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#original anon if you're out there I'm genuinely not angry at you. If you message me again I'd be happy to link you more trans zoro art
wellfine · 3 months
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wow...... MANY artists take requests randomly. this isn't the original anon, I just saw your post&was blown away by how rude it was. this anon wasn't even rude. artists are always putting out informationals with like guides on how to speak to them&it's the so egotistical&rude&controlling. I literally won't commission random artists anymore&only my close friends bc of these rules that change artist to artist&don't apply to everyone. anon asked you a simple question&was extremely nice about it&you chose to be an asshole in response. y'all act like you're training rabid dogs or something. just, say no, don't answer, or block the anon. like I can't figure out what ticked you off so much about that. talking to ppl like shit won't help them. it will just make people afraid to speak to you at all. anyways lol you're losing a follower&a fan. maybe let your anger out at the gym or something before you take it out on someone asking an innocent question. they truly probably thought "the worst they could say is no" &you proved them wrong. exactly the reason I no longer commission art from artists who aren't my close friends. my anxiety is too high to deal with the anger&your need to control how other people talk to you(even when it's not mean&they're just asking an innocent question).
Good lordt
Mate, I said "no hard feelings just letting you know this ask came across as rude" after we had a bit of a giggle about how funny it is that they hadn't stumbled upon the specific kind of fanart they wanted to see when IMO it's extremely common in the fandom, and then pointed them to another artist who had already drawn what they wanted to see.
"Don't ask/hint at artists to draw you things for free" is not being rude or demanding or egotistical, it's just a firm boundary. It's not a minefield to navigate, and artists who accept random requests usually say so somewhere in their bio/about. I also think blocking the poor anon would've been way more harsh and unnecessary than letting them know how their behaviour was perceived, cuz if they keep doing it, some other artist is going to be way meaner about it.
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ramonag-if · 1 year
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So I've been going deep into all your Ahlf asks and 😭 I was genuinely surprised to see that so many didn't like Ahlf until chapter 5 was revealed. My MC was all in for Ahlf from the get go. I can completely see how Ahlf was a bad father, but at the same time, I'll take any crumb of fatherly affection I can get — as long as it doesn't come with manipulative strings attached or whatnot. And for all Ahlf's faults, I could tell he was genuinely trying.
The fact that he was genuinely trying, and that Ahlf was self aware enough to know that he really wasn't doing a very good job at it (the moments when he'd be surprised whenever MC showed affection are an iron testament to this) just completely overrode any resentment I or my MC could have felt towards him.
Honestly, going through all those past Ahlf asks just made me think, man, are my daddy issues really that bad? all these anons make such good points but it never even occured to me that I have reasons to be angry at him
And the void just stared at me in silence and replied, you bet they are
So, like. Going through those asks just became me sitting in silent self reflection because. Hells. I feel so called out 😭
I never play MCs as myself. But Crown of Exile became such a deeply personal thing the moment family angst was introduced — which was practically at the very first chapter.
My own relationship with my parents is a... very complicated, brittle thing that I've carried with me for most of my life. And, well. You don't really see the topic of family angst being tackled a lot in IFs. Crown of exile did so masterfully. And it just... drew me in.
I've written you a long ramble of an ask regarding this topic before, but I just had to do it again. Because going through those past asks about Ahlf just gave me a whole new level of appreciation on the depth you'd given your characters. If so many different people can have such different reactions to certain characters (cough Ahlf and Salyra cough) then you know you're doing the whole complicated characters thing right <3
I'm not sure how to go about ending this ramble of an ask, so. Thank you for creating such vivid characters. Ahlf and Salyra have a ton of emotional baggage that got tossed onto the MC (our poor little meow meow MC), and the way you've shown that in the story is everything. It's messed with me in the best ways possible. I'm obsessed. Peppering you with gold star stickers as we speak.
Thank you once again, and have a good day, Ra! :D
Thank you so much! I really don't mind long rambling asks, and yours is not nearly as long and rambling as I tend to get 😅
Ahlf was originally going to be a loving father and Salyra was supposed to be the cruel mother but when I started writing them, their characters took on their own form and things spiralled out of control 👀
I am quite pleased that there are so many reactions to Ahlf and Salyra, but I knew that when I decided to introduce family angst, there was never going to be a clear response or reaction to their choices and actions. I enjoy writing complicated families because it is something I'm familiar with IRL so it comes naturally to me when I do end up writing family interactions.
