#or possibly get jyn to gut draven for me
Note
39 + 87 + rebelcaptain
survival/wilderness + aroused by the sound of her voice
always had high, high hopes
It could be worse was the first thing Kay had said after the meeting that officially declared he had been put under Cassian’s jurisdiction. The one they got after Cassian had to convince Intelligence and the members of the Council that walking into the Rebel base with a reprogrammed Imperial enforcer droid was a good idea.
It could be worse, Kay had said, they could’ve dismantled me down for parts and had you demoted.
Intelligence agents don’t get demoted, Cassian had replied. We get burned.
Oh. Kay had sounded like he was recalculating his formulas. Not much worse, then.
Since then, it became a kind of mantra Cassian had adopted. It could be worse. That was what he told himself when times became darker and harder. Things could be worse. He could be dead. It was always easier to feel a little better about your immediate situation when you weren’t irreversibly dead.
After… well, everything, he had made the mistake of saying such around his team (his people, his network, his rogues). Then of course, inevitably, someone (Bodhi, Kay, Baze, Jyn) would start listing all the ways it could be worse. They could be stuck on a swamp planet. Bodhi could be missing another arm. Baze could lose all his guns, and the spare grenades. Jyn might miss the evening meal. The suggestions would become increasingly more and more ridiculous as time went by and they stretched their imaginations (which were truly considerable) to the limit. It became a game, a slightly morbid one perhaps, but one that amused them at least, and allowed for them to gently tease Cassian out of his darker moods. Of course, someone would eventually trump them all with pointing out, We could all be dead on Scarif. And then game would end, at least until the next time someone said, It could be worse.
Cassian was trying to remind himself of that now. Things could be worse.
He and Jyn were on an uninhabited (hopefully) forest moon, true. They were laying low from the Imperials searching for them, that was nothing new. Practically routine. It would be about seventy-two standard hours before their ship came into orbit and Kay and Bodhi could reach them. They had food and shelter and it wasn’t raining anything other than water outside their little cave. Frankly, Cassian had survived on less than that.
If it wasn’t in a Force-be-damned cave, then he might’ve gone so far as to say he had definitely had worse.
But it was a cave, and anything that wasn’t in the immediate city proper was outside of his experience and thus Cassian hated it. None of his training had covered wilderness survival. He had been placed solely in cities and military bases and maybe an outpost or two, if he was unlucky. He had never needed to learn to survive in anything other than outside the law and within the Empire, and that was hard enough by anyone’s standards.
This was probably what kept Jyn from needling him too much about his (entirely deserved) grousing. When it was established that they were stuck here for the next seventy-two hours, Jyn had simply nodded, and said, “Time to find shelter.” In the time it took for Cassian to try to set up a transmitter and send Kay the needed coordinates, Jyn had found them a cave, wove a curtain of vines together to disguise the opening, found firewood and then headed out and returned with this particular moon’s species of fish. Somehow she’d gotten wet wood to catch flame and was now comfortably cooking what she’d neatly gutted and cleaned out of her catch.
Cassian could only blink at her.
Jyn raised her head, caught his bemused stare. “What?” she asked. “I learned with Saw. He was pretty empathetic about it, actually.”
“I can see that,” Cassian said finally. “How did you get the fire to catch?”
“I keep a little bit of flint in my pack at all times,” Jyn replied. “Plus, I used your spare flimsy.”
Cassian’s head snapped up at that, only to see Jyn’s grin flash like silver in the gloom. “Very funny,” he said flatly, in much the same tone of voice he used when Kay was attempting to be comforting or encouraging.
“I thought so,” Jyn replied comfortably, giving the fish a little tweak. “I only used my spare flimsy.”
The fish was good. Better than good, though Cassian had privately wished he could have a little pepper, maybe some spices to season it. He had given Jyn some of his closely hoarded supply of coarse salt for the fish, a small packet he kept on his person at all times. Along with roasted in the embers an edible root Jyn had also found and brought back, it was, all in all, not the worst meal Cassian had ever had.
“Are we starting the I’ve-had-it-worse game again?” Jyn asked as she smoored the fire. “You’ve got that look on.”
“I can think of other things to do,” Cassian said, mostly for the form of it.
“Mmm.” Jyn settled down comfortably. “Better string them out, if we’re here for the next seventy-two hours.”
“I have my datapad,” Cassian said, his eyes drifting closed. The sound of the rain was soothing, the smell of woodsmoke and fish comforting, and Jyn’s voice a pleasant hum in his ear. “I could get some coding done.”
A chuckle escaped Jyn. “With what signal?”
He opened his eyes then to give her a look, which just made her chuckle again. “City boy spy.”
“Civilized,” he grumbled, not with any real heat.
“I can’t believe you never had any wilderness training,” Jyn said, stretching out in the heat of the fire like a lazy felid. “My next training for the Pathfinders is going to cover that.”
“Poor bastards,” Cassian murmured, just to hear Jyn’s chuckle again, a sound he valued more than the beep of a transmitting code, the whirr of a well-programmed droid, a whisper in the crowd, Fulcrum, freedom and rebellion一 “And I wasn’t stationed in the wilderness; there was no use for me there. I was more useful in the cities.”
“Useful,” Jyn echoed, and then shook her head. “It was still short-sighted and ill-prepared. When you write the report for Draven, you can tell him I said so.”
“He’ll take it under due consideration,” Cassian replied and Jyn snorted.
A companionable silence fell between them for a moment, until Jyn tilted her head back to glance outside. “We’re going to have to share body heat once nightfall comes.” Her profile was averted to him and her voice now dispassionate, which might explain why Cassian’s initial response was an absentminded “Hmm.” Then when what she said registered, he let out a startled, “Pardon?”
“Body heat,” Jyn repeated, now stubbornly facing away from him. Hiding a blush? The rich light of the fire made it hard to tell. “Plus the bedding. The ground’s not going to do your spine or leg any favors,” she added with a scowl in her voice. Any mention of his bad leg or back always made Jyn glare like she’d like to make the misbehaving tendons and bones work for him, or else. “And I don’t know how much the temperature is going to drop between now and nightfall. Probably a few degrees, enough to make us uncomfortable. So it’s only practical.”
Cassian felt himself automatically move to wet his lips before checking that tic. Never mind she couldn’t see it. “I’ll trust you then.”
Now Jyn did look at him, straight through the firelight and into his eyes. “I know.” The words vibrated with the seriousness of the statement, and how Jyn was going to follow through with it with every fiber of her being. The dim red gold light make her look gilded and shadowed, something wrought from gold and onyx and ivory.
Cassian gave an involuntary head shake. This what came of being in caves. They stripped away all your common sense.
*
The night came on, and Jyn’s prediction about the temperature came true. It was more than enough to make them uncomfortable and to break out the temperature conserving blankets. Jyn had layered their bedding as much as she could and rolled up their jackets to use as blankets and pillows, as needed. One thing they both knew all too well in this life of theirs was to sleep whenever it was offered to them. Jyn slept facing the fire, and Cassian’s back to the right wall of the cave so that they both faced the entrance. He ran warmer than Jyn, who always seemed to be a degree or two cooler than everyone else. There was some awkward fumblingーwhere to put his arm, where she could rest her head. But they managed it. Cassian could smell the woodsmoke clinging to her hair, the weave of her scarf under his head. He kept himself as still as possible behind her, resting on his good hip.
It didn’t feel like his life, this part, this small island of quiet. His life was shadows and hard edges and smog filled skylines. It wasn’t the smell of rain and the warmth of a fire on his face and Jyn resting on his arm.
