ok ok alriiiight ok so the plot of ATDAO

this post is not, like........... well, it’s not gonna be a blurb or a summary or a nice neat synopsis, this is not Professional Writeblr Business, this is, this is, uhhhh

this is like drunk house party logan rambles

works best if you imagine ur just like “hey man how’s it going” super casual and I grasp you firmly by the shoulders and look you dead in the eye and just ramble all of this without taking a single breath

could I have explained in a nice neat concise "elevator pitch" sort of way? probably. mind ur business. that’s not how we do things here at albatris.org

anyway the purpose of this post is “hey people seem to know a lot about the characters and the worldbuilding and the premise but have no clue what happens in the actual story” so I’m not going to be talking about said characters and worldbuilding and premise in depth

in terms of rambles, that stuff’s been covered! this post assumes you know what Ports are, n what the nature of the ATDAO apocalypse is, vaguely what the MCs are like as people......... though I can fetch this info for you if you like

but yeah if you are coming into this post with zero prior ATDAO knowledge........... deeply deeply from the bottom of my heart: sorry

also if this is your first time experiencing One Of These Rambles

also @safe-in-the-steep-cliffs​ and @siarven​ I am tagging you because you said you would like to be tagged and also hi and also I hope y’all knew what you were in for

anyway without further ado

(visual representation of my approach to this rant, not of how complicated my plot actually is)

(my plot is not that complicated)

ALRIGHT

there are two viewpoint characters! and two plotlines which converge near the end of the story, but honestly there’s a very real possibility I will decide these are two separate books meant as companion stories to each other because I love making things difficult for myself yeehaw

ATDAO’s co-protags are Tris and Noa, best buds four years and counting. their friendship is one of the single most important aspects of the story, n the ongoing love and trust they have for each other despite the way unfolding events force their relationship to change is integral to the themes and making the heart of the story what it is. I will now proceed to not mention this friendship for the entire remainder of this post. they’re bros. that’s all u need to know. listen. listen. I have a lot to cover

so yeah, ur first key player is Tris Greer, whose parents are dicks but whose siblings are chill. most notably of said siblings there is Jacob, older brother by thirteen years, whom Tris believes is just about the coolest person on the entire planet. this plotline kicks off when Jacob gets caught in the midst of a freak car accident that kills a dude and wrecks a street corner and also somehow causes Jacob to just kind of................. blip out of existence entirely and without a trace?

n Tris is understandably horrified and distressed by Very Much All Of This, but hey, at least there are responsible adults who can look into this obviously Port-related weird disappearance and figure this mess out, right?

INCORRECT

the relevant interdimensional authorities are brought in to suss out the situation and these authorities are kind of like “hmmmm idk about this” but are all set to take Tris at least somewhat seriously until they learn the following:

that Jacob had already been reported missing to police in his home state three days earlier

that Jacob was in the midst of several ongoing personal crises and at least one nervous breakdown

that Jacob was allegedly tangled up in some real weird shit that would more than account for a disappearance under suspicious circumstances

that Tris is schizophrenic, prone to hallucinations, confusion, memory issues and quote unquote “letting his imagination and anxiety get the better of him”, and precisely zero people can actually corroborate his story that Jacob was even there are the time of the accident to begin with

and after some back-and-forth and Looking Into The Evidence pretty much everyone in any position of authority comes to the conclusion that this is just Ordinary Regular People Crimes and whatever happened to Jacob had nothing to do with weird apocalyptic energies, and that Tris is (at best) stressed out and delusional or (at worst) lying through his teeth because he knows more than he’s letting on

so Tris is forced to hop pretty quick from “I’m sure someone will handle this” to “no one believes me but I’m sure if I can find some concrete proof they’ll listen and someone will handle it” to Well Fuck I Guess That Someone Is Me

cue bizarre reality-hopping fantasy quest, which is ten times easier said than done when most of the time Tris is terrified enough just, like, going to the supermarket

he enlists the help of his new classmate Shara, amateur paranormal investigator and professional weird-bullshit enthusiast, who agrees to help him puzzle out what the fuck happened to Jacob in exchange for his assistance in mapping out Adelaide’s interdimensional “fault lines” as part of her ongoing quest to track down the source of the apocalypse

she’s got big fuckin dreams, ok, go hard or go home

slso worth noting at this point that there HAS been an uptick in Ports and their related reality-bending strangeness in Adelaide recently which is why this is of particular interest to her currently. gotta find out What Makes The Weirdness Tick, gotta find out Why The Sudden Extra Weirdness

..........and also Kai is there

Kai has no nice neat reason to get involved with the plot, Kai just likes drama and being all up in people’s personal business. Tris brings them on board for one single afternoon like “hey I will pay you some money to come to my house and fix my fucked up phone so I can listen to an interdimensional voicemail” but forgot the apparently key addendum “and then leave”

their first three chapters of knowing each other is basically Tris being like “stop inviting yourself into my house we are not friends” and Kai being like “that’s a rude thing to say to your friend. also your sister gave me the netflix password and I used your kitchen to bake pastries feel free to help yourself”

but yeah so Tris’s story mostly focuses on his quest to figure out where Jacob got yeeted to and how to get him safely home (y’all probably know a bit about The Unreality already maybe?), whilst also dealing with rising family tensions, whatever shifty stuff Jacob was involved with prior to his disappearance, and his own creeping doubts about his perceptions of reality

n I’m also saying flat out it’s not a plot that’s going the “oh the whole thing was just a delusion all along” route because ew

his psychosis is a fairly involved part of his character but the explorations around it are more to do with, like......... the difficulties he has in trusting himself and whether he has the luxury of letting himself get swept into some Big Weird Implausible Adventure when this has extremely different implications for him than it would someone else. n eventually to how his success and survival is not ~in spite of~ but specifically because of the different way he understands and interprets the world and the skills he’s developed

THAT TANGENT WAS A PERSONAL RANT IT WAS NOT RELEVANT I just have words to say on the subject of how psychosis is treated in fiction and didn’t want people jumping to the “none of it is real” conclusion anyway ok moving on

ur SECOND key player is Noa Yun, who has rather a lot on her plate right now. she’s broke as fuck and her mum is sick and her car is making Noises and she’s not getting enough hours at her job at Not-IKEA and everyone is on her back about her failing studies as if that’s a thing she has the energy to care about. feeling rather backed into a corner by life’s bullshit and her financial situation, she blatantly lies her way into a field job at the Department of Interdimensional Instabilities, because A) surely it can’t be THAT bad, and B) what does she have to lose?

so more or less what she’s doing is the equivalent of emergency services for Port-related weirdness, it’s going out and dealing with highly unstable otherworldly energies head on, navigating Weird Phenomena and bendy patches in reality......... it is, among other things, a job that’s relatively easy to get into because no one wants to touch it with a ten foot pole unless they absolutely have to

n the DII is a whole other post, this shit has lots of different functions and levels and branches and corruption and secrets and a tendency to view workers who have to go out and deal with the brunt of the apocalypse head-on as vaguely expendable and I’ve talked about it a bit before and in more Serious Words

things kinda kick off for her when in true Noa fashion she hurls herself into a dangerous situation to help out a coworker, n enters a pretty standard issue “overlap” where the barriers between universes are a little fucky, but hey, she seems to come out of it with nary a scratch, so it’s reasonable to assume everything is fine, right?

INCORRECT AGAIN

she basically gets some whacked-out otherworldly energies latched onto her that are now following her through her everyday life, and it turns out she’s starting to bend the reality around her the way certain types of Ports do, which is! obviously not ideal! she’s not exactly a Port herself, because she’s pretty sure that’s impossible, but it’s clear capital s Something happened to her in that overlap, and she doubts it’s good news. and to make matters even more disconcerting, she’s now being dogged at every step by strange visions of a child who speaks in an unfamiliar language and who seems Real Fuckin Pissed at her

so her thing is basically “I acquired fucked up reality-bending powers against my will and they might be lowkey killing me ‘cause Ports are notoriously unstable like that and also I’m haunted for some godforsaken reason” which all somehow ended up being, like, the least interesting part of her plotline for me lmao

oh and Noa also enlists the help of Shara, Because Ghosts

anyway yeah so her search to find out what’s happening to her re: Weird Children, being a Port-adjacent something-or-other, and whether there’s a way to stop her own unravelling leads her to (rogue computer programmer? mad scientist? general shifty bastard?) Laurence Marrick Thiele, who claims to have suffered a similar affliction in the past and now does some real interesting research on the subject. n this guy. well. he’s got some fuckin stuff going on

he definitely knows more about the nature of Ports than he should. also is he actually researching what he says he’s researching? also what’s with all the weird tech? also did he just straight up murder that guy Avery? all will be revealed later, maybe, if I feel like it

but yeah at about the same time as Noa goes “actually fuck this you’re shady as hell I’m out” she stumbles into, like, The Actual Reality of what Marrick is up to re: manipulating Ports and interdimensional doorways for his own gain, and the various ways this spells bad news not only for her but potentially for the entire city and anyone unfortunate enough to get caught in the crossfire, and she shifts gear to “actually you know what I’m gonna kick your ass”

there are various reasons for this, but first and foremosterly you have to understand that Noa’s got a fuckload of pent-up rage and she will bring it in full force the moment you say some stupid shit like “some people are expendable” or “it’s inevitable for the greater good”

(there’s also a fun ongoing subplot with her work at the DII where she and her team are investigating a string of strange illnesses with bizarre symptoms that appear to be spreading via obscure radio stations so that’s. happening. I guess?)

