talking. Who the fuck is she talking to? So I listen and shes called her mom because she cant sleep...and I'm like dumbfounded....why do u think it's okay to have a conversation at 3am when ur roommate is was asleep only to complain that you cant sleep?! I dont snore. I dont sleep loudly whatever that would be like. It was not my fault whatsoever that she couldnt sleep yet I'm the one being woke up. Now this shows her mom's weirdness. Her mom lives in the same timezone as us so she was up at 3am too, and her mom is at her beck and call 24/7. it drives me crazy because that means they’re always on the phone with each other and always talking way too loud.

so she was trying to be quiet but the more she talked the louder she got and finally i rolled over all dramatically and she got quieter and then finally went out into the hall to talk to her mother. so i hoped that I could go back to sleep before she came back and I was still conscious but fully asleep enough to have this big ass dramatic dream thats too complicated to explain now. when i realized it was a dream, she came back into the room but I think she had finally got off the phone with her mom. now i kept waking up every hour or so because she was tossing and turning unable to sleep and of course I had to suffer. so no matter how much I try, I am not allowed to get any good sleep at night and it’s pissing me off.

#3 times now #where she has prevented me from a good night's sleep

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fishstick-diary · 5 years

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「私の夢は嘘だ」かな。

they say most dreams have no meaning. most dreams are a reanimation of unused thoughts that were never relevant to bring to the conscious mind.

some dreams are an intimate processing and storing of memories.

every once in a while, dreams expose the desires of reality. every once in a while, my dreams really are too good to be true.

i woke up quite literally only 10 minutes ago, but my dream is so compelling that it drove me to write.

the first dream i had, i was with my girlfriend in my kitchen. an exact replica of my kitchen, which is reasonable considering how often im there. she was cooking something. i believe it had legumes in it.

“i like legumes in some instances but it isnt my favorite”

i said. i dont believe there was anything in between, but time skipped forward and suddenly the air turned very dark and aggressive. my girlfriend stormed out of the kitchen and came back in, saying

“im finally going to tell it to your face.”

before she said the words, i knew what she was talking about and stayed quiet.

“every single day! 'why do you clean? why are you messy? why did you wake up late? why did you wake up early? why do you eat away from your family?' why why why?”

“we have different values, and thats fine! why are you always questioning me?”

she was enraged and her face was red. before i could respond, i woke up by accident. i couldnt finish it.

but in an effort to finish that dream, i fell back asleep and began a new dream. the content was relative because i was trying to dream a similar dream.

i was with my girlfriend and my family at an amusement park. the beginning was fuzzy, but i believe there were scheduling conflicts and we were late to several events because it was raining and each of us kept having to go back and purchase raingear.

we go to a restaurant and give up on the amusement park. im very despondant and i dont recall ever talking to anyone.

my girlfriend notices, and excuses us so that we can both go outside. she takes my hand and guides me out.

outside, we walk for a few minutes. she says

“we dont have to go back to the park. they told us we're staying here and then going home.”

“are you ok?”

i look at her and smile small. my girlfriend then hugs both arms around me and i do the same while we walk. its quiet, but the embrace means so much to me.

she then disappears into a small shop and buys a bag of chocolate pretzels with oreo bits mixed in with regular pretzles (if only those were real, it sounds good). we share the bag and she gets me to smile more, wrapping an arm back around me.

the dream ended with me talking about how i used to love taking giant pretzels and dipping them in cheese and mustard.

so, what do these two dreams mean to me?

dream #1 i believe is a recollection of feelings and conversations ive been having for the past few days. they havent been lighthearted by any means.

perhaps the most outstanding thing to point out is that my girlfriend would never react that way, at least i dont believe so. she hates criticism towards herself and anyone. i, however, value it in small doses as it keeps me in check. im not perfect. i need to fix things. sometimes, criticism is constructive and helps me rethink and solve. my girlfriend isnt that type of person and will never be giving me any sort of criticism. the very fact that my girlfriend in this dream became enraged and attacked me is a very extreme version of my mind reciprocating for what i want so badly.

i break myself enough. sometimes it provides relief for another person to break me instead.

but my girlfriend isnt that kind of person. i think its for the best that she isnt.

dream #2 is similar motive if i point out to myself that unfortunately, i dont think my girlfriend would react in the exact fashion she did if it would actually happen.

ive revealed to her that i wasnt feeling well in person before, and an embrace almost never follows if i dont prompt it. i know she cares a lot about me, but her first reaction is never physical. she isnt a physical person, while i am. she also will almost never ask if im 'ok', which is way more confrontational than 'how are you?'. she isnt a confrontational person, which is fine also. im aware of it.

i suppose what im understanding from both dreams is that they are an attempt to fulfill my wants and needs that sometimes are neglected in real life. it is my job to prompt and ask for things, so it is also my fault that my needs are unmet because i never ask properly. we are different people, and i need to be compromising by prompting directly. im such a fool. i never remember this until its too late.

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rennyji · 3 years

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June 2nd - thoughts and normal tweets

June 2nd tweets...here we go...

I’m nothing like Ashton Kutcher, not even in my own right, especially nowadays.-

-But in my old Twitter days (back in 2012), I’d tweet this following train of thought often. It went along the lines of: Ashton Kutcher is actually famous, “a somebody,” who needs to safeguard his reputation from libel, “and probably has and pays ‘agents’ of his own choosing” to-

-to monitor his likes and reputation. I’m so not Ashton Kutcher in that regard or any regard. Yet I have people “steering my life as a whole.” I did not select them, and I do not even know them. They’ve been doing what they want with a regular nobody’s life for 11+ years. -

-What do you make of that? Why am I not protected by my American citizenship amidst mindless zombies who just see - say it slowly: 11 years of secrets on a massive scale- everything as “cute” or casual. I mean to see this as cute... what kind of a rosy picture are you getting?-

-Do U know what great lengths the orchestrators took 2make me look crazy? The actual things done recently, &over these past 11 years? Where is that famous American altruism? Did they tell people these things? Not going to say it myself at this point, let the orchestrators do it.-

-Do they tell people, that I wrote complaints 2the FBI &that they hijacked my phone calls 2the police or rerouted them? Do they tell people about my run in w/the police at my old house &what they did with me, 4talking about “the situation” with my parents and telling the truth?-

