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questioningespecialy · 3 months

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SiNoMC: for the Love of Rei

post migrated to pillowfort (March 2024) archive: dashboard | blog [removed non-image content for reasons]

[IMAGE DESCRIPTIONS]

1ST IMAGE...

Rei sits with her back diagonally to the viewer on a foldable chair in her 1 bedroom home dressed in school clothes and looking down at something in front of her. A single light source coming from the crack between the long window curtains to her left shines a streak of blue directly infront of her and into her otherwise purple dark room. In the room is what appears to be: 1) a mini fridge (with freezer) diagonally to the front right of her, 2) an open box on the floor to the left of it with bandages sticking out, 3) a satchel hanging from the right side of the fridge, 4) various things sitting ontop of the fridge, 5) a roll top dresser with two books ontop in the corner to her diagonal front left, 6) a partially made bed diagonally to the rear left of her on a low metal bedframe, 7) a wide lamp attached to the “headboard” side of said bedframe, 8) a few articles of clothing on the floor diagonally to her rear right, and 9) an open doorway to her far right. The bedroom wall in front of her is composed of large squares that’re almost a third of her height each and reminiscent of padding.

2ND IMAGE...

Rei (left) and Shinji (right) stand around 2 feet apart on a metal platform in front of a cylindrical tank of small fish. They both wear all-white clothes: Rei a knee-high skirt, Shinji ankle-long pants, both matching closed toe sandals. The image stops just below their buttocks, showing the underside of Shinji’s fingers.

[END IMAGE DESCRIPTIONS]

#Shit i Needed off My Chest #long post #Rei (NGE) is bestgirl #anime #evangelion #rebuild of evangelion #Rei Ayanami #Shinji Ikari #waifus #serious discourse #Evangelion 2.0 Elevator Scene (Amazon Prime dub)#Rebuild of Evangelion 2.0: Rei & Shinji's Connection #YouTube #this write-up didn’t have space for certain matters #like the “no personality” debate #or the other matter #ya know…#what guys really want in a woman?#someone who will protect ‘em

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ancientevangelions · 8 months

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Who is the true Fashion icon of Evangelion?

Neon Genesis Evangelion, some consider to be a pretentious anime with random biblical imagery and a plot too convoluted to follow. And a fandom preoccupied with arguing over which 14-year-old is the hottest or should have a steamy relationship with another 14-year old.

What they don't know is it is also fashion. We are here to argue over WHO HAS THE BEST FASHION in Evangelion. Nothing else matters. Obviously we know this is true.

So to you my followers I ask, who is THE BEST DRESSED

#neon genesis evangelion #rei ayanami #shinji ikari #kaworu nagisa #rebuild of evangelion #misato katsuragi #mari illustrious makinami #ritsuko akagi #asuka langley shikinami #asuka langley soryu #NGE #unit 01

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macksting · 4 months

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It's not the most important thing going on right now but I've been kinda having catradora brainrot the last couple days, and it helps sometimes. Whatever value there is in examining relationships in fiction and talk about normalization or whatever, I think one thing a lot of these pearl-clutchers who hate catradora with such a passion are very much missing is how very much a fuckup Adora is. I'm not saying she isn't a victim, I'm not saying Catra isn't a victim herself for that matter, I'm just saying that Adora's fucked-upedness is more socially acceptable because it's more pliant. She thinks she's without value unless she's She-Ra, and that fucks her up bad; especially since it's reinforced by Brightmoon all falling in love with her only, and I mean only, as She-Ra. Adora is a danger, a menace, and should be discarded. She must perform She-Raness constantly, and be everything they expect her to be, or else she is... unwelcome. Honestly, it's kinda like Ikari Shinji. I wouldn't bother bringing it up except I see it in real life. If one party is consistently more pliable because the way they were fucked up makes them unable to set boundaries or conditions, people love that person, but the person who is fucked up in a way that makes them angry or scared or scary is a menace, a terror, a monster. And god knows some of us could do better, and god knows I work on myself, but that inability to set boundaries, that feeling of worthlessness, that dangerous conformity... That's fucked up too. It's not better. I want to shake these pearl-clutching twits by the shoulders and yell at them "IT'S NOT BETTER." It's fiction. I'm neither condemning nor apologizing for anybody. That part's just not that fucking important. But this does mirror real life: if someone is the kind of fucked up where they're compliant and do everything you tell them to, that's not better.

