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electric-marrow · 4 years

Text

mouth dreams review but it was typed live while i was listening to it and completely unedited

under the cut because it’s 1800+ words. also, swearing. actual review to come soon!!

mouth dreams' first track is ephemeral and beautiful, spine-chilling and moving. it rocks you into this world in a beautiful passageway, like the entrance to sakaar, and the moment it peaks over into the twilight opening you are almost on the verge of tears.

and then we will rock you kicks in.

/and then the spongebob squarepants opening theme kicks in/.

and then the two motherfucking /sync/.

a beautiful piece of childhood, worked over another. beautiful guitar overlaid with beautiful chanting almost powerful.

the next song uses extensive sentence mixing, but is cut so smoothly that we are convinced Cash is offering up an absurd, painstakingly honest tale. "it's probably a good train." fuck, fuck, yes, it probably is. "my mama was my train." fuck, she was...

the instrumentals are soul-rising, and the "baby, baby, baby" undercurrent is eargasmic. everything about it feels like you're listening to your dying mentor's backstory.

it moves you, and you keep moving. this whole album keeps you in constant motion, as if you yourself have some falling to do.

and then he says "i shit my pants". and you realise, this is it, this is NEIL'S ALBUM, oh, how foolish you were for forgetting.

HELL YES IT'S FUCKING PSYCHO KILLER. let me pause the review of that song, fuck yes.

a heavily sentence-mixed "pyscho killer" focusing on david byrne's bed, overlaid atop the iconic instrumentals of super freak.

this makes the talking heads classic seem like an upbeat song you might hear on the radio. it's much less somber, more passionate.

neil's humor pokes through visibly, shining like a beacon of light that brings a smile to your tear-stained face.

there's no room to breathe on this album; the songs come running together in the most gorgeous of ways. holy shit, am i only twelve minutes in? i think i might sob.

this one is unfamiliar at first—i only saw the partridge family once or twice as a kid. the remixing is smooth, so that it sounds natural.

so natural that when it starts to sound unnatural, it's a terrifying work of art that made me shake. a plea with you to be happy, almost a demand, like they're outside your windows.

the music starts to dance from ear to ear, and it's almost masterful in the horror it invokes.

and then there's scatting. or, what sounds like it.

and then you realise it's the chili's babyback ribs ad. it's soulful, placed atop everybody wants to rule the world in smooth ease.

that's when marilyn manson starts shrieking. the roughness, the rasp, smacking against that smooth drawl. it's a beautiful juxtaposition.

oh, and then the lion sleeps tonight is there. somehow, it fits. you start to revel in neil's genius. no one will ever be able to achieve this again, not in the same way. this is the beacon that you needed in these dark times.

you wonder if you'll cry the next time you hear this.

it's a pretty effective ad, actually. if marilyn manson advertised everything, i might buy it.

the next song makes you jump to attention. the track teased in the trailer, with its jumping guitar and its congested vocals. this sounds almost natural, like an authentic goth song.

of course, he has to say "mouth". aerosmith and green day and, most importantly, neil cicierega, combining to create a mouthy ballad that echoes through you.

—oh, goddamnit, green day. september 30th. neil woke up when september ended. fuck. dammit. is that insensitive? maybe. shit.

i'm not well-versed with music, so these songs were both pretty alien. however, their mixing is masterful, and the removal of the singer's objections to his situations form a sweet little ballad.

my own worst enemy. this one is familiar, and it makes heads turn as you realise what music is slowly remixed.

a rocking tribute to sleeping with your clothes on. short, sweet, rockin' and rollin' as hard as it can.

the segue is beautiful, like it's natural.

the lyrics make your chest heave, and the sound itself is heavily distorted to a dreamy state, as if you are as drunk as the singer sounds. anything can be amore, you realise.

the distortion is noticeable without ruining the track, and neil has gotten significantly better.

it ends a little more nightmarishly, and makes you feel very real. very in your skin. fuck yeah, neil.

the following "stop" is even more jarring, and it's almost welcome.

and then, stacy's mom. i think the instrumentals are where is my mind, i don't know. but it /works/, and it fits together, with stacy's mom slowed down considerably but not so that it ruins the track. the pitch is shifted properly so that it becomes an angry slow ballad about stacy's mom. rife with heartbreak.

and then it stops, breaks off into a cry for "mom" that might awaken buried maternal issues in the listener. maybe just me, though.

here comes fred durst. it gets the "wow wow" treatment, and its nookie theme becomes sweet, bouncing around with innocent sentimentality. i thought i heard seinfeld around there somewhere.

this is a good point in the album to close your eyes and really hear the album, to feel what ou are truly experiencing. it can move by too fast if you're not paying attention. listen to that iconic sledgehammer guitar. listen to—mario?

fuck. fuck. fuck.

fucking christ. not the fucking ewok celebration.

almost nonsensical lyrics play over the nookie instrumental (reversing the last track's roles), and the combination is natural and rowdy. you slowly realise what those ewoks reflected in neil's glasses /mean/, and it horrifies you just a little.

god, that's good. fuck you, neil.

jingles? is that—jingles?

a moment of confusion. and then, THX.

the iconic, crawling note, invading your ears and then slowly fading out. "she drives me crazy" is playing, and the THX sound is its backing track.

only neil.

it gets better as it goes on, from a joking track to a genuinely orchestral sensation. it's good music. it's beautiful. it feels like an action movie soundtrack, as the hero discovers a massive secret.

maybe you are dreaming.

the next sound sample is jarring. the announcement. the outsiders cast. and then more, and then more. it feels like a list of gods left in a dying world. johnny.

and then there is johnny cash.

and then it isn't.

what neil plays is heartbreaking. it feels like your world is crashing down around you. it's a betrayal that could bring anyone to their knees. the booing played behind it is appropriate.

but he builds that world right back up, with soft, strumming guitar. it's forgiveness and vitriol all rolled into one.

actually, you can forgive him for the next track. yes. fireflies. let's fucking go. closer overlaid with fireflies. yes. hell yes.

it's like a gift, a peace offering.

the nostalgic, upbeat lyrics, feel deeper atop the warbling, warped backing track. it's like owl city's song about dreaming feels like it could be a teenage angst anthem.

it's art.

the plucked guitar fades out, and the lyrics start to distort. everything fades away...

nevermind, time for billy joel.

the shrieking, screaming, rasping lyrics of nightmare are mixed atop the bouncing piano music, so the song lays halfway between an upbeat piece of joy, and a warning.

it ain't over yet.

xylophone. why is there xylophone?

the iconic "powerhouse" track serves as our instrumentals, the classic sound one from our childhood as the droning sound of jack white forms a buzzing piece of heartbreak. only neil, right?

only neil.

the "War" sample is iconic, and it makes you jump.

the "Wannabe" sample will make you writhe.

iconic, jamming guitar, and also wario. the spice girls, and also wario. yes. yes. this is it.

the following laughter brings back your childhood. elfman's work on the peewee soundtrack, peripatetic in nature, running up and down your ears as gorillaz croons a bittersweet sound. it becomes almost triumphant against the instrumental, re-energized like the monster in frankenstein's lab.

peewee is laughing. maybe we should laugh too.

the next one up is soft, plucked note by note, until alanis morisette goes completely off the deep end. the spoons, alanis.

holy shit, is that knight rider?

this mashup is classic, expertly remixed without a single hitch. it's neil at his finest, neil at his neiliest, alanis' quiet "Don't you think?" almost smug.

the sound of rain, followed by the crooning iconic "raiiiiin" is enough to make you break down. this is a blessing from an unknowable god.

two backstreet boys lines run up against each other, forming a surrounding sound that envelopes you in shaking guitar until the distorted sound in the back becomes noticeable.

there it is. there's the song you were waiting for.

your savior has arrived, and it is in a horrible form. it rises from the tomb in an unholy abomination. you fall to your knees.