-Do people care to ask? Are the orchestrator waiting for my permission to disclose? I mean, I give the orchestrators permission to disclose their aforementioned misdeeds. In cr*p American psychology, they’re usually concerned about psychological impacts and trauma. -

-These racist f*ks didn’t give a d*mn with me cuz I wasn’t a blonde girl. Sick people on me, I dare you. Im not attached to conveniences of my life through years of meditative practices. Watch, despite that, for who I am during our 1st &actual confrontation/meeting. &my parents?-

-While you’ve been living and continuing with your lives, while giving me a hard time, remember all these things you had me face. To speak in terms of your background, you had an altar server face the police, so don’t dare to judge me for what I say or write. -

-and throughout all these experiences, I was compliant throughout everything-that too for 11 years. It just goes to show you, words usually being the answer, can only do so much. You deal with man-demons, don’t waste time on word

next thing...-

-So on 6/1, I find out a doctor who my family knows, died on the evening of 5/31. She’s Harvard educated-all that work and to only pass away in her 40s. She’s a doctor and her husbands a doctor. They have two small kids, 10 and under. -

-She has the figure of someone, out of this world: like nice face, nice voice, only says nice things, goes out of her way for others, and smiles through everything. God bless her soul. -

-You see it as a privilege to be close with someone with those qualities and wish you could’ve had the opportunity, outside of this situation.-

-Thats 1 woman who dies without seeing me on the other side of theSituation. Life, every second of thought/words/action is a gift thats normally invigorating. But its never long enough. Its in such a world, where 11+ years are taken out of ur life by genuine demons. They smile,-

-may seem altruistic, but the reality is, a normal human being cannot inflict pain on another, for an extended amount of time, without reason, simply for everyone to watch. They are Legion from the Bible, enveloping the masses.

oh and something else -

-I used to think of Americans as world saving altruists, and the setting here, on a good day without crime, to be like heaven with all its people. But in the last 11+ years, there’s something very wrong with the general mindset. -

-It doesn’t seem like the common man is “awake”-May sound like something from The Matrix. Everyone here is so plugged in and lacking in insight. I mean of all people, it was Americans that allowed this situation to fall on another American. -

-Rather than following your heart, your human spirit, you mindlessly/mechanically do what some...people?! ... tell you to do. Christ talks about the flesh and spirit being at war. But here, in America, the country lacks a soul. The nation’s people lack maturity.-

-How then can I continue to see here, as heaven-like. Live in each second, be conscious of what you do, follow your heart. Some of you hear this or something else, and look to it because it’s “nice sounding” or “tantalizing” based on the subject. -

-But I speak/write to instill it’s meaning, to make a point, for others to learn from. Wake up, live a life of meaning.-

-Don’t do things “for show” as “this situation” relays everything “for show.” Do things cuz it’s right or cuz it matters. Me? From all this? I just want a natural setting as described several times. -

-Relaying accomplishments, possible purchases, or whatever, has nothing to do with the goal set by me. It just builds random hype around a regular guy. -

-The orchestrators go against my whole way of doing things. Im a liberal when it comes to religion, but I go by whats said Biblically with respect to this. Do things good, do things in secret, to please your Heavenly Father who sees what’s secret, and He will reward you. -

-The orchestrators just can’t respect my faith and wishes.

and something that happened the other day...-

-Went down to my basement - the other day-to do one thing, ended up doing 10 different things roaming through the mind, for other things present in life-

-I mean I have a focus now: Working, and working out. Based on those 2 goals, normally I’d ignore other thoughts/ideas to possibly 10 other goals you didn’t consider—hence how a person focuses. -

-(And then there are the thoughts/ideas/whatever cluttering ur mind b/c of orchestrators & the daily problems created & sourced in them, that is also taxing on ur focus-too much upstairs-& thats when every1’s having U explain every word, every action- peace of mind is priceless.-

-at Iona Prep High School, my GPA, weighted, was a 4.2 out of 4.0...at the party school where my parents paid for a private appointment and food delivery, having to only study, I should’ve had at least a 4.0 GPA. -

-Knowing what theyve invested in me, I don’t know why my parents are allowing this 2 happen 2 their son for 11 years. For 11 years, my mother has shown me a worse attitude then usual, minus loving listening or conversation or empathy...this is my world, but back to the point..)-

-But then when you’re in a problem multiplied by a worsening factor against you by 11 years, you think to show other aspects of you. Attending to “the thing”, “ the situation”,”the unknown” is time consuming and expensive. -

-Be it writing away your life or buying your coffee to meet people you’re pretty sure will not talk to you. Truth be told, times 11 years, "the situation" and ur life in it, is all unrewarding. -

-Fills the mind with too many things to do...I mean when you do stuff, you orient your focus accordingly. But with the unknown and its variables, too many things demanding of your focus.

on a related note, but also transitioning to normal tweets for the day-

-Clear and settle your mind, you slowly but surely, make progress in getting things done, and ultimately get things done...writing such things down can provide a release in normal situations, where everything’s not relayed-like in the Harry Potter series,-

-Dumbledore uses what’s called a “Pensieve” (a bowl of water where thoughts can be transferred to, until needed, or desired, for whatever be the purpose, ultimately clearing the mind...-

-I remember writing that in my first Twitter or the first time I had Twitter, with 16000 followers+...life repeats when no solutions...say the same old things cuz no one listens or likes to follow or hold onto tantalizing cr*p instead...-

on another note, talked to someone the other day and he suggested not to overdo something else...he’s cool, but it makes you wonder in these situations while something else is going on...is it a natural assumption or the result of a picture put in his head by someone else?!-

-(to the orchestrators, I’m as good as a I say I am i.e. I take on and handle multiple kinds of sh*t)...really affects how one sees things I.e. this nonsense...-

-I mean, was talking to this hot girl for months a few years back and couldn’t help but wonder if the correspondence was “for real” or because it was for entertainment...for whatever reason, she never disclosed the truth about "the situation" either...she would talk about issues, and sadly, i couldnt tell if the orchestrators made it up, or if her issues were real...

so a thought on education...Education is not just math and science. It’s about being a thoughtful, well rounded individual. &the beauty of it is, you don’t need a degree for that. Life experience, insight, or something else could do it too. Seeing it as anything less is ur ego.-