This wasn’t his life. It was just a respite.
*
Cassian woke slowly, only to find that the fire must’ve died down at some point during the night. That would be the only plausible reason for why Jyn was currently so thoroughly entangled with him that he couldn’t tell his arms and legs from hers.
It was either still dark or almost dawn. That strange, unreal, dreamlike time when the edges of the world were misty and indistinct. It could be worse, he tried to tell himself, registering Jyn’s warmth and her slow, steady breathing. The way her cheek rested on his arm. How relaxed and soft she was in sleep, such a contrast to her waking self. Things could definitely be worse一
Jyn let out a sigh, a little sleepy sound of pure contentment, snuggled back into him, her rear fit so snugly against his hips that he almost choked.
He did not want to think about any other time Jyn might make that noise. He absolutely did not want to imagine what other circumstances could possibly arise一
Shut up, Cassian told himself only somewhat frantically. Just shut. Up. He wasn’t some over eager teen falling all over himself over a member of the opposite sex--
Jyn rolled over in his arms, somehow one leg sliding between his, blowing all of Cassian’s rational thought to pieces. Another soft sigh, warm breath brushing against his neck, her left leg slung over his hips一who knew Jyn was a cuddler? Not him. He hadn’t even given himself permission to imagine what Jyn was like when she was asleep一
This is a dream, Cassian thought. It was arguably the worst (best) dream he’d had in awhile, so he might as well enjoy it while it lasted, and hoard the memory for the dark nights and shadowed days.
Jyn sleeping peacefully in his arms, soft sighs in his ear, warmth against his skin, the sound of rain and a quiet place untouched by anything bad or hard and dark一
Another sleepy sound, almost like a moan as she tried to get comfortable against him, tugging his arm to better adjust it for her head…
Don’t let me wake up, Cassian thought. Please, ancestors, the Force, whoever is running this forsaken galaxy, don’t let me wake up. Let me keep this, I have asked for so little for all my life, and this isn’t the worst thing that’s ever happened to me, it’s probably the best, please let me keep it…
Jyn sighed against his neck, shifted slowly and languorously, her lashes falling and rising against his skin. “Cass…?” her voice was a low, husky rasp, one that made his blood run hot and fierce and what time was it even? Was this still a dream somehow?
In the dim light, he could see Jyn waking herself up, getting her bearings again. Her eyes flicked down to take in their entwined limbs and then back up to his face. Unconsciously his arms tightened around her, and then loosened again immediately. If she didn’t want to be there, then he wasn’t going to keep her there, he would never do anything against her express wishes if he could possibly help it.
“Cass,” she repeated in a whisper. If she wasn’t comfortable in this clench, there was no sign of it in her voice. But her eyes were watchful. “How’s your back?”
“I think it’s fine,” he whispered back. It felt too early to speak.
Jyn was quiet for a second or two, her fingers flexing against him. “You need to… do you have to go?” he asked still in a whisper.
“No,” she whispered back. “Do you?”
Never, ever, they could kill me here and I would die content, only you’d never allow that一
“No,” he said. “I don’t.”
They lay there in the dim, the world a very great distance away.
“We don’t have to go anywhere,” Jyn said softly. “We can just stay here… just for a little while.”
“Yes,” Cassian agreed. This was, after all, a very nice dream. “Let’s just stay here.”
The corners of her mouth lifted into a smile, a smile Cassian had once thought he would die to earn, and maybe still would.
“You make for a very good pillow,” she murmured, her body utterly relaxed along the length of his. “Best sleep I’ve had in awhile.”
Cassian was silent for a moment, gathering his thoughts. “Me too,” he said back, almost too low to hear. But she heard it. Of course she did.
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Static in the Signal: Chapter 4
SO, this chapter took forever, and I’m sorry! It was surprisingly hard to write, despite the fact that it contains the very first scene I envisioned when I started planning this fic. I wrote a version of it over a year ago! And then another. And then another. And this is kind of a combination of all of those versions.
Anyway. Really hoping to get the ball rolling on this and get updates out faster. Fingers crossed!!!
[AO3]
Draven’s office was a small, high-ceilinged square that lay down a blunted corridor, past one end of CIC. It was sparse, functional. The walls were rough and snow-touched. The overhead light was fickle, like so many other lights, in so many other parts of base. He could have gotten something better, if he’d wanted to; some of the other members of High Command certainly had. But that wasn’t who he was.
Jyn stood at ease, in front of his desk. She felt strange. She didn’t particularly like him, and she knew that he didn’t particularly like her, but he’d seen that she could be useful and get a job done, and so he was fair toward her. That was fine. It wasn’t ideal -- irritating, if she were being honest -- but it was fine. Decent, even, as far as working conditions went. Still, the skin along her temples ran tight. He was holding a datachip. It contained the anomaly she’d found. She hadn’t had a choice; she couldn’t very well not report it, not without potentially arousing suspicion. But handing it over… If he was part of the enemy, then she’d just given them a means to cover their tracks.
Dangerous path to venture down, that. It was Saw-think -- the paranoia that had frightened her more and more as she’d neared her end with him, that had blossomed in full by the time they’d reunited on Jedha; that had found its own twisted voice in the version of her that had wandered, aimless, homeless, and hopeless. But how could she not go down it? It had been a warning, when Cassian had mentioned Draven last night. Different context, sure, but the overall implication was pretty clear.
She wondered how he managed this, how he handled the duality of thought. She wondered what he was doing right now. She was mad at him; she wanted to see him. She needed to talk to him about this, about what was happening, about what she’d found, about what she’d had to do with it. She needed to confront him. He shouldn’t have shielded her like that. He shouldn’t have acted like her CO. How could he not act like her CO when, at the time, he had technically been her CO? What the hell had she expected him to do? Treat her differently just because they were together? What did that even mean, really? Force, she was all screwed up.
A thought occurred to her. It made her feel queasy. She pushed it aside.
“What’s the duration?”
“0.19 seconds,” Jyn said. Then, almost as an afterthought: “sir.”
He sighed, planted an elbow on the desk, and leaned into his hand. Pressed his forefinger to the side of his nose, curled the rest of his fist around his chin. The light dimmed, for a long spell, and when it came back up, it glinted off the chip. “I doubt we’ll get much from it,” he said, “but I’ll have A9G-57 analyze it.”
Well, that was something. Maybe.
Draven rubbed the chip with his thumb. “During the breach...” He tapped his nose, once, twice. “Toward the end of the outage?”
“Yes. Probably wouldn’t have picked it up, otherwise.”
“Mm.” He fell silent for a moment. Then, he nodded, and let his hand drop, and put the chip down. “Regardless what we’re able to make of the transmission itself, it’s good to have caught it. Well done.” It almost sounded like he meant it. Not that she cared.
He bent forward, over his desk and his datapad and a small stack of flimsi. She watched him, and waited. There was a way, if they really needed to, to get the message back. She couldn’t be the one to get it; that’d raise an army of red flags. And it might not even matter, anyway. To a certain extent, it was enough to know simply that it existed. But Cassian needed every scrap of information she could get for him (she’d keep doing it, she needed to, she had to be useful, she could handle herself and he shouldn’t have put himself in harm’s way), and beyond that, the state of the message after it was passed to the droid would be telling. She hoped she’d be able to tell that it had been altered.
She caught herself, swallowed. Here she was, already assuming it would be altered. Dangerous mindset, easy to slip into.
Draven was still hunched over when he spoke again. He was writing. He did not look at her. “It’s my understanding that you were at the South Passage this morning.”