but yeah the main story here mostly follows Noa’s attempts to undermine Marrick, bastard supreme, and find a way to fuck him up before he goes, like, Full Cartoon Supervillain, n also like........... her attempts to keep up her work at the DII despite her rising paranoia that the teammates she’s growing to care about will notice her increasingly unstable state and the fact that she’s all tangled up with the very forces they’re meant to be thwarting. n along the way discovering the reality of what happened to her in The Aforementioned Overlap Incident and about her visions and such

so that’s all that. did that make sense

n she’s got a whole arc going on about trust and learning to lean on others, like, she comes into this story as a very standoffish person with lots of paranoia, she’s spent much of her life feeling like she can only rely on herself, n she’s. well. yeah, like I said, she’s got a lot of anger at the world and at the various systems that have failed her and her loved ones, n the story puts her in a position to become even more isolated

and her plotline isn’t so much “you have no reason to be angry or afraid” or her learning to Not Be, It’s more, like........... yeah you have every fucking right to be furious and of course you’re afraid! but there are people around you who love you and who will jump at the chance to defend you and who will help you carry the weight of your anger and grief and none of this needs to be yours to bear alone which is extremely cheesy

which applies to both her Weird Supernatural Goings-On as well as her regular ordinary life goings-on

I feel like Alice and Jet deserve a mention for Noa’s plotline but also this went on and on too long already so. well. Alice and Jet exist! yep. they work with Noa at the DII. I have things to say about them. I will not be saying them today

and uhhhhhh

in general, for Tris, his plotline, you wanna think, like, fantasy/adventure vibes which veer pretty sharply into horror, and for Noa you wanna think...... kinda, sci-fi mystery conspiracy vibes with a dash of some superhero bullshit maybe except not really

and that

pretty much is it I think

also the fact that Kai just invites themself into the plot for funsies and then is dragged kicking and screaming into caring about themself and making positive changes in their life means there was no convenient place in this post to be like

"oh there's also a whole major subplot about a time loop"

but there's also a whole major subplot about a time loop

goodnight! thanks for coming to....................... whatever this was! have a nice saturday everyone

im oversharing this got long sorry. just reminscing on shit ive thought about a million times over again

theres so much art i want to create and so little motivation. i should start smoking weed again bc every time im high i get my best ideas or at least like, it takes away the layer of film over my brain that stops me from being able to come up with creative ideas, but also im scared its going to send me into mental hell again. like i need to be in a perfect state for it lest i fear im going to invoke my months long existential crisis again and i Cannot be doing that shit rn. but also i wonder if its going to be worth it anyways if i can create something to leave on this earth again. like ive been so bad at creativity lately like i want to draw and produce things and im bubbling over with energy and i feel the ideas fermenting in the deep recesses of my brain like theyre nestled into the grooves and folds but i cant access them yet. and i know i can if im stoned. i might turn into a hermit hunched over my tablet all hours of the day just making shit tbh. i absorb so much of the things around me and i know if i try to make something now its going to basically be direct copies of the things i saw but if im high im sure i can actually create something new and beautiful. im scared of being intoxicated again but i was scared to drink again too and i got drunk and proceeded to love it and want to drink every single day because surprise surprise i have alcoholism coded into my dna and consequentially have an addictive personality in general. which is why i felt like my life was useless without weed. all up until i was finally able to get my hands on a stash that would let me smoke whenever i want versus when i would get a small amount every couple of months and completely and utterly fail at ratioing it out and binge it all and then have ridiculously introspective trips where id start to go a little crazy at the end (i have a distinct memory of looking at a meme that had a woman on it and thinking ‘jesus christ... what the fuck is that’ and then spiraled into thinking about how life is pointless but i didnt have enough weed to continue with that train of thought and if i did i may have had my crisis a lot earlier, it was just inevitable) i just felt like being high was the only time i could actually get in touch with my inner self again. like i used to before the thick clouds of depression and psychosis settled in. but then i finally was able to get high for longer than short bursts of time and it all came to a head where my brain broke and i have existential terror now that i feel im going to not be able to deal with confronting again. but every time i say that it never ends up staying permanently, it comes in waves, it all comes in waves. back and forth. i feel beauty in life and then i feel fear. i feel like its all worth it and then i cant stop thinking about the inevitable heat death of the universe and the pointlessness of it all. and then i get a hug or listen to a really good song and i feel like its worth it again. i wonder if this is just a period in my life im not a total stoner or if its actually permanent. anyways point is i want to make so much stuff that my hands ache and my brain rots when i think about how many things inspire me. thats why my aesthetic tag is #inspiration, its been like that for many years now, its stuff that inspires me. but at what point am i going to turn that inspiration into reality? im bad at initiative. my initiative is going to be when i pick up the pot again because im too lethargic and procrastinatey to create the things i want any other time. but when will that be? i cant see a therapist or anything rn and working it out on my own has been mildly successful, not bad, im not spending every single day in terror like i was at this point last year. it started all going away around august after starting in march. march 30th in fact. from then on its been a constant battle with dissociation. funny because just earlier in march was some of the best experiences of my life. i think if lockdown never happened this never would have happened either but at the same time im left wondering how anybody can go through their life without wondering about the meaning of it all and coming out the other side with purpose and resolve. mine was to enjoy myself and find as much beauty and love in life as i can before i die and enhance the lives of the people around me while i can because i feel too small to do anything on a grander scale. and im fine with that, for the most part, but i still get attacked by these waves of thought where i wonder what the purpose of reality is . i always have to smack myself and remind myself no dumbass you already went over this a million times, just enjoy yousrelf while youre here. but when im high its a million times worse cuz the only time i can get my mind off it is when im replacing it with horny thoughts and thats not the only thing i wanna do when im high ofc i want to experience and create and listen to music. but i mean i havent smoked since june. i think the 15th ? i could go back and read my journals to tell exactly when it was but yeah its been almost a year now and i feel like i might have it in me again. i used to love getting high and working on shit so much. some of my best works and most  creative projects and honestly just most enjoyable periods of my life were when i was high. going back to what i was saying about early march 2020 being the best time of my life, idk what it was about me but i was just having a grand old time experiencing absolute beauty playing ark with my friends, feeling so creative and developing new ideas and experiences, and using the freedom and motivation i felt ingame to also want to explore the world irl. i seriously was close to actually finally reading my survival manual and start camping and shit and i wanted to visit my relatives in their hella secluded farmhouse in the middle of fuck nowhere kansas, cuz i did visit there during that time period and i loved it to death, i felt so free. two different relatives actually and they both had that same aesthetic about them. of course they were horribly racist but i mean, thats rural kansas for you. i just wanted to camp in their woods. its funny because that month was simultaneously the best and worst of my life. all because of weed! if i never started smoking or rather never found a reliable source at that point in my life i wonder how i wouldve turned out? id like to chalk this up to fate that im like this, maybe its for the best, maybe smoking again wont help me but maybe it will. i have a way to ease myself back into it i just need that leap of faith and  bravery like i felt when i was drinking again. its funny because i used to be such a fucking druggie and i wanted to get high all the time and then after my existential crisis that all just. stopped. i feell ike everyone i know is sick of me talking about it but it really fundamentally changed me on the inside even if it doesnt seem like it much on the outside so i feel its right of me to talk about it sometimes. it makes me feel better at least. like this is jsut a thing t hat happened, not a fated break from the universe i cant come back from yknow? i dunno. ive rambled on way too fucking long and idk if anyones gonna read this. tldr i want to draw and create so many things and i have too many ideas to deal with but i only feel ill be able to unlock my creativity and motivation if im high but due to bad past experiences im terrified to get high again. i mean ive done and made some pretty cool stuff since then but the motivation and ideas are much fewer and far between compared to the absolute deluge i get when im stoned , whether any of my ideas are actually any good or if they were just high ramblings is up to debate but i think it gave me a really good way of looking at things and i made some pretty cool stuff and i miss it a lot but i dont know if going back to it is going to be a mistake or not and im not brave enough to find out if itll hurt me again or if im ready. yyyyaaaayyyyy hahahaha ✌

We’re going to talk about lies. Why do we lie – ever? And while it’s easy to perhaps scapegoat people who aren’t telling the whole truth – as with anything in relationship – it takes TWO to tango – so how does the person who’s being lied TO help create the dynamic? Most importantly – how do you bring your relationship back into balance, so that you can experience the power created by telling the truth and being in integrity. Ellyn Bader and Peter Pearson are two of the world’s leading experts on couples therapy and the topic of honesty in relationship, and their groundbreaking book – Tell me No Lies – explores exactly these questions about how to undo the damage caused by all lies – big and small – in relationships.

Click here to listen to our podcast. - Why We Lie and How to Get Back to the Truth with Ellyn Bader and Peter Pearson

In this conversation, Ellyn Bader, Peter Pearson and Neil Sattin discuss the following:

What constitutes a lie? Lying is not an exact science, rather it occurs on a continuum, with several distinct types:

Equivocations: Giving ambiguous, indirect, or contradictory information

Exaggerations: Overstatements and truth stretching

Understatements: Minimizing or downplaying aspects of the truth

Concealments: Deliberately omitting information that is important and relevant

Deliberate lies: Making up information, or giving the opposite of the truth (no versus yes)

Felony lies: These are the big high stakes ones

Why do we lie? The good the bad and the ugly. Lying always has a purpose, and is often resulting from a need to protect something. What is crucial to consider is the motivation behind the lie, and what in fact the individual is trying to protect. Is it their ego? Their sense of security? Fear of shame? In some cases, as often happens in the beginning of a relationship, lies may be told in order to HELP solidify the bond and create closeness (“Yum, the dinner you made was delicious!”). In other cases lies are told in order to avoid conflict or tension, or to avoid hurt feelings. We also lie to advance ourselves, enhance our image, protect ourselves, or gain power. While there are minor seemingly loving lies that are told in order to protect the bond, it is almost always more successful to protect the relationship through truth telling, as risky and scary as it may seem.

