Couple small drawings of Ian and Ada in my normal style

2019 December Update

The game is officially playable from beginning to end!

That battle has concluded...

Soon begins the war! But first, a brief reprieve for the holidays.

And I must throw in the usual caveats. We're still playtesting, we're still polishing, we still gotta get age ratings, more red tape, etc etc. And most importantly, we need to figure out the launch strategy. Think Megaman, charging his shot for 5 and a half years... We're not allowed to miss at this point. It has to HIT.

Luckily, we're in a relatively stable position where we don't have to rush the game out immediately. It's not LAUNCH or STARVE - it's... take some time to aim a little. We don't want to launch in the shadow of a bigger behemoth game, and we don't want to launch completely unknown either. We have to build up the game's media presence, which has been neglected so far. I know it's annoying to have to continue to wait... but please bear with us a little longer!

Here's what we've been doing for the past couple months.

---------- THE SCRIPT ----------

The script sits at over 80,000 words. I didn't realize the significance until a teammate told me that that's actually as long as a novel! I looked it up, and sure enough, it's a little longer than the first Harry Potter. But unlike Harry Potter, hardly any of these words are wasted on, pffft, narration. It's all juicy dialogue!

(Some of the game's golden nuggets of dialogue)

There was actually a lot of mundanity getting to the end. Pirate, acting as my editor, caught tons of errors and inconsistencies. One of the most recurring issues had to do with capitalization. I like to capitalize things, often inconsistently. Some common questions that arose:

Why is this text highlighted yellow, and this one highlighted blue?

Why is this monster name capitalized, but this monster not?

Why is this item capitalized, and this one not?

... and so on!

All very mundane issues, but all very necessary to tackle. And there was a TON of 'em. (em vs 'em was another thing we had to make consistent). I actually did some research to see what capitalization rules Zelda had. From what I could tell, when it comes to animals and monsters in the Zelda universe:

All monsters are capitalized

All regular animals are not capitalized

The Cuccos are special, and ARE capitalized

(a collage of Zelda pictures I assembled to study)

In the Zelda universe, all regular items are lowercase, but highlighted blue when mentioned in a quest context (e.g. "butter", "hylian wheat"). Items can be uppercase, if they are special named items (e.g. "Sheikah Slate"). We adopted similar rules as Zelda in some cases, and deviated in others. For instance, in the Phoenotopia universe, there isn't a clear distinction between animals and monsters - that fish monster is really just an animal that happens to be the alpha predator in its natural habitat. So most entities are lowercase, but "big deal" entities can be uppercase.

(we made a formal document to consult whenever a question regarding capitalization arises)

---------- A SAMPLING of QUEST AND CHARACTERS ----------

A lot of new quests have arisen in our great writing effort extending over the past several months. And with it, new characters, big and small. I'll tease a sampling of some of them here (warning: some light spoilers ahead):

My favorite new quest is undoubtedly our game's new "Trading Quest". This one takes inspiration from the Zelda series - the trading quest similarly has you roaming the world and its towns in search of needy people who desire a particular item. Deliver them the item they desire, and get a new item. Do this 10 times, and the ultimate weapon awaits you at the end.

I tried some things to vary up the formula. Some NPCs don't reveal what they need right away - steps have to be taken to get them there. It's also possible to go down the wrong route in the sequence, and have to double-back. We try to keep it interesting.

---------- LOOT PLACEMENTS & GAME BALANCING ----------

A great effort was also spent towards balancing the game this past 2 months. Because even one good healing item, easily obtained, can throw the game's whole difficulty off-kilter. And this same principle applies to other areas, like the money economy and player powerup options. Altogether, they form a very delicate ecosystem for enjoyment.

One of the recent things I did for this game was put down exactly where each heart ruby, energy gem, and moonstone could be found. And this was actually a rather involved process because you have a limited number of rewards to distribute (you wouldn't want the final max HP count to be a weird number like 297). Put too many rewards in the beginning, and the late dungeons would have no rewards to offer. Put too much in the end, and the inverse happens.

I found myself going back into earlier areas and plundering their rewards to fill the later areas. And then to ensure a relatively even spread of rewards within each area themselves, I drew crude maps of the dungeons & their reward spots, so that they could be studied from a bird's eye perspective.

But it was still not enough. With NPC quests and towns also taking up their own allotment of the rewards, I found myself running low on things to distribute. So I went back to the books and upped the number of rewards across the board. Before there were 44 Heart Rubies to collect - there are now 55. Before each Heart Ruby boosted your max HP by 5, but now each one now boosts your max HP by 4, so your final max HP count would still end up the same. It's kinda similar to what happened with Twilight Princess, where they broke with tradition and made 5 heart containers required to gain a new heart instead of the usual 4. Overall, the final tally for treasure to find is:

55 heart pieces

30 energy gems

108 moon stones

Who's crazy enough to collect them all?

---------- BADGES / ACHIEVEMENTS ----------

As one of the game's finishing touches, there's a menu for BADGES - they're this game's version of achievements. This is an ongoing task that we hope to stamp out this December. A few favorites of mine from the original flash game will return ("Pillow Connoisseur" is among them).

(The menu looks like this before any badges are earned)

I allocated slots for just 33 badges, so we're selecting the badges very carefully. We got rid of most of the fluffy ones that appeared in the flash game - we wanted to reduce the number of badges that you would earn automatically for just playing the game (so no more "1st boss", "2nd boss", "3rd boss" achievements). We're aiming for a healthy mix of easily earned badges, hard earned badges, collectathon badges, secret fun badges, and so on.

The badges have another twist - they bear miniaturized portraits of characters from the game! In the initial brainstorm mockup phase, I wasn't really fond of the badge designs. You got a medal of a heart because you collected some hearts, and you got the medal of a moonstone for collecting moonstones, etc. It just seemed so... expected.

(various badge mockups)

How could we engage the players on a more fun and deep level? The idea came - what if we attached pictures of the people you meet on your journey? And these people's stories and character would have a connection with the achievement? That could keep the player guessing which character would come attached with an achievement, or even reveal a hidden detail about the character you didn't know.

---------- MUSIC ----------

Will has just one more task to do. And that's to recut the song for the trailer. One of our other goals for this December is to make a really good trailer... again. There's actually 2 other trailers we cut and never made public for reasons. Maybe I'll talk about them one day in the post-mortem.

Since this may be the last conventional update, we wondered with which song to best leave the audience. And we decided that the most suitable song is "Sanctuary". It's a song that the player will often encounter often when they happen upon a quiet resting place in the world.

There's a little story behind this song. Two and a half years ago, I linked Will the Earthbound song, "Buzz buzz's prophecy", and told him, make a song like that!

In response, Will made "Sanctuary".

Give it a listen HERE. What do you think? Did Will hit close to the greats?

---------- FAN ART ----------

Three fan arts have come in the last couple months. I display them here proudly:

Another submission by Cody G! Gale looking shy as she flashes the V sign for the camera. I like how Cody G's art is continually evolving. Note the additional detail on her eye, and how her hair is drawn extra fluffy. Very nice!

Shafiyahh is another consistent contributor, and made one in the spirit of Halloween. I really like their costumes! Gale as an angel, and Lisa as a demon, fittingly captures their relationship, since Gale is the responsible one and Lisa is the troublemaker. So cute!

A contribution from a new artist, Negativus Core! Wow, Gale looks so bada-- here! We often forget about Gale's tough side due to the cutesy graphics. This is probably how her enemies see her. And the gummy (slime) is a cute touch!

---------- FINAL NOTES ----------

Similar to last year, this will be the last update for a while. If things run too slow, I'll post a status update come end of February 2020.

