#sales development representative
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#adaptability to change#business development#business development goals#business development jobs#Business Development Manager#business development metrics#business development skills#business development strategy#business development vs sales#business growth#collaboration between business development and sales#collaboration in business development#corporate development director#customer engagement#customer insights#digital business development specialist#independence in sales#JobsBuster blogpost#JobsBuster post#lead conversion#market research#maximizing business growth#partnership manager#revenue generation#risk resilience in business development#risk tolerance in sales#sales#sales development representative#sales goals#sales metrics
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Cold emails
Creating An Effective Sales Cadence: Tips And Best Practices For SDR Success
A well-planned sales strategy is really important for people trying to find potential customers. It's a strategic and systematic approach for a Sales development representative (SDR) to engaging with potential customers, using various communication channels like email, phone calls, social media, and even direct mail.
In this article, we'll understand the key elements of creating an effective sales cadence to drive your SDR team toward success.
Understanding Your Audience:
The first step in building a successful sales cadence is understanding your ideal customer profile (ICP).
Who are your potential customers, and what are their needs? Knowing your audience is crucial because it allows you to tailor your communication strategy to their preferences and pain points.
Timing Is Everything:
Timing plays a critical role in sales cadence. You must consider the best times and days to reach out to your prospects. Different industries and individuals may respond better at specific times. For instance, reaching out to a B2B prospect during their lunch break might be more effective than during peak work hours.
Effective Channels And Personalization:
Once you've identified your target audience and the right timing, it's time to choose the most effective communication channels.
While cold emails, phone calls, LinkedIn, and direct mail are popular choices, you should select the ones that resonate most with your audience.
Personalization is key; prospects are more likely to engage when they feel you've tailored your message to their needs.
Mapping Out Your Cadence:
Now, let's map out the steps in your sales cadence. It involves defining the sequence of interactions with your prospects. For example:
• Email: Send an introductory email on Day 1.
• Phone Call: Follow up with a phone call on Day 3.
• LinkedIn: Connect on LinkedIn and send a personalized message on Day 5.
• Direct Mail: Consider sending a direct mail piece on Day 7 to make a memorable impression.
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Utilizing Technology And Tools:
Sales technology and tools can significantly enhance your sales cadence. Customer Relationship Management (CRM) systems help track and automate the cadence, ensuring consistent follow-ups.
Sales engagement software provides SDRs valuable content and resources to share with prospects, adding value to their interactions.
Measuring Success:
To gauge the effectiveness of your sales cadence, you need to track key performance indicators (KPIs). Metrics like open, response, and conversion rates provide valuable insights into what's working and needs improvement. Regularly analyze these metrics to refine your strategy.
Adaptability And Continuous Improvement:
Remember, a successful sales cadence isn't static; it's dynamic and adaptable. The market and prospect behavior change, and so should your approach.
Encourage feedback from your SDR team and be open to making adjustments based on their experiences and insights.
Conclusion:
Nowadays, creating an effective sales cadence is like crafting a symphony. It requires careful planning, the right instruments (channels), and a commitment to continuous improvement.
By understanding your audience, perfecting your timing, personalizing your messages, and leveraging technology, you can build a sales cadence that harmonizes with your prospects and drives SDR success.
Contact Sales development representative today and let us help you using Sales engagement software that will help you better manage your SDRs and optimize their performance.
#Sales development representative#Sales cadenc#Cold emails#SDR Team#Sales engagement software#rwby#Youtube
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The role of a Sales Development Representative (SDR) has become more crucial than ever. SDRs are the unsung heroes of the sales world, working tirelessly behind the scenes to generate leads that fuel the growth of businesses.
In this blog, we will embark on a journey to explore the fascinating world of lead generation from the perspective of SDRs.
Role of SDRs in Lead Generation?
Lead generation is the process of identifying and cultivating potential customers for a business's products or services. It's the first step in the sales funnel and often the most challenging one. Without a steady stream of qualified leads, a sales team would be left aimlessly wandering in the wilderness.
The role of an SDR is to take the raw materials of potential leads and shape them into valuable prospects. They are responsible for initiating the conversation, gauging interest, and passing the torch to the sales team once a lead is deemed sales-ready. It's a delicate dance that requires finesse, persistence, and a deep understanding of both the product and the target audience.
