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oftenderweapons · 3 years

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Mold Me New (4) – Taehyung

A Small Town Swoons story

Pairing: Taehyung x reader (nicknamed Frog — for now)

Wordcount: 4.7k

Genre: ceramic artist!Taehyung, divorced!reader, Strangers to Lovers, Fluff, Angst, Slice of Life

Rating: 18+ (for future smut and explicit thoughts)

Hello to my readers!!! Welcome to the Small Town Swoons Universe!🥰✨

In this episode: Frog and Taehyung have become very comfortable around each other, getting used to each other’s presence. Their bond grows even more once a ghost from the past comes back to haunt Taehyung. His natural response is growing even closer to Frog, relying on her completely for comfort and… a distraction.

TRIGGER WARNINGS: Angsty themes in the second part (an “ex girlfriend” comes back, Taehyung puts up a wall, just a little). Frog starts asking herself questions about sexual attraction. There are some innuendos here and there. Taehyung receives unwanted attentions that make him deeply uncomfortable. That should be all.

The parts that look good were edited by the miraculous @joheunsaram (I recced one of her pieces right here in my main blog 💜)

In case you like my writing, here is my directory for idol!AUs, scenarios and imagines. Here is Tae and Frog’s music companion (spotify playlist, the playlist in case you wanna create it on other platforms)

Enjoy 💜✨

Navi: Chapter 1 — Chapter 2 — Chapter 3 — Chapter 4 — Chapter 5 — Chapter 6 — Chapter 7

Taehyung had become a comfortable addition to your life. He was steady and reliable — from your bi-weekly lessons, to drinks with his friends on the weekend.

Terry had extraordinarily managed to stay friends with both Jimin and Hoseok, occasionally taunting them, but overall keeping things neutral and platonic.

However, the one who was struggling with friendly, platonic feelings was you. It was difficult not to notice the way Taehyung always managed to predict your objections, your movements and your needs.

You felt a connection that made you feel weak, queasy, like clay gently sprinkled with water.

His lessons had become a secret guide to people and relationships.

The first time he had actually placed you at the wheel, helping you throw your first small bowl, he had given you the epiphany of a lifetime.

“Don’t let it dry too much. Too much water will mess it up. It will become too pliant and it won’t hold up.”

A revelation had struck you just then and there. That was it. The rule to love. You had bathed your ex husband in reassurance and affection, and just like that he had melted underneath your touch, and he had turned into nothing. And the love had run out.

“Every shape has its specific requirements,” Taehyung had explained, dipping your hands in the basin and letting the droplets fall from your fingertips. “Wet hands, but not drenched,” he had reminded you from the previous lesson. With a small nod he had invited you to press down the pedal lightly. “See, here we go. The clay will show how much water it needs. Easy on the pedal. Very slow. You’re warming it up. Be gentle. You’re not sure it’s good. Just like with people. Easy at first, and once it works you speed up,” he had smiled at the material underneath your hands.

“Gentle. Easy,” he had corrected you, his sinewy fingers gently leading your hands, recalibrating the pressure points. You had watched the greyish water stain his hands as he helped you. “That’s the secret to good things.”

In the following lesson he had taught you the importance of separation and remotion.

“It's been a few hours* what you have right there it's a leatherhard*. It's hard enough to withstand some pressure, but not ready to stand on its own,” Taehyung had shown you how to cut the bowl from the base, to turn it around and let it dry evenly.

“Still it wouldn't survive the kiln yet,” he explained. “You need all the water out. Water weakens the structure and your piece would crumble. And you would need to start anew,” Taehyung's delicate fingertips had lifted the piece, turning it around. “They're like children. One wrong move and, bam, you lose their trust and you need to earn it back, from ground zero. Yes, Frog. Just like that, easy with the pressure or you'll leave fingerprints,” he had scolded you, exhaling and closing his eyes once he noticed the damage had already been done.

You had looked at him with a sheepish grin, smiling apologetically.

What you didn't know is that he had scowled at the realisation that he simply could not keep a long face at you.

Taehyung had discovered an even weaker spot for you.

He had realised he liked you a lot.

You were quiet, observant, and incredibly intelligent.

And he liked chatting with you on your nights at the pub. And he liked your fashion sense.

He liked leaning his head against your shoulder, he was just extremely sorry he had to be half drunk to be brave enough — or to be somehow excused for the excess of clinginess.

He liked you, the cheerful and polite smile you wore while talking to Jimin and Terry indistinctly, like they had the same importance to you, no matter you had known Terry for ages and Jimin for a few weeks.

He liked the way you trapped the tip of your tongue between your lips while you focused on a piece, or the fact that once he had stopped by the bookshop, only to spot you curled up on an armchair with a fuzzy blanket on your shoulders while you read a book.

He had studied the sleepy smile you had offered him as he handed you a cup of tea that had just been brewed in Seokjin’s café. Taehyung had felt young and foolish as his smile mirrored yours. He’d wandered around the few shelves in your shop, studying a few books and asking questions about the organisation of genres on the shelves.

He asked for recommendations and chuckled as he noticed you growing increasingly chatty, disrupting your streak of quiet to passionately discuss authors and plots and publishing houses, little naive art books and detective novels and half unknown poets from entirely unknown countries.

It had been an amazing morning, with a lazy yellowy light floating in from the large windows.

After that, his visits to the bookshop had become more frequent, even stopping by during a reading date — which of course was not the two of you having a date, but rather other people coming in, mostly couples from university, to explore the shelves together, have that niche romantic academia experience, which sometimes meant that professors also came in with their husbands or wives. The loveliest of them all was the Ancient Greek professor, a seventy year old man who always came in with his wife, opening the door for her and walking around with her hand in his, usually stopping in front of the Russian section to see if they could find anything they liked. Taehyung had helped you create some artsy reading nooks that your customers truly appreciated.

The last month or so had been a blessing, for the both of you.

You both liked the steady, warm presence you could offer each other: he liked having you around because he felt less lonely, and because it was so easy to focus on you rather than the discomfort of loss; you enjoyed his respectful guidance, like a toddler still stumbling on their feet finds comfort in the parent walking right behind them; you felt free to move autonomously, but you also felt him there, never looking away in chase you needed a hand to hold. You had found a companion.

And with that many things started getting out of your control.

One in particular.

It was Tuesday afternoon and as usual the bookshop was closed. You parked your bike in Taehyung’s driveway, grabbing your tote and blushing a little as you fixed a classy, old school ribbon in your hair, covering the hair tie of your ponytail. You felt fickle and juvenile.

You felt romantic.

You felt ready to be pampered with tender guidance and soft touches, still strictly limited to your hands, always after mannered glances asking for your permission. With eager joy, you opened the door to the studio, only to notice an extra wheel beside the usual one.

And one extra person.

A woman.

Currently running her hand down Taehyung’s arm, toying with his fingers.

You blinked a couple times before you rebuilt your happy facade. “Oh, hi! Hello there!” you greeted with a smile.

Taehyung immediately took half a step away from the woman.

“Hello Frog, how are you today?”

“Happy,” you chirped in a way that had Taehyung warning immediately. He knew that kind of gleeful tone was dedicated to other circumstances — books, your friends, squealing when you managed to make a good piece. He frowned also because you weren’t one of those easily excited people.

What could have possibly made you want to show off so much happiness all at once?

“I’m glad,” he commented before noticing the extra wheel and suddenly remembering the guest.

“This is Dolly. Dolly is a fellow artist. She’s from a small town nearby. She is designing customised tableware for a resort cottage nearby. She’ll work with us today.”

You nodded, grabbing your apron — the only apron, you noticed — and got ready for the task of the day.

