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holdmeclosertinytaron · 11 months

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RHW: Chapter One

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Please read!! A/N: I am so excited that we're finally getting into the story properly now. You're really going to meet Taron and get a feel for Liliana, Evelyn and Jacob too which is so fun. This chapter means a lot to me for so many different reasons, but mainly because I have poured quite literally my soul into the flashback part of this. While there are a couple of differences and theatrics, the entire thing is real and still very raw so please be kind and read the trigger warnings. But without further ado, @brayndilyn and I would like to say thank you for the love on the prologue, and we hope you love chapter just as much!

Word Count: 6.4k

Warnings: Alcohol consumption, mentions of adultery, depictions of narcistic behaviour, mental health in children.

November 5th, 2021

Two and a half excruciatingly long years filled with hundreds of emails, a rigorous editing process, and the original publishing date being pushed back due to scheduling conflicts, all led up to this moment. The moment that she stepped foot into the venue and saw everyone there for her.

It was all worth it. She had finally done it. Liliana could proudly say that she was a published author and for the first time since she pitched the book idea to Martin and Evangeline, the stress that she had buried deep inside her began to dissipate.

For a moment, she could breathe again. Maybe it was the p

rosecco that had been thrust into her hand as she walked through the door. It didn’t matter. She was at her book launch and she could breathe. Even if it was just for a little while.

She was finally at her book launch event, something she wasn’t sure would ever actually wind up happening, surrounded by everybody who had helped make the book an actual thing. Martin, Evangeline and Charlotte who stood chatting to one another and laughing about something Martin had said; Jacob who was chatting to book shop owners about book signings up and down the country; book reviewers who had read advanced copies of the book but who wanted quotes for their articles; other authors who worked with Between the Lines; her entire publishing team; and her best friend since university and editor all in one room. For her.

Between the Lines had hired a beautiful room in East London for the event, and had decked it out perfectly. A canopy of fairy lights shone above everyone and small tables had been scattered around the room for people to stand at and chat. There were balloons everywhere and a white carpet that led from the door to the table at the very end of the room.

Liliana’s breath caught in her throat as she saw it. Over a hundred copies of her book sat elegantly, inviting the guests to take a copy of the finished product home with them to read, or to gift. She descended the stairs and only then did she realise just how busy the event was. People stood close together chatting about the industry, their lives, and the book, and Liliana had to squeeze her way past.

She got pulled into a few different conversations as she made her way to the table. Only one thing remained the same with each conversation. Every person she spoke to congratulated her on the book and told her how much they’d enjoyed the story.

It was overwhelming to have so many people tell her how amazing she was and how great the book was. Everything started with a small seed of an idea and it had led to that evening. She couldn’t be any more proud of herself and she loved that everyone seemed to enjoy the book that she had poured blood, sweat and tears into.

So many tears.

When she finally managed to reach the table of books, she tilted the remnants of her first glass of prosecco down her throat in a last ditch attempt to stop herself from crying. Throughout the process of printing the book, she had refrained from looking at the finished product until the launch event. She’d insisted that she wanted to take it all in with everyone around her but in reality it was so that she didn’t pull it out of production.

Even after two years of knowing that the book was happening and that people were going to read her story, the thought of people actually reading it made her insides twist uncomfortably. She had been far more vulnerable than she had set out to be and she worried that people were going to look at her with sympathy rather than anything else. She didn’t want sympathy. All she wanted was to tell children and teenagers that they aren’t alone in whatever they’re going through.

The tips of her fingers ran over the title of the book, the words ‘Still Holding On’, raised off the page and shinier than the background. Her name sat proudly at the bottom.

Liliana Esme.

She snapped a quick photo of the book and smiled to herself. Tears pricked her eyes as she stared at it. She was happy. Happier than she had been in a long time. Everything had started to fall into place and she felt like her life meant something. Like she was doing what she was meant to be doing.

The room was exceptionally crowded when she turned back to look at everyone who had come out to celebrate with her. Martin, Jacob, Evelyn and a few other colleagues were at a table close by and they beckoned over to her. She let them know that she would be there shortly and Evelyn turned to her with a bright smile. Liliana breathed deeply and she mouthed a thank you to her friend who simply winked at her.