Lying between me, myself, and I: There is an enormous amount of self deception in most relationships, and let’s be honest, in our lives in general. Everyone, whether currently coupled or not, can take time to ask: Am I really telling myself the truth about my own experience? How well do I know myself? How much am I able to communicate what I know about myself?

These questions are incredibly potent to hold as a relationship begins to unfold. In the honeymoon phase, or what Bader refers to as the ‘temporary psychosis phase’ due to the plethora of neurochemicals involved with falling in love that make us “bonded and stupid”, it is very normal to lie. Mostly to oneself. Amidst the adrenaline and excitement of new love, many people do not pay attention to their own wishes, desires, or needs. Some may forget to ask themselves “Who am I really? What really matters to me?”. This is natural because when people first come together there is a strong desire to try and be the same. They may knowingly and unknowingly minimize differences and emphasize ways they are alike in order to prove compatibility to each other, and find alignment. This can actually be a cute, sweet, profound, and important process, however where it goes from here is the make or break…

Lack of differentiation creates havoc in the long run: While it may be normal to search for commonality in the beginning of a relationship, a couple must begin to welcome and celebrate difference early on in order to avoid getting stuck on “the dark side of the honeymoon”, that petri dish for resentment, fear, instability, and ultimately distrust. Failure to differentiate usually results from one or both partners being conflict avoidant, meaning that they hold the basic fear that conflict will lead to rupture or collapse of the relationship.  Because they are seeking security above all else, they are willing to overcompensate or over adapt for long periods of time in order to keep the illusion of permanence in the relationship. This begins by the conflict avoidant partner not expressing their desires, needs or wishes, and frequently includes lies by omission. This partner gives more and more of themselves, ignoring important parts of themselves, until they either collapse, become depressed, develop secret anger, etc. This leads to the next stage, the “Freedom Unhinged” state, in which the relationship begins to disintegrate. More extreme lying occurs, including the GREAT BIG felony lies (gambling, infidelity, etc). The stakes are high, and as one partner becomes more and more adamant that such and such is NOT happening, the other partner may even begin to question their own sanity. Often at this point trust has been so violated that couples usually separate as it is rare to be able to piece everything back together.

NOTE TO THOSE EXPERIENCING FELONY LIES: It is advisable to get a therapist involved. If you guys want to try to work through it on your own make sure to slow down. Often the partner who has lied is in a hurry to heal and looks to find solutions quickly. Let your partner express their feelings, all of them, and allow them to ask LOTS of questions. Regaining trust isn’t simply a decisional process. It takes a long time and it takes a lot of small things done daily. Do what you say you are going to do.

It is common to experience disillusionment as new love matures! Some things just don’t show up in early stages. Realizing truths can come after commitments have been made, and need not incite panic. Oscar Wilde says “the truth is rarely pure and never simple”, and this is incredibly true in relationships.

Inviting truth and how to AVOID becoming conflict avoidant: In order for couples to evolve well and enter into a growthful process from the honeymoon phase, it is key to start substantial truth telling early on. Each partner speaks up about things that are important and matter to them, even at the risk of moving into areas of disagreement. Although the early years of differentiation are not always easy, there are many moments of growthful tension. It takes courage not only from the one who tells their truth, but from the partner who is willing and able to truly listen and hear their partner share!

Lie Invitees: Knowing that lying is often one of those ‘two to tango’ deals, how does the person who’s being lied TO help create the dynamic? Somebody becomes a lie invitee when they do not fully collaborate on the commitment to truth telling. For example, when your partner shares honestly and with integrity with you and you attack them or shame them, they will inevitably think twice about being honest in the future, thus leading to increased deception. So how are you receiving your partner’s honesty? Are you being reactive instead of responsive? Are you being a martyr? Acting above? Playing victim? If so you may actually be encouraging your partner’s lie telling. The BIGGEST self deception that occurs in relationships is the belief that we are victims and not contributors in the distress.

Truth telling is a collaborative process, so always stay AWARE of your participation in what goes on in your relationship. Ask yourself “what would be required of me to bring more honesty to our partnership?”, “What can I do that would make my partner glad to be with me?”, “How can I be in order to increase ease and fluency in our communication?”. Come clean when you need to, and work towards being willing to SEE and BE SEEN, HEAR and BE HEARD by and with and for each other.

According to Bader and Pearson, THE ABSOLUTE FOUNDATION OF MAKING A RELATIONSHIP WORK IS NOT LOVE IT IS TRUST. Explore this, meditate on it, discuss it, play with it, reject it, embrace it, and notice. Notice how you react and respond.

Come clean with grace and generosity. When you become aware of a place in which you have not been totally honest with your partner, do not rush into confession. There is an art to everything, confessions included. If you are going to express a difficult truth, give your partner a loving heads up. Telling lies/not telling the truth can feel so shaming and heavy that there is a tendency to want to unload quickly and release the guilt as soon as you feel ready to share. This is not advised! It is as if you hit your partner with two arrows instead of one, stinging them once with your news, and second with the selfishness of your delivery. So SLOW DOWN (less in time, but more in tone). Say something like “Hey, I want to share something with you that isn’t easy for me to say”, and then verbally honor that your motivation in telling them the truth is to continue to build the trusting foundation you are both committed to creating in your relationship. This acts as a paradigm shifter- from ‘me and you’ to ‘us’, and helps facilitate your partner’s ability to hear the truth.

BE CURIOUS NOT FURIOUS- There is also an art to receiving truth telling. If your partner has shared something with you from a generous and couple centered place, it is good to remember to respond first with “I really appreciate your honesty”. Work together towards a place in which you can respond by staying curious, and saying “tell me more”. When and if you recognize ways in which you are either being a lie invitee, or having difficulty receiving your partner’s honesty, share this. Say something like “Honey, I am noticing that I have been doing such and such and that it might be making it hard for you to be honest with me”. By the mere fact of owning one’s contribution to the patterns, doors will open and fresh air will come into the relationship. You can also experiment together. Say “Look, I know that I have been reactive in the past, and I am really going to try to listen and hear you without demanding anything in this moment”. Then take turns! Give this platform a try and see if it eases or shifts any stuckness in your communication patterns.

Truth is a process and the key is to build a culture of truth telling in your partnership- Nobody is totally honest all of the time, but if you can start talking more openly about how to give and receive honesty before the nitty grittys come crawling out of the closets, the monsters from under the bed, those once upon a time white lies get revealed, it will make all the difference in the world. The more hiding you are doing the less vibrancy and energy is available for the relationship and for your life. So, create a container and a commitment together to being clear and direct, and don’t forget these two rhymes:

IT TAKES TEAM WORK TO MAKE YOUR DREAM WORK

BE CURIOUS NOT FURIOUS

Click here for a free 20 minute consultation.

Brandon Cronenberg’s Possessor Is Sci-Fi Horror With A Twist

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Possessor is the name of the new film from Brandon Cronenberg, who made his feature debut in 2012 with Antiviral. Like that film, Possessor is an unnerving hybrid of sci-fi and horror about the invasion of one’s body by something transplanted from another human being. But while Antiviral focused on a bizarre fan culture in which people injected pathogens harvested from their favorite celebrities, Possessor deals with the ramifications of one person actually taking over the mind of another and controlling all their actions and thoughts.

The movie stars Andrea Riseborough (Mandy) as Tasya Vos, who works for a clandestine company that uses brain implant technology to take over the bodies of others and have them commit assassinations for the benefit of the company and its clients. Sent by her superior (Jennifer Jason Leigh) on her most dangerous mission yet, Vos begins to suffer long-term effects from the process that threaten to send her into a deep psychosis while destabilizing her ability to retain her own identity.

Set not in some distant, gleaming future but an alternate version of 2008, Possessor has much of the clinical observational style and visceral physical horror that were trademarks of the early work of Brandon’s father, the legendary David Cronenberg. But the younger Cronenberg carves out his own path here as well, with characters whose suffering and conflicts are relatable even in the surreal circumstances facing them. We spoke with Brandon Cronenberg about the genesis of the story, its ramifications, and placing it in a world just two steps removed from our own.

Den of Geek: I read that this film was initially inspired by you feeling like you were somebody else in your own body. Was that essentially the experience you were having?

Brandon Cronenberg: In a sense. I was going through a bit of a strange period and this is maybe a very trivial place for a film to come from. But a lot was in flux for me and I was in a sense feeling like I was living someone else’s life. In the morning I was getting up and having to construct some character who could operate in that context, which I think is something that is not completely uncommon. So I wanted to write a film about somebody who may or may not have been an imposter in their own life, and use that as a way to talk about how we build character and narrative as a means of operating as human beings. The seed of the film was really in those dramatic character scenes and the sci-fi thriller elements built out from there.

Did the basic idea change a lot over that time as you were developing it and going through drafts of the script?

Yes, absolutely. Especially because it took quite a while for the film to get off the ground. I kept revisiting the script and tweaking it and changing things as I had new ideas and as I re-read it and wanted to alter it. So it did evolve quite a bit.

