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readyplayerhobi · 4 years

Text

Flower | 02

; Hoseok x Reader

; Genre: Fluff, angst, future smut

; Word Count: 1.9k

; Warnings: Talk of anxiety, depression, self-hatred

; Synopsis: You finally decide to take a dip into the world of online dating and find the Flower dating app. One of the top matches for you proves to be a guy who looks to be your complete opposite; tattooed, pierced, a metalhead and oh…incredibly handsome. What happens when you throw caution to the wind and reach out to him?

; A/N: Yes this is posted fast but it’s obviously not long. As said, this is a drabble series so it may be posted fast, it may be posted slow. It’s purely when I feel inspired by it. Thank you for the love I’ve had on the first part! I never expected people to like it so much. Please note that this is a slice of life fic that will deal with the MC having a lot of issues around herself including anxiety, depression, lack of self-confidence and more. I’ll put relevant warnings, but this fic is basically me helping myself by writing out some of my feelings. If you enjoy reading it, please reblog and comment to let me know! Again, I haven’t proof read lol

Flower Masterpost

Your phone screen is mocking you, you swear it is. The brightly lit screen clearly shows the Flower app message box, which clearly shows the series of messages that you’d exchanged with one seriously, outrageously attractive Jung Hoseok.

And it made you cringe, shrinking further down your seat as you pushed your face into the impossibly soft material of the cat plush you kept on your couch. As if somehow, that might make all your embarrassment disappear.

Because you have never regretted your social anxiety and inability to make small talk more than you do right now. You found it impossible to talk to people normally if you didn’t have a common interest, the conversation often dying down quickly as you struggled to maintain it but that was heightened with text messages.

Your own friends were well aware of this, which meant that no one ever bothered to call or text you to talk. Instead, they simply texted to ask when you were free and then came over or invited you out. You were very much one of those people who just operated best when you were comfortable with the person and could maintain a face-to-face connection.

Which was why you were now seriously regretting setting up this app. Groaning, you let your head fall back onto the couch and restrain the urge to have a childish hissy fit. Because it would be childish. Relieving, but childish.

“Why did I think this would be a good idea? You know you don’t like talking on the phone or by message, you idiot.” You hiss to yourself, grabbing the phone from the arm of the sofa and unlocking it once more.

Re-reading the messages just makes you want to shrink even more. It’s been an hour since Hoseok had first responded to you, and the messages were painful. In fact, it made you want to cry reading them over and how bad you were at conversing. You were trying so hard but you just didn’t know what to say or do.

You: Oh, thanks for responding! I’m okay, how are you?

Jung Hoseok: I’m good, just got in from a gig. You done anything interesting?

You: No, I worked and then just came home

Jung Hoseok: Okay...what did you do when you came home?

You: Watched Netflix

Jung Hoseok: ...what did you watch? Anything cool?

You: Not really

You: I’m watching this Korean drama, The K2

Jung Hoseok: Cool

The conversation died for ten minutes after that and as usual, you’d stressed over what you’d messaged him. It read so stilted and awkward, leading to you grasping at a topic to further talk with him. How did these things normally work? Was he expecting sex if you’d messaged him? Or did he want something more? Was it okay to ask him?

You’d struggled for a few minutes more before you’d finally sent something else to him, resulting in another series of lame messages that had you resenting yourself while also being thankful that he didn’t just give up on you entirely.

You: Who did you go see? Anyone I might know?

Jung Hoseok: Mmm, maybe? Do you know Disturbed?

You: ...no?

Jung Hoseok: Do you listen to any metal?

You: also no :(

Jung Hoseok: Ahhh...you wouldn’t know them then

You: Did you enjoy it though?

Jung Hoseok: Yeah! They’re great live. You should maybe try it, you might like them…

And that was where the conversation had stunted itself, leading to you simply staring at your phone and wishing that you were someone else. Someone who was great at talking and would be able to keep the flow going between him and you. Because he was evidently nice, willing to keep talking even though you were proving to have the socialisation skills of a baby.

