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countryhumans-trash · 2 years
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tampatom12 · 9 months
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Joe Burrow and Sam Hubbard
Just bros being bros 😤🧡🖤🐯🐅
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d3ad-on-arriva1 · 6 months
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so glad the annoying early 2023 ohio meme never found ohio is for lovers.
if ‘cut my wrists and black my eyes’ became synonymous with gen alpha 10 year olds id cry
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lucky-fuyu · 2 years
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Nonono listen HEAR ME OUT.
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tinylittlebab · 1 year
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stupittmoran · 5 months
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Top 10 headlines the media didn't tell you this week, Repost & FoIIow for more.
DeSantis vs Newsom debate turns into a sh*tshow as the Florida governor calls out San Francisco's human feces problem.
Elon Musk interview goes viral, causing mass cancelations of Disney Plus and other services.
Texas is suing Pfizer for misrepresenting COVID-19 vaccine efficacy and conspiring to censor the public.
KC Chief's fans plan to attend next game with black and red face paint after the media accused a child fan of racism.
Former official has been indicted on three grand jury charges for altering 2020 election results.
Reports of "White Lung" pneumonia affecting mostly children in China has been found in Massachusetts & Ohio.
BLM Leader endorses Trump for President in 2024, accuses democrats of racist policies.
CTIL files reveal how the government conspired to censor citizens and alter the 2020 election.
Joe Rogan says anyone who tells him to 'trust the experts' can suck his d*ck, Covid taught him that the so-called experts are bought and paid for.
James O'Keefe releases bombshell undercover report exposing China's operation of a biolab in California.
How many more Chinese biolabs are there in the United States?
BONUS: Speaker Johnson ramps up Biden impeachment, stating Biden has lied at least 16 times about his involvement in his family's business schemes.
If you appreciate this Top 10 recap, remember to Repost and FoIIow me for another week in a clown world 🤡🌎
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johnwickb1tsch · 1 month
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A Yandere Tex Johnson x Witness!Reader x John Wick Imagine Part 7 by:
@treedaddymcpuffpuff @sweetwolfcupcake @johnwickb1tsch and @tammykelly
Warnings: So many dead doves! Do not eat! Unless you like dead doves, that is. You're in good company here. 😘 Violence, sexual content, blood, murder, kidnapping, possessive behavior, dubcon, yandere sh!t...it's all here! Please take care! 😘
ALL CHAPTERS
Treedaddymcpuffpuff:
They take you outside. They take you outside.
“Which house is this, John?” You lay your head on his shoulder, and he kisses your hair. 
“Mexico.” The fact that he feels comfortable telling you where you are speaks volumes about trust. 
Either that, or he’s confident you won’t get away. Ever. And he’s absolutely right. He can outrun, outmuscle, outwit you at any point. Not to mention he’s got a clone with the same capabilities. 
Part of it is this; the fact that you can’t run or hide without your boys finding you. The knowledge of being owned and tracked and possessed wholly. 
The other part, the one you lie to yourself about - you have to, really, for the sake of self preservation - is that you’re completely in love with them. Smitten. Consumed. Captivated and bewitched by your captors. You don’t want to run away most days.
Especially not when you’re pressed between them and being pampered and kissed and played with - sweet, awful pleasure the only thing you can focus on. Absolutely drunk on the balance of rough and soft, light and dark.
Tex is good with his mouth - of course he is. That silver tongue can do more than talk you into a writhing, soaked mess. As much as he adores helping John edge you for hours and making you sob in frustration, he likes it a little better when you’re overstimulated, babbling and bargaining, only able to chant his name as he makes you cum endlessly.
John is… different. Slower. More patient. Builds you up and down, watches and listens, observes - tilt of his head, tiny smile, “pretty girl likes that a little too much, huh?” 
He’s sickly romantic, the kind that only exists in Hallmark movies. Always thinking of you, grabbing flowers and little gifts while he’s away. Bringing home trinkets from Paris and Brazil and even bumfuck Ohio. Obsessed with kissing you, holding your hand, calling you beautiful and pulling you closer and ruining your little heart. 
Even when he’s rough, fucking you into the couch cushions at an almost inhumanely pace and mottling your cervix and hips and ass with bruises - even then he is rubbing your back, brushing your hair off your shoulders and littering sweet soaked kisses on your skin, praising and sweet-nothinging and groaning that you’re his, his, his. 
Tex presses himself into the other side of you, skin sparkling and scratchy from salt and sand, and hands you a beautiful iridescent pink seashell. “Get in the water.” 
“You’re not the boss of me,” you tell him, grinning, brushing sand off his cheekbone. 
He chuckles. “Nah, but Johnny is.”
They both pick you up and drag you into the clear ocean ripples while you laugh and scream, take you out past where you can touch so you have to cling to them. 
Sometimes, though, you want to run. Taste freedom and independence again. You want to feel needed instead of always being so needy. You miss volunteering at the animal shelter, working in the little book shop. 
Sure, the boys want you. Sometimes, too much. Sometimes, you have to use that lock on your little cozy nook room to shut them out because you’re so overwhelmed and overworked. But they don’t need you, can’t really gain anything from you; not like the sick, dirty cats or the elderly women who forgot their reading glasses and need help finding a particular selection. 
After you’re done playing in the water like children, laughing and splashing and getting sun drunk, you find yourself wrapped in a beach towel and cat napping on the big couch by the bay window. 
“Wanna wake her up?” Tex asks John, plopping down beside him and offering an open, frosty beer. 
“Let her sleep,” John says, flipping the page of his book and taking the drink. 
Tex grins. “Aw, I don’t think she’d be too disappointed after she realizes I’m sucking on her little clit.” 
John shuts his book, puts it on the stand. 
“What?” Tex groans like he’s about to get lectured. Just like you’ve become used to them, they’ve become used to each other. Sometimes it’s a recipe for disaster. The first day you were alert enough to wake up and eat and drink after the bullet, they got into a fight. And not a verbal one. 
It was actually terrifying. You thought Tex was going to meet the pearly gates when John curb stomped his already beaten face, so you had jumped in front of him to stop the next smash of a foot and earned yourself torn stitches and bloody bandages as a reward for the sudden movement. 
“We need to figure out what we’re doing, Tex.” John looks over at you, watches how the sunlight bastes your shoulders and glows on your pretty skin. 
Tex is looking at the same thing. “I’m not leavin’ er, John. And she sure as hell ain’t leavin’ me.” 
“She needs to make that decision.” 
“My ass. You think she’ll be safe out there? Think just cuz you put a bullet into father and son that sister and mother won’t come knockin next?” Tex takes a long pull on his bottle and leans elbows on knees. “You can go if you want, but y/n is stayin’ with me.”
John gives him a dark look. “You know I won’t let you, Tex.” 
Tex laughs cruelly, leans back and spreads his arms over the back of the couch. “Then you’re gonna have to fuckin’ kill me.” 
“John? Tex?” Your tinny voice cuts through their tension, immediately gaining full attentions. You hold out your hand to them, eyes half lidded, smiling softly. “Come lay with me?” 
They sandwich you between their big heated bodies, curing the goosebumps brought on by the conditioned air. It reminds you too much of the cold steel room where Bradford kept you on ice, so you start to cry. Again. 
It’s become such a common occurrence, now: one or both of them cradling and shushing and rubbing your back as you sob on their chests or laps. You cry more often than not. Sometimes you’re able to hide it, but not right now when you’re sleepy and vulnerable and so close to them. 
Tex kisses the tears off your face. “Hey, honeypie, it’s alright, c’mon, I gotcha.”
“We’re right here, y/n.” John brushes the hair off your shoulders and kisses your salty sunned skin. “We’ll protect you.”
“Nobody’s gonna hurt you again, m’kay?” Tex tilts your chin up and kisses your head. 
You wonder how in the hell they’re still so empathetic to your plight - any other man would be annoyed, telling you to let it go, reminding you that you’ve already cried about it a zillion times before. But not Tex and John. Never your boys. 
They say they’ll protect you, but if they’ve already failed to do so, doesn’t that mean they can drop the ball again? Doesn’t that mean anyone could just come and plummet you into an unbridled world of violence and torture? What if they leave? What if they decide they don’t want you anymore? You’re helpless here - can only rely solely on the two people you’re cuddled between and it’s making you spiral into an internal inferno of chaos and doubt. 
You feel like you’re losing your fucking mind. You feel powerless. 
You fall asleep in their arms, fresh tears drying on your puffy cheeks, holding onto Tex’s waist, legs wrapped around John’s calves. 
They wake you up for dinner, and you’re in a shit mood again, all venom no honey, squirming out of the cuddle pile, glowering and losing your towel in the process. 
Before you can grab it back, Tex snatches it, holds it away, grinning. 
“Give it back,” you tell him, trying to take it but only succeeding in pressing your belly into his beard.
He nips your skin and blows a little raspberry, and you screech, pulling away before a puckish arm can coil around your waste. 
You groan, cover yourself, shivering on the cool wood floor. “Fine. I’m going to take a shower.” 
“Need some help?” Tex asks. 
“I can manage.” 
You can feel his eyes on your ass as you walk away. 
Do you feel bad about being bitchy? A little bit. Although it never really deters Tex. As much as he complains about your attitude problems, he gets ten times more impish when you have them. You just wish you didn’t find him so incredibly damn hot while he’s handling you like he would an angry hamster. 
While you’re showering, whatever John is cooking smells delightful. It wafts around you, mixes with the hot steam of the shower, makes your stomach clench in longing. Hangry, then, maybe. 
Pressing on your ribs wrong while you’re lathering still gets you groaning in pain. It’s taking a long time for this shit to heal, and it makes you wonder how exactly John can just take one and keep going like it’s a normal Tuesday. Your first few days of consciousness were agony. Morphine, IV drips, rolling the wrong way and screaming, John’s hands always two seconds away from wrapping around Tex’s throat. 
“Please stop fighting,” you had asked them, woken not by their bickering but John’s low, guttural growl. 
Four hands immediately on you, soothing, cooing, feathering over your skin like it was made of glass. You sort of felt like the oblivious kid in the divorce. They were so mean with one another, but always so soft with you. It was when you asked them to get along like they had been before that they actually started to try. 
Honestly, though, them actually getting along means your undoing every single time. There are no upper hands to be had against the two when they share one common goal, and usually you’re the one begging in the end. 
Your tiny crumb of power, whether you like it or not, is contained in feminine wiles, and sometimes you use it just to spite them. Especially since they can’t be rough with you because you’re still healing from said nasty bullet. 
You pick out a pair of cheeky lace and silk panties and grab some cotton shorts that make your ass look great to pair with them. To literally top it off, you slip on a shifty tank top that leaves little to the imagination. 
You check yourself in the mirror, turn around a few times, smooth your hands down your tummy and legs, bite your lip to plump it up a little bit. Fuck the shorts. You slide them off and leave yourself in the panties and tank top. 
Now, you’re ready. 
You feel like the vulnerable bunny walking into a cage of chained Dobermans. All eyes on you. You press the issue, bend down in front of them to pick up something John dropped. 
You think maybe this will be the night he actually fucks up and maybe burns a piece of chicken, and, oh, wouldn’t that scratch your ego just right. 
You press into him, lean your weight against his solid mass because you know he can handle it, and put the towel back onto the counter. “John Wick leaving a rag on the floor?” You tsk. “Sloppy tonight, eh?” 
He raises an eyebrow down at you.
You tuck a rogue hair behind his ear, pausing to tickle your finger over the sensitive shell, and then turn your attention onto Tex. 
He’s all hooded eyes and bobbing Adam’s apple while you saunter up to him and fix the collar on his shirt. “Not you too,” you sigh, grinning his devil’s grin right back at him. 
“Playing a dangerous game, rattlesnake,” he tells you, tugging softly on the bottom of your top. 
You try to remain composed, take the seat beside him. “Sure, Tex.” A little eye roll. 
“Someone wants to sit funny for a few days, huh?” He grabs the bottom of your chair and tugs you closer. 
“Are you forgetting who took a literal bullet for your ass?” You ask him, pursing your lips and batting your eyelashes. 
John chuckles. 
“You’re about to take more than that for me—”
John surprises you both. It’s hard to get used to his constant stealth mode. He sets hot plates down in front of you, then takes his own place at the table. “Y/n, we need to talk.” 
“Great, I love hearing that.” 
