#please no one be lesbophobic on this post i am a lesbian myself im just disappointed seeing shit other lesbians say sometimes | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

menalez · 2 years

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Y'know when reading this discourse about bisexual women and lesbians I was inclining more towards understanding and agreeing with side that puts lesbians over bi women but it was your own shitty ass behavior that made me reconsider everything.

"There was just one woman who called bi women as cocksuckers"

No, there are plenty of lesbians who have done that and y'know it (your lovely bestie desisapphic excuses it too). They are generally not radfems but they do exist.

Stop saying bi women getting concerned over such remarks is "harassing lesbians".

And please pretend that you guys don't perpetuate rape culture at all but one of your mutuals legit reblogged one of your posts about bisolationist (who's a bi male csa survivor) saying that he's lying about his rape. As a csa female survivor I was appalled by this behavior. These are the feminists I am supposed to look upto?

And a lot , a lot of homosexuals love to say that bisexuals lie about their highest rates of r*pe and ipv even though every study done on it proves otherwise.

Idc if you believe biphobia isn't real or not. But there is a widespread form of prejudice that bisexuals face at the hands of both homosexuals and heterosexuals.

And every fucking time you guys just love to say "well it was just ONE of us" when it's so many fucking of you.

Bi women on this app have been continuously calling that out but you don't care. They're just lying no?

Bi people may or may not have privilege over homosexual people. But they sure as hell aren't privileged in general. Straight people don't treat them like royalty ya know? Actually try listening to a bi person who has overcome their internalized homophobia and the way straight people have treated them.

Bi women who identify as lesbians are bad evil lesbophobes. But straight people who identify as bi are not evil. No it's the stupid bisexuals that are the "spicy straights" right? No matter what the case it is always bi women's fault. They aren't affected by any other community at all! Right? Bi people don't go through any actual struggles (again in the words of your bestie desisapphic).

And have you guys ever thought that us lesbian women, as and straight women too don't have to firsthand experience to know what bisexuality is and that we should at least not police what it is like to live in a homophobic society as a bisexual? Like I generally don't see many known bi radfems here make lesbophobic comments. The only ones I have come across are eldopoism somebody and femaleinsight.

And lastly maybe maybe just consider that some of those bi women who seem lesbophobic go through internalized misogyny or homophobia which makes them shit on their own ssa and entertain moids more. That they're nothing but victims of patriarchal mindset too. It might change your perspective a lot.

weird u think not tolerating lesbophobia is putting “lesbians over bi women”.

“plenty of lesbians have done that!! and ur bestie desisapphic excuses it” just sounds like “all lesbians i disagree with form a unit and are best friends and never disagree” to me lol but im nearly sure i never argued only one lesbian in the entire world has ever uttered those words. im pretty sure my argument was that lesbians aren’t anymore likely to say such things than any other group and that it’s not enough of lesbians to justify stereotyping lesbians and being lesbophobic. but interesting how u twisted that!

“stop saying bi women concerned over such remarks are “harassing lesbians””

even tho i never said taking issue with such remarks is lesbophobic or harassing lesbians. i myself have taken issue with such terminology, but again it doesn’t mean im gonna accept lesbophobia in response to it either. it’s such a double standard that u think lesbians responding to lesbophobic OSA women by using misogynistic language is bad, but responding to that same lesbian with lesbophobic comments should be given a pass. both are bad. that’s where i stand and that’s why you wrote me this long ass message whining at me.

“please pretend you don’t perpetuate rape culture at all but one of your mutuals..”

weird. we’re mutuals now? based on what? bc i thought mutuals were supposed to be people that follow each other, but now mutuals are just people who reblogged my post that i didn’t agree with or respond to or ever interact with myself? also love how u just pretended like i can’t possibly be a victim of CSA myself lol.

i read thru the rest of ur rant but it was more of u putting words in my mouth, making assumptions, and insulting me for arguments i haven’t made bc u don’t know how to read. also acting like i said bi ppl get treated the exact same as hets (weird bc i said the exact opposite of that) or like i said only one gay person has ever said anything bad about bi people (weird bc i never claimed that) or that gay ppl can’t have prejudiced ideas about bisexuals (weird bc i said biphobia as in an individual prejudice is possible and some gay ppl do display it) and more just to get mad at me that i don’t look past lesbophobia. cry more about it ig or maybe take it up with the ppl u actually take issue with instead of putting words in my mouth & then whining random people are my best friend or mutual even when that isn’t the case whatsoever to justify ranting at me.

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koncreates · 4 years

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this is a real question and not trying to be mocking, feel free to not post if u dont want and discourse ((if this counts as it)) but is it transphobic to not want to date//have a sexual relationship a, lets say a transwomen, while being a lesbian because youre not... attracted to dick? if that makes sense? not that youre denying shes a women, but u dont like dick? im sorry if this is wrong. im just wondering

I am extremely not an authority on this since I neither have a penis nor am a lesbian, and I will be honest that this ask sounds a fuckton like bait to get me to say something transphobic or lesbophobic. But, like a fool hoping that it is a genuine question and giving you the benefit of the doubt, I’m going to do my level best to answer it for you!

Just to set the record straight: i’m a transmasc dude who does not experience sexual attraction or desire, in a relationship with a nonbinary person who DOES experience sexual attraction and desire. While that’s... almost the exact opposite of what you’re asking about, I think there’s potential that i can offer a little insight.