Staring at your phone, you bit your lip and rested your head in the palm of your hand, elbow resting on your thigh as tears warmed your eyes. You wished that you could be someone better, someone who didn’t have to psychoanalyse everything that you’d said and every response that you’d been given. Thousands, probably millions of people across the world did this online dating thing every day.

Why was it so hard for you? And on the first guy!

Wiping the tears away with your hand as you sniffled, you grasped your phone and looked down at the messages once more with a frown. This guy, Jung Hoseok, was way too good for you. There was no way that someone this outgoing was going to be interested in you, not when he had to work this hard to maintain a conversation.

Here he was, going to concerts on a work night while you felt insufferable anxiety at the prospect of not being in bed by 9pm. There was no way you could work out, and maybe it would be better to just cut him loose now so that he didn’t have to bother trying anymore with you. You could always give someone a little more...boring a chance.

Wincing, you mentally withdrew that adjective. People weren’t boring, they just had different interests. You had no doubt that by your own standards, Hoseok would probably consider you boring.

Sighing, you began to type out your message to him, this once longer than anything else you’d typed.

You: I’m sorry. I don’t know how this online dating stuff works. I don’t even really know how real dating works. I’m really bad at talking, through text and phone. I don’t really know how to do small talk with you and you kind of intimidate me. I’m sorry for bothering you, I don’t think we’d work out and I don’t want to take up any more of your time.

You: Sorry :(

Sending those messages was hard, and you wipe once more at the tears that slowly trail down your face as you try to soothe your anxiety over what you’d sent him. And then you have to try and soothe down your worry that flares up over not being good enough for anyone.

As much as you wanted to listen to Soyeon and Chungha, and as much as you wanted a relationship, you were terrified at the same time. Because you kept yourself so closed off from people, only letting in the few individuals that your mind deemed worth the time and effort and whom you were positive wouldn’t hurt you too badly.

But a relationship meant letting someone in to a place that friends didn’t go. It meant giving the other person access to your most intimate areas; physically and mentally. Letting them know your dreams, know your fears, letting them into your heart and mind. And it terrified you. Because those people were the most dangerous to you.

With a mind that actively seemed to work against you sometimes, sabotaging yourself and your hopes with crippling anxiety and depression, the idea of letting someone that close to cause even more damage was fear inducing. It was giving someone the power to affirm all the negative thoughts you have about yourself, letting them wriggle their way into your life and your heart in a way that would make it feel like an explosion had happened if they decided you weren’t worth it in the future.

You knew that your fears were silly, that people entered and left relationships frequently and that not every relationship ended badly. Not every relationship ended.

But you were petrified of being the one left, of being the one who finally let down her walls and let someone in deeper than anyone had ever been before and having those fragile, vulnerable places deep within you blown wide open. And yet you still craved the love and affection that you watched your friends go through.

You’d tried to get it in college, dating guys and girls in such a casual way that you weren’t even sure it could be called dating. It was more like friends with benefits half the time, and you had so many fears about yourself that there wasn’t even a whole lot of sex. Nor had it been good, because it was hard to get out of your own head sometimes.

Someone like Jung Hoseok terrified you then, because he looked to be everything that you shied away from normally. Outgoing, attractive, outspoken and experienced judging from what you’d read of his profile. Someone who would probably laugh at the idea of a wallflower like you wanting to be with him.

You’re pulled out of the whirlpool of negativity and self-hatred that your thoughts had quickly veered into by the sound of your phone once more, the noise loud in the quiet of the room since you’d turned off your television. Swallowing, you blink hard and take in a deep and steadying breath before looking down at the message.

Jung Hoseok: Oh that’s fine! Don’t feel pressured or anything. I’m useless at talking on the phone too. Would you rather we meet up instead? Casually or as a date, whichever you prefer. I’m sorry I intimidate you, I don’t mean to :(

Jung Hoseok: I know I have tattoos and stuff, but I’m not mean! I swear. I think I’m nice...