"wake up."

i can't. i'm trapped here. i can feel every single one of my vertebra. i'm crying.

and then beethoven and britney make a duet.

"hit me baby one more time" runs along iconic dashing violin.

you start to hear it, and then it's there even more.

the hall of the mountain king, slowly building, the suspense enough to bring you to the edge of your seat. weezer's lyrics are pronounced like an oracle's prophecy, sardonic and yet grim, delivered with its iconic "say it ain't so" almost ironic.

then the crescendo hits, and the singing feels like it's declaring your fate. it rocks you, and never lets you still.

...and then there is the dial-up. you're staring at neil's face, and you realise the title itself has a secret. the starred letters spelled out "nice modem."

the screeching dial-up sound, and then nothing. you're sitting in the silence, with this quiet revelation.

he's carried you through the greatest adventure of your life, and then left you in the nothingness, tearing away a world that could only be imagined in the dreams of a 90s kid raised on the internet.

it's heartbreaking, but it mends every single tear of that vital organ. it's alright. neil's got you. this is his gift, this is his message.

he shares this dream with us, because it's the only piece of hope we can hold onto. someone else's dream, forged on childhood memories and ambition, woven together with years of experience until it culminates into an hour-long album of cultural mashup and musical blasphemy.

it brings tears to my eyes, and then wipes them off. it wants you to feel, it wants you to bleed, and then it wants you to heal. rejoice, says mouth dreams. rejoice. rejoice in what the world has given you.

you're going to be alright.

definitely, like, a solid 9/10. pretty good album. i think my favorite track was either brithoven or superkiller, tell me what yours was in the replies!

i can see new colors.

#neil cicierega #frankie muses #mouth dreams #it was...an experience.

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jamiebluewind · 4 years

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Character Descriptions for Fantasy High 2.9!

***

As always, let me know if I need to edit or add anything and tag/ask/PM me about art and stories so I can check them out!

Warning: trauma, abuse, mental abuse, neglect, starvation, manipulation, memory loss mention, dark themes, isolation, imprisonment, fantasy racism, vomit mention (please let me know if I missed any)

All pronounciations typed out have a rolled R.

***

Facts

The party is currently at 44,100 exp. each. Next level is at 48,000 (which will probably take 3 more big battles, 2 if Brennan is super generous with RP awards).

Abernant family had all their land and wealth reclaimed by The Court of Stars for their treachery and failure to prevent a war with Solace. Elianwyn committed treason and betrayal as well.

To save Adaine, the group decided to break up into 3 teams: Pylon 1 (Ragh, Tracker, Cathilda, and Sandra Lynn), Pylon 2 (Gorgug, Fabian, and Riz), and Recovery (Ayda, Fig, and Kristen). Team 1 and 2 would simultaneously take out the pylons. Then, the recovery team would go in (invisible and/or disguised) and gets Adaine and Aelwyn. They would all meet back at Van where they would most likely use Ayda's teleport to leave Fallinel (or regroup to plan their next move).

***

New Characters

Tell-ah-mine Low-men-el-da

Fabian's grandpapa

Tall elf with regal green robes, a silver circlet, long platinum white blond hair with a widows peak, and shimmering blue eyes

Crinkle in the corners of his eyes shows his age in sort of an Elrond way. He look of a dude in his late 40s/early 50s who took excellent care of his body and kept it tight

Moves with supernatural grace

Can turn into silver sand and float away

Has no concept of what time means

Obsessed with the fact that his grandson will die before him (Your human blood has brought mortality to this family. You will one day die.)

Offers to send word to an elf who is a fabled eye smith who lives on the high mountains at the heart of Fallinel that can craft a working eye (from songs, whispers, beams of moonlight, jeweled edges of the blue of the sea, and shimmering poems pulled from the ether itself) for Fabian, but has no clue how long it will take (a moment, a year, or a hundred years).

Can't pronounce words in common very well, especially words he's never heard before (which delights Fabian and pisses off Gorgug)

Calls Fabian Aramais Seacaster fa-bee-ahn ah-rye-ah-my-ess Seacaster (which might actually be the proper pronouncations of his name in that region as "Seacaster" was said correctly and that's how all the other elves say his name as well) and calls Hallariel ha-lair-ee-el

Weeps without moving his face, but also sometimes makes a soft eeehhhh sound when he cries (at one point he cried over a drop of water)

Gifted stewardship of Khy-low Meh-new-rah 3000 years ago after he crafted The Sword of the North Star (he was the smith of fung-dran-ghoor) for the ancient king of Fallinel Th-wrist-win Eversong.

"Without the Elven Oracle, we are lost."

Saw the Abernants as power hungry and cruel and can't understand why they would leave Fallinel. He found Anguin in particular to be a crass and small man with no nobility, only a thirst for power.

Thinks Riz has a harsh energy, is "a little dick", and calls him "a strange green mouse thing"

Got physically ill when a gun was explained to him, calling it gross and some dwarven kind of thing before vomiting which he turns into a flock of white crows

Vhan-lair-ee-el

Fabian's aunt

Tried to heal Fabian's pneumonia with elvan singing

Said "I have failed" when her singing doesn't work before she fades into starlight and vanishes

Hal-door-in and [unnamed youth]

Elven teens in white linen shorts arguing because [unnamed] believes Hal-door-in took his lute.

Calmed by a distant song which stopped their fight.

Faf-threth-riel

Lithe elven youth (around 17 or 18 years old) with a blond mop of hair covering one eye

Bakes elven whey bread

Lived a sheltered life

Ragh was the first half-orc he met

Mostly into Ragh due to Ragh being half orc, excessively talking about his green skin (like the boughs of a tree leafy, my leafy man), being big and beefy (your legs are like the mighty trunks of trees), was really into rage (like when Ragh punched a seat cushion) to the point of it making Ragh uncomfortable

Sang in bed

Treth-thren-ren

Elven youth who does morning dance yoga

Tried to get Fabian to eat a grape

Oak Warriors

Elemental plant based automaton soldiers made of pure magic

Look like 8 foot tall green men with leaves coming from their faces

***

Changes to Established Characters

Aelwyn

Matted long blond hair

Dry skin, chapped colorless lips, and thick bags under her eyes

Severely dehydrated and trance deprived (probably hasn't been allowed to trance for nearly a year)

5 points of exhaustion. Only magic is keeping her from going to the 6th level and dying.

Her "room" is a large large beautiful elven chamber with silver and marble. Ambiant light glows from the white stone.

Trapped inside a 15 foot diameter orb that's constantly turning so she can't trance

Crawling on hands and knees while trapped, shaking with the effort

Doesn't give Adaine up to Kear

Can still remember how to cast the message cantrip

Feels strange and addled (unable to think clearly; confused), can't remember what's real or imagined anymore, doesn't clearly remember what happened in her past (including what she did to get imprisoned), and forgets what she and Adaine have already talked about (causing a lot of reputation).

Thinks her parents "tried their best they could" and that "they expected quite a lot of us, but isn't that what- doesn't that... didn't that make us great?" (possibly due to something her father said or did since her imprisonment as it echoes a few things he's said)

Gilear

Looks scruffy (from not shaving), dirty, and has pit stains

Somehow didn't mess up being diplomatic with Fabian's grandpapa

Unbuttons the top button on his shirt when he "lets loose"

To Fig about Sandra Lynn and Garthy: Are you aware of such... hanky panky?

