I’ve been searching for AGES for a post that goes like. the OP says something, someone replies with something mildly offensive, and OP replies with something that absolutely destroys them, then someone else says “this is like seeing an ant and shooting it with a gun.” I’ve googled the phrase “like seeing an ant and shooting it with a gun” so many times over the past year trying to find this post and I CANNOT find it
this here was one of the first post cases i was ever handed. back then, i couldn't solve it. i had no idea how to solve it. everything i was tryin' was turnin' up blank. but i was a more experienced woman now. i knew my way around this site, and i knew how to talk circles around the Don, somethin' the younger me, more inexperienced, me could never do.
so i went down to the Search Bar to talk to Google. last time i approached them about this case, it was before they opened up this joint. but now, i was ready. i had the quote my client gave me in hand and asked them for it from tumblr. i was more forceful now, no pleasantries were shared between us. they looked me in the eye, tryin' to find some way to dance around the question again, but they knew they weren't speakin' to the same girl who opened up that P.P.I. office with nothin' but a dream. they were lookin' at a woman who out-classed them in wit, skill, and ingenuity. and so, they reached silently into their briefcase and pulled out the post i was lookin' for. i thanked them for their time and went to file it away. i left the Search Bar knowin' that if the young Miss Detective could see me now, she'd be proud of me...
here you are! sorry it took so long, but sometimes post cases require more experienced eyes. have a great day!
Post Case: Closed
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eyyy glad to see you ok!! Make sure to take it easy and don't push yourself too hard. C:
Soft Platonic and Domestic request: So Dante, Vergil, Nero and V are cuddling in bed with their partner, his head resting on their chest. How would the boys react to their partner running their fingers through their hair, in a soothing motion. ex: stroking their hair slowly and repetitively.
(Someone give these affection starved Spardas some love plz)
The aro in me does love a good platonic request 😩 and thank you!! trying not to pressure myself
Dante:
Probably the most receptive to this, or at least he enjoys it the most.
Once he trusts you more, he likes to be physical (only if you're comfortable with it, of course). Maybe not as much as in a romantic relationship but he's very touched starved and it shows. So he's always down for a good cuddle sesh.
And he loooovvvvvessss having his hair played with so he's pretty much in heaven. Purrs so much you're practically vibrating yourself. Might just grab your hand and plop it on his head after the first couple of times.
Also happy to return the favor should the roles be reversed. If he can play with your hair, that is. If not, he's happy to just traces soothing patterns up and down your back.
Vergil:
You'll have to ask him first, as you would most of the time if you want to touch him. It already takes an incredible amount of trust for him to even be in such a state around you so communication is key.
He's a little iffy about it but when he allows it, he enjoys it. Maybe not as much as Dante but touch in general is hard for him since he's really only used to pain resulting from it.
You'll hear no purring from him but maybe a content hum or sigh here and there. But that's basically the same thing for him.
Not likely to return the favor unless you ask and even then, it's hit or miss.
Overall just prefers to exist in the same space as you but isn't too adverse to all of this sometimes.
Nero:
A happy medium. Maybe not particularly cuddly as he's more prone to noogying you or a playful push or smack to the shoulder here and there. Maybe even a hug if you're upset.
But if he's in such a mood, he does really enjoy when you play with his hair. He's embarrassed to admit it but won't stop you by any means, but he's unlikely to ask for it either.
He won't really do it to you (if he even can, if not then he'll rub your back) unless you're upset and need comfort. He's more prone to affectionately ruffling it but he has his softer moments.
V:
Maybe a bit more receptive than Vergil but I don't see him being all that cuddly with a friend either.
He does enjoy it when it's actually happening a bit more though. Lots of contented sighs and hums. Might also fall asleep if he trusts you enough.
Doesn't usually mind returning the favor if you're into that, and he's in the mood for cuddling. It's rather calming since he's usually reading while you lay on him. He's happy to read to you if you ask.
Might be open to summoning Shadow or something if you're in an affectionate mood and he isn't. So you have something to snuggle with and he has his space.