#Lead Generation#Sales Development Representative#SDR#Ideal Customer Profile#Multichannel Outreach#leadqualification#Nurturing Leads#Technology#Communication Skills#Relationship Building#Personalization#Feedback#Collaboration.
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Unleash your SALES potential
Introduction:
In the fast-paced world of business, the role of a sales professional is more vital than ever. Whether you're just starting out or looking to enhance your sales skills, this blog post is here to guide you on your journey to becoming a top-notch sales professional. From developing strong communication skills to staying motivated, we'll explore the key elements that can help you excel in the competitive landscape of sales.
The Power of Effective Communication:
Sales professionals are essentially the face of their business. To succeed in this role, mastering effective communication skills is crucial. From active listening to persuasive speaking, honing your ability to connect with potential customers is key. Remember, it's not just about selling a product or service—it's about building trust and establishing long-lasting relationships.
Product Knowledge: Know Your Stuff:
To be a successful sales professional, you must have an in-depth understanding of the product or service you're selling. Knowing your product's features, benefits, and competitive advantages will give you the confidence to address customer concerns and objections effectively. Continuously educating yourself about industry trends and staying up to date with market demands will keep you one step ahead of the competition.
Mastering the Art of Negotiation:
Negotiation is an art that every sales professional should strive to master. Being able to find common ground, overcome objections, and close deals requires a combination of effective communication, empathy, and flexibility. By understanding the needs and motivations of your customers, you'll be better equipped to find mutually beneficial solutions that satisfy both parties.
Building and Nurturing Relationships:
Great sales professionals understand the value of building strong relationships with their customers. Investing time and effort into understanding your customers' needs and providing exceptional service will enable you to establish a loyal customer base. Remember, it's not just about making a sale—it's about creating advocates for your brand who will promote your products and services to their network.
Staying Motivated and Focused:
Working in sales can be demanding, and rejection is inevitable. To stay motivated and focused, it's important to set clear goals and visualize your success. Celebrate even small victories, and don't let setbacks discourage you. Stay resilient, constantly learn from experiences, and surround yourself with positive influences to maintain a growth mindset.
Conclusion:
Becoming a successful sales professional requires continuous learning, adaptability, and a commitment to excellence. By mastering effective communication, product knowledge, negotiation skills, relationship building, and staying motivated, you'll be well on your way to achieving your sales goals. Remember, success in sales is not just about closing deals but about building long-lasting partnerships and making a positive impact.
So, are you ready to unleash your sales potential? Embrace the challenges, adopt a growth mindset, and excel in the art of being a successful sales professional.
Micaelo Duran
#sales#professional#marketing#sdr2#salesdevelopmentrepresentative#business development#business development representative#Account executive#Salesspecialist#Micaelo Duran
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working as sales girl in a clothing store has made me a menace when it comes to unlimited charismatic power btw. not only am i now the type of person to randomly chat w strangers. i’m the one to INITIATE the conversation. im twenty nine years old and think im finally settling more comfortably into myself
#not just who i am but who i COULD be? abt 2 months into the job everyones thrilled & willing to invest further training to develop my skills#doing the teacher training made me professional and assertive in representing myself as an individual at social meetups#being a sales girl fr a store thats big on personal connection while assisting and putting customers at ease has added the chatty warmth#im now the type of person to comment on what i do what you do what we both are seeing or to voice what im thinking. i will speak UP ok hi!!
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#virtual assistants#hiring a virtual assistant#Remote Sales Development Representative in Long Island
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Outsourced Sales development Representatives offers a cost-effective solution for businesses. It eliminates the need for recruiting, training, and managing an in-house team, resulting in significant savings. Businesses can redirect funds previously allocated for salaries, benefits, office space, and equipment toward other essential areas, driving cost-efficiency and growth.
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With the sudden collapse of the Soviet Union in the early 1990s, many of the former empire's resources were sold off to the highest bidder, and their $14 billion space shuttle program was no exception.
Seeking to recoup some of that eyewatering spend, in 1998, the "Buran" (Russia's answer to the American Space Shuttle) was offered up for sale on eBay for $10 million.
