#rwt tlt
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Little Kin Moments^tm I've experienced today:
- A friend and new roommate wanted to start watching The Ow| H|ouse! I haven't really watched it from the beginning since watching the end. I expected it to feel bittersweet, but it just made me feel warm and nostalgic and Like Visiting Home Again. I love my home. I love my sister. I love my niece. I love H|ootsifer. I smile-sighed "He's so underappreciated". (I know Ed|a loves him too.)
- My friend is already kinsidering Someone From The Source but doesn't know who in the system it's from or who in the canon it will be. I'm excited to potentially live with two sourcemates! (My sister is his kintype and my niece is his synpath.)
- I had plans to go to a movie tonight, and I thought I knew what outfit I wanted to wear, but I wound up choosing a long somewhat form-fitting dress and black fingerless opera gloves and had my hair straight down with a necklace that laid a small gem over my chest. It was bittersweet to realize it was Very Reminiscent of what I wore as h|ead of the Em|peror's Co\/en.
(I spent a long time in that role. Presenting myself that way. It wasn't very true to Who I Was, but it was who I thought I wanted to be. It was formative, even if I had to dismantle the part of me that identified myself that way. Unlike my role of Re\/erent Daug|hter as H|arrowhar|k, it wasn't so much... Me Being Me. Self-expression. Feeling Right. I mean, I felt I DESERVED it, well somewhat anyways, but as H|arrowhar|k there was a lot less doubt about My Role In My Society. Some level of fulfillment and status, but not nearly as much "rightness" or sincerity in it.)
- My Ra\/en synpath jumped out while watching B|ue Beet|e in the theatre??? No spoilers, but at a certain Triumphant Moment, I started smiling so much for him. Mostly just feeling, but something like "That's the J|aime I know and love."
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Fictionkin privilege is being able to find kin euphoria entirely produced by others in fan-made merchandise.
(I just bought a print I’ll be hanging on my bedroom door. Gid|eon’s nicknames for H|arrow|hark. I do actually like them and they mildly amuse me, and also my bedroom door will perhaps need more decoration than my usual golden bird and the gargoyle... If I have the golden bird decoration as a piece of my hearthome, why on earth not throw a ‘kin reference there in place of my Earthly birth name?)
#When I was about 14-17 my oldeest younger sister's door was decorated with stickers and artwork and I thought it was so NEAT.#I have commitment issues with stickers but a print I can laminate or frame and hang on the door suits me Just Fine.#And I'd rather have Penumbral Lady designating the New Room in the New Home as mine than my birthname.#....though perhaps the gargoyle saying ''Abandon all hope ye who enter here'' is a bit of a Ninth vibe too... it's not particular to Me.#I always heavily decorate the Inside of my bedroom door. Usually with strigns of protective stone chips and herbs and Mementos.#And a few purely decorative pieces; not gonna lie. The golden bird and glittering blue diamond-like Christmas ornaments are Also Kin Reasons#but mostly it's like... a black decorative towel with a golden embroidered crow (also kin reasons) and I hang things off the string#that I use to hang the golden bird up. Like pine needles and protection satchets and warded objects and things to anchor the shields to.#rwt personal posts#rwt tlt
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How does a Harrowhark shift do this?!
HOW.
tl;dr Mini-shifting INSTANTLY helped my stomach feel better when I was feeling REALLY sick this morning. And the moment the mini-shift faded, it went back to feeling Awful.
(Cutting here for N/t/N spoilers and moderate emetophobia warning for discussion of Feeling Bad, though nothing Happened From It.)
So, this morning I forgot to take my meclizine. I take it for motion-sickness and vertigo. The vertigo I can tolerate without it, but I get motion-sick in every moving vehicle under the sun after about 15, 20 minutes, and it just rapidly gets worse from there.
My bus ride to work is currently an hour.