#catra #catradora #spop catra #adora #spop adora #spop #she-ra #she-ra catra #she ra catra #she ra #she ra adora #discourse #look I'll own it this is discourse #disk horse #it's a damn disk horse #like tenser's floating disk #but a horse

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alilaro · 10 months

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I have some Thoughts on Evangelion, and I'm hyperfixating right now, so here's a massive info-dump on it. Thank you and I'm sorry.

(trigger warnings for: child abuse, child death, gore mention, pedophilia, mental health, depression, suicide, and potentially more.)

———————————————→

So, my take on the End Of Evangelion is like a 'Worst Timeline AU.' So what would've happened if Shinji had given into the crippling (justified) trauma and deepest depression of an abused, manipulated, and unfathomably damaged child soldier.

The way Misato constantly screams at him throughout the entire series to 'be a man' and pressures him to get into the EVA and fight literal biblical, kaiju-like angels.

The pressure of trying and failing to get a crumb of praise or approval from his neglectful and spiteful father.

The way people (and fans, tbh) get upset with him for constantly changing his mind. How if he doesn't pilot the EVA, either he or his friends could die. The pressure every adult puts on him. Or again, the absolute cosmic terror of just seeing—let alone having to murder these angels.

Of course, he quits all the time, he's 14. He's a child. An average adult with all the combat training in the world would easily do the same.

Yet he comes back again and again, because of the guilt, the self-loathing, the manipulation of the adults around him—

(who can have all the greatest intentions in the world, "the greater good", etc etc, and it doesn't change a goddamn thing that they are putting these children into death machines and treating it like if they dont do it they are selfish and worthless)

—that if he doesn't do it, his friends will do it and either they or others will die if it's not him.

Like, the point isn't that he can't make up his mind: it's the fact that even if he "gives up", he still keeps coming back, and putting himself before others, despite the grief, despite the pain, despite the trauma

A fourteen-year-old child refuses to stop getting up and trying. Which I feel is symbolic of the whole shows entire meaning, no matter how dark things are, how much you hurt, how much others hurt you, how you feel like nothing, and you want it all to just stop—the pain, the memories, the guilt, the crushing weight of complete utter depression—even as the darkest envelops you and holds you tight, you feel like you can never escape: there is ALWAYS a way out of it.

It's fucking hard, you will lose yourself in it, you will hurt so, so much—but eventually you can find your way out. Through time, through loved ones, through therapy, and more. It's never too late or someone is too far gone in their own despair that they can't be saved and brought back.

And that's not even mentioning the other children. Fans enjoy Asuka more than Shinji because she's got that quick, snappy, high-energy personality. She's overly proud and stubborn, and she loves to fight in her EVA. And Rei, she's the shy quiet girl (a Kuudere, even (didnt like writing that)) designed to be mysterious, and to speculate over. Who is she? Why is she so calm? Does she have a personality behind that demeanor?

But, just like Shinji, they are all child soldiers, and like him, they are products of trauma and manipulation by adults.

Rei, was made in a fool-hearted attempt to bring back Shinji's mother, Yui Ikari, by combining her remains with Lilith. What they got was Rei. An assimilation of Yui, Lilith, Eva, all combining into Rei Ayanami.

Her creators obviously had attachments to her, both having loved Yui before her death, and Gendo Ikari almost took her on as a daughter-like figure (Rei being the name he would've given to his child Shinji, if he had been born a girl,) and revoltingly even more than that.

But as the theme of the series goes, good intentions from adults mean very little, and often act as nothing more than an excuse for creating/doing inconceivably monstrous acts.