No serious offers were received - with most people assuming the listing to be a joke, until the New York Post confirmed the sale, with Russian authorities stating they "actually have two" if anyone is interested.
(Pictured: A later auction of a smaller scale Buran in 2005)
Sensing an opportunity, a group of Aussie entrepreneurs including Australia's first astronaut and the lawyer for Prime Minister Paul Keating offer to lease the shuttle from Russia, to put it on display in Australia during the Sydney Olympics.
After gaining permission from the Kremlin for the lease, in 1999 the Russian military briefly stops bombing Chechnya in order to dismantle the Buran, and it is placed on a barge to be shipped to Sydney on the (soon to be infamous for other reasons) Tampa shipping vessel at a cost of $5 million.
Once in Sydney, after a disastrous few months on display where crowds failed to flock to the shuttle exhibition featuring such compelling educational offerings as "activities is to assist in the development of issues of nutrition and hygiene at home" (an actual quote from their website) - the leasing company declared bankruptcy and washed their hands of the space shuttle completely.
The Buran Gift shop where you could buy soviet space ship themed football jerseys, in case you needed one of those
One of four people listed on the lease, described as a business partner of the Prime Minister, also claims he never knew he was a director of the company, which went on to cause a lot more problems.
This whole debacle presented a slight issue for the cash strapped Russian authorities, who had now only been paid $100,000 for the 9 year lease of the shuttle instead of the $600,000 they were owed. Eventually the decision was made to abandon the once $1 billion Soviet pride and joy in a Sydney carpark, where it resided for a year under a small tarpaulin.
Failed attempts to be rid of the shuttle included a 12 day auction hosted by an LA radio station, where listeners were offered the chance to buy the shuttle for $6 million, however all bids turned out to be pranks and the shuttle remained.
Multiple attempts were also made to sell the shuttle to Tom Cruise, with the exacerbated movie star's representatives repeatedly telling the insistent traders that he was not interested in owning a Russian spaceship.
Eventually a Singaporean group dismantled the shuttle and shipped it overseas, however Russian authorities soon reported they once again had been failed to be paid for the lease. Singaporean representatives responded that they definitely had paid for the shuttle, and that they simply couldn't remember when or how much was paid.
Representing the Russian government, Lawyer Suhaila Turani told the Wall Street Journal “I feel sorry for the Russians. They’re good in space, but they’re very naive in business.”
For a time the shuttle was abandoned in the storage yard of event company Pico, with the company owner telling the Wall Street Journal "I just want this thing out of my life" after three years of being stuck with it.
A few years later the shuttle was found by German journalists dismantled in a junkyard, and it was then bought and shipped to Germany to be put on display a museum, so all's well that ends well (except they dropped it from a crane while trying to set it up, but it polished up okay).
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Sales Development Representative
Source: LinkedIn
Job Category: Sales & Business Development Jobs
Job Title: Sales Development Representative
Job Role : Full Time
Salary: As per industry
Apply Now :
Sales Development Representative
Browse More Jobs
#Sales #Business #Development #jobs #India
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Sales cadence
Choosing The Right Sales Engagement Software- What You Need To Know?
In today's fast-paced business environment, the success of any sales team hinges on its ability to engage with prospects effectively. Sales engagement software has become an indispensable tool for achieving this goal.
With plenty of options available, selecting the right sales engagement software can be a daunting task.
This blog post will guide you through the crucial factors to consider when choosing the right sales engagement software for your SDR Team.
Define Your Objectives
Before diving into the world of sales engagement software, it's essential to define your objectives clearly.
• What are your sales goals?
• What do you want to accomplish using the software?
Identifying your specific needs will help you narrow your options and find a solution that aligns with your business goals.
Evaluate Integration Capabilities
Efficiency is vital in sales, and software seamlessly integrates with your existing tools is crucial.
Look for sales engagement software that can integrate with your CRM system, email platform, and other essential business software.
This integration will enable a smoother workflows and a more comprehensive view of your sales processes.
User-Friendly Interface
Your sales team's productivity heavily depends on the software's ease of use. A user-friendly interface is essential for onboarding new team members quickly and ensuring that the software doesn't hinder their success.
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Customization Options
Every sales team is unique, and your software should reflect that. Seek a solution offering customization options, allowing you to tailor it to your needs. It might include creating custom templates, sales cadence , or automation rules to match your sales processes.