It's possible, and this is a BIG IF, that something notable happens sooner than expected - like we're going to a con or we have reason to drop the trailer sooner than later. If so, this blog will update earlier than expected. BIG IF. Otherwise, it's end of February till next you hear of us.

The game's development has reached a new uncharted territory. We're going to take the time and figure out exactly what our next steps are. In addition, we'll still be doing some playtesting and script polishing. And we'll be taking a break too. It is the holiday season, things move kind of slow around this time of year. We'll enjoy the company of our family and friends.

Until then, Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Professor attempts to destroy my education!

Disclaimer:

It was my first time (when I posted this first in r\MaliciousCompliance) in Reddit altogether. Did not even know about ProRevenge. They have mentioned that my story might belong here. So please do let me know if it does not. I will remove it.  

English is my second language and I am a IT Professional, which means I do not get to practice writing in English all that much. So any punctuation, grammatical or any other errors, including overuse of exclamation mark can hopefully be forgiven.

TL;DR at the bottom.  

In my adopted motherland, I am a religious minority. I am a proud citizen now of this land who immigrated here. And stereotyping while not very common, but not uncommon here. And this story is from my college life.

It was one of my programming course that college hired a new professor for. Although I am a religious minority and the professor was from a different religion (which also, technically a religious minority in this land) that did not really mesh up well, I did not (as I still do not) care at all! You see, I myself am not much religious and my point of view about religion is from the prospective of (social) science. I believe my first religion is Humanity! Everything else is just a label!

So, back to the story, This professor was teaching us the basics of C++ (as the course was the Intro to C++) and during the final, he gave us a Final project that either counted as the entire final or a major portion of the final exam (can't recall the exact details since it was about 13 years ago). Once the project was done, we email it to him and he grades it. I do that and wait for my grade. It was Spring semester and Summer brake/session is about to begin.

Now, another bit of info here, if in a course, you get an "F" (for Failing), the following semester, you can take the course back again and if you pass, that "F" gets erased from your record and you are on your merry way toward your degree. BUT for some reason, (like if you do not submit your final project), you get an "I" (Incomplete) and now you have "X amount of time to Complete that work" so that "I" can be transformed into a grade. I am not too sure now, but I believe if you retake the entire course again, you get a grade but that "I" stays with you and goes to your Transcript/Diploma. It is extremely frowned upon and may hinder your graduation!

So, after waiting a few weeks for the semesters' result, I see I got an "I"! Immediately I emailed the professor asking why I got an I! No response! I call his office number... No response! I go to the department, they tells me that the professor have notated in my record (as I guess it was customary to do so)  that I have not submitted my Final project and hence the "I". To which I fumed up and stated that I had indeed sent my final project using our College email system. But the department states since I am within "Y" days of that "X amount of Days" (before I need to take care of that "I") and since the professor went back to his motherland for a month, I should wait for him to return and he is the only one that can reverse the "I" from my grade! They mentioned that He probably somehow missed my email containing my final project. The department assured me that once he is back from his country, they will instruct him to fix this and notify me of it.  

I waited for his return till the very last week of that "X amount of Days". He did not come back! So that week, I went back to the department and stated my case. They mentioned that since he was not back, they will email him to get some form of "OK.. I received his email with the project and I see that either he passed or failed, he gets a grade!" The Comp Sci department CC's me on that email. To my utter disbelief, that professor emails back the department chair (I am still CC'ed on it) that he went back to the email and checked! And he got NOTHING from me! So that "I" stays! He explicitly states that "I" (for Incomplete) stays!

At this point I began to fume so much so that I went back to my Department chair and the department chair now wants me to prove that I sent him that on THAT particular time (right before the end of Final). I login to the email account and I dig through and find the email; showing it in the "Sent" box. Department chair replies to that professor that the chairman concurs that I indeed sent that email to the professor. To which then, the professor replies "It may very well be, but you know how sometimes although the email is sent, it does not arrive at the recipients inbox! so I did not get it!" And right after that email, the professor now goes silent and does not respond back to the chairs' emails! every time I send an email, especially when as important as the college final project (since we are supposed to only use the email address that the college provided) when I sent the project from the college email, I also CC'ed my personal email on that! I show the receipt email from my personal email and department chair agrees that the email was indeed sent!  

By this point, I am extremely desperate to overturn that "I". I will take an "F" if needed, but that "I" will hurt my education.

I was extremely popular in our college circuit; so much so that (our college was under a "Chain Education" system  and I will not mention any names here; that had more than 20 different Colleges/Universities all across this city!) I knew the head honcho, the Chancellor and the college president very much and very well!

Now, on the last day, I go to the College president as well as the Chancellor! show them the proof and state my case (I might have mentioned to them that I am in the process of getting a Lawyer as I feel that this is a clear, blatant and extreme prejudice against me and may very well be racially motivated!)! They agrees that the professors' behavior contained a negative intent toward me by giving me an "I" and not a grade that can be the either of "A, B, C, D or F". I also lodge a formal complaint against the professor right then and there! They immediately instructs my department chair to take my project and grade it and then change that "I". Now you gotta understand that this was not a norm! The Chair does that and I end up getting an "A".

When someone becomes a professor for the first time, the first year or so are their Probationary period and if they do not make much splash, they can become permanent. And now, the Chancellor and the President of my college decides that it's  in the University's best interest not to retain that professor any longer! Simply put, they FIRED his ASS!!!

I get my grade, I am happy! Summer ends. A new "Winter Session" is about to begin and I get an email in my personal as well as college email account from that very same professor! Lo and behold! He apologizes to me for his behavior without directly admitting his prejudiced action toward me and asks me to withdraw my complaint so he can attempt to get his Job back!!!!  

I CC that email to the department chair, the college president and the Chancellor  and reply to him that "I will not withdraw my complaint at all and he is lucky that I did not involve my lawyer for the serious harm that he intended to cause me! And I wish and pray that he never gets another chance to teach again; in the event that he might try to ruin another students' life!"

I graduated from that institution so long ago... but of all the great memories, the few sad ones, this sticks out to me!

TL;DR: Professor tries to ruin my education life due to the religious differences; ends up ruining his own career!

EDIT:

Many asked the question Why do I think it was due to religious differences?

Answer: I am damn good at computers and maths. So it certainly was not for the lack of my education! I was the only one from my faith. Now I have to admit, that professor didn't say anything directly negative toward me while in class (as far as I can recall ; it's been more than 13 years since that class). But why only me getting an "I" from the entire class?! Because even if he counted the other grades and ignored the final project, I still wouldn't have failed). But what else could be the reason?! Maybe I didn't pay enough attention to his daughter (joking here! I don't even know if he had one)?!

Now some context of the grading: 99.99 percent of the students gets a grade like A, B, C, D, or F. But the ones that gets an "I" for incomplete it turns into an "I F". Means Incomplete Failure. When you finish your curriculum, you get your transcript, and when you Complete the entire degree requirement, you get your diploma and get to Graduate! That "I" and then "I F" would probably have denied me my Diploma! What good does a transcript do in job interviews without the physical diploma?!

(source) (story by bebgaltiger18)

Live-blogging The Hobbit

Since I said I’d talk about how much I love Bilbo.

Also, live-blogging might be a generous description. A report from the brim every few chapters, maybe.

Might be annoying to my current followers, but they’d do well to remember this is how I got most of them, even if the live-blogging was for a different fandom. 

Now, to start! The first two chapters!

An Unexpected Party

The very first page, with the description of Bag End, had me doing a lot of double takes, mostly because of things I already thought I knew because of, you know, osmosis, so it went a bit like:

 “the hobbit was fond of visitors” ????? Didn’t Bilbo use the One Ring specifically to avoid unwanted visitors? 