Jung Hoseok: And we’ll never know if we could work out unless we actually try…

Jung Hoseok: :)

For a few seconds...there’s nothing in your mind as you stare down at your phone in disbelief. Surely you’d misread that? Suddenly lost the ability to read and your mind had made up what you’d rather it said instead. But when you blink hard, rubbing your eyes to clear them until the words are in focus again, you’re met with exactly the same thing that you’d just read.

He...hadn’t been offended by what you’d said. Nor had he laughed at you cutting him off so quickly? In fact...he seemed to be...understanding?

Your mouth feels dry suddenly and you grab a deep gulp of water, cheeks feeling warm as your stomach swirls with confusion, nerves and tentative excitement. He wasn’t annoyed by you. He wasn’t angry with you. He’d accepted what you’d said.

He’d even...asked you on a date?

And then you realise that he thought that you were intimidated by him purely because he had tattoos and piercings and stuff. Which out of all the things you’d stressed and worried over...that hadn’t even been a top 5 consideration. If anything, those things were just exceptional window dressing on an already outstanding visage.

His words seem to have a strangely soothing effect on your frayed nerves, a balm to your upset and confused mind. Maybe...maybe you could just meet up. You were a lot better in person than you were via text or phone. Your friends liked to say you were funny and sweet, which he might like.

Maybe he was right.

You felt an extreme whiplash that left you feeling a little tired from everything you’d experienced in the last few hours; from the trepidation of signing up to the surge of confidence at messaging Hoseok to the crushing negativity of your flatlining esteem to the small flicker of hope that was now surfacing.

Which is why you feel strangely calm when you message him back, watching your fingers type without really being aware of what you were doing. Completely unaware of the monumental impact your decision was about to have on your future and life.

You: Really? I’d like to meet up...if you want to

Jung Hoseok: I’d love to

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gaycrouton · 5 years

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Memorable

Words of Love 13/27 [ Mulder and Scully have to attend a dreaded team building workshop, but it ends up being better than either could have ever hoped.]

Lol, okay this is the second time this has accidentally happened, but this is similar concept-wise to the one shot I just posted, but different.

Memorable: (adjective) worth remembering or easily remembered, especially because of being special or unusual.

For years, they had evaded it. Scully would suddenly get ‘sick’, Mulder would find a case, they would take an unexpected detour, whatever the excuse may have been at the time; but now, after six years, they had to attend the mandatory, partner ‘team building’ seminar.

They had been called into Skinner’s office last week and were told that there was no escaping it. Skinner sat across from them, separated by the mahogany table Scully had spend years looking at while being reamed out, and he was poorly hiding his amusement.

“I don’t know how you both managed to put this off for the entire duration of your partnership. Do I need to remind you what the word mandatory means?” He asked, years of commitment lessening the harshness of his voice.

As per usual, Mulder had to chime in, “Well, sir, we thought that since we have the highest solve rate at the bureau, may I remind you our focus is in unsolvable crimes, that we may serve as a perfect example that not doing the seminar is more effective.”

“Oh, and all this time I had no idea your intentions were so altruistic,” Skinner teased. He took a long glance at Mulder and Scully’s pleasing expressions before rubbing a head over his head, “Look, if you guys can just attend the first day, just one full day, I can call you back on a case and you can get back to work. I’ll make sure to mark it in the file that you attended, and then maybe you can start a new streak.”

“Thank you so much, sir. We truly appreciate this. I’ll make sure that we’re on time and participatory,” Scully beamed gratefully, sending a pointed glance at Mulder while saying the last words.

As he let out a soft chuckle, Skinner muttered, “That’s what I’m counting on.” Before leaving, Skinner requested they kept this arrangement between the three of them and they readily agreed, not wanting to look a gift horse in the mouth.

Aside from fleeting smirks, they didn’t communicate until they were in the privacy of their office. Closing the door behind them, Mulder teased, “He only did that because he likes you, you know that right?”