Learning of Sandra Lynn's infidelity with Garthy "Honestly? Perhaps this is... fucked up. It makes me feel... like there wasn't something uniquely wrong with me. Maybe a tiny little w for Gilear."

Spent the night walking through the forest with Hallariel's father, reciting poetry (badly)

To Fabian after Hallariel's father threw up "You're low and he's low. It's Gilear's day baby! It's Gilear's day."

Tried to ask Hallariel's father for her hand, but even though Fig gave him bardic inspiration and Riz helped by covering Fabian's mouth, he failed... so much. ("Lord Tell-ah-mine of Khy-low Meh-new-rah I like you am-" *makes himself throw up* "We get it. We both get it. We... We're the throw up boys." *passes out*)

Ayda

Hid in the van the entire visit

Might have rejection sensitive dysphoria (which is common in those with autism or ADHD)

Did a sending spell to Zelda for Gorgug for 150 gold (after reminding him that she very much does not like anyone in her debt or visa versa)

Offered to exact vengeance on Zelda for Gorgug

Is powerful enough to know teleport and learn plane shift (so level 13 or higher)

Stated that Adaine is her best friend and decides that since Fig is also Adaine's best friend, by the transitive property she is best friends with Fig as well (and Fig agreed). Learning this, she says "Fantastic. I grow richer by the day. I'm emotional." before starting to cry fire "I'm emotional. I'm gonna fly away." She then flew away, returning after she had calmed down.

Ragh

Ate grapes and started burping musical notes after he left Khy-low Meh-new-rah.

Lost his virginity to Faf-threth-riel who then got creepy and kinda racist, making Ragh very uncomfortable (and want to get out of there asap)

Fabian

Lost both points of exhaustion thanks to the 8000 thread count elven sheets (did they get to keep the sheets or at least one sheet for help with exhaustion?)

Felt really good when he tried out dance yoga, even wondering if he should be some kind of yoga dancer instead of a fighter (how about a whirling dervish dancer like Cathilda?)

The grapes he put in his pocket (after refusing to eat them) turned into song

Indifferent towards saving Aelwyn and doesn't want to be on the retrieval team

When he started feeling anxious about the Aelwyn stuff, Riz told him to lose himself in dancing again to feel free (Riz: You are the only one that I wanna see dancing right now.) It made him feel much better.

***

Other Characters

Adaine

Taken by Court of Stars

Her jacket and spellbook were taken

Trapped in an orb which is soft and doesn't hurt her, but the constant movement of its slow turning doesn't allow her to be still or trance

The walls of her room glow with runes and there are many perminant magical effects, making her captors capable of some crazy things (like prepared directional counter spells), but the setup wouldn't counter cantrips

Escaped the orb with dispel magic (dc 15) which makes a couple counter spells go off and an alarm sound

Hid in Aelwyn's room. The sister's spoke before she was recaptured and placed back in her orb. Adaine told Aelwyn that she was going to get her out

Discovered that her room was close enough to Aelwyn to talk to her via the message cantrip

Repeatedly cast Ray of Frost to turn her orb into a slip and slide to stay entertained

Instead of speaking to her father in elvish, she responded in common. Also cast Tasha's Hideous Laughter on him.

Anguin and Kear said she would be executed for treason for staying in Solace and refusing to cooperate. She demanded a lawyer and then the Ambassador to Solace, citing her age and being a student at Augefort Adventuring Academy which summoned a recorded hologram of Arthur Augefort.

Arthur Augefort

Has a recorded hologram that is activated when a student claims the need of his diplomatic help in foreign affairs.

It threatens the listeners with graphic and terrifying violence and doom, giving them the options of either rectify the actions that summoned him (Yes) or refuse and welcome the aforementioned punishment for their actions (No).

Gorgug

Fabian's grandfather called him Jhor-judge

Finally got a message to Zelda via Ayda using her sending spell (Zelda. Safe in Fallinel. Gonna finish cell tower soon. Sorry about everything, but hope your break is going well in spite of this. Miss you.) and got a reply the next morning a little while after waking up (Sorry. Was at a party. You don't have to build a cell tower. That's crazy. It's all whatever Gorgug. I don't blame you.)

Didn't sleep well, but still got the benefit of a full night's sleep due to elven sheets.

Kristen

Got in a fight with Tracker and then got 3 nat 1s on persuasion checks when she tried to make up with her.

Slept in Adaine's room

Doesn't know how to make a cell tower

Took one of the 40 to 50 foot long diaphanous silk scarves with her

Gave (inspiring?) speech ending with "Friendship is thinker than water and we need water to live." which gave everyone 11 temp hit points

Accidentally called Pok a "smiling elf" and then blew it off as being due to her being human

Can now see Shadow Cat in the picture (along with Tracker, Sandra Lynn, Garthy, Riz, and Sklonda and possibly the dead cambian, Pok, Jace, and Adaine's mom) and reacted by saying "Was I spooning the cat all night in the milk!?"

Sandra Lynn

Dropped out senior year and got her diploma after the fact to join an adventuring party

Joined as a replacement member for an existing adventuring party that was already active in the world and included an older much more powerful married couple.

Fresh out of high school, fell in love with one person from the couple (nonbinary or gender intentionally hidden) who "did not treat her very kindly"

When it all came out, she was ejected from the adventuring party, her romantic partner took great pains to smear her name (so no one would accept her), no other party would take her as a replacement, and she was forced to become a Celesian Ranger

Gilear knows who the couple were, but doesn't want to tell Fig (could she know the people involved?)

Key-heir/Khear

Child-like elven maiden with long brown braided hair, a white gown, and a large staff.

When confronted by Arthur Augefort's hologram, she chose to not heed his warnings.

***

More from 2.9!

***

#fantasy high #dimension 20 #d20 character descriptions #d20 descriptions #fantasy high live #descriptions #tw dark themes #tw imprisonment #tw isolation #tw abuse #tw neglect #tw mental abuse #tw manipulation #tw starvation #tw fantasy racism #tw vomit mention #fantasy high spoilers

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xaphrin · 5 years

Text

Gotham

Part Three

It seemed like Gotham was always rainy. Even in the dead of summer, when there was nothing but the oppressive heat of blacktop and reflections of glass buildings, it was somehow still raining. Raven pulled herself under an overhang to a swanky apartment building, watching as people rushed by without umbrellas, uncaring about the weather. Somewhere in the distance there was a rumble of thunder and Raven’s head hung down as a splatter dripped down her neck from the overhead. Shivering, she watched as Dick finally found his key and pushed his way inside, motioning Raven to follow.

“Sorry! Babs usually buzzes me in, so I couldn’t find the key right away.” He looked a little sheepish. “Are you at least a little dry?”

“Sort of?” Raven adjusted her bad across her shoulder, wringing rain from her hair as she looked up into his face. “Why is it always raining here?”

“Ambiance.” Dick grinned at her, shrugging off his thin jacket to rest it on her wet shoulders. It was such a casual move, but something about it made her stomach clench and flutter. The cotton was soft and warm, and it smelled of him. The tension on her shoulders relaxed and she finally let herself look around the lobby. It was decorated in white and neutral tones, and soft music was piped in as if they were at some kind of expensive store.

Raven looked up at Dick and knitted her eyebrows together. “What are we doing here? You’ve been kind of cryptic about this trip away from the team.”