-2try 2achieve status of "educated", &then constantly be put in midst of those who are uneducated or who act as such can be frustrating..gotta expand the world..could lead 2meaningful conversations..rather than mechanical/uninterpreted literal understandings/talks of the Bible.-

-the orchestrators, in their childish way of doing things come off as uneducated. may have big degrees to use this kind of tech...but once again, it goes to show "educated" is not just about degrees, its how you use knowledge/experience.

more normal tweets in addition to the previous...-

When you need a dual or triple monitor setup on the go, or say, studying/working at a coffee shop: Try the Mobile Pixels Trio monitor:

https://www.mobilepixels.us/products/trio

Want to keep your coffee drinks oh warm for an extended amount of time? Try the “Ember mug” on Amazon...

https://ember.com/

If u drinkTea, some teas require u 2 boil water&let teaBags sit 4at least 3min. But 4freshly brewed coffee or tea, it takes a while 4the beverage 2be only drinkably warm. Like 20 minutes 2 half anHour. I didn’t want 2wait, so I thought Id give “HyperChiller” a try. $25 on Amazon.

So, I incorporated orangeJuice in2 my mornings, &thought Id invest in something w/comparably less sugar. Found Trop50 from Tropicana. Normal orange juice has 20+ grams of sugar. Trop50? 10 grams. Sucky part is that the Trop50 containers aren’t as big as their biggest containers.-

-Trop50 tastes just as good as the original recipe...you wonder why they got to sell a version with extra sugar that has no added benefit...

If you’re typing something in the Notes app, or I guess wherever on your iPhone, did you know, to undo typing, you just have to shake your iPhone up and down a few times?

If you have the AirPods Max headphones, did you know you cannot turn them off with a button? To conserve battery life and put them in standby, you gotta out them in the small case that it comes with.

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kartiavelino · 5 years

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André Holland Takes On The NBA In ’High Flying Bird’