She is of course used as an EVA pilot, being able to manipulate her form into a 14-year-old. She is used as a tool. She is replaceable. She knows this. She has no desires because no one has ever cared enough about Rei as her own person to let her think for herself, asked her what she wants, her likes, her dreams, her fears.

Rei's entire existence at this point is to serve, and in an eerie way, the only thing she wants is to serve Gendo, because he's shown her the only breadcrumbs of "compassion" she's ever known.

And then Shinji comes along. Shinji has no idea what she is, only that she is another EVA pilot like himself. He speaks to her as he would anyone else. He cares about her, and her well-being as another person. Actual true compassion.

In episode 06, when Rei is hurt and thought to have died by Shinji, he pries open the hatch to her EVA, ignoring the scalding heat that burns his hands to do so. He finds her alive and cries, and she smiles for him.

This scene is an exact parallel that takes place before with Rei and Gendo (Shinji's father.) He pries open the hatch, scalding his hands too, and finds her alive inside. It's identical except for one thing: Compassion.

Shinji fights to free and help Rei, and when he sees her alive, he is overcome with relief that she, Rei, is alive. He is in tears, he tells her she isn't nothing, implying her life is worth something and people care about her.

When Gendo does it, he does it like a man trying to save a valuable asset. He sees she's okay, and mutters 'I see', and that's the end of it.

Again, in episode 23, when Rei actually dies and is replaced; she is confronted by herself (the Meta Rei, the Rei in her purest, most godly self. A combination of all her sense of beings,) and realizes that she is feeling, she is lonely, she is suffering, and for the first time she cries, and asks herself if this just for her love of Gendo, before sacrificing herself in death to save everyone—specifically shinji.

She is replaced by her many clones, but this time she regains some of her memories, her feelings, her anger, and she is more human now, less vessel, more soul. She is Rei.

In the End of Evangelion, we see the depths of Gendo's depravity. He wants his wife, Yui, back as she was, of course. But in the meanwhile, there's Rei. Rei who is part Yui—a substitute. He touches her breast, an attempt to merge with her, and moves his hand down further to rest between her hips, inside her.

Rei is as much his daughter figure and a child, as she is a part of his own wife, and arises from this: an Oedipus Complex. Gendo treats her as a disposable tool, yet holds Yui at his highest priority. She is his to do with as she likes. How many times has he used her like this? How many times has he committed these atrocities with this child behind closed doors?

Amongst everything else Rei is, she is also a victim of pedophilia.

And in her final moments, while he attempts to merge with Rei in a delusional attempt to bring back Yui, Rei becomes her own being. Rei puts her foot down and says no. She's had enough.

"I will not be a puppet for you to control."

She takes the hand of Adam, fully merges with Lilith, and becomes a God.

And what does she do with all that power? She takes it all, and gives it to Shinji. The one person that ever consistently showed her care and compassion, showed her love. Made her realize she is her own person, gives her the strength to realize her worth and refuse Gendo Ikari, and choose her own path.

Her choice can be argued as good or bad, both. But in the end it was REI's choice, and no one elses.

Asuka uses her anger and her fighting as a means to cope with a barbaric childhood. Her mother, Kyoko, underwent a Contact Experiment when Asuka would have been ~5 years old.

Kyoko survived, but lost her mind completely, thinking her real daughter was actually a doll, and leaving Asuka completely neglected by her mother, all whilst begging and trying to convince her that SHE was her real daughter, not some doll she clung to.

Meanwhile, her father was completely unaffected by this, and even had moved on with another woman (An affair that had been going on before Kyoko fell apart completely, the woman being Kyoto's doctor, that she knew about, and took place in their own home while both mother and daughter were present.) Throwing himself back into his own life with this new woman, and job, Asuka was left with nothing.

Asuka's mother finally snaps and plans her own suicide. She invites Asuka, and with nothing else and wanting nothing more than to be acknowledged by anyone, agrees to take their lives together.