So I got horrendously motion-sick on the way to work this morning. (Usually I carry some meclizine in my bag for the days when I forget, because I have ADHD and this happens A Lot. Except my emergency supply was also depleted. So me and my stomach were SOL.) It got so bad I was contemplating whether I should use the emergency emesis bag I always carry in my bag or the trash can on the bus when I actually Got S*ck.
Right up until I saw a license plate that said “D4MN” and for some reason that made me think of people Being Damned, which made me think “iniquity and sin”. Which made me think of the moment I met Alecto with her consciousness restored.
Apparently that memory is an insta-shift trigger for me. Because I shifted then, and within 5 or 10 seconds the worryingly strong, awful, consuming sick feeling dissipated almost completely. It was nothing but the vaguest discomfort.
The downside is that when I stopped thinking about Alecto and my mind settled back in the Present Life, the awful sickness came right back. {lP But by then I was off the bus and was at least able to focus on trying to settle it down.
I have absolutely no idea what the mechanism, the means, the MEANING of this experience is, but it is STRICTLY exclusive to Harrowhark shifts. I tried using ginger chews, peppermint, my prescription medication, and bismuth subsalicylate tablets to calm my stomach on the bus, and NOTHING worked until I shifted, and as soo as I un-shifted, NOTHING was working again.
It's ironic, considering what happens in the entire first act of HtN, but apparently a Harrowhark shift is the most powerful antiemetic in my arsenal. I'm greatly confused, but vastly grateful for the relief.
(I felt So, So Unwell on the way home too, but I couldn't engage a shift because my Harrowhark shifts bring a TERRIBLE emotional state and I had The Emetophobia Trigger happen to me twice at work today, so my mental state was already SHOT. I didn't want to make it worse. I coped by listening to music Very Loud and dancing like an idiot in my bus seat, because for some reason that helps. ??? Not as much as the Eradication of Nearly All Nausea effect that the shifts have, but at least it kept me from panicking about it.)
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The H|arrowh|ark kin jumped out at dinner today. (I would swear I’m not shifted, but I did crunch a LOT of numbers at work today without mixing them up... /hj )
But luckily it wasn’t entirely overt. (Because I think I’m the only one who knew What that word Meant in Context. At least, in the context I Intended It.)
We were talking about firew/orks going off on the ho|iday, I was talking about hating it because I wouldn’t get any sleep that night and had work the next morning, and ste|pmom said once she falls asleep, she doesn’t hear anything.
And then I said “Can’t relate. I sleep light as flimsy.”
Light As Flimsy.
My sibling scrunched their brow and looked at me, echoing “Light as flimsy?”
My brain juddered and I had to reel myself in. I put my finger up, tried to figure out how to explain away something that was Entirely A Kin Slip, and all I could say was “I know exactly what happened there but it’s really hard to explain why.”
It was all in good humor of course (we laugh about Weird Wordings all the time), but I couldn’t do the mental gymnastics just in that moment to explain that “flimsy” is in fact a Noun (and a Very Lightweight Noun) in That Universe.
Luckily conversation moved away from it before my slip-up was immortalized and I would forever be taunted by family members echoing a kin moment and having to bite my tongue every time. (I’m not even out as therian to the family, let alone fictionkin.)
But my brain effortlessly, unconsciously pulled “flimsy” out as a very lightweight substance. I didn’t even know I remembered how much it weighed until that slipped out...
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I’M LAUGHING SO HARD I’M CRYING
OH MY STARS
So someone I follow was asked about the books, answered it was T/L/T, and this was one of the responses.
COULD NOT GET OVER THE WAY G|DEON TALKS
As a Harrow|hark kin, this is absolutely fucking hilarious.
Me neither, fam.
And I knew her all my life.
Get dunked on.
(Also, the plot is still very “????” when you’re IN it and you REMEMBER it. To be fair, I had a Scrambled Experience even when things WEREN’T absolutely batshit insane around me, but... you know.)
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This is a kin-flavored post, but it's mostly mystical stuff. Fair warning.
I'm not sure if this is a I-Have-a-Necromancer-Kintype thing or a I'm-Learning-How-to-Sense-Subtler-Energies thing.