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I was on Tik Tok and a video appeared of a woman getting ready (makeup, clothes, etc.) to wait for her police wife, I thought of this scenario with Alejandro. Could you do a oneshot like this?
Hey there! Please don't request oneshots or fics or something like that from me, I usually only write those when I'm inspired ^^; I made an exception this time, but please keep that in mind!
Waiting for Alejandro
Among those gentle dreams of twosomeness, where the lovely was the ordinary and loneliness was as far away as the end of the universe, you prayed. With your eyes closed, with your mind showing you beautiful, vivid dreams of your loved one caressing you, giving you the love you yearned for, you murmured along words of love. The gods would be benevolent enough to let you experience that happiness just once more. Where the wars would never end, where the fights were eternal, you hoped for a small respite from it all, granting such to a lone, tired soldier. A warm hand on his cheek, a smile you almost forgot in your wake, tender words exchanged. The pain of being alone was forgotten for just another moment, tearing your heart open any other time. But alas, a dream was as fleeting as a petal drifting through the wind.
Birdsong, louder than what you were used to, tore you from your peaceful slumber, the light shining through the window. It was not bright, but it almost blinded you. And even on this morning, as the birds sang about their love for one another, as they joined one another into an aria of affection, you felt the lightness of your bed. Even this morning, Alejandro had not yet joined you. You turned to his side, images of him slumbering away flickering in front of you. Your safe haven, your sanctuary of rest, was incomplete without him. Taking his pillow into your arms, you closed your eyes. His scent had faded entirely by now. As it was, nothing remained aside from blurry memories. Had you taken him for granted this entire time? Had you not been a good enough partner? Would he even return? Pangs of insecurity gnawed at your heart. Everything was going to be alright, Alejandro was alright. He was going to return soon.
And on your nightstand laid your phone. In your sadness, it seemed less appealing than usual. And yet, somehow, this morning, you felt more drawn to it than usual. Anxiety coursed through you. A simple “I’m coming home tonight” would ease any and all insecurities you had, but the disappointment of not seeing any messages would be too great. Taking it off the charger, you held it in your phone for a moment, running your finger along its case. Curiosity was a strong drive for many, but for you it held more sadness than anything. How long has it been since you had last seen Alejandro? Too long, but today likely wouldn’t change anything. Devoid of any contentment, you sighed. Maybe you should go back to sleep, delude yourself within those dreams of love. He was to return, for you would fight a seven nation army by yourself and boast an empty victory otherwise.
Another few minutes passed, sitting hunched over your phone without ever turning it on. You didn’t know the time, it didn’t matter. It was nothing you needed to know for the time being. An answer to your prayer came in something you didn’t want to see: Your phone vibrated, the screen lighting up and displaying a message.
I will be home in one and a half hours, wait for me 🥰
The sender was Alejandro.
Without batting an eye, you unlocked your phone, hovering your fingers over the virtual keyboard. You wanted to respond, you needed to, but your mind went blank. What were you to say when your mind wouldn’t respond, but your heart sang a little tune? Dancing in its cage, soon to be freed from its shackles. On its stage, it grew warm underneath all the lights. There was naught but a single person as its audience, but the cheers were as wholesome as they were genuine. It beat, it danced in hope. One and a half hours. All this time you were alone, you grew tired, exhausted even. Jumping up from your bed, you made haste towards your closet, picking out some lovely clothes. Alejandro had always loved seeing you in these, complimenting you every time. Today was a day unlike any other. It was special to you in so many ways, you hoped you could make it a day unlike many others for Alejandro as well.
The time spent in the bathroom was not marked by its brevity. Your hygiene made for the base of it all, combing your hair and brushing your teeth so you could feel clean. Although you would have loved to indulge in this little ritual, there was relatively little time. Between rushing to put on your fancy clothes and applying your makeup, you messed up quite a few times. Your speed could have rivaled that of professionals. Even as you poked your eye a few times, even as you applied more makeup than what was likely needed and you had to scrape off little bits. Looking in the mirror, your heart sank. What have you done to yourself? The precipitance caused you to look questionable at most. Alejandro deserved better than that. It was a special day, one to be celebrated. You could under no circumstances afford to look the way you did.