However big you thought Bag End was, you’ll have to guess again. The most generous illustration probably got the size wrong. It not only has multiple bedrooms (not enough for all of the dwarves, though), it has wardrobes (rooms dedicated to clothes), and kitchens, and dining rooms.

“most Bagginses were rich” Clearly the best use for their money would have been to redistribute it, but are you trying to tell me some of them weren’t and the rest just said it was none of their business?

The fact that the Bagginses are described as reliable/predictable and Bungo doesn’t get much personal description while Belladonna, of the Took clan, outstanding/odd, does get further insight into her place in her family and is described as both famous and remarkable? *kisses fingers like chef*

Like, up till now, the only description he personally gets is, like, “Bungo, that was Bilbo’s father, built the most luxurious hobbit-hole for her (and partly with her money)” and it’s still a description of Belladonna because the paragraph’s about her still, you can tell because, even though in the last sentence Bungo was the subject, Bilbo is still referred as “her” son.

Also fitting because Bilbo’s arc is about accepting his heritage from both parts of his family, and we’re about to get into how much of a Baggins he is, so extra emphasis into the Took side will be good for the next few chapters.

So, it says Gandalf last visited before the Old Took died, which was in S.R. 1320, when Bilbo was 30, a.k.a. 20 years before. While Gandalf is definitely remarkable enough, given the time lapse, I can forgive Bilbo for forgetting about his appearance. My reasons are that my own memory begins to get blurry about faces some five minutes after someone’s gone out of my sight.

“‘Good Morning!’ said Bilbo, and he meant it.” [to Gandalf]“‘All of them at once,” said Bilbo. “[...] If you have a pipe about you, sit down and have a fill of mine! [tobacco]’” and I’m going to skip a bit here, [to Dwalin] “‘I am just about to take tea; pray come and have some with me.’ A little stiff perhaps, but he meant it kindly.” Just... he’s so nice? Often in interpretations of the Shire and of Bilbo himself, when hobbits are nice it’s a matter of politeness for its own sake, as a ritual, but he’s so earnest? It’s really politeness as a kindness, as it should be. The only times this isn’t the case is when, after Gandalf reveals he’s looking for a fellow adventurer, when he just shit-talks adventures and looks at his mail hoping Gandalf will just go away instead of telling him himself... until he gets tired and does so. Then later when he gathers from Balin that a lot of people might be showing up and you can sense some reluctance in his decision to go without, and a focus on duty. And last as the night goes on and the dwarves keep being rude af. 

Also, I once saw someone wonder why Gandalf would mention Belladonna in the movie when he supposedly knew the Old Took, and someone said it was just to make the connection more direct, son->mother, instead of son->mother->grandfather. Well,

[Picture of my book, relevant quote: “To think that I should have lived to be good-morninged by Belladonna Took’s son; as if I was selling buttons at the door!”. End description]

Read ‘em and weep.

A funny thing about the book is the narration. It’s supposed to be Bilbo’s account, just compiled by Tolkien, right? So, Bilbo’s descriptions, meaning how he is described, are noteworthy. Admittedly, I don’t read autobiographies, so I don’t know what’s a common way to describe yourself in third person, but this narrator is kinda... distant from Bilbo? In that you don’t get the sense he’s writing the story. He’s at once roasted relentlessly and praised, mocked and defended. All in all it’s an affectionate voice, although one that feels the need to go “listen, I know how this all looks and that you doubt him now (and honestly? same), but he’s a pretty cool guy, once you get to know him.”

“Bless me, life used to be quite inter-- I mean, you used to upset things badly in these parts once upon a time.” Lmao

“Very amusing for me, very good for you” - Gandalf about sending Bilbo to his death.

Bilbo, to Gandalf: “Come tomorrow!”

Bilbo, to himself: “what”

Himself, to Bilbo: “I also don’t want me to be doing what I’m doing.”

Strange dwarf (with a blue beard?): *basically pushes his way into Bilbo’s house*. Bilbo: ............... wanna eat?

“The poor little hobbit sat down in the hall and put his head in his hands, and wondered what had happened, and what was going to happen, and whether they would all stay to supper.” Hero. Those are appropriate priorities. Meanwhile, there’s people waiting for him to open the door lmao.

*banging at Bag End’s door with a stick instead of ringing the bell* 

Bilbo: who’s the fucking beast.

“Bilbo sat on a stool by the fireside, nibbling at a biscuit (his appetite was quite taken away), trying to look as if this was all perfectly ordinary and not in the least an adventure.” They [the Valar] can’t see you if you don’t move.

I like how “Far Over the Misty Mountains Cold” is about both the gold and treasure and the sheer history, represented by song. Yes, the lyrics are mostly about the treasure, but the book itself says it can barely be called a song without the music. The dwarves’ work is talked about without equating it with their craft, but more as a cultural activity that builds identity, again, like songs. They’re mentioned both in the context of being sung deep in the mountain, only for dwarves ears. This comes to a head later, when the last line says “to win our harps and gold from him!” From this, I’ve reached the conclusion that dwarves don’t just want the Mountain for the economic benefits, but because of the sense of cultural identity, represented by songs and harps, that they lost along with Erebor. I’m sure this isn’t surprising in general, or a new reading of dwarves in general, or even a new reading of the song in particular, but I just wanted to put it out there.

I like how immersed in, well, everything Bilbo has been up to now. I get this feeling of constant movement in the inside from him. Every smoke ring fascinates him, and every suggestion of adventure appalls him, and everything that happens is the best and worst thing that’s ever happened to him, not (just) because of his (sometimes, this doesn’t happen that much) exaggerated reactions, but the time he takes to tell us his feelings and thoughts about things. 

Also, him being snapped out of his adventurous daze by a sudden fear for his home (comfort), A+ Baggins/Took conflict.

“I want these dwarves to think I could fuck someone up, which is made all the easier by my desire to fuck them up”

“As soon as I saw your funny faces in the door-step, I had my doubts.” Bilbo that’s racist.

Gandalf is like that meme of the driver who’s threatening to turn the car around because his children are being rowdy, only instead he insists he will not turn the car around no matter how much they beg.

I don’t know if this is the I’ve Watched The Movie Where He Was A Main Character Syndrome talking, but I’m feeling much more compassionate towards Thotin this time around.

I noticed what I’d written the moment I finished the word, but this is too fucking hilarious to correct.

Bilbo: “uhh, five feet high is pretty noticeable for a door”

Tolkien: you’ll have to forgive him, he was born with dumb bitch disease. The buffoon. The absolute animal.

Also, “He loved maps, and in his hall, there hung a large one of the Country Round with all his favourite walks marked in it with red ink.” In this house we love one (1) nerd.

Thorin: *bitches*

Bilbo: Not in my house. *bitches harder*

Thorin: you fucking hayseed.

Bilbo: prob, bob?

Roast Mutton

I commend Bilbo for actually going - if I had to run for 15 minutes they’d still be waiting for me.

Did Gandalf bring Bilbo an actual bag or did he just decide pipe weed and handkerchiefs were the only thing he’d need for a five month minimum journey.

If he has time to complain about it, he also has time to sew himself some clothes out of the kerchiefs ig

“[Gandalf] had eaten most, talked most, and laughed most. But now he was simply not there at all!” Gandalf you ass.

“Dwarves can make fire almost anywhere out of almost anything” this has so much comedic potential.

I relate to Bilbo because I always catch on to the fact that I’m supposed to be lying way too late.

Kinda reminds me of that post about the fae who’ve learned how to tell the truth in a very specific way so it will be misunderstood being flabbergasted by someone who just comes up to them and lies.

Bilbo: *is caught lying*

Trolls: 

Bill said burrahobbit rights!