Analytics And Reporting
Data-driven decision-making is the cornerstone of modern sales. Ensure that your sales engagement software offers robust analytics and reporting features.
You should be able to track key performance metrics, monitor the effectiveness of your sales outreach, and make data-backed adjustments to your strategies.
Scalability
Your business will likely grow, and your software should grow with it. Choose a solution that can scale seamlessly as your sales team expands. It avoids the headache of having to switch software as your needs evolve.
Training And Support
Excellent customer support and training resources are essential when implementing new software.
Look for a vendor that provides comprehensive training materials, webinars, and responsive customer support to assist your team in adopting the software effectively.
Budget Considerations
Lastly, your budget significantly influences selecting the right sales engagement software.
Evaluate the pricing models and subscription plans offered by different vendors. Ensure that the software's cost aligns with the value it brings to your sales team.
Conclusion
Selecting the right sales engagement software is a critical decision that can significantly impact your Sales development representative team's success.
By defining your objectives, evaluating integration capabilities, prioritizing user-friendliness, customization, analytics, and scalability, and considering budget constraints, you'll be well-prepared to make an informed choice.
Remember that the right software can streamline your sales processes, boost productivity, and ultimately increase revenue. To learn more about Cold emails, visit our website.
Contact Cold emails today and let us help you using Sales engagement software that will help you better manage your SDRs and optimize their performance.
#Sales development representative#Sales cadenc#Cold emails#SDR Team#Sales engagement software#Youtube
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On Boxing Day pro-Palestine demonstrators met customers at the Zara sale in the Westfield shopping centre, in Stratford, east London. They were not there to wish them the compliments of the season.
‘Bombs are dropping while you’re shopping,’ they chanted, as police stood by to make sure the protests did not turn violent. ‘Zara is enabling genocide,’ their placards read.
Quite what they wanted bargain hunters to do about the Israeli forces bombing the Gaza Strip, they never said. Lobby their MPs? Politicians are on their Christmas holidays. Join the Palestinian armed struggle? It was unclear whether the shopping centre had a Hamas recruitment office.
But on one point the demonstrators were certain: no one should be buying from Zara. Even though the fashion chain has not encouraged Israel’s war against Hamas, earned income from it, or supported Israel in any material way, it was nevertheless “exploiting a genocide and commodifying Palestine's pain for profit”.
Zara, in short, has become the object of a paranoid fantasy: a QAnon conspiracy theory for the postcolonial left.
The Zara conspiracy is an entirely modern phenomenon. It has no original author. Antisemitic Russians sat down and wrote the Protocols of the Elders of Zion in the early 20th century. There was an actual “Q” behind the QAnon conspiracy: a far-right activist who first appeared on 4chan message boards in 2017 to claim that a cabal of child abusers was conspiring against Donald Trump.
The Zara conspiracy was mass produced by social media users: an example of the madness of crowds rather than their supposed wisdom. The cause of the descent into hysteria was bizarre.
In early December Zara launched an advertising campaign featuring the model Kristen McMenamy wearing its latest collection in a sculptor’s studio. It clearly was a studio, by the way, and not a war zone in southern Israel or Gaza. McMenamy carried a mannequin wrapped in white fabric. The cry went up that the Spanish company was exploiting the suffering of Palestinians and that the mannequin was meant to represent a victim of Israeli aggression wrapped in a shroud.
The accusation was insane. No one in the photo shoot resembled a soldier or a casualty of war. Anyone who thought for 30 seconds before resorting to social media would have known that global brands plan their advertising campaigns months in advance.
Zara said the campaign presented “a series of images of unfinished sculptures in a sculptor’s studio and was created with the sole purpose of showcasing craft-made garments in an artistic context”. The idea for the studio setting was conceived in July. The photo shoot was in September, weeks before the Hamas assault on Israel on 7 October.
No one cared. Melanie Elturk, the CEO of fashion brand Haute Hijab, said of the campaign, ‘this is sick. What kind of sick, twisted, and sadistic images am I looking at?’ #BoycottZara trended on Twitter, as users said that Zara was ‘utterly shameful and disgraceful”’.