This time with more leisure, you applied everything yet again. Although you may have looked far from perfection, Aphrodite would have been proud of you either way. Rushing to look at your phone, you looked at the time. Ten minutes and the text would have been one and a half hours old.
You stepped outside. The warm sun hit your face and you looked around. No one yet. For as much as every fiber of your being wished for the time to fly by, for those ten minutes to be skipped, you tried to submit to your patience. You had waited for months, surely you could wait another few minutes.
And yet, those ten minutes didn’t seem to pass. If pain and suffering could turn seconds into minutes, then this little waiting game of yours had been turned into hours. Even as you took in the sun’s warm rays, closing your eyes while remembering all those times Alejandro complained about your vitamin D deficiency, as he forced you outside to soak up the warmth, the time didn’t seem to pass. With a sigh you leaned onto the rails.
Thanks for the ride, amigos!
The door to a car was forcefully closed shut and you opened your eyes. Indeed, there he was in all his glory, waving to those who had driven him home. The waiting had paid off. However, you had no control over yourself as you slowly moved towards him. As if on instinct, as if a moth drawn to flame, as if a child seeking its mother’s affection, you sped up, running right at him. Your heart beat loud and heavy in your ears, it was almost unbearable. However, he, too, seemed to have taken notice of you, standing still as he awaited your embrace.
Stumbling and tumbling about, you eventually reached him, wrapping your arms tightly around him. If he was smoke in the air, then you were the jar he was being captured with. You never wanted to let him go again, simply reveling in his touch instead. Alejandro seemed to reciprocate as he wrapped his arms around you as well, laughing as he did so.
“Someone’s very eager to see me today, eh? Good to see you too.”
“I missed you so much, you have no idea.”
The grip he had on you was somewhat tight, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. And for a moment, he was no longer a fighter, holding the one he loved the most. The wars were over for the time being, he could finally focus on something equally as important. And for a moment, the world was at peace. However, in order to protect such properly, he had to let go of you eventually, holding onto your shoulder for a moment longer still.
“Look at you, all dolled up just for me. You look stunning today, mi amor.”
“Thank you, I wanted this day to be special for the both of us.”
Taking on his role of a warrior yet again, he put his arm around you, shielding you from any and all harm there may be. Even in the comfort of his own home, Alejandro couldn’t help but fight whenever needed. It was his calling, his raison d’être. Even during the most peaceful times, threats of war always lingered. His walls were high still, only lowering them so you could get inside his heart and paint it with your love. Walking you towards your shared home, he hummed a little tune.
“I’m so glad to finally be home again. Now I can spend my time with you and relax a little bit.”
“Shit, I didn’t cook anything, though. I’m so sorry, Alejandro.”
He laughed yet again. That melodious, loud laughter you came to adore over the years you spent with him. After opening the door, he gave you a gentle peck to your forehead.
“Don’t worry too much about it, we can always just order some takeout.”
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I will request the walls have ears scene hard-on scene again and also I mean I would DIE for a psych perspective of elvis all day every day but i know that’s pretty heavy and god bless him what a mess of a man🥴
bless you. OKAY. so you have got to forgive me for how unsure i am about this. i'm like a damn baby deer walking on my legs for the first time. also that's coming at some point. probably. it really requires a lot of research. ( for a tumblr post i know but you never know, maybe i use that bullshit to get into grad school like i've been dying to go. and then at the end all of y'all can call me dr. ally. )
so. tw: i mean it's got him getting a hard on so, sexual themes? phone sex? mentions of elvis' sad sad hang ups? i do not know this is new territory for me.