“Would you like to try making a plate for today?” he asked, taking out some premixed clay and preparing it on the table for you to wedge. “Or we could do some glazing while Dolly does her thing.”

“No, I could use two teachers,” you replied, trying to be inclusive, shushing all the unmotivated jealousy. How unreasonable!

“She won’t let you get away with things just because of your cute smile,” Taehyung warned, the stern reprimand sugared by the half hidden compliment.

“I almost don’t make mistakes anymore!” you complained before walking to the table, rolling up your sleeves and beginning to pat the corners of your piece of clay.

“Do you need me to do that?” he asked, feeling twice as apprehensive as usual.

“You could wedge some for me, Tae?” Dolly called, preparing a large disk and bringing it over to the table. “Please?” she cooed.

Taehyung agreed, feeling more comfortable at your side, both your foreheads growing sweaty with the warm spring weather and your arms getting sore as you worked the clay until it reached ideal plasticity.

“How was yesterday? I didn’t manage to bring you breakfast,” he mentioned almost casually as he started giving the final twists to the clay body.

“Oh, it was okay. Slow Monday. A couple teachers brought in some stuff to print. One of my parents’ friends asked me to grammar check her dissertation. I had a few books brought in for safety rebounding. Same old,” you said, sitting at the wheel and throwing the clay down. “How should I go about the plate?” you asked, looking up at Taehyung.

He was suddenly enchanted by your beauty as you looked up, a few rebellious locks escaping your hairband and making you look so unreal, so breathtaking and young.

Sometimes he forgot you were young.

Sometimes he even forgot he was young himself.

He was living the kind of fondness his grandma had always told him about, the kind of fondness she had met once sixty, ready to conclude her earthly struggles by herself. Instead, she had met an honest man, a widower who understood her past and her present.

The two had shared a quiet, tender feeling until she left. They were friends, they talked about the weather and gardening, went on walks, had picnics and went to church together. He always held her hand and kissed her forehead with a reverence Taehyung had never met.

Except for you.

He knew the only love he would never doubt was the one that accompanied his granny through her last days. He knew she passed a happy woman and that relieved him immensely.

Being the son of a single mother meant many complicated things, which included his mom moving half a continent away when he turned fourteen, chasing a man he barely knew.

He was glad he had his grandmother then, and the guys. Jimin and his family, although very complicated.

Taehyung didn’t understand the inner dynamics of relationships, and his lack of experience during high school had definitely not helped.

It’s not like he hadn’t tried, but he didn’t feel comfortable. He was always trying to learn while all the girls he had dated expected some sort of latin lover for unknown reasons — probably because of a rumour started by Jimin and Jeongguk, which had clearly, miserably failed.

All he could do was show kind devotion and gain continuous inspiration by the women in his life.

Pottery itself was an art he had learnt from his mother, who in turn had learnt from her mother. He had liked it from day one, like he had been called to it, made for it, even.

“Taetae please, could you help? I think I’m stuck,” Dolly whined, stopping to look at her attempt of dish. “What do you think?”

You tried to ignore the way her voice hurt your ears, leaving some clay aside to handbuild fruit for decoration to add later. Once done, you remodeled the amount for the plate in a round ball against your apron before throwing it a bit too aggressively on the wheel before starting to center.

“See, I’m not sure about the lip. Should i give it a wider edge or make it a bit… I don’t know. I kind of wanted it flat, with a slightly raised lip,” she pouted through her words, but you kept your focus, centering the piece flawlessly, repeating the procedure a few times, feeling the movements terribly familiar and comforting.

“It’s a good idea,” Taehyung confirmed, “a bit of a modern twist.”

“Aw, you’re so nice!” Dolly cooed, batting her lashes at him just as he turned to look at you.

“You’re still centering? All good?” he asked, noticing you stuck on holding the half dome under your palms, ready to bring it up again.

He let you go through the motion, finding himself the excuse of checking your technique only to stare at your strong but precise hands.

You went on without answering, letting the clay grow against your palms before feeling it peak and changing your grip, pushing your thumbs across and down.

“Good job, Frog,” he praised you, watching your face light up in a shy smile while you kept working the ball onto a large, thick disk.

“It’s a lot more than usual,” you commented with a sheepish grin.

“You’re doing perfect,” he reassured you. “Keep it even. Remember the ashtray-turned-jewellery plate?” he asked.

You nodded.

“Use the side of your hand. Press down harder,” he directed you. “Use your whole body, Frog. You’re handling a lot there, you need to be a bit more aggressive.”

He bit his lip before testing the waters. “Make it wetter, Frog.”

You felt yourself freeze for a second. You swallowed and dipped your dominant hand in the water.

“Don’t make it drip,” he corrected you.

“I’m gonna drench it,” you replied.

“Taetae—”

“Just a second, Dolly,” he replied absentmindedly. “Drench it, Frog.”

You obeyed.

“Gonna touch your back,” he warned you before you felt his forearms on your shoulders, pressing you down. “Use your whole weight. You need to make it to three inches. The thinner the easier.”

You felt his voice close to your ear.

“When it starts to drag, it’s too dry. Hug the side,” he rose and placed his palm against yours. “Just hold it. No pressure. Lovingly.”

“Tae—” Dolly called again.

He closed his eyes. “Just keep pressing,” he told you. “Tell me.”

“Can you help me with the lip?” Dolly asked, batting her lashes.

“First, make the base wider. Flatten it nicely, till the edge, then pinch the wall up. It will fall a little as it dries, but maybe we can find a way to secure it. If you make it short enough it should hold,” he explained professionally.

“Could you show me, please?”

He nodded. “Wait, Frog, stop there. Watch,” he commanded curtly.

You slowed down the wheel before stopping, holding your hands for a second before making sure that your piece didn’t get out of control.

“Okay,” you told him once you were ready.

“Come up here, I need you to see the details.”

You reached the two other people, Taehyung taking Dolly’s spot at the wheel. He fixed his stance before he wet his hands. Instinctively, his left palm went to hold the side while his right fingers grabbed a needle, measuring the thickness of the plate. “Just around two inches. And here it goes thicker, you see? Around three inches,” he showed, sticking the needle in.

“Did I do wrong?” Dolly asked, awfully dramatic.

“You just need to make it thinner,” he commented, already dipping a small sponge in the plate before squeezing it in the plate, still being very careful.

“Now, Dolly first used her fist — the side of it — and pulled it toward her to spread the clay lower. Repeat that several times. At least six or seven, based on the pressure you manage to apply. Then she used her fingertips, center out. Like this,” he said, showing the motion.

You felt ready to throw yourself out across the glass wall head first.

His middle finger pressed down with such firmness that you couldn’t not think of it doing very inappropriate things to your body.

You felt dumbstruck at the sudden thought, like it was some sort of exceedingly vivid dream, too realistic to actually be a dream.

“Rib next. Dolly didn’t use the rib properly here. She was too light.” He corrected the woman’s mistake, using his chest to press down, exhaling loudly as he did. “You have to go deep, Frog. Stay there. Be a bit stubborn.” He grinned. “Hold position.”

You nodded, licking your lips.

Dolly’s eyes were glowing with arousal next to you, his brow arching once he put down the rib after five minutes or so. “Wet fingers,” he reminded you, wiggling as gimey, grey water rolled down his wrists, the vision unfairly erotic for the dirt covering his hands, dripping down the hypervascular back of them, the veins of his forearms significantly thicker.

You shook your head with a grin as he wiggled his digits. “You put one inside, on the outside and press them together. Make sure you dig deep with the one on the inner side. You’ll want to press down firmly to collect all the material you’ll need for the lip. In this case, we keep pushing out, to further widen the plate and give it a short, erect lip.”