“The timing is auspicious,” André Holland admits with a mischievous but welcoming smile. On this busy Thursday morning in February, the NBA is wrought with pressure of an impending commerce deadline and the NBA All-Star draft being televised that evening. Holland’s Netflix movie Excessive Flying Chicken tells the story of an bold—if not determined—sports activities agent named Ray Burke, who’s attempting to maintain his head above water throughout an NBA lockout. Certainly one of his purchasers is an anxious rookie named Eric Scott (performed by The Land’s Melvin Gregg), who has but to set foot on the court docket however has already landed himself into some off-court drama. Holland is a fan of the sport and even balled out slightly in highschool, however even he couldn’t have scripted the timing for his movie’s launch any higher. His eyes widen as I inform him about Harrison Barnes being traded from the Dallas Mavericks mid-game the evening earlier than. The 39-year-old from Bessemer, Alabama, shouldn’t be on Twitter, so he additionally hasn’t seen Kevin Durant berating the press for asking about his impending free company in a post-game interview. He hovers over my laptop computer as I pull up the video of the Golden State All-Star fuming into the mic. “That’s a dialog you all have. I don’t take into consideration that form of stuff. It’s not vital.” It’s the form of actual life drama that his character Ray would salivate over, utilizing the discontent of the athletes to spark a revolution in “the sport on high of the sport.” 5 years in the past, when Holland first acquired the inspiration to make this movie, former L.A. Clippers proprietor Donald Sterling was being banned from the NBA for making racist feedback in a personal telephone name. The contentious relationship between the vastly white staff house owners in skilled sports activities and their largely African-American gamers is on the coronary heart of Excessive Flying Chicken’s story, and one which Tarell Alvin McCraney (co-writer of Moonlight) and director Steven Soderbergh seize in a really slick and minimalist means. Zazie Beetz, Sonja Sohn, Zachary Quinto and Invoice Duke spherical out a sensible and entertaining ensemble who inform a compelling sports activities story that even non-sports followers can get pleasure from. André Holland spoke with BET.com about reuniting with Steven Soderbergh, who directed him within the Cinemax drama The Knick, and McCraney, whom he labored with on Moonlight, to shake up the video games of each movie and sports activities. BET: How would you fee your basketball abilities on a scale of 1 to 10? André Holland: That’s a difficult query, man, as a result of I can’t say one. I performed fairly good. I performed level in highschool and will sustain with nearly anyone. However I ain’t gonna take over a recreation. I can go fairly good. I’m a reasonably good shooter. This was John Carol in Alabama. They gained the State Championship the 12 months after I left, so I prefer to say that I used to be foundational to that. [laughs]. So when did you first get the thought to make Excessive Flying Chicken? It was about 5 years in the past when Steven and I had been engaged on The Knick collectively and I used to be on the lookout for tasks to do and I wasn’t getting that many scripts. I discovered myself getting pissed off about that. So, quite than get pissed off, I assumed, what if we make one thing? So I began to pitch him some concepts that I had and out of these conversations got here this concept. Then I introduced Tarell in. We return to ’06, we did a bunch of performs collectively. This was means earlier than Moonlight. We had been each in grad faculty on the identical time. He was at Yale and I used to be at NYU. So we acquired launched by way of a mutual good friend. I did his first play in New York, just about all his performs. The first one was known as Wig Out. Tarell wrote it, I used to be in it, Sterling Okay. Brown was in it, Brian Tyree Henry was in it. Rutina Wesley was in it. It was robust. We had a powerful group. How lengthy did that run? We did it first at Sundance on the theater lab. That was like a three-week workshop course of and the brand new introduced it to New York for like six weeks. So it is a double reunion for you. What was it like bringing Soderbergh and Tarell collectively? It was superb. Me and Steven had been assembly recurrently, after which Tarell got here in and I organized this dinner for us. It was actually cool to take a seat there and see the 2 of them, who each have these huge brains and nice minds, simply going at it, and I acquired to be a fly on the wall. It felt actually good to deliver these two worlds collectively. How a lot of Algernon’s (the surgeon you performed in The Knick) spirit is in Ray? That’s an excellent query. Rather a lot. I feel. I like these characters… I feel they each have a little bit of a chip on their shoulders. They each have some trauma from their previous that may be a bit unresolved, and so they each are decided to go away one thing good on this planet. They’re each a bit smug. Just a little bit. [laughs]. However I feel they’ve so much in widespread, and that most likely says one thing about me. That I’ve… there is part of me that’s at all times felt—and I feel a part of it’s coming from Alabama—a bit like I’ve one thing to show. All of us grew up listening to that you must be twice nearly as good… Did you mannequin Ray after any brokers that you realize? A bit. There are some brokers that I met with, and I form of took components of every of them. This one agent hipped me to one thing I wasn’t conscious of. He’s been within the recreation for a very long time, and the way in which he pertains to his gamers, it’s not simply as an agent. It’s far more like a member of the family. [He was] the man who went in very early on, earlier than any contracts had been signed, and sat down with their households. He’s an agent, good friend, mentor. So I felt like that form of relationship is the form of relationship Ray would have together with his purchasers, particularly as a Black man working on this largely white company bringing in these Black gamers. He would wish to be as near his guys as attainable. And but, his personal trauma of getting misplaced his cousin retains him from getting too concerned. There’s this distance that he tries to maintain. When he’s lecturing Eric he clearly loves him and needs him to do effectively, however there’s a distance he desires to attempt to maintain. You bought two nice younger skills in Melvin and Zazie. What was it like working with them? They had been each dope. Melvin I actually admire as a result of I didn’t know him earlier than. However I’ve come to know his [story]. This cat has been telling his personal tales and taking pictures his personal brief movies. He has his personal manufacturing studio in L.A. He’s making stuff on a regular basis. We shot the film on iPhone, and in a means, he was extra skilled than anyone. He actually acquired into it. A whole lot of his stuff tends to be comedic, so it was cool to see him do one thing extra dramatic. Then with Zazie, I feel she is a star. Flat out, no query about it. Go so far as she desires to go star. She’s good as a whip, clearly stunning, proficient, a sort individual. So cool to hang around with. I feel she’s superb. What was your relationship like with the NBA whereas making the movie? I personally didn’t have a relationship. It was Steven’s concept to intercut the participant interviews. So I’m curious to see what different gamers give it some thought, the NBA thinks. I hope they don’t take it as an assault. As a result of it’s not meant to be. I feel the NBA has finished actually nice issues for his or her gamers as say in comparison with the NFL. We simply use this as a chance to pose the query: What if there was extra Black possession? And that applies not simply to the NBA however to the NFL, the NCAA, to company America. Simply every thing. Any hopes for a collection? We undoubtedly wish to do a sequel. I’ve an early concept about that. If this goes effectively and folks actually reply to it and Dr. Edwards and I’ve been speaking a few sequel. How did you meet Dr. Edwards and turn into aware of his e-book The Revolt of the Black Athlete? I’ve a good friend Onaje Woodbine, he was there final evening, he wrote a e-book known as Black Gods of the Asphalt. Which is a dope, dope e-book across the spirituality round road basketball. In speaking to him he educated me about Dr. Edwards, and I reached out to him. I learn his e-book and we talked much more. To me, his involvement was every thing. He helped us to grasp that this concept was not a brand new concept. He’s been doing this work for 50 years. From the Olympic protests in ’68 all the way in which to now with Colin Kaepernick. The first draft of the script he learn he was like, “Not that, not that.” He helped us so much. Are you able to specify one factor he felt you bought fallacious? There was one factor he talked about. For instance, I used to be involved about not making the Eric Scott character really feel two-dimensional. I didn’t need him to return off like a “dumb athlete.” So what would he say right here? How would he categorical himself right here? However once I spoke to Dr. Edwards, he stated, “Simply because he ain’t speaking don’t imply he ain’t considering. A whole lot of these guys have very, very energetic brains. He won’t be saying a lot, however it’s about how he’s taking info in.” That’s what we form of went for. In that first scene, he doesn’t speak a lot. He listens so much. However we see him analyzing and evaluating. So by the top, when he finds that e-book, it feels just like the start of an activist, a man who’s on the cusp of discovery. Together with your movie popping out on the identical day as Taraji’s sports activities agent movie, What Males Need, is that this chatting with a rising variety within the selection of tasks for Black producers and actors? I hope so. Evidently there are extra fascinating tasks being finished, and locations like Netflix have made that attainable. It’s definitely an thrilling time for me to be on this place, as a result of there are such a lot of different issues I wish to do. My hope is that my manufacturing firm can have an on-going relationship right here at Netflix as we proceed to supply increasingly content material. Excessive Flying Chicken is streaming on Netflix now! http://feeds.bet.com/~r/Betcom-Celebrities/~3/OG_4j4QqCi0/andre-holland-interview-high-flying-bird.html The post André Holland Takes On The NBA In ’High Flying Bird’ appeared first on My style by Kartia. https://www.kartiavelino.com/2019/02/andre-holland-takes-on-the-nba-in-high-flying-bird.html

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themoneybuff-blog · 6 years

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Are you a shopaholic? How to fight a shopping addiction

Yesterday, I mentioned that because I grew up poor, I inherited a faulty money blueprint from my parents. They didnt know how to handle money effectively, so they couldnt teach me how to handle it effectively. I entered adulthood with many of the same bad habits theyd had when I was a kid. I was a compulsive spender, for instance. I had a shopping addiction. I had no willpower, no impulse control. Even when I had no money in the bank, I still found ways to spend. I took on over $20,000 in credit card debt before I turned 25!