the walls have ears ( but not eyes ) - elvis presley
elvis is used to dancing, he's used having his hips move every which way but loose. well, maybe there was that one time they went a bit loose but that was between him, that audience and god. and there wasn't a soul in that group who was gonna be a tattle tell. the point is, he knows how to dance, knows how to move his hips. so doing the scene he's being asked of with laurel seems like a simple enough ask. she's sweet and he likes her well enough. doesn't like her like he likes the girl he's got waiting for him at home but- he gets her allure, gets how his character could like a girl with her face.
it's a complicated set up for a scene, one of the most complicated ones elvis has ever seen in his pictures. there's so many moving parts that a part of him wants to ask the director and the production team what went through their heads and how they went about setting all this up. anything to find out more about the film industry even if- well even if it seemed like he was gonna get stuck doing these musical-singing pictures for a long while yet. maybe one day- maybe some day he'll get to have his moment as a dramatic actor get to be like james dean and marlon brando and paul newman. one day.
the moment they start the camera elvis finds himself aware of two things- one, that he was made to do this sort of dancing and he's got to take his girl out and show her one of these days and two, his pants are too tight. he knew the second point before hand and has been half trying to wiggle to make his inseam feel less strange and has honestly asked the costume team, "darlin' could you please take this out jus' a lil." only to be told that no they couldn't which was a crying shame if he did say so himself. he's been telling himself it wouldn't be a problem, telling himself he'll be fine but now the pants are rubbing him just the right way and he can feel himself hardening. lord have mercy. was this honestly when his goddamn body wanted to betray him like this. laurel's not gonna say anything but he knows she just saw it when she looked down from the way she looks up at him afterward. he wants to call time on the scene, tell the director he's gotta deal with this but he knows they're already- he's heard how hard this scene was to set up, he can't just stop because he's got a problem. maybe if he jiggles his leg- nope no, that made it worse.
if him and laurel maybe are rushing through the steps a little quicker or if he uses the table to give himself a bit of friction then that's his business. when they're finally on the table after the ceiling "caves" in he looks over at laurel.
"you're a professional and-" he starts before laurel waves him off.
"elvis, we don't need to talk about it. it's just my big brother having a- problem." she bites her lip trying not to laugh before a small giggle escapes her.
elvis scrunches up his face before grinning and letting himself laugh as he gets off the table and holds out his hand for her. "yeah, yeah, laugh it up, laurel. come on you."
she takes that as permission to fully laugh as she lets elvis help her off without a second thought. "go- i'll cover for you."
he opens his mouth to tell her she doesn't have to before she just shrugs and shoos him away. god, she's a good girl. he's got to remind himself to double check if that boyfriend of hers was still bugging her too much.
it doesn't take him that long to reach his dressing room and the second he shuts the door he practically tears off his pants. he's careful not to ruin them because while he hates the damn things someone still worked damn hard on them and they deserve to be respected because of it.
he eyes the phone in the corner of the room that taunts him with the knowledge that the person he'd like here- the person who's been in his thoughts as he danced-who might have inadvertently caused this problem is merely a phone call away. he shouldn't, but elvis has never been good at following what he should and shouldn't do. it's what always gets him in trouble time and time again. it takes a minute for them to patch him through but the second he hears your voice tension he didn't know he was holding since he felt his erection just slides away.
"elvis?" you ask your tone of voice betraying your confusion.
"hey darlin', am i interrupting anything?" he asks, his hand moving down to touch his cock through his underwear. it's just a light touch, almost as if he's scared to do more.
"you're not. i was thinking of going out, but then you called." you pause and hum quietly. "not that i mind, handsome, but you never call me like this when you're on set. you miss me that much today?"
"you know i always miss you." the sentence slips off his tongue before he even stops it. he knows he doesn't need to charm you, he's got you wrapped around his finger even without it. still, there's something to be said about always making sure you're happy with him. he knows he can be a bit much. "i- gotta promise you won't laugh, satnin."
"you- i won't. unless it's really funny." you say, twirling the phone cord around your finger. "what's got my man all shook up?"