You were out of your mind, nodding just in hope to get away from torture.

“Oh, so that’s how I need to do the lip! Thank you Taetae!” Dolly exclaimed, giving you a way out.

You caught the chance immediately, sitting back at the wheel, drenching your hands before reapplying water to your piece.

“Wetter,” Taehyung called immediately.

Oh.

Your brain froze as you realised that wetter you were, indeed.

“Make a fist,” he ordered as he poured more water on your piece. “Press the side of your pinkie knuckle in the middle.”

You looked at him, crouched beside you, his mop of black hair tumbling back as his dark eyes met yours.

They hid so much longing, so much need for comfort. You read them immediately, nodding.

He placed his hand on top of yours. “Push down, Frog,” he murmured, in a way he hoped only the two of you would hear over the sound of the wheels’ engines. “Harder, lovely.”

You held your breath, his fingers and palm swallowing your fist entirely as he slipped his thumb into the hole created by your index and thumb. “Pull it towards you now,” he spoke softly. “Hard and slow, Frog,” he reminded you.

Your brain was far, far away, filled with questions about how you now found yourself comfortable about seeing Taehyung as a potential partner.

Duh. Because he knows you, dummy, the reply came instantly

Because he seemed to do everything just right for you, and when he ended up making a mistake, he seemed to know exactly how to ask for forgiveness and actually learn from his previous wrongdoings.

“Do I keep going?” you questioned, looking at him.

His face lit up slightly. “Yes, darling.” He let you go slightly after, cleaning up his hand.

You missed his guidance, but you convinced yourself you could do without.

“Slow down. Test the thickness,” he reminded you, offering the needle. “You did perfect, Frog,” he murmured with a fond grin.

“Really?” you reacted incredulously.

He confirmed, nodding as he stuck the needle along the side. “We need to work with your fingertips along the sides, here,” he showed, closing down the small puncture.

You wet your digits and placed your middle and ring finger on the center, slightly angled, letting them slide all the way to the edge as the wheel turned.

He assisted your outer hand, supporting it and showing how much pressure was needed.

“Keep going like this for a couple minutes. Make sure that it slims out. Just a few minutes—”

“Tae, do you think this is right?” Dolly asked with her squeaky voice.

His left hand grazed yours reverently as he parted from you.

Taehyung cruelly realised he was head over heels for you.

“It looks just fine to me, Dolly. I think you could give it a last test and then let it dry.”

“Yes, maybe you could give me some hands-on guidance with the next one. I could learn from a… master like you.”

You almost scoffed, giving a choked snort before you could actually control yourself.

“Uhm… I’m sure you just need to refine your timing.” Taehyung tried to evade the request.

During the rest of your lesson, you managed to throw two plates, even building a few decorations that would be added once the clay was leatherhard, in about twenty-four hours.

“I’ll add the decorations tomorrow,” Taehyung told you as you washed your hands. “Unless you want to stop by during lunch break.”

You dried your hands, thinking about his suggestion. “I think I’ll be busy tomorrow. You know, the Spring fair is soon and there’s some stuff I need to do.”

He pouted and nodded. “I’ll trim and decorate then,” he agreed. “If we’re having our Friday lesson, we can bisque them.”

You smiled and agreed.

“Maybe I can throw some plates for you and show you how to decorate while the kiln is working,” he reasoned, helping you to remove the apron once he noticed you were stuck in it.

“That would be lovely, if it’s not too much work for you!” you replied happily. You deposited the apron and caught your bag, fixing it on your shoulder. “It was a pleasure, Dolly!”

“Likewise!” she replied with a smile so sour it would have made milk curdle. “I’ll see you again!”

“Yes, for sure!” you cheered back, making your way out.

Taehyung accompanied you, almost as if you didn’t know the way. “I have a book to return,” he said, making you frown. He didn’t borrow any book from you.

“Uhm,” you started, trying to understand his intentions.

“Come in, I have it in the kitchen,” he said, leading you through the backyard.

“Taehyung,” you called, once you reached the door to his house, keeping your voice low. “Are you okay?”

He opened the door and led you through. His house was incredibly traditional compared to the way you had expected it to be.

“I’m… I just needed to check in on you. Dolly can be a very… loud… presence,” he said, grabbing a glass and a pastel pink porcelain pitcher. “Lemonade?”

You shook your head. “She is indeed very… loud.”

“I’m sorry,” he sat down and drank. He looked sad. Worried. “Are we okay, Frog?”

You stood at his side, looking at him before delicately placing your hand on his shoulder. “I’m okay, but are you? You look terrified of being in there with her.”

He placed both elbows on the table and held his head. “I’m just very tired today.”

Your hand moved to his nape, feeling the corded muscles. “Tell her you’re tired and that you’re calling it a day. I can make up an excuse for you.”

You were reminded just how much he had clung to you for the whole lesson. If she was giving him special attention, he clearly didn’t want it.

“Would you do that?” he asked, suddenly hopeful.

You frowned. “Of course?” you reacted, playfully disappointed in his lack of faith. “We can stay here. I can read, you can nap or watch the tv. We just need to make her understand it’s time to go. I’ll hide my bike and wait for you here. You’ll go in there and tell her Jimin or someone called and they need your help.”

“Are you sure you want to spend the afternoon like this? I mean, it’s your free day.”

You shrugged. Your plans were going home, getting rid of the awful tension running down your back and possibly going to the shop for some cleaning, maybe work on that dissertation… “You’re my friend. And yes, I want to help you.”

Taehyung knew that some people would have been highly disappointed by being called ‘friend’ by their crush, but that made him feel warm, like he was wrapped in a cosy comforter. “Go hide the bike,” he said, grinning like a child.

You grinned right back at him, starting down the corridor with long strides. He helped you choose a nice spot, hiding your bike between the house and the bushes tracing the outline of the garden.

After fifteen minutes or so, you heard Dolly’s annoying voice as she said something like “call me if you need help with Jiminie”, dramatically bidding Taehyung goodbye.

From the window, you watched her get inside a car in front of the house, Taehyung appearing a few minutes after. “We. Are. Free,” he panted theatrically as he flopped on the sofa, throwing his head back.

“Why did you let her come?” you asked, staring at him from your spot by the window.

“Because she’s an old friend. I met her way before she became like that,” he admitted. “I hadn’t seen her in ages. And now she’s clearly trying to get back in my life, using the commission as an excuse.” Taehyung rubbed his temples.

For half a second you wondered whether it was a good idea to ask. Would it make any difference? You realised it would. “Were you… In a relationship?”

“If for ‘relationship’ you mean ‘let’s fuck him so I can complete the friends collection’, then yes.” Taehyung propped his forearms on his knees, exhaling heavily.

You hissed, feeling slightly uncomfortable. You didn’t know what to do. “If you’d like to rest, I can go home,” you said, looking at him with cold, uncertain eyes.

He met your stare, suddenly feeling confused, scared even. He frowned and crossed his arms, trying to put some distance after he noticed his refuge turn hostile to him. “You can go,” he said, shrinking within his shoulders, trying not to show how much he feared being alone.

What he didn’t know is that you could feel the hurt in his voice and the pain in his eyes like needles sinking in your skin. You walked to him, touching his hair hesitantly, feeling wary about not receiving spoken permission.

You watched him bloom under your touch, his lungs inflating with a large inhale. He exhaled way more slowly, taking his time. “Do you want me to go?” you asked, letting your hand slide down the side of his face.

He shook his head, placing his hand atop of yours, holding it there just in case you foolishly thought he didn’t need your touch anymore. “Can you stay?”