But I've noticed something very interesting in how I experienced the shifting of seasons the past two years.
(Cutting here because it got Long, and also because I'm talking about things that it became a meme to bully people for.)
So, I know people make a joke out of being an em|path, and people who don't make it into a joke tend to think it's hokey woo-woo new age nonsense. But I don't know any other word to describe how SENSITIVE and AWARE I am of fluctuations in energies. I used to get so overwhelmed by the sensations that I'd literally RUN through the hallways at school. It's like sensory overload but like my soul has a headache instead of my head? I don't really know how to explain it.
That empathic overwhelming phenomenon was always especially common for me during about March to August.
But come September, the ambient energies "settle down". Things feel less sharply, less strongly. I start to feel a little of My Own Power getting stronger and energized; I start to feel The Natural World Getting "Sleepy". I have both more "processing power" (more astral spoons, if you will) and more awakeness, more clarity, more insight. I come alive during the time of year when the natural world is dying down.
It's always been that way. Spring+summer feel overly bright; fall+winter feel calm and powerful.
But the past two years, both times I've experienced this seasonal shift with an awareness of a kintype that has the ability to sense thanergy, the energy created and detected and harnessed from death, I've noticed that it's not like the world "quiets" and it's not just My Personal Energy that gets "louder".
I pinpointed what it feels like today:
It feels like the current shifts.
It's not that the entire flow of energy retreats from Kinetic Into Potential. It's that the energy that begins flowing is a different kind! The flow of Life tapering off, and the flow of Death gaining momentum.
There's still a very active energy, it's just a very different kind.
One I didn't know how to detect before.
It's subtler, it's quieter, it's more ambient and "in the air" than the specific "life energies" I feel attached to living things. But I recognized what I was feeling today, and the revelation that It Is Indeed THANERGY struck me so deeply I lifted my gaze to the sky with wide-eyed wonder.
Now the really fascinating thing to wonder is whether I can harness it...
#death mention tw#rwt personal posts#digital mirrorbooking#rwt tlt#i really need to get a personalized tag that doesn't have the abbreviation for the whole series in it... ;;;;;;
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Is it possible to do, like... reverse shadow work?
Where you know you accepted/solved an internal/personal problem in a past life, but you don't know how? Where you already did the work part, and you know you did it Successfully, but can't remember how, and now you want to try to remember it?
I really want to understand how I made peace with my "raven beast" as Li|ith.
I can't say I understand entirely what Ed|a's struggle with hers was. I can't say I EVER understood how her inner mechanisms worked very well... Maybe a power imbalance? Maybe self-hatred? Maybe guilt? Maybe it was as simple as compartmentalizing too hard? I'm not entirely sure.
But I'm even LESS sure about what MINE was. And how I established balance and synergy with mine.
I have a few... inklings. I may have impulsively dealt with things by distracting myself with work, maybe some denial, maybe simply losing myself, maybe throwing myself into solving problems too hard. Maybe I saw MINE as a reflection of guilt; maybe I told myself I deserved to suffer it. Maybe I had to heal an aspect of my relationship with Ed|a to heal a relationship with myself. (But I don't think the curse-beast is entirely A Reflection of Myself; there was Something Else I struggled with that wasn't entirely my own making, just... how I reacted to it?)
I don't even know if Eda helped or if I figured it out myself. I feel like she had told me things, but she wasn't guiding me step-by-step the moment I had the breakthrough. I don't think she COULD have done that. I wasn't exactly the most... self-reflective. Not in an Intentional Personal Growth kind of way, heh. (Angsting, on the other hand......)
...I AM getting inklings that mine was a touch more playful in... whatever balance we found. I think I'm remembering... rolling around? In dirt or snow or something?
Gah, it's just Frustrating, because I know it would have been Momentous. A victory! A triumph! But alas, I can't remember how I won it.