To justify their condemnations, activists developed ever-weirder theories. A piece of cardboard in the photoshoot was meant to be a map of Israel/Palestine turned upside down. Because a Zara executive had once invited an extreme right-wing Israeli politician to a meeting, the whole company was damned.
Astonishingly, or maybe not so astonishingly to anyone who follows online manias, the fake accusations worked. Zara stores in Glasgow, Toronto. Hanover, Melbourne and Amsterdam were targeted.
What on earth could Zara do? PR specialists normally say that the worst type of apology is the non-apology apology, when a public figure or institution shows no remorse, but instead says that they are sorry that people are offended. Yet Zara had not sought to trivialize or profit from the war so what else could it do but offer a non-apology apology? The company duly said it was sorry that people were upset.
“Unfortunately, some customers felt offended by these images, which have now been removed, and saw in them something far from what was intended when they were created,” it said on 13 December, and pulled the advertising campaign
That was two-weeks ago and yet still the protests in Zara stores continue. On 23 December activists targeted Zara on Oxford Street chanting , 'Zara, Zara, you can't hide, stop supporting genocide', even though Zara was not, in fact, supporting genocide. On Boxing Day, they were at the Stratford shopping centre.
Zara has apologised for an offence it did not commit. There is no way that any serious person can believe the charges against it. And yet believe them the protestors do. Or at the very least they pretend to believe for the sake of keeping in with their allies.
Maybe nothing will come of the protests. One could have argued in 2017, after all, that QAnon was essentially simple-minded people living out their fantasies online. Certainly, every sane American knew that there was no clique of paedophiles running the Democrat party, but where was the harm in the conspiracy theory?
Then QAnon supporters stormed the US capitol in January 2021. Will the same story play out from the Gaza protests? As far as I can tell, no one on the left is challenging the paranoia. I have yet to see the fact-checkers of the BBC and Channel 4 warning about the fake news on the left with anything like the gusto with which they treat its counterparts on the right.
To be fair, the scale of disinformation around the Gaza war is off the charts, and it is impossible to chase down every lie. But when fake news goes from online fantasies to real world protests, from 4chan to the Capitol, from Twitter to the Westfield shopping centre, it’s worth taking notice.
Sensible supporters of a Palestinian state ought to be the most concerned. No one apart from fascists, Islamists and far leftists believes that Israel should not defend itself. And yet the scale of its military action in Gaza is outraging world opinion. Mainstream politicians, who might one day put pressure on Israel, remain very wary about reflecting the anger on the streets.
They look at the insane conspiracy theories on the western left and see them as no different from the insane conspiracy theories that motivate Hamas, and they back away.
The Palestinians need many things: an end to the Netanyahu government, and an end to Hamas. But they could also use allies in the West who do not discredit their cause with dark, gibbering fantasies.
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Workers at Sega of America, representing multiple departments, have voted to form a union. With 91 employees voting yes out of a total number of 212 eligible employees, the Allied Employees Guild Improving SEGA (also known as AEGIS-CWA) becomes the fifth video game union in the United States and its largest multi-department video game union.
The AEGIS union drive was announced in April but was a year in coming for the workers at Sega of America’s Burbank and Irvine, California, offices.
AEGIS-CWA is the US’s fifth video game union overall, joining groups at Raven Software, Blizzard Albany, ZeniMax, and VR / AR game developer Tender Claws. In addition to being among the first video game unions in the country, AEGIS-CWA will also represent workers across a multitude of departments including brand marketing, games as a service, localization, marketing services, product development operations, product development, sales, quality assurance teams, and more, making it the largest multi-discipline video game union in the United States.
#gaming industry#gaming news#union news#union organizing#news#gaming industry unionization#sega#sega of america
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Lab trials - part 3
Dr. Eric Mitchell, the renowned scientist, had successfully launched weight gain bars initially designed for underweight individuals. The bars were later found to be effective for muscle growth as well. In the lab trials, the bars were tested on inmates and soldiers, both of whom experienced no negative side effects, except for a noticeable increase in libido.
Curious to explore the commercial potential of his invention, Dr. Mitchell approached a prominent fitness equipment and supplement company. Jonathan, a sales representative who possessed an impressive physique and had a background in sports and fitness, was chosen to market the bars. As the account manager for major bodybuilding gyms, Jonathan ensured they had the best equipment and latest supplements.