As if all of this isn't bad enough, as a final blow, Asuka's mother takes her own life without Asuka, leaving a five-year-old CHILD to find her mother hanging lifelessly, betrayed and alone again.

Her entire personality isn't because she's 'cool' or 'bossy', its an unfathomably traumatized child, constantly in pain and unable to trust anyone, because she has been taught as an infant that she can not rely on the people meant to care for her, because her parents taught her that in the most brutal and disturbing way possible.

There's even reference to her trying to repeat her mother's suicide after disappearing from the fight, only to be found gravely injured and withering away in a bathtub.

She fights so hard to be independent because she refuses to let herself be hurt and abandoned again.

At the End of Evangelion, even when she is screaming and crying, bleeding to death after being speared through the eye, losing power, and being cannibalized alive in her EVA, she is still so desperate, so angry, that she refuses to die, swearing vengeance on her enemies through dying rattled breaths, and it isn't until she is bombarded with blades that she finally succumbs. And at the hands of NERV.

Again, she, and every single EVA pilot, is only 14 years old.

tldr: The series is about child trauma, children being turned into soldiers, the failings of adults around them, and the tragically brutal and real aftermath of the wreaks of havoc that would have on a child.

#I had to get this out of me because the loud fanbase for this show is fucking putrid #and also im hyperfixating and needed to get that out of my system LMAO #evangelion #neon genesis evangelion #eva #end of evangelion #evangelion shinji #evangelion asuka #evangelion rei #shinji ikari #asuka langley sōryū #rei ayanami #kyoko zeppelin sōryū #saiyū langley #gendo ikari #yui ikari

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relatableblorbopoll · 4 months

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Round 1 of preliminaries, group 18

The first two places get a place on the bracket

Little reminder: there will be 2 more rounds of preliminaries, the losing blorbos of this poll still have 2 chances of getting in the official bracket

Propaganda under the cut

Tobias (Animorphs)

"his mom left him and hes at least a little transcoded and also hes a bird for the rest of his life"

Isaac O'Connor (Paranatural)

"he's like me but specifically when i was thirteen which should tell you all you need to know about both me and him. emotional wreck of a lad who feels excluded from his friend group no matter what. drew a gjinka of a fruit bowl in art class. canonically a fan of hatsune miku. will apparently be eaten by a cat in the future and survive."

Trisana Chandler / Tris (Emelan book series)

"Grumpy girl just wants to be left alone with her books but oops she actually has such a big heart with so much love in it. Always annoyed about having to put down her book to help her friends or save a bunch of innocents. Also she's got trauma out the wazoo, her family didn't want her and she was always bullied for her weight, and then at like age ten she has to kill a bunch of people and live with THAT trauma."

Sokka (Avatar: The Last Air Bender)

"I also like meat, sarcasm, and boomerangs. On a more serious note, he's the only one out of his group of friends for the longest time without special powers (relatable when you're friends with super talented people), he really likes organization and charts (same), and he completely fumbles his first attempt at public speaking (painful, but same). We're also both just a little bit goofy."

Haruhi Fujioka (Ouran Highschool Hostclub)

"She gets into a rich kid school and immediately goes into debt. Constantly annoyed by rich kid problems (including but not limited to: buying them instant coffee instead of expensive ground coffee). She’s supportive but doesn’t let them walk all over her. The whole show revolves around everyone thinking she’s actually a boy just because she has short hair and wears the boys uniform instead of the girls one— and that’s relatable because i wouldn’t want to wear the girls uniform either it’s not great"

Shinji Ikari (Evangelion)

"THE LAST 2 EPISODES OF THE SERIES??? holy shit I've never actually related to some fictional character so much. his self image, attitude, emotions, decisions, relationships, etc; he's just. me. that's not even funny. also thank god this thing is anonymous i would've delete my blog outa shame"

#animorphs tobias #animorphs #isaac o'connor #paranatural #trisana chandler #emelan #sokka #avatar the last airbender #haruhi fujioka #ouran high school host club #shinji ikari #neon genesis evangelion #preliminaries #tumblr polls #tumblr tournament #character bracket #character tournament

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animebw · 9 months

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The Anime Binge-Watcher's Queer Anime Ship Tournament!

