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chemicalarospec · 7 months

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they're making steel pipe parodies on bilibili now... (volume warning, I think)

#i love chinese memes #youtube doesn' show me the western version of stuff like this anymore #i said this #bilibili adventures #just a quick one for tonight #did some genshin gamign and thought about watching something after but eh #prolly should just go to bed #yes i finally made my return to genshin hehe #i think the song is a meme itself #the format is 'with the sound of drowning [song name?]‚ [meme crossover] appears'#hm. this other one i've found. appears to be an edit to the song. of a drama about a chinese modern historical figure.

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nomaishuttle · 5 months

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ohhh fml i was like maybe i cn stya up a bit late after all its weekend tomorrow. no it fucking isnt today was thursday i have work tmrw everything is evil always

#gonna get ready 4 bed ig.. i wanna try n wake up at ermm 545 bc ive been sleeping in far too much and ive barely been brushing my teeth in #the mornings ive mostly just been doing mouthwash #aughhh idk why my body is being so dire today my thighs r doing the incredibly weak and fatigued thing again. i feel like that tweet thats #like im probably nonbinary but i have a job so idc abt that rn but its i probably have some undiagnosed physical disorders but i live in a #garage so idc abt that rn #idk. its been going on for a couple years but its been getting worse to the point i can barely move my legs when it happens #that and then my limbs have been falling asleep very quickly even when theres nothing thyat would like. im not laying on them or anything #ill just be walking or something arms at my sides and one or both will get rly bad pins and needles #and it rly sucks and is weird. but again i live in a fucking garage so it is fr the least of my worries #like rn at my computer typing my arm isnt resting on anything or having any pressure put on it and my hand is falling asleep. UGH #it has been happening a ton with my hands i get this weirxd sensation in my wrist/palm zone that like. idk #its weird and i should prolly get it checked out but i dont have a dr rn and like. worst case scenario i chop my arms off and either surviv #and have a good story or i die and dont have to go to work anymore. so

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mosspapi · 1 month

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Honestly I genuinely feel like my life would be so much easier if I had a wheelchair. But I technically don't Need one and the people in charge of my money and healthcare and shit (against my will but. Yknow) would never agree to get me one so like. It is what it is ig

#idk man I'm just. like rn for example. I want smth from the circleK and then to go sit outside.#and im not tired enough to need to lay in bed atm but I absolutely cannot walk for the 3-5 minutes it would take to do that.#if I didn't need to stand and walk to do that I would still b able to do things. but I can't.#and it's hard not to just call myself a lazy and entitled ass for not wanting to walk for 3 mins bcuz Technically I can. but it's so #detrimental for me to do that and causes massive issues and makes everything harder yknow? but I Can so I Should.#idk this is prolly incoherent I'm having A Time #armchair speaks #actually disabled #physically disabled

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toytulini · 9 months

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i did do the things i was avoiding yesterday, for those keeping track

#toy txt post #scheduled a dr appt and a mechanic appt #hopefully both me and my car get fixed uwu #tbh itll prolly Just be my car. but. yea #idk. had the panic of realizing i have like 3 weeks of FMLA leave left and my wrists are not. going back to where they were before this #maybe that wouldve happened had i taken such a break like. right when it started 😔#but alas i didnt realize how much of it was my job. and i had to go insane first. i really need to find a new job hhhhh #i was like oh ill take like a month off thatll fix me. it did not fix me. oh noooooooo #idk maybe if i switch to recieving ill be like 10% less insane? im filled with dread tho. whenever i go back theyll have the fucking robots #and ill have to miss my big renn faire bc i needed time off to rest and ill go back to being so exhausted #and ill probably freak out and quit on the spot and piss off my parents and get more depressed......anyway #i should. get out of bed. eat breakfast get dressed pot tiny plants clean the bathroom drop off tiny plants etc

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this-doesnt-endd · 2 months

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Watched 13 going on 30 and was like okay im gonna get my life together and we'll start by cleaning and ive hit the point where im hungry and im either making food and possibly staying awake possibly falling right asleep or not making food and just going to bed but i have the emotional momentum and i dont wanna lose it

#maybe if i hadnt been struggling w netflix forever i would have had dinner #now that i think abt it i dont think i really had anything today other than drinks #ill prolly go to bed cause i dont wanna make anything #i thought i had a top ramen i do not and my microwave mac n cheese is the big one not the small one so i dont wanna make it #i want some fries #had some amazing fries last night and i want them again #but its late so i prolly should just go to bed #i got a lot done this morning then vibed i was feeling so productive i was gonna sew a nightgown then i took a nap #and none of that happened

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eorzeanflowers · 11 months

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...