The shift was jarring. She drew in a sharp breath. Heat spread through her chest and crept up her neck. A prickle of anxiety, drifting in the center of a surge of anger. Are you kidding me. It was a neutral statement, dropped all on its own. No preamble, no further explanation, nothing, and yet she knew. She knew exactly what he meant. And for all that she’d expected it -- for all that the thought of it had brought her up short at the edge of Cassian’s quarters -- it still struck hard enough that she struggled to keep her features neutral. It was one thing for a peer like Voya to give them looks, and another altogether for General kriffing Draven to point it out.
She gritted her teeth. “I was.”
“You spend a lot of time in that part of base.”
Her anger swelled, straightening her already rigid back, and her thoughts turned over. People talked, of course, and it was part of his job to know everything he reasonably could about what went on on base, so it didn’t necessarily mean that she was being watched. But, oh, it sure sounded a hell of a lot like she was being watched. Combine that with the assignment he’d given Cassian, and… What else did he know? What else had his people seen her doing? Several caustic retorts ran through her head. She clenched her jaw and didn’t say them.
Took a lot of effort.
At length, he stopped writing. He looked back up at her and interlaced his fingers, elbows at angles, forearms pressed against the desk. “It’s none of my business who you see when you’re off-duty, Erso.”
No shit.
“But I’d advise you to exercise caution.”
In an instant, the heat dissipated. It sped off down her spine. She felt her expression change, despite her best efforts; felt her forehead crease. Felt a click in the back of her head. Her eyes slid to the datachip, then snapped back to him. She watched his gaze shift upwards, to one corner, and then to the other. They made eye contact. He held it. The air thickened. The light spat out an electric buzz.
Slowly, she nodded.
He looked at her for a moment longer before unclasping his hands and dipping his head, returning his attention to his desk. “Thank you for bringing this to my attention.” Writing, again. Detached. “You’re dismissed.”
For a handful of seconds, she hesitated. That wasn’t at all what she’d expected. Her legs were heavy. But she moved them, forcing herself to turn to the door.
She didn’t bother to salute. He wouldn’t see it, anyway.
...the hell?
The door swished shut behind her. She was dazed. She had trouble making sense of what had just happened, trouble figuring out how to feel. She already had enough crap to work through. She shook her head, lifted her wrist. Twenty minutes until her patrol shift started. Enough time to log out of her Comms station and beat feet to the hangar. She walked, fast. A rebel in the passage scoffed and stepped out of her way.
Her breaths came slow and deliberate. They might be able to rule him out. That was good, wasn’t it? It would be good for Cassian; it would help him, in more ways than one. But Draven had given her another warning on top of the one she’d already gotten, and she really didn’t like the thrust of it.
If he was clean, then he was on Cassian’s side, not hers. She didn’t matter, except as a possible obstacle. It was reassuring and familiar (when had she ever mattered? Being her father’s daughter didn’t count, because that wasn’t about her). It was also a stone in her gut.
She squinted into the dark of Communications. The others there weren’t looking at her. Discretion, and all that. Maybe someone would ask her later, in the passages or in the mess, if they were that sort, and if they got up the nerve. A couple of them were okay with her, had been among those who’d given her a smile and a clap on the back in the days after Scarif. Sometimes, they even said hello. She’d have to think of something to tell them.
Did Draven suspect someone in particular? Was it general? Knots, tight and pulling tighter. He wasn’t the only one watching. Over the years, her restlessness had gotten her into a jam or two, to put it mildly. But she wasn’t an idiot. She wouldn’t have been able to survive for so long if she was. She always checked and double-checked and minimized, when possible. But apparently, in this case, it wasn’t enough.
If I can’t do it…
That queasy feeling again. She had to talk to Cassian. She was terrified of talking to Cassian, because it was seeming more and more like she’d have to back off. The worst of it was that it wouldn’t even have to be a practical consideration. He’d shown that earlier. He could decide it was too risky because he didn’t want her to be at risk, and he could ask her to lay low almost as a favor, and that wouldn’t be the same, but it would have the same effect. Sure, they’d still see each other, but it would be the start. She knew how these things went.
In the end, either way, she’d wind up alone again.
The passages were cramped from the shift change, and she drew in on herself and flattened her profile, navigating the bodies with long-practiced ease. She buzzed, like she’d chugged a gallon of caf, with the tense kind of energy that set most people to pacing and drove her to get punched or shot at or locked up. It was the strange, delicate irony of her life, that she was both smart enough to survive and also, seemingly, determined to find a way to die. And that was supposed to be the point of all of this. Finding something between the two extremes. Living for something else, the way she’d once done, if she drifted back far enough, before Tamsye Prime, and parsed through all the crap. Well, part of that something was Cassian. Part of it was repaying his steadfastness, being there when he needed her. Or just...being.
Kriff.
She needed to get her brain to slow down. She needed physical movement. She forced herself to think of the patrol route, of the endless plains and mountains of ice, of the cold and the quiet. She wasn’t a particular fan of any of it, but she’d be active, once she was out there, and she’d have a focus, and she could breathe fresh air and find any number of tactile things to occupy her mind and senses. It’d get her straightened out. Maybe. Hopefully.
At least she wouldn’t be bent over a console.
She reached the hangar with three minutes to spare. The quartermaster’s was nearly as crowded as the corridors had been, and she found herself tapping the ball of her foot as she waited to collect a set of outer gear. Personnel brushed past her, some briefly catching her eye, then looking away. Hard to say the reason for it, but she knew that, at the moment, she probably didn’t look terribly friendly.
It was after she’d collected a subzero jacket, a mask, and a pair of goggles that her assigned partner approached her. His stance was wide, and his shoulders were rolled forward, and he was already buckled into his coat (his own coat, not a shared one from general supply), the one that, save for the color, reminded her of Cassian’s. Good thing, she thought, that she wouldn’t have to look at it for long.
In greeting, she flicked her jaw toward him. “Solo.”
“Erso.” He flashed her a quick, lopsided, not-quite-smile.
“Surprised you’re not patrolling with Skywalker.” She’d frowned when she’d seen his name beside hers. She didn’t have a problem with him (he knew what he was doing well enough, if you could get past the cockiness and the snark -- materially little different from the other smugglers she’d known in her lifetime), but she didn’t expect to work with him. They ran in different circles and lived on different shifts.
“He’s running exercises with Rogue Squadron.”
Jyn’s chest tightened, and so did her fists. Her next breath was shallow and hard. Two words, halting, uttered by a man she would have liked to get to know, echoed in her skull.
She swallowed. Turned her head, shrugged on the coat. “I see.” Moved her fingers over the fastens, cinched the belts, the uppermost one digging into her ribs. It was a poor fit, like her issued thermal, but it wasn’t as if there were many to spare, and it was the closest available to her size. She wasn’t going to complain. After all, she at least had access to a coat. In fact, she had access to two different ones, and one of them she even got to keep with her own stuff. Quite the luxury.
She started walking, gloves cradled in her arm, mask and goggles hooked over her fingers. Han fell into step beside her. A man passed them going in the opposite direction, clutching a datapad, head bowed, and Solo twisted sideways, avoiding contact with both the stranger and Jyn.
“I’ve been meaning to talk to you, anyway,” he said. “This makes it less of a hassle.”