“Yeah… sorry. I just didn’t want them to think I was just running away from things at the tower to go hang out with a bunch of cute girls. Besides, if Vic found out I know who I know, he’d never let me live it down until he got to meet her too.” Dick laughed, but there was a little a sheepish, little smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “You’re gonna meet Babs.” He went to the elevator and pushed the button for a floor close to the top.

His expression turned serious for a moment, and Dick shifted, uncertain if he should continue or not. “She… she had a similar experience to yours, a few years ago. She lost what she thought made her important to the team and the family, and she felt frustrated and empty for a long time too.” Dick sighed and looked up at floor numbers ticking off over the door. “But… she found a way to thrive, and found her own path. She does recon, and research, and runs ops on a lot of the family’s… ah… bigger missions. And honestly, I probably trust her more than I trust my own family at this point.”

Raven lifted an eyebrow.

“I’d put my life in her hands without question.”

“Oh.”

The elevator doors dinged over and Dick pulled Raven inside, tangling his fingers with hers in such a casual touch that Raven barely realized it wasn’t something they normally did. This didn’t hold hands. They barely touched at all. She glanced up at him from beneath her lashes and examined his face for a moment, taking in the way he looked with damp hair clinging to his forehead and a giddy smile plastered against his mouth. Raven’s heart skipped a beat and she looked forward, hoping she didn’t look as ridiculous as she felt. Honestly. Human emotions were the absolute worst.

His hand tightened just a little, as if he was trying to comfort her, and they rode the whole way up holding hands. After a few moments Raven wasn’t sure if she was supposed to pull away or not, so she just… enjoyed it. She liked the feeling of his calluses rubbing against her palm, or the heat from his touch. It was almost soothing, and the fears that were building in her chest seemed to dissipate as long as he was touching her. For a little bit, she felt as though no matter what happened, Dick was here to support her and help her heal, and she couldn’t ask for a better feeling.

“Come on!” The doors slid open, and Dick pulled her along to an apartment at the end of the hallway and knocked. He practically bounced on the balls of his feet like a kid, waiting for a response from inside.

“Come in!”

Dick opened the door and pulled Raven inside. “Hey, we’re here, Babs!”

“I’m in the office. Come on in!”

Raven followed Dick through the neatly decorated apartment to a room tucked in the back corner, and Raven quickly realized that office was a bit of an understatement. Central Command was probably the better term. There was a wall of servers neatly stacked against the wall, and then another wall of monitors opposite of them. The windows were covered with blackout curtains, but a window appeared to be open somewhere so that the sounds of the city filtered in. Raven was so caught up in all of the things going on in the room, she didn’t even see Babs approach her.

“You must be Raven. Dick wouldn’t shut his trap about you.”

Raven jerked out of her wonder and looked down at an adorable redhead in a wheelchair. Babs grinned up at her, cocking her head to the side, curious.

“I’m Barbara Gordon.”

“Oracle.” Dick grinned like he was the proudest best friend in the world, and motioned to her. “Only one of the smartest people ever. Brilliant, funny, talented-”

“Oh my god, shut up. Just stop.” Babs buried her face in her hands and shook her head, trying to fight back laughter. “Are you my friend or my hype-man?”

“Both, obviously.”

It took a moment, but Babs’ title hit Raven like a slap, and she blinked, suddenly feeling a bit starstruck. Oracle. The Oracle. Holy hades. No wonder he was keeping this from Vic. Vic would never let Dick live it down if he found out.

Babs rolled her eyes, but there was a playful smile on her lips. “Go be useful and make us some coffee, and stop being annoying. You’re embarrassing yourself.” She turned back to Raven, her expression soft. “Let’s go hang out in the living room, I’ve been dying to meet you. Honestly, every time Dick calls he won’t stop talking about you.”

Raven flushed and glanced away, rubbing at the back of her neck. She didn’t exactly know what that meant, but knew well enough not to dwell on it.

“All good things, so don’t worry.” Babs smiled and watched raven from over the rim of her glasses. She looked like she knew a secret Raven didn’t, but she didn’t want to share it yet. Instead, Babs just motioned for Raven to follow and moved for the door.

Raven paused as she saw a photo nailed next to the door frame, and she stared at a newspaper clipping of Robin, Batman, and… Batgirl? Raven looked down at Babs, her mind a whirlwind of thoughts. “You knew Batgirl? Do you know what happened to her?”

Babs smile turned sad for a moment, and she lifted a hand to adjust her glasses again. It was then that Raven saw the scars over the back of her arms, old shiny things that looked like they had taken years to heal. Oh. Oh. Oh gods, she was such an idiot. Suddenly it all made sense, why Dick brought her here, why he was introducing her to Babs, and Raven pulled her hand to her chest, uncertain of what she should say. She looked around the room, desperately trying to think of something that wouldn’t make her feel like she’d royally screwed up.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t-”

“It’s a secret identity for a reason, Raven. Of course you’re not supposed to know.” Babs moved her chair around to look up at the clipping with an almost wistful smile, like she was remembering thoughts and memories from a long time ago. “I thought I did a pretty good job at being a superhero, but… I think I do a better job at being Oracle. Keeping my friends and family safe is the most important part of running ops. So… I guess that’s lesson number one?”

Raven blinked, confused. “Lesson number one?”

“Sure.” Babs looked back at her. “Dick said you were here to learn how to run ops.” She chewed on her lower lip and looked up at the ceiling, thinking. “I’m not sure how good of a teacher I am, I’ve never had a student before, but I promise to do whatever I can to help you learn. So… think of this as a two week intensive boot camp for tech.”

Raven blinked. “You’re going to teach me to do… what you do?”

“Sure!” Babs moved out the door and Raven followed, feeling a bit like a newborn foal stumbling on its shaky legs. “Dick said that after what happened to you, you felt like you didn’t know what to do with yourself, and that you weren’t a part of the team anymore. And while I know that’s so not true, I also know how it feels - feeling like you don’t have a specific job anymore. You want to find purpose on the team, and I can’t fault you for that. If anything, I probably understand it better than most.”

“So, you’re… you’re going to teach me to do… this?” Raven motioned to the office behind her, watching as Babs face lit up. “To help my friends.”

“Yep!” Babs leaned forward and grinned. “Thank Dick for his persistence and wearing me down. Besides, I think I like the idea of Oracles all over the world, keeping our friends safe. Seems like a nice touch. You’ll be Oracle 2.0, the Jump City initiative.”

Raven blinked, feeling her heart skip beats and rise into her throat, beating wildly. Dick… understood? He understood what she needed? Raven felt her shoulders fall and she looked over at Dick, standing in the kitchen. He paused at the kitchen sink and gave her a lopsided, almost cautious smile, his eyes lighting up. Raven wanted to wrap her arms around him and thank him more than she had ever thanked him before. Even if it seemed stupid, or silly, the idea that he listened to her, that he tried to give her options, that he was trying his best to help even when Raven felt like no one could help her… it seemed to make everything feel a little bit better.

“Oh my god, you two can stop making doe eyes at each other any time now.” Babs stuck her tongue out, but she was biting back her own laughter. “I’m still here.”

Dick looked away and pretended to be more interested in the coffee pot, and Raven glanced out the window, clearing her throat. She shifted, adjusting to the sudden weight in the room, and set herself down on the sofa, embarrassed. That was… no. Dick was just being a good friend, he didn’t really feel that way about her. They were just… just friends, and he was just trying to help her come back to the team. That was it, and she needed to stop looking for things that weren’t really there.

Still laughing, Babs came up beside her and looked Raven in the eyes, setting her eyes into a thin line. “Alright, Raven… I’m going to need to know what kind of techie I’m working with.”