A lot of the family dynamics is based on emotional neglect which I thought was an important aspect to showcase for the MC's growth and early foundations because one of the main themes in the game is abandonment and not fitting in with others. I think if Ahlf or Salyra were more affectionate and good parents, the MC would have had a very different home life and upbringing that wouldn't have had the same angst that I wanted to write 😅
I do also enjoy family drama in IF because I prefer family angst to romance angst, but then again, I do enjoy any angst 👀😂
Thank you for your lovely message and in grateful for your support 💖
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reluctant-mandalore · 2 years
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As a fellow writer, I've been following you for a long time and I'm terribly shy and anxious, which is why I'm on anon right now, but I'm so sorry you're getting hate for speaking up about an issue that matters to so many people in the fandom, but oftentimes is left ignored :(
I went through your original post that apparently offended someone enough to the point where they felt compelled to send you hate, and for the life of me, I still can't figure out why they felt like they needed to take time out of their day to do that? That first message was already out of line, but then they were compelled to bring up how often you write, as if it fucking matters when you were mainly speaking of the obvious whitewashing and racism of the show?? It just seems like a poor attempt at getting under your skin, but as someone who hasn't written in forever, I hope you didn't take it to heart and let it discourage you from creating more content in the future.
It's absolutely insane to me that someone could read through a post where you explicitly said, 'hey, unfollow me if you support this bullshit' and still somehow be an absolute fucking ignorant troglodyte about this ongoing issue 🤡 I'm so angry on your behalf, and you're handling this way better than I certainly would have 😭
Firstly thanks so much for the kind words anon! I honestly cannot express enough of much I appreciate stuff like this. It was very sweet of you ❤️ I’ll do my best not to take what that those nasty anons said to heart. Thank you 🥰
For real. The most I expected from the post was honestly some unfollows. Like I genuinely did not think someone would take such great offence to the post to start a shitstorm in my ask box. Although considering how some other people have been treated after speaking about the whitewashing and their dislike for tbb I guess it’s actually not surprising at all. There are people in the fandom who are super defensive about the show and refuse to listen to any criticisms about it. It’s a very toxic mentality to have in my opinion, and I think people like that nasty anon only seem to prove that.
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koushisatori · 3 years
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if you can't believe in others, at least believe in us
kyoutani x gn!reader
genre: as ordered: a bit of angst w a touch of comfort
warnings: one (1) big jealous idiot, miscommunication
word count: 5.4k
note: this is smth an anon asked me to do (but like...nearly a year ago, I'm not sure if anon is still there or if they remember and my dumbass deleted the ask so I just beta-ed through whatever I had but I know they called me out on enjoying jealous characters so here we go) I'm sorry, mysterious anon, I'm stupid </3 Anyway, that's that. I don't remember if reader was supposed to be female or not so I made it gn!reader (but if I forgot to change something, pls tell me so I can fix any errors c: It's also my first attempt I apologize in advance)
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In the beginning, you weren't sure why your boyfriend is ignoring you
You can't remember doing something that would annoy him, nor do you remember an instant of anger in his eyes that would give you a hint about his reasoning to stay away from you
He explained early on that sometimes he just needs a day of distance because Kentarou could feel the anger simmering right under the surface, enough that something small could tick him off already, and he would hate if you were on the receiving end of this unexplained fury
Both of you also made sure to promise each other to clearly communicate, the relationship between the two of you would not last long if you're not properly telling each other what might be bothering or hurting...just in general cross a boundary
Communication probably was one of the most important aspects of your relationship
cue to the actual situation: your boyfriend avoiding you
So, Monday evening you think maybe it's this overwhelming sensation of unexplained anger and that something at morning practice ticked him off completely
But then Tuesday comes and goes, and your boyfriend had avoided you all day long, did not even bother to read your messages,
on Wednesday, you try to talk to him, but all he does is glaring at you with a look that leaves you speechless and kind of heartbroken,
Thursday is the day you're replaying everything you did on Monday, trying to find something that he could have misunderstood, yet no matter how hard you think about it…your brain won't come up with a reason that explained why Kentarou was so upset with you!