The event was a big deal and Liliana had been a bag of anxiety for weeks leading up to it. She had bought multiple dresses before deciding on the sage green one she wore; she had rehearsed the speech she was supposed to make over and over again until it was perfect and she had told herself, and Evelyn, on multiple occasions that she wasn’t going because it was all too much for her and she was overwhelmed.

Yet as she stood watching everybody socialise, she was so glad that she didn’t cancel. That Evelyn had talked her into not cancelling on everybody the night before. Everyone was there for her and nobody had said anything negative to her like her mind had told her that they would.

Martin walked over to where Liliana was and wrapped a gentle arm around her shoulder, hugging her softly as she smiled at him.

‘Our esteemed guests,’ he shouted into the room, tapping a spoon against his glass of prosecco to get everyone’s attention. ‘Can we all give a round of applause for our amazing author, Liliana?’

The room erupted into applause and Liliana couldn’t contain the smile that played at her lips.

‘I remember Liliana walking into a conference room two years ago with these insanely detailed slides and she handed Evangeline and I both this folder with all of the information we could possibly want. I knew as soon as she handed me that, that one day we would be at her book launch. And here we are. Liliana has worked tirelessly throughout the process of her book. She came into the office daily and got on with regular work. But I would often walk down to the offices and find her writing or talking to Evelyn about the book and I loved it. We are so grateful to have you be part of our team, Liliana. Here’s to you.’

Everyone lifted their glasses in the air and toasted Liliana. Martin moved a few steps to the left and gave Liliana the spotlight. She smiled at everyone and filled her lungs with air before sipping her prosecco lightly.

‘Thank you so much, everyone. I’ve practised this speech hundreds of times already. I practised it in the shower; in my head on the tube on the way to work; in bed before I sleep; when I’m cooking dinner. You get the gist,’ she chuckled. ‘This book means more to me than words will ever describe. I have poured the most vulnerable version of myself onto these pages and I have seriously lost count of how many times I deleted things and then rewrote them. I cried more than I have in years while writing this and I feel like if I had any tears left to cry, I would be a complete mess right now. Thank you so much for coming and joining me while I celebrate this new chapter of my life, pun fully intended.’

Another round of applause echoed throughout the room and people slowly started to go back to their private conversations. Liliana took a minute to really let everything sink in before she walked over to Evelyn and Jacob who were biting at the nail to hug her and let their excitement out. They pulled her into a group hug when she got to them and she chuckled loudly, holding them as tightly as she could.

‘God this is all so overwhelming,’ she whispered as she looked around the room again.

‘I am so proud of you,’ Evelyn said. ‘Like so incredibly proud of you.’

Liliana hugged her again and flagged down a waiter to get another glass of champagne. ‘Thank you.’

‘So,’ Jacob said after grabbing himself another drink, ‘I was talking to James Daunt and he said that he is incredibly interested in getting you on a couple of signings.’

‘James Daunt?’ Liliana asked. Jacob only nodded. There was a certain glint in his eye that she couldn’t work out though. ‘As in…the founder of Daunt Books and current CEO of Waterstones?’

‘See, Evie? She knows more about this stuff than you thought. Yes, that James Daunt. I’m going to meet with him on Monday and see what kind of things we can offer one another. But I have a good feeling about this.’

‘Jacob, I know we said that these things might happen but a book tour already? Surely it’s too early!’

Jacob nodded, and Evelyn motioned for him to say something else. Liliana looked between her two friends with furrowed eyebrows, waiting for one of them to speak up.

‘Martin had a meeting earlier.’

‘Right? He always has meetings. This isn’t new information.’

‘No, it’s not. But the fact that you’re already stupidly close to being a Sunday Times Bestseller is.’

Liliana’s face dropped. ‘A Sunday Times Bestseller? The book doesn’t come out until tomorrow! How is that possible? I don’t. What?’

‘Preorders. It looks like your marketing ideas really paid off. Waterstones have a very limited supply that they can actually put in stores right now because of the number of preorders. Same with WHSmith. The chances of you getting the title is ridiculously high. And the fact that it’s a debut novel with these numbers is unheard of. It’s all Martin can talk about.’

Evelyn squeezed Liliana as she stared at Jacob. She couldn’t do anything but stare at him. Until a few people started to move away from the table closest to them and she saw the one person she hadn’t expected to see. She saw him.