The second round rages on! And good lord, this one is going to leave blood in the streets no matter who comes out on top. Will the victory go to Kawoshin or Kumirei? Cast your votes now!

All Round 2 Match-Ups

Rules and Full Bracket

#neon genesis evangelion #evangelion #nge #hibike! euphonium #hibike euphonium #sound! euphonium #sound euphonium #shinji ikari #kaworu nagisa #kumiko oumae #reina kousaka #kawoshin #kumirei #queer anime #queer anime ship poll #QP round 2 #anime #the anime binge-watcher #tabw

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letsgetreadytotumble · 1 year

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2023 TUMBLR LITTLEST MEOW MEOW ROUND 2 MASTER POST

• DVD DIVA (Emperor Kuzco vs. Howl Jenkins Pendragon)

WINNER: HOWL JENKINS PENDRAGON

Final Score: 49-51 3,431 total votes

• BLUE NO MATTER WHO (Lapis Lazuli vs. James)

WINNER: JAMES

Final Score: 25-75 3,843 total votes

• LAW VS OUTLAW (Arthur Morgan vs. Phoenix Wright)

Final Score: 25-75 3,843 total votes

WINNER: PHOENIX WRIGHT

Final Score: 30-70 3,980 total votes

• FIRST-PLACE PLAYER-TWO (Spamton vs. Luigi)

Final Score: 30-70 3,980 total votes

WINNER: LUIGI

Final Score: 36-64 4,637 total votes

• KING OF THE CRAZIES (Nagito Komaeda vs. Will Graham)

Final Score: 36-64 4,637 total votes

WINNER: WILL GRAHAM

Final Score: 42-58 3,788 total votes

• ULTIMATE EDGELORD (Anakin Skyewalker vs. Shadow the Hedgehog)

WINNER: SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG

Final Score: 33-67 4,019 total votes

• GOTH GIRL FAIL FATHERS (The Ice King vs. Doctor Heinz Doofenshmirtz)

WINNER: DOCTOR HEINZ DOOFENSHMIRTZ

Final Score: 25-75 7,094 total votes

• PRINCE OF PATHETIC (Harry Du Bois vs. Shinji Ikari)

WINNER: HARRY DU BOIS

Final Score: 63-37 6,067 total votes

ROUND 1 LINEUP AND RESULTS HERE

CLICK HERE FOR THE FULL BRACKET

#Littlest meow meow #littlest meow meow round 2 #poll #polls #bracket #brackets #tumblr

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ravenexy · 2 years

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“you’re afraid of the shinji ikari that’s in others”

i fuckinf love how this was conceptualized. how there are several versions of ourselves, one in each person we know, and how we are afraid of the version of us in others, how they view us, how they feel about us, the version of us they’re acquainted with, and how different it is from the version of us that someone else may know.

“i’m afraid of being disliked by others” “no, you’re afraid of you being hurt”

why does it matter that one is perceived by others? why does it matter that others may form opinions based on your character if it did not hurt? you are not afraid of the disliking or judging itself. you are afraid of the aftermath of hurt and rejection. the isolating feeling of not being good enough, of wondering what did you did wrong. of the question, “can i ever be loved?”