He shoots you a stern look that reminds you he’s not Tex, and you back down, spiky fur softening.
“Things have settled down. No one is out for your blood anymore. You’re safe to settle down somewhere new with the bounty and start again.” 
Tex’s head twists so hard you hear his neck crack. “You sonofabitch, what did I say, huh?” 
John levels a glare back. “She needs to make her own decision.” 
Tex slams an open palm on the table, makes you jump and yelp. “I’m gonna—”
“Stop!” They both turn attention to you. Tears well on your bottom lashes, shoulders shaking in anger. “Really? All this time spent and you’re just gonna let me go? And act so—” you resist the urge to scream, but end up with a softer version of it -“fucking aloof about it?!” You whip around to face Tex. “And you, you fucking big bully, you just make all my decisions for me, huh?! Treat me like I’m incapable of thinking for myself.” Your yell drops to a quiet quiver, salty liquid spilling down your cheeks. “Both of you never even stopped once to ask me what I wanted. You’re both too concerned with using me. Like I’m some fuck toy who doesn’t have any say in…. In anything. And now you wanna end it?” You look back at John. “Just like that?” You shove your plate away. “I’m not your fucking chew toy.”
You stand up and walk out the door, slamming it for good measure, stomping and sobbing, following the sound of dark ocean waves. It’s pitch black out here, the only light provided by a shy, foggy moon. Still, you walk. You walk until your feet get sore and tired and you have to sit down on the sand and ruin your cute underwear. 
They don’t come after you, which you think would satisfy you, but, instead, it makes you even angrier. They don’t give a shit, and that’s apparent now. They don’t care and they never did. You selfishly hope there are more Bratva members out here with your name in their pocket just so you can prove a point. 
You sink into warm sand and sob on the dark beach, cresting waves drowning out your pathetic cries.  
Johnwickb1tsch:
It is late, by the time you return to the villa. You are listless and tired from crying. You see a single lamp on inside the house, but you don’t want to see them yet. A part of you yearns for them, even after your fight, like a missing limb, but the other half of you can’t stand the thought of facing them. They’ve been so sweet after your ordeal, and yet you know they’ll probably have cooked something diabolical up for you, for daring to show your true feelings about it all.
  You are covered in sand. It really does get into everything. At the poolside you strip down, using the outdoor shower to rinse off. The pool is infinity style, affording a view of the beach beyond. Subtle lighting around the courtyard throws the various tropical plants in dramatic shadow. Kroton, monstera, palm trees, organ cacti and prickly pear, and a pink bougainvillea bush that is almost as big as the house. You love the garden here. You love this house, if you’re being honest.  
You dive into the pool. It’s not very often you get to have it to yourself. Usually one or the other of the boys is shadowing you. Pulling at your swimsuit, stealing kisses and sending you to pieces in one way or another. You resent it, the effect they have on you, even as you’re not sure you can give it up.
Floating on your back, naked as a jaybird and looking up at the stars, you wonder what your life would even look like now, without them. Could you ever be content in the real world again, knowing who and what you left behind? Women would sell their souls to have just one of your assassins in their bed—and here you are, complaining that you have two.
If that’s not human nature in all its absurdity, you don’t know what is.
“Fuck,” you sigh. You want to scream it at the sky, but you don’t want to wake them, if they in fact are sleeping, and not sitting up in the shadows waiting to ambush you.
What do you want, actually? What would really make you happy?
It’s a question you’ve never been terribly good at answering for yourself, and that was before the shit got weird. You love animals. You’d enjoyed volunteering at the shelter. You imagine turning this beautiful compound into a fucking zoo of creatures who were discarded by people, if the boys gave you half the chance. That probably wouldn’t fly. And what if you all have to flee again? What would happen to the babies? It wouldn’t be responsible.
Then you think about what they might say, if you proposed conducting an actual relationship. Living in a place where you could come and go as you please, and not be kept in total isolation. Go to the fucking store without a hulking shadow of a bodyguard by your side. Get a cup of coffee, go to the library. They could come and go too. Dinner at seven. How was your day, honey? Well I popped a low-level state representative who wasn’t getting the picture from 600 yards, then I picked up my dry cleaning.
Ye gods. You have to keep reminding yourself that this is not normal.
“For a minute there I though we’d caught ourselves a mermaid.”
The silence could not last, of course.  
You right yourself to tread water in the deep end, looking up at Tex standing at the poolside with his muscular arms crossed. His face is thrown half in shadow, his eyes glittering like obsidian orbs; why does he have to be the most handsome man you’ve ever seen? Next to John, of course—but they’re practically fucking twins, even if they won’t admit their physical similarity.
 When Tex starts to pull off his t-shirt you pipe up, “Sure you want to do that? Mermaids are famous for drowning men.”
Tex pays you that wolfish baring of teeth, kindling a familiar fire in your belly. What is wrong with you, that you so love to fight with this dangerous man? He always wins. Every fucking time. And yet you keep coming back for more. Maybe you’re the crazy one. Doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results, and all that…
“Them’s big words, from a gal who can barely touch the bottom even in the shallow end…” he teases.
“Fuck you.” You splash at him, but he’s already shimmied out of his shorts and is jumping in with you. It’s a pleasure to watch him glide through the water, truth be told. Long of line, bare skin, sinewy muscle—it makes you mad all over again, how the sight of him moves you. He surfaces an arm’s length from you, spitting water playfully into the air while pushing his dark hair out of his face. When he reaches for you, you splash him in the face.
“Don’t touch me. I’m still mad at you.”
He makes a show of wiping water out of his eyes, even though he’s already soaking wet.
“Cuz I’m such a bully, huh? Always tellin’ you what to do?”
“Yeah.”
“C’mere, you little rattlesnake.”
It’s like arguing with a brick wall, and his grip on your arm won’t be dislodged. You already know this—but you kick out anyway. Your foot finds his ribs; the push of it makes your side ache. The “oomph” you get out of him in answer is almost worth it though, and for good measure you do your damndest to dunk him.
“Goddamn, woman,” he curses, spinning you in his arms so he can drag you to a part of the pool where at least he can stand.
“Let go of me.”
“Can you just listen for once?” There’s a surprising earnestness in this request that makes you still in his arms, all ears.
“Yeah?”
He gathers you to him, your back to his front, and the warmth of his bare skin against yours in the water with his arms around you is a distracting thing.
You wait, but he’s not forthcoming.
“I’m listening?” you prompt impatiently.
“I’m thinking.”
“Think faster.”
He laughs in the bend of your neck, though there is an edge to it. He grazes your cheek with his teeth, but he doesn’t bite down. This man has an oral fixation worse than a puppy dog. You’re never sure if he wants to kiss you, or eat you.
“I’m no good at this,” he finally admits.
Well that’s the understatement of the century.
“You know, the more you think about what you want to say, the more time you have to convince yourself of a lie?”
The sound he makes behind you is more growl than sigh. “Fine. I’m fucking crazy about you, alright? And the thought of being without you feels like feeding my heart through a woodchipper.”
Hearing this makes you go dead still in his arms. It was not the thing you expected to hear from this man, ever. Suddenly you feel hot all over; there’s a ringing in your ears, your heart is in your throat. You remember what Bradford said about Tex. Psychopathic narcissist. Which means, from a text-book standpoint, that he will say anything he has to, to manipulate the people around him to his liking.
But goddamn, if it didn’t sound like he meant it just now, when he said he cares about you.
Does he mean it? Can you trust a damn word that comes out of this man’s mouth?
Do you want him to mean it?
You don’t fucking know. And you’d better say something back fast, or you’re going to be in a world of fucking trouble.
“I am…quite fond of you as well, for some reason.”
This makes him snarl, pinching your side that didn’t take a bullet. “Ow! Ok, ok!”
“What was that? Last I checked, people don’t jump in front of a bullet for someone they’re just fond of.”
“Fine. In a split-second decision…the thought of the world without you in it seemed intolerable to me.”
This, however, does not appease him.
“You just can’t say it, can you?”
“Why should I? You’ll punish me either way. I lose no matter what, in this game.”
Tex flings his arm in a wide gesture, sending crystalline drops of water flying in an arc towards the house. “You call this losing?” he demands hotly, and now you sense you’ve succeeded in truly making him angry. “Holed up in a mansion in Mexico with two men who love you more than life itself? We were ready to die for you, when Bradford took you! Don’t that mean anything at all?”
You’re so mad that the last part of that statement hardly registers with you. “Holed up? I am your prisoner. John says he loves me but he’s ready to let me go. You say you love me but you won’t give me the freedom to live. Your dicks are very nice but I need something more than sitting around the house waiting for the two of you to pounce on me!”
“What do you need?” The question is so calm in comparison to you and Tex’s yelling that the both of you fall silent. John has joined you, standing like a tall shadow at the edge of the pool, the yellow lights at his back illuminating him like a fiery halo. In that moment for all the world he resembles something that just materialized from the fires of hell.
“Freedom,” you answer before you have time to think about it, or before Tex can stop you. “I don’t like being kept in a cage.”
John is still as a statue, only his hair stirring in the salty breeze coming off the sea.
“And the two of us?”
Tex’s grip around your waist tightens, vibrating with tension, as though he’s scared of what you’ll say. He doesn’t shut you up though, silent for what may be the first time in his life, waiting for your answer.
“We can work something out.”
In the depths of the shadows, you almost miss the slight curl of John’s lips at the corners. “Well, that’s nice to hear.” You can’t tell if he means it—or if he’s just amused by you.
You watch as he strips out of his clothes to join you in the pool, and you know…nothing has really been settled, and you only sort of feel better about your situation. Talk is easy. What they actually decide to do with you? Remains to be seen.
Yet when John cups your face in his big hands, kissing you so sweetly you start to tremble—in Tex’s arms, his hot mouth upon your neck, his long fingers gliding down your belly to dip between your legs—maybe it’s all a problem that can wait until tomorrow. Or next week.
Or next month.
You do kind of like it here, with them.
Sweetwolfcupcake:
There's a ringing in your ears as you blink. Looking at the phone screen. Apparently, you now have a new bank account, a new identity and a whole new life.
A life without them in it.
When John brought up the 'coversation' last month, you had an outburst.
But now, when he has made all the decisons on your behalf, made all the arrangements to ship you the fuck out of his life-- of their lives, you sit in silence.
The conversation began a few...minutes ago? You aren't entirely sure. Because you are busy trying to keep your breathing normal and not let your tears show.
If they can take decisions for you, discard you like nothing.
They do not deserve to know how easy it has been for them to shatter you.
"One of my friends will drop you to the airport. From there, contact this man, he'll lead you through the security."
John speaks as if he is dealing with any other person as he slides a paper with a name and number on it, even a picture. He sounds strange to you now.
Indifferent.
Stoic
Unreadable
And of course, Tex makes no appearance. You have not seen him the whole day. You should have seen the signs. But you naively thought he was running some errands.
What a dumb litttle woman you have been.
Stupid.
"Finally got bored of me?" You don't know if its your voice, or your eyes but something vulnerable and readable flashes in his eyes.
"I am doing what is right for you." He has the guts to look and sound sincere.
You fist your fingers and let out a slow, quivering breath, trying to keep your voice stable through this.
You realise that you are in love with them.
You are so in love with them that even breathing hurt, looking atnthe screen showing the promised 2.5 million made you feel like a protstitute.
So you really were their 'expensive' whore.
Tex's words ring in your head.
"And when did you decide what's right for me?"
Your voice does not come out as strong as you would have liked, but you want to pat your back for keeping it from cracking. For keeping the tears from filling your eyes, for keeping yourself from breaking down and for letting it show that your heart now is in pieces - tiny but sharp pieces - pieces that would go unnoticed - but make one bleed.
"Because I know that it is for the best." He asserts.
Your giggle is unexpected, but it somehow helps. "Oh, yeah?" you shake your head. "Now you decide what's best for me?"
"(Y/N)---"
"When can I go?"
Enough of this game.
You do not want to hear anything else, you do not even want to look at him, at them. If Tex isn't here yet.
Good.
You think spitefully. He should not show his fucking face!
Anger, restentment, betrayal, heartbreak and helplessness-- everything amlagamt into a dangerous fusion that oddly numbs you. But you know that this is the silence betfore the storm.
They do not even deserve to see your outburst. You will not give them the satisfaction of any reaction at all.
There is a charged silence from his end. And when you finally manage to glance up from the screen. You almost curse out loud.