So you decide to make him talk to you on Friday
Enough is enough, right? For gods' sake, he is your boyfriend! You miss him and his strong arms that give hugs so warm that you melt right into them
You don't get a second alone with him until school ends
you practically sprint out of the school building over to the gym, knowing that he had a free hour, which means that he is probably the first person there - your only chance
There he is, sitting with his back to you, aggressively chewing on a bun filled with chicken - his usual that reminded him of his favorite dish - glaring holes into the ground
After taking a deep breath to calm yourself, you carefully aks: ''Kentaro…Ken…?'', slowly stretching out your hand, wanting to rest it on his shoulder to maybe help to soothe him a bit
he flinches instead and his heated, agitated gaze meets your eyes, making you recoil in return
''…will you talk to me, I miss you…'' you say softly, realizing how it hurt being ignored by him
''Ah, suddenly you miss me…'' he spits, narrowing his eyes ''…didn't fucking seem like it the last time I saw you…''
''Kentaro, baby, I have no idea what you mean,'' you plead, keeping your voice low to hide the desperation lacing it, confusion written all over your features
all Kyoutani does is growl, hopping down from where he's sitting while shouldering his gym bag
''...shouldn't have been so flirty with Shittykawa like that then-'' he grumbles - ''Ken, I didn't-'' you insist, but he continues ''twirling your hair, batting your pretty eyelashes at him, fuck you Y/N, if you want him, then feel free to take a fucking leave" Kyoutani cusses, not even listening to you
You shake your head, ''Kentaro, no, you totally misunderstood the situation,'' you follow up, panic seeping into your voice now that you knew what he referred to, ''I love yo-''
''Tsk'', he moves to leave
you try to take his hand but, instead of turning around, Kyoutani just rips it away from you, tucking it into the pocket of his jacket
from behind you, you hear Yahaba and Oikawa approaching (talking about Volleyball and Captains duties)
once they guessed what must have happened, they offered you their help (they both swear that Kyoutani will never ever find a ''cute s/o as you are, y/n-chan, I'm worried for my little angry pomeranian kohai'' )
Usually, you would try to talk to him, but after enduring a week of radio silence and now this treatment, you were tired of upholding something that seemed like a lost cause
you just wave both setters off and leave the school grounds, a frown plastered onto your lips and tears swimming in your eyes
Kentarou had not listened to you, did not even really look at you, and the few seconds he did, his eyes were filled with rage instead of the warmth he had usually reserved for you (and only for you)
If your boyfriend thinks avoiding you for a week and blaming you for something ridiculous without hearing you out is how you handle a relationship…maybe you would have to consider not pursuing it any longer
Which is easier said than done
The whole night you wait for a message, anything, and then all Saturday morning
you still had hope left
You get one from Yahaba, who tells you that Oikawa tried to clear up the situation as well after the reason for your fight dawned on him (Kyoutanis piss poor mood and behavior towards him a strong indicator) but Kentaro, again, just ran off
The future team captain even called you after your lackluster answer, listening to you getting the frustration and sadness out of your system
It didn't matter, right? Your boyfriend decided to unofficially call it quits by implying that your feelings for him were not genuine instead of using his mouth to talk to you and disregarding everyone involved
as if he wanted to ignore the truth as a convenient excuse to get out of your relationship
that's the conclusion your brain came up with
You softly sniffle in the privacy of your room, clutching a pillow to your chest (which has seen more tears in the last two days than in the past three years), deciding that it would be a good idea to go into the city to treat yourself
knowing that your mother has a hair-dresser appointment somewhen today, you go and announce that you would join her to finally buy the latest season of your favorite series
once there, you additionally get microwave popcorn, chocolate, and ice cream, as well as a pretty shirt you saw on a mannequin while window shopping
you feel a lot better after spending some money and ignoring the lingering sadness of your presumable break up with Kyoutani (who you love ok, it is not that easy)
In between your stops, you meet Iwaizumi and Oikawa munching on fatty burgers (celebrating your cheat days like a holiday and indulging in whatever your heart desires, is what makes it easier to stick with healthier habits the rest of the time was the questionable explanation coming from the brown-haired setter, pointing at you with a soggy potato fry)
after a moment, the setters eyes turn sad, a frown replacing the smile on his lips
he wraps his fingers around your wrist to stop you from going just yet, apologizing for being the cause of your fight and for being unable to talk some sense into him
(you assure him that it is not his fault, knowing that your friend will probably brood over it otherwise, which wouldn't be fair)
Iwaizumi adds that Kyoutani will come around and that his cooldown time is just longer than those of other people (and if not, he will give him one of his famous volleyballs to the head and use his status as only truly respected senpai to talk some sense into him) but you again decline their suggestions
after saying goodbye (and seeing Iwaizumi give his best friend an assuring gentle pat on his shoulder, the secret softy in the usual harsh ace shining through)
If Kentaro was willing...able to throw away your relationship this easily, he can't possibly really love you, and you'd accept this even if it's hard and painful
Now remembered of what you had attempted to forget about, you feel your eyes sting with unshed tears (you thought there was no possibility of you having more tears to spill, yet the impossible seemed to be the case) you look down at your phone to text your mom and frown
Kentaro 🥰: we need to talk. Kentaro 🥰: meet me there [location]
For a second, you hesitate, biting your lower lip harshly…you really want to go and talk to him but…
The tears still sting in your eyes and blurring your view reminded you of what you had gone through the whole time, and that it was his turn to finally come to you
break up or makeup, the ball was in his court now
so while walking to where your mother would be waiting for you, you begin to type
You: No.