#the rare leigh #prolly will delete later #the bad late night thoughts #sundays are honestly pretty bad for me #not because of any religious trauma thankfully #i just get a chance to unfortunately get stuck with my own thoughts for too long #but man i miss rp'ing so much #i really wish I had more time or energy for it #i should just go to bed #that'll help #always does #*sigh*

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paskariu · 1 year

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playing the lego skywalker saga with no knowledge of star wars is incredible.

i know that darth vader is important and that luke skywalker is the chosen one to bring him down or smth and that apparently luke is vader's son. obi wan exists. as does master (to)yoda, and r2-d2 (aka the only valid time to say "zwo" instead of "zwei")

i'm pretty sure some scenes are just for fans to go "I KNOW THAT CHARACTER HIIIIIIIIII" though. it kept cutting to some guys during some cutscenes and just... lingered on them existing??? sorry man those people mean nothing to me.

this jarjar guy keeps on getting hit by shit in the background. i don't mind i find his way of speaking incredibly grating

lil anakin is honestly adorable i'll adopt him but the whole "we're literally buying a child" thingy is a lil hmmmmmmmmmmmmm

also the entering a LITERALL CHILD into a pod race seems a little illegal. child safety laws or smth. then again he's literally a slave i guess. rip to his mom who we're leaving behind i guess. this probably won't have any negative consequences

#riu speaks #i prolly should go to bed bc it's 2am but alas unhealthy coping mechanism time it is #can't sleep when i'm in a suboptimal mood #or at least i don't want to #should i make a tag for this??? idk how often i'll post about the game again #wait are those things i said spoilers for starwars?????#ah well people don't follow me for that i think (since i literally never posted about it really) soooooo i will just say fuck it

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that-was-anticlimactic · 2 years

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I MISS NANAMIIIIIIIIIII

#working on my ts nanami oneshot for ts month and it is at 2.2k words right now #i have a feeling this is going to get kinda long prolly not like 8k or anything but Still longer than i honestly expect the rest of my ts #fics to get lol and the thing is this'll be the angstiest one which like duh it's jjk but sTILL there;'s angst in all of them but #not like This #i miss him so much #what do you mean nanami is dead and nobara is still not back??? no no no they are simply in s.okka's labyrinth #hahahahahahha... ha... h... a #i should go to bed it is eleven pm and i have work at seven am lol #but writing this just makes me think about how much i miss nanami #jjk spoilers

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faillen · 2 years

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#today is a Bad body day #cw body dysmorphia #should prolly get that out of the way #it’s really lovely out but getting dressed has taken me almost an hour #i can’t decide where to go #and honestly I feel on the verge of tears because I really really miss my college roommates #i wanna go to TJs bc I know it’ll be fall themed in a way that I need rn bc this city does really have a fall that feels like fall #but at the same time it keeps bringing up a lot of really really fond memories of doing autumn things with college friends #I’m so mad that it’s seventy degrees out I’m so mad that there’s no bite to the wind and most of the trees aren’t turning colors #most days I don’t care and in fact love the relative consistency of the weather here #it’ll be a godsend come winter #but I really miss a lot of people that I love right. is #and I should go outside but I kind of just want to curl up in bed #I’m gonna go. because I know if I don’t #I’ll feel terrible in the evening #i just needed to get this out before I do

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neverendingford · 2 months

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#tag talk #just realized the intense depression and associated anger issues and intrusive violent thoughts are prolly related to the Lamictal I starte #I was like “I don't think I need this don't think it'll help but I'll try it for science” because I'll try anything once #and uhhh. I went to go to bed and realized there was a bowl with food tucked into my bed covers.#laundry all over is one thing. that's kind of normal. but food in my bed is massive warning bells so I was like uh oh that's real depressio #so anyway i messaged my dr like hey I think these meds are making me feel so fucking lethargic and despondent and also I want to kill peopl #because I would just stop taking them but I'm willing to see what she thinks.#also my current psychiatrist is really great and I like her a lot idk if I already talked about her but she's really cool.#the first one I got was an absolute dick and was passive aggressive towards me and also straight up lied in her notes about me?#said that I had said I'm not sexually active and like. bitch where did I ever say that ever that's literally untrue and you wrote it down.#like. I don't think medical professionals are supposed to lie about you actually that's kind of a big problem #also she was like “I'm not seeing adhd here at all” and wanted to do a full on adhd diagnosis before trying any meds for it #whereas my new person was just like “oh you don't have to talk about being adhd it's pretty obvious to me” and I was like kissing you kissi #ng you kissing you kissing you kissing y #but yeah. I don't think I want to keep taking these meds and I think I'm just gonna take the meds I have to today not the short term ones #some days I just don't need my adhd meds or I would rather feel my normal relatively unproductive self.#still gonna take the ssri and estrogen obvs cause those need to keep up levels in my body and also duh I wanna keep my E levels up #but the others nah my body is super sensitive to meds (or any substances tbh) so I need a break from them today I feel really unbalanced #I did have my gf deadass ask me “should I be worried?” when I mentioned the violent intrusive thoughts and I was like no no no no it's fine #because like. I've never genuinely hurt someone fully impulsively like that. it's all thoughts it's all in the head #I'm not gonna kidnap and murder and dissect anyone it's just theoretical situations my brain likes to fuck me up with.#but it does kinda suck to have people around you inherently mistrust you because of how your brain works.#my brother told me a while back that he locks his door at night because he's worried about me and you do know how fucking hurtful that is?#the person you trust enough to move out and move in with is afraid of you enough to lock their door at night.#not like that would stop me if I genuinely did try to hurt him obviously. interior door locks are a joke.#but like... that someone would hear you talk about intrusive thoughts and genuinely think you capable of them to some extent.#idk that hurts a lot.#I wish I weren't like this.