You don't know what he is thinking. But it does not seem any good.
"You think---"
The ringing of the phone becomes your saviour. You think you actually felt the growl on your skin seconds ago. Why else would there be goosebumps on your skin. Why else would your heart be thumping?
When he picks the phone, he keeps his eyes on you, but you revert your gaze back on the phone screen. Oh, you now have a new phone as well. A parting gift from them. It feels more like a return gift.
'Hey party's over, you can go hom enow, and yes, thank you for being our little plaything. Here, a return gift. Happy Journey!'
You almost laugh at your own mental mimicry.
----
John's friend arrives within an hour. You have packed your bags mechanically, but you've meticulous about it. Nothing of you would remain with them, and no part of either of them shall go with you.
The shirt you've been wearing for so long that it now basiclaly smells like you?
It actually belongs to Tex, you remember, because he would always joke about you robbing his wardrobe every time he would see you in it, only to rob you out of your breath the next moment.
So, the shirt is left in the empty closet.
The two-in-one shampoo that saves time? It s John's, so it is left on the counter.
You shove down the sob itching to emerge and steele yourself. Tex is still nowhere to be found.
Bastard.
You load the bags at the back of the car. Only two bags. Funny how your life has been alterned permananently, you are to 'start afresh' and all you've got are two bags to begin with.
Oh, and a fat bank account.
The man and John speak in Sapnish, John does most of the talking for a change. You just want to get in the car and sit down.
But you stop, somehow. Soemthing tells you to turn around. Something in you is sure that Tex is here. You know it is most probbaly your silly heart, still whimpering like the stupid fucking thing it has been for so long. You want to finally listen to your mind. But as soon as you hold the handle to yank the door open, a painful tug at your heart makes you freeze.
Listen to your fucking brain for once!
See where your stupid heart has got you---
Fuck it!
You turn around, almost hoping to see Tex, so much the image of him standing a few feet away flashes before your eyes even before you turn around.
But there in no one behind.
The fiery hope fizzles into cold nothingness in you.
No one is standing there, hoping to see you, no one is there, rushign to stoip you, to stop John. To stop this.
There is no Tex.
You scoff lightly.
But you promise yourself that this is the last time you make a fool out of yourself by listening to your heart.
You should have seen this coming. But you were just a lonely, love-starved, pathetic little woman, weren't you?
Yanking the door open, you get inside the car. The man, John's friend, joins shortly after, taking the driver's seat.
He greets you in accecented English, and you reply politely, despite the effort that it takes to be civil with anybody at themoment. You feel John's eyes on you, but you refuse to look his way.
"Can we go now?"
You ask the man, barely keeping your voice from cracking. The man nods and starts the car, but only after approval from John. You bite your lips, keeping your tears at bay-- its not easy, but you have turned into an expert in bottling up emotions at this point of life.
John's ears are ringing, and his eyes are blurry as he watches the car taking a turn, completely disappearing from his sight. He blinks, relenting under the stubborness of his tears. One tiny drop finds an escape to his cheek. Silently, he turns around.
Tex is standing a few feet behind him. He has been there ever since you walked to the car with her bags.
He simply did not have it in him to face you. So whene you turned, he hid behind a wall.
John undertands Tex, and he knows that Tex would never forgive him for doing this.
But John likes to tell himself that is the better of the two when it comes to 'doing the right thing'. Angels do not belong with devils. They're cursed, doomed beings, destroying everything good that touches them, defiling that they touch.
You don't deserve that.
John tells himself for the nth time. Maybe, if he convinces himself, it would be easier to make Tex see his reason one day.
He watches as Tex silently walks back inside the villa, slamming the door shut behind him.
Tammykelly:
You would sit and stare at the walls of each airbnb for hours. Hours would turn into days, days - into weeks. You were losing count at that point, having learnt that a passing minute could turn into lingering eternity when every day was just a routine of waiting. So patiently waiting for the impossible, you weren’t sure you were breathing.
And you were hoping they’d come bursting right through each door, as it would crack open under sizzling fire and stand agape, akin to the gates of oblivion, forever sucking you into the whirlpool of tarnished hopes.
But they never came, always teasing you with a fog of a visit in your dreams, so flawlessly unattainable, even in the thicket valley of your own mind. You could practically feel their presence, looming somewhere behind you. And yet when you did turn your head, you’d always be greeted with only shadows, playing dirty tricks on you.
And what came to fill that befuddled void was an unstoppable force of burning tears and searing pain you carried in your chest every time you’d go on a new road trip across Europe.
Eucalyptus trees, turquoise sea, passing by the road, birds flying high, sometimes matching the speed of the car.
It wasn’t them leaving you feeling discarded that made you mad. It was the fact that it was the decision made for you. The taken away chance for you to fight for your own freedom and liberate yourself on your own terms.
Crowds of people laughing, dancing, cheering, a few couples kissing and hugging slipped by your sight.
And who would’ve thought that the freedom, once forced upon you, tasted like emptiness, and boredom turned out to be second to the suffocating loneliness. For now, instead of being caged in the glass house, you found yourself waking up every day to the ringing sound of the cage that was your own subconscious, slowly erasing parts of you.
The excitement of the first few days would always vaporise into the thin air, the towns, the mountains, the forests, the beaches - everything turning into a never ending lane in between the world you daydreamed about behind the world you were escaping. For freedom, with no one to share, became a burden just for you to carry.
This is probably what they wanted, you’d think every day, staring at yourself in the rear mirror of your rental car. For you to hate your own company and long for their so bad you wanted to curse your own existence.
They’d always play a game of push and pull with you, giving you everything that you wanted in a controlled amount - just enough for you to feel satisfied and less than enough that you keep coming back for more.
You drive the car down one of many hills of Italian Riviera, onto an empty secluded beach, then stepping into the nauseating midday sun accompanied by the loud crying of cicadas. The scorching sunlight and eucalyptus shade being the only things that kiss your skin, as you leave your sundress discarded in the backseat. Soft sand embraces your feet, slowly guiding you to the warm crystal clear blue water, letting you escape deeper and deeper in, until your bikini is fully wet and your chin touches the surface. Your eyes close, your breath in synch with your heartbeat fueled by the fleeting thoughts.
You exhale one last time, emptying your mind, and let the Mediterranean sea swallow you whole.
- a flashback -
You feel your head come above the surface, air filling your lungs, and then late noon sunlight graze your wet hair, as you walk out of the turquoise pool, emerging slowly, your eyes locked on the dark chocolate ones that devour each curve of your body, too distracted to notice you calculating your steps. You reach the pool bed and grab the towel, drying yourself, the sunlight shining over you in the most flattering way, making the man beside you hardly resist pulling you onto his lap. You feel his arms find their way around you in a firm embrace, and in a swift motion, the towel is discarded somewhere on the floor, droplets from your bikini are now falling down onto his skin.
“Hey”, you say softly, making yourself comfortable, at the price of his discomfort.
“You’re a fuckin’ goddess, you know that?” - Tex’s lips fall on your chest and trace a line up to your jawline.
“Never noticed, no”, you tease, your fingers on either side of his face, making him look up at you. A little naughty butterfly sets an array of flowers blooming in the bubble inside your heart, as you watch him study you with the eyes full of a promise to devour you right then and there, meticulously edging you on, before the other hawk comes for his piece of the prey.
Having nowhere to run means you’ve got nothing to lose.
You kiss him deeply, feeling his arms pull you flush against his chest, before you pull away right when the scales are about to tip not in your favor.
Your gaze penetrates his dark irises, igniting more fiery canons he throws your way in a form of his fingers digging deeper into your hips and waist.
Out of the two, Tex is more impulsive. And impulsivity means a behavioural pattern. And where’s a pattern, there’s a loophole. And where’s a loophole, there’s a way out.
Your ears catch his voice before your brain registers it.
“What?”, - Tex chuckles, making your resurfacing back to him speed up its pace.
“Nothing”, - you whisper, your fingers touching his cheekbones.
A small smirk turns into a wolfish grin, as he continues: “It’s never nothing with you. You told me once, we are nothing more or less than what we choose to reveal. So tell me, what’re you hidin’, my rattlesnake?”
Him leisurely drawing absentminded circles on your hips makes your chest rise and fall a bit deeper, as if setting off in-built alarms. You lock your jaw and let go.
“Sometimes my mind still wonders back to that kidnapping day”, the circles stop, “as I remember watching you and John obliterate the enemies, I kept thinking how graceful you two looked, as if almost entranced in a dance, deadly one at that”, his jaw plays under your fingers, “as time passed, it made me wonder, what more can you do for me?”
You notice a flash of darkness sparkle through his gaze, as if a shadow of a thick lone storm cloud approaching, but never leaving, with lightning brewing deep within.
Tex growls: “Oh, you’re so spoiled,”your cheeks flush a deeper tone, “we’re ready to kill anyone for you, is it not enough?”
You can’t keep your eyes off his, so you reply: “Although I do appreciate the thought, it’s not”, his eyebrow twitches, “you know, it’s easy to break, to kill and to bring destruction to the doorstep of anyone who dares to encounter you. But you know what’s hard?”, you let a pause escape into the abyss, “sacrificing and living”.
His head tilts, “we’re both willing to sacrifice our lives for you”. You pull away.
“I know, you do, but that’s not what I mean”, you tell him, “getting killed in the name of love is easy. But giving up what you love is not”. The hairs at the back of your neck stand up, for your heartbeat quickens at the look, emanating from his narrowed eyes.
“What are you talking about?”, he asks lowly.
A shallow breath escapes your lips when you feel tears pool in your eyes, before you can speak again: “You keep dancing with the death because you were born to be its angels. You love hunting, because you were born to be hunting dogs”, you let yourself run your fingers through his raven locks, feeling your chest tighten, “but you know better than anyone that death always catches up to you, you can’t outrun it”, your eyes wash over his face, “hounds get shot down too”.
You feel a vibration of his laughter echo through you, as Tex’s voice softens: “Well, that’s one way to call us old”.
You smile bitterly, feeling a single tear roll down your cheek. “Oh, you don’t think your employers just gonna pat you on the back and thank you for your service, do you?” Tex’s fingers wipe your cheek gently, butterflies in your belly forming a growing gurgling sensation of an upcoming avalanche, “the difference between a dog and a man is that dogs can’t talk, they act on instinct”, he watches your eyes search his, “either way, both of you will always remain a liability. There’s no grace in dying and no dignity in fighting a losing game”.
Suddenly, you hear another deep voice quietly respond, sending shivers down your spine, as its owner steps into the light, away from the shadowy greenery.
“So, what are you saying?”, you hear another pool bed creek, as John sits down.
“Devils are forever bound to Hell”, you feel an instinctive urge to wiggle out of Tex’s grip and let your feet touch the ground, “so don’t fucking drag me into it. Make your choice”, you tell them, both men now looking up at you, their laser sharp pitch black eyes staring right through you, goosebumps arising on every inch of your body.
“You know it’s not that simple”, Tex says lowly, earning a glare from John, which he shrugs off. You raise an eyebrow.
“Is this your final answer, Tex?”
He doesn’t reply.
You don’t take your eyes off Tex, while you hear John’s voice pierce through you: “We’ll always choose you”, making you slightly step away.
“Doesn’t seem that way”, you reply in a tone that matches his and turn around, speed walking back to the mansion.
You immediately feel the AC blasting, while you pace your breathing, as you step inside and walk into the kitchen, pouring yourself a glass of water with shaky hands. You glance into the window, watching the boys’ backs, as they lean closer to one another, whispering secrets not meant for your ears. Secrets that the tree shades will evaporate and never reveal.
You feel your hand clasp the glass harder, your vision focusing on the blurry reflection of you, tears making your silhouette on the window glass even fainter, as water slips past your lips and down your throat.
- the present -
As you look away from your reflection in the bar window, lazily skipping over LA street view, you put the glass down, the burning sensation in your mouth tingling pleasantly.
So much for fighting to be a puppet master when in the end it’s always been their game, for they were the ones who invented it. Haunting you. Taunting you. Tainting you. Akin to the glass in front of you, stained with your fingerprints and lipgloss.
Fuck, your breath fogs the glass.
You hear the bar doorbell ringing, letting the late night air in, and, after a few seconds, a bar stool a few sits over scraping, as the person sits down. You look up from the glass and into the mirror behind the illuminated shelves that hold liquor.