She glanced at him. They had interacted very little, in their time on Echo -- enough to each get something of the measure of the other, and not much more. She’d seen him in passing, and heard talk about him (and, boy, did people talk), but that, of course, was different. She couldn’t think of any reason for him to want to talk to her, and she didn’t have any reason to seek him out, either. And she certainly couldn’t think of any reason why he’d do what she was pretty sure he’d just implied he’d done.
“Don’t see how. Unless you plan on hugging my ass and making this take twice as long.” In truth, she wouldn’t mind being out there longer than necessary, but that was neither here nor there.
He huffed. “Very funny.”
“Sure.”
They had emerged into the hangar proper, and were within a few meters of the shield door, which was wide open. At the threshold, a handful of fresh powder caught on a gust, spiralled upward, nearly struck the ceiling before collapsing and fluttering back down. Jyn heard a low bray. She turned to see a handler leading over a pair of tauntauns.
“Look, let’s cut the crap and get on with it. You have a reputation…”
Heat, again. Rising up from the pit of her stomach. “So do you.”
He adjusted the tack on his tauntaun. “...so I went and read your file.”
The hell is this? She regarded the bright white expanse of Hoth with longing. Her skin was crawling, and every single person she came across today seemed to exist solely to needle or confuse her, or both, and her head was spinning, and she really, really needed to get outside and be alone.
“Oh?” She thrust her foot into a stirrup, grasped the pommel, hoisted herself up. The animal’s scent assaulted her nostrils.
“You’ve, uh, heard of the Pathfinders?”
Her head snapped to him. She’d hooked the strap of the goggles around the back of her head, and was starting to pull them down. They hovered, now, in hands that had gone still. Yes, she’d heard of them. She even knew a few of their names, from the winnowing she’d done for Cassian.
Solo was astride his own saddle and was tugging the edge of his hood into place. The fur spilled over his forehead. “You have a background in guerilla warfare, you have explosives and hand-to-hand combat training, you’re okay with a blaster, and you managed to sneak into an Imperial base. More than one, if you can believe Imp records.” He smiled in that lopsided way, again, but it stuck around longer this time. “You’d make a good fit.”
There was a second -- although it felt like much, much longer -- when she had no idea what to say, how to react. This was the second conversation she’d had in less than an hour that had veered off in an unexpected direction, and it felt a bit like getting whiplash. The intent behind his words resolved itself, and she decided that yes, yes, it was as she’d suspected: he’d gotten himself paired with her on purpose.
So, it appeared, he could try to recruit her.
Her hands started moving again. She settled the goggles over her eyes. “I already have a division.”
“C’mon, kid.”
Kid?
“Don’t tell me you like being in intel.”
The knots in her stomach tautened. She felt her anxiety like a plucked string, its vibrations flowing up and down and outward.
“What makes you think I don’t?” She didn’t, of course, most of the time. But that wasn’t why she was there.
“Call it a hunch.”
They were moving toward the door. The tauntaun’s gait was high and rough, even at a walk. In a certain sense, she was accustomed to it, but her thighs would ache later on, as they always did. She checked the frequency on her commlink, synced it with Solo’s, and reached up to her mask. His was already secured across the lower half of his face.
“So,” he said, voice muffled, “what do you say?”
Her heart thumped hard enough for her to hear it. He was right that it would be a good fit for her. It aligned with everything she’d been taught, with all of the things she’d done growing up and couldn’t stop doing once she’d been cut loose. It would be active. It would be an outlet.
She thought of Saw. She thought of a night, late, when she was 14, going to him with something, something she could no longer remember, but that she was pretty sure was some stupid teenage bantha fodder. He had meant to be alone. He was leaning forward. His hands were covering his face, and when he’d pulled them back, his eyes were wet, and so were his fingers.
She thought of Draven. She thought of silent footsteps, mirroring her own.
She thought of Cassian.
What if she had to back off? What if she couldn’t safely help him anymore?
What if he was okay with that?
Putting himself in harm’s way like a...
“I’ll think about it,” she said, securing her gloves. She needed to talk to Cassian.
Han nodded. “Well, don’t think too long. I don’t like being yanked around.”
She also needed this patrol. Kriff, her head was a mess, and she had to get it in order before she went and did something really stupid.
“Got a preference?”
They’d be splitting as soon as they were out the door, touching base from time to time, keeping comms open. This, she didn’t give a second thought to. Even with everything; even with her nerves fraying and her brain working overtime, with her lingering anger and her restlessness and her boredom and confusion and fear and astonishment and all the rest, the answer was obvious. The transmission had come during the breach. And she wasn’t out of the game just yet.
She couldn’t, wouldn’t stop trying.
“South,” she replied.
#rebelcaptain#jyssian#dailyrebelcaptain#therebelcaptainnetwork#wip#au#established relationship#;static#;fics and drabbles
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Rebelcaptain + 9 please and thank you! And congrats for the followers! (Screw the porn blogs)
Thanks! At this point I don’t bother deleting them - enjoy my shipper spam!
And here you go :)
A shout in a crowded street. Beads of sweat forming on his informant’s forehead. That old instinct tugging at his gut, telling him something was wrong.
And then all hell broke lose.
Cassian kept his voice steady, his posture composed as he relayed the events of his mission to the council. He sat back down at the end of his story, nodding along when he felt he was supposed to. But he wasn’t seeing the people in front of him - not Draven with his satisfied look at a completed mission, albeit not ideally, or Princess Leia with her stern brow.
All he saw was one face, one moment, one choice, over and over again.
He had to.
“That does not sound right!” Jyn hollered over the screech of a still broken ship.
“Don’t you have anything better to do,” Bodhi called back as the noise cut off, half-heartedly glaring at her as she perched on a cargo box. “Cassian landed hours ago.”
“He’s debriefing, and with his missions who knows how long that will take,” Jyn replied, leaning back. “He’ll come find me when he’s done.”
“So until then I get the continued pleasure of your company?” Bodhi smiled at her, without any hint of real annoyance. Being grounded the last two days had made her bored, and Bodhi had ended up with the responsibility of entertaining her. He didn’t mind, despite what he may have said to the contrary.
“Sergeant Erso.” Jyn turned to see the princess herself behind her.
“Or not,” Bodhi mumbled, turning back to his work.
“Ma’am?” Jyn nodded, rising up from her spot.
“Captain Andor has returned from his mission, as I’m sure you know. Our briefing is complete,” she stopped then, choosing her words, continued, “I believe he’s still in the council room. Perhaps you should go see him.”
“Yes ma’am,” Jyn replied as the princess retreated, before turning to Bodhi with raised eyebrows. Reuniting rebels after separate missions wasn’t normally Leia’s, or any council member’s, main concern. Bodhi just shrugged his shoulders, and Jyn took off for the room, her feet pounding against the metal of the base floors.
She found him sitting at the table in the dark, his body motionless enough to trick even the automatic lighting. The room lit up as she walked in, allowing her to see him fully. To see the taut lines of his clenched jaw and the white of his knuckles as he gripped the table in front of him.
“Cassian,” she murmured, stepping slowly towards him. His chin lifted an inch, but he did not turn to look at her.
She stopped just behind where he sat facing the opposite wall, not willing to cross the boundary he had set. She wouldn’t force him to look at her. She didn’t need to see his face to know that something had gone wrong.
“What can I do?” she asked him, her hand ghosting over his shoulder, finding its place resting against his neck.
With a small breath, Cassian just shook his head. There was nothing she could do, she knew that. Nothing she could say. She had sat like this before - not here, not this room, but in this hole of guilt, regret, confusion. What would she have wanted someone to say? What could have possibly made a difference? She couldn’t think of anything, so instead she spoke the one truth she knew in this universe.