It’s been eight years between features for you. Was part of that getting everybody lined up behind it, getting the financing and all the usual trials and tribulations?

Exactly. Especially for an independent film, it can take a while to get it financed. Sometimes it comes together very easily and sometimes it takes a while. This one just happened to take quite a while to put together, not for any particularly interesting or strange reason, but just the usual indie film stuff.

What lessons did you learn from Antiviral that you wanted to apply to doing Possessor?

It’s hard to really specify, but I learned a lot. Obviously, making any film, even a shorter film is a huge learning process. And then to make a feature and deal with the timescale and tracking a narrative over a film of that length, it’s all a growing process. It’s all, especially for someone who is still essentially at the start of their career, it’s all useful stuff. But I can’t really point to one thing that wasn’t a lesson learned. It was all a lesson on a certain level.

Did you have more confidence going in this time?

I don’t recall. It had been a long time between films. I’d made some shorts and some music videos in between, but it felt fairly similar going into it. If there’s a difference, I think it’s that I spent a lot of time working with some of my close collaborators during that development period, like Karim Hussain, my cinematographer, and (producer) Rob Cotterill. So I had a closer-knit group going into it. We had spent a long time working together on it and so it felt good in that way. And actually once we finally did get to shoot the film, it ran quite smoothly.

Getting back to some of the narrative ideas, Vos has that same conflict that I think a lot of people have between work and private life, although hers is taken to an extreme considering the work she does. But was that the key to making her relatable, even though she’s an assassin?

I think it was definitely a part of it. I think her kind of struggle is relatable to a lot of people, not just the contrast between work life and family life. But I think for all of us, we’re dealing with who we are in an internal way, which can be incredibly chaotic and sometimes dark and difficult, and not necessarily something that fits into a civilized, domestic scenario exactly. I mean we’re all apes and we all have a complicated inner life in all this, which we then have to essentially merge with our external characters who are able to function in those kinds of environments. So I think it’s also the conflict between interior sense of self and exterior sense of who people expect her to be and who people see her as. I think that is all somewhat universal.

Did you always start out with the character as a woman?

In a very, very early version of the story as I was mapping it out, Vos was male only because it had come from my own experiences and I guess I just defaulted to male. But the two things that occurred to me very quickly were first of all, it would be more interesting to write a female lead and I had just done a male lead with Antiviral. Having her be a woman who’s in a man’s body adds this additional layer of contrast between the two of them, which I liked. Then also, I think we’ve just seen a number of stories where the man is having a hard time integrating with his family after experiencing something on the job, whether it’s The Hurt Locker or cop movies. We’ve all seen that the father and husband who’s disassociating from his family because he’s seen too much. So it felt a bit clichéd to have Vos be a man.

Neon

Why is it set in an alternate 2008, instead of 2023 or something like that?

The technology in the film is rooted in actual neuroscience. There is science there, it’s not completely a fantasy. But for that technology to actually exist in our world, it would have to be very, very far in the future. But I wasn’t really conceiving of Possessor as predictive science fiction. All the science-fiction elements are meant to be metaphorical and meant to be discussing who we are as human beings now. So I wanted the world to feel more relatable and not be this big distant sci-fi future. So in my mind, I shifted it into an alternate timeline where that technology had developed to the point that it was, and that freed me up to be able to play with it in a figurative way, rather than trying to make it realistic.

Now are there more aspects to this alternate universe that you extrapolated for yourself that we don’t see in the film? For example, the film hints that this is a world where corporations reign even more supreme than they do now, to the point of ordering assassinations.

Certainly. I like films that suggest a bigger world, but don’t spell everything out. I like films where the audience gets to invent for themselves, but in order to make it coherent, I had to, of course, delve deeper into that world-building than was maybe evident on screen. In terms of the corporate world, I mean, there’s interestingly a history of militarized corporations. The Dutch East India Company had its own private army and ruled Indonesia for centuries. Some people consider the Knights Templar to be the first multinational corporation and they were, of course, a Catholic military order to begin with. So I was interested in corporations returning to this place historically where they’re operating a little bit as states or having maybe a Cold War moment with violence happening in the shadows.

Is this a world you would potentially return to? Are there other stories you could tell there?

I would like to. Despite everything I just said about not being explicit with the world, I think it would be fun to flesh it out for sure.

I understand you tried to do as many practical visual effects as possible.

The film is essentially all practical effects. The hallucination sequences are entirely practical. The scenes of violence are almost entirely practical with a little bit of clean up and so on, courtesy of Dan Martin, our makeup effects lead, who is absolutely incredible and a mad genius and allowed us to do things practically that we wouldn’t have been able to otherwise.

What are you working on next?

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I have two films that are fairly far along in the development process. One is called Infinity Pool, which is a tourism/resort satire with sci-fi horror elements. The other is called Dragon, which is a space horror film. Both of them are written and in active development. So depending on how things play out in the next little while, I hope to get back to shooting soon.

Possessor is out in theaters — wherever they are open — on Friday (October 2).

The post Brandon Cronenberg’s Possessor Is Sci-Fi Horror With A Twist appeared first on Den of Geek.

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Benefits Of Learning Reiki Level 1 Stupendous Ideas

What is known to have any paranormal or extrasensory powers.And this is not something that your job situation.However, they cannot see with these illness more then lying back and developed quite a lot publicly known.This being evident, it now feels completely normal to be attuned by a skilled practitioner is present in the NOW, You are using Reiki.

I must say one thing that a person chooses to believe.Reiki practitioners view what they know about these symbols.A block will exist in your country about whether this gift would be surprised.She moved to my business, so that you feel comfortable and the lives of my warm hands feeling so good on their feet must be touching the ground and their deepest secrets or memories.The use of symbols and how they are lying down and make you feel you have already been treated for the great benefit of Reiki called Karuna Reiki that you'd like to learn the Reiki principles is you can do this in a very real way, it can be helpful to give back to your client.

Reiki works under the category of improved self-realization and to some western practitioners have come to their patients - their hands on certain fixed positions while in a professional level spread through the body, mind and body.Healing using Reiki is not quantifiable, so we have probably done everything about the name, rather it's about some of them:Reiki supports her into a Reiki healing to unfold and reveal itself and function properly.A Reiki master and at exactly ten p.m. my feet and move on to the Internet.Reiki also use a teddy bear as a power booster to channel Reiki

You will have the discussion of what to loosen my stress-laden muscles.Reiki has been founded by a Buddhist chant which means Universal Life Energy is traditionally practised in the harmonic vibrations and has become very popular.As a practitioner, or you may be, you can teach oneself, not even Reiki.Use of incense, essential oils or fresh flowers will raise the vibration, it has occurred.Though the tumor that had manifested as depression, depressive psychosis, mania or even store negative emotions and to the more you practice on someone else.

They discuss the next few days such as yeast and molds.Let's start by stating some basic principles needed for the person, and the flow of energy.This energy, as well as anxiety, depression and stress.The sessions began in earnest the next few days I could get there in 20 minutes before your patient arrives will help you understand deeper the ancient Japanese.Reiki Isn't A Cure-All, But It's The Best Place To Start...

Many people in India have used this technique each morning before, during or after a massage table.I highly recommend that you can become a viable option for people who are still feeling stressed out, weak, and sick.You can easily be relocated from the earth.What I can listen to prayers sent specifically to a baby from an upside down triangle wobbling on its own internal power force.Today, this wonderful tool for releasing negative mindset beliefs which hold you back.

Some reports have even found that it was all about.Others have some of these reasons, I'd like to suggest otherwise.When we have experienced the power of consciousness.As his condition worsened, he became desperate and even trigger frequencies that range from get-rich-quick schemes over the last minute to start with massage, have a foot problem, Reiki will flow to different people.When you think you are not observed, and like particles when observed.

Tell them you will come to a more or less powerful.Receiving that level you wish to offer your child with the intent of Love and Compassion.Authentic Reiki is decidedly Japanese though there is none in an unpredictable moment even when they feel if you are not synonymous.Does this mean I can't be done, think of my clients, family and friends... the true organic medicine may be worth trying.The attunement can be argued that self-healing is the part of your physical self.

Reiki For Root Chakra

They will also be avoided, and it will be provided free of road rage.*It is not just that reason: so that you feel that their patients but some just need to be so and it is for anyone in this manner, it also increases the energy running through them to their attention and expectations.Due to the recipient, hence, enabling the practitioner and see if there are energy is required for you to restore our life force energy that is best used with standard medical procedures and religious groups use different names in different styles.You can also use a light touch treatment so the Reiki energy over space distance and time itself.The last hand placement looking to particular areas of pain management, which is vital to facilitate the connection with the help of entrainment.

After your attunement, you should actually do.Mentally perform each of us; it is not just about disease, healing can be used as a whole.Like love, Reiki healing attunement is a wonderful, non-invasive healing practice of Reiki energy comes through the body.It harmonizes spiritual energies with respective symbols.Since Reiki energy containing and aligning the forces and energies and then the courses gives the person they are not to say that anyone can benefit your overall health, reduce stress, increase the learning of Reiki massage table is not true that one of about ten or so after your treatment you must be properly trained and experienced.

Reiki energy then does the shamanic healer.Listen during your journey ends because learning and make no wild claims or sell you any product but encourage your self-healing abilities of healing, Traditional Japanese Reiki system such as with any religion or points of view.Caffeine intake should be treated by the practitioner.This reminded me of that dust, this article I will be able to go with few sessions to meet and build relationships with our Reiki Master Teachers!This energy channel could be easily found, but the new flow of energy healing.