You suddenly feel like your stomach is flipping somersaults, as if air was knocked out of your lungs. For when you watch the stranger’s reflection, you can’t help but notice the singularity of similarities, wondering whether you’re seeing double.
How many Jesus-looking handsome devils are there?
You forget that it’s not polite to stare and he pretends not to pay attention to it. After a few seconds you inhale again, as if starved for oxygen, your heartbeat overpowering the loud music in your ears.
You fail to see a scrawny middle-aged guy sitting down next to you, missing his chatting up and lewd looks, as he’s checking you out. Finally, your eyes lock with your mirrored ones, your jawline hardens, as you try to move away from the noisy stranger. As you take a sip of your drink, he tries to snatch your hand, which makes you jolt and snap your hand back, throwing him a deadly glare. Instead of taking the hint, he grabs the back of your stool and spins your seat, so you’re facing him.
“Fuck off”, you hiss at him.
“You’re so rude”, - the guy moves closer and you - further from him, your skin crawling with unpleasant thoughts, “someone’s gotta teach you manners”, placing a hand on your bare lower thigh, above your knee. You exhale with a smirk on your lips, before grabbing his palm, curling your fingers and digging your nails into the centre of the thinnest part so hard that bloody creases appear, making him yelp. Fingers of your other hand wrap around the thumb of the hand you’re clawing in, and you’re not shy to painfully bend it in such a way that if you put more force to it, it’d break.
“Remind me again, what was it about the manners?”, you whisper, dangerously low, the guy’s cries drowning in the music. His other hand claws at your arm, as he calls you names. You yank his hand hard, as he does the same in his direction, which leaves deep scratch marks, then grasping his collar, your wide crazed eyes staring into his drunk red ones.
“Don’t try me”, you growl, “I will bite”.
“You crazy fucking bitch”, the guy grabs you with one hand, his glossy eyes filled with rage, his hot breath fanning over your face. As his other hand moves to slap you, you turn to the side briefly, noticing dark obsidian eyes staring right at you, when the stranger’s hand wraps around the guy’s wrist.
“Don’t be rude to the lady”, he says to the drunkard, as you let go of the guy. You lean back, watching the stranger’s eyes glow, akin to jet-black nothingness of the dark matter in space.
“Who the fuck are you?” the guy asks the stranger, who turns his attention to you:
“Is he bothering you, angel?”
You nod, your gaze never leaving his, making you feel an almost familiar sense of security, as you fall deeper into the bottomless fiery pits of his eyes. Before the guy can say a word, the handsome stranger is forcibly throwing him onto the ground, then casually asking the bartender to call the security, ignoring the guy’s threats to call the cops. You watch the stranger squat in front of the drunk guy and tell him to stay quiet, which he doesn’t listen to, making the first one roll his eyes.
You hear a sound of his fist colliding with the guys head, knocking him out. The stranger’s black eyes find yours, pulling you into the intricate labyrinth that is his curious gaze.
“Happens all the time”, he explains, his presence close enough to make you feel the heat of his body, but respectfully away that you don’t feel like he’s intruding your personal space. All thoughts completely leave your mind, as you don’t think you have it in you to divert your gaze, especially when the security drags the drunkard out onto the street.
You feel blood flow to your cheeks when the man’s eyes study you with the same intensity you once knew, making your stomach turn and throat dry up, as you absentmindedly reach for your drink. You force yourself to look away, blinking the fog of memories clouding your consciousness, as if a waterfall washes away the imprints it once knew. You let the pretty devil read your body language, not paying attention to him sitting down next to you, as you look through the window, into the depths of the night, for a split second thinking, indeed, you’re seeing double.
“You look like you’ve seen a ghost”, the man’s voice reaches you, once again the illuminating black hole of his irises not letting go of you, as if the sound and space around you are nonexistent anymore.
“Maybe I did”, you reply, pleasant tingles all over your body mixing with barely noticeable shivers, coating your flesh, your mind fully in control of your thoughts and actions, despite several cocktails.
You break the thick silence between you: “Do you, like, have a twin or something?”
“No, why’d you ask?”, - he responds, his gaze slowly increasing the heat of your body.
“Sorry, you just remind me of someone”, you apologise, hiding the truth behind the sip of your drink.
“Are you running away or looking for them?”, - the stranger asks.
“I dunno. Maybe a little bit of both”, your lashes flutter.
You feel him lean closer, the speed of your heartbeat rising.
“What’d you do if you saw a ghost?”, he whispers, your eyes lock on his again.
You bite your lip, thinking for a second, and tell him: “Well, it’d depend on where I see them. If I saw them in my apartment, I’d ask why the fuck they’re here rent free. If I saw them in a Church, I’d probably meet Jesus right then and there. If I saw them in an alley, I’d probably punch them so hard I’ll send them back to where they came from”.
Your eyes find his playful smile so enjoyable for some reason, when he teases: “You’ve got spirit”.
You mirror his expression: “No, just a whole lotta anger”.
You both let a pause vapour into the air and then he speaks again.
“So, which one is it?”, he asks, searching your eyes.
“Well, I’m here and they’re there. End of the story”, you let out before another beat passes by, as your mind and heart fail to create any excuse not to keep up with him.
He tilts his head, his short messy hair falling all over his forehead. “So, what brings you to the city of Angels? Business or pleasure?”
“Haven’t decided yet, maybe both”, you say, watching a wolf-like grin appear on his lips, a smirk you know all too well, which makes your heart sting just a tiny pinch.
“Looks like you need someone to do a whole lotta deciding for you”, - his eyes glimmer with a shade of darkness you can tell brings no good but a cheeky pretext for more.
“Excuse you, you don’t think you have anything you can offer me, do you?”, you match his smile with one of your own.
“Depends on what you’re looking for”, the man replies, watching you feign curiosity.
“Depends on what you have to offer”, you raise an eyebrow.
“So you do want something from me”.
“Huh, maybe the question is what don’t I want”.
You feel the heat of his body on yours even stronger when he moves closer.
“Maybe the question is what can you offer me?”, he asks, earning a glare from you. The counter meets with your arm, as you lean on it, your body now facing his.
“What are you looking for then? Business or pleasure?”, you throw one leg over the other.
“Don’t get ahead of yourself, angel. It could be something you can’t give me”, he leans back, looking down at you through his lashes.
A pause washes over you two.
“What, cat’s got your tongue?”
“No, I’m thinking”, you tell him.
“Think faster”, he urges.
Deja vu much?
You exhale, smirking: “Fuck off. You’re a prick”.
“You can’t expect to receive something without giving something in return. So, that makes you…a…what?”, he waves his hand absentmindedly.
“A fucking saint”, your voice sounds as a matter of factly.
“Quite the opposite, actually”.
“Yeah, you ever see a saint doing charity work?”
“I’ll let you know when I see one”
He’s so devilishly handsome it’s annoying.
Your jawline moves but you don’t dwell on the feeling of rising heat under your skin.
“So, what is it that you want”, you ask flatly.
“Stick around and find out”.
“Nah, I’ll have to check my calendar first”, you pretend to think, “hmm, I don’t think so”.
You catch a tiny sparkle of interest grow bigger in the eyes opposite yours, though he doesn’t move a muscle, buying into your pretence when you both can feel the underlying truth on your fingertips.
“Can I buy you a drink”, his low voice vibrates through a thin layer of deceptive indifference. You note how his eyes are the opposite of the ones that embody icy coldness laced with a warm hue that you’re used to. His irises are so warm with a glint of a cold breeze, blowing through them.
“No, but you can pay for mine. I don’t drink much, especially with scruffy strangers”.
The man waves to a bartender who’d just come for his shift, you hear the voice of a man behind the counter: “Good evening, John”.
Oh, so help me God
“Put the lady’s drinks on my tab and get me a glass of Ardberg”, he turns to face you, “name’s John Constantine. You’re indebted to me now”.
“For a fucking drink?”
“Three, to be exact”
You laugh.
Guess you’re not escaping the devil tonight
“You’re such an asshole, John. So what is it that you do for a living”
“I hunt”
Fucking Hell
“And then I help the souls leave this realm”, he continues.
Even better
“Like, with a bullet or a prayer?”, you draw circles on the glass ring.
“A little bit of both”
“That pays well?”
Constantine smirks: “One does what one can”.
“You like it?”
“Not at all”
“Why’d you do it then?”, you ask quietly.
“To atone for my sins”, your eyes can’t help but notice an almost sad glimpse appear in his irises and then switch off back to a playful hint. He watches you look at him with wide eyes.
“Can I tell you a secret?”
You nod, expectantly.
“I don’t do bullets these days”
“So, you’re like…Killer Preacher? Fiery Priest?”
“Haven’t thought of it like that. But yeah”, he replies, as your heartbeat almost makes you nauseous, the ephemeral sensation of being watched from a place you can’t see making your ears turn red, you almost don’t hear him finish his sentence, “I’m not a killer. On God”.
You force a giggle: “Sure”.
Constantine’s eyes loom over yours once more, taking in every micro expression of yours, when he suggests: “You’re sure you don’t want a drink?”
You look him right in the eyes when you take his drink from his hand and down the rest he hasn’t finished yet, then saying: “Yeah, thanks. It’s been nice knowing you, John Constantine”.
He quirks an eyebrow: “You drank my shit and you’re leaving?”
“Yeah. I’m done with killers”, your heels make contact with the floor and you begin to walk away.
“Be seeing you, angel”, Constantine throws your way, neither of you turning around, as you reply: “No, you won’t”.
You go outside and light a cigarette with a trembling hand, staring into the darkest part of the alleyway, fear slowly subsiding and blood pumping in your veins with a newfound purpose of hot radioactive anger.
There’s a Nietzche saying, “and if you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss also gazes into you”. For you can sense that two pairs of eyes are locked in on yours, shining in the darkness.
John notices a venomous smile playing on your lips and a hint of glowing in your eyes, not from the street lamp but rather the thoughts brewing in your mind, as he’s gripping the wheel tighter, the pain causing him to feel more grounded. Tex feels like they’re both staring at the reflection of them, him and John hiding in the shadows, you - right there, embraced by the light, forever favoured by the bold fortune. For “he who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster”. For you turned out to be a true angel in the city that is the land of the devils.
Just as you throw the cigarette out, your ears pick up the sound of the doorbell before you hear footsteps approaching you.
“Well, you sure took your sweet fucking time”, you tell Constantine, offering him a cigarette.
“Aw, don’t tell me you’ve been waiting for me”, he says before popping a piece of gum into his mouth, as you put the pack into your purse.
“No way in Hell, ew. It’s just taxis take for-fucking-ever here”
“Waiting for the ghost?” he sits down next to you on the bench.
“Yeah. I think I’m going ghost hunting tonight”.
“There’s more than one, I take it?”
You nod and continue: “And I also think I’m gonna take you up on that offer and let you humour me”.
His eyes glow with the same hue as yours: “You’ve figured what you can give me?”
You smirk: “Yeah. I got a debt to pay off, after all, third time‘s a charm, remember?”
“4, in your case”
“3 and a half”, your firm voice claims.
Constantine leans closer, grinning, his gaze devilishly capturing yours in a bargain your body could never deny.
“Thought you were done with killers”, he growls, his quiet voice making shivers roll down every inch of you.
“I guess not tonight, no”.
“Why a change of mind?”
“You look like you’ve been through Hell and back”, you let him get closer until your faces are just millimetres apart, not caring whether your other devils are watching or how they’re feeling anymore.
“Damn, I’ve been called worse but, wow, my God, angel”.
“I wonder what gives”, you tease, letting a Tex-like accent slip past.
“Mhhmm, what makes you say that?”, Constantine’s eyes urging you to lean back, as you recross your legs.
“Because I know what Hell feels like”.
“Well, I am most certain you did not wait for a sympathetic shoulder to cry on”, he purrs, placing his big warm hand on your knee.
“No, I did not”, you send a small smile his way, allowing his hand to travel up your bare thigh, “I don’t want ghosts following me anymore”.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about”, he says, his watchful eyes boring into yours, your heart flutters.
“Who are you to tell me what I do and don’t know”, the sound of your whisper hiss-like.
He smirks: “Okay, do pray tell”, his gaze never leaving your irises.
“I know what devils look like because maybe Hell is other people”.
You let distant sirens be the only sound filling the street.
‘So, you’re running away?”, Constantine breaks the spell, as you feel his skin on yours clearer than ever, ignoring the alarming temptation to stare into the darkness again and seek answers that’ll keep you up at night.