If Scully had a dollar for every time Mulder had joked about that throughout the years, she would never have to work another day in her life. Letting out an amused, exasperated sigh, she reminded him, “Mulder, for the hundredth time, you are delusional. Skinner just appreciates that I can get you to behave.”

She looked up to see him regarding her with a thoughtful expression. He had been doing that more lately, or maybe, she had just started noticing it more. Times when she checked to see why he hadn’t responded to a question, when she caught his reflection in the mirror, when she opened her eyes on an airplane after a nap; for the split second, before he had a chance to turn away, she caught him looking at her with a look of absolute adoration. The word felt heavy in her mind, but it was the only one she felt accurately described the way his eyes were swimming with emotions unsaid. What surprised her most was that it didn’t make her feel uncomfortable, in fact, she cherished the moments she got to see the man behind the jokes and levity.

“Earth to Scully?” She jumped at the hand waving in front of her face and felt herself blush in embarrassment at having him catch her in such a personal moment. Ironically what she had just been reflecting on doing to him.

“I’m sorry, what?” She tried to sound collected.

“I asked where this shindig is taking place this year,” he smirked. He always enjoyed seeing her get flustered, hence all the constant innuendos and invading of personal space. After having to, embarrassingly, call Skinner to get the vital information they had completely forgotten, they finished up the day’s work and agreed to meet at the D.C. lecture hall tomorrow.

In usual Scully-fashion, she was there far too early. It didn’t start until 9am, and she had arrived forty-five minutes early. She had decided to read a book she had brought with her to kill time in the empty lecture hall until a guy from the Violent Crimes Unit, whose name she still couldn’t remember even though he had just said it, decided to talk her ear off. She had been sitting and listening to his tawdry attempts at flirtation for a solid half hour, the other half of his partnership glaring at them from a few rows up.

“So, Dana, enough about me. What’s a beautiful woman like you doing in the FBI basement?” He asked this while making a move to rest his arm on the back of her chair.

Glancing back at his arm with undisguised contempt, she moved up in her chair to avoid any touching. “Working,” she answered curtly. He wasn’t the first man at the FBI to think that dissing ‘Spooky Mulder’ would somehow win her over. As if her assignment was so draining and ridiculous, that the first chance at ‘normalcy’ would have her swooning. It pissed her off.

“But, I mean, come on. You can’t tell me that dealing with him isn’t emotionally draining.”Scully wouldn’t necessarily call herself possessive, protective was probably a better word, but while she had tolerated comments like these six years ago, she had no sympathy for them now.

“Mulder has taught me things throughout the years that you will never begin to understand. And, ‘dealing with him’, as you so rudely put it, has never been a fraction as emotionally draining as this conversation.” Subtlety had never been her strong suit.

Apparently common sense had never been his. He leaned further into his chair, uncomfortably invading her personal space, and leaned his face close to hers. Not lowering his voice, he leered, “Well if you want to come with me after this, I can teach you a few things too.”

She turned to glare at him and saw he was doing a lecherous sweep of her body, when he looked back to her face she saw him lick his lips. She was temporarily stunned at the versatility of man; yesterday Mulder was starting at her like she was Aphrodite incarnated, and less than twenty four hours later, this man was looking at her like a piece of meat. Before she could open her mouth to tell him to go fuck himself, Mulder’s unexpected, terse voice broke the tension, “That’s funny, last I checked Scully was my partner, not yours. Also, as far as I was aware, she’s more than capable of sitting in a chair without your assistance.” Though his words were joking, his tone held nothing but contempt, punctuating his sentence by swatting the man’s hand off the back of her chair.

Scully would never admit to this for as long as she lived, but every time Mulder defended her honor, for lack of a better term, it absolutely thrilled her. Mulder was a sweet guy, she had seen him protect countless other women when he saw men getting too pushy, but in those circumstances he seemed just aggravated with the offender. On the occasions when she was the one being made uncomfortable, he would get irate.