Nowadays, I mostly have my spending under control. Im no longer in debt, and I force myself to make conscious decisions about what I purchase. (Conscious spending is one of the keys to overcoming emotional spending.) Having said that, I know that if I relax for even a moment, Ill be right back in my old habits. Ill find myself at the grocery store buying magazines to soothe a bruised ego, or shopping for music in the iTunes store because I had a stressful day. How do I know Ill relapse if Im not careful? Because I do from time to time. When I was prepping for my big talk at the end of June, for example, I felt super stressed and my shopping addiction kicked in. I spent an afternoon browsing on Amazon, putting things in my shopping basket. (I even ordered a few of the things, although I knew I shouldnt.) Emotional spending is comforting not just for me, but for a lot of other people too. Though Im a recovering spendaholic, Im still a spendaholic. Im always one step away from compulsive spending. My story is not unique. What Is a Shopping Addiction? People who have a shopping addiction suffer from whats known as compulsive spending. According to the Illinois Institute for Addiction Recovery: Compulsive shopping and spending is described as a pattern of chronic, repetitive purchasing that becomes difficult to stop and ultimately results in harmful consequences. It is defined as an impulse control disorder and has features similar to other addictive disorders without involving the use of an intoxicating drug. The organization offers the following list of warning signs of a shopping addiction: Shopping of spending money as a result of being disappointed, angry or scared.Shopping/spending habits causing emotional distress or chaos in ones life.Having arguments with others regarding shopping or spending habits.Feeling lost without credit cards.Buying items on credit that would not be bought with cash.Spending money causes a rush of euphoria and anxiety at the same time.Spending or shopping feels like a reckless or forbidden act.Feeling guilty, ashamed, embarrassed or confused after shopping or spending money. Many purchases are never used.Lying to others about what was bought or how much money was spent.Thinking excessively about money.Spending a lot of time juggling accounts and bills to accommodate spending. Ive experienced all of these. In fact, I used to suffer from many of these at the same time. It felt awful. An addiction to spending is a scary, dangerous thing. As with other addictions, victims feel lost and out of control. People who have never suffered from a shopping addiction cant understand the problem, and you may have a hard time explaining it to them. They dont know what its like to see something and feel the urge to buy it now. They dont know the lure of the shopping rush and the subsequent nausea from the guilt have having spent too much. Overspendershave confused and confusing relationships with money, write psychologists Brad and Ted Klontz in Mind Over Money. On one hand, theyre convinced that money and the things it can buy will make them happy; yet theyre often broke because they cant control their spending. Fortunately, Ive learned some ways to cope with emotional spending. Though Im still tempted, I dont spend nearly as much as I used to because Ive developed habits that help me do the right thing, even when the right thing is difficult. How to Fight a Shopping Addiction Based on my own experience and based on conversations Ive had with others here are seven strategies you can use to fight a shopping addiction: Cut up your credit cards. If you have a problem with compulsive spending, destroy your credit cards now. Dont make excuses. Dont jot the account numbers someplace just in case. Dont rationalize that you need them to help your credit score. If credit cards fuel your emotional spending, youre better off without them. (You can always get new cards once youve learned better habits.)Carry cash only. Dont use your checkbook or a debit card. Inconvenient? Absolutely, but thats the point. If youre a compulsive spender, your goal is to break the habit. To do this, youve got to make sacrifices. Spending cash is a way to remind yourself that youre spending real money. Plastic (and to some degree checks) make this connection fuzzy.Track every penny you spend. You may not even be aware of how much youre spending. Back when I let my emotions rule my financial life, I had no idea how many books I was buying, for example. But once I started tracking every dollar that came into and went out of my life, patterns became clear. When you see your spending patterns, you can act on them.Play mind games. For some people, money isnt an emotional issue. Theyre able to make logical choices and not be tempted to otherwise. Theyre lucky. For most of us, however, it doesnt work that way. If youre in this majority, find ways to play tricks on yourself. You might train yourself to use the 30-day rule, for instance: When you see something you want, dont buy it right away; instead, note it on your calendar for 30 days in the future. If you still want it in a month, consider buying it. Ive found that I can keep myself from buying a lot of stuff by simply putting it on my Amazon wish list. I come back later and wonder why I was ever tempted!Avoid temptation. The best way to keep from spending is to avoid situations that tempt you to spend in the first place. If your weakness is books, stay out of bookstores and avoid Amazon. If you tend to overspend at big department stores, stay away from the mall. Stop going to the places where you normally spend, especially if youre under emotional stress.Remind yourself of larger goals. Ive struggled with my weight all my life. Whenever Im tempted to eat something bad, I ask myself, Will this help me or hurt me? The same question can be asked when youre about to make an impulse purchase. Will your new toy bring you closer to your goals or move you further away? (If youre not clear on your larger goals, try drafting a personal mission statement.)Ask for help. Theres no shame in asking for help if youre having trouble with your spending. Talk to a close friend or family member, and ask for support in breaking the cycle of compulsive spending. You may even want to seek professional help. But remember: If you ask for help, dont get angry when your counselors call you on your missteps. Listen to what they have to say. Each of these techniques can help curb your shopping addiction to some degree. Different techniques will appeal to different people. Theres one other strategy that Ive found to be very effective for myself: When I find myself tempted to buy something, I force myself to stop for a moment and ask myself some serious questions.