He was standing in the far corner of the room on his own with her book in his hand. She could see from where she was that he was tracing the title with the tips of his fingers in a similar fashion to how she had when she first arrived. Her heart pounded deep within her chest when she saw him.

‘Excuse me, you two. I just need to go and say-’ she paused and looked back to her two friends, ‘-hi to somebody.’

Each step closer to him echoed in her ears. The click of her heels against the wooden floor was the loudest thing she could hear. The closer she got, the more she could see what he was doing. He wasn’t tracing the title as she’d first thought. He was tracing her name and there was the smallest hint of a smile on his face.

He’d changed a lot but that was to be expected when so long had passed. He’d grown a lot too. He was more manly and his shoulders were broader than she’d ever seen them. The sleeves of his navy blue suit jacket were tight against his biceps.

Short stubble grew on the lower half of his face and a pair of gold framed glasses perched against his nose and Liliana broke out in a smile. She’d always told him that he needed them but he’d always brushed her off. He said he wouldn’t look good in glasses. He did.

Even though his looks had changed, he still strongly resembled the boy she’d known all those years before.

‘Taron,’ she whispered. Her voice was barely audible over the noise in the room but he’d heard her.

He looked up from the book and Liliana could visibly see his shoulders relax ever so slightly. ‘Liliana,’ he said, almost as if he wasn’t sure that it was really her there. The same way she had when she’d seen him from the other side of the room. She wanted to reach her hand out and touch him, just to make sure. ‘Congratulations.’

‘I didn’t know if you would come.’ She couldn’t stop staring at him. He couldn’t stop staring at her. ‘I kind of thought you would have forgotten me.

Taron’s face dropped and he shook his head. ‘How could I ever forget you, Lil?’

Lil.

One word and her heart pounded harder than it had been before. She could remember the last time she’d heard the nickname fall from his lips. They were on a train platform making promises that neither of them would keep.

The name only he was allowed to call her. Nobody who knew them both dared. There had been times when people Liliana had met tried to call her Lil but she had asked them politely if they minded not calling her that. And for the most part people just accepted her wishes and continued calling her something else. Those who tried to ask why were met with a ‘because I don’t like it’. She did like it. She loved it. But only when it was Taron calling her it.

‘Can I give you a hug?’ He asked tentatively.

Liliana nodded with a smile and sighed happily when her arms wrapped around his waist and he leaned his chin on her shoulder. He swayed her lightly but never pulled away.

‘I don’t know why this feels so strange,’ he mumbled. ‘It feels so right but so…different? I don’t even think that’s the right word to describe it.’

‘I know,’ she said quietly. His arms tightened around her a little and her eyes fluttered closed. ‘But I guess that’s what fourteen years apart will do to us. It’s almost like we’re strangers again even though we knew one another so well before.’

‘Fourteen years?’ Taron asked as he pulled away, completely bewildered. ‘I’ll be damned.’

‘I try not to think about it,’ Liliana chuckled sadly. ‘It means we’re getting old.’

She tipped the remainder of her prosecco down her throat with an amused smile. The last time they’d seen one another, they couldn’t drink legally. Not that it ever stopped them. They’d moved on from alcopops at house parties in Aberystwyth to prosecco at major events in London. Taron joined her in finishing his glass, grabbing two more from the waiter who was walking past at just the right time.

‘You’re younger than me, Lil.’

‘By three weeks. That’s barely any difference! We’re both almost thirty-two. That’s just too crazy for me to even begin to think about.’ They both laughed, tapping their glasses together in a show of agreement. ‘Thank you, for coming tonight. It means a lot that you came.’

Taron nodded, holding a hand to her shoulder in comfort. ‘I wouldn’t miss it for the world. I can’t lie to you, I did think that maybe you had forgotten about me. It’s been so long, Lil. Too long.’

His voice was full of hurt and she tried her hardest to not cry in front of him. ‘How could I ever have forgotten you, T?’ He shrugged. ‘I’ve kept up with your life a little bit, big shot movie star. I saw the poster for Rocketman a couple of years ago on the way home from work. It was actually the day that I pitched the book. There was a queue outside the cinema and then I saw the poster. I was so proud of you. I am so insanely proud of you.’