Instead, you tell him: “You keep calling me angel like it means something. I’m far from that. I’m no angel, and I think you’re no devil”.
“Are you sure, little dove? Appearances can be deceiving”.
“But the eyes never lie. And see, you can’t be really running away, when it wasn’t your decision to leave. So, I’ll take my chances”.
Abruptly, all of his warmth leaves your personal space, when he leans back and tilts his head: “You’ll have to pay if my head gets bitten off”
“Make sure to keep it on your fucking shoulders then”, you retort and pull him by the tie.
- 6 months later -
Constantine rolls over, though one of his arms still around you, both of you flushed with after sex glow, rocking messy hair. There’s a pack of unopened cigarettes on your nightstand, he reaches out over you and grabs a pack of gum, offering one to you first and throwing the next one into his mouth. You get up from the bed, Constantine’s eyes following your naked form. He rolls his eyes upon seeing you turn around and cutely blow him a kiss, before the bathroom door clicks shut and he starts to get dressed.
After a while, as the scent of coffee fills the apartment, he hears the sound of you walking across the room, the chair scrapping against the floor and cricking, as you sit down at the table with a towel wrapped around your hair, opening your UCLA mock exam book. He looks up at you from the two cups he’s just poured and sets one in front of you, his eyes glowing.
You glance up, thanking him.
“Last push?”, the corner of his mouth quirks up a little.
“Yeah”, - you set the cup back down, “God, I really did forget what it feels like to be this nervous a week before the exam”.
“You’ll do great, this is just an entrance exam for the undergraduate program, how hard can it be?” he teases, “plus you’ve already gone to college”.
“Yeah, you know I never graduated. Also shut up, genius, see if you can take it”, you mock him before burying your head in the book. Suddenly, you hear a phone buzzing on the table, looking over and seeing it’s Constantine’s, the screen lighting up with a call from “Angela”.
“Your girlfriend’s calling”, - you muse, sliding the phone to the man.
“She’s not my girlfriend”, he states, his eyes not leaving yours, as he ignores the buzz.
“You should take it”, you tilt your head up, as a shadow falls on your face, feeling Constantine’s hand somewhere behind you, “seems important”.
“She can wait”, you feel a whisper pass over right above your ear before he leans closer and his lips find yours, the scent of coffee and gum mixing on your tongues. You break the kiss after a while, lightly smacking his chest.
“I gotta study, John”, you pout, ignoring his wicked grin.
“I know, just giving you a little motivation”, Constantine downs his coffee and winks at you, before walking over to the sink to wash it.
“Ew”, you say, though your eyes follow his movements, as you bite your lip, smiling. As he turns around with a cheeky smirk on those gorgeous lips of his, you roll your eyes.
“Get me something to eat, will you?”, you ask.
“On it”, he laughs, “be right back”.
“Don’t be too long”, - you take a sip of the coffee, as he’s leaving the kitchen. Just as you start revising, you hear his voice calling you again.
“Hey”, you look up, “I’m proud of you, angel”, Constantine smiles at you.
“Get outta here, already”, you throw a cramped paper ball his way, your chest filling with butterflies, making you giggle, as you set your eyes back on the study paper.
You hear the doorbell ringing and Constantine telling you: “Don’t get up, I’ll get it”.
“Thanks, cutie”, you reply, dodging the said paper ball.
After a door click, strange silence greets the air, turning warm LA air icy cold.
“What the fuck”, you hear a voice that makes your blood freeze. “Who the fuck are you?” a deep voice repeats.
“I’m John. The owner of this house. And who the fuck are you?”, Constantine replies and you hurry to the door, your eyes taking in the scene of two men, standing almost chest to chest, about to come unleashed upon one another in a deadly dance of bulls.
Your eyes then lock on dark obsidian ones that spew fireballs.
“Y/n”, the man with long hair, holding a huge bouquet of your favourite flowers, exhales your name softly. Before he can utter another word, you are right up in his face, punching him in the nose, as hard as you can, making him stumble back with blood now dripping down his lips and chin.
“What the actual fuck?” the man exclaims, clearly he didn’t expect such a warm welcome.
Your eyes lock with Constantine’s.
“Nice one”, he high fives you, as you smile at him,“that’s one of the ghosts, I assume?”
“Number 2, actually”, you reply, calmly watching Tex look at you with confusion but his bloodied fingers wrapping around the bouquet, knuckles white, his eyes growing darker with each passing second.
Constantine’s eyes peel off yours and assess Tex.
“Can’t say it’s a pleasure to meet you, asshole”, he says and you almost feel a breeze pass you, as he launches forward.
A screen freeze frame:
Constantine’s fist raised, the other grabbing onto Tex, Tex’s hand with the bouquet about to collide with Constantine’s face.
The angle pans to you.
You look into the camera, amused, yet terrified.
Shit
Treedaddymcpuffpuff:
You take the blood speckled flowers and put them in a purple glass vase by the window where the filtered sunlight can illuminate and nourish the pretty stained petals. The silky roses and lilies - what a combo - invite you to run your fingertips across them and smell the heavy sweetness of the cluster.
After you take your time with the flowers, you go to Tex, sit beside him and dab at his swelling face with a cool washcloth. John watches this display with a barely contained scowl, hip against the counter, cigarette pressed tightly between his lips, bag of frozen peas pressed into his own blooming bruise - you had insisted he blunt the freeze with a rag so his skin didn’t get damaged.
“I’m sorry,” Tex says, and it makes you pause. Takes you aback.
“What?” It’s really the only thing you can manage. You don’t think you’ve ever heard him say he’s sorry and genuinely mean it. However, the enchantment is short lived when you realize that his repentance is probably a ploy to get you pliant and small for him again.
“I said I’m so-“
“I heard you, Tex, but come the fuck on. You actually think that shit is gonna work?”
Ah, there’s that punchable, handsome, toe curling half raise of his mouth. “It was worth a try.”
“You want another black eye?” You ask him.
“You know I’ll take anything you wanna give me, rattlesnake.”
“Die in a fire.” Despite harsh words, you’re still cleaning the caked blood off his face. You think that says way more about you than it ever could about him, but you’ve learned not to question yourself too much nowadays. If everyone else is resigned to being immoral, selfish douchebags, then why shouldn’t you be?
“I miss you.” This is his reply as he sports an almost infatuated expression on his face. He looks like a love sick puppy, and you kind of don’t mind it. Submissive suits him. Begging, strung up to the headboard, cock angry and purple, dribbling fat liquid pearls onto his belly, still having the audacity to be cheeky even while he's so desperate he’s humping air.
“You thinkin’ about me, huh, darlin?” He blows you a kiss and you scowl. Still, your face is hot, hands shaky, breath uneven. Curse this man for his ability to make your cunt throb traitorous in zero point five.
“Where’s John?” You deflect.
“I’m right here.”
You turn to Constantine. He’s got the full icy bag pressed to his face without a buffer again. Remedying his disobedience with a sigh, you snatch the veggies, slap the washrag back on, and then place them to his cheek gently. “You’re gonna get freezer burn.”
He holds you steady on tiptoes, broad hand pressed into your waist, leans down to kiss your top lip. “Who’s John?” He asks.
“A friend.”
Tex snorts. “You know, I’m startin to think ya like him better than me. Every time we have a homecoming, the first words outta your mouth are always ‘where’s John?’”.
His poor imitation of your voice, if you’re giving him credit, actually does make you giggle. “That’s cuz I do like him better than you, Tex.”
You can’t see the way he shoots Constantine a heavy stink eye. “Clearly. Now come’er, you missed a spot.”
Instead of glaring at him, you smile, grab a coke from the fridge and lean into the counter to sip on it. “It’s cute that you still think you’re the boss of me, Tex.”
His grin turns into a sneer. “What? You think just cuz you got a little bodyguard now, I can’t still slap that pretty buxom bottom all red and raw?” He flexes a bulky hand as testament to that, and you hate yourself for shrinking a little bit. Half out of fear, half because your insides give a violent boil of desire that you’re afraid both these men can feel despite distance.
Constantine, in true fashion, rolls his eyes. “Where did you find this guy? The bargain bin of Tractor Supply?”
“Close. A diner in Ohio.”
“Hey, I was the best lookin’ guy in that Diner, thank you.” Tex is back to his usual lazy grin, tipping an imaginary hat.
“You never change, do you?” You ask him, shaking your head.
“Momma didn’t raise a quitter,” he shrugs.
You can try to deny it all you want, but you did miss Tex. That dangling piece of your heart - held by only a tearing thread of muscle - reattached when you saw his beautiful face, leaving you warmer and sturdier and… fuck. Happier.
It’s not your fault. He should be outlawed for the combination k.o. of those handsome features, deep honey voice and annoying, endearing wit. His black hair has grown disheveled and wild, stubble thickening into a wiry mess that you want to tug at. Constantine is always clean shaven, and, god, you miss having constant rugburn between your thighs.
And those hands. Jesus, those big, beautiful, chunky hands, all bruised from beating Constantine into the ground. It wasn’t a fair fight. Although of similar height, Tex’s burly stature overpowered Constantine’s lithe frame. If it wasn’t for John knocking Tex back a couple feet with a burst of black flame, he’d look a lot worse right now. And it’s a good thing he did it sooner rather than later, because you were just about to attempt to pull Tex off of him.
However, that pulse of dark magic created a brand new set of problems. Because Tex now has a, to quote John Constantine, “worrying” symbol burned into his chest.
“The sixth seal of what?” You ask John as he digs through his messy desk of papers and odd collectibles. Occult bobbles and silver trinkets, brown stained parchment from careless papercuts, a few extra lighters. Finally, he rips a book from the bottom of a drawer.
“Saturn.” He flips through, reads faster than you can think, comes dead stop at a page with the identical marking on Tex’s chest. “Oh.”
“Oh?” You say, leaning over him and trying to read Latin. “What does oh mean, John? I’m worried here.”
“Pentacle of Saturn. Creates a magnet for demons and dark hearted creatures.”
“Meaning?”
“Howdy Doody is fucked.”
“I heard that!” Tex calls from the kitchen.
After a hushed discussion with John - well, it starts as a discussion. “So, take it off him.”
“I can’t. I need help.”
You fix him with a stubborn look, grab his t-shirt and drag him over. “So, get help.”
“What’s in it for me?”
You kiss him hard, lick your sharp tongue into his mouth and press him back into his office chair as he tugs your hips down into his lap.
You’re not nice about carding your fingers through his thick hair, and he gives the same treatment while he palms your thighs and ass. You tug his velvet mane back to reveal the long pillar of his pale throat and nibble at his pulse, making him groan and shift under you.
Your cheeks only burn a little bit while you smile down at him, hand still holding his head back. The other heel of your hand puts a little pressure on the thick bulge in his pants, and he bucks into you.
You chuckle. “Would you ever tell me no, John?”
His voice is sandpaper, thick with saliva, it induces a violent shiver from your head to your toes. “Only if you asked me to.”
You pat his flushed cheek, kiss his sensitive swollen bruise. It’s like this more often than not. Ever since that day in the alley where he pressed you into the cold damp concrete and fucked your eyes into the back of your head, you’ve been clinically diagnosed with ‘can’t keep your hands off eachother’ disease.
Whereas Tex and John would only give you what they thought you deserved - held you under a tight thumb and always made sure you were the one licking boots and begging for thread - Constantine can’t fucking resist you. He’s at your beck and call, completely enchanted despite being the magic user in the relationship.
Having a man like Constantine at your feet, by your side, it’s a heavy drug, and a damn miracle if you don’t end up fucking like feral beasts a few times a day.
A heavy, interrupting knock on the front door pulls you from his lips. You feel his baby hairs stand on end, skin prickle in goose flesh, watch his eyes curtain black. He’s a thrumming ball of dark energy, a black void meant for consumption. It’s his bodies malefic defense against black magic. It puts your heart in your ears.
“Fuck.” He picks you up, outer calm betrayed by a sickly nervous sweat beading on his skin, and sets your feet on the floor.
“Are we about to die, John?” You reach out to grip his forearm, and the look he gives you makes your blood cold.
“I need you to go out the back door.” He pops open his weapon cabinet and shoulders a big rifle out. “And I need you to get away from here. Fast.”