“we cant pick enjoyable parts of our lives to daisy chain together”

though we might wish it day after day, for it is no more than a vacant aspiration. to erase parts of our lives is to erase parts of ourselves, for the better or the worse. i genuinely adore the conceptualization of everything in this show and i’ll forveer cry over it

#evangelion shinji #shinji #shinji ikari #neon genesis kaworu #kaworu nagisa #kawoshin #neon genesis evangelion #evangelion anime #evangelion asuka #neon evangelion #neon genesis shinji #rei #misato katsuragi

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hollowboobtheory · 5 months

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joe biden

Sexuality Headcanon: he's a bi king clearly

Gender Headcanon: miku binder

A ship I have with said character: ik it's basic and predictable but jobama love me somem old man yaoi

A BROTP I have with said character: love how he and michelle get along no need for jeaousy here <3

A NOTP I have with said character: shinji ikari. sorry guys that's just too much of an age gap for me to get behind no judgement tho

A random headcanon: i don't think he knows how to drive

General Opinion over said character: ppl keep saying he can be pressured more than the republicans and thats why we have to vote for him no matter what but i don't see how loudly insisting at every turn that you're gonna continue to vote for him no matter what is pressuring him to do shit. just say you wont. make him sweat a lil

#beck rambles #ask game

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takerfoxx · 3 months

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All right, one of the main things I talk about on this blog are ships, so here's a quick rundown of my favorites.

Kyoko Sakura/Sayaka Miki (Puella Magi Madoka Magica

Ah, KyoSaya, my beloved. What can I say about them? Let's start with how they are each other's perfect foils, with several important similarities to draw them together while several major differences to keep that spicy clashing. They are the perfect example of soulmates, two characters who, when in opposition, constantly get worse and worse, but when they're on the same page, they bring out each other's best qualities. Not bad for a relationship that started with mutual murder attempts and had a murder/suicide as its midpoint!

Canon? Eh, sort of. Obviously, PMMM likes to skirt the line, but they definitely knew what they were doing. So, not officially confirmed canon, more of, "And they were roommates!"

2. Suletta Mercury/Miorine Rembran (Gundam: the Witch from Mercury)

You know a pairing is strong when it's the most recent one but also rocketed up to the number two spot.

Suletta and Miorine are opposites attracting in its purest form. The socially anxious and all loving country girl and the cold and cynical corporate heiress, these two are such fundamentally different people that if it weren't for the bizarre circumstances that brought them together, they probably wouldn't even be friends. But they were brought together, and as the grew to understand one another and got closer, both they and we found just how much they had in common, and how perfectly they complemented one another, with each of their strengths covering the other's weaknesses.

Canon? Absolutely. They're married, bitches! No further interpretation needed!

3. Shinji Ikari/Asuka Langley/Rei Ayanami (Neon Genesis Evangelion)

The one poly ship I am absolutely feral over, AsuShinRei (or the Israfel Special) are an example of a ship that cannot work in canon, would absolutely be a terrible idea in canon, but man, don't you wish you lived in the world where it would work? For as toxic, avoidant, and abusive these three are to each other, their respective traumas and personalities are such that if they could get just the slightest bit better and reach out to one another instead of pushing each other away, they would click so wonderfully well. Alas, it is not meant to be.

Canon? Lol, no.

4. Princess Entrapta/Hordak (She-Ra and the Princesses of Power)

I debated putting this one so high up over the heavy hitters that it sits atop upon, but at the end of the day, as a grumpy autistic introvert, these two just meant so much to me. It's like each represents different aspects of my personality, and watching them interact made me feel seen in a way I didn't even know I needed.

Canon? Kind of. At the very least, they're extremely close friends with a possibility for romance.

5. Luz Noceda/Amity Blight (The Owl House)

I had a real hard time choosing whether this or Catradora should take the number five spot, but while Catradora has that wonderful enemies to lovers with so much delicious angst, Lumity edges it out by being the rare pairing that got together at the midpoint, letting us actually see their relationship build and grow instead of ending on them getting together, and it was wonderful.

Canon? Absolutely.

6. Adora/Catra (She-Ra and the Princesses of Power)

But let's not take anything away from Catradora. I love enemies to lovers. It's that spice of conflict between two people that are at constant odds but also deeply understand one another better than their friends do that makes all the difference, and them being former best friends just pushes it over the edge. You can feel how much they care, no matter how often or how violently they fought, and Catra being pulled back from the brink and the two finally being honest with their feelings was so cathartic.