You: I waited for you all week, even though you ignored me, and now you expect me to run the moment you choose to stop being a childish idiot?
You: if you decide to speak to me then comqjdkn
Kentarou wouldn't say he feels particularly bad. Not at all! If someone was to ask him, he would probably answer fucking peachy, what the fuck are you asking for or growl angrily. No one would bat an eye and further question him, nor guess that maybe he wasn't as great as he pretended because he missed his gorgeous better half, but…it was his fault, wasn't it?
Of course, he originally thought he had a valid reason to be upset. And if he had just spoken to you about it, everything would be solved now. Instead of being a decent boyfriend, though, his pride overtook his thinking processes once he realized that his behavior wasn't even the slightest bit justified. Not that he knew this when he saw you speaking with Shittykawa right before school. All he could see was his gorgeous s/o shyly fiddling with her fingers, conversing with a leaned forward, very involved Oikawa Tooru. He would have fetched you away from the brown-haired setter. He had no qualms about showing his possessiveness. God, Kentarou wouldn't have hesitated to growl at the tall, brown-haired boy if not for the question he heard coming from the Captain.
''Y/N-chan, how is it that you, an adorable, charming individuum, is with a brute like Mad Dog-chan? I really-'' Well, that's where he decided to leave you with the setter. He didn't need to hear your answer. Didn't want to witness an excuse or maybe the truth. If both of you were so fucking smitten with each other to flirt this blatantly, why don't you just go and cheer for him, hold his hand, and kiss his cheek goodbye? It was his choice to distance himself.
Kyoutani couldn't help the feeling of betrayal and hurt washing over him. Maybe you just used him as a stepping stone to get closer with Oikawa, and Kyoutani has been too blind to see it. He never doubted you or your relationship before, but it's not a secret how eruptive Kyoutani could be. It has always been beyond his imagination how someone so cute and sweet like you could love a person like him. Your friends thought so. The teachers. The whole school! Everyone questioned your poor judgment. And when you came running up to him, you're cheery voice calling out for him, everyone present looked at you like you grew a second head. It's the reason why seeing you with Trashykawa ticked him off so bad. It catered to his biggest insecurities and fears. He knew that all those skeptics would be delighted to see you, everyone's darling, with the schools' star setter. They all would agree that the pretty, handsome young man is a better fit than the always hostile-looking troublemaker.
While Kyoutani didn't take Oikawa seriously in most cases, he undoubtedly was one of the most devoted people Kentarou had ever met. If Oikawa wanted to get a new serve right, he wouldn't stop trying and repeating it until his legs gave in, and Iwaizumi dragged him out of the gym. When he wanted to find more advanced players to practice with, so he could, in return, give this new knowledge to his team, there was no way he would not manage to make it happen. Even if his ideas, wishes, and plans cost him blood, sweat, and tears (like getting Kyoutani to actually train), Oikawa never backed down. Kentarou had heard that Oikawa's last girlfriend dumped him because of his passion for Volleyball. Yet Kyoutani couldn't help but think that, in you, the ambitious setter would have found someone that would be able to handle it. You usually came over to watch the team when you knew that Kyoutani was there to play. You sat on the stands with your homework in your lap and a Seijoh-coloured pencil wiggling between your fingers, not bothered by the noises coming from the court. You play with your earlobe while you frown at whatever problem you came across. You patiently wait for practice to finish. Kentarou was sure that you'd be someone Oikawa would actually try for. You weren't one of his squealing fangirls, hanging from his arm on every opportunity, but his friend. You didn't pester him to take selfies with you while pushing cute bentos into his hands. When you bring food to practice, then it's for the whole team to share. If he wanted you, Oikawa would probably have to win you over and make sure that you'd stay. Courting and all that jazz. In all seriousness, Shittykawa would be a fucking idiot if not.
The dyed-blond wing spiker had been so sure that he was rightfully mad that he didn't stop to think twice before he reacted this coldly towards you. But, and this made it even worse, Kentarou knew that he was wrong the moment you asked what happened after an entire week of enduring his silent treatment. The second he heard your shaky voice and saw the tears welling up in your eyes, his brain rebooted, and suddenly he wasn't so sure of his own reasoning. You two were together for about half a year. Kyoutani - by now - was confident in his ability to identify most of your expressions. All he could decipher in your eyes was pain, paired with a need to understand, but…if he was in the wrong…it would mean that he had hurt you the whole week, which in conclusion implied that Kentarou had been the world's shittiest boyfriend. Fuck, he thought, I don't deserve y/n.