What to Do When Youre Tempted to Buy Lets say youre in the mall or at the Electronics Emporium. Theres nothing you need to buy, but youre killing time while your spouse finishes an errand. As you wait, you browse. You admire the Thneeds. Look! Theres a new one! Its bright and shiny and you think it will make you happy, so you pick it up, walk to the register to purchase it. Wait! Before you buy, think about the following questions: When will I use this? When you buy compulsively, when you spend on impulse, you tend to acquire a lot of stuff you never use. Look around your home. Do you have unopened CDs or DVDs? Unread books? Unplayed videogames? Do you have clothes that still sport their price tags? Do you have a collection of money-saving gadgets gathering dust in your closets and kitchen drawers? Before you buy something new, ask yourself when youll actually use it and be honest with yourself.Do I have another one like this already? If so, whats wrong with the old one? I use this question in a variety of situations, especially when Im tempted to buy clothes. Kim gets frustrated with my tendency to acquire new t-shirts, for example. You already have five blue t-shirts, she told me recently. Why do you need another? This is also a great question to ask when faced with the urge to upgrade. Do you really need to replace your iPhone?If I buy this, where will I put it? Its surprising how often this question prevents me from buying something new. For the past few years, Ive had limited space to store stuff. First, Kim and I were on the road in an RV with no storage. Next, we moved to a smaller house. If I force myself to think about where Ill store whatever it is that tempts me, thats often enough to make me decide not to buy it.If I buy this, can I pay cash? Would I pay cash for this? When I was in debt, I bought almost everything on credit. I figured I could pay for it later. All of my cash went to pay my credit card bills. I was dumb. Ive since realized that if something isnt worth saving for, if its not worth buying with cash, then its almost certainly not worth buying on credit.Can I buy a good-quality used version for less? I used to be a new snob. I believed that things were only worth buying if I could have them in new, pristine condition. Now I know that great deals can be had on gently used items. This is true of cars, of course, but its also true of games, electronics, clothing, and more. Make a habit of checking Craigslist first and taking a look at your local thrift store.Do I know anyone who already owns one I can borrow? I overheard a story the other day. Evan was preparing for some yardwork and making an inventory of his tools. He decided he wanted a chainsaw. He called his friend Lee to ask for advice on which one to buy. Why do you want to buy a chainsaw? Lee asked. Do you have a lot of trees to clear? Evan admitted that he did not. Then why dont you just borrow mine? Lee asked. When done respectfully, borrowing is a great alternative to buying new.Can I wait to buy this? One of the best things Ive done to fight my shopping addiction is to teach myself to wait. For the past decade, Ive used the afore-mentioned 30-day rule. When I find myself in the Electronics Emporium holding the latest game for the Nintendo Switch, I put it back and tell myself that I can buy it in 30 days if I still want it. The key is to make yourself wait to make a purchase, to not give in to your desire to buy in the moment.Why do I want to buy this? And why do I want to buy it today? Its true that many times Im inclined to buy something because it would fill a need in my life. But just as often I find myself wanting to buy things because Ive recently seen an ad. Or, worse, a friend has shown me some cool new gadget. In these cases, Im not filling an ongoing need; Im simply trying to fill a sense of lack created by comparing myself with others. If I can figure out why I have the urge to buy something, I can sometimes make the urge go away.Are there better options available? This is a great question to trick myself into taking more time. If I find myself browsing Amazon tempted to buy a compound miter saw, for example, I can sometimes talk myself out of it by realizing that I have no idea whether this compound miter saw is the best model. Instead, I go research compound miter saws (or whatever) via Consumer Reports and online review sites. I try to find the best option. Most of the time, the process gets overwhelming: There are so many compound miter saws with so many different features! I lose interest and I save myself some money.What would my partner say if I bought this? Kim isnt opposed to everything I buy, but shes often able to detect compulsive spending when I cannot. Sometimes if Im tempted buy a new toy, I try to put myself in her shoes, to view the purchase through her eyes. If, from her perspective, the purchase seems reasonable, then I consider it. But it looks foolish, I often change my mind. Ive used all of these questions to learn to control my shopping addiction. I dont ask myself all of these questions every time I shop. Each is useful in certain situations. And these questions dont stop all of my purchases. But Ive found that if I give myself honest answers, they can prevent a lot of spending. Additional Resources For more information on coping with compulsive spending and shopping addiction, explore the following web sites: Finally, consider seeking professional help. There is no shame in obtaining psychotherapy for problems that seem bigger than you. Ultimately you must look inward to overcome any form of addiction a therapist is like a trained guide who can help you find the way. The good news is you can overcome this. You can break free from emotional spending. The bad news is that it takes work. It wont happen overnight. Youll make mistakes, and youll backslide. When you do, dont give up. Dont beat yourself up because you bought a new purse or played a round of golf at the new course. Youre human. Keep focused on your long-term goal, and resolve to do better next time. [embedded content] https://www.getrichslowly.org/shopping-addiction/

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apsbicepstraining · 7 years

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Jordan Shakeshaft, Life by Daily Burn

There was a time a few years back when I couldnt sleep more than four hours a night. I would stay up thinking about work and relationships and looming events. And Id wake in the middle of the night to the panic of a mish-mash of incomprehensible thoughtsor worse, the jagged whisper of my dads last breath. My bed wasnt a place of restorationit was a place of unrest. For someone who loves sleep more than hugs, high fives, and new kicks, this was source of major distress.

My problem wasnt uncommon: generalized anxiety disorder. But, like the other 6.8 million Americans with the scarlet A stamped across our furrowed foreheads, it was just life. And the plight of restless nights? I was in the company of 50 to 70 million. Thankfully, my sleep habits would slowly improve over timebut I could still count on one terrible, no-good, sub-five-hour sleep at least once a week.

Then, just last month I plopped that normal New York existence into a proverbial blender and pressed puree. I was moving to the Wellness-Obsessed Capital of the World: Los Angeles. Despite the immediate assault of sunshine and the purchase of a stupidly expensive new mattress (still worth every penny), I was contending with new work hours, new fears (OMG, driving) and people who seemed so nice (but wait, whats the catch?). Within two weeks I was Googling day spas, yoga studios, and meditation centers like a woman possessed.

RELATED: 8 Signs Youre Way Too Stressed (And How to Deal)

Thats when I came across Dream Reality Cinema in Beverly Hills. Not to be confused with your average popcorn-slinging movie theater, this one plays a single film designed to induce dream meditation. Think: eyes wide open, in a floating state of consciousness. Once students master that form of zen, they can move on to lucid dreaming, or the ability to stay conscious while dreaming. (Yup, that means you can control what happens in your dreams, Inception style.) And thats not all: Some believe you can achieve a higher level of thinking, problem solve more effectively, and tap into a greater world of creativity in such a state.

I made an appointment, and promptly added: Next-level ish to my to-do list.

Lucid Dreaming: The Premise

According to the founders, Hungarian philosopher and human cybernetics researcher Sandor Lengyel and physician Emese Toth, MD, the first step to dream meditation requires a bit of guidance. Thats where their 40-minute film comes in, based on 25 years worth of studies on dreaming, relaxation and meditative techniques.

As with other forms of meditation, dream meditation taps into your present thoughts, sensations and emotions, butyou guessed itin a sleepier state (my forte). And while wide-awake meditation practitioners have to deal with physical stimuli around them, dream meditation does two things differently.

[While dreaming], the brain can freely decide what to do and where to take itself.

First, it removes those outside influences, allowing people to theoretically reach a meditative state more easily. As Lengyel puts it, Lucid dreaming is the perfect meditation, because there is no way for your conscious mind to interfere with the practice. Second, it increases the possibility for growth and change, since certain regions of the brain are more active in a dream-like state. (Namely, parts of the visual cortex, motor cortex and motion-sensory areas deep within the brain, according to some sleep experts.)

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Dr. Toth explains: When we are able to live consciously in our dreams, our colorful, real and memorable dream life can develop and become connected with our wakeful life. All this brain boosting on top of the traditional meditation benefits, like reduced anxiety, improved sleep and increased productivity, to name a few.