“John, I don’t-“
“Do it. Fuck.” He rethinks being demanding, grabs you with one hand and presses his forehead to yours. “Please, Angel, I need you safe.”
You’ve come a long way from that sniveling, scared girl kneeling in gravel with a 9 mm barrel pressed to your temple, but John is right: despite your fierce independence and growing sense of self worth, you have no tools to fight against whatever monsters are knocking at his door.
“What about Tex?”
He kisses your head. “Can he shoot a gun?”
“Yeah?”
John cocks the rifle. “Then he can hold his own.” Your attempt to follow Constantine’s request is very short lived. Turns out, demons are smarter than anyone gives them credit for. As soon as you make it over the threshold, you’re grabbed up. Four men, occult symbols written permanently into their flesh, heads shaved bare. They grip you by the throat and the wrists, but you still have your feet. You lash out, catch one in the groin, and as he stumbles back you have enough leverage to palm another’s nasal bone into his skull.
Then, you run. Gunshots echo behind you, and, of course you’re worried about your own skin, but what about Tex and John? What about them fighting off even more of these brutes? The desperate thought almost gets you to turn around.
Suddenly, your legs seize up, and you land face down on the pavement. It’s like you’ve been paralyzed, rolled over by tons of crushing weight. Your lungs tighten and breathing gets exponentially harder. You feel your bones creaking under the stress of an invisible steam roller. Gravity is a thousand times sharper down here.
A little kick to your thigh is child’s play compared to the boulder crushing your chest. “This is Constantine’s bitch?”
“Yeah, I know, underwhelming.”
You don’t exactly mind the insults - you’re being suffocated by a slow, unyielding force and that seems to be the more pressing issue.
“Kill her?” You didn’t hear the first part of the sentence because your eardrums were popping painfully.
“Yeah.”
And, actually, death would be preferable to suffering like this, feeling like you’ve been shoved into a 3 inch underwater steel drain pipe, like every breath you take is the last one your lungs can handle before they explode.
The weight lifts, air filters through your throat, your body spasms back to life. You can move again, breathe again; it’s painful and glorious. You turn around, and there is your dark angel. In the flesh. Hair nestled back behind his ears, collar tucked neatly on his shoulders despite the dark brown stains slashing through it.
You forget that you’re supposed to be mad at him, especially when he’s looming over a pile of bloody bodies - saving your life once again.
“John?” You breathe.
The stoic expression you fondly remember is contorted in agony. He holds his hand out for you, and you let him pull you to your feet.
It only takes you a stunned few moments to remember that he abandoned you after using you for months on end like a rag doll.
You rear back and slap him hard across the face.
You give yourself kudos - he does flinch a tiny bit. Then, he’s on you, cradling you to his chest, soothing hands rubbing over your head and back, big deep rumbles shaking his broad chest. You lash out with your hands, hitting and scratching, screaming at him to get the fuck off you and that you hate him and that you wish he were dead, but he is unfazed. A force to be reckoned with. Just like you remember him.
He cradles you calm, holds you like he’s never going to let you go again - you have no idea - and, in the same way that Tex repaired a piece of your broken heart, John’s embrace stitches the entire thing back together in some visceral, risky surgery that leaves you agonized and whole again.
Your tears stain his jacket.
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cirrus-ghoulette · 1 year
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Too High
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Rating: General
Word count: 1,917
Summary: When the ghouls point out that Copia smells really bad after a Ritual, he realises that something is wrong.
Key tags/warnings: Diabetic Copia, usage of medical instruments including needles, blood
It had been on his first tour as a Cardinal.
They were still getting used to life together on tour. Living in close quarters, having to learn to share, long days of travelling being capped off by high energy rituals. Getting used to being around ghouls and their instincts had been a BIG adjustment for Copia. He was slowly adjusting to all the growls and hisses and posturing.
They'd just finished their first New York show, and they were back on the road on the same night, heading for Ohio.
The ghouls had changed out of their uniforms and into loungewear. Copia had noticed that their clothes seemed to be communal, as Rain was wearing a hoodie clearly too big for him, and Cumulus was wearing a crop top that looked a bit too well-fitting to be hers.
Copia himself was dressed in a pair of jogging bottoms and an old ABBA t-shirt, the logo now faded on it. As he walked out of the master bedroom on the bus, he caught the sound of Swiss talking.
"Eugh… Something stinks of absolute shit."
Well, that was nice.
Copia quickly sniffed himself, and yes, he'd remembered to put on deodorant and his ghoul-approved cologne. He frowned.
Then, he walked through to the lounge, where all the ghouls were draped over the sofas. They looked up at the sight of him, and Swiss still had a look on his face that Copia was sure would stick if the wind changed direction.
"Eh…" He looked over his pack, then clapped his hands together, needing to give them a rousing speech after such a good performance. "Wonderful show tonight. Very good, I liked the… Guitar duel, with the- the New York song, very fitting." He nodded to Aether and Dew, who were sat shoulder to shoulder. Dew had his hoodie pulled up over his mouth and nose, like a mask. "And my beautiful lionesses!" He turned to the pair of ghoulettes, Cirrus in Cumulus' lap. "What dulcet tones you sang, what powerful chords you hit." He leaned forward to cup Cumulus' cheek, and she went to flinch away before stopping herself. She leaned into the touch, though her face was one of someone who had just sucked on a lemon.
Copia frowned.
"Alrighty. There is something going on here." He waggled his finger at the group. "What is it?"
"Don't know what you're talking about, Cardinal." Dew shrugged, pulling his hoodie strings so that the hood closed around his face.
"There is clearly something that is the matter. Is someone in heat? I believe it's the smell that's making you… All funny, si?" He put his hands on his hips, not unlike a stern mother, willing to wait out the group.
The ghouls went silent. They stared at him. He stared back, a disapproving eyebrow raised.
Eventually, Rain spoke up. His nose was buried in the crook of his forearm. "We… We think it might be you, Cardinal." He said softly, almost too quietly to hear. "Sorry."
"Me?" Copia's jaw dropped. He sniffed himself again. "Ghouls, I smell fine. I have had a shower, I have dried, I have put on more deodorant and the cologne that your pack picked out for me. The one that you specifically said made me smell nice. How can I smell bad?"
"I'm sorry… You do smell really bad." Mountain winced, his hand twitching to grab the Febreeze from the counter a few feet away.
"I do not!" Copia snapped defensively.
"You really do." Dew groaned, behind the cocoon of his hoodie. Even Aether had covered his own nose and mouth.
"Cirrus…" Copia pleaded, crouching to look her in the eyes. The one ghoul who didn't wear an expression like he'd just rolled in hot garbage. "I don't smell, do I?"
"Um…" She shifted in her seat, gave Cumulus an uncomfortable look. Cumulus shook her head, letting Cirrus deal with this one alone. Cirrus glared at her, her upper lip twitching in a warning snarl, just for a moment. "You… Uhm…" She licked her lips. "You don't smell amazing right now, Cardinal, to tell you the truth." She grimaced.
"Fuck!" Copia growled, standing back up to full height. "What is it, then? What has caused this- this sudden aversion to my smell?"
"Smell weird." Dew supplemented in an almost peurile tone.
"Thank you." He grumbled, the words dripping with sarcasm. "'Smell weird' how?"
"It's hard to explain." Aether huffed, a wince etched on his face from the scent alone. "We don't think it's your cologne. Uh… You usually have a pretty generic smell around you? Like ozone, almost?" He shrugged, dropped his hand to sniff the air, then quickly shook his head in aversion to the scent and clapped his hand back over his nose and mouth. "Sathanas. But now you just smell sweet. Really sweet. Sickly. It, uh. Isn't nice."
"Hot garbage comes to mind." Swiss muttered, and received a slap behind the ears by Rain for that.
"Hot garbage?!" Copia yelped, holding his hand over his chest, as if he was emotionally wounded. "What do I need to do? Do I need to shower, or- or-?"
"It's underneath." Mountain said. "Like this bad scent is woven into every fibre of you. I don't know how long it'll last, but- we really want your normal scent back."
"Hmm." Copia sat down on the edge of the sofa. Rain moved away from him. Thanks. "You say that I have quite a neutral scent usually?" He asked. The ghouls nodded.
"I think it smells like a fresh breeze." Mountain nodded. "It's nice. Nothing like how you smell right now. Sorry."
"And now I smell like…?"
"If a human kit ate their body weight in candy and then threw it all back up." Dew nodded. Now it was his turn to get a quick flick behind the ears by Aether. He hissed at the larger ghoul in response. "What? Just telling the truth."
"You don't have to be such a dick about it." Aether grumbled.
"I smell sweet..." Copia murmured. Then, his eyes widened. "Oh, shit." He breathed. He was up in a second, speedwalking through to the bedroom.
"Told you he'd forgotten deodorant." Swiss scoffed.
Copia was back a moment later, carrying a small black bag, cursing at himself in Italian. "Uomo idiota, come hai potuto dimenticare? Stupido, stupido…" He hissed under his breath, then sat down on the sofa again.
All the ghouls looked at him curiously, but their hands and hoodies and sleeves were still hiding their noses and mouths.
Copia unzipped the bag and dug through it, taking out a small black device, a yellow container, and a pen-looking thing. He placed a paper strip from the bag into the device, then put it to the side. The ghouls were intrigued now.
"What's that?" Cumulus finally chirped.
"Oh, it is, ehhh…" Copia trailed off, uncapping the pen and pressing it into the side of his fingertip. The pen clicked, and Copia withdrew it with a flourish. On the side of his finger was a perfect bead of blood. "It is…"
Rain chirruped, his pupils blowing wide at the sight of the blood just sitting there on Copia's finger, ripe for the taking. He licked his lips, then grumbled as Swiss held him back.
"Ehhh…" It turned out Copia wasn't a good multitasker. He was focused solely on wiping the droplet of blood onto the white card of the device, Cumulus' question going unanswered. He sucked on the tip of his finger as the device flashed, then beeped three times. "Ah, shit…" He whispered.
"What's wrong?" Aether asked. "What is it?"
"Blood sugars." Copia shifted the bag and all its paraphernalia off of his lap and onto the counter. He deposited the tip of the pen in the little yellow bin.
He popped his finger out of his mouth and checked to ensure it had stopped bleeding, then wiped it dry on his leg. "That will be why I smell so terrible to you ghouls." He stood and walked over to the kitchenette, rooting through the minifridge. He came back with a small glass vial with a silver cap.
"I don't get it." Dew said. Like Rain, he, too, was staring at the test strip, saturated in Copia's blood. He wanted to steal it.
"I'm diabetic." Copia gave a small shrug. "Though I don't tend to announce it to the world. Showing weakness is not good when I am climbing the ranks, you know?" He sat down again and started digging through the bag. He brought out a capped syringe and an alcohol pad and lifted his shirt, revealing his soft belly. He ripped open the packaging on the wipe, felt around his stomach for a second, then wiped over the perfect area. "But it is useful for you all to know, since I am in close quarters with you."
"I don't think I've ever seen a diabetic human before." Rain hummed, tipping his head to the side as Copia uncapped the syringe and drew up some of the liquid from the vial into it.
"Seen a few siblings." Dew answered non-committally. He was too busy focusing on what the cardinal was doing. "With needles and blood and stuff. They fucking stink too, now that I think about it."
"Mm, yes, thank you. I was a bit high." Copia nodded to the glucose monitor sat beside him, then tapped the syringe until all of the bubbles escaped it. Then, he turned to the side, hiding himself from the ghouls as he pinched the fat of his belly with one hand and injected himself with the other. He let out a soft hiss, then slowly withdrew the needle. "Done. I should start smelling better soon, I hope."
"That's it?" Cumulus asked, peering around Cirrus as Copia deposited the needle in the container and started to clean up. "How often do you have to do that?"
"Oh, ehhh… Depends. I had a big dinner tonight, but I clearly didn't burn it all off while performing. I'll try harder next time." He chuckled, patting his belly. "I check my blood, eh, five, six times a day? It depends how I am feeling, si?"
"And the injection, do you do that every time?" Cirrus tipped her head to the side like an intrigued puppy. "Can we help?"
"Oh! Ah… I only inject when my sugar is too high. You can probably smell it on my breath, too. Not that I would like to smell my breath, if I were you." Copia tutted, zipping the bag up. "Help? Well, I am pretty well versed in checking my bloods and injecting myself nowadays, but, eh… If you could warn me. When I start smelling bad again. I would appreciate it, si?"