Dwarves:

Gotta hand it to Tolkien, though, Bilbo does have dumb bitch disease.

I love how Sting is supposed to be just as special as Orcrist and Glamdring, yet the narration makes such a small deal of it. It’s clear from the start it’s of the same make as them because, although it’s not mentioned along with them at first (which makes sense, since it’s sheath’s not as pretty, Thorin and Gandalf’s taking of the swords isn’t even separated from Bilbo’s by a stop, just a semicolon, yet it doesn’t get a second though.

I like how in the movie it’s all Gandalf: “Imladris” Bilbo: *delighted gasp* “Rivendell” while in the book it’s Gandalf: “Rivendell” Bilbo: “Where’s that?” Gandalf: “Don’t interrupt!”

So that’s that! Don’t know if I should stick to doing it like this, every two or so chapters, or every chapter as soon as I finish, or try to do my impressions as I go and then publish them when I’m done, because this actually took me longer than I thought it would.

Arrival on Dugi otok: The monastery and the locals in Zaglav

Zadar’s archipelago. The trip started in Zadar and ended up in Zaglav on the first day.

I took the bus **from Zagreb to Zadar **at 6am and planned to get on the first boat that goes for **Zaglav **afterwards. While almost missing the bus in the morning I managed to get there in time and bought the ticket for my catamaran. The ticket for the non-islanders was about 20 -25 HRK (around 3 Euros) for one direction. Soon enough I was aboard the catamaran whose trip to Zaglav took around an hour and 15 minutes. During the trip I had the pleasure to talk to one of the locals from Sali who shared some tips on the DOs and DON'Ts on the island.

On it’s way to Zaglav we went beneath the bridge that connects the islands Ugljan and Pašman passing by the town of **Kali **(another place on the list to visit). Then you find yourself surrounded with multiple islands I couldn’t remember the names yet the last one to the west had numerous hills, so long you couldn’t see its end. Of course it was Dugi otok (the Long island). I’ve never been so far to the west in this area and the inner Indiana Jones for exploring and adventures was waking up.

This was my printed map of the island. I removed the names of the wanted locals for the interview and where to find them in each place due to privacy.

Soon we reached Sali and headed then few minutes to the north to Zaglav. I took all the stuff I had and I had several bags and a luggage. Just before we reached Zaglav I had two phone calls from my local saviours. One was from friar Izak, the monk from the monastery, who was waiting for me and my stuff with his squad in his car. The other one was Goran, the guy responsible for delivering the bakery products across the island throughout the year in his van. He was the one who helped me with the vehicles by lending me his old car to use for four days. Just when I stepped on the island he was there at the gas station tanking it up fully. Yes, full till the end. I gave friar Izak and his fellas my stuff and met with Goran and his family to take me up to the monastery.

Here it was where I earned the name „The Baker“ in the next couple of days. It started with his wife asking me „So, are you a baker?“ and later on several locals who’d see me coming by car (as Goran does) would frequently ask me „Are you a baker?“. In the end I gave up and said „Yes, I am a baker“. The second name that followed me was “The Journalist guy”.

We went uphills. Now here is a thing with the most places on Dugi otok. The core of these villages is mostly on the hill, not next to the sea. People went down to the coast much later. The monastery was at the end of the road on the hill. Also, the roads are only for one vehicle at the time which was interesting as you had to be careful if someone from the opposite direction was coming from behind the corner and then one of you two would have to somehow the way to step aside. That was done either by going backwards or finding a quick spot to move aside. Not to say that many of these roads or streets were pretty narrow and at some points you were surrounded with the stone fence wall. All of this makes it easy to damage your car. In the beginning I was more careful with it but then grew confidence because simply the things like that are just normal there and you gotta accept it. Again, you can’t do this in Zagreb without bad consequences.

**The monastery of St Michael **

The entrance as seen from the center of the yard

Voila, there we are at the monastery. Somehow typical Dalmatian look or actually Mediterranean. Bell tower, local graveyard and the monastery with its yard and garden just at the end of the street. Soon arrived friar Izak and the other dudes. Passed through the gates in the middle of the wall and entered the yard. It was guarded by two cats.

The Franciscan monastery and the church of St Michael were built back in the mid-15th century by the Franciscan order of the Glagolitic monks. Glagolitic is one of the old Slavic scripts, somewhat similar to Cyrillic, that was preserved in Croatia mostly on the islands and some northern areas within the religious context and local or folk language. The monastery today is of course an expanded version of the original one.

The monastery and the church as seen from the bell tower

When seeing all these stuff inside the yard and this whole idea of being in the monastery I quickly returned in my head to Robin Hood games where you had to sneak and climb around monastery’s walls and hallways. It would have been awesome if I had visited it with my friends back in the childhood though even now it could serve as a cool film location. But the best impression of the monastery and its surroundings is surely early in the morning when it’s fresh and enjoyable to be outside, the shadows are soft, relatively quiet, you can hear the animals and prepare for the day with pleasure. I tried doing some exercise in the morning but failed.

The look from the entrance into the yard. My window is on the second floor in the middle.

When you say „a monastery“ you might think of the medieval buildings where they still use the candles but man, I got 5-stars room with my own bathroom. So there were now three of us residing in the building and each of us had our own room upstairs. Once you enter the monastery you are in the hallway where to your right is a small library. Straightforward you got one SOS restroom and then the stairs to our rooms. The hallway there was filled with some large paintings of religious content and Glagolitic engravings. Back downstairs, to the left, one enters the „living room“ where they can watch TV and turn on the oven when necessary. Few steps behind and you enter a modest kitchen with plenty of food. Oh yes, they said I just pick up whatever I want and they had lots of stuff. Even better, behind the kitchen in the basement they had a pantry. It felt like Goku being on King Kai’s small planet with whatever you want.

Some hallway paintings of…well… someone

The look from the windows on the other side towards the north. What you probably see are the islands of Krkata (the closest one), then Iž and maybe far away Ugljan or Sestrunj..or something else, who knows, so many islands…

One part of my room…the rest is in the mess but there’s a table behind me, the window and to the left is the small hallway with the wardrobe and separated bathroom

The view from my room taken in the evening

Soon enough I was welcomed with the lunch. They have a lady who cooks and cleans for them every day and this was also covered so that I don’t have to spend money aside. As you can see this all was really way more than I expected.

Friar Izak taking care of the stuff in the kitchen

This was probably the only lunch I had with them as I spent every next day somewhere else waddling around. We made some rules about breakfast around 7am and had dinner together in the evening. Even though they usually go to sleep by 10pm we used to talk about different topics until midnight.

The first photo is of the monastery’s yard. The second one from the Church’s interior

And what about friar Izak? He definitely is a guy with lots of energy and ideas. Born in Zaglav in 1936 but spent most of the time away from the island he is a a big church musician, conductor and a researcher of the Glagolitic heritage. He is also one of the founders of the mixed choir “Bašćina” (Heritage) and several years ago revived the real Renaissance Zaglav liturgical singing. He is fun to talk to and throws the jokes all the time. More about the conversations and his stories in the upcoming posts.

Zaglav: An afternoon in the bay of Triluke (Three ports). Meet the first locals.

After lunch I decided to go down to the village on the coast. Grabbing my camera and other stuff I took the path that goes to the bay. I had it in plan to meet with Zvonko – the young gas station owner whom I reached few days earlier. He knew I’d come and so he helped me to find the potential candidates for the interview. But what about Zaglav?