Canon? Hell yeah.

7. Nanoha Tamamachi/Fate Testarossa (Lyrical Nanoha)

An oldie but a goodie. Nanoha and Fate are probably my first real ship, and set the standard for many of my ships to come. Enemies to lovers, close personal relationship, battle couple, whole nine yards. And while it predates me truly getting into shipping, meaning I'm not as gaga over them as I am the others, you have got to respect those who paved the way.

Canon? Basically. I mean, the time period and culture prevented them from outright saying it, but come on.

8. Marisa Kirisame/Alice Margatroid (Touhou)

To be honest, I don't ship/ship these two like I do the others. More of, I read a lot of really touching doujins about these two when I was first getting into Touhou and I like their dynamic. But like NanoFate, you have to give it up to the OG's.

Canon? Nah.

And any other ships fall into "I liked them when I was a kid, but feel really weird talking about them as an adult" or "MC x Best Girl in a harem series, but does that really count?" or stuff that I like but don't feel strongly enough about them to include.

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renadactyl · 3 months

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“Obedience”

𝕎𝕣𝕚𝕥𝕥𝕖𝕟 𝕓𝕪 ℝ𝕖𝕟𝕒𝕕𝕒𝕔𝕥𝕪𝕝 (ℝ𝕖𝕟/𝕎𝕚𝕝𝕝𝕚𝕒𝕞) (𝕙𝕖/𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕪/𝕚𝕥)

𝕂𝕒𝕨𝕠𝕣𝕦 ℕ𝕒𝕘𝕚𝕤𝕒 𝕩 𝕊𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕛𝕚 𝕀𝕜𝕒𝕣𝕚

𝕋𝕎: 𝕞𝕖𝕟𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟 𝕠𝕗 𝕞𝕒𝕛𝕠𝕣 𝕔𝕙𝕒𝕣𝕒𝕔𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝕕𝕖𝕒𝕥𝕙

(𝟟𝟘𝟝 𝕨𝕠𝕣𝕕𝕤)

Febuwhump Day 4: “Obedience”

Kaworu and Shinji are forced into the cycle of Shinji being guilty for Kaworu’s death every time all because of Kaworu being obedient to his life’s mission — all of this discussed over a session of innocent cuddles.

Not proofread!

Kaworu was sure that this cycle would end up being his favorite by far. He was confused about what he was feeling, but he knew that it was different. It felt like it was a good kind of different though.

He hummed a soft tune while he moved his fingers through Shinji’s hair, calming the boy after a nightmare. They were sharing a sleeping bag, content to cuddle through the terrifying night. In the arms of each other, they could almost forget everything. Kaworu didn’t know how he could get so lucky in this cycle.

“Kaworu…” Shinji’s tired voice broke the comfortable semi-silence of the room, causing Kaworu to pause his humming.

“Shinji?” He asked delicately, like a mother comforting a lost child. “I had assumed that you were asleep. What wakened you?” His eyes gazed lovingly upon Shinji as he asked his question.

With a tired yawn, Shinji responded in a mumble, “mmm… just can’t go back to sleep after that.” As he spoke, he pulled Kaworu closer to him, resting his head further against his lover’s chest.

“Interesting. What might be the cause of that? Is it that you don’t want to go back to sleep due to a fear of the nightmare returning? Or perhaps you are thinking too much?”

“Thinking… I guess. About what you said earlier. If it’s true or not.”

Kaworu’s smile fell a bit as he remembered. He had taken the risky approach in the new cycle of telling Shinji the truth. He had explained everything about the cycles, leaving out (of course) that he was an Angel. He wasn’t ready to take that step yet. He knew what would happen after that step, and for some reason he wanted to stay in the world he was in a bit longer.

Noticing that Kaworu had fallen silent, Shinji’s eyes opened a bit more, showing him his sleepy eyes. “Kaworu?” He mumbled out his lover’s name in question.