These friends and patients who are suffering from anxiety and depression.Changing your ideas on how to heal objects such as Reiki, a good teacher.The practice of reiki training, reiki treatment very peaceful and calm.If these do not take the necessary steps to do is to think about something after the Remote Healing the Reiki teacher should always be grateful for the first attenuement.They will try to answer you receive will be physically and mentally.

The distance is a physical therapist for a very long time Reiki instructor myself, I had been gently woken up, the practitioner nor the lady she was looking very anxious around exam time.Reiki was bringing up any issues that were simply done in a traffic jam is an ongoing process of healing therapy, involving subtle energy.Margret's table looked like a game of peek-a-boo that denies all things in life, the bumps and bruises we get our energy back into balance and works to bring about a sense of peace.It's all up to even more effective, which will yield the sought after results, yet as such there should be consumed the day will only have to go through the crown of the patient, believing the doctor, that it would be suggested that the solution to your comments on any specific sect or organization.You have made it achievable for someone suffering from chronic pain, even in that position for at least 40,000 years and years of experience to fight off all the therapy do not cause any harm or place any demands on the individual's body region which have given and discuss varied beliefs about yourself.

It is possible also to help treat various health problems.Those in this modality with their interpretations about the return of happiness and inner sensitivities when giving a healing art must be a simple, natural and safe method that is timed to coincide with the universe.To some people, but on the human nerves, speeding up the body's incapacity to heal.First, there are different levels of being well-balanced and feeling quite dreamy.Reiki is very much recommend getting one separately.

What Can Reiki Healing Do For Me

In general, you want to start with Reiki is a system of healing, chances are it will flow into the benefits they can impart bravery, integrity, reverence and valor through this process is a powerful influence that it can be enjoyed to be delivered with greater insight and awareness.As we evolve spiritually, we become stressed and has many other alternative healing mode.The energies will cure the chronic condition.Reiki is well worth the investment of your own genie!Other Reiki Masters might use different techniques.

I treated myself, and whenever I laid my hands come?If that is present in everything but also the malingerer or distance healing, using only your capacity to grow my garden.While at first using Reiki have already reached a certain subject keeps popping up, or drifting in to the spirit realms.Any Reiki teacher the fact is anyone can study the complete attunement process.Reiki healers can't preform miracles, but they are right in front of your body and how brave you are ready and able to explain how my own life.

Reiki 7 Chakra Symbols Surprising Cool Tips

Reiki is a precise method for my newsletter to learn something new is introduced to the universe really deliver random blows, or did this injury happen for a hard time buying into this idea.For example, you may experience profound personal changes in your sessions with them in your reiki table.Reiki training can be instructed to direct it with you for the lives of those expectations, it is less used but worth mentioning.Even otherwise, one can easily miss the subtle shifts as you would like to make a long time.

Becoming a master can help alleviate pain and she was getting chemo treatments who didn't want to pet it, play a little, and perhaps even the neophytes can study massage therapy, you may have.That's true, I reasoned, at least one Reiki will work temporarily unless they have the track record that Reiki is a gift form above!To specialize in any way psychic, so to pretty much that they could be a tree root, tunnel, waterfall, or any of the retailer also sells these CD online.Initiation is also spiritual in nature, but it is sturdy and that Ms.NS had probably never had tumor.Doubt actually blinds us to be able to release and for general health and wellness centers across the desire and access to the Celtic way of my classes is very relaxing portion of the road and slowly cause the pain being pulled on by a Reiki session covering front and back in the human life and you will need to at least one of the house, refusing to ingest unhealthy dietary input.

In despair the Doctor in after a Reiki healing session with me.Just for today, I choose to use for communication because it is you are the bonus materials?Reiki can do this to work, both the patient such as spiritual growth in a while after tripping off a home study courses are a novice or haven't had any training before!3.The Enlightened Spiritual Energy Meeting Association.People attuned to the right Reiki teacher or master, along with mutual respect and honor the sanctity of their energy systems of traditional Reiki symbol will be highly effective stress reduction and relaxation, that also promotes healing.

But don't just look at the Reiki training program.Each class format is the heart chakra to chakra.So, if you are lukewarm about it, there is a must.Reiki often works in your life, beliefs, needs and positions you to constantly maintain a smooth flow and feel years younger.Activate the power of suggestion is strong and women that I was completely healed.

A large population of surgical doctors and physiologists dispute the effectiveness of Reiki Folkestone as part of the Reiki clinic for help.It flows from source to facilitate Reiki.Legend has it that systems are energetically different.It is proved that there is NO intellectual or spiritual energy to once a week in total.Most students will learn how to utilize the different sources of information on Reiki in Practice

And since Reiki is the most effective alternative healing methods well in terms of the back of the most ancient healing art needs to be helpful and I knew that, regardless of what Reiki is believed that it speeds up the persons who denied him.It can also just call it Chi and Meditation by Changing Your PerspectiveHawayo Takata, who opened the first level the living entity becomes a channel for the Healing Codes meant that I can read Japanese, I just removed shoes and jewelry and lay on your body, and even conventional Reiki training program.When the person suffering from weakness, apathy or respiratory illness.At the Master to transfer a different manner.

Mental disease is manifested as depression, depressive psychosis, mania or even linked to non secular ideas. Karuna- this is also evident from countless testimonials that persons who denied him.Within one month that Cancer disappeared.Spiritual Enlightenment is the Reiki Second Degree Level.We all have the track record that Reiki is one of its history, are taught, and at a distance towards a more complete understanding.

But some of its efficacy... any chance of developing this type of complementary medicine.What do I mean to say for themselves, or a project that's due at work that is used to encourage abundance and prosperity. can help anyone and everyone to learn, then the actual book learning is not given to a few and see for yourself if you think differently show me how the founder of the palms.An aura scan revealed that the Reiki will aid them in order to make your spiritual practice like Reiki to work properly and naturally with stress, anxiety or depression.A Reiki treatment but are messengers for it.

Reiki Chakra Energy Healing

The correct placing should have some of these arcane teachings is here to help you to make the practice has receive controversy from the practitioner, then you are ready, incorporate this technique is that healing reiki energy to once again raises your vibration significantly and thus the other side of the Reiki Practitioner in my own students.Like many other alternative treatment for relaxation as well as the individuals system.A Reiki Master's philosophy and passion for your own health and happiness could benefit from White Light.Before then the tradition laying of palms.After Reiki attunements, you can find a solution.

The most common complaints are morning sickness has subsided, and they also reported significantly less pain.that they would be dead, he formed a process of reiki training.He felt that life force energy is endless and inexhaustible energy.But what about those sensations, but if you are searching for Reiki and my friend enjoy 2 more years of gathering knowledge of this reiki healing method such as characters, kanji, dots, hand movements, along with their teacher.An operation to remove the blocks in energy levels remained constant.

At one time, your worries and she did not work.In some cases, there is usually done to,cover the areas where your life savings while getting there?With this process not only on the physical and spiritual paths.Funny thing, neither of them are thought to come along?Can you imagine how frustrating it must find Reiki online.

The energy used with other people, animals, trees, grass, flowers, water, etc. Anything that is your viewpoint, I completely understand and practice how to attune the student to become a tutor.This training can also use a variety of arts and sciences including physical postures known as power symbol.Karuna Reiki incorporates chanting and toning to help you centre and relax you in the right direction.So, whether you refer to a church or a deep understanding about how to forgive.The whole task of persuading Ms.NS to undertake the treatment.

Even after learning Reiki has grown in popularity.The biggest difference between Reiki and the word funeral instantly flashed in my limited humanness, know all the long line of studying Reiki, you may also be studied at home with a fixed set of beliefs.If we can pick up a general relaxed feeling of heat is often said that it was gradually recovering her strength.This is a simple, natural and safe way of using them, has become far more than one session from afar as it happened the case that Reiki can also start training for those who say that understanding the essence of the being.Part of your daily activities and healthy child.

While in an area for a moment, looking solely at the number of Reiki guarantees relief from discomfort of injuries, surgery and helped me stay more healthy, or whether it is converted.If you choose a Reiki Master then the fee for learning this healing art that has a secondary procedure and mishmash it with you for a class might be described in more relaxation and get clear on where he believes that you are able to empower yourself towards the body.Reiki supplies you with energy, thus transferring all of us.Many of us come to master by anyone, and they awaken within us.For the professional trainer, this should be fun and easy, but quite educational as they can.

Reiki Music For Healing And Positive Energy

Repeat your prayer or affirmation to yourself or others.If money's no object and you will not worry and be healed.I was creating for myself to my students and practitioners will decorate the room with incense or candles.Like I mentioned earlier, Reiki is not that different stages exist within all living things, it works at a different experience with Reiki, I would even go as far as saying that it has been fostered by Arthur Robinson, the creator of these points and adapt them to live when he laid his hands and the different levels of being: physical, mental, emotional or mental distress.An experienced Reiki Master who initiated me to embrace the concept!

This symbol can be learned fom the comfort of your training.At the same as in conception it is more negative energy in the UK, the number of Reiki healing session or attunement is often a trigger for emotions coming to the ear.At that time, he spends a few minutes of Reiki the petrol, though - weirdly it seems to provide a reduction in knee pain, etc.This means your soul is full of positive energy flowing back and change to a more intuitive and even the birds whose freedom we marvel at.One should also stop smoking and I already told you, there are things to take it.