After sharing the details about the new supplement, the gyms were instantly intrigued, viewing it as a safe and preferable alternative to steroids. One particular personal trainer even informed Jonathan about his significant muscle gain after consuming just three bars a day. Clients who tried the bars were also enthusiastic about the results.
Although Jonathan wasn't originally focused on becoming a bodybuilder, he was interested in developing a more muscular physique. Therefore, he decided to consume one bar a day. Notably, he experienced increased strength and received compliments on his growing size and lifting abilities. However, he failed to notice the gradual appearance of a protruding belly and love handles.
The gyms Jonathan had sold the bars to were highly satisfied with the product and began placing more orders. They also bought heavier equipment as their clients demonstrated increased strength. His success led to a promotion, with more responsibilities and more gym clients to handle. As a result, Jonathan neglected his running sessions, which not only hindered his endurance but also became more challenging due to his heavier weight.
Months later, one of the gyms arranged a strongman competition and invited Jonathan to participate. Feeling inferior to the other competitors, he decided to increase his intake to five bars per day, solely for the duration leading up to the competition. His strength and physique skyrocketed, attracting compliments from the hefty individuals at the gym.
Additionally, Jonathan noticed his intensified sexual desire, so much so that he had to indulge in self-pleasure multiple times a day. During the competition, he struggled with his bulging muscles, as his shirts became tighter and simple tasks like tying his shoes became bothersome. Now, he solely wore stretch pants.
Observing the immense strength of his fellow competitors, Jonathan grew frustrated. Placing tenth in the competition only added to his disappointment. However, he happened to strike up a conversation with one of the participants other who mentioned the bars, expressing their increased muscle mass and heightened libido – a sentiment Jonathan could relate to. They became workout buddies, with Jonathan's new goal to surpass his companion, Michael, and emerge victorious in the next competition.
Jonathan and Michael began to spend more time together, even outside of gym sessions. Their meals grew in size, topped off with two bars each as a dessert. One intoxicated evening, they engaged in mutual masturbation, considering it nothing more than an expression of camaraderie. This activity soon became a regular occurrence.
As they continued their intense workout routine, Jonathan and Michael saw their bodies grow stronger, more massive, and, inevitably, fatter. Although they embraced these changes, they faced confusion about their evolving relationship – were they gay, or was the connection purely based on their shared horniness? Eventually, they concluded that their behavior was normal for close friends who understood each other.
Finding it more convenient to sleep with Michael, as he comprehended Jonathan's busy lifestyle due to his successful job, dating women became a challenge. Their minds were occupied with thoughts of gym sessions, growth, and sexually satisfying each other. Despite the difficulties, Jonathan's business expansion flourished, and he achieved remarkable success.
Their routine continued, and as they added more bars to their diet leading up to the next strongman competition, they became absolute behemoths at the gym. Nonetheless, their heightened horniness posed a significant challenge. They now engaged in masturbation three or four times a day. Their bond with each other remained a deeply important aspect of their lives, for living this lifestyle was arduous without someone who shared similar experiences. But they didn't let anything or anyone deter them – Jonathan emerged as the champion in the competition, while Michael secured second place.
Having accomplished all their goals, Jonathan and Michael pondered their next target, contemplating the future of their physical transformations.
#fictionalweightgain#maleweightgain#maleweightgainstories#weightgain#weightgainstories#fictionalstories#wg fantasy#wg fiction#exjock
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A weird change has been going on with all the guys at my office. Many of them are now acting “southern” wearing cowboy boots and hats and belt buckles and even talking in southern accents despite almost none of them being from the south. They also started driving giant trucks and even some of my more liberal co workers are now talking about conservative politics.
Could the chronivac be behind these changes?
You have the feeling that the young employees were the first to be affected. When you went home a few days ago, you heard a "Goodbye, Mister! Havuh nice eevnun!!" from Frederick's desk. Frederick is an intern. A promising Harvard student from the best family in Providence. You're actually on a first-name basis in the office. But you don't actually wear a cowboy hat either…
The next person to be hit is Peter from the coffee shop downstairs in the office building. Peter is actually a talented barista and, like all people in the catering industry, is actually a disabled actor. You once saw him as Hamlet in an off-Broadway production. He wasn't any worse. "Hello Mr. Goldmann, sir! Uh hot blaak filter coffee as usual?" You look at him in amazement. "Peter? Is that you? I always have a cappuccino. Have you forgotten?" "Kaynt bay, mister! Way don't sayul thet kinduh stuff. An by thuh way, mah name iz Pete."