‘I’m so proud of you, big shot author.’ He picked up the book that he’d placed on the table next to him and waved it in the air, earning a chuckle from his former best friend. ‘I’d say I can’t believe you finally did it but I can believe it. You were so set on being an author and now look at you.’

‘Did you read the acknowledgements?’ Liliana asked, motioning to the book with a tip of her head. ‘I think you’d like them.’

‘I read the dedication. It was really lovely. But who’s Matilda?’

‘My little sister.’ Taron’s eyes widened slightly and his head tilted to the right. He took a deep breath as though processing the news that she was a sister. ‘She’s ten now, and the reason that the book even exists.’

‘Is she here?’

Liliana blinked back tears and shook her head, pulling her top lip between her teeth as she twisted the stem of her glass between her fingers to distract herself from the fact that the only other person she would have wanted to be there couldn’t be there.

‘I’m sorry,’ Taron said, holding his hand out. ‘I shouldn’t have asked.’

‘You weren’t to know,’ Liliana smiled, sniffling. ‘I’d have loved for her to be here but it didn’t work out. I really do think that you’ll like the acknowledgements, by the way.’

Taron flicked through the pages of the book until he saw the acknowledgments, opening it wider so that he could read them. He pushed his glasses up his nose properly so that he could see before he started to read.

This book has been two decades in the making. I first thought of the idea when I was twelve, riding my bike on the streets of Aberystwyth with my best friend, singing at the top of my lungs. I let myself believe that I was going to lift off the ground and fly far away. And I did. To some degree.

But I never forgot my best friend.

Taron, I want to thank you. Thank you for being there for me through the darkest days and always believing in me, even when I didn’t believe in myself. And thank you for never, ever giving up on me. I miss you so much and I hope that one day you’ll read this book and realise just how big of an impact you had on my life all those years ago.

And to Tina. My second mum who loved me like her own daughter and showed me what it was to become a strong, independent woman. Without you, I wouldn’t know how to survive. Not only did you teach me what it means to be a great person, you also taught me how to love with my whole heart. If it weren’t for your love and your pride in me, this book would not exist. Thank you.

‘You know she’s going to sob when she sees this, right?’ Taron chuckled through a sniffle, wiping his cheeks to remove the tears that had started to fall. ‘Thank you. So much. I missed you too.’

He grabbed her and pulled her into another tight hug, lifting her onto her tiptoes and burying his face in her neck.

‘Don’t crease the dress,’ she giggled, wrapping her arms around him just as tightly. She felt secure in his arms and she smiled into him, letting herself feel like a child again, just for a short moment. ‘I meant it all. Thank you for never giving up on me. Your mum and you were family to me and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to thank you both enough.’

‘I didn’t do any of it for a thank you,’ he whispered into the shell of her ear, goosebumps rising on her arms and legs. ‘But you’re welcome nonetheless. And mum really is going to sob.’

‘I’m trying my hardest not to right now, I can’t lie.’

They pulled apart and looked at each other for a little moment. Taron wiped a single tear that had started to fall down her cheek with his thumb and smiled at her before they both turned to face the room. Liliana was still so overwhelmed by everything that had happened that evening but with Taron by her side, nothing felt as scary anymore.

‘If only eleven-year-old me could see me now.’

November 3rd, 2000

‘And this,’ the guest speaker said as he changed the slide on the overhead projector, ‘is only a minor injury that I’ve seen thanks to the unsafe use of fireworks.’

The entire hall of year seven students groaned, and Liliana closed her eyes tightly trying her best to not vomit on the person in front of her. She hated fireworks at the best of times but when she saw the damage that they could do to people, she swore to never touch one, no matter how old she got.

Taron turned towards her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her into his side unnoticeably, not prepared to get told off by one of the teachers in the hall, nevermind getting asked multiple times by the other students if they were boyfriend and girlfriend. ‘You know that only happens when idiots get a hold of them, right?’

‘We’re eleven!’ She whisper-yelled. ‘They don’t need to show us this stuff. It’s not like we’re going to be stupid enough to actually use fireworks.’

‘I can give you the names of two people in our year group who would make you think differently,’ he whispered, motioning to the front of the hall.

Liliana peered to the front left of the navy bleachers where the two ‘bad boys’ of the year group sat, accompanied by a teaching assistant who had, on numerous occasions already in the fifteen minute assembly, told them to stop talking and pay attention.