First of all: People should be romantically (i.e. wanting to date, if you experience romantic attraction) people to you first and foremost, not genitals. Personality traits and hobbies and quirks and favorite colors and the sound of a laugh and the look of a smile, not a penis or vagina.

If you meet a girl and you like to hang out with her, and want to date her, but learn she is transgender and immediately recoil and lose all the attraction or positive feeling you had for her based on her personality, looks, interests, ect before knowing intimate details such as her genitalia or medical history, then yes, I would say that is transphobic. (Bolded for ease of TLDR)

She wasn’t fooling you with being trans. You were attracted to her just the same way you would be attracted to a cis person. The fact that she didn’t start a conversation with “Hello, I have a penis actually” is exactly the same as how you don’t start conversations with “Hello, I don’t shave my pubic hair actually” or “Hello, I have a genetic predisposition to strokes from my mother’s side of the family.” It is intimate information that you don’t usually share unless you are close with someone and believe you can trust them.

HOWEVER. The act alone of not wanting to have sex with a penis does not make you transphobic. I will talk more on this a bit further down.

Now here’s a pitfall I think people fall in to a lot: If you find someone unattractive because of their looks, personality, politics, or whatever reason you are not attracted to them, you aren’t required to date them. You don’t have to give a reason why you don’t want to date them, and it’s generally seen as the right thing to do that if someone who does not fit your standards of attractive asks you out, you politely turn them down. You should never feel pressured into any relationship, and if anyone hounds you for an answer as to why you don’t want to date, that’s on them. If you don’t know someone/don’t like their personality/don’t feel romantically attracted to them, you are not required to date them!

Nobody is required to find any one thing attractive, but boiling a person’s entire identity down to what is in their pants is in essence dehumanizing. An intersex girl might have a dick as well, would you feel the same way when you found out, or is it the transgender title that gets to you? I’m not trying to be accusatory, but it’s a very important factor to think about.

If your only reason to not date someone is “she’s trans” it does still make you transphobic. If this is the case, I really encourage you to think about why exactly you believe this. If, according to all your other standards, you would date her, why does her being transgender matter to you?

From the letter of your ask, it sounds like you would be fine dating a girl if she had bottom surgery. That’s intimate knowledge that you would probably only learn after dating her for a while or at the very least being friends with her for longer. Would her status of having had surgery or not having had surgery affect your feelings for her? I’m not saying that she would or should keep being trans a secret from you for a long time during dating, but the main takeaway here is “Would you feel revolted immediately just by hearing her say she was trans? Would you be constantly wondering about if she had or hadn’t gotten surgery?”

I Hope this next section will be very helpful to answering your question and hopefully easing some of your fears about dating a trans person.

There is a lot more to dating than having sex, and there’s a lot more to sex than genital on genital contact! You can go on dates and can enjoy each other’s company, you can have long talks and get sentimental, you can go out to dinner and watch lights on the water by the beach. There is plenty to a relationship that is not sexual, and even without being asexual I think it’s an important thing to make sure you don’t form a relationship souly on the basis of sexual actions.

With that being said, there are plenty of sexual things you can do that don’t require penis-in-vagina contact? If her penis makes you uncomfortable by existing (and if she’s dysphoric, she might feel similarly), it’s a conversation that you should have when you get to that point in your relationship. If after dating her for a while yall decide to have sex, you should discuss ways that don’t involve penetration and don’t involve you giving her oral and, just like in any other relationship, it’s important to express boundaries. You can figure out toys that you enjoy using on her, you can find toys you enjoy when she uses on you. You can figure out plenty of ways to satisfy each other that do not involve touching her penis and either making you uncomfortable or her dysphoric. It just takes communication.

Most trans people (including myself) are ready and open for conversations like this from our significant others. We want happy relationships, and we know that requires communication. I don’t think your girlfriend is going to react to you saying “I’m uncomfortable with the idea of penetration/touching your penis” with rage and vitriol. She shouldn’t, in fact. It’s the same as if I said to my partner “I’m uncomfortable with the idea of you eating me out”. It’s a boundary that you should share and that she should listen to.

If you’ve been together for (however long it takes you to want to sleep with someone you date) you should both be comfortable enough with each other to act like the adults you are and have a conversation with one another.

If any transwomen following me have something to add on or correct me on, please feel free. Like I said, I’m a transman, and my experiences are vastly different from what theirs might be. I am absolutely not a scholarly source to get information from. I’m just, quite literally, some guy. These are just my opinions based on what I’ve seen said by transwomen and lesbians. To get a better perspective on this, you should really find a transwoman to ask off anon.

I tried to be general and think about this from the perspective of if it were “My boyfriend is uncomfortable with me having a vagina”, but there is a lot of room for error there as well. So again, transwomen and NB people with dicks and trans lesbians and cis lesbians with trans girlfriends please feel free to add on your take and personal perspective!!

Also TERFs/SWERFs/RADFEM/Transphobes do NOT fucking touch this post or get blocked on sight.

Trumeds should also watch their step because i do not take kindly to your exclusion.

#asks #anons #lgbt #trans #transphobia #cw #transphobic #ask to tag #kizza speaks #long post #anonymous

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