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maybeyoullremember · 7 months

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I rehome insects, I don’t believe in zoos, and something I think is special about me is I never kill living things. There’s no fkn way I’m harming an alien of any kind if or when they come hangout.

#I should go to bed #it’s just this new movie on Hulu has me pondering #like could I kill cugo #nah prolly not #but maybe if it came down to it? them or me? idk

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audiovisualrecall · 1 year

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'If you decide very soon we could drive you to pick up your food order' is NOT helpful for me bc very soon is meaningless. And i interpreted that as the time to decide I WANT to order (and what/where from) and not. Like. The time to also CALL AND PLACE THE ORDER and the wait time to make it. So literally that is absolutely useless and the opposite of helpful bc you also DIDNT TELL ME WHEN YOU NEED TO LEAVE/WHEN YOUR RESERVATIONS ARE FOR. so I was finished with something and decided I think I will take you up on this offer in time to find out actually you're leaving NOW for dinner and to be told you meant like. Immediately decide and call the order in. and that you have to be headed to dinner around 7. Maybe you should have said something???? Or at the 6:40 mark checked in?? But also the offer was useless anyway because this restaurant takes 6 years to prepare a simple panini bc theyre super busy or whatever so we wouldve been idling there waiting till 7:30, so that wouldnt have even been helpful for anyone. But still. Thanks for NOTHING. And no, i dont think you said 'right away' and you definitely did not say AN ACTUAL TIME or an AMOUNT of time (like, say, 15 minutes) and 'right away' is as meaningless to adhd brain as 'soon'.. you know I have consistently had problems with w ppl saying something vague like that instead of a concrete amount of time, and yet you don't learn to be specific!

#grumbling bc I'm HUNGRY now and i have no clue what to eat and its after 7 now and i cant start cooking now even if i had planned on it bc #i dont want to go to bed too late #prolly will anyway but still #so anyway instead I'm just sitting here on the sofa irritated and upset and hungry #idk i could do french toast wjth challah maybe. or toast heat some frozen pancakes if we have any #theres no way to make a small batch of pancakes fresh w this recipe so thats out #and I'm saving the good leftovers for lunches - 1 for tomorrow and the other is the same thing i ate today for lunch #so not a good dinner the same day lol #eugh tho #tempting to just go to sleep and not eat anything #but i didnt pack lunch stuff for tomorrow yet and i should do that before i fall asleep bc if i wake up starving i wont b able to doit then #or go back to sleep #but tired. and hungry #yes i Should cook maybe. not in the mood #was in a good mood all day until dad pulled this bullshit bc if he hadnt offered it i wouldve been ok figuring something out but #the LET DOWN ruins my mood just bc yay adhd brain bullshit.#and they were upset i was irritated/unhappy?#yes i love you bye see u later dont look like a kicked puppy #now i feel guilty for being snappish when they picked me up from work one yesterday the other today #and dad ordered and then went and picked up the wood for my bookcase #(he apparently decided we had planned to go with cherry even tho i thought we had decided on white oak but okay then!!! but still.)#idk #but i have a right to my feelings and i still feel awful for snapping anyway when it at least wasnt Ma's fault dad was dumb

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nomaishuttle · 9 months

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also in gonna say it the 2 hours in advance rule is so evil when its a morning shift. i usually wake up 30 minutes b4 i leave the house Bc the shift starts at literally 7.... so when i know i have to calloutbi have 2 wake up an hour and a half early.