The VCU guy looked more offended at the fact he was being forced to leave than Mulder’s threatening tone. “Well hey there Spooky. Dana and I were just bonding since you left her all alone.” He said her name like a taunt, dangling the fabricated familiarity he felt they shared in front of Mulder.

“Oh, bonding, is that what they call it now? Last time I checked it was known as harassment,” Mulder taunted, earning an amused chuckle from Scully.

Before the man had a chance to respond, his partner had come over in a flurry and dragged him away, muttering that ‘he always pulled these stunts’. Mulder sat in the newly emptied chair and gave Scully an empathetic grin. “Sorry about that.”

She felt her brows furrow, “You have nothing to be sorry about. He just couldn’t take a hint. I’m glad you came.”

He gave her a half smile in response. “I actually got here a few minutes ago. I’m sorry that you get teased about your association to me. I appreciate what you said, when you were defending me.” He wasn’t looking at her, the telltale sign of his self conscious nature peaking through.

She laid a hand on top of his fidgeting ones to get his attention. “Mulder, it doesn’t bother me, and I didn’t say anything I didn’t mean.” He smiled one of his rare, shy smiles, but as soon as he opened his mouth, the overly eager seminar leader had started.

The bubbly woman announced that, before the day’s lectures began, she was going to pass around a questionnaire for all the partners to interview each other with. “They key is H.O.N.E.S.T.Y. it may be embarrassing, it may open you both up to conversations you haven’t had, but the whole point is to learn new things about one another.” The seminar had only started five minutes ago and Mulder and Scully were already making jokes in their seats at the far back of the lecture hall.

The room had already filled with chatter by the time they got their forms. They rearranged their chairs so that they were knee to knee and looking at each other. Amused grins spreading across their faces. Mulder spoke up first. “So we just read the questions and we both respond to it?”

“Yep,” she answered, eager to see how ridiculous this was going to be. Looking down at her form, she was actually eager to hear what Mulder’s answer would be. “Question one, What was your first impression of your partner.”

He raised an eyebrow, “I have to go first?” Prompted by her head nod he mused over the question for a moment. “First impression upon first introductions or first initial impression?”

Scully was a bit thrown and her curiosity was heightened even more. “Both.”

He pondered a moment more before answering. “Well, when I first heard you were assigned to the X-Files, I did some thorough research on you. I thought your background was impressive, to make an understatement. I was enamored with the fact you became a medical doctor before joining the FBI,” he paused to grin, “And your thesis was honestly a really interesting and fascinating read.”

His blunt honesty was taking her by surprise, she would have assumed that he would have played this off as a joke, like he usually did. Then it dawned on her; he was answering honestly because he wanted her to do the same when it was her turn. He wanted to hear her true feelings towards him, and it warmed her heart.

“When you first came into the office, I was honest, I just presumed you were there to spy on me. I wanted to put you off a bit because I didn’t want to like you just to be disappointed when you left. Don’t pout at me,” he started chuckling at her. She didn’t realize she was doing it, but what he said made her feel a little sad at the realization that probably had happened to him before, that she was actually pouting. “Anyhow, I appreciated your dedication to finding the truth, and that was my first impression. Your turn.”

She didn’t need to take anytime to think, the first time they met was extremely memorable to her, she could recall it in vivid detail. “Well, I had known you by reputation, and, as you already know, I was sent down there to debunk you. However, I also did my research on you and was impressed with what I found. Your credentials are extraordinary.” She paused when she was him repress a smile. Taking a deep breath, she decided to be completely and utterly honest. “When I first met you, I thought you were really cute.”

She grinned in satisfaction when she saw his eyes widen in shock. “W-what?”

“I remember coming home from our first case and I told my friends and my mother how cute I thought you were. I also mentioned that I thought you were a bit arrogant, well-intended, but arrogant. I presume that’s why my mom teases us as much as she does, every time she sees you, she probably just remembers my initial comment.” She felt herself blushing, but it was well worth it to see the same happening to Mulder.

She heard him mumble something and she had to ask him to speak up. “I said, I thought you were hot. I didn’t tell anyone and I didn’t want to come across as demeaning, but, yeah. That was also a heavy component of my first impression.”