His situation didn't get any better the moment Oikawa entered the gym. The person Kyoutani thought he had a real reason to despise now tried to mend the rift between the two of you.
''Mad Dog-chan, I think you misunderstood something there. Well, no, you decided to not listen-'' The taller male says, hands gesturing wildly. While his voice still had that annoyingly cheery tone, it had something commanding hidden underneath. And oh, how Kentarou hated when someone demanded something of him, even if it was for his own good. ''Don't want to hear it.'' the blond mutters, already aggravated. The brown-haired setter resolutely puts himself in the way again. ''Oh, but you have to! That morning, Y/N-chan literally declared her love for yo-'' - ''I don't fucking care.'' Kentarou barks, not looking Oikawa in the eyes.
After another fruitless attempt to get properly into the gym, he growls and turns to leave. Already on his way to grab his stuff and take a leave, he hears Oikawa yelling. ''You answered and justified why I asked Y/N-chan to begin with!" And then louder, even though he could make out Iwaizumi trying to wrestle his childhood friend back into the gym, "APOLOGIZE, YOU IDIOT! YOU BETTER GROVEL FOR Y/N'S FORGIVENESS! THEY DESERVE BETTER THAN THIS SHOW YOU'RE PUTTING ON, AND YOU KNOW IT!"
This happened on Friday evening, and the guilt was gnawing away on him ever since. On his way home, Kyoutani had automatically taken the detour to your house. Kentarou enjoyed bringing you home (and more often than not, you pulled him inside with you, making him cuddle you!). It makes him feel like a good boyfriend, and he knew that you arrived there safely. He would never tell anybody and deny it if you ever decided to share this, but Kentarou relished in the feeling of your hand holding his all the way while going on about your day. He admired that you'd pet every cat and every dog you meet on the trip home together with him. You were perfect for him…why again did he act like this?
What caused Kyoutani's attempt to apologize - in his usual overly blunt and partly aggressive kind of way - was Yahaba, though. Both boys denied being remotely something beyond 'not really enemies'. But his future team captain was definitely one of the very few people that could and would tell him to his face that he fucked up without real repercussions. He would presumably even help Kyoutani to get it together.
After Yahaba had called you and listened to your heartbreaking rant, the setter realized that you, his friend, and his 'not really enemy' needed to talk ut out. Totally immersed in your tirade, you accidentally let slip that you couldn't endure Kyoutani's treatment any longer. That being pushed over by your boyfriend with brash and hurtful words after handling the cold shoulder was too much. That you expected Kyoutani to break up with you on Monday either way. In-person, if he had mercy on you or continue his treatment as a silent method of doing so. While you told Yahaba about your planned ''get over it-self-care'' weekend (involving tons of ice cream, movies with crying guarantee, lots of blankets, and no smartphone), the setter had already put on his jacket, shooting a message to Kyoutani.
From Yahaba: get your stupid fucking ass outside to meet me, or I'll bench you the complete season next year
Even though the wing spiker was sure that Yahaba's words were nothing but empty words, Kentarou allowed himself to accept this threat as an excuse to put his pride aside. Because, even though Yahaba annoyed him to no end - not as bad as Oikawa but still - Kentarou was also aware that you and he were friends. If someone could help him gaining your forgiveness, Kyoutani had to accept and admit that it was Yahaba. Meeting his light brown-haired teammate was kind of awkward. Kyoutani was unsure what he had to expect, though he should have seen the rough treatment coming. Yet, getting told that you, the person Kentarou was undeniably in love with, felt so neglected and hurt that you deemed this relationship to be as good as over allowed the guilt monster in his chest to grow. Shitty Oikawa was probably right ordering him to grovel and beg on his knees for you to even hear him out.
Your answer to his message was partly unlike you. Well, the last sentence. You usually were pretty forward with him to avoid miscommunication and uncalled-for moping around. And while you sometimes send keyboard smashes to express the chaos you felt, they were always in a separate message and not so…random. The text definitely meant something like ''then come to me'' but somehow, Kyoutani had an uneasy feeling about the whole thing.