The road down to the bay of Triluke

It’s a village in the southern part of Dugi otok between Sali and Žman. The records say it was inhabited in 15th century and many of the locals are the descendants of people who flew before the Ottomans. The population of Zaglav is around 174 people though there used to be 300-500 people just few decades ago. I’d say today it’s even less than 170 but we will find out more in 2-3 years. People there mostly live from tourism, sailing and fishing with some small agriculture part. Some work in Sali or move to Zadar or other places on the mainland. Zaglav has a relatively good boat connection with other places and the mainland. Here used to be a ferry port before they moved it to Brbinj. I didn’t go around the whole village on the bay but down there you can find a few restaurants and the gas station also serves as a small store. **This gas station for the cars and the boats is the only one on the island. **

So while walking through this street downstairs I met Zvonko and his dog at the gas station and soon was introduced to the other local dudes who gathered nearby and enjoyed some drink. There I met my future companion and help for the upcoming days - Mirel. After receiving a welcoming drink and introducing myself Zvonko took me to our first star - his father who was repairing the fishermen’s net. Here comes the summary of the interview I had.

Mr Špralja the Sailor

As I approached hime while repairing the net he started explaining me the type of the net he uses and what kind of fish it can catch. He learned the skill from his father and grandfather. Being in pension for many years and not being able to move a lot his main hobbies are repairing and maintaining the nets plus doing some work with agriculture. Right now he had problems with the holes made by the dolphins but as he said - it’s gonna take him around a week to finishing repairing this net around 100 meters long.

His family came from Bakar to Zaglav and** Kornat island** which is the story many other locals shared.

He had spent over 30 years sailing around the world going twice around the equator and visiting all the continents and ports except for Australia and New Zealand. He told me the only experience he remembers most that scared him was during their trip aboard the Jordan Nikolov ship on the Atlantic ocean during the stormy weather where he had to go down inside the ship and make sure to have the gas ventilation closed. As he added “There are no good things on the sea, only the bad ones.”. Also, he believes the young sailors nowadays have it much easier as they don’t have to spend a whole year on the boat and vehicles (technology) is much faster and precise.

Speaking of the food and how it used to be back then he started with the meals they got on the ship. As there used to be 30-50 crew members they had two cooks and one assistant adding that the food was “solid”. On the island, back in his youth days, the main food was fish. The meat as we eat it today was not available and couldn’t be bought easily. You would use what you had of your livestock which included lamb, goats and mutton. In winter they used to fish for the smaller fish, 30-50 of them weighing around a kilogram. In spring there was more of the bluefish such as mackerel or chub. Cuttlefish or an octopus were also options. Dried octopus, he added. They didn’t have much of the potato and people mostly ate collard greens. Berries and beans were also popular. The problem was that the fields on the island were not as rich and potent for the agricultures as it is on the mainland and there has never been much of the freshwater. Those families who had some livestock such as goats or sheep would make milk and cheese. For breakfast you had milk and cheese, fish or some other meat for lunch and for dinner different types of greens.

Repairing the net where two bigger holes were made by the dolphins

What about games and how they used to play as children? The hide and seek obviously never gets out of fashion, no matter the generation. Among other games football was popular, played in the “Old village” upon the hill. However, there weren’t balls like today so they used the the ones made from rags. During the carnival and masquerade there is a custom of setting a fire etc.

And schools? He told me there was around 10 of them in the generation that went to school in Zaglav and Sali that had up to 7-8 grades. Those who wanted to learn a foreign language would have to go to Sali. There he learned a bit of German and his knowledge of English came through navigation around the world. In the end, he forgot almost everything since he returned to the island.

Finally, he believe young people will have an easier life as there are much more opportunities than in his days. Tourism is the number one industry. The problem with the agriculture he sees is that it’s not enough today to earn for a living and many fields were divided into plenty of smaller parcels and those who own them stopped carrying for the land. He concluded again that only with the tourism he can see the youth prosper.

Afterwards we visited three more people whom I asked similar questions. However, I will share the story of the last ones – an old couple living alone in their home. The story of Marjan and Vera Špralja is one of the sad ones you are going to hear.

Life story of Marjan and Vera Špralja

I met them upstairs on their terrace enjoying the snacks and soft sunlight. Though at first a bit reserved and silent soon they warmed and opened up. Quiet simple and modest people who had experienced a lot. Both over 80 years old.

We started with the family background. They came to Zaglav from Kornat island though their ancestors came to these areas from the mainland around Bakar town. Marjan was the eight out of ten siblings and probably the only one who stayed on the island whereas the other went to different places and countries looking for the better opportunities. One of his brothers is living in Australia. They stayed here on the island as the simple shepherds and fishermen. They spent 20-30 years living in the Old Zaglav upon the hill before moving to the bay. They also spent most of their lives on Kornat island. Further on, they explained me the name of the bay – Triluke (Three ports) and the division between the village „up there“ and „down here“. Up in the Old Zaglav (S_taro selo_) there are mostly seniors living, not many of them…while the bay is filled with younger members of the community, families with children.

Speaking of the past they reminded me that once there lived around 400 people in Zaglav while today there might be not more than 50-60, he guessed. The school that used to be open is now closed. This also comes from the fact that families in the past were much bigger with 5-8 siblings. The same case was with my grandmother.

I wondered how the two of them had met. They happen to meet each other back in the elementary school. They said they finished only 3-4 grades and have the essentials skills for living – writing, reading, driving the car and the boat…and some knowledge about the agriculture. There were no teachers, they said. The one teacher used to come twice per week to teach the locals.

We moved to the stories of being on the sea. Marjan is an experienced fisherman and we would have needed an extra day to listen to all of it. The biggest enemy he’s always encountered was the stormy weather at the sea and the wind. One time, during such occasion, he was forced to jump from the boat into the sea in order to push it to the shore otherwise the boat would have been lost.

However, the biggest tragedy they have encountered is with their children. Their son died at the age of 19 losing battle to illness and their daughter (50) is fighting the similar battle laying immobile in the hospital. “Misery and sorrow, that’s our story.” Vera told me.

She moved on saying “We had the sheep on Kornat island, we were fishing, we had a vineyard…and I had been working at Mardešić Fish Factory in Sali for 26 years. And ill children. Nowadays people complain they have no time for anything. They have one child and still busy all the time.” - “Yeah, they waste their whole day trying to put on the make-up”, added Marjan. “We also got up earlier than people today.”

The house they live in was built by Marjan himself. They sold one house to a cousin who took care of them since they won’t have any heirs - otherwise they would keep it for their children. Vera is today suffering from several pains and the similar goes with Marjan. Apart from the cousin who visits them sometimes they have no one else on the island who can help them. The hard life and problems took toll on their health.

We came back to childhood they also described as a misery and famine. Marjan explained there was no such luxury as today to have smoked ham and cheese on your table along with other food we throw away recklessly…but dried figs mostly. Vera carried on pointing me the oranges, olives and lemons they have in their garden. They are happy as they get the fruits from those trees three times in a year.

We ended up our conversation with them asking me about my background and how come I ended up on Dugi otok. They thanked me for visiting them and I was thankful them having shared their time with me.

We are done with the interviews in Zaglav. I came back to the gas station where I met Mirel leaving in his car. He gave me a book about Dugi otok and NP Kornati. As I found out Zvonko had told him to watch over me and help me getting around. Sounds like Sam and Frodo thing. We made a deal to visit Sali in the evening and go for some pizza.

I returned back to the monastery and spent some time talking to the monk-dudes.

Dinner with cheese, bread and wine with my fellas from da monastery

More about the upoming evening in Sali and visiting the cliffs of Telašćica near Fort Grpašćak in the next post!

