I randomly remembered how Janeway read all those romance novels and the crew were like awww that's kinda cute, when Tom was making his holonovels people generally ended up participating and being like okay good stuff man, but when B'Elanna read a Klingon novel she was made fun of! It makes my blood boil every time I remember how the crew and especially Tom treated her for having a soft side just because she was expected to be this easily irritable and violent person for her Klingon side.

So I think this is a good general observation, because I totally agree that traits that in other characters would be seen as endearing or even aspirational (like being unwilling to take disrespect in silence) suddenly become a problem when B'Elanna displays them. But this particular example kind of stumped me, I have to admit.

I assume here you're referring to the scene in “Real Life” where Tom finds B'Elanna reading in the Mess Hall? If that's what you mean, I... did not interpret it the same way as you do here. Tom and B'Elanna are flirting throughout the exchange they have about the romance novel, and while I don't exactly love the way Tom goes about it (don't snatch books from other people's hands damn) it is a bit of a trope and to me it looks like something straight out of some high school movie.

PARIS: A beautiful woman should never have to eat alone. What are you reading? TORRES: It's nothing important. PARIS: Women Warriors at the River of Blood? TORRES: It's just escapist reading. PARIS: Rork turned his fierce eye upon her, and B'Neah felt her heart begin to quicken, even as her hand went to her dagger. She had intended to plunge it into his throat, but something about him made her hesitate. B'Elanna, is this a Klingon Romance novel? TORRES: Klingons do have what you might call a romantic side. It's a bit more vigorous than most. PARIS: I think I'll read it. Maybe it'll give me some ideas how to make your heart quicken. TORRES: It's not a technical manual, Tom. PARIS: Well, that depends what you mean by technical. TORRES: To an engineer, that means specialising in particular systems. PARIS: I think that definition works. TORRES: But I can't promise I won't put a dagger in your throat.

It's so dorky lol (it's actually one of the few interactions between them I don't hate). It's true that Tom is goading her a little, but he seems more surprised than judgemental, and when I look at how B'Elanna acts in the scene she's more flustered at being found out than annoyed to me, and kind of coy about Tom's reaction.

(screencap from trekcore.com)

I can see your point that this scene is still part of a trend that tends to dismiss B'Elanna's preferences, but imho it doesn't quite have the same connotations. Tom here is displaying a sensibility that in future seasons he'll have completely lost when it comes to B'Elanna. I kind of wish he'd kept the flirty but open attitude he had before they got together and he started taking B'Elanna for granted, I wouldn't hate this pairing if he had tbh!