Besides, he couldn't just wait till Monday and hope that you'd accept his apology! You may send him away today already, but he still had a teeny-tiny bit of hope. If he let the thoughts of him leaving you or the other way around fester in your mind for two whole days, though,…you'd probably realize that leaving him wasn't that bad of a decision. You'd come to the conclusion that all your admirers could treat you better than Kyoutani did. And he was too selfish to let you leave. Even though all he did the whole week was being self-centered and stuck up, he would be damned to begin being a saint now and let you go. That you at least were willing to talk to him was…a relief, to say the least. Kentarou hoped that this translated to you being willing to put up with him a little longer if he apologized correctly. That you're not opposed to giving him another chance to make things right.
At your house, he was greeted with darkness. Not even a single light illuminating any of the rooms he could see from his spot on your front lawn. And the ones he saw were your and your mom's most-used rooms. Your room window, your mothers' workroom, and the living room area with an adjacent kitchen. All of those rather significant rooms and the lack of light in them seemed to be a dead giveaway for Kyoutani that no one was home. Kyoutani guessed that you were probably out with your mom, glancing over to the empty spot in front of the garage.
Oh god, your mother had been the only supportive person of your relationship. Maybe it's in your family to see the best in everyone, even in shitty people like him. But if you told her about his behavior, she'd most likely not welcome him with a smile ever again, no matter if you forgave him.
There weren't many things Kyoutani could do in this situation, but it wasn't as late as nature let it on, and after a few seconds, he had decided to sit down at the front door and wait for you, hoping that it wouldn't take too long for you to come home. As if fate wanted to tell him something, the wing spiker had put on the jacket with the half-full power bank. He had worn it to the shelter when he visited it this week while distracting himself from your absence in his daily life. You had gifted him the piece of clothing, which is probably why he unconsciously had decided to wear it to everything he did after school in the first place.
Kentarou passed the time by snarling at people eyeing him for a moment too long to not be judgmental, petting the neighbors' cat wandering over to him, and watching videos. Every time he thought ''Y/N would like this'', his heart stuttered guilty.
To Kentarou, it felt like an eternity until your mother's car finally drove up the entry. To avoid your mother's potentially deadly stare, he nervously checked his mobile, realizing that he had waited for a little more than 3 hours. Yet, the wait had done nothing to soothe his nerves. They instantly spiked up again while his heart threatened to jump out of his throat.
She will hate me. Your mother would hate me, she'll hate me, she'll ha-
''Ah, Ken-chan! Good evening.'' Your mother greets him with a tired, yet still gentle smile. Oh. The blond blanches. He'd never admit it, but he enjoyed the treatment he received from your mother more than he should. Being spoken to without suspicion and receiving a warm smile every time without fail was a welcome change to his daily life. Your mother didn't listen to people trying to bad-mouth him. To her, he simply was the boy that - normally - treats her child the way a mother wished for. Even if he pulled a face as long as a fiddle.
''I didn't know you were coming, Ken-chan, or I would have messaged you…but now that you're here, maybe you can assist us out and help Y/N inside? It would help a lot.'' His gaze immediately flitted over to you on the passenger seat. With your arms crossed in front of your chest and that stubborn but endearingly cute pout on your lips, he nearly missed the tiredness your body emitted. Kentarou wanted to rush over to your side immediately but was stopped by your mother again. ''I don't know what you two are fighting about…but please talk to each other. I don't want my baby to be this sad. Especially now, and…'' she rests a hand on his shoulder, her eyes kind and comforting ''…I also don't want to miss you here, alright?'' He stiffly nodded and watched your mother carrying in plastic bags filled with various medicine packages and food.
After coming back to his senses, Kyoutani finally stumbled over to your side, practically ripping open the car door. This new perspective revealed a plaster cast wrapping your whole left leg and a removable wrist brace on your right hand. ''Bab- Y/N…what the fuck…happened?'' His honey-brown eyes continued to wander over your injuries, and with every second, he found more. Scratches and scrapes, bandaids and bandages peeking out from underneath your clothes. ''I'm so sorry,'' he whispered, hanging his head low.
All your intentions to fight his helping hand and limp over to the door by yourself disintegrated into nothing. You never witnessed such a devastated, beaten expression on his face before. Instead, you settle for ''Will you help me?''. A question asked quietly to your fingers picking at a loose band-aid edge on your arm and pressing it back onto the irritated skin.
After you loosened your seatbelt, he waits for you to carefully place your arms around his neck. It is followed by Kyoutani lifting you out of the car so gently as if he was afraid you might break. This whole situation in itself already contradicting his brash appearance and usual behavior. It would give whiplash to all the people pretending to know him. But he was always caring in his own way when it came to you. It's why you loved him after all. Because you usually knew that he loved you, too.