‘But it’s not like I’m going to be setting any off tonight. Or ever, for that matter. My mum says we’re going to Aunty Rachel’s for a bonfire and I will be in pyjamas, playing on my Gameboy in the living room and eating my weight in bonfire toffee. I don’t want any part of bonfire night. I hate it.’

Taron chuckled but quietened quickly when Mr Charles looked up at the two of them. He turned his attention back to the front of the hall and Liliana followed his lead. Though she greatly regretted it when yet another disturbing image of an injury was shown on the large screen. Her stomach twisted into tight knots at the sight. She really hated bonfire night.

As they were about to be shown the different types of fireworks, and no doubt the dangers that come with each, the door to the hall opened and their head of year Mrs Harris walked in and scanned the bleachers. Her eyes stopped at Liliana and she gave her a sad smile.

Taron looked at Liliana in confusion and she could only shrug.

‘I’m really sorry,’ Mrs Harris said quietly from where she stood, ‘but can I pinch Liliana Thomas please?’

Liliana stood up and started to move towards the steps in the centre of the bleachers to walk to her head of year. ‘Bring your bag with you, sweetheart.’

The room erupted in a group ‘ooooh’ and Liliana’s heart sank to the pit of her stomach. She would be the talk of the year group for the rest of the day and for the following week for sure. Taron passed her bag to her and gave her a smile.

‘I’ll see you on Monday.’

‘See you Monday,’ she whispered.

Mrs Harris ushered Liliana to be as fast as she could, and when she was within reaching distance, she placed her hand on her back and guided her out of the hall. They walked through to the reception area and Liliana’s heart pounded the second she saw her mum waiting for her.

Her mum had tear stained cheeks and held Liliana tightly when she saw her. Liliana was scared and confused all at the same time, the knots in her stomach pulling tighter with each breath she took.

‘Mum, what’s happening?’ She asked quietly.

‘We’re going to your Aunty Rachel’s house now. I’ll explain in the car. Thank you Mrs Harris, for letting me take her home.’

The head of year smiled sweetly. ‘It’s no problem. I’ll see you on Monday, Liliana. Well done in choir this morning, by the way. You sounded lovely.’

‘Thank you. I’ll see you on Monday.’

The walk to the car, despite only taking ten seconds in reality, seemed to take hours. Each step Liliana took got heavier, her feet dragging behind her like lead weights holding her down. Her uncle was in the car waiting for her and her mum with his hands gripping the steering wheel so tightly that his knuckles were an off white, yellow colour. It was a wonder that he could turn the wheel at all with how tightly he was holding it.

‘Mum, what’s going on? I’m scared.’

Liliana fastened her seatbelt and pulled it tight against her middle, settling herself into the seat and staring at the back of her mum’s head. Eliza turned to face her daughter, only half of her face visible from the passenger seat of the car. The air in the car was thick and Liliana found it difficult to breathe. She opened the window a little and breathed deeply. The cold November air burned her nostrils but it was easier to breathe so she didn’t care.

The car lurched forward but Liliana continued to watch her mum.

‘Your dad cheated on me,’ she confessed, sniffing loudly. ‘It’s why he wanted us to break up a few weeks ago. I had a feeling something was happening so your Uncle Tom took me to find out. I caught him with Carolyn this afternoon. I came straight here to pick you up so that he couldn’t. I don’t want you around her. Or him right now.’

Everything turned to slow motion around them. The fifteen minute drive felt like a fifteen hour drive. There was no music playing in the car as there normally was so Liliana was alone with her thoughts, the faint pounding of her heart in her ears the only sound she could focus on. Time didn’t feel real. One second they were at the school and the next they were on the main road headed towards town. But it felt like they hadn’t started to move.

As she sat in the car with the world passing by around her, things started to make sense. Her dad was doing more plumbing jobs than he had been in a while, and on days when he normally wouldn’t. He would leave before she went to school and come home after she was in bed. He would often tell Liliana and Eliza that he hadn’t realised what time it was, or that his friend had cooked him dinner as a thank you for helping with the plumbing. He would hide the name of the person calling him, picking up his phone and running to another bedroom to talk. He was deleting messages when he sent them and he didn’t seem to pay attention to anybody else in the house.