#I think this Samhain I might use my meditation and Deeper Insights for personal work this year.#The Harrow|hark in me isn't feeling super keen on working any necromancy. I simply don't feel Inspired.#It was always ''work'' but it's simply not work I want to do.#And a part of me is wondering if I ever grew to despise the necromancy because of its cost#but I know it was work even in that life and I don't have the energy to tap for That Kind of Work this year..... s igh#rwt toh#digital mirrorbooking#rwt tlt
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...I think I misremembered a book I’m in for entirely kin reasons.
This one.
(H|t|N spoilers in the post I’m linking to.)
https://beyondthetemples-ooc.tumblr.com/post/651477856206143488/isnt-there-also-a-part-where-she-thinks-of-the
The past 6-7 times I’ve read the book, I’ve been looking for Where It Says That. But I can’t find it anywhere.
Unfortunately the blog I left that comment on is Very Popular in the fandom, and my addition has been immortalized
I’ve read the book maybe 6-7 times since then. I thought I was just wrong. It’s not in there.
Now that the embarrassment has calmed down, I was able to wonder why I thought that, specifically, and was so certain I put it directly on the comment instead of in the tags (I only so very, extremely RARELY ever put ANYTHING in a comment!)
H|arrow|hark shifts leave me blinded by confidence sometimes, that much is true, and in May of 2021 I was in a deepening shift... I hadn’t kinfirmed by then, though.
But I think the reason I commented that As If It Was True was actually a memory. That intrinsic knowledge that kinsidering and kinfirming unearths.
A noemata.
Because it WAS true.
The author just didn’t put it in the book.
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Oh, my gods, and I mean them literally... This quiz has given me a Lot to think about. This one:
https://href.li/?https://uquiz.com/quiz/Vhcbbs/what-god-do-you-worship
There are so many pieces to my spirituality.
So many facets of my Nexus, my identity, my lives, my memories, warring in my head.
How can I distill something that has always been so sacred and tumultuous and errant into the words someone else chose?
My spirituality is not a single-faceted thing.
I follow a pacifist leader and I followed a warmonger. I worshiped the stars for aeons in one life, and I worshiped the moon for so many years in this new one. I have despised those born with ~divine rights~ and I have aspired to become one of them. I have lives when I never found divinity, and at least one life where I found it lacking. I have never been perfectly pious, but I have certainly been outright heretical.
How does one reconcile all these myriad aspects and experiences?
The house: Golden and admired, or a place for the seeking? I’ve always been seeking something, haven’t I?
What would I leave behind? The answer about guilt struck me with longing; leaving it behind like an oily slick and feeling anew? I chose that the first time. Gods, I wish I knew how to do that. There has been too much, too much... A\zar hasn’t abandoned me for it yet, it doesn’t matter to her. But it matters to me; it mattered to the people (etc.) I hurt, it mattered to those I failed and those I loved improperly. I haven’t been able to reconcile that, either.
The second time, I chose that I had already lost too much.
The sacrifice: At the “Destined” option, a spear went through my heart for both Azarat|h and Ra\/en, and how, in their story, it wasn’t the sacrifice of the destined herself, but the destiny was hers, was theirs, and I clicked it in a moment of blind emotional resonance, even if the words were wrong.
I tried to find a way to merge their answers with Gid|eon on the second round, but she wasn’t devotional; she wasn’t ceremonial; she wasn’t innocent. I couldn’t even think she had died for anything divine, only for me. Is that selfish and self-centered? I don’t know.
In this life, my heart hopes for mercy. I don’t find it, but it was an option. I chose it the second time. Why waste life needlessly when my own power will do just fine?
What do I hunger for? Understanding is the real answer, but knowledge was close. Belonging too, but that wasn’t an option. Peace, at my core... but I don’t know where I’m going to find that.
“Pray.”
I wrote: Take me as I am or show me what you need, because I don't know where this path may lead.
The second time, I wrote something to the effect of “Where will the path diverge again and where will it end?”
Rereading those, I think the main effect of this quiz has been granting me uncertainty.