“I’m here,” she whispered. “I’m with you. No matter what.”
His face turned to her then, only slightly, and she saw the tears spill over onto his cheek.
“I had to,” he told the wall beside her.
“I know, Cassian.” she said, no doubt in her voice.
With a slow motion, he looked her head on, meeting her eyes.
“I had to.”
This time, she only nodded, hoping her eyes conveyed all her understanding. How many times had she thought the same thing?
Slowly she ran her fingers through his hair, down to the nape of his neck. His hands reached for her, pulling her to him, and he buried his face into her soft stomach.
“You had to,” she murmured, arms wrapping tighter around him as his shoulders began to shake. “I know.”
#angst because of course#things you said prompts#therebelcaptainnetwork#dailyrebelcaptain#rebelcaptain fic
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Sins of Believing
Chapter One: Vanity I Read on AO3: http://archiveofourown.org/works/12510504/chapters/28484840
She sits in the corner of the ship, a knife leveled firmly against a hunk of hair. Cassian watches silently from the open port. Jyn slices the lock and it floats down to the durasteel floor. She checks the evenness of the cut in the reflection of her knife. He is there in the background; Jyn is unsurprised. Neither of them break the comfortable silence.
Jyn returns to her hair. She shakes out her bangs with only exposed fingers from her leather gloves. Any section that falls into her eyes gets a sharp slide of her knife. Hair highlighted by the sharp glare of Hoth's sun riddles the floor. She works quickly, with familiar efficiency. Soon her eyes are framed by freshly uneven bangs.
"Enjoy the show?" She asks him. The corner of her mouth curls in a smile.
"I never thought of how you maintained your appearance," Cassian admits.
"It keeps me busy in the quiet moments," she says. Cassian fills in the rest of her thought: the endless silence of nights waiting for 'trooper boots to pass or the monotony of prison--where she would not have had a knife. Even he struggles to find razors in the Rebellion's bounty. If not for the necessity of camouflage, Draven would force him into laser hair removal like all the other soldiers. Vanity, he said, had no place in the Rebellion.
"So," Jyn says as she ruffles her bangs into place. "Where's Bodhi?"
"I am a pilot," Cassian reminds her.
"But Bodhi is the pilot."
Cassian scrunches his lips to hide a smile. Jyn enjoys how his dimples crease into his cheeks from the tension. He peeks at her with enviable side eye, but she breaks the moment by focusing on the slide of her blade into a slot on her belt. The quiet eases between them.
"Would you li--" Jyn starts, only for an out of breath Bodhi to run up the ship's ramp.
"Sorry, sorry! Luke needed a last minute hand."
"I'm sure he did, mate." Jyn gives Bodhi a cheeky grin and claps her hand on his shoulder as she stands.
Bodhi pauses in his walk to the cockpit. He knows the sound of Jyn teasing. Cassian stares back at him blankly, all serious concentration. Bodhi shakes his head at both of them. Better for him to pretend disappointment than let them know he does not understand their jokes.
"How many hands do you think Luke needed, Cassian?" Jyn does not bother to look up from her seat buckle as Cassian chokes on his tongue. Bodhi gets it now and a flush spreads from the tops of his ears almost to his knuckles that perch atop the ship’s controls. He thanks the Force that his skin is dark enough and his hair is long enough to hide the blush growing on the back of his neck.
"You're filthy," Bodhi pouts. She hums in happy agreement. Cassian can no longer retrain his smile.
In retaliation, Bodhi thrusts the ship upwards. Jyn loses her footing, where she kicked her legs to the shoulder of his chair, and tips back. Cassian outright guffaws at her nonplussed expression and the sound of her heels slamming against the floor. Bodhi and Jyn whip around to look at him--until the Rebel air tower yells at Bodhi to watch where the kriff he is flying--and now Cassian is the one with red cheeks. Jyn gives him another one of her blindingly sharp smiles, accompanied by an eyebrow raised in challenge. Deliberately, Cassian settles back into his seat and closes his eyes. The heat of her attention and his embarrassment still linger.
They arrive in Utapau as dust blows fiercely atop the planet's sinkholes. Bodhi touches down outside of the main pathway, but still enough inside the sandstorm that the ship becomes battered and brown like the world outside. Jyn stays upright in her seat, lining her eyes carefully with kohl. Her knife still serves as her mirror despite the jostle of their landing. When she turns to nod her readiness at Cassian, her lashes are sooty from the makeup. Errant flecks of black dot her under eyes. He pauses, a moment of enjoyment for how carefully she creates herself, before locking into the role of captain.
"Weapons?" Cassian asks.
"The ship has two guns, one in the front and back--only to be used in case of emergency," Bodhi promptly answers.
"Two knives, one truncheon, two blasters with second round recharge," Jyn says as she languidly winds a knife into her bun. She tucks the blade close to her scalp so the hilt appears more decorative than dangerous.
"Three knives," Cassian corrects. He nods to the one in her hair.
"Two unexpected knives and one surprise knife." Jyn compromises. Cassian's jaw tightens with amusement again.
Bodhi lowers the ship's ramp as a not-so-subtle command to get off his ship before he shoves their faces together. Jyn tickles the back of his neck as she stomps out. Cassian takes a half second, standing just behind Bodhi's chair.
"If we're not back in three days, call Chirrut."
"For back-up?" Bodhi asks.
"To know if back-up is worth calling," Cassian says grimly. Bodhi's nostrils flare and he looks ready to argue, but he jerks a nod all the same. Cassian squeezes his shoulder before following Jyn down into the deep holes of Utapau's marketplace.
Jyn and Cassian meet Elerica Vin at a nicer stall in the upscale section of the market. Silk lies under expertly tailored bantha leather, and each piece is dyed with the bright colors of wealth. Elerica wears one of her own designs, a sharp red corset with yellow silk ties that leaves room for both her ample breasts and her second pair of arms. She blinks her clear eyelids, but Cassian cannot determine if the action is from surprise or the glare from the next stall's lantern. The light swings into her line of sight and lets him see the all-consuming black of her fully dilated pupils.
"Tanith!" She cries. "I haven't seen you since the 'troopers marched you out in handcuffs!" The market shifts nervously. Another vendor turns off his lantern. He is now closed. Jyn, for her part, does not tense. She quickly scoots around Elerica's stand and wraps the taller woman in a hug that encompasses both sets of arms. Cassian stays ramrod straight, pretending to feel 'trooper armor against his skin.
"You will never believe who fell for my reformed self!" Jyn says with equal excitement as she gestures to Cassian.
"Why, you lucky girl! A Stormtrooper!"
Another business's lantern goes dark.
"You always told me the Empire would provide," Jyn giggles.
"If only I had known how well," Elerica titters, but her dark gaze is hungry on Cassian. He refuses to cut his eyes away, so Jyn tugs childishly at Elerica's arm to regain her attention.
"We're getting married! I always told you I'd wear one of you designs, didn't I?" Jyn says.
"Your 'trooper" has money," Elerica says, greedy.
Here, Cassian interjects, "Officer, actually."
"Newly appointed," Jyn says, though her playful smile melts slowly. "So new that the credit raise hasn't come in yet."
"I don't work for free, Tanith," Elerica says. Jyn catches the scolding undertone and adrenaline rushes into her veins. The older woman still falls for her tricks. Elerica still only sees Tanith as a young girl, a survivor, but one whose pluck hides her naiveté.
"I know, I didn't forget!" Jyn circles the table so she can clutch Cassian's elbow. She purposefully left her leather gloves on their ship and now her palms warm the sand coating his skin.