You placed both your hands on his hair, cupping his face. “I’ll read, you take a nap.”

He watched you move your free hand away, putting down your tote and grabbing a book. He grabbed your wrist, staring at you with his dark puppy eyes. “Can you sit here? Close?”

You smiled and nodded, settling at his side before he grabbed a blanket, spread it wide and laid down, nuzzling closer, inch by inch, until you found his head on your lap.

“Can I?” he asked, adorably, his cheeks puffy and his eyes glittering vivaciously.

You smiled back at him and nodded. Fondly, you moved your book aside, watching him close his eyes contentedly as your thigh became his pillow.

After a couple pages, you almost thought he had fallen asleep already, only to realise you were mistaken once he reached for your free hand and brought it to his hair.

“Cuddle?”

You smiled even brighter, tracing the shell of his ear before starting to hand-comb his soft, dark locks.

“I’ve got you,” you whispered gently, barely holding back as you looked at his face, peacefully relaxed.

Your heart was a messy thing, but in that moment you realised that, could you have a new one, you would gift it to him and never ask for it back.

Taglist is open

Navi: Chapter 1 — Chapter 2 — Chapter 3 — Chapter 4 — Chapter 5 — Chapter 6 — Chapter 7

#taehyung fluff #taehyung x reader #kim taehyung fanfiction #thetruthuntoldnnet #thebtswritersclub #taehyung strangers to lovers #taehyung angst

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prorevenge · 5 years

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Bam, you're homeless!

This happened around 2002, roughly, and requires a big hunk of backstory. I warn you, this is long...really really stupid long. I posted the entire story years ago on a now dead social media site and it was 5 parts long, with pictures. I wont go into nearly as much detail here, but I'll still include enough that you get how horrible the situation was for me and why I did what I did.

Prologue/Backstory:

I was seeing this woman that was about 10 years older than me for about a year. My brother introduced us, as his wife was High School friends with the woman. She had a son from a previous marriage that was about 9 years old when we started dating. We hit it off pretty well, and started dating. She lived with her parents when we met, and since I had a 2BR apartment I invited her and her son to move in with me about 3 months into our relationship. She didn't have a job, but that was OK with me. I had a job where I could move up if I wanted to fairly easily, so we wouldn't need her to have an income. It would be tight, but doable without too much effort. She was mostly nice, even though she had her moments (like all women) where she could be pretty petty. I didn't mind those moments since they were fairly rare, but a few led up to and then fed what happened... so I'll briefly run through them here in a prologue of sorts.

Shortly after we first got together, she brought me over to her parents house (we'd previously met, since she lived there at the start) in order to introduce me to her only sister who was visiting. Everything was fine, but her sister kept making eyes at me. I didn't think much of it until my GF went to the bathroom, and I went to the kitchen to get a drink refill. The sister followed me in and immediately gets right up behind me. I'm a little uncomfortable, but she's just akward close, not touching me... she quietly says "hey, why don't you give me a call sometime, I'll make it worth your time sexy". I was horrified. I had just met her, and I was dating her sister. I told her no thanks, got my drink and hurried back to the livingroom. When my GF came out, I made eye contact and made it clear I was ready to go. She ignored me for almost an hour and we finally leave. The GF gets pissed as soon as we hit the car (pickup truck actually), thinking I was just being a dick. I shut that shit down by explaining what happened. She gets mad and tells me a story about how her sister slept with her ex-husband, and how she was a snake and had stolen boyfriends before too. I tell her I don't ever want to be left alone with her again. I then explain that I am NOT a cheater, I wont ever be that guy, and I don't want to be put in a sketchy situation to be misinterpreted either. She agrees, and acts like everything's cool and I had said the right things.

There were a couple more incidents that, at the time, just seemed like standard jealous girlfriend stuff. One stands out, she had acquired a handful of time-sheets from my work and accused me of taking days off and calling in sick without her knowing it, and accused me of using the days to see other women. I was confused, since I have a good work ethic and very rarely take vacations and virtually never call in sick. Turned out she had gotten my brothers time-sheets (he worked at the same place) and my brother had zero work ethic. He called in all the time to do drugs with his wife. I didn't even ask how she got hold of the time-sheets, I just laughed it off and thought she did too.

About 9 or 10 months into the relationship, I popped 'the question', she said yes. We went ring shopping. Like I said, she didn't work and though I had a job, it wasn't the greatest paying job out there. I made about 30K a year, so things were tight-ish, but getting a nice ring was workable as long as neither of us got too crazy. I figured on a combined budget of about $1000USD to $1500 combined.

She decided she just HAD to have this ring that was right at $5000. I told her there was no way I could afford that, and my credit was so crappy at the time they couldn't finance it. I joked that if I was going to spend $5K that it would be on a wedding car, not a ring since she was borrowing her dads car to get around. I told her to pick out something more in line with our budget, and we'd get better rings in the future for an anniversary. She said OK, but I could tell she was pissed. I found a ring I really liked (about $150) but she couldn't find anything and kept looking at the expensive ring giving me puppy dog eyes. The clerk wasnt helping, he kept handing her the ring and saying how nice it looked on her. I was mad, and just decided it was better we leave and come back another day. Give her time to think about it.

A few days later, we're at her parents house and her dad pulls me off to the side. Now, her dads a great guy. I really liked him a lot, so I liked being at his house and he seemed to really like me too. He says to me "My daugher says she found a ring she likes, but you cant afford it..." I get a little irritated that she would tell her father that, and he sees it "Don't get upset, I'm not going to try to convince you to buy it. I want to buy it....but you cant tell her I did." I tell him thanks, but no, I cant do that...he's already paying for the wedding that we haven't even planned yet. I remind him that he has no idea how much he'll end up forking over for that yet. He insists. He wants his baby to be happy, and he wants her to be happy with me. After some more argument, I agree....but only if he allows me to pay him back, which he does. About a week later, me and him go get the ring she wanted. I made sure a different clerk from the first time got the sale, fuck that guy. I gave it to her that night, and cue the fireworks and the bedside lamp cut-scene. We were back on track.

The day of the wedding arrives, we'd been together almost a year at this point, and it's great. We have a noon wedding at this old wooden church from the early 1800's, and the reception in a nearby field with an old tobacco barn. It was very picturesque but brief, since we'd arranged to go to Orlando for our honeymoon, her choice. Since I could get a good deal by going through a vacation planner from work, provided I went to this timeshare thing, it worked out. We got 1 night in a nice hotel, had to go to a hard-sell timeshare thing the next day for about 2hrs, and got free tickets to Epcot for the following day for about $200. Normally the Epcot tickets alone would have been nearly that. We would then have to switch hotels and had planned to stay for an additional week to see the rest of the city.

End Epilogue (told you it was going to be long) and begin the REAL story:

The reception ends, and we head straight to the courthouse to file the wedding certificate since it was 4:30pm and they closed at 5pm. I park and run inside, she stays in the truck since she's still in her wedding dress. They had closed early. Fuck. I knew we had 10 days after the wedding to file the certificate, and we were only planning to be gone about 5 to 7 days max. I also knew that if she found out that she'd insist we wait until the next day to leave. That would ruin the first night in the good hotel, and I had no idea if it would stop us from doing the timeshare thing potentially ruining Epcot too. I made an executive decision on the way back to the car to just...not tell her. I could file when we got back, no problem. She would never need to know.

We went back to my apartment, and changed into travel clothes and put the suitcases into the back of the truck and left. When she wasn't paying attention, I slipped the wedding certificate into her purse inside a little zipper section I knew she rarely used. I figured it would be safer there than anywhere else. In hindsight I should have left it in the apartment.