Grgo

a short week

I know this is the first thing that i post after last Wednesday and i know that i said that i will keep posting stuff and work but although i didn't it doesn't mean that i didn't attempt to i guess it still counts as sth lets say half point. Basically i started writing the next day but i got interrupted so i saved all i had written in a draft so that next time i start writing i can keep it from where i was. Untill now all my posts were directly written in tumblr so excuse me if sth is not correct but im not doing this anymore probably. So after i got back to work and finnished my post i posted it and idk why but the only thing that appeared on my wall was the first draft that i saved and the rest was gone. Like two days after i wrote it all over again and even more it was like 1500 words and after i posted it it didn't appear on my wall and again all my work was lost idk why and what happened but i was feeling really bad... Basically today i will write all i had written on thise posts cause i remember most of it cause i already wrote it twice. So basically is is also the event of the last week. It was a change of my lifestyle so that i will study more and be more efficient at my studying. I said to myself that i will spend most of my time in the library and gonna go home only when i eat or sleep even i could take a lunch with me so at least i get used to trying to study. Basically i think it was a pretty positive change but honestly im not doing enough work for all the time i spend in the lib so im not efficient enough. I need to be more focused and i need to remove all the distractions. I also need to know what i am doing cause often i just open 5 different works and try to work on all of them  and at the end im not doing anything so at least i know what i need to do and thats what think is so helpful about it. So basically last week on wednesday i wrote my latest post actually i think they were two so I just had that decision to lock myself in the librarry i called it the first day in the bunker and thats how i named my post that i never released. After the lecture i went out to kebab rush so that i take my lunch cause its really easy to get hungry while studying so i had a good lunch with my wriends. After that there was a guest lecture. A very famous and good graphic designes was here to explain some stuff to us. I forgot his name i wrote it down but lost it with my first post. So he was showing us his work and saying why it was good he shiwed us some of his ancient designs from the era before internet. They weren't anything special to me but i bare in mind that there was no internet and media back than so im capable to appreciate it. There were some interesting ideas if maps made for pedestrians on streets and airport things and stuff like that. I think that was insightful but only to kniw it in any case its always good to know where the things came from but honestly i dont think it was worthed. I did learned some stuff but it was really hard for me to focuse. Honestly the lecture was so boring. I sware i was the only one trying to pay attention. Everyone around me were sleeping or scrolling through the facebook news feed. The designer once gave example how somebody said to him to be quiet and said loudly "Shhhhh" And my friends got suddenly scared of that thinkin he says that to them cause they've been talking among them. Although they've been quiet the designes was also quiet and we all were sleepy and was so easy to fall asleep. My tutors didn't like the fact that there werent many people cause it wasn't mandatory and people just don't wanna go to this lectures cause they are straight boring. My tutors didn't stay till the end and probably they had some classes but idk i still think that they were just borred and i think that they just pretend to be interested just to give us the right example cause if they are not should we actually be. See people start to lose interest in these lectures cause they are all boring. Than after that frankly i just wanted to go home but i tryed to make the right decision and go to the library so that i can study. I didn't have my catalogue started. At least the work on computer. But i was having the idea so i didn't have to take time for plans. I started with the basics and that made the illustration... Damn that simple illustration took me soo long at least a few hours after that i was placing the different elements like date and place some text about the exhibition and such things. I couldnt finnish it. It was really hard fir me to concentrate and create interesting ideas the graphic design skills were missing i made everything quite basic. At least the folding was more more interesting so is not the wirst thing ever but i was having a bit more to finish it. I stayed in the lib from like 2 to 9 and than i came come made some food for dinner and for the next day cause i cant afford kebab rush every day i wanna study at the library after uni and also i can't wake up early enough so that i can have breakfast. The next day we were having crits and i woke up on time i wasn't really sleepy but it was raining a lot so i waited to stop and i was late with less than an hour but i got on tine for the crit session. I got some feedback on the catalogue i did the previous day. I also got to talk to Zornitsa. She was guest lately and halping us and giving us some feedback. I was lucky that she was bulgarian as well so we were talking to  each other to more understandable language for me so i got mire insightfull feedback. For now i had changed the type cause of her advice and some other stuff. That was the work that we should have been doing while the others have been doing the gifs for the web site. Damn this site... Before i know that we gotta do coding it  from scratch i thought that im actually having some chances to pass but niw man... I feel so fucked. Basically i hate coding. Everyone hates coding. And if i wanted to study coding i would sign up for programming cause its better paid that design. We are suppesed to learn to code for half a month and all the lessons we are having are once a week and we should also make the camplicate design of a site and code it that way so is not a simple cading and i had never done this. It sucks for me cause even for the lessons that we are having in uni im so far behind  cause in the begining of the course i went to bulgaria for my concert and i was having a bit of a trouble there and missed the first few lessons and than when i was back i just couldn't catch up with the group. Everyone have been doing some crazy stuff and i didn't understand anything. Im also having a dislection and its not only hard for me to read huge amounts of text. Like books and stuff. Here theres no logic context and sentences. Heres signs like dots slashes and colins and stuff. All that so confusing to me end don't get me started on when i make a mistake and i have to find it where is... Is cool that when a code isn't working its says where is the mistake but it takes a lot of copying ant stuff like that. You know thats why i never corect my posts its so hard to find and correct all my mistakes cause i just can't see them. I know it sounds stupid but i guess theres sth wrong with me. Is not that bad im handling in normally but im concerned that i might not be able to pass the module cause if that soecific breaf. The problem is that i should be doing it on my own and all the things i borrow fro another weds i have to mention them so i was planning to save the skeleton of some simple site and than change it like the pics banners and words similar to mine i can at least try but even that is not allowed so im really worried and i aint got no idea what should i be doing maybe i can try doing it my way and than say that it was actually me the one who wrote it its at least possible to pass it like that and if not i cant imagine honestly starting from scrach it will take  ages fir me to finnish it... I will focus now on the other stuff and leave it for latter cause at least i wanna get sth ready. So after the feedback from Zornitsa i was trying to be helpful to my group for the group project for the web site.  I was just standing there for atendance and litterally loosing my time i couldn't understand shit that was happening and i was getting tired of doing nothing and honestly i soent way too much time there i don't think that my team actually needs me but ill be there to help if enything else. Eventually we've been working untill 4 or 5 o'clock and actually i was verry tired so altho this was the second day of the "locked in the bunker" Series i was feeling that we actually had done some work like for the day i was having enough feedback and we had done some parts of the group project on top of that i was quite sleepy and it was a real challenge fir me not to leave. So i came home and on the way back i spread some CVs so i can say that although i didn't go to the library today i had done enough work and was a quite productive day. Honestly i forgot what i was doing the rest of the day but i think that i went to bed a bit more late. Next morning i got up late again, had breakfast and than i played a game that we recently bought and im starting to get quite adicted so i played for a bit. I wanted to go letter to the library to go study so  in order to avoid playing for hours that game and waste my day i put an alarm so that i know when is time to go. I went than to the librarry and i started writing in my blog basically rewriting this post. I was writing it for like an hour and half and than im almost sure that i posted it but.. Yeah i did post it but than i checked my profile to see how it looks like, and i didn't see it at first so i waited a bit. I refreshed the app a bit times rested my internet and i was feeling so bad... At least i know now to write it always on my NOTES app cause there everything i write is saved automatically. So basically i was trying to code my site cause there was no way fir me to start doing all this stuff all over again so i decided to change the topic cause for almost two hours of writing i was soo fed up and i mean... The way im writing is i just pick up my phone i concentrate and  i start instantly writing everything that comes to my mind and is almost with no pauses, maybe only when i need to translate some words but apart from that i am constantly writing and i think that this is one of the little things that i can keep my atention to... maybe its because my phone is much smaller and i can controll where it is and keep my focus where it should be and for the computers in the library they are too big and it takes more of my peripheral sight and amont with it i see other distracting things and.. Idk its just much more easy for my phone to keep my atention instead of the PCs. The only thing thats holding me back from writing in my post is i guess the will to actually start writing its like i know that right now i might be free but i fill probably decude to do sth stupid in the next 10 min and i don't actually wanna spend an hour writing. Good ting would be to write befire i go to bed and orobably i could make this as a habit but right now its rather sth that i wanna do but i never do. So i spent the rest of the day trying to make the code for my site and i saw how hard it actually is to check all the codes and make them work property and i got kinda depressed about it cause honesty idk how im gonna pass it.. Basically untill now  i was focusing more on my other stuff like the catalogue and the poster cause this is a thing that i still have to do and is the most denanding thing cause i need to be in track with the lectures so that im having propper feedback. And this is sth that i learned from the last semester that if i dont have corect feedback than i will have many incorect things and at least when im handing out my breafs i would have talked to my tutors and i would know what they are looking for  to be done and i will have it done till then so if theres anything that i didn't do well i will know it cause they already told me. So thats for friday. Honestly i forgot what i was doing on saturday and sunday i know that one of the days i almost finnished my catalogue at least i made it look better i had my poster almost done basically i dont know what actually i should be doing on it anymore i took Zornitsas advice so i changed the type that i was using and than i repaired the little details. And about the catalogue i ictually folded it and i saw that i was having some technical issues so now i have to repair tham but it wont take too much time. On monday i was working no the modules from my last year and unfortunately on tuesday i couldn't attend on my lectures cause i was having a job interview finally.. It was about a work in a hotel on the road between Coventry and Birmingham. I was instructed to take the bust to go to one of the stops and than i should have been waiting for the hotel minibus that would take me to the hotel. So what happened. I went there an hour earlier so that im sure that everything is all right. Than when the time came i started to look for that car and i didnt see it. I called the hotel number but nobody picked up the phone. I kept looking for it than i saw it going  the oposite direction without to stop. I was calling them again for like 20 min  than a woman picked up the phone. I explained the situation and wanted from her to connect me with the man who sent me the invitation. In another 20 he called me. And told me that in an hour i will have to wait for another car. The point was that i was cold and my hands were blue yet from cold. But i needed that job so i waited for it. This time i instantly saw it and got there. It drove me to the hotel there i saw the man i was having conversation with before. He interviewed me, i think i did well but unfortunately i didn't have enough expirience and depending on the other peoples expirience he will write me in a week if i get the job. The think that worries me i that i lied in my cv that i used to work in a bar for a few months but honestly if i didnt write it i wouldn't be called anyway. He asked me some interesting questions and i got to answer all of them and than i got to talk to him so i tryed to convince him that im actually really good about that job. It was well done. Im really hoping to come up well for me. So than i went home but when i got to the bus station i got the bus the other way to Birmingham. I know... I just can't change. Ive always been like that and i swear im still trying... I got home at 6 it was a long travel. I didn't have time and energy to study so i had a dinner maybe played some game and went to bed and thats basically my last week. I think that it was quite busy and its much more productive than before. I hope that in the future ill get used to being more efficient and productive at what im doing.