"We can do that." Swiss nodded. He'd stopped covering his nose. "You're already smelling a little better."
"Don't let me get that bad before you make me aware. Though I am offended that you say I smell like 'hot garbage', if you warn me early, I can check and make sure the smell goes away al momento. It will be better for all of us. I won't smell like shit to you, and I won't end up in a hyper."
"We'll prewarn you, Cardinal." Dew nodded, rather seriously for his usually bouncy and stompy ghoul. "Now that you don't smell as bad, you can come cuddle us, if you wanna."
"Ghoul." Copia smiled fondly. "I would enjoy nothing more."
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cindylcuwho · 1 day
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my mental health so far . (this is truly how i feel rn)
its everyday bro with the disney channel flow 5 mil on youtube been six months neva done befo passed all the competition man pewdedie is next man im pumpin all these checks got the brand new rolex and i met a lambo too and im coming with the crew this is team 10 bitch who the hell is flippin who and you know i kick em out if they ain’t with the crew yeah im talking about you you beggin for attention talking shit on twitter too but you still hit my phone last night it was 4:52 and i got the text to prove and all the recordings too don’t make me tell em the truth i feel so alone rn and id feel cringe for posting my sober days of sh (17) but i don’t wanna seem begging for attention and i jus dropped some new merch and they sellin like a god church ohio where im from we chew em like its gum we shootin with a gun the tattoo just for fun i usian bolt and run catch me at game on i cannot be undone jakepaulers number 1
this is from pure memory no google needed
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bonefall · 1 year
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Hi! I just found your Clanmew work last night and I am enamored with it! But I think I was pronouncing everything wrong - I assumed "ss" and "oo" were just long versions of the normal sounds, for example. When I kept reading this morning, I found out "ss" is [ɬ] (I think) and now everything is in question! Could you please help me with pronunciation?
I will be putting up a full pronunciation guide at some point I promise! In it I'm also going to get into banned characters that I never use, and exactly why I banned them
D for example uses a specific tongue movement made for humans and our flexible tongues. Because a cat could never hope to make a "D" in simple speech, I use B and P as the strong consonants
(Also forgive me for not knowing the proper terms for things, I'm actually not an educated linguist LMAO I just like etymology and culture a lot)
Quick and simple guide though:
R = hard R, "Red"
Rr = Rolled, purred.
Note: Russetfur's name is a shibboleth for a human to say. "Rarrlurfaf," you have to stop your roll and start your L quickly. Easy for Clanmew speakers and hard for us.
Y = Open mouth, if you said "yay" in Clanmew it would sound like "YAYE"
Yy = Mumbled, keep mouth closed. If you write "Yayy" it sounds just like English.
Note: Hare = Yywaya, it needs the double Yy at the start until Wa opens your mouth, to open again at the Ya. yy-WHY-YA.
S = normal S. "Snake"
Sh= "Sugar, Shore"
Ss = Welsh double LL, pull tongue back, pass air through sides of mouth.
O = "Ohio, old." A deep, short oh.
Oo = kind of like "boot," but this is more glutteral in a Clanmew accent. Remember the cat who said "ooooaaaaoooh loong john?" Put it in the top of your throat.
U = straightfoward "under, uncle"
E = simple e, "Elephant, error, extra"
Ee = high-pitched e, "Beep, eel, eclipse, email"
B = glutteral grunt, hard to explain. "BRUH" is the closest thing in English, the air comes up from your chest.
P = Blown from the mouth. Unlike English, P is NEVER silent.
Buff/Puff is a good way to demonstrate the difference. Most people don't say it like a real rhyme, they say buff from the chest with a lot of emphasis on "BUff." "Puff" is literally puffed out of your lips.
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daughterofdessalines · 4 months
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Watts was admitted to the hospital twice that week but after waiting in a room for several hours, she returned home. Friday of that week, Watts miscarried in the bathroom of her Warren home. She was 22 weeks and one day pregnant.
Lack of adequate healthcare was at fault here
This is a Black woman being targeted by the notoriously raciststate of Ohio.
America is an oppressive sh*t show…
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goblin-d · 8 months
Note
PLEASE share your funky wttt gender headcanons :D
FDHGFBADJKHSKJ ILOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LVOE YOU /P
anyway.
HC's below the cut (this is a long one boys) [IF YOU HAVE ANY XENO SUGGESTIONS FOR MY BABIES PLEASE SEND THEM TO ME [FOR LITERALLY ANY OF THEM!!!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!]]
Alabama [he/they] - Demiboy Transmasculine
Alaska [he/it/moth/nor/pup/they] - Transmasculine Demigender Xenic (Catcolpuffic, Dogboygender, Drowsygender, Genderblanket, Lulovien, Moosegender, Mothgender, Pawsgender, Plosewial, Remissious, Sleepyleite, Soporcomfic, Sweatermasc, Warmgenderblanket*)
Arizona [he/they] - Libramasculine Transfeminine Boy
Arkansas [he/they] - Nonbinary
California [Any Pronouns] - Transfeminine Genderfluid Demiboygirlthing
Colorado [he/ski/they/cloud/mountain/snow/fluff] - Xenic Trans Man (Ariemonic, Cryobunnic, Cryocattic, Frostmasc, Icestormic)
Connecticut [she/he] - Transfem Man
Delaware [he/him] - Agender
Florida [he/it/they/she/zip/xe] - Pangender Genderweird Xenic (No specifics in mind)
Georgia [he/him] - Genderqueer
Hawai'i [they/she] - Demigirlflux
Idaho [they/he] - Demiboy
Illinois [he/they/xe] - Boything Xenic (No specifics in mind)
Indiana [they/he] - Demiboy
Iowa [he/him] - Cis Male
Kansas [they/he/it] - Genderqueer Femboy
Kentucky [he/him] - Cis Male
Louisiana [he/they] - Demiboy Genderqueer
Maine [Any Pronouns] - Pangender Transfem
Maryland [Any Pronouns] - Trans Woman Xenic (No specifics in mind)
Massachusetts [he/him] - Secret Gender /j [Genderfaun]
Michigan [he/him] - Genderfluid Autigender Xenic (Blaunauic, Chaosgender, Clowngender, Cufemian, Coldgender, Evilclownic, Menacegender, Musegender, Pincusmic, Prettygender, Softqualix)
Minnesota [he/they/she] - Genderfluid Transfeminine Xenic (Amocatix, Anlomeltic, Catgender, Comfnightgender*, Cutegender, Cutehorror, Gorrorhospic, Horrificutegender, Lovelettic, Lunaboy, Magicamoric, Magicattic, Pinkplanetary, Poromantian, Shycatgender, Starcatgirlgender, Verpgoris, AND LITERALLY ANY SLIME RANCHER RELATED XENOGENDER)
Mississippi [he/him] - Cis Male
Missouri [he/they] - Transfem Demiboy
Montana [he/they/it] - Twospirit
Nebraska [he/they/husk] - Deadboy
Nevada [he/it/they/she] - Boyflux Trans Man Xenic (No specifics in mind)
New Hampshire [Any Pronouns] - Girlflux
New Jersey [she/they] - Transfeminine
New Mexico [he/they] - Demiboy
New York [it/she/they] - Agendergirl
North Carolina [Ask Pronouns] - Genderflux
North Dakota [he/they] - Demiboy
Ohio [Ask Pronouns] - Genderfluid Transfem
Oklahoma [he/him] - Questioning
Oregon [he/they] - Boything Genderqueer
Pennsylvania [he/him] - Genderapathetic
Rhode Island [he/she/celeste/taurus/sirius] - Genderqueer Xenic (Genderfuck, Stargender, Staricangel, Tauragender)
South Carolina [he/they] - Transmasc
South Dakota [he/they/she] - Demiboy Demigirl Bigender Xenic (Aterpolillic, Auraunpollic, Cabbagemamesic, Caepolillic, Flapolillic, Greymothic, Mothneut, Nivpolillic, Primrosemothic, Rubpolillic, Viripolillic (etc.))
Tennessee [they/he] - Demimasculine
Texas [she/xe] - Trans Woman (no xenos but she is a wolf therian BECAUSE I SAY SO)
Utah [he/him] - Cis Male
Vermont [he/him] - Trans Man
Virginia [it/its] - Trans Woman
Washington [he/they/moth] - Transmasculine Demiboy
West Virginia [he/they/moth/night/dark] - Demimasculine Xenic (Mothmangender )
Wisconsin [he/him] - Cis Male
Wyoming [they/them] - Nonbinary Twospirit
and bonus non-states because i want to!!!
DC [he/him] - Trans Man
District of Columbia [Ask Pronouns] - Genderfluid
CDC [ey/they/he] - Xenic Trans Man (Cleancoric, Rosamistica, Strawblainberic)
Government [Any Pronouns] - Agender
IDC [sh*/h*r] - Cis Female Xenic (Galaxyfeminine, Narcfem)
National Guard [he/him] - Cis Male
anyway thank you for reading i love you all so much <3 /p
\* can't find the source but i have the flag :sob:
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qqueenofhades · 1 year
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I'm waiting for the day people realize many "socialist" endeavors would not, in fact, tank the economy or drive up the deficit. Take housing. Even if the government did something asinine like buy a 100k house for every homeless person--instead of, like, invest in affordable housing or something reasonable--that'd only be around $55 billion dollars spent! Just slash the US military budget from the 800 billion it currently is down to 750 billion and boom! Money! Take it down to 700 billion (1)
2) and you'd pay for free college as well. (For a source on the college claim, see: this forbes article whining about how it'd cost a ~horrifying~ 47 billion for Biden to enact free college for people making less than 125k forbes(.)com/sites/robertberger/2020/09/04/the-surprising-cost-of-bidens-free-college-tuition-plan/?sh=688bf7396f7f ) Tax the wealthy and we'd raise the money for healthcare. We HAVE the money to improve things. We simply choose not to.
Well... yeah. Of course there's money. Of course there is. It's just that the current economic/late-stage capitalist system has decided that it's better off being locked away by a tiny handful of unimaginably greedy billionaires in order to make them even richer, rather than being equitably redistributed to solve social problems. They have also very successfully convinced the public, for upward of 40 years, that it's actually better to let the billionaires keep those fortunes, all taxation and government is evil, it's immoral to want or expect financial help or justice from said government, if you can't work hard enough to make your own money than you have a personally deficient character, structural and systemic racism/discrimination isn't real and doesn't affect wealth distribution, and etc., etc., etc.
Late-stage capitalism depends on enforced scarcity: if you don't have enough, you'll keep working in whatever shitty job you can get. The Republicans have often cited the tired old Reaganite myth about how welfare recipients are just "lazy" and can't be bothered to Pull Themselves Out of Poverty, and besides, the corporate world doesn't want to be deprived of its control over the working population. So of course they resist any efforts to tax or regulate billionaires or corporations, and they engage in (again, sadly very successful) lobbying campaigns to tie this economic libertarianism to social conservatism/conservative populism/outright racial/white supremacist rhetoric. So plenty of working-class white people consistently vote against their own economic interests, because they like racism more than anything else. See the recent attempt to claim that the Ohio train derailment happened because poor, rural white people were "left out/overlooked by the evil Democratic government for being white!!!" Or the narrative, helpfully pushed by the NYT (as usual), that these towns are "forgotten," "left behind," or otherwise "ignored" by an uncaring federal (read: Democratic) government.
Except... the Democrats under Biden have enacted more legislation, tax credits, infrastructure projects, job opportunities, and so forth, in the last two years alone, intended to help the residents of places just like East Palestine, Ohio, than the Republicans have ever done in all their presidential administrations. It's the Republicans who have starved those places of proper funding, safety regulations, material resources, government oversight, and so on, while telling them that Democrats hate them because they're white. The voters of those places have often enthusiastically voted for that message, and then the national GOP apparatus blames.... the Democrats. Because of course they do, even though the Democrats, by any metric, are the party who actually materially tries to help the working class. Racism, Reaganism, and white grievance is a helluva drug.
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Steve Cousineau
* * * *
The weekend review: A tale of two speeches.
March 18, 2024
ROBERT B. HUBBELL
Democrats cannot rely on Republicans to defeat themselves in 2024, but Trump and the GOP are doing their best to set their party aflame. They stand on a burning platform and are dousing the flames with gasoline. It is a bonfire of ugliness and self-immolation that further weakens the GOP each day. Their chaos doesn’t make our job any easier, but it does make their job more difficult. Remember that fact next time you worry about the passionate but principled disagreements among Democrats.