I should note that at the time I drove a Barney purple Ford Ranger splash. It stood out. My brother had written the standard "just Married" stuff ALL OVER IT in bright red paint. It really stood out. We took off, and after many people honking and we waved at everyone that did, we arrived in Orlando about 3hrs later. We check in to the Embassy Suites, take a very fun joint shower and after several 'fun-time' hours go to sleep. The next day we do the timeshare seminar thing, get the Epcot tickets and check out. I find a cheaper, but still nice, motel close to Epcot and check in. It's a Masters Inn with exterior room doors, not interior with a hallway (image search 'Masters Inn' and you'll get what I mean). We put our stuff in the room, and immediately leave.

I grew up on the Eastside of Orlando, so I take her on the grand tour of all my childhood memories. My elementary school, the old neighborhood, the local hangouts telling her my early life story at every turn. I also take her to meet my paternal Grandfather who lived in Winter Park, just outside Orlando at the time. We go to dinner and head back to the motel around 8pm with plans to go to Epcot early so we can spent the entire day. We were going to take the shuttle, but since we both smoked we decided it would be better to take my truck instead.

The day goes great with two exceptions. I wore some pants that were a bit loose on me, and couldn't find a belt for sale at the park. I spent the whole day hitching up my britches, which made me mildly irritable. Second, she was being overly affectionate for a family theme park, and I knew Disney didn't tolerate that level of PDA and would throw you out if it got out of hand. I had to keep telling her no when she wanted to do more than a quick kiss. She was sticking her tongue down my throat, and getting handsy...then she got mad when I told her to knock it off.

By the time we left Epcot, we were both a little irritable but still in a generally OK mood. We stopped at a 7-11 on the way home. They're selling these pre-made whiskey/coke things, and I feel that they'll help the mood so I buy 4 of them. We pull into the Masters Inn, go up to our room, and...the key doesn't work. I go to the lobby and tell the clerk, he pulls up the room and says no ones checked into that room. After a brief discussion, we realize I'm an idiot and went to the wrong Masters Inn...there's a couple of them in town, and since every street in Orlando looks basically the same, I went the wrong way and ended up at the wrong one.

She thinks this is evidence that I'm stupid and keeps harping on me about it the whole drive to our actual motel. We go inside, take a shower and decide to drink. The drinks are warm, so I say I'm going to go get ice and leave the room wearing pink sweatpants (hers) and a tanktop. I did it to make her laugh, which she did, and figured the ice machine would be close so no worries. I was wrong. I walked around the entire motel looking for a machine. The only one they had was in the lobby, so I fill two buckets (not wanting to go back) and head back to the room.

Shes. Not. There. The clothes she wore at the park, which were on the floor when I left, are gone. I figure she ran down to the truck to get something, so I pour drinks. She isn't back, so I look outside and don't see her by the truck. Neither of us had cellphones at the time, so I just lay down and started flipping channels waiting.

She comes back maybe 5 minutes later and her first words are a loud "FUCK YOU". I just stare at her, and she starts yelling about how I didn't go get ice, I was calling all my bitches back home and that she knew I was cheating on her. I point at the ice buckets and simply say "Ice"...she goes ballistic saying "You were gone for fucking 20 minutes, I knew you were cheating, my sister told me not to trust you!". I get mad because her sister is the one who slept with her last husband, I remind her of that, and how she also hit on me and that I had nothing to do with her because of it. She launches into a tirade about how her sister followed me around and saw me with several convenience store clerks near my job, and that I was busted. She then states "Thats ok, I own you now...you wont be driving yourself to work ever again! I will! If you go anywhere from now on it will be with me or my son, and you can forget about sex for at least a month!"

I'm beside myself...I might have actually had an out of body experience. I very calmly say "are you done?" She goes on for another couple minutes in the same vein, and finally says "Well? What do you have to say for yourself?"

I work in Corrections, so I'm no stranger to tense verbal situations that could lead to violence, so I don't yell at all. I say, very calmly, "I will drive myself wherever the fuck I please, with or without whoever the fuck I want. I don't cheat, I have never cheated, I WILL never cheat. If you trust your lying sack of shit sister more than the man you married, then maybe you should have married her instead." She screams "MAYBE I SHOULD HAVE!" so I reply with "so are you saying we're done? I refuse to live like you just described. If that's the only option, then you're saying we're done. Are we done?"

She yells "WE'RE DONE WHEN I SAY WE'RE DONE....YOU'RE DONE, BUT WE AREN'T BY A LONGSHOT...I...OWN....YOU!!"

I reply with "so we're done. Get some sleep, we're going back home in the morning". Neither of us get much sleep, but we dont talk to each other at all. The next morning, around 9am, I ask her "Have you calmed down, or are we still through" she answers with a very angry "Fuck you asshole"...so I get up, and start loading our stuff. I tell her "get in the truck or get left" and she wisely gets in.

The Revenge Begins

At this point I'm not 100% sure we're officially over yet, I just know we aren't staying in Orlando just to fight. On the drive out of Orlando, people are honking at us because of the 'just married' stuff, and she's yelling at them, giving them the finger. My windows are very darkly tinted, so I doubt anyone really saw her, but I still tell her to knock that shit off. She rolls the window down, and before I can say anything she's taken off her wedding ring and thrown it out the window.

I start laughing. She gets says "what're you laughing at, I hope you enjoy paying for that!". I drop the bombshell: "your dad bought that ring, he did it so you'd be happy and made me swear not to tell you...enjoy telling him you threw his 5K away bitch" at this point I know we're over for good. She starts yelling for me to pull over on the East-West Expressway...yeah, right! It's a 4-lane toll road, very busy, everyone going 70mph+, with a very narrow shoulder. I tell her she's fucked, that ring is gone. She's furiously yelling, but I cant stop smiling because I feel like I've just avoided a lifetime of misery and somehow everything happened like it did just to save me...but it gets better/worse.

We get back to town and when I slow down to turn down the road to my apartment, she screams "Take me home you fucker, take me home now!", so I head to her parents house about 4 miles away. As soon as I stop she says "bye motherfucker", jumps out, slams the shit out of the door, and runs inside. I guess she thought I'd just go home. I did not. I got out and walked up to the door. Her dad opened it before I could knock and steps out. He says "Rodnaxela, what happened, whats going on???" So I explain it to him, and include that she threw the ring out the window. He is instantly mad. I think he's mad at both of us, but he's not. He tells me to come in and I do. Mom is sitting there (she's wheelchair bound, has a British accent and is completely awesome), and she looks like she wants to cry....which makes me want to cry. My GF comes out of the kitchen, sees me, and starts swearing a blue streak as she grabs her purse and her dads car keys. She bolts out the door and takes off to god knows where. I stay there for about an hour explaining everything that went down.

They drop a bombshell. They tell me that she has been married 3 previous times, and ruined all of them with her anger and jealousy. They are sorry for not telling me, but they really liked me and wanted me in their family. They hoped that I would be the one to settle her down since it seemed like we never fought and I was really good at de-escalating. I tell them I understand, and apologize for the whole situation and leave.

It's on the way home that I remember the wedding certificate and have an "oh fuck" moment. I initially have no idea what to do, or how to get it from her without her knowing since we now hate each other. I go home and start putting all her shit into garbage bags. I haven't mentioned her son much because even though his mother and I lived together, he spend 99% of the time at her parents house. He had the spare room set up for when he stayed there, but he rarely did. I packed what little he had more carefully than I had hers, using an actual box.