Therepy for Me, Myself, and I.

Yeah, I’m pretty sure this is public but hey, I don’t mind if others read what I write because who knows, perhaps it can help others who sturggling with the same thing as I am. So, to put some context, I am seeing a therapist for depression so she has tasked me writing a journal so here it isI guess...I post withich is basically me word vomiting on the page and not even paying attention to grammar and all tha fun stuff. This is me just typling my word of though and putting myself out there. I guess she started out by saying I should be tahnkful for 5 things each day so here goes 1. Peaches- I adore peaches...Peach yogurt to be more precise ut peaches in general are great. They’re just os sweet and suclant. Great word...succilant. Is that how you spell it. I guess I won’t know until my computer catches up to my typing hahaha. 2. Music- Currently listening to my psoity playis right now. I really need to update it cause some of this stuff is a tille too EDMmy for me. I think my favorite song is still Loos Myself by One Republic. But I also really reallate to Paradise by Coldplay. Chris Martin definntely thought of me when he wrote that song.  3. Family- My sister, older sister, bless her heart, called me a few hours ago just to check on me. My hwole family is worried about  me. Sorry fam...I don’t mean to make them worry. This is my mid-life crissi and I’m just trying to figure it all out. But there’s a lot. That’s why I’m in therepy.  4. UbereaTs- I’ma lazy butt so I ordered food with what little money I had but hey, I eat like a bird...which is that bad thing? Do birds eat a lot or not so much? I never really understood that Idiom...Idioms...they remind me of sweet sweet Jaal. Yes, I did finish Andromeda because I wasn’t boing to be allowed to play video games for the next 5 days but that hasn’t stopped me from over posting on pinterset. Ahhh...Jaal. He makes me happy. So does Reyes and Vetra...the others were meh. Oh, I can’t forget Drack too. I’m a god mother thanks to him (spoiler by) whoops...Where was I? Am I going to reathis over. I don’t knkow.Perhaps. I glanced at the screen so I was talking about food. I love food...so thankful for food. Japenese food especiall. Ahhh...Japan....anime...I could go on. Clearly I’m a pssionate person.

Gosh...Avicci just came on...I’m sad. It’s so sad what happened. He was an amazing artist. I hope you’re at peace Avicii...you deserved it. I guess I’m going to have to go without you.

5. I don’t want to put something ordinary to be thankful like a oscar award speech or anything. I’m tm just looking around trying to think of what i’m thankful for. I’m thankful for napkins cause damn i’m a messy eater. i have so many from McDs. So yummy...they got rid of the signature meals though and that made me disappointed. I waited more than half an hour for my order but I didsn’t say anything because the workers have other customers to worry about han me. Like ther was a man who was rather impatient and gave them shit for not getting his food out. I just didn’t say anything. I’ll be patient. They’ll know my order was missing and i’ll get my food. It’s no rush...really. I wonder if that’s why I’m in this delima. I just wait things out untill things get out of hand. 

This feels good. Writing. I used to write a lot. I used to do a lot of things. I didn’t just sit infrom of my tv all day and play video games. I love video games but maybe i love them a little toomuch. Acutally no, I DO  love them too much. 

The past few nights I actually dreamnt of plays in PUBG and I couldn’t dream of anything else. Ugh...the graphics sucked hahaha. I want to be able to dream about other things. I need to break this cyele. Tha’s wy I’m writing. I want to customuze my proile too cause this is hopefullying to to be a daily thing. But with every commitment that comes into my life, I may drop it cause I don’t do commitments...in all differeent parts of my life. Probably cause I’m not used to sticking around in places for to long but tumblr isn’t isn’t a place...maybe it’s a state of mind. I’ve seen some whack posts from this sight it’s gotta say something about all the people . Quirkly...not nessarily in a bad way but it could be. But anyway...yeah...what else.I gues it’s a plus that i’mnot thinking of games at the moment. I’m just content basking in the glory of finishing mass effect. I might make a seperate post about that cause this is for therepy. Don’t mind me.

60 Random Questions for January 13th, 14th & 15th!

 Context: I missed two days in a row because I am a forgetful human being so now, as a result, I am going to answer 60 RANDOM QUESTIONS!!1

LET’S FUCKING DO THIS!!!

1. Name the first song that comes to mind that starts with the letter H.

Answer: Happily by One Direction

2. Name the first song that comes to mind that is instrumental and starts with a vowel.

Answer: Ascendance by Lindsey Stirling

3. Name a song that you that starts with the letter Q.

Answer: Quitter by Carrie Underwood.