"Castor said I could save my last piece of intel for you. He wants me to have the most perfect wedding." Jyn gazes up at him with doe eyes. It is easier, then, for him to fall into the role and look down at her with the same softness. His Jyn is sharp edges and he is secrecy. Tanith is love struck and malleable, so Castor will be too.
"That's how you met then?" Elerica pries. "You fed him information?"
Jyn nods happily, a vacant smile across her face. Elerica's hunger becomes gluttonous. Intel enough to free the vapid Tanith from prison could certainly change the course of Elerica's life.
"Well," she pretends to ponder. "Let's hear it. Once I know what you have, I can decide if it's worth my labors." Elerica gestures to a particular set Tanith had appreciated before her arrest. The corset is lined in lavender silk and the skirt mixes purple with a delicate, creamy satin. Elerica had always said that it would contrast nicely with the girl's eyes.
"Of course," Jyn eagerly agrees. "It's--"
"Not how we do business." Cassian inserts himself into the negotiations. "This is not a matter to be taken lightly. She will tell what you what the information regards and take half of her outfit. If you determine that you can handle something so important, then we will share the rest and take what we're owed."
He taunts and teases, flashing the idea of information in front of Elerica like the silver scales of bashful fish hitting a ray of sun. A quick glimpse of their intel's importance. Nothing more.
"Castor!" Jyn whines. She yanks petulantly on his arm. Cassian covers her hand with his own, ever the loving fiancée, but his eyes remain on Elerica.
"Sweet boy. I can handle any and all information. Tell me now, I won't wait."
He flicks his eyes to Jyn. She is still wordlessly pleading. Her black liner makes the green of her eyes deeper and more desperate. Cassian sighs, a lover's acquiescence.
"If you must," he says. The Corsucanti vowels prick the roof of his mouth. With his permission, Jyn flies to the lilac outfit, her grip so fierce that her knuckles whiten.
"It's about the Rebellion base," she says.
Cassian locks down every muscle to keep from tensing. Shock punches him squarely in the gut. It feels similar to Jyn's truncheon.
"Please, please." Elerica waves Tanith on to take the set she so clearly coverts, and to continue. Jyn draws the top and skirt to her chest, winding her arms around the rich silk. Cassian wants to strangle her with it.
"The rebels are till on Yavin IV," Jyn says.
"That's not possible. The Empire has already come and gone there."
"Yes, but the Rebels buried their base far underground. They're there still," Jyn explains.
Cassian relaxes, though nothing about his expression or stance changes. He does not even exhale in relief. His trust is tangible, but tenable.
Elerica presses her reptilian lips together in an approximation of a human smile. Jyn finds the same lack of warmth there as she did over a year ago.
"How did you learn this?" Elerica asks.
"When they took me to Wobani, I shared a cell with a rebel. Apparently, I look like someone they were searching for, and she told me how they dug into the planet. I guess she wanted me to know where to find them?" The small grain of truth inside her web helps Jyn to keep her gaze guileless. Elerica nods, contemplative. A rebel valuable for capture rather than death would have enough secrets for a perceived ally. Though, the scum is known to bite down on poison before giving up their precious Resistance. Yet, Tanish is so young and fresh, anyone could believe her to be untainted by allegiance--she contrasts totally with the horrible image rebels paint of the Empire. Elerica is the only one who can see the truth. A woman such as Tanith, with a newly shorn haircut and makeup in the middle of dirty war, would betray for her vanity without understanding or remorse.
"You're giving me such a gift, Tanith," Elerica praises. The girl's face lights up with pleasure. "Let me give you another wedding gift in return."
Castor nods with light encouragement. Such a guarded, calm man. He does not match the other Imperial officers Elerica has met, but she knows that the power and wealth of his new position will open him like it has his peers. Without fear of hunger and vindictive command, his walls will crumble. Elerica cannot wait for when she shares her new intelligence and her elevated position lets her experience the same.
"Do not worry about the Rebellion. The Death Star will blow them out of the sky," she says.
Cassian stays calm, but Jyn can't hide how the color melts from her face. She still smiles, a wax carving of upturned lips.
"I was informed that the Rebels had destroyed it," he says. Cassian forces his whole attention onto Elerica and tamps down the urge to reach for Jyn.
"The first one only," Elerica says.
"Well," Jyn cuts in. Her voice grates against false cheer. "The Empire is certainly industrious!" Cassian cannot see her eyes. He cannot look at her, but he can guess at the despair she feels. All for nothing.
"That it is, my dear. Now, run along with your handsome officer. I'm sure you have a few ways to celebrate the good news!" Elerica waves them off as Jyn simpers. She makes a few halfhearted attempts to have Elerica as a wedding guest before she and Cassian slip quietly back into the darkness of Utapau's sinkholes. Jyn drops all pretenses of Tanith. She stomps away from the market, as if her steps could cause an earthquake. There is nothing but the ship ahead, the sinking star, the rising of nine Utapaun moons. It is futile to try. Jyn always knew that, but somewhere after Scarif she thought action trumped selective ignorance. She shrugged off her apathy for hope and now she feels the heartbeat of obligation and duty, but she cannot handle its disappointment like Cassian.
He follows just a half step behind her. Cassian keeps his hands close to his sides, but his palms itch. Jyn does not parse through intelligence like he does. She does not understand the gift she has inadvertently given to the Rebellion. He would tell her now, but her right hand hovers over her concealed blaster and he would like to leave one mission without a burn. She seems too lost to her misery to do anything but shoot.
They weave through the few people who linger. Darkness submerges their sinkhole. Lanterns flicker on, stuttering behind windows and underneath durasteel doors. Cassian feels the weight of a watch along the line of his shoulders. No one tails them, but the whole of Utapau's population centers on the market. Any move too conspicuous rewards them with a tracker. Quickly, Cassian sidles to Jyn's side and tucks her trigger hand delicately on his elbow. Her gait slows to match his. The rough pads of her fingers prickle goosebumps up his arm.
Despite the lightness of her touch, Jyn does not stop scowling heavily. The emotive lines around her mouth pull tight. Cassian's worry washes over her and she tenses further. Jyn should mask her fury with the easily placated smile of Tanith. Elerica has informants all over the planet, but Jyn cannot force herself to care. The futility stabs like a vibroblade.
Their ship blends in neatly with the surrounding desert, though she can still make out a glint of metal under one of the moons. Bodhi beckons, a small comfort. Jyn moves faster and Cassian lengthens his stride to keep pace. He also sees the barest outline of the ship--as well as a possible end. Peace hovers just ahead. It is only a debriefing away.
Jyn stomps up the on-ramp, shaking Cassian off as she goes. For a moment, his elbow stays aloft for the phantom of her hand, but then he snaps back into the role of captain. Cassian takes the copilot's seat while Bodhi starts the engine. No one speaks, though Bodhi presses his lips together so tightly that they turn white.
The drop back into atmo makes Jyn aware of how the skin of her nose adheres to the cartilage below. Her body compresses and expands infinitesimally. Neither Cassian nor Bodhi ever shift in their seat from discomfort. Only Jyn squirms against her snug safety strap. Bodhi tilts his head to view her in his peripheral, and Jyn scowls. She is absolutely fine and in no way needs him fussing over her. Just because space makes her want to crawl out of her own body does not mean she needs to be watched like a temperamental child. Even when she was one, no one had looked after her.