While I was packing, she showed up with my brother. Turns out she was over there talking shit. She was high school friends with his wife, so it didn't strike me as odd when I thought about it. It also didn't strike me odd that my brother was acting like a dick because he likely believed her version of the story and his wife being friends with her drove it home. They loaded up her stuff, stole a moderate amount of my stuff (including some of the wedding gifts/checks I was going to return, didn't notice that for a week) and left. My dear bother forged my signature on the checks and cashed them the next day, which I didn't find out for awhile. She didn't have her purse with her, so there was no opportunity to retrieve the certificate.

After she left, I called her dad and asked if the purse in question was there. She had several. He looked and couldn't find it, he asked why but I didn't tell him. I asked him to call me when she got home, no matter how late it was. I had formulated a plan that I wasn't sure would work, but had to try.

He called around 11pm and said she had just come in, he was whispering so she didn't know he was calling me. Perfect. I drove over and knocked on the door. She answered. "what the fuck do you want?" she says. I earned the academy award by putting on a sad face and saying "baby, please, this has gone far enough. I love you. I'll do whatever you want, just don't leave me...please...lets go get something to eat and talk...I'll do anything you want" she looks at me for a minute, gets this cruel look and says give me a minute. I stand there trying to keep looking sad in case she peeks out the window, and after a couple minutes she steps back outside..With. The. Purse!!!

Without warning, as she steps down the stairs, I snatch the purse from her and run into the yard. I get the certificate out and start waving it around. She has no clue whats going on and just stands there. I yell "I got the wedding certificate bitch, they were closed, I never filed it you cunt!!!" as she starts to move towards me, I throw her purse at her and start ripping up the certificate. I throw half of the pieces in her face and jump in my truck and haul ass away. Best moment of my life.

So far it's just petty revenge bordering on pro. I was gotten as good as I gave, and maybe I got the worse end of it since she got the wedding money. This is where it goes into pro level, maybe even nuclear...possibly even supernova levels, even though I was only partially the reason her life ended up being ruined.

I get back home feeling very happy with myself, and start watching TV. I even still have about a week and a half left on my vacation. Fuck Yeah! Then my phone rings, it's my brother. He starts yelling at me that I'm an asshole and that I'll pay for doing what I did and he'll make sure of it. I hang up on him, and turn off my ringer. I start thinking about what he said and realize that he may have planted something while he was here. I know he's into pills and smokes dope, so I wouldn't put it past him. I immediately start searching my house. I empty every closet, every cupboard, strip the beds, vacuum and basically spend the next 2 days cleaning that place better than it's ever been cleaned. I keep running across these tiny ziploc baggies in weird places. Under the bathroom sink, under the couch, behind books on a shelf....and I have no idea why. The bags are big enough to put a bottlecap in at most and look dusty inside. Then it hits me when I find some 2 inch (5cm) straws under the bed. Cocaine. Shit.

I go BACK through the whole place and find a couple more baggies and a few more straws. At this point I have no idea my brother is into coke, and the amount of baggies with the apparent age of some of them makes me think they're all my exes. I'm pissed, so I call her dad. I tell him what I've been finding and he gets quiet. He says "Rodnaxela, I'm so sorry, I thought she was done with that, I should have warned you...I'm so sorry" I'm floored as he explains that she's had coke issues off and on for years. She had said she quit when her parents threatened to fight for custody of her kid and throw her out if she didn't. This was a few months before we started dating. I inform him that I can get some drug tests from work fairly easily if he wants, he says he may want them and that he'll call me back.

The next day I get a call from her dad. He had just confronted her and told her that if she refused to pee in a cup, with her mother watching, whenever they wanted her to she would be thrown out on the street. She refused and they told her she had 5 days to either get out or reconsider. I told him to let me know if she reconsidered, and I'd get him the tests. He never called me back, and we never spoke again. Due to some things my brother stirred up at work, I wasnt speaking to him anymore either, so I didnt find out what all happened for a while.

About 6 months later I found out through a mutual friend that they had thrown her out, and when she didn't contact them or her son for about 2 months they filed for custody based on abandonment (not sure all of the specifics). Last I heard, they had raised him to be a good man and his mother was last seen living under a highway overpass, but that was several years ago. She's either dead now or maybe under another overpass in another city...at least that's how I prefer to picture her.

There is a whole 'rest of the story' that involves my brother trying to ruin my life because of this situation. Turns out he and my ex were doing coke together, but all the connections were hers...when I ended things, she cut him out. He went to work the week before I came back and spread some pretty fucked up lies about me and how the breakup happened. I was new to the institution at the time and was scheduled to start a new shift on my return, so it was perfect timing on his part....but that's a whole different story that I might write at some point, since I got revenge on several people over the course of things.

If enough people say this rises to the level of nuclear or supernova, I'll crosspost.

TL;DR I marry some bitch, she thinks that means she can turn me into her slave, turns out we weren't really married and she ends up losing her kid and living under a bridge like a cunty troll.

(source) story by (/u/Rodnaxela)

#prorevenge #by /u/Rodnaxela #pro revenge #revenge stories #pro revenge stories #pro #revenge #last10

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kelleyschorn · 6 years

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Kelley Reviews: The Hazel Wood

Can we take a moment to appreciate that amazing cover? Seriously, it’s beautiful!!

This book was recommended to me by my cousin a few months ago. I went out the next day and bought the hardcover from Walmart and put it on the shelf in my room where it say for another month and a half until I took it with me on my family’s weekend vacation to Galveston. Though the book started off a bit slow, I soon became wrapped up in both its characters and mysteries. I’ve been reading mainly through Audible for about a year now and this book was the perfect reintroduction to physical reading. Audio books are great, don’t get me wrong, they allow me to read on the go, but physical books require full emersion and this book was the perfect choice for that.

The Hazel Wood, written by Melissa Albert, follows a seventeen year old girl named Alice who has lived on the road with her mom her whole life running from the bad luck that seems to follow them everywhere they go. When they finally settle down in New York, Alice and her mom, Ella, think that the bad luck has ended. For a while, it seems as if they’re right, until one day Ella is kidnapped by something Alice can’t explain and she has to face the facts that the fairytales that made her grandmother famous may not be as fictional as she’d once thought. Teaming up with one of her classmates, Finch, who happens to be a super-fan of her grandmother’s stories, Alice embarks on a journey to find her mother and the truth once and for all.

The language used in this book is beautifully descriptive. It finds the balance between giving the reader amazing imagery while not bogging down the pacing of the story. The way she brought these dark fairy tales to life had me reading late into the night and closing my closet door before bed! This book was creepy in all the right ways. The story keeps you guessing too, to the point where I thought I had it figured out and then—BAM plot twist, okay never mind I have no idea what’s going to happen next!

I loved that this book was a novel but I would also totally read a spin-off if Albert were to release an anthology of all the full stories from the Hinterland. I loved how dark these stories were and I wanted more!

Overall I liked this book a lot and found it to be a total page-turner toward the end. I would definitely recommend this book to anyone out there looking for a great fast read.

WARNING: The next part of this review is more in depth, where I will talk about specific elements of the story that did and did not work for me. It contains SPOILERS. If you have not read this book yet PLEASE LEAVE and come back to join the conversation once you’ve read it.

WHAT WORKED

The concept. Sure, the fairtales are actually real thing has been done before, but it hasn’t been done like this. Melissa Albert found a way to turn this age old idea into something that felt fresh and new. I loved Alice was a stolen story and I really loved the idea of the Spinner and that she was the creator of the stories. I think this concept spoke to me in a special way because I am a writer too. The thing is, the idea of the Spinner could have become cheesy so easily but she pulled it off so well that it was just awesome.