She returned his shy smile before quickly scanning the partners around them, making sure no one was eavesdropping. Satisfied that all the other partners were engrossed in their own, probably less exposing, answers, she cleared her throat and moved on. “Question two, name three odd things you have observed about your partner in your time together.”

Without skipping a beat, Mulder answered. “One; I could tell when you started trusting me because you would fall asleep on me anytime an opportunity presented itself, car, plane, whatever. Which I honestly found very intimate, you entrusting me to watch over you. Two; family is very important to you. Three; you have a serious talent for running in dangerous footwear.” His last ‘observation’ made her laugh in amusement. When she was done he leaned back cockily in his chair and motioned for her to take the floor.

She paused a moment before answering. “One; when you care about someone you dedicate yourself wholly to them,” she left her answer to be ambiguous. At face value, it could be assumed she was just referring to Samantha, but from the sly smile on his face she knew he understood she was also referring to herself. “Two; you have an oral fixation. Three; you’ve turned throwing pencils into an art form.” She isn’t sure if he even heard the third remark because as soon as number two left her mouth he was sitting up in his chair ready to question her.

“Oral fixation?”

“Oh come on, Mulder. The sunflower seeds, the nail biting, the pencil chewing. You love having something in your mouth to play with.” Before the words even left her mouth her cheeks were set on fire. Not even looking at him, but feeling his delighted stare, she moved onto the next question. “Question three, what is one thing you want your partner to know.”

She looked up to meet his face and saw all amusement had been eclipsed with an expression of intent focus and severity. “I want my partner to know that I trust her implicitly and that she should never question that.”

Scully felt her eyebrow cock, slightly taken aback by his answer. She met his tone, “Mulder, I already know that, I promise. Have I made you doubt that?”

He immediately shook his head to qualm her worry, “No-no, I just sometimes think back to that one case, ya know, the one where the TV made you paranoid and succumb to your greatest fear. Yours was that I betrayed you. I just want to reiterate that that will never be something you’ll have to worry about.”

She felt her chest tighten at his declaration. For the past year, they had become fluent in the art of saying ‘I love you’ in disguise. It was something they danced around, but they were both painfully aware of, but were too nervous to say out in the open. He actually said the words once, but she had been to scared the drugs were talking instead of him, that she dismissed him. She didn’t have the courage yet, but she could keep dancing.

“Do you remember the case a few months ago when you were on that boat and we found you out at sea?” Taken by surprise at the abrupt topic shift, he just nodded in affirmation.

“If there is one thing I want my partner to know, it would be that after we found you, remember when you were in the hospital bed?” Another nod. “Remember what you said to me?” An embarrassed nod. “I want my partner to know that the sentiment is reciprocated.”

Usually when someone describes absolute elation, they describe a kid on Christmas morning. That kid had nothing on the smile Mulder was giving her right now. She had never quite seen a man with such a light in his eyes, he was smiling so hard, she was afraid his face would crack. He made a guttural sigh that was somewhere between a laugh and a sound of relief.

He must have seen on her face that it took a lot of courage to be so blunt, he teased her a little to add some levity. Always so thoughtful. “And you decide to finally tell me during an office-mandated, team building seminar?”

“In my defense, you told me in a dimly-lit hospital room under the influence of heavy narcotics,” she teased back.

He opened his mouth to reply, but the chipper seminar leader decided to resume her lecture, yet again at an inconvenient time. They swiveled their chairs back and pretended to pay attention to what the woman was saying. In reality, they just took turns glancing at one another, drunk off of the new found revelation. A few times their eyes met and they couldn’t keep the smiles from leeching onto their faces. Scully felt elated in a way she hadn’t felt in a long time.

Mulder loves her.

#msr #msr romance #msr fanfiction #mulder and scully #x files fanfic #xf fanfiction #dana scully #fox mulder #gaycrouton #onlytheinevitable #my fanfiction #words of love

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