Result 1:
“The Stained Glass God. This God is a creature of keeping, whose face is only ever seen in precious fragments, the edges of broken mirrors and the crag of fractured gems. They are the deity of lost things, days made gold in haze. Panels of light where the glass has fallen, photos without faces. The memories of the aching, secreted in silver bottles where they cannot harm. Do not burn the past, but leave it where you will forget, and one day your prayers will wash up, seabeaten and soft-edged, for you to hang in the window.“
My gods are in glimpses, this is true, but I don’t think I have ever known how to not burn in the past.
Result 2: “God of the Tide Pool. The water peels away, wave by wave shrinking back into itself, leaving rocks washed briny-bare. The edge of the mussel smiles at the sun as it settles in for its waiting-- here in the tide pool, we stay behind, clinging to the knowledge that the ocean will remember its shores. They are the god of survival, the handholds at the nadir, who guarantees the stars caught in their water will sink no lower. Their festivals taste of snow melt, the dizzying dance of the hungry, stories told over a dwindling fire-- we have seen winters worse than this, and we will, and we will again. The ocean always comes.“
I guess transience is a keystone property of my spirituality, isn’t it? There’s hardly a consistent strain in my worship from any life.
It’s nearly midnight and I have work tomorrow morning, so I can’t ramble as much as I Really Want To right now. But I’m putting thoughts towards integrating everything I���ve ever lived and done and worshipped into a sort of... gestalt identity? It’s hard when they’re so different, but I’m trying to work on Accepting Every Part of Me. There are so many. They’re so contradictory. But they’re all MINE... and I think, maybe, somehow, someday, I’d like to be at peace with them all.
Not today, it seems... but someday.
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Can I say something a bit weird here?
I was excited to get x-rays today. (I hurt my back when I was moving in March, and it intermittently becomes so painful I can’t move.)
But I was excited because I’d get to see what my own bones look like!
It’s weird. It’s not purely curiosity, like I’m used to. It’s not the detached “Oh, that’s what’s going on in there” that I usually have with this body. I’m usually emotionally detached and disconnected from it, if not outright dissociated and dysphoric. Not today. It’s almost artistic appreciation, almost reverential. Specifically about the bones. (The organs, muscles, and nerves can go fuck themselves, apparently.)
And then I did a thing on the bus where I... experimented a little. I wanted to see if I could use necromantic awareness to feel out the bones from within my own body. And the weirdest thing is, I think I COULD?
Imagining the energies as neon blue helped for some reason.
But what’s WILD is, outside of a H|arrow|hark shift, I am incredibly NON-visual. I imagine the world in motions and feelings, not static images. This has always been a fact. I have dyscalculia and my brain doesn’t like to process Spatial Awareness. Imagining static images usually doesn’t work, I have to imagine things in sensations and motion.
Except today, I got crystal-clear Visual Feedback from it. Not just tactile sensation, like it usually is when I’m working with my physical body. Distinct clear visuals. The plane of my scapulae and cage of my ribs. The neat cross of my radius and ulna, as I sat with my hands palm-down in my lap. A little blobby nest by my wrist. It was immensely fascinating.
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Me watching Po|kemon H|orizons and thinking the guy with silver hair and golden eyes ALSO reminds me a lot of my OC who I have a mild crush on: Oh, I’m doomed to crush on this guy, aren’t I? (Or at least Squish. My demi ass can’t do Crushes until I have an Emotional Reason.)
....This made me realize that with her golden eyes and silver hair, I would probably be attracted to Ed|a in this life if she wasn’t intrinsically recognized as My Sister.
Well.
Awkward?
(For the record I’m more... “emotionally” attracted to the golden eyes than “romantically” attracted to them? It’s SO fucking weird trying to untangle what my emotions were about Gid|eon. What they are now. Because they’re different. I see her from a different perspective in this life. .....though when I first started reading the book there was a lot of eye-rolling and internal scoffing, so maybe things haven’t changed quite THAT much....)
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For posterity and context: Far From Heaven gets me from both a Blue-losing-Pink AND a H|arrow-losing-Gid|eon angle.