Raven blinked, uncertain. “I know how to turn a computer on and do a Google search?”

She didn’t think is was possible for Babs to look any more disappointed.

#robrae #robraeweek2019 #robrae week 2019

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words-writ-in-starlight · 6 years

Note

Fic ask: something funny but also sad with Lucretia + the thb and dramatic irony?

Here’s the thing about the Starblaster.

Do inanimate objects survive the reset? Sure. There seems to be a sliding scale of animate or possibly sentient that has some kind of impact on what does and does not make it through the escape from the Hunger, but they could stuff the ship with gold and jewels until they were all sleeping on a king’s ransom, and it would all be fine.

(They don’t do that.)

(Taako tries, though.)

On the other hand, there’s only so much shit they can fit into the ship. Davenport has this talk with the rest of the crew after Taako tries the king’s ransom, and ultimately they settle on only bringing a few things on board each cycle, and using their best judgement (read: Davenport’s best judgement) about what is and isn’t valuable. It’s the first time they really see Lucretia fired up, because Taako goes “well I mean we’re gonna have a whole cargo hold full of notebooks if Luce keeps having me make her new ones, we could get rid of some of those” and Lucretia gasps and goes “you wouldn’t dare.”

(”Those are our records, Taako,” Barry says, almost as scandalized as Lucretia. “This is still a scientific mission.”)

(Barry drank hydrochloric acid at the end of the last cycle, just to see what it was like. He stands by this decision because “I wrote it down and that makes it science.” He and Lucretia do not realize it yet, but this is about to be the foundation of their friendship.)

So the point here is that birthdays get a little complicated. They keep track, because all of them find something hilarious about celebrating Magnus’ twenty-second birthday for the third, fifteenth, twenty-ninth time. They also keep track because Merle wondered absently aloud if they would forget their original home, if this kept going, if they would forget their families and their lives and even their birthdays, the holidays they had loved. They don’t do Candlenights gifts, but they celebrate every year, and they always, always remember birthdays.

(This is not true. There is a year where birthdays and holidays and all their trappings are utterly forgotten. This is how Lucretia knows the importance of having holidays, in the Bureau. But they haven’t seen that year yet.)

But they can’t bring too much onto the ship. One or two items per gift-giving opportunity, but hell, everyone else has to do something too, right? Sometimes they all go in on gifts together–they buy Magnus a spelled battleaxe that makes it through a whopping twelve cycles before he loses it into a pillar of the Hunger–but more usually they give services or events or the chance to burn down a DMV. This can go really well. Other times this can go really badly.

It’s Lucretia’s birthday, see. Her twenty-fifth twenty-fifth birthday, and they think it’s hilarious, and they’re on some tiny rock of a planet with nothing available to make a good gift. Taako transmutes her a new stack of beautiful notebooks, and Lup gives her a firework show, and Davenport gives her flying lessons, and Merle gives her a flower crown with a rueful smile, and Barry pours her a glass of something that tastes almost exactly like her favorite scotch from home.

(”What’s it made of?”)

(”Science.” He drinks his entire shot and gives the glass a look, like he’s waiting to see what happens. “Seriously, though, you probably don’t want to know.”)

(Lucretia considers, and then she drinks her shot and holds out her glass for a refill.)

And then Magnus comes forward, grinning, and hands her a tiny slip of paper. Whatever Barry’s been cooking up in that flask, it’s strong enough to mug someone in a back alley and shake them down for all their life savings in the process, which is to say that by the time Magnus brings her his gift, Lucretia is Pretty Darn Drunk.

“Here,” Magnus says with the look of someone who is just dying to see her reaction. “Happy Birthday, Luce.”

She looks down at the paper with suspicion and–listen. Lucretia isn’t a diviner or an oracle or any of a dozen other things that might let her see the future, but when she’s drunk she has a knack for pretty fucking dope insight rolls, and this is her insight of the day.

This is going to be a thing.

The paper is nice cardstock, with a curling design drawn around the edges, and the letters are big blocky things in bright colors. The last word ran out of space and the -ides is as thick as the M, but Lucretia’s a writer, she knows how it goes, she gets it, sometimes you get cocky and run out of room.

The letters say This coupon good for: ONE FREE BACKRUB!!! Courtesy of Magnus Burnsides.

“Magnus,” Lucretia says a little blurrily, because she’s too drunk for this, and then she has another shot because she’s not really drunk enough for this, you feel her. She looks him dead in the eye, because he went to all this trouble so she might as well give him the full experience as she holds up the coupon and says, very evenly. “Magnus? This is it, Magnus. This is the nightmare scenario.”

Magnus roars with laughter and steals the whole fucking flask out of Barry’s hands to toast Lucretia.

(Years and worlds and lifetimes later, Madame Director rubs a piece of cardstock between her fingers and looks at the lettering until a little boy’s voice interrupts, catching her off-guard.)

(”Madame Director? What are you looking at?”)

(”Nothing,” the Director says, and palms the paper as she looks back to the Stone of Farspeech in Angus’ hands. “How are the Reclaimers doing?”)

#taz #the adventure zone #taz fic #lucretia #magnus burnsides #starlight writes stuff #i know this is basically just magnus and lucretia with some surprise barry rather than all three thb #but i'm very tired and depressed and this is all i've got in me at the moment #i got up and started dealing with my phone not charging at nine this morning and shit's pretty much gone downhill since then #but i think this came out okay #i am very fucking serious about this by the way #no one has ever been more serious about this than me #i know other people have already done this but still #idiot teenagers with a queue #anonymous #asked and answered #taz balance

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secretagentspydetectiveninja · 6 years

Text

The Misadventures of Prince Kim - chapter 65

All you new followers I know perfectly well you’re all Kim fans, just like me. Anyway, if you have like 17 years of free time, here is 247,000+ words of a royalty AU Kim being a Kimbecile (though it’s nearly finished, I swear, and it’s way stupider than it sounds)

Also on AO3 so you can read it from the beginning, which would make so much more sense

Kim made sure not to be late for this year’s Peace Ball. He didn’t want any more servants challenging him to hopeless lacrosse matches this time round, and anyway, now that he was officially a part of the International Alliance, it would be best to make a good impression. He was welcomed into the hall with his name and title announced over the speakers, then left to fend for himself.

This time things did appear to be somewhat more relaxed. It seemed that the simple act of the ball taking place in Lahiffe was enough for all these upper status people to chill out a little, which was nice. There was much more laughter to be heard over the energetic music Prince Nino was playing from the corner, and far fewer judgemental looks aimed Kim’s way.

He found Max almost straightaway, right near the entrance of this giant hall itself.

“Kim!” Max rushed over, a huge smile on his face. “You look amazing!”

Kim was very tempted to pull Max into a close hug, as he often did, but held back. Technically he wasn’t officially out yet, and who knew what the rest of the International Alliance would think? Things were too precarious now to risk it.

“You look amazing too,” he said, putting on a smile. Max saw through it immediately.

“What’s wrong? Are you alright?”

Kim ran a hand through his hair, wondering how to put it – then quickly put his hand back down when he realized he would be ruining it after all his hours of hard work. “I’m just kinda nervous. There’s all these people here, leaders of the most powerful countries in the world, and I’m the newbie, so like… I mean, I’m not scared or anything, I’m just…”

He was scared, though. His childhood days of being totally fearless were over. The terrifying events of the past year had taught him that consequences existed, severe consequences, and he couldn’t afford to make one wrong move. His country was relying on him.