4. Top 3 favorite Carrie Underwood songs?

   1. Cowboy Casanova - Play On

   2. Two Black Cadillacs - Blown Away

   3. Relapse - Storyteller

5. Top 3 favorite Christina Aguilera songs?

   1. Fighter - Stripped

   2. Let There Be Love - Lotus

   3. Stronger Than Ever - Bionic

6. Top 3 favorite Britney Spears songs?

    1. If U Seek Amy

   2. Radar

   3. Womanizer

7. Top 3 favorite Instrumental Artists?

    1. F-777  https://jessevalentinemusic.bandcamp.com/

   2. DVJI  https://www.youtube.com/user/DJVITechno

   3. TheFatRat   3. TheFatRat https://www.youtube.com/user/ThisIsTheFatRat

8. Top 3 favorite songs from your childhood?

   1. Lay All Your Love On Me - ABBA

   2. Ain’t No Other Man - Christina Aguilera

   3. Fly - Hilary Duff

9. Top 3 favorite One Direction songs?

     1. They Don’t Know About Us - Take Me Home

   2. Little White Lies - Midnight Memories

   3.  Up All Night - Up All Night

10.  Top 3 favorite Falling In Reverse songs?

     1. The Drug In Me Is You - The Drug In Me Is You

   2. I’m Not a Vampire - 

   3. Raised By Wolves - 

11. Top 3 favorite All Time Low songs?

   1. Old Scars/Future Hearts - 

   2. A Love Like War - Don’t Panic

   3. Get Down On Your Knees And Tell Me You Love Me - Dirty Work

12. First song that comes to mind that starts with the letter A?

Answer: Absolutely Final Goodbye - Christina Grimmie

13. First song that comes to mind that starts with the letter E?

Answer: Everything You Are - Ed Sheeran

14. First song that comes to mind that starts with the letter I ?

Answer: I don’t Care - Fall Out Boy

15. First song that comes to mind that starts with the letter O?

Answer: Obsessed - Gwen Stefani

16. First song that comes to mind that starts with the letter W?

Answer: Walk Away - Christina Aguilera

19. First song that comes to mind that starts with the letter Y?

Answer: You Lost Me - Christina Aguilera

20. Name the song that makes you cry every time?

Answer: Hurt - Christina Aguilera

21. When’s the last time you were very excited?

Answer: last night at around 11:40 pm when i heard that the other friend was going to join the skype call

22. When the last time that you felt scared?

Answer: This evening when I witnessed my niece’s father verbally abuse her when she wanted to show her makeup.

23. When’s the last time that you felt embarrassed?

Answer: I-I don’t know actually. That’s a first.

24. When’ s the last time you were really happy?

Answer: When I called @sweetapple01​ for the first time on Skype.

25. When the last time you were nervous as balls?

Answer: When @floofiemark​ called me on Skype for the first time.  I shouldn’t have been though. She’s like a different version of me that lives too far away from me.

26.What did you want to be when you were a kid?

Answer: A teacher. It’s always been something I wanted to be.

27. How tall were you when you were ten?

Answer: 4′0″ tall. I was very small for that age.

28. Are you an extrovert or introvert?

Answer: A literal mix of both. I can be both at anytime. Even though, I gotta be honest, I lean more on the introvert side.

29.  Favorite social media?

Answer: Tuuuuuumblrrrr!

30. When is your birthday?

Answer: It was yesterday! I turned 19!

31. How does one know how to adult?

Answer: I don’t know. I literally do not know.

32. What makes you weird?

Answer: Talk to me on skype for more than an hour and you’ll see what makes me fucking weird.

33. Name an annoying thing about yourself.

Answer: I talk waaaaaaaaay too much.

34. Name an amazing thing about yourself.

Answer: My singing! It’s awesome y’all!

35.  Who is your Celebrity crush?

Answer: Fucking Leigh Daniel Avidan cause jeeeeeesus christ that man is fucking everything.

36. What are your favorite make up brands?

Answer: NYX & Too Faced cause they’re awesome as shit.

37. Talk about your first kiss.

It's not my first kiss, but it's my first kiss with a guy I truly loved. It was on thursday, june 26th 2014 and it was with him. It was the first time that me and him were alone in his house. When his mother told me that he was waiting in the basement, I went down there. And I just ran to him, who was just coming out of the bathroom and I hugged him. Once I pulled away, he lift my head up so he could look at me right in the eyes. He kissed me. It was sweet, passionate. It was perfect.

38. Talk about something that happened in middle school.

Answer: Where I grew up, there was no middle school. In the province of Quebec, high school starts at grade 7 and finishes at grade 11.

39. Talk about things you do when you're sick.

Answer: Basically, I lay in bed, I eat a fuck ton of soup and I watch youtube videos till I fall asleep.

40. Choose a song at random, what ship does it remind you of? 

Answer: Bubblegum Bitch by Marina & the Diamonds reminds me of Rubberbang for some fucking reason...

41.  What are your favorite male/female ships?

Answer: Arin Hanson/ Suzy Berhow . Best married couple: hands down.

42. What’s your favorite quote of 2016?

Answer: “I can be happy cause I be not dead”-Crankgameplays

43. Name 5 youtube series that made you helplessly happy.

   1. Mega Man X - Game Grumps (just the Arins)

   2. Uncharted 4 - Jacksepticeye

   3. The Walking Dead: New Frontier - Pewdiepie

   4. Astronner - Jacksepticeye & Pixlpit

   5. Raft - Crangameplays

44. Name 5 Game Grumps videos that won’t fail at making you laugh:

   1. Super Mario Galaxy PART 77: Thinky Pinky https://youtu.be/wtaCjauhDQU

   2. Kirby and The Rainbow Curse PART 19: Dropping Deuces https://youtu.be/bhnIFWeg3Pc

   3. Zelda Ocarina of Time PART 72: Movin' to the Stratosphere https://youtu.be/8WhwU_Zbt6M

   4. Bloodborne PART 9: Delicious Human! https://youtu.be/7kA6_vbbrUI

   5. Super Mario Maker PART 50: On Fire! https://youtu.be/qcO2G6ALo_c

45. How old were you when you learned to ride a bike?

Answer: Age 7, I think. Before i moved to France, anyway.

46. What was the name of your first pet?

Answer: Ti-Loup, which means “ Small Wolf”

47. Have you ever consumed drugs?

Answer: I was a speed addict from ages 12 - 16. It’s been 3 years that I’ve stopped.

48. What color do you associate yourself with?

Answer: Red but it expressed anger and passion which are the twom ain feelings that consume me.

49. Do you still sleep with stuffed animals?

Answer: I stopped sleeping with them when my mother died, which going to be 5 years ago in May 2017.

50. Sweet or bitter?

Answer: For taste, I’ll say sweet.

51. Sweet or Salty?

Answer: SALTY ALL THE WAY DUDE! 

52. Who was your first celebrity crush?

Answer: Justin Bieber, sadly.

53. Do you prefer tea over coffee?

Answer: Yes, yes I do.

54. Did you ever have an imaginary friend?

Answer: Oh my...I don’t think that i ever did have imaginary friends. I had imaginary bullies though. Those fuckers are still here to this day and they are the voices in my head.

55. Are you more of a tomboy or girly girl when it comes to your outfits?

Answer: It really depends of the days honestly. I can be a horrible mixture of both.

56. What is the most recent wet dream you've had?

Answer: It’s about myself and a muse created by this friend of mine and it’s really kinky and the muse itself has been haunting my fucking dreams since last monday...

57. Are you exhausted?

Answer: The making of this post has brought my sore eyes to exhaustion.

58. At what ages did you learn to swim?

Answer: Around the same time that I learned to ride a bike...so like age 7 as well...

59. Do you bite your nails?

Answer: Yes, I do. Curse my anxiety.

60. How many years have you been into therapy?

Answer: 11 years, my dude. 11 fucking years. And I ain’t close of getting out of it.