In fact, it gets me with the latter so much, it is the one and only song that is GUARANTEED to instantly shift me into the same shift every time reliably, completely regardless of my prior shift or mood or distance from the source material. I listen to Far From Heaven and I will ALWAYS be submerged in a H|arrow|hark shift.
The first time I listened to it I thought of Pink (and had such a sharp emotional downturn that though I was singing along (learning how), I gasped and curled into myself and my voice warbled and collapsed and I swore a few times and had to take deep breaths to get my voice back.
Luckily my hyperfixation on the just-then-released Evanescence music pulled me through it without a Complete Breakdown... but GODS that hurt.
Anyway, what I'm trying to say is it gives me Some Pink Feelings, but I thought about Gideon too and it's the latter that STUCK. ''All my life: didn't wanna dream I could lose you. But you just smiled...''
At least with Blue, I have the buffer of HAPPY MEMORIES and DOING SOMETHING ABOUT IT and HER IMPACT to help me heal.
With Harrow|hark it's........ It's so complicated. I hardly have memories. I don't always trust the ones I have. But GODS do I remember that grief. I remember the shock. Was it tinged with betrayal even? I'm sure there was self-flagellation.
See, here's the thing: Believe it or not I was MORE STABLE as Blue Diamond. .....comparatively speaking. Definitely comparative. But I don't think... my life as Harrowhark came with a happy ending that wrapped everything in a neat little bow.
I can't quantify WHY, but I CAN tell you I think the process of healing was messy and I don't know that I ever REALLY healed. So much in that life was fucked up. But I don't even know how to begin assimilating those Feelings and Memories when I can't PROCESS it because I can't REMEMBER it, let alone ANALYZE it and UNDERSTAND it-- and thus I have no way to ACCEPT it!
Sure, I could try accepting just... the simple fact that I Don’t Know and It Hurt, and That’s Okay.
Except I HATE not knowing (especially in a H|arrow|hark shift!), and I’m very frustrated by all the gaps in my memory. I hardly have any memories as Ry/ou, too.
With Blue, I sort of “unlocked” my memories by doing a ritual. Magic and meditation and all that. I think I did three before they came to me as CLEARLY as they do now... But what kind of memory magic resonates with a necromancer? I know very little of psychometry, and that’s so much in objects anyways. The b|ue court had an affinity for memory.
But with H|arrow|hark, as with Ry/ou, I’m hesitant to call up memories without any idea what KIND will come to me. I know that as Ry/ou, I intentionally suppressed memories that came to me from the T|hief King life because they bothered me. I think that kind of had a holdover effect on my Other lives....
But now I worry what I might discover if I delve too deep or lift that lid without knowing what I’ll find.
I had very little moments that could qualify as a Happy Memory as H|arrow|hark. Proud, maybe. Formative and important, certainly.
But I don’t know if I’m prepared to find out More About Desolation. Especially not because I’m doing so much work in Other Areas of my life right now.
Maybe someday... but I’m not in a place where I can Do that right now.
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I’ve apparently been thinking too hard about T|_T lately.
Maybe because I’ve explained Strong Reaction things from my kintype from that source to the QPP? Maybe I should blame my dash? Maybe I should blame my back (injury???) making me hold still and forcing me to Think about things, because that’s what my ADHD brain does when I’m understimulated?
I took a sip of drink. Today I picked the lime flavor.
It tasted way too strong and sharp.
I love lime normally. Disliking citrus is one of the hallmarks of a sensory H|arrow/hark shift.
Me at the brainshift mechanism:
#I like rotating T|_T in my head--I like it a LOT-- but unfortunately trying ot figure out What the Fuck is Going On is........#pretty damn reminiscent of what I did in THAT life. Fffff--#maybe if I play Po|kemon \/iolet I can overrule the encroaching shift with a Trainer Shift... that sounds nice actually#rwt personal posts#rwt tlt
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tl;dr I've been an energy healer since I was like 12, but I couldn't ever figure out how to heal Myself, only other folks, plants, animals, spirits, etc. I could send it to anything alive, Except Me.