“And you know what Master Fu told me at the oracle session,” he continued. “The timelines are gonna split again, and in one I’ll be able to go home this summer but in the other I won’t. And timeline splits in the past have always been really bad! What if I accidentally cause a…”

“A war?” Max asked. He took hold of one of Kim’s hands and gave it a reassuring squeeze. “I don’t think you need to worry about that. There won’t be a war.”

“How do you know?”

“My oracle session, not this one, but the one last year. I asked if my country would go to war within the next 10 years and the answer was no. Considering that when one member of the International Alliance goes to war the rest will follow, it seems unlikely that you’ll cause anything. Otherwise my country would be dragged in too!”

So there wouldn’t be a war? Oh, thank goodness!

Kim squeezed Max’s hand in return, a genuine smile on his face now. “That’s a relief. Thanks, Max.”

“You’re very welcome. And anyway, no matter what happens, I’m here for you. All of us are.”

That was so cheesy and cute, Kim knew he was blushing. “You’re too good for me, honestly. But if there’s not gonna be a war, then what could cause the timeline split? Why wouldn’t I be able to go home? I mean, I guess maybe I could die or something, but–”

“Shhhhh, you’re not dying on my watch.”

“But you and Alix have had your turns, can’t I get to die a horrible death too? It’s not fair otherwise!”

Max chuckled. “Oh Kim… if anyone’s listening in on this conversation they’d probably think we’re nuts…”

That was a good point! Kim quickly looked around to check if anyone important was nearby, but all he saw was some foreign princess watching them, who choked on her drink and turned away blushing when she noticed that he’d caught her. No one important then.

“So anyway, back to death and despair,” he said. “Do you think I’ll die and cause a timeline split?”

“I have no idea, but I hope not. You’re in excellent health, you should be totally fine.”

That didn’t mean that some tragic accident couldn’t befall him, or that he couldn’t just suddenly get ill, like last year when he’d caught the flu during the pandemic. But seeing Max’s unhappy face, Kim dropped the topic.

“Where’s Markov?” he asked. “I know he doesn’t even count as royalty or nobility or anything like that so he probably wasn’t even invited, but…”

“Oh, he is invited!” Max said, smile back on his face. “He’s considered a guest of honour and part of the royal family of Kanté.”

“Really? That’s awesome! Where is he?”

Max shrugged. “Somewhere in here, I think. He told me he didn’t want to get in the way when I ask you to dance with me.”

Kim’s heart leapt up. “You’re gonna dance with me?”

“Yes, of course, just like last year except better. Nino’s got something planned. Come on!”

Still holding his hand, Max pulled Kim along behind him towards the dancefloor, where many of Nino’s kid relatives were goofing around in a way that reminded Kim of how he and Marinette used to be when they were little. Oh, how he missed those carefree days…!

The next thing he saw, an adorable little puppy was barking away and running across the room, leading to excited gasps from most of the onlookers. The puppy ran up to the DJ table and leapt into Nino’s arms. Nino laughed and ruffled the little dog’s fur, planting a kiss on its head.

Nino’s family had a pet dog? Huh, Kim had never known that. There seemed to be a lot about Nino that no one knew.

Close enough now, Max waved at Nino, who winked back and pressed a button on his soundboard. Within a few seconds the current song had faded out and something very familiar was playing over the speakers instead…

The jive from the party in January!

Without even saying anything, Kim pulled Max into the very centre of the dancefloor and continued right from where they’d left off almost a year ago, the sound of Max’s laughter washing away any fear he had. This was so much fun – why couldn’t all royal events be more like this? The Lahiffe Kingdom really had the right idea!

Within a few minutes they were not the only ones. Queen Sol herself had turned up to join in, bending down to dance with one of Nino’s adorable tiny cousins, and soon many more of the guests made their way over to join the fun. It seemed that plenty of International Alliance members were nowhere near as stuck-up as they seemed. What a relief, maybe they’d think well of Kim after all…

While all that was going on, Alix had found her way to a deserted corner of the room with Markov whizzing along behind her to keep an eye on her.

“You don’t need to babysit me,” she said to him, leaning against one of the pillars that was secluding this area. “I already get enough of that from Jalil. So please tell me you’re just here to chat.”

“Not quite,” Markov said, his eyes flicking down to the bottle in her hand. “I don’t think you should drink that.”

“Well why not? I’m 18 now, I’m allowed!” Just to spite him, she took a big swig from the bottle – only to start coughing. Ew, this stuff was like rotten grape juice mixed with bleach! Worse than anything else she’d ever had, and that was saying something.

Markov’s fans whirred louder for a second, as if he was sighing. “First of all, it is considered an acquired taste. Second, though you may be 18, you are very small in size and therefore you will be affected much faster and more heavily. Third, it is unwise of you to drink unsupervised, especially considering how reckless you can be even without any ethanol in you. Fourth, you’re supposed to pour it in a glass and drink it!”

While he had been speaking, Alix had braced herself and drank more of this stuff. At first it was searing, burning her throat like acid. But after a few sips it wasn’t so bad. In fact, it was sort of nice, like molten lava running down her gut.

“I can drink it how I want,” she snapped. “Other royalty events and stuff only ever have soft drinks, so this might be my only chance to see what it feels like. Bless the Lahiffe Kingdom for being so chill.” With that, she took another few sips. It was making her feel all warm inside, the ends of her fingers tingling slightly. No wonder people liked this stuff.

“You should slow down at least,” Markov suggested. “I would hate to be responsible for you throwing up in front of everyone…”

Oh, he was right about that. She sat down on the ground and put the bottle down beside her. The snake was feeling strangely heavy on her shoulders, so she put it down on the ground too.

“That’s better.” Markov floated down to her level. “Did you have water? Anything to eat?”

She poked that little face of his, giggling slightly. “You do sound like Jalil. Maybe it’s a nerd thing – all nerds are squares who sound exactly the same. Did Max programme you to be a nerd on purpose? Uh wait… what did you ask again? I wasn’t listening.”

Markov shook his head. “It is already affecting you. That makes sense, considering your height.”

“’Scuse me? Me being short doesn’t mean anything, thank you very much!” She grabbed the bottle and stood up again just to be able to look down on him, though her feet seemed to have a bit of a mind of her own.

“If you drink much more then you’ll have a headache tomorrow,” Markov said.

“Pfffff, hangovers aren’t real. That’s just a movie thing, isn’t it?”

“No, they are real.”

“Whatever. I don’t care. And how do you know so much about all this, anyway? Robots can’t drink!” She took another swig from the bottle, her hands going slightly numb at the ends now.

“It’s called research,” Markov said, “and perhaps you should do some too at some point so that next time you can drink more responsibly.”

“Markov, dude, there won’t be a next time. This is probably the only chance ever, or at least in a long time and – wait is this an earthquake? No, it’s just me… okay never mind…”

Alright, she was getting a little dizzy now. She grabbed Markov out of the air to stabilize herself and didn’t realize that it hadn’t worked until she found herself sitting on the floor again. Without thinking she raised the bottle to her lips again, only for Markov to wrench himself out of her grasp and take it away from her. She tried to snatch it back, but somehow he was moving too fast – how was he doing that?

“I think you have had enough,” he said. “You should probably leave it there for now unless you want to be unable to even walk back to your room later.”

The thought of trying to walk and tripping all over the place was inexplicably hilarious to her, and she was giggling over it before she knew it. Even funnier was the thought that a robot, of all things, was giving her a lecture on responsible drinking. “Maybe you’ll have to carry me! I’m small, right? Can you carry me?”

Markov giggled a little too. “Of course I can’t carry you! You may be small, but I am much smaller.”