Cassian is better at hiding his concern. Just the front of his eyebrows pinch downwards and only his cupid's bow thins. Jyn has not spoken to him—either of them--in ten hours. She grunted in affirmation when Bodhi asked if she was alright, and then poorly feigned sleep for the next nine hours. He boggles at her reaction. Jyn is usually a fine strategist and can find escape hatches in a black hole. They never would have made it off Scarif if she had not commandeered an Imperial ship and shoved at Cassian's broken ribs to keep him awake enough to fly. Yet she does not understand that she is about to bestow a gift onto Intelligence, onto Draven. There is only failure for her, while Cassian has hope, real hope. The kind of wanting that a lifetime of war never allowed. The Death Star will return to Yavin IV, and this time, the Rebels will be waiting.
#rebelcaptain#cassian andor#jyn erso#jyn x andor#bodhi rook#fanfic#HI#chirrut imwe#just trying to get this out there#please comment#send prompts#love me?
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With the Comma After ‘Dearest’
Or
Five times Jyn and Cassian have to use technology to communicate and one time they don’t.
Read on AO3
Thank you thank you to the amazing @rxbxlcaptain for being the best beta ever. Love you!!
1.
The transmission signal is received at exactly 0900. Of course he’s on time. Jyn doubts the end of the galaxy would stop Cassian Andor from reporting in on time. One of the droid opens the link and Cassian’s voice is projected through the War Room.
“Captain Cassian Andor, reporting. Line secure.”
Jyn tries to ignore the way the tightness in her chest releases just a bit when she hears Cassian’s voice.
“Acknowledged,” General Draven answers. “How goes it, Captain?”
Cassian has been gone three weeks, under cover with Kay in an Imperial mining facility on Kellux. Communication has been spotty at best, but a report had been scheduled when Jyn returned from her latest mission. They needed to talk.
“Well, sir. My cover is secure and I believe the intel will prove valuable.”
Again Jyn does her best to ignore her relief.
Draven’s eyes slid to Jyn. “Sergeant Erso has just returned from her mission to Nal Hutta. She has a report we’d like you to hear.”
There was quiet for a moment, then Cassian’s voice returned. Jyn reminded herself that she was imagining the slight change in his voice. Cassian’s voice wouldn’t change for her. Besides, after the fight they’d had before she left, she doubted he wanted to talk much to her, anyway.
“Sergeant Erso?”
He hadn’t wanted her to go on the mission. After the relocation to Hoth he had been watching her, as if waiting for something. It wasn’t until Jyn volunteered for her first solo assignment that she found out why.
“This is an important mission, one that needs to be completed,” he had yelled at her in the middle of one of the newly constructed Eco Base corridors after she had chased him out of the War Room demanding to know why he had argued against her. The soldiers passing hardly looked up. They were probably so used to Solo and the Princess screaming at each other in the hallways that it didn’t faze them anymore. “Mothma promised you your freedom, so if you’re going to leave just go, don’t pretend like you’re taking a mission just to escape. I know you’re going to leave. But don’t kirff over the Rebellion while you’re doing it.”
All Jyn could do was stare in shock at Cassian’s retreating back. She hadn't seen him since.
“You’ve completed your mission, then?”
Jyn straightens her back, even though Cassian can’t see her. “Yes, Captain. While on Nal Hutta I learned that the Empire is sending an Imperial convoy to inspect the progress on Kellux. I don’t know who will be on it, but it will be some important brass. And possibly someone who knows of you as Willix.”
“Understood.” Cassian’s voice is hard, determined. Jyn realizes suddenly that she hates not being able to see him. She can read him so much better when she can see his eyes. “General Draven, what are my orders, sir?”
“We’re going to have to pull you, Captain. The intel isn’t worth the loss of an alias.”
As Cassian and Draven discuss his imminent return to base Jyn closes her eyes. Cassian was coming home. They had parted on bad terms and Jyn doesn’t know how things will be when he gets back - and of course he’ll bring that infernal droid back with him - but Jyn can’t help the breath that escapes her. He is coming back alive, and sooner than she had thought. She wishes that thought didn’t make her quite as happy as it does.
“Sergeant Erso’s mission was a success?” Cassian asks, and Draven glances at her.
“Yes. The intel is good.”
“Good,” Cassian’s voice seems oddly strained and Jyn wonders for a moment what he is getting at.
“And there were no,” he pauses for half a second, as if trying to find the right word, “complications?”
The tiniest smile touches Jyn’s lips. At one point, not so long ago, she would have believed Cassian was asking if she had betrayed them. But even without seeing his eyes she can hear the concern he is trying so hard to hide.
“It went off without a hitch,” she tells him, hoping her smile doesn’t color her voice too much. “Hopefully my next assignment will be a bit more fun.”
She can see the way Draven’s lips purse but she doesn’t particularly care. Cassian’s voice is notably less strained when he signs off and she has the feeling that when he gets back in a few days they will be alright after all. She buries the voice deep inside her that wishes they could be something more than alright.
2.
Cassian does his best to hide his smile when Jyn’s face appears on his ship’s screens. She has a new cut above one eye but otherwise she seems fine, and the creases between her eyebrows relax a bit when she sees him. Or maybe he is imagining things.
“Sergeant,” he greets her, not really knowing what else to say. It’s good to see her. Last time they were together they only had a day’s overlap on base, just enough time for him to apologize for doubting her. He knows now that she’s not going to run.
This is the first time they’ve had to coordinate on separate missions. The bounty hunter she’d been tailing for the past ten days had lead her right into the N’zoth system, the same system in which Cassian’s contact is waiting with news. Command had agreed it was best for them to coordinate directly, in case the two incidents were related.
“Fancy meeting you here, Captain. How’s life?”
This time Cassian doesn’t try to hide his smile. “Hardly proper procedure, Sargent Erso.”
Even through the monitor he can see the glint in Jyn’s eyes. “I won’t tell if you don’t.” Jyn has never been one for proper procedures. “But really, Cassian,” she asks, her voice growing serious, “how are you?”
“Fine,” he tells her, hoping the monitor will hide how his pulse races at even just the sight of her. “All the better for seeing a familiar face.”
Jyn nods her understanding.
Jyn’s image stutters, static flying across the screen, then suddenly disappears all together. Concern floods through Cassian as he fiddles with the monitor, hoping desperately that the interference is a malfunction in his tech, not some danger Jyn has run into.
“Jyn? Jyn?”
After a moment her image flickers back – eyes focused, hands gripping the controls, face set – then disappears again. The connection is lost, then reestablished and Cassian scans the dark sky outside his ship, searching desperately for Jyn’s ship, despite knowing they’re not close enough for him to be able to see her.
Suddenly the image flickers back on screen. Jyn’s face is calm and as she sits back in her seat her eyes find her monitor again.
“Sorry about that. Asteroids. Damn nuisance.”
Cassian lets about a breath. Jyn seems to catch his relief because the smallest to smiles touches her lips. She stays quiet for another moment, watching him, and for a second. Cassian feels that when he looks into her eyes the sky’s the limit. He wonders if Jyn is ever pulled in by his eyes the way he is by hers. As soon as the thought appears he pushes it away - he doubts Jyn could ever feel so helpless.
“So what does your contact know?” she asks, breaking the silence that had stretched across space and time.
“I’m not sure, yet,” he admits, clearing his throat. “All I got is that they need to meet with me, that they have news. What about you? Do you know what Denov is doing in the N’zoth system?”
“Nope.” Jyn shrugs and brushes a fallen strand of hair out of her face. “I’ve got a feeling he’s headed to Pa’aal. The labor camps there contacted him a few days ago, but I couldn’t hear what they discussed. Guess I’ll find out.”