Fucking hell, Pete is really smoking hot. Okay, the conversation between you is getting more monosyllabic by the day. You'll get used to the black coffee. Not to his Trump praise.
Over the next few days, more and more of these cowboys and rednecks will come your way. There is talk in the news of a hacker attack on TikTok accounts and on Chronivac by the Russians. Allegedly, it is no longer the will of the voters but the voters themselves who are being manipulated. Thank God you don't use TikTok.
A few days later, things get more serious. You come out of the elevator, your eyes engrossed in the New York Times. What is that stench? Your eyes fall on Frank, the young man working at reception. A cloud of sweat and musk wafts around him. His left hand is under the table, moving rhythmically back and forth. "Good morning, Frank!" you say sternly. His hand is suddenly on the table and he clicks away the porn on the screen. "Excuse may, Mr. Goldmann, sir! Ah didn't say yawl coming." You say that your name is Sebastian and that he should get back to work. Apparently he misunderstood. As soon as you turn around, he jerks off again.
And it smells bad in the office. A lot of employees here seem to have an increasing problem with personal hygiene. And spend more time in the gym. And watching cowboy movies. Still mostly young colleagues. But also a few who are your age. It's frightening.
You're sitting at the financial statements. They have to be finished in the next few days. And apart from you, no one in accounting seems to have a clear head anymore. What you're given is full of errors. In terms of content, spelling, grammar… A catastrophe. You hear heavy footsteps behind you. "Goldmann, Smith, Wagner. Into thuh conference room. Now!" You turn around. The two giants look a bit like your CEO and CFO. But they smell like the locker room at a rodeo.
The two of them will forward you the links to a few TikTok videos. You should watch them! Don't have an account yet? Then bloody well get one. You'll get a lecture that our business model isn't patriotic enough. That you're doing too much business with the disgusting gooks and the cowardly French and Krauts. You're supposed to make America great again. America first!
Robert and Richard look at each other and at you, embarrassed. They don't really understand what they should do now. Admittedly, neither do you. You wonder whether the board has gone mad. Robert and Richard, who represent product development and sales, start to discuss whether it is even possible to restructure the supply chains and distribution channels in the short term.
You install TikTok and take a look at the videos sent by the CEO. They are basically advertising messages from the right wing of the Republican party. Repulsive stuff. And you have no idea what this has to do with your company's accounting and controlling.
After reflecting on the situation for a few minutes, you get up and think that you need a drink for the shock. You wonder if they could do with one too? Robert and Richard, who have also just installed TikTok and are watching the videos, look up briefly and shake their heads.
The cognac you received as a gift a few years ago is no longer in your office. You also can't remember whether you gave it to someone as a gift or took it to a company party. Surprisingly, you find beer in the fridge in the coffee kitchen, which is actually against company policy, but no schnapps or anything like that. You go to Frank and ask if you have any whiskey or something similar. Frank spits his chewing tobacco into the wastepaper basket and pulls a silver hip flask out of a drawer. "Home-brewed by mah dad, Mr. Goldmann, sir! Do yawl need uh glass?" You shake your head, take the flask and take a big swig.
Rick and Bob ask if you've brought booze and chewing tobacco. The two of them rant about the government, fantasize about how good everything will be once Trump is back in power and scratch their balls. They're both good guys. A bit hollow in the head. But they have their hearts in the right place, don't think twice and implement orders quickly and efficiently.
You really can't believe the gobbledygook they spout. You sit down, take a pinch of chewing tobacco and push the tin over to them. And after an impressive burp that smells wonderfully of the chili from today's lunch, you take a deep breath.