“Yeah, true. I guess I gotta get someone else then, like Kim. Good thing he didn’t drink any of the stuff ‘cause he’s way stupider than me. Or did he drink any? What’s he even doing? Snogging Max, probably. Or would he do that here? I don’t know. How I am now is how he’s like all the time, so maybe he’s doing something stupid like always.”

“I believe he is dancing with Max.”

“Good, I hope they’re happy. I was the one who got them together. Did you know that? I’m the best. They’re both idiots.”

“You are using ‘idiots’ as a term of endearment, right?”

Those words took far longer than usual to process in Alix’s brain. “Yeah, yeah, I insult them all the time. They’re my friends so I’m allowed.”

For some reason it was getting harder to make herself pronounce words properly. She tried to reach for the bottle again but Markov slapped her hand away. Weirdly enough, it barely even hurt. Did this count as being drunk? Because in that case, it was awesome.

“Will you keep being friends with them when school is finished?” Markov asked.

“Yeah, duh,” she replied. “Max lives like a tiny plane ride away and we were already friends before, I can hang out with him whenever I want. And Kim… wait…”

A terrible thought occurred to her. She tried to get to her feet but her limbs simply weren’t responding, so she clumsily grabbed Markov out of the air again and held him right up near her face to hear her properly.

“His oracle sesh… shhs… thing! This summer, either he’ll go back home, or some bad thing will happen to him, and we don’t know which! And both suck, ‘cause I don’t want bad things happening to my friend, but if he goes home it’s so far away and I won’t see him for so long!”

It was getting more and more impossible to visualize a world map in her head, but the kingdom of Lê Chiến was all the way on another continent, and there were definitely no airports there. If Kim went back, he’d probably stay there for literal years.

“But you will be able to speak to him by telephone,” Markov said, the little propellers on his head spinning around in a way that made Alix’s head hurt.

“Only if they fix the tele… those cable things which Agreste broke. And that’s not the point! He’s… him… friend…”

Being drunk was suddenly starting to feel a lot less awesome. Letting go of Markov, she lurched over and grabbed the bottle, only to put it back down when the taste started to sicken her. Maybe she had drank it too fast after all.

“He is your friend and so you don’t want him to leave for a long time,” Markov said. “It will make you unhappy. That makes sense.”

She nodded, hugging her knees to her chest and resting her spinning head on them. “I never had close friends before. Not like him. And no one will think I care that much ‘cause I’m not Max…”

“Are you crying?”

“N-no!” She gave him a shove. Was it the drink that made her all emotional? This was really starting to suck. “I’ll miss him, okay? Is that bad? I don’t want him to leave me… Is that shellfish? Am I shell… no… sh… shhh…”

Markov was laughing at her, and she was overcome by the strange urge to hit him. Her arm was already up in the air before she stopped herself – why would she hit a robot? That was mean. And selfish. There, she could say the word in her head. So why not out loud?

“Stop laughing, you know what I mean!” She settled for giving the stupid robot another shove, though her coordination was so off that she almost missed. “I should just let him go home and not be sad. But no one else is that fun, you’re all killjoys! There’s no one else like him. He’s stupid and reckless and crazy and the best and oh my god I love him and why am I saying all this?!”

Markov had those upturned arch eyes, looking smug as ever. “You drank too much so your inhibitions are lowered. You are speaking what’s on your mind.”

“What? No!” That had been way too cheesy, no one could find out! She tried to grab Markov but missed. “No I was just… ignore all that! I was joking, I… I really don’t care…”

.-.. .. .- .-. the snake tapped out on the ground beside her.

“Oh shut up! I… look, don’t tell anyone what I said… one time he had a cold and I was saying all the mushy stuff to him ‘cause I thought he’d forget but he didn’t, and he’s already full of himshelf… sh… show-off… and I don’t want people thinking I’m all sh… shhh… oh fuck alcohol, I’m never drinking again, I can’t shay anything…”

Markov had been quietly chuckling away, but now stopped and looked at her with bigger eyes than usual. “Alix, are you a tsundere?”

Did he… did he just…?

“Markov,” she said, “are you a frickin’ weeb?”

“Um… Max introduced me to anime, and I do rather like it a lot, and I did a lot of research about it too. The tsundere seems to be a common archetype. Defensively hiding one’s sweet nature with aggression.”

Alix couldn’t even focus on what he was saying. The thought of Markov watching anime was just too ridiculous for her to wrap her head around. A robot, who watched anime. It was just bizarre!

“C’mere, you lil weeaboo.” She finally managed to grab him and pulled him into a cuddle. “You… you… yandere.”

“That is a highly inaccurate term when applied to me. Do you even know what that means?”

“No. Yes. It means you kill people.”

“Well, sort of.” He wriggled out of her grasp and landed on the ground just beside her sceptre – she didn’t even remember having put it on the ground. “I doubt you’ll remember much of this in the morning. May I see Pharaoh Rania again?”

“Hololologram? Whyyyyy?”

“I’m… studying her.”

His voice seemed to have gone all wispy and weird again, though it was hard to tell right now. Was he hiding something? Whatever. Alix flipped open the lid of the sceptre for Markov to have a look at. He went right up close, his dotted eyes growing larger and larger. Seriously, what was he studying? How to make holograms or something?

In any case, Alix was far too dizzy and tired to keep her eyes open much longer. Should she take a nap? Right here, in the hall where the Peace Ball was being held?

Yeah, it was fine. The snake would wake her up if she needed to do anything. Closing her eyes, she let herself doze off.

Over in the Bourgeois Empire, Chloé and Sabrina were standing in the room just behind the royal balcony, waiting for the emperor to show up to give his annual Yuletide speech to the common people. Of course, peering out of the window, it appeared that many of these common people were carrying flaming pitchforks, so perhaps it wasn’t a good idea this year.

Sabrina was shaking slightly. “Chloé, this is just like how it was back home before… you know…”

Before the Raincomprix civil war started. Chloé had been expecting it, really. She had been sitting in on her father’s meetings whenever possible, trying to change things as much as she could, but no one paid any attention to her! She was just some little schoolgirl to all the corrupt advisors running the empire. And it was very, very obvious that the commoners were not going to take this for much longer.

Why did her father need to take so much money from them, anyway? What was he using all that money for? Upgrading those solid gold bathtubs, probably. Sumptuous feasts. Lavish clothes. Things that commoners could never afford, and for no reason other than the fact that he could.

But what about food production? What about infrastructure, education, amenities? All the things Chloé had learnt how to handle at school? It seemed that her father had learnt no such lessons, as he paid no attention to the real issues that needed to be addressed. The common people of this empire were dying! They were starving, discontent, angry! And it was his fault!

If someone else didn’t step in soon, surely Bourgeois would go the same way as Raincomprix did.

“I’m going to go find him,” Chloé muttered, the grumbling from outside getting alarmingly loud. “He ought to have been here 10 minutes ago. You stay here, Sabrina.”

Sabrina nodded. Chloé walked out of the room as quick as her heavy, restrictive skirt would let her.

Her father would be in his office, right? She hurried over there to see that there were no guards around. What was up with that? She knocked on the door.

“Father? Are you in there? The people are waiting for your speech!”

The door opened and her father, wearing a thick coat, quickly pulled her inside and shut it again. “Chloé, good timing! The peasants will not accept my speech this year, you know it. We would be better off going into hiding. I’ve just finished packing all the emergency supplies, and arrangements have been made for us to safely get to Lavillant – I was just about to send someone to fetch you, in fact. Come on. Let’s go.”