#like i understand why i get you need advanced notification so you can make alternate arrangements ykyk. i totally get that. but omgg #it sucks basically.#technically im always supposed ro wake up at 5 and then go back 2 bed and sleep til 6 thats my like scheme. is the gist of it. but recently #ive judt been plugging my earbuds in the night before so i can just skip the waking up at 5 and its kindd of heavenly.#at my old job i Had 2 have my original 2 hour prior wakeup bc i only had one charging base #so i had to switch out my phone and my earbuds #the like schedule was phone from bedtime to 7 earbuds from 7 to 845 headphones from 845 til i got home. that one was a 9am BTW.#oh i should take my morning meds while im up.. im gonna try n go back 2 bed BTW. until 9 prolly... that seems like a normal time...

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dhampir-dyke · 1 year

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healthcare hero momence (:

Tw medical shit in tags

#if i get yelled at by one more methhead ill die #no maam you cannot drink water or order takeout you got methed up and blew a hole in your face with birdshot #no matter how many times or how many ways i explained it to her it didnt matter. finally she took the water she was using to swab her mouth #with. and water spilled out the holes in her face and throat like a fucking looney tune #it was a miracle she didnt aspirate #and then 5 mjnutes later my other lady with an NG tube rang- it had come unclamped and gastric fluid soaked her/the entire bed/the floor.#and the entire time i was trying to clean it up snd make her bed she was nagging me for going too slow #DO NOT go into healthcare if you dont like people or hate csring for others that a duh #but also. if you're overwhelmingly optimistic and love humans and humanity and community i think you should reconsider the field as well #bc nothing will fuck with your opinions of others quite like healthcare would. you will learn harsh truths whether you like it or not #and either way you're gonna see some horrific shit first hand. even if youre not a first responder youre liable to get a helping of #traumatic experiences + shit that will kindof just destroy your soul #and depending on how low on the totem pole you are #youll prolly get paid minimum wage to deal wit #h the Horrors

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the-name-is-loser · 1 year

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Souvenir au: Alyssa leaves Cash alive but to make her boss think she finished the job she has to bring back a souvenir from him. At best, a piece of clothing or tentacle. At worst, a different limb… or organ.

#loser’s liddol rambles #what organs would Octopi have…..#I was thinking like. on the organ side she’d prolly take a heart or smth because he should be able to live with two hearts #or another organ like. kidney. idk #my ocs: s2 #feel free to ask about my lil blorbos By the way I love Cash and Alyssa’s dynamic so much #they really said friends to lovers to enemies/estranged aquaintance #this is just me rambling before I go to bed so I don’t forget it #I’d likely remember it anyway but just to be safe

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this-doesnt-endd · 3 months

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I feel like my crown just shifted up oh my god

#i have a cleaning thursday before work so like i can tell someone #but also why did i do that i schedualed it super early like im already regreting it #considering itll be the day after valentines which means my shift ends at 9/9:30 #and ill have to be there at my dentist by 7:30am #its whatever i just need to finish my dental work at the office then get my wisdom tooh pulled and ill be done w my teeth health wise #and then its onto the allergy shots which reminds me i have to reschedual my appt w my ent hoepfully its not anything too crazy far out #but i wanna talk w him and be like hey these shits are expensive what are my options or do u wanna be a homie and update my diagnosis #so they can get covered by my insurance cause i think if i can breath at like even 80% capacity my life would immensly change #and i was reading abt how like major chronic allergies lead to inflamation and my drs were concered abt that n i know i need to lose weight #but not being able to breath thru my nose hinders that to a degree #but like severe allergies are horrible for inflamation and like fucks up ur body and its like no wonder i feel horrible all the time #and itll prolly massively improve my sleep which also helps you #and i gotta go see my thyroid dr whos on the opposite end of town and wont answer the fucking phone to schedule and appt #cause i have to do that to renew my prescription and frankly i wish my primary dr could take care of that or get a new thyroid dr in general #but shes on maternity leave so ill have to wait for that #my dentist is also on maternity leave so ill have to see a diff one #i also ghosted my cardiologist but he literally called and was like ur fine the tests we ran showed ur in good health #but u should be more in shape and i didnt want another lecure abt being fat so i didnt go but i prolly should tho my results #prolly arent relavent anymore #and ive attemped ive done my bike workout a bit but its also been winter and i cannot bring myself to do anything besides rot in bed #most of the time and if i am going out its like to the movies or events where i just stand around and talk to people very low effort #i also have to email that lady abt my cetificate i still havent gotten abd the haircut place who charved me twice and write that damn review #that ive forgotten so many times

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