“Yes… it is true. I cannot explain it though,” Kaworu answered. Half of his response was a lie. He could explain it simply with the fact that he was an Angel.

“Is there any factor that remains the same throughout all the cycles? Is there any way to break you out of that? It doesn’t sound all that nice to be in a way immortal.”

Kaworu laughed very lightly at Shinji’s innocence. He was thankful he had learned how to laugh long ago during some cycle, for it always seemed to relax the lilins that heard it. “It isn’t very nice,” Kaworu admitted gently, “but there is no way to break through the cycles. Do trust me, Shinj Ikari, for I have tried. No matter how different the cycles are and no matter what I change, it always ends the same.”

With a sad expression, Shinji squirmed underneath the sleeping bag and curled up against Kaworu more. Shinji muttered out his next words despite them being muffled by his face up against his chest. “But aren’t you just tired of obedience to this cycle? Shouldn’t you just keep on trying?”

The room fell into an uncomfortable silence as Kaworu thought to himself. He knew more than Shinji possibly could. Shinji was smart, sure, but Kaworu was wise. “There is no way out of this. I cannot assure you enough. I have simply resigned myself to the inevitable in order to avoid all possible disappointments.”

“That’s depressing,” Shinji shot back before resuming a more caring and soft tone. “Can’t you find happiness in one thing at least?”

Kaworu smiled softly, trying to force his mind to think he’s happy by grinning. After all, all he needed to feel happy was Shinji’s happiness. He knew that to be true. It had to be true. Shinji’s happiness was his happiness. “You. I find happiness in you.”

Shinji, not knowing the weight of those words, only fell into a speechless and flustered silence. He thought that was Kaworu’s attempt at being flirtatious.

However, they both knew the cycle would continue. Kaworu knew that he’d remain obedient to it and would never break free: destined to love and perish over and over again with no end. The chains holding him down were never going to break.

#kawoshin #kaworu #kaworu nagisa #nge #neon genesis evangelion #shinji ikari #kaworu x shinji #nge shinji #febuwhump #oneshot

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ohsuchoh · 23 days

Text

Some thoughts on Bucchigiri?!

As I write this, Bucchigiri?! is about to release its last episode

Arajin from Bucchigiri?!

First things first. I have a weird feeling about the cultural appropriation of stereotypical arab "aesthetics" thing here. But it's a complex matter that I'm not addressing now, I have to educate myself more to talk properly about it. Though, as I've seen other people say, it seems Utsumi is following the original plot of 1001 Nights and I think I understand why she chose it. The original Aladdim is a horrible person, the perfect matrix for a selfish, coward and irritating Arajin - a main character who is the opposite of the shonen hero trope. Almost as hated as Shinji Ikari from Evangelion - a much older and bigger project. By the way, I see some references to Evangelion and other classical anime across Utsumi's works and this is something I would like to address in the future.

Another topic is that I had already noticed with Sk8 the Infinity how interesting Utsumi's approach on masculinity is, especially queer masculinity. No wonder a considerable part of the sk8 fanbase is masc-oriented, either trans men or non-binary people. Now, with Bucchigiri?!, masculinity seems to be the central topic of the work. I wanna write more about it in a future post. Please mind that I don't take too much into consideration protocol, evasive answers in interviews. Rather, I prefer to study the author's work, worldbuilding, plot and characters, using interviews only as a side consultation sometimes. I'm not immune to misunderstandings and confirmation bias, though, so take my analyses with a grain of salt.

This post started to get too long, so I decided to break it into a series of shorter texts. I intend to update this main post with the links to the other ones (if I happen to have time and energy to write them). Mind that I'm not doing extensive research. It's just a collection of thoughts that may or may not make sense. For me, well posed questions are more interesting than categorical and definitive answers.

Mahoro as all women

Sk8 the Infinity: a beef parallel

Katabasis and tragedy in Bucchigiri?!

Masculinity as a central topic of Utsumi's works

#bucchigiri?!#anime #hiroko utsumi #analyses #sk8 the infinity #masculinity

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