Everything seemed to slot together and Liliana couldn’t help but cry. It was all too much for her. She thought that her parents were madly in love with one another and that they would be together forever. That she would be one of the lucky ones whose parents didn’t divorce. They had spoken about maybe trying to have another baby, to give Liliana a sibling. But that clearly wasn’t going to happen anymore.

Her dad had cheated and lost the trust of not only his wife but his daughter too. Liliana felt sick knowing what he had done, and the hurt that he had caused.

Only three weeks prior he had told Liliana that he and her mum were splitting up because they didn’t love one another anymore. She had been heartbroken and cried herself to sleep that night, sobbing uncontrollably into her pillow thinking about a life without her parents together. The next day, when Eliza had gone to the house to see Liliana, her dad had a panic attack severe enough that he wound up in the hospital hooked up to machines to check the strength of his heart.

Eliza had gone with him and by the time they got home late that evening, they told Liliana that they were back together and for three weeks, they acted as if breaking up never happened. But nothing had been the same since.

They’d been on spontaneous trips at the weekend, visiting the zoo and a theme park, and travelling further north to see her grandparents whom she hadn’t seen in a while. But no trip could heal the wounds of having her emotions toyed with the way that they had been. She still cried herself to sleep most nights, and she’d woken up on a couple of occasions to an ambulance parked outside and paramedics talking to her dad.

‘I don’t want to talk to him,’ she said as they got nearer her aunt’s house. ‘I don’t want to talk to him if he calls. Not right now at least.’

‘That’s fine,’ Eliza said sadly. ‘You’re old enough now to make your own decisions about that. You don’t have to see him until you’re ready. But even when you are, I’d rather you not be around Carolyn.’

‘I understand.’

Her dad didn’t reach out for a couple of weeks. To reach out would be to reach out to Eliza as Liliana had no way of communication other than through her mum. He didn’t know how Liliana felt about anything, or what she had been told, but clearly it couldn’t have mattered that much to him if he couldn’t be bothered to pick up the phone or visit her.

And then one day he did reach out. He wanted to see Liliana, and Liliana wanted to see him. She hadn’t seen him for two weeks and she needed to see her dad. She cried when she found out that she was going to be seeing him but she didn’t quite know why.

Eliza agreed to him seeing Liliana, but insisted that he come to the house to see her for an hour and that he leave Carolyn at home. He walked into the house with his tail between his legs, not looking at Eliza once. Liliana, who had been excited to see her dad when she knew he was going to be there, didn’t know how to react when he was actually there.

She hugged him quickly before running to sit back on the sofa where she had left her Gameboy playing a game. It was an awkward visit. Neither she nor her dad knew what to say to one another. They didn’t really have anything to say to one another. Liliana wanted to know why her dad had cheated but he didn’t try to say anything so she left it, turning the TV on to watch something.

‘Why are you keeping her from me?’ He asked Eliza when she had finished prepping Liliana’s dinner. He stood from the sofa to stand over her.

Liliana cowered into the corner of the sofa, lifting her Gameboy to play as a way of distracting herself from what she knew would be a blowout argument which she didn’t want to hear.

‘I haven’t been keeping her from you,’ Eliza replied firmly. ‘It’s Lili who’s said that she doesn’t want to talk to you right now. And I don’t blame her, either. After what you did to the two of us, I’m surprised she even wanted to see you today.’

‘Oh fuck off, Eliza. You’re always trying to get her to pick sides and you do everything to get her to pick yours. I’m so fucking glad I don’t have to deal with you anymore, you bitch.’

‘I’m the one trying to get her to pick sides? What about when you picked her up from school the day you kicked me out and you told her that we just didn’t love one another anymore? How about that? That wasn’t you trying to seem like the good guy? Get the fuck out of my house.’

‘Your house? That’s rich. It was my parents who picked it for us. MINE. I’m only letting you stay here because of Liliana. If it weren’t for her, you’d be homeless or living with your shitty mum.’

‘Get. The. Fuck. Out. Of. My. House. I’ll call the police if I have to.’ Liliana stayed frozen on the sofa with tears streaming down her face so fast that her eyes had started to sting.

‘Look, you’ve made her cry now. How does that feel? Knowing you’ve made your own daughter cry?’