He picked up a bag in the corner of the room and opened the bookcase to reveal a hidden passage behind it. Chloé was too shocked to even do anything for a few seconds. He wanted to go into hiding? Now?? Really??!

“What are you waiting for?” the emperor asked, gesturing to the passage. “Time to get going!”

She put her hands on her hips. “I am not going into hiding.”

“Are you worried? Fear not, I’ve been keeping aside plenty of money from the treasury for this very purpose. We will be very well-off. Better than we would be here, in this unsafe empire. It’s falling apart.”

And whose fault was that?

“No!” Chloé snapped, to her father’s surprise. “You don’t understand, do you? The commoners need a leader! That’s what they’ve been wanting this whole time! They need someone to fix the empire, which you broke, by the way.”

“Now, young lady–”

“Don’t you ‘young lady’ me! I would make a much better ruler than you ever did! We were one of the largest, richest empires in the world, and you’ve ruined all that! Made the commoners so unhappy they’re on the brink of revolting and harvesting our heads at the guillotine!”

Her father, eyes wide in shock, put a hand up to his neck. “That’s why we need to leave, now.”

“No, that’s why you need to leave now. I’m staying here.”

He was silent for several seconds, before finally managing to respond. “Chloé, if you stay… you’re just a child, you don’t know how to rule… you’ll die!”

How pathetic – how unbelievably, ridiculously pathetic. No wonder her mother had left him.

“You’re a coward,” she spat. “Running away when the empire needs you most. You know what? I’ll be empress instead. I’ll take full control of the mess you’ve left, I’ll leave school, and I’ll fix this.”

“You can’t be empress! You don’t know what you’re doing!”

“Oh really? Says the man who has cost so many people their lives thanks to his mismanagement! This isn’t just about me. This is about millions of people who need help. And if you’re not going to help them, then I bloody well will. Now hand over your crown.”

He hesitantly took the crown off his head, but did not yet give it to her. “Chloé, please… I implore you… think this through…”

“I have thought it through. I’ve been trying to make a difference for a long time now, and me being empress is the only way anyone will let me. So give me the crown! I order you to!”

She held out her hand. Shaking, he slowly stepped forwards and placed the crown on her outstretched palm.

“Very good.”

She swiped the wig off her head, then put the crown over her natural hair. While it had always looked too small for her father, it was a perfect fit for her.

“Thank you, father. You are no longer emperor, and we have no need for your services. Now get out of here before I throw you to the commoners waiting for you just outside.”

He nodded and ran to the opening of the passage again. Then he paused, turned back, and quickly rushed over to hug his daughter one last time. Chloé tried very hard not to cry. It had been ever so long since her father had last hugged her, and it was a shame that such dire circumstances were the only thing that could drive him to do it.

Then he was gone for good.

Immediately, Chloé sank to her knees, the layers of her dress folding beneath her – oh, she was empress, she was empress. Was this real?

This was such a huge burden she had just put on herself. An empire in shambles, with a court full of schemers, and angry commoners wanting her blood. A situation like this was nigh-unfixable.

But she had to fix it. Someone had to do it, and this was her chance. She had to be strong!

And plus, she was not in this alone. She had Sabrina with her right here. She had her friends at school – oh of course, she would have to leave school. Running an empire was going to be a full-time job from now on, and anyway, there hadn’t been that long left.

There was the International Alliance too…

They hated the Bourgeois Empire. Not as much as they hated Agreste, of course, but they hated it all the same. But now that it needed aid, would they accept an aid request from somewhere so vile? Surely they would? The people here were suffering, and Chloé simply could not do this alone!

There was no time for freaking out over her predicament. The commoners were waiting for a speech. She cleared her throat, smoothed out her dress, then went back to the balcony room.

“Chloé? Is that your dad’s crown? What the–”

“I’ll explain in the speech,” Chloé whispered to Sabrina as she walked past. The guards in the room all stared at her in confusion, but considering she had the crown on her head, they did not do anything else and simply watched as she made her way out onto the balcony, to the surprise of the commoners down below her.

She hadn’t even prepared for this. Of course she knew how to make speeches, but this was one that would surely be important. The difference between saving the empire and dooming it. Could she do it? She at least had to try.

“People of Bourgeois,” she said into the megaphone placed before her, magnifying her voice across the hordes of people below. She tried to ignore the weapons in their hands, or the way the guards were pushing back against the ones at the front. “I know you were expecting a speech from my father. However, he is no longer the emperor. He has fled the palace. I am your leader now.”

There were gasps from all over. Chloé wondered if people were going to start revolting immediately, but for now they waited, wanting to see what kind of empress she would be first.

“I wish to make it clear that I am not usurping. My father knew he was doing a terrible job of ruling the empire. I knew it too. I sat in on countless meetings and tried to make my voice heard. But the emperor’s word is law, and so he has been allowed to take away your money, your food, your safety. All for his own selfish gain. And now he has fled, like the coward he is, and tried to take me with him. I refused. This empire is in shambles and someone needs to fix it, someone who can learn from all the mistakes he made. That someone is me, his daughter: Empress Chloé of Bourgeois.”

There was a silence. No one stirred, no one made any move to do anything. It seemed that the whole crowd was holding its breath. Chloé hands were shaking, so she balled them into fists to steady herself. No one must be allowed to see her terror. She had to show her citizens that she was strong, unlike her father.

“I do not know how quickly I will be able to enact changes in the way the empire is run. Most of the people in my employment were loyal to my father, so they may not agree with the path I am treading. But I promise you I will do everything in my power to do what is right. The most urgent matter at the moment is the shortage of food. My father was hoarding money in the treasury; I will redistribute that money to make sure there is enough food for everyone.”

The commoners were still silent, but many of them were starting to lower their weapons. It gave Chloé the courage she needed to continue. The next thing she wanted to say would be the hardest, but it had to be done.

“I am also temporarily cutting ties with the Agreste Empire, and rescinding the warrant for Imperial Prince Adrien. The funding that has been put into guards searching for him is money that would be better used elsewhere, such as food, infrastructure, or education. While Agreste and Bourgeois were never officially allied, my father took many bribes from them and I need that corrupt influence away from my court.”

Phew, she had said it. The guards and courtiers in the room behind her would be listening, and hopefully getting on with it as she was speaking. The sooner Adrien could safely return to school, the better.

“I will also be sending out aid requests to the International Alliance, as my father has ruined the empire far too much for us to handle alone. There are millions of people who need help, so we require all the assistance we can get. Hopefully this can get the empire back on our feet enough that the quality of life can improve for everyone, and not just the nobility.”

Most of the commoners had put down their weapons now, and many of them were… smiling?

“I will be leaving school from now on to stay here permanently to make my role as empress easier. Within time, once things are more stable, I will open up an elected council system so that citizens from all over the empire can have their voices heard and have a say in making decisions. I hope that you all will be happy with my decisions and support my reign. Well… what do you say?”

She put on a stately smile, leaning over the balcony railing. For a few seconds the commoners were still silent. But then began the chanting.

“Long live Empress Chloé! Long live Empress Chloé!”

They were pumping their fists in the air, jumping up and down, within a short amount of time becoming so loud and cheerful that Chloé could barely even hear herself think. Her smile grew – for now, at least, she had placated the commoners. If they were going to rebel, it was not going to be today. They were going to give her a chance.

Oh, thank goodness! She had done what her father couldn’t. Maybe things were going to turn out okay.

#TIME TO TAKE OVER THE EMPIRE #royalty au #miraculous ladybug #le chien kim #max kante #markov #alix kubdel #chloe bourgeois #random stuff #aish writes #the misadventures of prince kim

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