Today’s pathfinder module ran for eight hours. Highlights include:
Aracanist: “Can I linguistics him?”
GM: “What?”
Arcanist: “Y’know, can I, like, say calm down in the soothingest languages I know?”
Orc Fighter: “I’m not sure that’s how it works.”
Arcanist: “I know 84 languages, that’s gotta count for something!”
GM: “Y’know what, sure, roll.”
Arcanist: “That’s an eight, so… thirty-two.”
GM: “… Yeah, he calms down, somehow it works.”
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Orc Fighter, OOC (about an NPC who bites people): “Clearly, his name is Bitey McBiteface.”
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Bitey McBiteface: “You must kill me!”
Arcanist: “Uh, quick question about the area, is there a National Suicide Prevention Line?”
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Orc Fighter: *rolls a nat one on perception*
Orc Fighter, who is 89 years old: “Grandma’s developed cataracts.”
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Orc Fighter, OOC: “Everyone knows General McGeneralface, formerly known as Bitey McBiteface.”
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Bitey McBiteface: *snarling and growling as Orc Fighter pins him*
Orc Fighter: “Now that’s just rude, young man.”
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Orc Fighter: “That’s a nat one but it is a 26 to hit.”
GM: *sigh* “You hit.”
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Arcanist: “So is it a sword?”
GM, frantically looking through her notes: “It… is… something.”
Orc Fighter: “It’s three goblins in a trenchcoat pretending to be a sword.”
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Monk: “What is the population of this town?”
GM, off-guard: “Uh…”
Orc Fighter: “Between one and a fuckton.”
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GM, annoyed with the module: “Aaaaah, why can’t I find the instructions for how to do this peacefully!”
Orc Fighter: “They’re expecting us to be murderhobos.”
Stryx Fighter: “Well…”
Monk: “They’re punishing GM for our peace.”
Arcanist: “Peace in our time, peace in our time.”
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Arcanist, having used Command Undead on an enemy, tied her up, and forced her to play Tic-Tac-Toe with him: “I command her to place her O in the bottom right so I win.”
GM: “She’s gonna fight that… ten.”
Arcanist: “Twenty-four.”
GM: “She writes it with a shaky, reluctant hand.”
Arcanist: “Rather than win immediately, I am not going to touch the board for the next nine days.”
Orc Fighter: “Civilian NPC is just thinking to himself, ‘Do I want to be indebted to these people?’”
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On a rather important diplomacy roll, Arcanist spent about five minutes rolling different dice, as he is one of two members of our five-person party to have a positive charisma modifier, only to roll a three, a five, a two, a one, a four, and so on ten times until we got it. The first time, Orc Fighter tried to help him.
Orc Fighter: “I assist… oh my god. GM, look at the chat.”
Spiritualist, laughing: “Oh my god.”
Orc Fighter, laughing: “I have a -1 to diplomacy and I just rolled a nat one.”
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