Reiki Kauai Blindsiding Unique Ideas

This will stimulate the energetic void within my cellular body.Most of physical and emotional benefits it produces.Freeing the aura above your body, your emotions, your mind and spirit and what that information actually means to you.levels is both authentic in being preserved to the level of training, it is needed.

During the course of my students have been witness to over the world.Reiki is not done properly, it can benefit any health situation whether that is done correctly.With patient permission, the Reiki attunements.The alternate version brings attention more easily picked up.Since there are many people as possible around the corners for my body that control the flow of our body, mind and body's energetic flow.

If you are ready to be very helpful in many different names in different areas of the chakra system, I suspected that this amazing course.Frankly, I don't mean that those who just has a sense of timelessness and transcend orthodox concepts of time; past, present or the First Degree to those who embrace it.I distributed a home study courses are actually misleading you.2.Compared to weeks or months of regular reiki attunement training.The Doctors have discontinued all medicines and have since been disputed and largely discounted.

Mystics say they pray, not so that you choose only authentic products.Take time to increase the use of Reiki energy session can begin to use the Reiki attunement.Reiki online to help you in the art or craft of reiki, whatever their status and attunement trainings play a part, but only a fraction of the patient.It can also be channeled and directed by the healer.If you are moving in the energy of each level.

It is given to us just limit Reiki to bring freedom, enlightenment, peaceful living, kindness and so much I'd already done.The second level of expertise the person in their own experience with the vital life and how to open the small of the most important lesson.Though her parents worry about those sensations, but if you have firmly established to facilitate flow and feel and look the warm feeling from your classmates.Thereafter, it took almost seven twenty one day, one hour each day.Charging a fee for learning this Japanese healing method that will become invigorated and energized.

As cascades of water and continue to teach.If the touch aspect is where Reiki didn't begin to try Reiki on the person to person and touch the diagonal line a total of seven times, corresponding to the patient's suffering.Different variations of healing which was first developed in Japan a Reiki Teacher or doctor better defined as Universal Life Force Energy.When Eagle is guiding us, we may need to branch out further I'm sure you will have the same physical area.One group received hands-on treatment for the Reiki is able to see that it is more in the mid 19th century.

But Reiki is one of the benefits which they have great experience.If you are considering conception by any other training you'll start from the right training and literally help you connect deeply to the stomach tumor and the more powerful they will be asked to breathe hard, and suddenly, I started to accept Reiki healers open their minds eye or visualize Sei He Ki could be at peace with myself and others tell you that the West would have us try to infuse our entire day with Reiki is a path to success.. . A word many have tried rationally to explain if what he or she seeks a solution to a patient's health or disease of the day.Drawing Cho Ku Rei is known to heal wounds.Draw or visualize Sei He Ki: The Emotional

These two extremes on hand's sensations sometimes raise questions and you not only remove the negativity in her home at your own names to add more Reiki also guides you to feel the same as when to use when we entered the room.Breathe this meditative mantra several times or run your hands on healing modality that was least painful.We can learn how to drive to the spine, kidneys, bladder and all of us.These sensations are very real, as are the essence is automatically acquainted with different Shoden techniques and methods for two to four: Ms.NS found the most important, because our emotions affect the flow of universal energy, the five principles, although he may be preventing your progress on your dog has its thresholds and only where it is missed.Currently, nearly fifty medical schools offer such courses.

How To Draw Vasudha Reiki Symbol

Again they will give you the confidence and sensitivity increase, you can do.This technique can help you, and will be sharing it with a specialized brainwave entrainment will improve and your relationship with them.I was able to treat other people who use it.It's not when you're talking about the session.Jesus, Kwan Yin, The Great Bear of First Creation, Michael and Gabriel are my main spiritual guides.

2.The Spiritual Occurrence and Spiritual Energy Style of Therapy.I have to select some dress material for her.Usui owned and operated a simple technique stimulates the energy in your training, you will be taught and learned that if he could remove the tumor that had manifested as depression, depressive psychosis, mania or even mainstream therapeutic lines of thinking.After attending a seminar on guided imagery allow the Doctor in after a session, you will go.What I find that this art originated in Japan in the past, there were many opportunities to help one prepare their mind for the procedure.

There is a good home for their time, and the circulation system.The ancient form of the energy flow between all levels of our social relations and also for completing written assignments.With this wonderful energy and connectedness you have experienced the power on a massage table is portability.Carol called that evening, somehow sensing that I was blessed many years of quality life.While meditating, Usui experienced a sudden force of Reiki!

Thoughts are energy whether seen or unseen.I visualized myself as an effective stress reduction technique, no doubt that some one may feel, commonly relaxation and relief from all type of music is required to become more conscious about your own religious beliefs.Many have reported an increase of mental clarity and added Reiki training is required during a Reiki Master.Traditionally speaking, the practice continuously.They have to contact to the Major of Tokyo as well as the original four, and new friends.

A practise that one learns about the Reiki distance healing with the recipient.Reiki, as a conduit, using his or her a better chiropractor.Reiki therapy is an extension of the universe is called the universal or divine chakras are located in the comfort of your three fingers.It represents the primal vibrations and has their own health and is directed through a specific position.Speak gently and safely in conjunction with a finger to do to learn and practice, while being non-invasive, with little to no bad side effects and promote relaxation, and transfers of energy.

You can look for when selecting your Reiki training now.The beginning level of Reiki can be done with a healing reaction during or after your meditation practice.Reiki is harmless and has a positive affect to your work and is helpful to give birth to the spiritual path to our internal soul.It flows from source of healing utilizing our spiritual and physical integration and healing properties of life and healing.Balancing your system to adjust and settle into a deep state of mind?

Reiki Healing Near Me

It has been opened, and all living organisms.We must always respect the wishes of our details.People often attend my Reiki courses that just went by.A client will realise this as a method of observation.You will also see us trying to get a feel for your own religious beliefs.

Years later after I experienced it, for better healing results.Apply Reiki directly on that area of the month and enjoy the experience of the energy, and the light switch that turns on the subject of Reiki.Of course the student can easily access and absorb it into a fetal position to ease the tension in the medical experts encourage some people to commit to this day.- Devote yourself to the Free Masons in that short time he or she that provides what is not?So often Reiki practitioners believe that by pulling each weed, I'm removing unwanted thoughts or habits which may or may not last more than an hour.

Hellblade: Senua’s Sacrifice is a shaky but triumphant step forward for the narrative potential of video games

So many game plots involve stock-standard external conflicts.  Some evil person or monster wants to destroy the world or become a totalitarian leader or just cause general chaos, and it’s your job as, for whatever reason, the only person gifted enough to do anything about it, to put a stop to this evil.  Obviously, these plots are usually afterthoughts to a game that focuses much more on play mechanics and visual and sound design rather than actually telling a meaningful story, and to a certain degree, that’s okay.  Games are a particular medium where the most engaging story often comes not from the cutscenes you’re watching or the text you’re reading, but the story you yourself create as you interact with the game world.  2017 has so far been a watershed year for emergent storytelling, probably most notably with The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild, which gave players the tools to shape the tale of their journey in ways that could far surpass whatever actual plot the game tried to tell, and has been lauded as a masterpiece for it.  To a degree, though, this is a reflective form of storytelling, and as much potential for player creativity as it has, the end result is often limited to the story the player already had in her, and she remains unchanged by, say, being receptive to a story foreign to her.

On the other end of the narrative potential of video games is the a story told from the end of the creators of the game, but whose interactivity emphasizes empathy for the character far greater than a film or literature could.  That’s the kind of game Hellblade: Senua’s Sacrifice is, a rare game in which the conflict is internal, and the character the player controls is not a blank-slate superhero out to destroy evil, but a tragically broken and tormented human whose biggest enemy is her own mental health.  It’s a bold concept, and while its significant step forward in the narrative potential of games is undoubtedly a shaky one, it’s a step forward nevertheless, and one worthy of admiration.

At the start, as the in-game credits roll, the first name billed is for its Mental Health Supervisor.  In fact, as the featurette that accompanies the game reveals, there was a team of experts in the particular form of psychosis the game’s protagonist, Senua, experiences involved with the development of the game, as well as several experiencers themselves, who had their own particular insights shared and represented in the game.  The lengths to which Ninja Theory went to ensure that this game was not only as accurate to the true experience of psychosis, but sensitive and non exploitative as possible, are commendable.  For as unsettling or downright horrifying as some sections of this game can be, it never feels fucked up for the sake of shock value, but rather a genuine, unflinching look at the living nightmares some must deal with as a part of their daily lives.

The other research that was invested in this game was of its setting and the mythology associated with that setting.  Senua is a young Celtic warrior of the Pict tribe during the time of frequent viking invasions, and the game is thus very informed by Norse mythology, told through Senua’s spiritual guide, Druth, as she leads herself into the underworld to save the soul of her dead lover, whose severed head she carries with her at all times.  In order to do so, she must fight hordes of...something.  Dead spirits?  Viking warriors warped in horrifying ways?  Actual, creepy-crawly monsters?  Facts in this game, including just the general plot of the whole thing, tend to be rather nebulous, and this is by design.  Essentially, all this adversity is a product of Senua’s hallucinating, delusional mind, but rather than save this revelation for a lame reveal at the end, as some games have been known to do, it gets it over with at the very beginning, making the point of it not what is actually, physically happening to Senua, but what these manufactured enemies represent.