But I think I cracked it in the past year or two and didn't even notice until Just Now!
(t/l/t spoilers below because I think it involves the discovery of Being H|arrowhar|k.)
I have no idea what they Key was. I was able to soothe myself emotionally through self-talk and meditation, but not Physically. I could work from the inside out to soothe astral overstimulation, or at least help myself cope, but not work directly on the overstimulation itself.
That was one of the Weirdly Specific things I synpath'd Raven with, specifically the 80's comics version. She could heal others but not herself, too.
But I suspect it has something to do with... two things, actually.
1.) Being a |yctor as H|arrowhar|k, I was able to heal myself with thanergy. Not thalergy, at least as far as I can recall. (Death energy rather than life energy.) But I was able to heal myself.
2.) I am a shadow witch and the same "light and increased energy" that helps others didn't help me.
Especially as a Ly/ctor in the H|arrowhar|k life, I was able to heal myself. I think the more I uncover memories of my abilities and what resonant echo of them followed me into this life, the easier it becomes to do things my soul Remembers.
And especially being a shadow witch, a necromancer in THIS life (although, funnily enough, it is Way more in the direction of the Spirit Magic I sucked so much at in that life), using the same "life and light" techniques that energize and soothe other souls would simply not be compatible with my energies.
The light overwhelms me. There's already a great well of life energy in me and a dozen other energies competing to be released or interacted with; I have to use silence and siphoning AWAY energies and soothing it with SHADOW to heal myself.
(For so long, as a baby witch, I was inundated with that New Age-y "only love and light can heal, darkness is Evil" sort of language. I always knew I preferred the dark and quiet, but I don't think I realized I couldn't work the same kind of "white magic" as everyone else on these forum boards. It took me years to realize I had to work with a darker and subtler form of energy to unlock my true power. Not baneful, not "black magic", just... Shadow.)
So fast forward to today-- or yesterday, when I spent about 8 hours total moving boxes, and furniture, and climbing stairs, and generally working muscles that I haven't used since the LAST time I moved.
I am Very Sore today. Painkillers are only helping so much.
Unfortunately the layout and setup of my job requires me to continually get up to retrieve papers from a printer. This makes my legs very upset with me.
I felt myself physically wince when my knee wobbled a little, and decided "Screw this" and sent out a wash of my intrinsic energy to soothe it.
And holy shit, it WORKED?!
Like, the pain went from about a 6 down to a 1. Barely noticeable.
I wasn't introspecting enough at the time to know what the heck I actually did, but holy wow, this is a Big breakthrough for me!
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This made me grin.
I was eating tuna for lunch, got a bone in my mouth, and immediately went "That's a vertebra."
I pulled it out, and lo and behold, it was.
My H|arrowhar|k kin ass was so smug. I can identify bones by mouth feel, apparently.
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Did a little magic with H|arrowh|ark shiftiness today.
(It is, after all, Sam|hain, the night the dead cross over...)
- There was so much thanergy passing a cemeter\y on the way home today that my fingers started tingling. I mean it’s always there, but today it felt more... Active. Alive. (It always does on this day, but this year I’m noticing it far moreso than any other year before. Now that I know how to look for it, I think.) I inspected it, held it in my mind’s hands, got to know it a little.
After the workings over my room, I don’t have energy left to protect myself if I go out “spirit-world wandering” like I usually do, but I got Familiar with what it feels like. Today, it felt weirdly comfortable and invigorating.
- I c|eansed/protected/ward|ed my room and had very limited access to tools (because I don’t know if the person I live with is okay with me practicing magic, she has x-tian stuff Everywhere), so I wound up using sage oil and a bit of my spit. Bodily fluids isn’t Exclusive to T|L|T warding, but that was absolutely where I got the inspiration to use it, and also the noemata for magic-working with it because I’ve never used it before in this life. Also kind of forms the “lock and key” structure for allowing those beings I want in here and blockading those I don’t. Warding, specifically.
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