‘Don’t bring her into this. She’s scared because you started screaming. Now get the fuck out!’

Her dad walked to the front door and swung it open harshly, stepping outside and walking to his car. ‘You’ve not heard the last of me yet,’ he threatened as he unlocked the car and opened the door.

‘I hope you wrap that thing around a tree and die, arsehole!’

Liliana sobbed into the sofa, more scared than she had ever been. It felt like a part of her had died inside. How would she amount to anything? She was destined for the same life her parents had, she could feel it.

November 5th, 2021

The book launch had started to die down and slowly but surely, people were starting to make their way home. It was getting close to ten thirty and Liliana was less than sober. She smiled at everybody she saw and offered them a glass of prosecco. When they turned down her offer she offered a shot instead. Evelyn and Jacob had taken her to a table to keep her from dancing on top of one, but they both loved how carefree she was.

The entire evening had been a success and Liliana was on cloud nine. Jacob had continued to speak to different book stores and had got a list of the best ones he wanted to talk to the following week before he would present his ideas to Liliana. Even if he wanted to talk to her about it that night, there was no way that she would remember it.

Every time a round of prosecco was walked around the room, she’d had one. If she still had some in her glass when another waiter walked by, she downed it and grabbed a fresh one. Evelyn had joined her for a little while but then switched to water so that she could make sure that Liliana got home safely. It was a forty-five minute Uber ride back to Liliana’s flat and at least one of them had to have some wits about them. And it was Liliana’s night so Evelyn forfeited her alcohol consumption, something that Liliana took as a need to drink for the both of them.

‘God I’m so lonely recently,’ Liliana sighed, elbow on the table and cheek smushed into her hand. ‘It’s been like, god I don’t even know how long since I last went on a date or anything. It’s like there’s this fire in me and I don’t know how to put it out.

‘You just need to get yourself out there, babe,’ Jacob laughed as he shimmied in front of her playfully. ‘When was the last time you got laid?’

‘I can’t even remember,’ Liliana groaned, fake crying.

‘Hey, I have to get going,’ Taron whispered in Liliana’s ear, hoping to not interrupt the conversation. ‘I’m sorry to pull you away from your conversation.’

Liliana put her hand on his arm to steady herself. The room had started to spin a few minutes before and she found it difficult to stand up straight. ‘Oh, I’m glad you did,’ she laughed. ‘Jacob was about to suggest something crude and I’d rather not listen to it. I’m so glad that you came. It was really lovely getting to see you again.’

‘I’m so glad that you invited me,’ he replied. ‘Would it be too cheesy to get your number, if it’s changed since we last spoke, so that we could maybe sort out to meet again? I don’t want to go back to being strangers.’

Liliana smiled, letting herself lean against his arm gently. He smelled good. A lot nicer than what he used to smell like as a teen. ‘I’m so glad you don’t wear that Diesel cologne anymore.’

‘The one you bought me as a gift?’

‘Yeah, it smelled so bad.’

Taron laughed. ‘Nice to know you thought I smelled bad.’

‘I meant, you smell better now.’

‘Thanks, I think. Here, let me get my phone.’

He pulled his phone from his pocket and opened his contacts app, scrolling down to L and clicking on Liliana’s name. She noticed and couldn’t help but smiling, scrolling through contacts until she got to ‘T’.

‘I wanted to text you when I saw the Rocketman poster,’ she confessed. ‘Took me a solid fifteen minutes to talk myself out of it.’

‘You talked yourself out of texting me? How come?’

Liliana shrugged gently. ‘I guess I was worried that you didn’t remember me. And then I realised that your phone number would have probably changed and it would have been far too awkward sending a random person a photo of the Rocketman poster telling them how proud I was that they’d made it big.’

‘Okay yeah that’s probably for the best,’ he laughed quietly. ‘Here, put your new number in here and I’ll text you so that you can save mine.’

‘Can you do it for me? I’m seeing double right now.’

Taron nodded, taking Liliana’s phone and sending himself a text. ‘Here you go. I promise I’ll text you soon, okay. Thank you for a great night.’

‘Thank you. I should probably head home soon to be honest.’

‘Make sure to drink some water, okay?’

‘I promise, T.’

‘Goodnight, Lil.’

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