For a few moments, the atmosphere between the two of you felt awkwardly tense, both of you unsure how to interact with each other. The mostly blonde wing spiker breathed out a sigh of relief when you fully leaned into his chest once he stood upright, resting your head against his shoulder. A bit of maneuvering through the front door eventually lead to Kyoutani passing through the hallway and taking you to your room, where he was gently lowering you down on the bed.
It was a now or never kind of situation. For the both of you. While Kentarou was trying to find out where to begin his apology, he took a few steps back in case you wanted space until everything was cleared up.
You unconsciously helped him making a decision by impulsively grasping onto his shirt the moment he started to withdraw, stopping him in his retreating movement. Kentarou saw your lower lips wobbling, teary eyes looking up at him pleadingly.
''Please stay,'' you say weakly, which is enough for him to throw the whole thinking process away and simply sit down next to you, intertwining both your hands. ''I'm staying. I'm not leaving. Not now nor this relationship if you still want...an ''us''. The wing spiker took a deep, shuttering breath. '' I'm sorry, Y/N…'' he finally manages to say, honey eyes locked onto your linked your hands. ''I have been fucking stupid all week. 've been a fucking terrible boyfriend, the worst to ever exist.''
As if to encourage him...to show your boyfriend that his apology was not for nothing, you shuffled around until the last bit of distance between the two of you was closed. You hum, acknowledging his words while leaning your head on his shoulder.
''I didn't think you're cheating or something, …'' Kyoutani immediately assures you. There was no way he would allow you to think that he would accuse you of something like this. ''I had no reason to be jealous, but I was insecure. Let it get the best of me. Despite our promise to communicate, I was sulking. 't was easier. I'll do whatever the fuck you want for you to not give up yet…'' he says, taking his time with every sentence.
With a sigh, you squeeze his hand. ''It will probably take a lot of cuddling and attention from you...'' you say thoughtfully ''...but I forgive you…if you promise to not do this again…'' you murmur, tilting your head upward to press a chaste kiss to his jaw. ''Otherwise, I'll accept Iwaizumi-san's offer to get your thinking process restarted.'' For a moment, your voice had its usual joking edge. But you knew talking out everything was necessary. ''But, in all honesty, 'Tarou....please, never do this again. I am honest. I will not endure this a second time. When you tell me that you need a day or two for yourself then that is totally fine. If you feel yourself giving into whatever insecurity, talk to me about it. I am sure there will be an explanation or a solution but don't leave me in the dark. Don't treat me like that. I love you. Only you and no one else. But the time love can withstand straight-up ignorance by your partner is limited.''
Slowly, your boyfriend nodded, squeezing your hand to tell you that he understood. You would probably cling to him for a while but were sure that he would survive the extra closeness. Not even half a second later, his head leans onto yours cautiously.
''…and try being nicer to Oikawa-san, Tarou, he hasn't done anything to you.'' You add humorously before small giggles started to erupt from your lips. ''Also...Baby…'' you start, being interrupted by choked-up hiccups and giggles. By using your nickname for him, you take away another persistent fear of his. What he does not miss, however, is how you wince in pain before you continue, ''…who helped you put this into words? I mean…I loved it, but…,'' You leave unsaid that words usually are not his strong fort.
Biting back a smile, he frowns, huffs, and puffs…, but the way you are looking up at him, eyes shining with relief and adoration, allows him to admit defeat. He sighs ''…it's how Yahaba said I should say it…'' It usually would be an odd enough statement to make you throw yourself all over him with laugher. As a slight replacement, you squeeze his hand a bit, still shaking with suppressed laughter. ''I promise…that I will talk to you. Can't promise the Shittykawa part.'' Another soft chuckle leaves your lips before you look up at him again. ''I hope you try nonetheless. You should not let Iwaizumi-san hear you calling Oikawa-san that, though, I don't think this would turn out well for you…so...maybe stop this at least.'' Kentarou rolls his eyes at you, but in the end, he nods.
You wait for another second to clearly distinguish the two topics before you continue. ''…Thank you…for coming and finally speaking with me instead of break-'' A hand on your lips muffles your words.
''Don't say these words. I'd never break up with you,'' Kentarou grumbles, a light, uncharacteristic light pink settling on his cheeks. You stick your tongue out, which leads to him taking his hand off of your face with a surprised noise, rather dumbfounded that you had licked his hand. It gives you the chance to lean up and finally press your lips against his. ''I'm not leaving you either,'' you murmur, feeling his lips twitch upwards slightly. You decide to leave the teasing for another day.