RELATED: True Life: 60 Minutes in a Sensory Deprivation Tank

Whats more, theres a healthy dose of Inception to lucid dreaming: The film [thats shown in the studio] provides a precisely engineered brain-regenerating program, says Dr. Toth. More specifically, it flips a switch on natural processes that have otherwise been turned off in our heads, such as the ability to think freely and creatively, she says.

This might be explained by the fact that during sleep-mode, the prefrontal area of the brain becomes less active. This is where logical reasoning resides. [While dreaming], the brain can freely decide what to do and where to take itselfIt can behave naturally and unrestricted because nothing forces it to behave otherwise, Dr. Toth says. What results: Restoration, serenity, invigorationor, well, whatever your heart (or head) desires.

Dream Reality Cinema: The Experience

On the Uber ride to Dream Reality Cinema, I scrolled through the studios testimonials. Unlike anything Ive ever experienced before so relaxing My driver pulled up to the corner and I hopped out. No fluorescent marquee, but the whitewashed boutique was undeniably 90210-chic.

Inside, I checked in with the receptionist, who escorted me to the two-person cinema room. She invited me to take a seat in a cushy, zero-gravity leather chair. (Note to self: BYO meditation date?) It reclined just past 180 degrees, my head a few inches below my feet. My guide requested that my glasses come off. Sorry, but Im blind? Thats OK, she said. The super-fancy wraparound specs came on, and she directed my finger to the adjustable focus so even near-sighted folks like me could see.

Focus, Shakeshaft, you cannot write a story about a fancy nap.

I asked if I could somehow take notes. She chuckled, assuming I was kidding, and handed me a plush blanket to tuck myself in. (She clearly did not know of my ability to text and Instagram in my sleep.) She asked if I need anything elsewater or tea? (Another note to self: BYO Swedish Fish.) I slipped my sandals off as the lights in the room faded to black.

To start the session, newbie lucid dreamers required a primer. A short, animated introduction video offered a few key tips. The first, Just let yourself react freely. Meaning: Do not force yourself to mediate, concentrate or, like this writer did, attempt to take mental notes for her article. When text appears on screen, do not zero in to read the words. Instead, maintain full-screen vision. That is, seeing everything at the same time. As you should do in life, as well, the creators explain. It was 4 p.m. and my brain-slash-life was already foggy from the day. Focus, Shakeshaft, you cannot write a story about a fancy nap.

RELATED: This Is Your Body on Sleep Deprivation

What followed was a winding path of visualizations to coax me into the elusive conscious-yet-dreaming state. At one point I was prompted to imagine I was a tiny pebble falling into a vast body of water. I played along. Falling, falling and, sure enough, the rest gets fuzzy. My expertly-crafted sensory experience (just as I suspected) had turned into a warm and glorious slumber. How long was I asleep? Would the receptionist know?

I peeled my eyelids apart and settled back into the film, as I was coached to do. Positive affirmations floated to the screen. My thoughts drifted over to my new LA life, my people, my kittens, my self-worth, my ability to conquer whatever lies ahead. Basically, my inner Jessica was telling me I can do anything good!

I was conscious, that I knew. But was I getting closer to lucid dreaming mode? I waited patiently for my higher-level abilities to kick in. Mind awake, body asleep. Mind awake, body asleep, I told myself. Just like Elliot from Mr. Robot chanted during his own reality-bending, hyper-woke episodes. But something (possibly my sudden hunger pangs or late-onset fidgeting) told me I wasnt quite there.

Moments later, the film concluded and my trusty guide tiptoed back in.

Mind awake, body asleep. Mind awake, body asleep, I told myself.

Did I like the experience? I think so.

Did I feel different now than when I walked in? Sorta.

Did I manage to find a dream-like meditative state? Definitely maybe?

Like a kid who stole the Butterfinger and knew she had to come clean, I told her I maaayy have fallen asleep. Once. OK twice. Lady, I fell asleep three times. But I swear I didnt mean to!

She reassured me that was totally normal. In fact, most people do on their first visit, she said.

Living in a Dream: The Assessment

During my hour-long session, no, I did not learn how to lucid dream. And I shouldnt have expected to. Dr. Toth explains that lucid dreaming takes many sessions of practice and self-analysis. Only with continued practice will individuals learn to remember, control and eventually unlock valuable information stored deep in the subconscious mind.

The dreaming state gives us permission to allow changes within us and we begin to behave and think differently.

Instead, the dream meditation session teaches you a fundamental skill that you can build upon: [How] to have an active and independent consciousness instead of being a passive follower of someone or something, says Dr. Toth. Those guilty of moving robotically from one day to the next? Shes talking to us.

The dreaming state gives us permission to allow changes within us and we begin to behave and think differently. Sometimes we experience a more evolved way of thinking, a type of expansion, Dr. Toth says. This is where the so-called boost in creativity, memory function, and other positive changes take place.

As for the claims that dream meditation will normalize sleep or stress disorders? For me, TBD. While I did sleep like a champ that night, the founders emphasize that any long-term improvements will require a lengthier commitment.

So is this the ultimate brain hack? Or the most fantastical placebo effect this side of the San Andreas Fault? Maybe it doesnt matter. If youre taking 60 minutes of your day to clear some headspace, that in and of itself might be the win. At least it was for me.

Dream Reality Cinema has two locations: Los Angeles, California, and Budapest, Hungary. The studio currently offers one film, Dream Meditation, but is working on a new program, Active Dreaming, which will delve more deeply into lucid dreaming. Each session is $45 and a monthly unlimited membership is $200.

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topsolarpanels · 7 years

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The Tea Party leader taking a stand for solar energy: ‘I will do what’s right’

Debbie Dooley is a self-described crusader for solar power in Florida, where she is up against major public power utilities. But she has already won a similar battle in Georgia, and she says her message is that of a true conservative

Debbie Dooley is a firebrand Republican and an outspoken founding member of the Tea Party. But in a fast-intensifying battle over the future of solar power in Florida, she is not on the side you might expect.

Along with a diverse grassroots citizens coalition including environmentalists and other left-leaning activists, Dooley is taking on Big Energy and its big-spending conservative backers in an intriguing fight that puts her toe-to-toe with her onetime political allies.