The theme. The theme of choosing your own fate and exercising your free will over someone else’s preconceived ideas for your life was very powerful and very present throughout the story. The moment that solidified and clarified the theme for me was towards the end when, in response to Alice’s question as to why the mysterious red headed man would help her, he responds, “because I’m not just a part of someone else’s story.” (That is a paraphrase because I lent the book to a friend, but you get the idea) After that moment everything that had happened in the book was given new life as I was able to recognize the clear motivations behind the characters.

Brief conspiracy theory about the theme: I do not know at all if this is true, this is just what I was thinking as I read the story. My thoughts are that there is some spiritual symbolism in this theme, that the Spinner represents God and her stories are God’s plans for people. She believes that people should decide their own fates not anyone else. (I personally don’t view God in this way but this is what I felt the theme was going for and I appreciate it for what it is: a statement on how the author views the world.) I may be off on this so Melissa, if you read this and I’m wrong, I’m sorry to have misinterpreted you.

The writing. I mentioned this above and so I’ll be brief here, but the writing was very good. Again, beautiful and haunting imagery made this story come to life vividly in my head and, being someone who typically doesn’t like a lot of description, I found that she had the perfect balance of description and story.

The plot twists. Did not see Finch’s “death” coming at all. In fact, I thought I had the story figured out (and was bored with what I thought it was going to be) and when that happened I literally gaped. Great twist. Loved that. Alice being a stolen character from the Hinterland, and the red headed man being from her story, loved that also. I liked that he and Ella had been love before and the tie in that Alice always thought he was her dad. The revelation of the Spinner, I know this wasn’t necessarily a twist, but to me it felt like one because it reoriented how I understood the world of the story. Again I loved the Spinner and thought she was a brilliant idea.

The fairytales. These stories and their characters are so cool! As I said above, I want more! These stories and their various elements that we got to see are what creeped me out so much that I had to shut my closet door at night! I LOVED them. And I really want Melissa Albert to release all of the stories on their own as a companion book or something. I wonder though, if she really does have all of those other stories fully written and realized or if she just came up with cool intriguing names for the other ones. Honestly I could see it both ways. One of the things that bothered me though is that we never found out the ending to Alice’s original story, I get why, the reasoning given in the book is very believable, but I do wonder if the author herself just never figured it out—I highly doubt this but I do wonder about it. The story alludes to the fact that the end is not pretty and I still want to know what it was.

WHAT DIDN’T WORK

Some logical things about the fairytales. Some parts of the book made it seem like the Story characters were stuck in their stories, couldn’t leave, and never varied. But then we had Twice-Killed-Katherine and her cabbie friend running all around the real world causing mischief and we find out that the doors caused by the stolen stories caused problems with them leaving the Hinterland and causing trouble in our world. Maybe the stealing of the stories broke them a little bit and gave them the ability to leave their stories? But then wouldn’t their story freeze like Alice’s every time someone left? Why did the Spinner not have an issue with these incidents? Also how the heck did the redheaded man leave to find Alice those times if the rest of the people in her story were frozen at the beginning? Wouldn’t he have been frozen too?

The characters. I felt that the characters were okay. I saw that she was trying to make Finch want to be in the Hinterland for real because his life wasn’t that great but we more saw the chip on his shoulder about being rich. His character was so happy and “everything is fine” that his betrayal of Alice and ultimate goal to go to the Hinterland felt a tad bit disjointed. Alice herself had to grow on me but at the same time, I really liked how the author made her not want to need people. There were some really well-done moments to do with that particular characteristic. I wish she would have foreshadowed the fact that Alice’s anger had a reason behind it. We find out at the end that she’d still had some of the ice in her left over from her story which I thought was a really neat detail and I think it would have been an even stronger moment in the story if there had been some more ground laid for that revelation.

The beginning. The beginning was a bit jarring for me because it felt like an info dump of Alice’s background. That being said, Alice’s background and how she grew up becomes crucial to the story but I still would have liked maybe a prologue showing them feeling from some bad luck? Which I think was sort of there at the very beginning and then, like she had, more flashbacks about how she grew up.

Overall, I really did love this story. I’m excited to see what Melissa Albert writes next and still hope that she’ll release more of those amazingly dark fairytales in the future!

What did you think of The Hazel Wood? Do you agree with points or is there something I missed? Join the conversation and let me know!

#The Hazel Wood #thehazelwood #melissa albert #book review

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drv3imagines · 7 years

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Lol, halfway through writing I finally understood what was being asked here… To my understanding a serious prank here would be considered those EXTREME pranks that reeeeealllly mess with people…welp…However, this was asked so politely and even has a cute little heart…I kinda feel bad for hurting our guys here…well gotta do whatchu gotta do…

Rantaro Amami * You were making lunch with Rantaro when you decided to go forth with your plot. * While he busied himself with making cute faces with the rice cakes, you were busy setting up for your prank. * “Hey s/o, look at the cute little panda shapes I made~ They remind me of you~” (what a dork) * You smiled as you brought your knife and cutting board closer to where he was standing. Once settled you began to cut up the vegetables into cute shapes too. * “Wow that’s nice, Amami~ Can you make a kitten shaped one too?” * “Yes of course, is that what your doing with yours?” * “Mhmm, just as soon as I can get…” You frown as the vegetable you were cutting seemed tougher than expected. * “S/o, careful with that knife, I don’t want you to hurt yourself.” * You chuckle at his warning, carelessly waving the knife before getting back to the cutting board. “Amami, I think I know what I’m doing.” * Just as the words slipped from your mouth, your thumb, which was positioned right under the cucumber your were cutting, came clean off. * Even though you “screamed” in agony, Rantaro remained quite calm. * “Um…Amami?! My finger!!” * “I almost believed you for a second, s/o. Haha, maybe next time you put fake blood in a fake finger you don’t use a strong paint? I could smell it from here~ Come on let’s get this cleaned up, and no more pranks okay?” * “Fine…”

Korekiyo Shinguuji * Korekiyo wasn’t really much of a stickler for “outrageous humor,” especially if this prank would probably be up there on Ouma’s level. * You expected a long lecture after this, but you were curious to see what kind of reaction he would have if you actually went through with this, but there you were, standing behind his unsuspecting form watching a documentary on Aztecan culture. * “Fascinating” he would comment every now and then, jotting down a few notes on what he deemed noteworthy. Completely caught up in the droning of the narration, he was totally defenseless to any attack you had planned for him. * Was it wrong to do this to him when he was working? * Sighing, you raise the scissors in your hand and snip at least twelve inches of his hair off. * As soon as the hair hits the floor, you can practically feel the ice radiating off of his body. * It takes a moment to for him to register what you’ve done before he turns to you with a horrified stare. * The silence rings through the air and even the narrator’s voice seems to quiet down. * “What have you done…” * The calm before the terrifying storm. But that storm was coming quickly, as a range of emotions began pouring all over you. * To say the least Korekiyo was feeling a lot of things at once but “pissed off” was surprisingly not one of the top ten. (Oh, but it was getting there) * Before he could press further, you showed him the obviously fake hair in your hand and compared it to the pool at your feet. They were a match and the luscious hair your boyfriend prided himself in was definitely still in tact.

