#ouch everthing hurts. oh wait why am i crying? why am i so angry? why am i hitting myself???
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Hahaha I thought I'd be fine to get out and eat. How wrong I was.
#i can only deal with making 2 things or eating prepackaged shit#haha fuck you ill only eat fruits and water#ouch everthing hurts. oh wait why am i crying? why am i so angry? why am i hitting myself???#diary#personal#ive recovered again. but by god its been a stressful 48 with it mostly plauged with me shutdown or melting down.#like. for better or worse i can prevent most of a melt down. but like. instead its just agony internally.#ive been playing games for the last god knows how long. it rly does help keep me from getting too bored and melting down further...#honestly tho im like. not very verbal or sociable rn. like. i could. but if its not over text you have to keep it very basic#the reason i started melting down or whatever is bc my dad kept asking me questions when i really couldnt answer *sigh*#and the final straw was when he didnt make up the burger the way i wanted it. and then eating it was jist as bad#idk man. its illogical and no fault to him. but like. i wouldve rather just not eaten today instead :/#disordered eating#like. *sigh* if i have to fucking deal with this shit twice in a 24h period id rather be high as a fucking kite#drugs tw#too bad i cant bc i need to do a resume and maybe have an interview this week#but as soon as i have that done im getting so fucking high.#tomorrow is my dads birthday and like. were supposed to have burgers but im not sure if ill want one bc the one i had today hurts#so like. i wanna vomit bc its just... my stomach feels bad bc of it. ill try taking an acid reducer maybe? idk#im not sure how the hell im going to eat anything the next few days. idk if i will. i always love fruit tho so maybe just that?#like. at first it was#now that my stomach is upset its like idk it just feels like that.#i may just be too full and itll wear off tomorrow#idk i rly feel like this is over the top. just everything is. and like. my emotions r so out of control its hard not to feel like ur faking#like. who gets progressivly more upset over very small things like being asked questions#trick question its me. also sounds n noises n everything else hurts.#when im exceedingly distressed (aka one step further than this like how i was last night) i cant even do anything.#honestly im barely functioning rn... but im trying ig. bc i have stuff to do and games help distract me from this hellscape that is my life#idk. hopefullu ill calm down by tomorrow? like. id like to not have a third meldown so soon...#im glad i could text my mom to ask her to just text me what i should edit my resume to.
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