Moving back into your previous position was enough of a hassle to hiss in pain. It brought back Kyoutani's awareness of the second problem at hand. ''What did happen to you?'' Kyoutani asks in an attempt to tamper down the excited, happy beating of his heart.
''Oh, this...uh, when I answered your text, I got driven over by a dude on a bicycle,'' you casually drop. It was kind of entertaining to watch his expressions change at an unequaled pace while processing your words. In the end, it settled into something akin to passive-aggressive worry. The way he was immediately fretting over you while cursing and cussing out the bicycle dude was his own way of caring. As you watch him retrieving the food your mother bought, while mumbling about how you're a dumbass for not paying attention to your surroundings, how he'd come over every day until you could go to school again to bring and teach you the stuff you would miss and how he would fucking murder the bicycle idiot if he ever finds out who dared to drive you over, you can't help the smile forming on your lips.
Once again, you are proven that loving him - while occasionally troublesome and demanding - was everything but wrong.
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mcdanhoe · 4 years
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Hey! You're quite entitled to rant and rave as much as you want don't let anyone tell you otherwise. The way I see it it's almost like a wound, you have to let the poison out before it will heal. I'm just reading fix it fics and not even exaggerating the writing is so much better than the actual ending. But I hope you can find something to make you smile again ❤
hey anon!!
thank you for your message. there haven’t been people exactly saying to stop complaining, rather I feel like everyone’s approach to the whole situation with the finale is to just accept it and move on.
the problem is, I personally think that this is part of a bigger issue, and I cant help but feel the need to address it. yes, I'll still enjoy the content we have, and I'll still be angry about what we lost, but I do think that all of this is part of a bigger picture. television, media, et cetera... this is something we’ve all experienced before, and it goes beyond “not getting our way” and “not getting the ending we wanted.” 
I totally believe that fix-it fics are amazing, and im so glad that you enjoy them! It makes a big difference if you have that outlet and can look past the content we were given.
personally, i think I'm at the point where I'm just tired of getting my hopes up. im tired of loving characters and shows and movies that are in the hands of the wrong people. because, as we see with fanfics and fanart, in the hands of the right people, it can be beautiful, even better than the original.
I guess my point is, I don't know where to go from here. if I keep going in this direction, staying angry and moving on to my next fixation or a new show to watch, it’s highly likely I'll get burned again. I know this because it happened before this, and the time before that. 
I've never been a particularly positive person. hell, I had no hopes for mcdanno actually being canon. I joked about it a lot but I just wanted a relatively happy ending with the two of them in each other’s lives. and we didnt even get that. it’s hard to look forward and move past this when the last time I tried to do that, I ended up here lol.
sorry for the vent, anon. I guess it works differently for everyone, but for me, I think I'm just gonna keep processing my feelings and thoughts on here until I feel I have done them justice, and then imma just move the fuck on. thank you for the message, it genuinely made my day and im so glad you and others have been interacting with me :)
(also, if yall could rec some good fix-it fics, maybe some will turn my mood around?)
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navelgazed · 2 years
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This goes to anyone, but if you're genuinely doing harm to yourself by engaging in syscourse, don't do it. Take steps to separate yourself from that space, whatever that takes.
We genuinely do not get all that upset when people disagree with us on the issues, the thing we hate is when people misrepresent an argument. We think it's harmful to tell people they have trauma they don't remember without being their psychiatrist or therapist. We think, in general, if you disagree or are uncomfortable with someone existing a certain way you have an obligation to separate yourself from them, not to try to change their behavior.
I feel uncomfortable and don't necessarily believe every person in the community with my whole chest, but it's also not my business. I was wrong about my origins and system functioning multiple times in the past, but someone coming into the tag to tell me that I'm totally wrong about it was not, in fact, how I figured that out. People find the truth on their own time.
So I guess this is our stance on syscourse: if it upsets you, makes you angry, or triggers you to lash out at people questioning your claims in good faith, maybe don't. Just find a place where you can have a nice time on the internet. I do this mostly for shits and giggles and because the syscourse space is very low on voices that have been part of the community for any significant length of time, to its detriment. I've gotten anons telling me to unalive myself, calling me fake, insulting and harassing me for...at least the past eight years? It isn't going to bother me.
But if it bothers you, stop hurting yourself and putting others at risk of being hurt by you. If you can't handle someone being a little snippy with you, then don't. Engage. Delete the account and stop putting yourself at risk for being drawn back in.
(And for that matter, echoing agreement. Don't send vile anon hate to syscourse accounts. Endogenic and allied systems are equally responsible for their social media experience, and abuse isn't okay. Make liberal use of the block button if you feel the urge to send a message like that, and do yourself and them a favor.)
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