Kaito Momota * A couple of things you should know about Kaito. Number one, he was not into the whole occult, scary, horrifying stuff, and number two, he’s a pretty outspoken guy who will act rashly if provoked. * So, why would you ever push him towards a state of unpredictability? * For the lulz? * …Riiiiigggghhhttt… * Anyway, it was late afternoon and Kaito was watching you play a really cool space-themed computer game. Like, he had his chin resting on your shoulder, totally engrossed on what you were doing here. * “Wanna play?” You asked innocently. * Oh yeah! Kaito is totally down for this game. Adjusting himself on the couch in his winning game position, he easily cleared the first three levels in five minutes. * Soon he was losing interest perfect, so you suggest a game a friend of yours sent you the other day in an email. * After setting up the game you figure he’d be distracted for a while so you took to your room to get your big prank set up. * By the time you came back, Kaito was practically on the ceiling and your laptop…well you expected this sort of thing to happen. * It was a jump scare prank, but it seemed as though the aftermath would result in Kaito sleeping over your house for the next month.

Kokichi Ouma * Ooooh, Ouma would never see this coming! You thought as you conspicuously watched your boyfriend from behind a bookshelf in the library. * Recently, he had been going on a pranking spree, and you thought it would be fun to give him a taste of his own medicine. So you decided that you both had to study for an upcoming test, why not do it together :3c? * The King of Pranks’ Reign of Funny would be put to a stop if it was the last thing you did! * You peered around the corner seeing him nose-deep in a course book you were supposed to be studying. Perfect! He doesn’t suspect a thing! * You hoped that your friend was still waiting for the signal when the faint sound of the library bell going off in the distance began to ring. * Any moment now your friend would run out in a T-Rex costume and startle your distracted boyfriend…any moment…just…um… * You stepped out from your hiding spot confused as to why your friend wasn’t reacting. * “Hey, what gives?” You said loud enough for Ouma to hear you. * As you approach him you see his poor attempts to hide his laughter at something, but what? * “Oh hey, s/o, you made it~” The boy’s greeting was drowned out by your own startled scream as a costumed culprit ran out at you unexpectedly. * Turns out Ouma figured out your prank, and decided it would be fun to turn the tables. ;) You can’t prank da King~

Shuuichi Saihara * It had been some time Shuuichi had seen his hat. In fact, there were other articles Shuuichi knew he was missing, but couldn’t really put importance in. * A couple of his pencils, an entire stack of papers, a book he cherished, and of course his hat. * But he wouldn’t complain, he could do without those things…or they could be replaced…that is until a case file he was studying randomly disappeared. * He looked all over for it, and he really needed to read through the rest of it if he was going to try and decipher the clues. * He bumped into you after class one day, propping yourself up next to a vending machine trying to act innocent. * “You…wouldn’t happen to know where the case file is…would you s/o?” * You giggled as you gave your boyfriend a nonchalant shrug. “Dunno, Saihara. I think the vending machine may know more than I do~” * “S/o…really… now isn’t the time to joke around, please. I really need that file.” * “I’m sure if you asked this vending machine nicely it would tell you ;)” * He sighed and watched as you walked off to your next class. He’d get over it soon, since he could always ask for another fax, but what– * Just as he walked passed the window of the machine, he froze. There…right there at D3, his hat was neatly placed in between the spirals of the vending machine. * Taking a closer look at the inside contents, he sees the case file, a fresh packet of paper, his favorite book, and he could only guess were his pencils trapped in the spirals.

Kiibo * Between being gullible and taking everything quite literally, you found it pretty easy to prank Kiibo. * However, his faults are always countered with his strong curiosity to understand humans better (typically leads into some sort of discussion) or he’s usually prepared with some evidence that will prove any random claims you make false. * To do this properly, your prank would have to be elaborate and very precise. * What better way to do so than during his research. * All you needed was a general topic and bam he’d fall for it harder than the giant from Jack and the Bean Stalk. * “Hey Kiibo, do you wanna learn how to read the atmosphere?” * “In reference to ‘reading the atmosphere’ do you mean sensing the mood of a conversation amongst others or the ability to sense the cleanliness levels of the air?” * What a dork * “The first part.” * “Ah, well in that case I am still learning to progress that ability further!” He seems excited, this is going to be easy. * “Well…” * The following day in class, Kiibo had joined a discussion with Shuuichi, preparing to use his new ability on his friend. * “…I was thinking we could all hang out some time. And don’t worry about the robot discrimination from Ouma, I already talked to him and he promises he’ll keep it to a minimum.” * “M-minimum? Oh right. Uh well I should probably be quieter now right?” * “Right…what was that?” * “That? This is harder than I expected. Perhaps we should change the subject.” * “Okay…well, I’m not really interested in going somewhere too busy, do you have any places in mind? Maybe a musuem, Momota hasn’t stopped talking about an exhibit he wanted to see for weeks.” * “Weeks? Right. I also enjoy them.” * “Kiibo, are you okay?” * “Okay? Of course. I am simply reading the atmosphere based on the cues you are giving me.” * “Cues? What cues?” * “Cues to the atmosphere.” * “It just sounds like you’re taking the last words of my sentence and saying whatever you want about them.” * “Them? I should probably be more considerate to them and choose a location that everyone would enjoy.” * “…”

Gonta Gokuhara * It was a simple prank. Not too big or complex. * Besides Gonta was pretty gullible…so he’d fall for this one, and it would be funny :3c. * Basically, you decided to “borrow” Gonta’s glasses and toy around with him for a bit. * “S/o, could you please give Gonta his glasses back, he really can’t see without them…” * He’ll have to chase you if he wants them~ * So he does, following the sound of your footsteps ahead of him (you made sure he could definitely hear you so he wouldn’t run into anyone or anything while he gave chase). * Soon you ducked into a classroom with Gonta right at your heels but then– * The tall gent ran straight into the tape trap you set up for him. * Generally the tape is placed at the top of the door, and the poor victim would run unsuspectingly face first into the sticky trap…however, your set up was a little off… * You didn’t understand, you used three pieces of tape, neatly placed on each end of the doorway, what had gone wrong? * Well, the giant boy laying face first into the ground told you a lot of things were wrong with your innocent prank. * For one, the tape goes at the top of the door way, not at the victims feet… * But Gonta forgives you, it…was just a prank… he just needs a couple of ice packs and maybe a cloth to stop his nose from bleeding. * He promises he’s not mad but maybe next time he could just have his glasses back.

Ryoma Hoshi * Ryoma has a sweet tooth, I think this is a well accepted headcanon across the fandom (also pretty sure this is canon to some degree?) * So you thought it would be funny to play around with that sweet craving of his when he least expected it. * This prank had been going on for almost a week now. * On Monday, you salted all of his black licorice sticks. The soft expecting expression on his face quickly faded into disappointment and distrust as he immediately rejected the pack in favor of something else. * On Tuesday, you take the time to swap out all the vanilla pudding cups with mayonnaise and carefully sealed them back to look unnoticeable. That did not sit well with tennis boi. * On Wednesday, you decided to give him a break and set out a nice candy bowl for him. M&Ms and Sour Skittles never tasted so good together~ * On Thursday, okay s/o we need to talk. * He ends up catching you in the act of doing one of the worst food pranks known to man kind, replacing the cream in Oreos with toothpaste. * “HowcouldyoudothistomeItrustedyou.” * Sucks he didn’t make it to Friday, you were going to make him a caramel sundae with mashed potatoes and gravy :3c * …

#I honestly didn't know how to come up with a prank for everyone while considering how mad exactly they would be...#Kiibo's absolutely killed me...#Most of these pranks are really not that good lol #I'm very disappointing #100% of these (minus Kiibo because no one pranks robots) were inspired by the internet #while it was hilarious to see people go through these pranks #Also Ouma's is a reference to iCarly's Spencer #I dunno how I depicted it #hmph #Mod Tojo #Rantaro Amami #Korekiyo Shinguuji #Kaito Momota #Kokichi Ouma #Shuuichi Saihara #Kiibo #Gonta Gokuhara #Ryoma Hoshi

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