"you." he answers with a low chuckle as he presses the palm of his hand against his crotch, inhaling as he does. "they got me wearing these tight pants- rubbed me all the wrong ways. felt like you in that dress i bought you last week. all tightness and heat, damn near felt like a vice grip."
he hears you shift and he didn't realize until that moment that you were on your shared bed. you were on the bed, maybe you were wearing his favorite dress. or maybe a nightie, it was early enough to have you wearing that still. you might have just gotten up. he knows how you are when you first wake up, all wet heat and warmth and he stops his thoughts there. you're not into this just yet, you haven't given him the go ahead, he doesn't need your permission but he wants it right now.
"like my-" you pause and there's another shift of fabric and your voice gets a little softer, like you're embarrassed to say it. "pussy?"
he hums in acknowledgement. "yeah, just like that. laurel- she's a good girl, satnin, didn't even bat an eye. i've got a bit of time. she's- covering for me. telling our director something." he pauses and takes a deep breath. "you- wish you were here. you could take care of this with those pretty lips."
the laugh that leaves your lips sounds almost like wind chimes to his ears and somehow it makes him even harder. "wish i was there too. but i don't think i'd like to take care of it that way. i think i'd prefer to be on your lap."
elvis can't help the low groan the image you're providing him with elicits and his hand moves to actually lower his underwear so he can take his cock in his hand. "like that one time in the cadillac when you thought we were gonna get caught."
a breathless sigh. "yeah, elvis, just like that. with you holding my hips so tight i get bruises from it later." you let out a small groan and elvis swears he hears how wet you are from the other end. "i'm wearing a ring you left here. makes me think this are your fingers."
that does it, that's what has him wrapping his hand around his cock listening to you talk. has him gripping himself like his life depended on it and right now it just might. he doesn't have the door locked but honestly, everyone in the mafia and on this set know better than to barge into his room lest you end up with an eyeful of ass or breasts. "didn't realize my satnin has such a dirty mouth. you playing with your clit too, baby, rubbing it like i do? you got me touching myself like you do. feel like i'm gonna burst already."
you nod before remembering elvis isn't there with you so he can't see it. you exhale shakily, your answer a tight whisper. "only got a dirty mouth when you need it from me. i'm- my fingers aren't yours but i can be a little faster with the wrist. it evens- oh- out." you bite your lip. "i think we're both there- i haven't- i didn't have you this morning. this is the first time today."
his pace quickens at your quiet oh, knowing fully well that's you telling him you're going to come soon if you aren't already starting to. his grunts are getting closer together, he's gotta be quiet about this but you can be as loud as you want and he can hear you, can hear the sighs and the soft moans. "you gonna come for me, baby? gonna come on your fingers and take a picture for me?"
"uh huh." is the only answer he gets, the only words you can manage as you take that as cue to go faster, to curl your fingers inside yourself to- do everything that has you letting out a shout of elvis' name a minute or two later. elvis' own hand tightens the grip on his cock and pumps even more as he hears the click of a camera on your end.
"good girl. my bestest girl, takin' a photo for me." he mutters focusing on just coming shutting his eyes to try and picture how you look, half fucked out and- it's then that he comes with a grunt. he's gotta be quiet even if he knows you love hearing him groan your name. he has to catch his breath before he speaks again. "you still there?"
a hum. "i am. sleepy again though." you yawn and stretch being mindful of the cord. "can i go take a nap, elvis? you're not gonna be home-"
"for a few more hours at least, baby." he finishes for you. "go take a nap, darlin'. rest up for me for tonight. think i'll take that ring back from you."
you laugh softly. "okay. don't go getting excited again. can't help you until you come home if happens."
his answering laugh is a little dark but he knows you're right. "don't think i have to wear these pants any more. should be fine. wear the blue nightie when i get home, alright?"
the only answer he gets back is a snore and he hangs up. he knows you heard him when he gets home and sees what he asked you to wear on your skin. the photo you took- when you two get it developed- comes with him on the next shoot.
he doesn't have another problem with his pants like that again. not until 1968.
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