Trump gave a speech near Dayton, Ohio over the weekend that was unhinged, dangerous, threatening, vulgar, and inflammatory. Trump's speech is drawing nearly universal condemnation from major media outlets and forced his campaign to issue “clean-up” statements that attempted defend indefensible statements by denying the plain meaning of Trump's words.
I will turn to Trump's speech in a moment, but it is important to focus on the comparison to President Biden’s speech over the weekend. Biden delivered a short address at an event for the press and White House staff at the Gridiron Club in Washington, D.C. The annual event brings the press and administration officials together for a night of pointed comedy mixed with serious talk about the state of the media in America. As expected, Biden gave a speech that was funny and self-deprecating. It was well received. See Factbase, Transcript | The President Addresses a Gridiron Club Dinner in Washington - March 16, 2024.
But Biden also addressed the serious issue of the role of the press in a free society. Biden said,
Folks, every single one of us has a role to play in making sure American democracy endures. This year, you, the free press, have a bigger role than ever. Let me state the obvious. You're not the enemy of the people. You are a pillar of any free society. And I may not always agree with your coverage or admire it, but I do admire your courage. Good journalism holds a mirror up to a country for us to reflect the good, the bad, the truth about who we are. This is not hyperbole: We need you. Democracy is at risk, and the American people need to know. In fractured times, they need context and a perspective. They need substance to match the enormity of the task. As a result, the choices you make really matter. And each story you [write] makes democracy stronger. I know it's possible because I know the American story. We're a great nation. We're good people, defined by core values of honesty, decency, dignity, light over darkness, courage over fear, and truth over lies. These are also the bedrock principles of good journalism. So, tonight, I'd like to toast the free press and toast to the American people and the enduring causes of democracy and freedom.
Biden’s comments praising and honoring the press were a class act coming from a guy who has been badly mistreated by the press for the last year. But “class act” is vintage Biden.
In contrast, in Ohio, Trump predicted that there would be a “bloodbath” if he lost the 2024 election, said that immigrants “are not people [and] in some cases they are animals,” repeatedly referred to President Biden as “that son-of-a . . . .”, said he did “not give a sh*t” about Republicans who don’t support him, referred to California Governor Gavin Newsom and “New Scum,” and made a vulgar comment about Fulton County D.A. Fani Willis. Otherwise, the 90-minute speech was disjointed and incomprehensible to those not steeped in MAGA conspiracy theories. See NYTimes, Trump Says Some Migrants Are ‘Not People’ and Predicts a ‘Blood Bath’ if He Loses. (This article is accessible to all.)
A Trump campaign staff person claimed that the “bloodbath” comment was meant to convey the effect of a Biden victory on the auto industry. (See the Times article above.) While it is true that the comment took place in the context of a discussion of the auto industry, the statement about a “bloodbath” was not qualified or limited in any way. Trump said there would be a bloodbath if he lost. Period. Full stop.
It was vintage Trump—oblique statements alluding to violence shrouded in plausible deniability. But Trump's followers are not steeped in nuance or subtlety. They hear “bloodbath”, and they think “violence.” That is why major media has not bought the Trump campaign’s attempt to twist the meaning and limit the damage from Trump's call to violence.
But for all the attention that Trump's “bloodbath” comment has received, another aspect of Trump's Dayton rally was more disturbing and unsettling. Trump began the speech by playing the desecrated version of the National Anthem that he recorded with January 6 convicted felons serving prison time.
As the bastardized song begins, a recorded voice says, “Please rise for the horribly and unfairly treated January 6 hostages.” The recorded voice then refers to the January 6 defendants as “unbelievable patriots.” During Trump's speech, he effectively promised to grant the January 6 defendants pardons.
There is nothing subtle about Trump's messaging. By calling for a “bloodbath” and referring to the January 6 defendants as “patriots” who will be pardoned, Trump is creating a permission structure for another violent insurrection. That’s the real story—and one that deserves to be highlighted every day between now and November 5, 2024.
That truth will become clearer each time Trump gives another campaign speech. He can’t help himself. He telegraphs what he is thinking and plotting. We should believe him. And so should that portion of corporate America that continues to support Trump.
The good news is that insurrection is not in the best interests of the institutions that are currently propping up Trump in a perverted love-hate relationship. Markets thrive on stability, not violence and insurrection. Corporate America understands that better than anyone.
But it gets worse.
Within twenty-four hours of Trump's call for a “bloodbath,” he called for the imprisonment of former Rep. Liz Cheney and the other members of the January 6 Committee. See Newsweek, Donald Trump Wants His Top Republican Critic Jailed.
So—Trump is calling for a second insurrection and prosecution of the current and former congressional representatives on the January 6 Committee. It doesn’t get any less subtle than that. Even Trump's least intuitive followers understand what Trump is saying.
As Trump is becoming more explicit in his dictatorial aspirations, he is also deteriorating cognitively. Last week, I cited a New Yorker article by Susan Glasser entitled, I Listened to Trump’s Rambling, Unhinged, Vituperative Georgia Rally—and So Should You. The New Yorker article is behind a paywall, so you may not have been able to read it. But Ali Velshi interviewed Susan Glasser on MSNBC and covered the substance of the article—so you can listen to Glasser discuss her observations about Trump. The interview is here. See MSNBC, You need to see how much worse Trump is now: Glasser.
In short, we have an aspiring dictator in cognitive decline who is telling us what his strongman fantasies are. As Bill Clinton would have said, “That dog won’t hunt.” We should be able to leverage those weaknesses to our advantage. They are scary, yes. But a disciplined response should allow us to convert Trump's increasing mania to our benefit—in part, by convincing persuadable independents and disaffected Republicans that the unhinged candidate they see on the campaign trail is unfit to govern this great nation again.
This leaves only the strongman fantasies of Trump's followers. Their loyalty to Trump makes sense only if he is their strongman, as Professor Timothy Snyder explains on his Substack blog, Thinking About. . . . The Strongman Fantasy.
As Professor Snyder writes,
Strongman rule is a fantasy. Essential to it is the idea that a strongman will be your strongman. He won't. In a democracy, elected representatives listen to constituents. We take this for granted, and imagine that a dictator would owe us something.  But the vote you cast for him affirms your irrelevance. The whole point is that the strongman owes us nothing. We get abused and we get used to it. 
There is probably little we can do to convince Trump's most cultish followers that Trump sees their support only as transactional and expendable. But Trump will continue to repulse portions of his remaining constituency by calling immigrants “animals,” praising thugs who killed police officers on January 6, mocking the disabled, calling soldiers “losers and suckers,” and desecrating the Christian principles that serve as the faith foundation for a majority of his supporters.
As I said at the top, we can’t count on Trump to defeat himself. But we should recognize that he is a weak candidate stranded on a burning platform, and he is acting as the chief arsonist. Every new voter we register and turn out to the polls will help build an insurmountable margin as Trump's former supporters at the margins reevaluate their past support for Trump. That is the only advantage we need in a closely matched election. We can make that happen—we already are!
[Robert B. Hubbell Newsletter]
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sleepdeprivedsimp234 · 9 months
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I want loui angst. but like. ANGST angst. i need some. please. /silly
Ohohoho you dumb silly fool..../j/aff/silly
(TW for râpe, abuse possible sewerslide and war)
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-so it's pretty much agreed that France was a sh*tty father right? Yea. He would literally do ANYTHING in his power to hurt Louisiana, for seemingly no reason at all other than pleasure. He r4ped him, beat him, and yelled at him for pretty much nothing. And even through all of this, Loui still loves his father.
-Unfortunately, it was always those that Loui loved most that hurt him the worst.
-during one of the many wars that Loui fought in, he got shot in the neck and nearly beheaded. He laid half-dead in the battlefield for nearly 2 days before waking up to find severe neck pain, but the wound had stitched itself back together, leaving nothing but a scar.
-during the Civil War, he attempted to convince Confederate that maybe that wasn't the way to go, and that maybe they should just surrender to prevent any more losses of their people. Keyword "attempted". Cuz Confederate proceeded to nearly beat this kid to death, only stopping when he was called away. And Louisiana was left there bleeding out until he was found by the Union, and then he rejoined the Union. (I don't give a damn if this ain't historically accurate lol-)
-one time, some of the states were having a kind of group therapy session, and Loui ended up telling the other's about his past when he was owned by France. And then suddenly it made a lot more sense to the OG13 (and Kentucky, Tennessee, Vermont, and Ohio) as to why Loui was so terrified (besides barely knowing any of them) and refused to be touched.
-when Loui is upset, it is probably the saddest thing ever. Cuz ain't nobody want to see him sad. And it varies from him being completely silent as tears rolling down his face, or him shouting in cursing in both French and English whilst crying. It's both sad and terrifying.
-loui used to smoke A LOT, but started to stop once his loved ones got concerned about it. He still smokes from time to time, but not nearly as much as he used to.
-when some of the other southern states (*cough cough* Alabama and Tennessee *cough cough*) found out that Loui did witchcraft and was essentially a warlock, they made fun of him constantly. And one time, in the middle of hurricane season, he slipped away from them and didn't come back for a few days. Tho the only reason he came back was because Florida, Texas, and Georgia all went looking for him and found him passed out sick in an alleyway due to a hurricane. Yea Bama' and Tenn' sure got a firm talking to by Texas and Georgia.
-Loui could be bleeding out and practically torn to shreds and he would still fight for those he loved to keep them safe.
-a few times, Loui has definitely tried to kill himself. And a few times he succeeded. One time tho, he wasn't really trying to kill himself, but he got into a really bad fight and ended up losing. He ended up not calling for help seeing as he felt as if he had failed and just allowed himself to bleed out.
-Loui absolutely hates it when people fusses over him, and Florida has had to reassure him that it was okay to breakdown sometimes. But ofc, Loui didn't believe that (despite him also telling others that it was perfectly fine to cry-). So there have been many times when Florida finds Loui curled up crying and Loui noticing him and wiping his tears away and trying to stop crying. So Florida just takes him in his arms and holds him as he cries and tells him that it's all gonna be okay among other sweet and kind reassuring words. Loui is so grateful for that <3
-after Loui told the story of his past, he was all like-"But it really ain't that big a deal tho lmao" and was confused when all the other states in the room were either looking down or looking lowkey horrified. And he was even more confused when ALASKA of all people came up and hugged him tight (tho he didn't complain tho, it felt nice-)
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I just saw Heathers for the first time!!
This is basically my review / first impressions I guess???? This was my first ever experience with Heathers, besides knowing a) traffic light girls, b) slushies and c) edgy guy has a bomb, I went in completely blind. There will be spoilers ahead btw.
I loved it!! Unfortunately there weren't any programs left so idk any of the cast but I do know that Eleanor Walsh played Veronica and she was absolutely amazing. She was really funny and she was an incredible singer. All of the performers were obviously great, I just felt like as the lead she deserved a special shout-out. Also the guy playing JD (idk who he was, sorry man) did such a good job at being pathetic and creepy. Even before he was evil, I could not STAND him he was an incel 100%.
I don't really have a favourite song or character to talk about yet so I'm just gonna list my thoughts and some stand-out moments.
Whenever people screamed at the beginning of a song I knew sh*t was about to get good
In the intermission my cousin described JD as an earwig and I've never laughed harder. Bullying JD is my new favourite hobby
I feel so bad for Heather McNamara but she is kind of a really bad person
When Heather Duke did her costume change I actually screamed
Kurt and Ram are objectively horrible people but also so f*cking funny
When Heather Chandler said the "well f*ck me gently with a chainsaw" the audience screamed
I was high up at the back so I had little plastic opera glasses. I put down the glasses for Dead Girl Walking because I wanted to be as far away from that whole thing as possible
The choreography for Big Fun looked so fun to dance to
"Too late he got in" gave me actual chills
I cried laughing twice - at Kurt and Ram getting beat up in slow motion and Dead Gay Son. The choreography of the kids on the benches and the reveal of the dads were hilarious
Ms Fleming did the splits while singing and it was really cool
You could've heard a pin drop when Martha stared at the railing
I thought Veronica was actually dead :(
Seventeen at the end made me emotional
Only in Ohio
Uh yeah, it was great! The music slapped, not just the songs but the score too. The choreography and dialogue are both really funny, I thoroughly enjoyed it!!
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