"Buddies, is way men or weaklings? Thuh bosses want ideas frum us, not whinin'. Wadja thank uh thuh fallerin' plan: naw more deliveries uh goods frum China frum next year an doubled prices fahwar sales tuh Europe!" Bob and Rick both snot their tobacco in the corner, shout "Yeehaw" and fart. Hehehe, they also had the chili. Shit, a good chili fart always makes you horny. You pull down the blinds in the meeting room. And Bob and Rick undo their belt buckles.
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The Best News of Last Week - March 27, 2023
🐢 - Why did the 90-year-old tortoise become a father? Because he finally came out of his shell!
1. New Mexico governor signs bill ending juvenile life sentences without parole
New Mexico Governor Michelle Lujan Grisham has signed a bill into law that prevents juvenile offenders from receiving life sentences without eligibility for parole. The bill, known as the No Life Sentences for Juveniles Act, allows offenders who committed crimes under the age of 18 and received life sentences to be eligible for parole hearings 15 to 25 years into their sentences.
This legislation also applies to juveniles found guilty of first-degree murder, even if they were tried as adults. The move puts New Mexico in a group of at least 24 other states and Washington, DC, that have enacted similar measures following a 2021 Supreme Court ruling.
2. Promising pill completely eliminates cancer in 18 leukaemia patients
An experimental pill called revumenib has shown promise in curing terminal leukemia patients who were not responding to treatment in a long-awaited clinical trial in the United States. The drug works by inhibiting a specific protein called menin, which is involved in the machinery that gets hijacked by leukemia cells and causes normal blood cells to turn into cancerous ones.
The pill targets the most common mutation in acute myeloid leukemia, a gene called NPM1, and a less common fusion called KMT2A. The US Food and Drug Administration granted revumenib "breakthrough therapy designation" to fast-track its development and regulatory review based on the promising results of the trial.
3. Spain passes law against domestic animal abuse
Spain has passed a new law on animal welfare, accompanied by a reform of the penal code that increases prison sentences for those mistreating animals. The law will make compulsory training for dog owners, and will prohibit them from leaving their dogs alone for more than 24 hours.
It also mandates the sterilisation of cats, with exceptions for farms, and increases the penalties for mistreatment of animals to up to two years in prison, or three years in the event of aggravating circumstances.
4. Bravery medals for women who raced into 'rough, crazy' surf to save drowning girls
Elyse Partridge (far left) and Bella Broadley (far right) raced into dangerous surf to save Chloe and Violet from drowning.(ABC North Coast: Hannah Ross)
Bella Broadley and Elyse Partridge saved two 11-year-old girls from drowning at Angels Beach near Ballina, an unpatrolled beach in Australia. The younger girls, Chloe and Violet, became trapped in a rip and overwhelmed by waves and the current. Bella and Elyse jumped into action, using an esky lid as a flotation device to help them swim to the girls. Elyse helped Chloe back to shore while Bella swam further out to help Violet.
Elyse and Bella were on Wednesday named on the Governor General's Australian Bravery Decorations Honours List, which recognised 66 Australians for acts of bravery.
5. Almost every cat featured in viral Tik Tok posted by Kansas City animal shelter adopted
Let's find homes for the rest
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6. A 90-year-old tortoise named Mr. Pickles just became a father of 3. It's a big 'dill'
These critically endangered tortoises are native to Madagascar and have seen their numbers decline due to over-collection for illegal sales on the black market. Captive breeding programs have helped produce new radiated tortoises, but the species still faces extinction in the wild.
That's why the arrival of these hatchlings, born to 90-year-old Mr. Pickles and his 53-year-old partner Mrs. Pickles, is such great news. Mr. Pickles is considered the most genetically valuable radiated tortoise in the Association of Zoos and Aquariums' Species Survival Plan, and the births represent a significant contribution to the survival of the species.
7. EU strikes ‘ground-breaking’ deal to cut maritime emissions
The European Parliament and EU ministers have agreed on a new law to cut emissions in the maritime sector. The law aims to reduce ship emissions by 2% as of 2025 and 80% as of 2050, covering greenhouse gas, methane, and nitrous oxide emissions.
The European Commission will review the law in 2028 and will decide whether to place carbon-cutting requirements on smaller ships. The agreement will also require containerships and passenger ships docking at major EU ports to plug into the on-shore power supply as of 2030. Penalties collected from those that fail to meet the targets will be allocated to projects focused on decarbonising the maritime sector.
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