She is at the spearhead of a campaign to place an initiative before Florida voters next year that would give consumers the freedom to choose to buy their solar energy from smaller private companies and bypass the mega-bucks utilities.

Its Floridas solar eclipse, says Dooley, who points to statistics she claims are proof that the Sunshine State is trailing the nation in utilising its most plentiful natural resource.

If the initiative is successful, Florida would no longer be one of only four states that prohibits so-called third-party power purchase agreements (PPA), which, in basic terms, refer to a consumer allowing a company to install solar panels with no upfront cost, then paying the company for electricity that the panels generate.

As things stand, only those who can afford the substantial initial outlay can power up from the sun, a situation Dooley says is unacceptable. With Florida 14th in the country in terms of installed solar capacity, only $63m was spent on new installations statewide in 2014, according to the Solar Energy Industries Association.

Lets remove the barriers, remove the shackles that protect the monopolies and allow consumer choice and freedom, said Dooley, whose Green Tea coalition of environmentally conscious conservatives is a key component of the Floridians for Solar Choice amalgam.

Unsurprisingly, the big public power utilities dont like the message being pushed by the activists as they tour the state attempting to collect the 683,000 signatures needed by February to get the initiative on Novembers ballot. So companies including Florida Power and Light, Duke Energy, Tampa Electric and Gulf Power are among the donors who have ploughed millions of dollars into a rival group, Consumers for Smart Solar, which is promoting its own initiative that would enshrine in the states constitution their exclusive right to sell solar power.

Their argument is that opening up the industry the way the citizens coalition wants would lead to less regulation and extra expense for traditional consumers in subsidies for the solar industry.

As the duel has become more caustic in recent months, so have the attacks from rightwingers on Dooley, who has driven thousands of miles across Florida with her partner Jason to speak at rallies, lunches and other engagements in support of a new direction for solar power. Some have called her a fake conservative and say she has betrayed her Republican roots. Others have branded her eccentric and dismissed her travels as a solar-powered clown show as she shills for the industry.

I dont worry about the attacks because I understand the political reality, which is theyre afraid of you, Dooley told the Guardian after a recent speaking engagement before the League of Women Voters of Palm Beach County.

If youre not being successful, theyre going to ignore you, so Im really getting under someones skin. I have to laugh at that.

Back in 2009, feeling that the Republican party had lost its way, Dooley joined up with 21 like-minded supporters to give the Tea Party movement its first organised structure. I was tired of politics as usual, tired of big money controlling everything, she said, explaining why she became a director of the Tea Party Patriots.

Now, she says, she finds it ironic that much of the criticism comes from rightwing groups who shared her beliefs, including the Koch brothers-funded American Legislative Exchange Council, but which take an opposite stance on clean energy.

True conservatives champion free-market choice, not government-created monopolies that stifle competition. she said. Trying to protect monopolies from competition is not free market. You should be bound by your principles and develop your position on issues based on your principles, not who your financial donors are.

The presence of Dooley, a pastors daughter from Bogalusa, Louisiana, in the midst of the Florida battle could prove to be a trump card, according to Stephen Smith, executive director of the Southern Alliance for Clean Energy.

Here in Florida, the political leadership is conservative, so having a voice like Debbies and others on the conservative side to be able to stand up for solar is very critical to the success of running this ballot initiative, he said.

Additionally, this is a conflict Dooley has fought and won before. She says the arguments in Florida, and the tactics employed, are similar to those that existed two years ago in Georgia, another red state wrestling with the solar power issue. Despite heavy opposition from the utilities there, and what she says was its $10m war chest against the organisation, Dooleys grassroots coalition won the day, with a third-party solar bill clearing the legislature this April.

If you mentioned solar in Georgia, it was always, No way, no how, but we won that fight with people power, Dooley said. We couldnt match them in money, so we built a coalition, we got free media, we got our message out there. It was easier for us to get press coverage because people were amazed you had these conservative groups, Tea Party groups, the Sierra Club, elected officials, all joining forces to oppose this.

We all had different messages, the different groups, but we were working for the same goal. If we agree solar is the way to go, we come together and ignore issues we may disagree on while respecting the right of everyone to believe and advocate for them. But come together and stay focused. There are many different roads into Atlanta, where I live, and you make your choice depending on which direction youre coming from. What matters is that you end up there.

Debbie Dooley in Atlanta: We won that fight with people power. Photograph: Tom Pietrasik for the Guardian

Even as a little girl, Dooley refused to be put in a box. When her grandfather bought her a dress-up cowgirl costume as a Christmas gift when she was just seven, the self-confessed tomboy complained loudly.

I dont want that. I dont want be a cowgirl. I want a cowboy outfit, Dooley recalls shouting at her relatives. I was so upset, they took it right back and got me the cowboy outfit. Theyd assumed because I was a girl that was what I wanted. But I was not afraid to challenge the norms.

Dooley says her early years following her fathers preachings in Louisiana, Tennessee and Florida helped to shape her political leanings and turned her into the driven character she is today at the age of 57.

I learned at a very early age to speak up and not be taken advantage of. I had no issue doing that, she said. My daddy prepared me well: he was strong, not afraid to take a step out, and I get a lot of my traits from him.

I will do whats right and damn the torpedoes kind of thing. If you know a preachers kid, you know they can be rebellious. People have preconceived notions about you and you fight to show its not like that. You grow up tough, you grow up to be independent.

Any pastor will tell you, you can have 100 in your congregation and only a portion of them will be happy at any one time. You understand that not everyone will be happy; you just do your best and stand for whats right.

Dooley, however, insists that taking a stand does not always have to be a politically charged move. I became a crusader for solar and Im appealing to conservatives, [but] I believe being good stewards of the environment God gave us should not be a partisan issue, she says, pointing out that it was the ultra-conservative president Ronald Reagan who championed the 1987 Montreal Protocol that phased out chlorofluorocarbons (CFCs) from aerosols to protect the ozone layer.

I believe in clean energy. Ive always cared about clean air and a clean environment. Ive always been like that, she said.

I have a grandson, Aiden, who is seven. Hell know I fought for energy choice and freedom, hell know I fought for a clean environment for him, so he wouldnt have a polluted world. I see it is my legacy to him.

Unfortunately, the legacy of some of my fellow Republicans is that they simply denied that we were damaging our environment because they were greedy for economic reasons.