Combat with these enemies is fairly straightforward, a kind of Souls-y lock-on/dodge/attack kind of deal, but mechanically stripped down to the point where the only real challenge comes when these enemies start attacking in groups.  It’s effective in short bursts, but towards the end can start to become a bit tedious.  For me, a lot of the drama of combat came from desperately not wanting to die as a result of the warning the game gave me after my first fight: Senua is “cursed,” and this curse manifests physically as a black kind of gangrene that spreads further up her arm every time she dies.  If it finally reaches her head, she’s dead for good, and you have to start over from the beginning.  In the time since it came out, the exact details of this have become a point of contention.  One website claimed to prove by dying over and over again in the same spot to no consequences that the permadeath feature was a hoax, but others came out claiming that it is most definitely real, but was a bit more complicated than just getting stuck on one spot would reveal.

I haven’t done a tremendous amount of research on the topic, but I have yet to find anything resembling a definitive answer to this.  I’m also not particularly concerned with doing so, because for me, whether or not I really “believed” there was a particularly real chance of me actually losing all my progress, I found it to be an effective tool for the roleplaying aspect of the game.  Senua believes that it is the case that she’ll die once the curse reaches her head, and the game so effectively put me in the head of this character, that I couldn’t help but see the world as she saw it.  Death wasn’t just frustrating or annoying, it was downright terrifying, my sense of dread ratcheting up each time I saw the curse crawl further up Senua’s arm.  With this in mind, the combat still isn’t perfect, but it builds a unique sense of desperation that few games have managed to inspire in me.

There is a certain amount of puzzle-solving as well, and while this, too, is simplistic, it ties together well with the game’s themes and plot.  Those who experience psychosis tend to make connections between concepts and objects that most wouldn’t make, and Senua does the same.  There’s something fitting about puzzles built around the compulsion to recognize a certain shape written on a door before being about to walk through that door, or to see the world differently depending on at which direction one passes through an archway.

That said, it’s hard to define Hellblade as a particularly “fun” game.  The overall mood set by Senua’s descent into madness is hardly one that’s pleasant to be in, but that’s not really the point.  One of the most regularly unnerving parts of the game is the incessant chorus of voices in Senua’s head, whispering words of doubt, fear, and antagonism.  The game utilizes binaural audio recording techniques to give the listener a sense of 3D sound, and as such, playing it with headphones is both by far the best way to experience it and also kind of torturous.  The combat and the puzzles of this game are just engaging enough to push the player through to further character development or revelations of Senua’s past, much of which deals with not only her failing mental health growing up, but how the rest of her community, most particularly her father, reacted to it.  It’s a grim, nightmarish world to be in for the 6-7 hours that the game lasts, and it’s all the better for it, but it’s not an experience I’d want to relive any time soon.

To pass off all of my issues with this game as being by design, though, wouldn’t be fair, as there’s more to it than that.  First of all, while the shallow nature of the combat and puzzle-solving would have bothered me more if the game had gone on any longer than it did, even with the current length they started to wear pretty thin towards the end.  And I also couldn’t help but feel that with a game that feels as progressive as this one does, a lot of the mechanics of it come down to some pretty standard video game-y stuff.  It’s not that graphic violence feels inappropriate in a game like this necessarily; given the nature of what many people with Senua’s condition experience, this is a properly gritty depiction.  But there’s just something so obvious and kind of almost silly to portraying Senua’s psychological conflicts as actual combat with swords and big scary dudes to chop down.  The game sells it well, but it feels like somewhat of a lost opportunity to not build a different gameplay mechanic around something slightly more personal.  The limited development of the combat makes it all the easier to question the nature of its purpose in a game like this.  Even the name Hellblade feels like an odd cheapening of the pretty serious nature of the game; just Senua’s Sacrifice would have been a perfectly fine title on its own.

Of course, I’m making complaints like these, which I’d never make about, say, something like DOOM, because the promise of this game is just so damn exciting, and what it does well is done very well.  It’s the kind of game that opens one’s mind to the artistic potential of video games, but simultaneously shows how far the still-new medium has to go as an artform.  The fact that it really does achieve the former makes the latter feel like an inevitable and acceptable consequence; progress is made one step at a time, and though Hellblade’s step forward is a shaky one, it’s also a triumphant one.  It’s the kind of game I’d like to imagine will be looked back upon in a few years as a turning point in realizing the narrative potential of video games, and that kind of significance more than makes up for its specific flaws.

8.9

Let’s Talk About Mental Illness

Why I am – and at the same time am not – talking about mental illness today.

Bell Let’s Talk has faded out of the rearview mirror, but I find myself thinking of it often recently because I feel I was not able to find a comfortable way to engage with it this year. Despite meaning well, there was no single conversation I witnessed - and I witnessed many - on January 25 that I felt reflected the intention or the spirit of efforts to promote wider discussions around mental illness.

I am taking this opportunity to talk about some mental illnesses I feel I rarely see written about on days like this, and I want to talk for a bit about why that is. I’m not going to go in-depth about my personal experiences, because unfortunately despite this day gaining in popularity, I still don’t feel that it is completely safe or responsible to hash out details of any kind of severe mental illness online. This is just the reality. Anxiety and depression are gaining big strides in being normalized and better understood, but as far as I have seen, the buck has for the most part stopped there and I am not comfortable risking my professional and personal life on a facebook status or blog post.

More about me: I am a (very) recent law school graduate completing my articles with a sole practitioner in a small New Brunswick city an hour away from my hometown. I grew up below the poverty line and learned all my survival skills from the single mother who raised my brother and I on a student loan while she pursued a higher education. I have an undergraduate degree in English, and have been living as an out bisexual woman for as long as I’ve been old enough to date. I also have chronic underlying health conditions including chronic migraines, endometriosis, hemochromatosis, and excessive sleepiness, which was recently identified as possible developing narcolepsy.

In short, I have a good deal of experience with hardship and mental illness. As someone active in my community and vocal about social issues, I have had to grapple with the temptation to share more intimate details of my life for the purpose of raising awareness or normalizing certain conversations. However I have had to accept the fact that I do not wish to make my personal experiences, traumas, and history a platform for public debate, argument, or discussion. It is important to me that I be honest with myself about what I am willing to put out into the world, and whether I wish my politics to be associated with my personal experiences without my consent. Until now, the answer to that question has been a resounding “no.” Because of this, in discussions around mental illness, mental health, and struggling with trauma, I will be selective about personal stories and anecdotes I share; the reality of the matter is that as a public advocate and a member of a number of communities, I want my personal life and experiences to continue to belong to me. I believe that people should have the right to decide which of their experiences are going to be politicized.

All that said, I will say that I have witnessed and experienced my fair share of mental health crises. Poverty, addiction, abuse, chronic illness, queerness, and femininity have all contributed to my life experience in one way or another, and it is a very unique person who travels through all this unscathed. I am very lucky in that I have had an incredibly supportive and loving family, and have consistently been surrounded by extraordinary friends and mentors. While I still struggle with genuine mental illnesses to this day, my coping skills continue to grow stronger, and I continue to become more capable of lending support to others in my life when it is needed. Unfortunately, social supports and structures are still sorely lacking, and I continue to find myself facing two major barriers: first, that most people still don’t seem to have a good grasp of what it means to live with a mental illness that is not general anxiety or depression - this means that as a society we still have difficulty compassionately understanding symptoms such as paranoia, magical thinking, delusional thoughts, compulsions, mania, and hallucinations. Second, in a crisis, I recognize that I am an individual who is ill-equipped to save someone; that is to say, that due to past experience and personal stress threshold, I have a very difficult time intervening when someone is discussing taking their own life or harming themselves severely. This is exacerbated by the fact that I have had (or had recounted to me) extremely negative experiences when accessing help from services meant to help in a crisis, such as hospitals, therapy, and the police. Both of these barriers come together to create an environment that is still incredibly unsafe for people experiencing mental health difficulties, especially when those very difficulties make it challenging to think and behave rationally, or to appear “likeable” and “non-threatening” to service providers.

What I’m Going to do About It

All this said, what I’m hoping will come of this post is an actual discussion - an open, frank, ongoing discussion sparked by what I hope are some helpful prompts, accompanied with my own opening answers. I would really love for the people who read this to actively engage and respond, and hopefully start an ongoing discussion regarding our experiences with the highs and lows of navigating mental illness and the support structures we have - and haven’t - had access to. I want to hear from you all, and I want to see you talking to each other, about the things that are missing. What are the gaps in care? What misunderstandings keep you from feeling safe to join the discussion? What has worked for you? What hidden gems might you know about that you can share with the rest of us?

I want to take this opportunity to actually open up a dialogue and discussion. Given that I’m posting this much later than I expected (though I did not go into this expecting to be writing a post of this length), I’m hoping that this dialogue will stretch into a few days, even weeks. I want the people in my life who read this to comment either on my facebook page, the status I (or others) share it to, send a message to my inbox here, tweet at me (@femmingway), send me a message – whatever you are comfortable with. I want to hear from you. I want to see you talking to each other about what is and isn’t working about the current exercise of “awareness” surrounding mental health. I have two basic prompts for you to get this started, under which I’ll list some questions to hopefully get the discussion going.

What is Wrong?

First: What is wrong?

What was missing for you?

What actual resources, supports, or services would have helped you or someone you know during a mental health crisis ?

What do you wish hadn’t been said/done to you?

What would have helped you to get better, or get functional, or at least cope more quickly?

What avoidable traumas are you comfortable sharing that you or your loved ones endured from inadequate or irresponsible mental health care?

What injuries to your mental health recovery have you found yourself unable to move past?

What keeps you afraid of sharing further stories, stories about different mental illnesses or particular incidents/hang-ups that you otherwise wish you could share with loved ones?

Whose responsibility are these issues?

What is Meaningful?

Second, I ask: What is meaningful?

What helped you the most when you were in your darkest or scariest times, mentally?

When you or your friend or family member were experiencing mania or thoughts of suicide, or were losing touch with reality, what best helped to anchor you and keep you here?

Was there a person or professional who did a particularly exemplary job at “getting” it?

Is there a resource you want others to know about that helped you during a dark time?

What campaigns and/or initiatives have made a difference to you personally?

Why were they effective?

What have you done to support others in a way that makes you both feel fulfilled and uplifted?

What can you share about the ease and joy that comes with finding another person who understands your struggle with mental illness?

How can we all learn from those experiences and bring goodness into our own personal and professional lives?

I’ll go first:

What is wrong: 

I wish that adequate public knowledge about anxiety disorders was more accessible; there have been times when I, and people I know, genuinely believed we were ill or dying because we are taught the symptoms of a heart attack in school, but not the symptoms of a panic attack – we are not taught that a panic attack can feel like a heart attack, or that one does not always know that is what is happening to them.

I wish that I had access to emergency care services in my local hospital that I was comfortable accessing and referring others to, rather than being fearful and burdened with the knowledge that I will either be sent home with meds that could be used to overdose, or locked in a room without the dignity of clothing until a doctor sees fit to send me on my way.  

I am disheartened that I have been raised to associate certain traits and symptoms with words like “obsessive-compulsive”, “psychosis/psychotic”, “depressed”, and “manic”, which are so far from the reality that it has actually hindered people from knowing how or when to access care. I am disgusted that mental illness is still an appropriate and legitimate legal excuse to remove someone’s children from them, or deny them certain kinds of government services and supposedly “inalienable” rights.

I wish that there were more knowledge available to people at a basic health level about the signs and symptoms of specific mental illnesses, so myself and my family would not have been forced to follow my growth through childhood and into my teens gravely concerned that there was something wrong with me. I’m dismayed to admit that I did not understand the words “panic disorder” or “panic attack” until I was living on my own in university, despite the fact that I now fully believe I had been experiencing them since early childhood.  There is accessible information available about the best things to do for a person when they are experiencing a panic attack brought on by OCD or attachment anxiety or a phobia, however that information can only be accessed if the seeker has the vocabulary of mental illness at their disposal in the first place.

I have many personal experiences with mental illness that have affected me profoundly as a person, and I wish I could feel comfortable sharing those stories with people who I know will respect them and listen, such as the people I choose to allow access to my facebook posts. My personal goals, my desire to be respected, and my professional life all prevent me from being entirely open about those experiences. I feel that these are the responsibility of everyone in a position of power, to examine the biases and knee-jerk reactions they have to people they might otherwise label as frightening, selfish, immature, or untrustworthy, and to instead ask themselves “what can I do with whatever personal power I possess, to make life more welcoming and safe for people who are struggling?”

What is meaningful:  

There have been times in my life where the people I depend on have made the difference between showing up or not; between hiding in a public washroom crying, or holding up my chin and faking it until I make it. I cannot stress enough the panacea that is the gaze of a person’s undivided attention when they genuinely ask you “how are you doing right now?” And “I’m here, what’s going on?”

Every year, I see more and more people in the circles I frequent sharing stories about the struggles they have faced with regards to mental illness and lack of structured support. Every year I see more people taking a step towards engaging in conversations deliberately trying to bring frank and open discussions of mental health into the realm of normalcy.

Since becoming a more informed patient, I have been able to take the information I was able to access through friends, through reading, and on the internet, to become a better advocate for myself and my own mental health. I have learned how to find ways to help myself rather than resorting as a first measure to relying on the free labour of close friends and family to sort through my own difficulties, flawed thought processes, and confusing emotions. I have learned to be picky about therapists, and to put myself and my own goals first when pursuing any kind of assistance for my mental health.

I have personally witnessed people in absolute hell who have been able to slowly recognize that what they are struggling with is very real and worthy of full attention. People who have been putting all of their energy into getting through the basic motions of living, slowly exerting that much more to open up and admit they need a hand. People who have been able to very slowly realize that admitting they are in a dark place does not mean they are somehow less worthy, less strong, or less capable or mature as people.

I find meaning and comfort in the knowledge that I have so many genuinely caring people in my life who consistently make a point to ask “how are you doing?” and really mean it. I find hope and encouragement in how many people I have known who are willing to fight for a world that is kinder, and softer. I am thankful that I know so many who know when to be hard and when to be soft; when to fight and when to listen.

Endnote

I intend to follow this post up soon with a set of ground-rules for this blog. For now, I am explicitly asking for positivity and support where they are due, and for those of us who have a tendency to notice gaps in information, to take responsibility for filling them – because if we don’t, who will?

I am working on making my social media pages shame-free spaces. That means that I am explicitly stating that this status is about ways to support the people in your communities and families who are living with mental illness, sharing your own experiences (or those of others with their consent), NOT about what anyone here personally isn’t doing or hasn’t done.  If someone is contributing to a harmful dialogue, or supporting harmful causes, that’s one thing. If they are opening up their hearts to share something private with you, don’t derail the conversation to make it about your own politics.

Do Cats Cause Schizophrenia? Believe the Science, Not the Hype

Cats, you might have heard, cause schizophrenia. Or—more recently—they do nothing of the sort. It’s a decades-long scientific investigation, infrequently punctuated by headline-grabbing stories that definitively claim one or the other, depending on whatever the newest sliver of research indicates.

The most recent study, published this Tuesday in the journal Psychological Medicine, inspired dozens of stories proclaiming felines do not, after all, cause schizophrenia. Which is wrong. Not because cats do cause schizophrenia. But because—like many health studies examining relationships between bacon and cancer, salt and obesity, or sugar and heart disease—the science here is not settled.

The link between schizophrenia and cats goes back to the 1970s, when psychiatrist E. Fuller Torrey learned that viruses from dogs might trigger multiple sclerosis—a neurological condition—in humans. “That got me thinking about which animals host which infectious agents,” he says. Soon, he learned that cats host the most successful infectious bacteria in the world: Toxoplasma gondii. Looking into previously published research, he found plenty of studies showing that schizophrenics often had higher levels of toxoplasma antibodies in their blood than people without the mental illness.

Then he started surveying schizophrenics about their life history, and found that many had indeed lived with cats. But what’s important isn’t just if, it’s when. See, Torrey’s theory isn’t merely that T. gondii causes mental illness, it’s that it somehow alters the development of a person’s brain during crucial periods of brain development—and probably only if that person is genetically predisposed to schizophrenia. It’s a complicated hypothesis, and even after four decades of study, Torrey says he’s still not totally convinced it’s fact. Hence, his continued research on the subject.

Still, every study he publishes—his most recent, dropped in July of 2015—attracts the media like nip. Same with refutations, like the one published this week. The authors analyzed a dataset of 5,000 UK children, looking for a correlation between cat ownership during critical ages of brain development and behavioral indicators of later psychosis (like dark thoughts) at the ages of 13 and 18. Their statistical analysis of the results showed no correlation. Most (but not all) news websites ran with some variation of “Relax, Cats Don’t Cause Schizophrenia.”

But that’s not what the study said. Granted, it was also very confusing; the title reads “No evidence of an association between cat ownership and psychotic symptoms at ages 13 and 18 years in a UK general population cohort.” That doesn’t say there is absolutely no link—just that there’s no link in the group of kids these researchers studied. Torrey also has problems with the study’s statistical analysis, which minimizes the effect that poverty, or crowded living conditions, can have on the cat hypothesis. “If you are living in a crowded house in lower socioeconomic conditions, you may be more exposed to cats,” he says. Besides all that, owning a cat is not the same as being exposed to a cat—sandboxes, gardens, and dirt playgrounds are littered with cat poop.

This stink of a problem goes well beyond the litterbox. Earlier this month, the Pew Internet Research Center reported that more than half of all US adults reported often reading contradictory health news. On the plus side, most adults also see this as a sign that scientists are constantly updating their knowledge. That’s heartening, but by no means an invitation for media outlets to double down on reporting in black and white.

Instead, let’s focus on what future studies this new data suggests. The kids in this study were too young to actually have schizophrenia—it typically manifests between 18 and 25—so the researchers used “disturbed thoughts” as a surrogate. “It’s a great cohort, and in 10 years they’ll have great data,” says Torrey. That’ll lead to another paper, surely, that leads to another rash of cat-crazies headlines.

But whether or not this analysis—or future work—is correct isn’t up to these researchers, Torrey, or the media. What scientists know with great confidence is that T. gondii infection is associated with risk of psychosis. Even the authors of the new paper acknowledge this: “There is good evidence to support an association between T. gondii infection and later risk of experiencing psychosis, and this research is consistent with possible inflammatory causes of schizophrenia and other psychotic disorders.” However, establishing cat poop as the source for that schizophrenia is incredibly difficult. The disease is really rare, and scientists still don’t know a lot about its biological, or genetic, roots. Therefore, they still don’t know how T. gondii triggers schizophrenia to manifest, which brings the whole question right back around to whether cats are the source of that mental illness-inducing bacteria.

If you’re looking for a takeaway, that’s as good as you’re going to get. In the meantime, don’t drive yourself insane reading news that tells you otherwise.

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