Doing his best to ignore the sinking feeling in his gut Cassian nods and listens as Jyn goes through some of the things she has discovered that might prove useful. Of course they wouldn’t be heading to the same planet. The N’zoth system was large - nine planets and many moons. The likelihood of them actually seeing each other had been slim. He had allowed himself to hope, though.
“Will you be alright?” he asks suddenly. She hadn’t told him much about Wobani, but the memories she had shared with him – images of chains, meal rations so small it was a mercy she had lasted as long as she had, and a cellmate who promised every morning she would be dead by nightfall – stayed with him. Those few memories had been shared late at night on missions, when she had wandered from her bunk with nightmares, like sleep, still lingering in her eyes, and plopped down next to him in the cockpit. He hardly slept, anyway, and they would sit in silence until she began speaking. He had yet to tell her that her quiet words in the dark had done wonders to keep his own nightmares at bay.
It seems she knows where his mind has gone because her beautiful green eyes darken for a moment. “Yes. I’ll be fine.” There is a pause between them, then she asks, “How’s Kay?”
Cassian almost laughs at how her eyes brighten at the question. She has never loved the droid, but he knows, better than most, that on a long mission any taste of the familiar is a welcome thing.
“He’s fine. He’s powered down right now, or I’m sure he’d have something less than appropriate to say.”
Cassian tries to hide his surprise when Jyn tips her head back and laughs. Really laughs. “I’m sure he would. You hear anything from Bodhi or Baze and Chirrut?”
Cassian shakes his head. “Not for a month or so. Last time I saw them we were all getting drunk in the canteen.” Jyn nods at the memory and quickly – if only to banish the worry that as entered her eyes – Cassian adds, “I’m sure they’re fine, though. We’d have heard if they weren’t.” They both know it’s a lie but accept it regardless. What more can they do?
“When will you be home?” Cassian tries to ignore the joy he feels at the quiet way Jyn says the word ‘home��.
“Shouldn’t be long, now. A week at most. You?”
Jyn shrugs. “I have yet to be informed.” Her lips tighten - a sure sign she doesn’t like her answer.
A beeping noise is heard over the monitor and Jyn glances off screen.
“I’m approaching Pa’aal. I’m going to have to sign off before I get any closer and they detect my transmission. I’ll try to contact you again if it looks like our missions are actually related.”
Cassian nods, knowing this moment was coming and wishing it didn’t have to nonetheless. “I’ll do the same. I’ll see you soon,” he promises, knowing such a guarantee is not within his power to make. He makes it anyway. If only making it will help it come true.
Jyn nods. Her mouth is set, and Cassian doesn’t think he’s imagining the sadness in the deep greed of her eyes. “Stay safe, Cassian,” she tells him.
“You too, Jyn.”
He wishes he could say more. He wishes he could see her face to face, could hold her in his arms until she could feel every unsaid emotion radiating from his core. But his screen goes black and he is left alone with his reflection and a powered down droid, longing for the day the both he and Jyn will be home again. He prays to the Force it will be soon.
3.
Jyn clutches her knees to her chest, her hands still shaking as she tries to push the nightmare from her mind. Sweat beads at her hairline and she concentrates for a moment on slowing her breathing.
It had been about Cassian. Again. He had died. Again. And she hadn’t been able to save him. Again.
A whimper escapes her into the dark of her bunk and despite how tiny the Echo Base living quarters are she suddenly feels as if the blackness and loneliness stretches on for eternity. She fumbles for the lamp and with a gentle whirl of its generator the room is bathed in soft light.
Sometimes, after dreams like this, Jyn would seek out Cassian in the control room or hanger or wherever he happened to be at the time. He was always quiet when she found him after a dream, but he listened and when his gentle hand found hers she would allow herself to lean into him, allow him to wrap her up in his arms, and allow his simple presence - the sheer fact that her was there, alive and with her - to comfort her.
Tonight could not be one of those nights. Jyn hasn’t seen Cassina since just after her first solo mission almost two months ago. Cassian is on Edan II, working with the Alliance stronghold there to establish more effective intel gathering within the region. It is a relatively safe and easy mission, but the blood that fills Jyn’s nightmares seems to seep into the edges of her mind until even the glow of her lamp cannot push away the images of Cassian’s lifeless body. Death, it seems, doesn’t discriminate between the sinners and the saints.
With hardly a thought Jyn shoves back the blankets of her bunk - shivering as the frigid Hoth air, only slightly tempered by the heating generators, bites into her skin - and pads softly to the table. She grabs the hand held holo projector sitting next to her datapad and quickly slips back into the warmth of her bed.
She doubts Cassian will pick up but she has to try. She knows she won’t be able to breathe properly until she sees his face again and knows that he is safe, and since Edan II is Alliance controlled, the hologram transmission is safe to use. She enters the coordinance and waits, each flash of the small blue light on the side of the projector making her breath hitch a little more.
She almost sobs in relief when the light turns green and Cassian’s image flickers into her room. His eyes are worried and serious but Jyn thinks once again how beautiful they are. She is too tired and upset to reprimand herself for the thought.
“Jyn?”
“Cassian.” The tremor in her voice only serves to increase his alarm.
“What is it, Jyn? What’s happened?”
She takes a breath. She doesn’t want to frighten him. “Nothing. Nothing, we’re fine. We’re all fine. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”
His eyes soften a bit and his shoulders relax. “It’s alright. What’s going on?”
Jyn curses herself for the tears that well in her eyes at his concern. Nightmares had plagued her long before she met Cassian. Her mother’s death, her father’s capture, and Saw’s missions had haunted her sleep for longer than she cared to remember. That was nothing new.
What is new is Cassian. And Bodhi and Chirrut and Baze. And even Captain Solo, the Princess, and the Skywalker boy. And, although she’d never admit this to anyone, sometimes even Kay. Their blood floods her dreams and their deaths - and the countless other deaths she has caused, either by her own hands or orders given - dance their way through her mind. Her subconscious creates a nightly torture of regret, fear, and loss.
And what is new is Cassian. The way he looks at her when she comes to him in the night. The way he loops an arm over her shoulders and pulls her into him. The way his heartbeat calms her and the way his eyes tell her that he understands - understands the nights when sleep seems more frightening than any Imperial torture could ever be and understands that sometimes it’s easier to sit side by side with someone you trust, waiting for the first watery rays of light to touch the frozen world, then even think about sleeping again. It terrifies her that he understands and it terrifies her that he cares. She isn’t used to anyone caring, and as much as she finds herself seeking his comfort she finds herself equally afraid of it, in case the day comes - as it has always come before - when she will lose that comfort. She dreads the day she will have to face the nightmares alone again, knowing how much worse it will be having known Cassian’s presence.
“Jyn?” Cassian’s soft voice brings her back to herself, reminds her that while that day might come, it is not this day. With a shock she realizes that her relief far outweighs her fear.
“Was it another nightmare?”
She nods mutely, blinking away the tears that still threaten to spill onto her cheeks. She can only hope the dim light and blue hologram tint hids them from Cassian.
“Your parents again?” he asks and Jyn shakes her head. The first time she had told him about the dreams that replayed her parents deaths on an endless loop, with Jyn forever powerless to stop it, guilt had consumed Cassian’s gaze. He hadn’t killed her father, for which - despite what she had said on the flight away from Eadu - she would eternally be grateful, but he had pulled her away from his body and she knew the memory still haunted Cassian, just as it did her.
“Scarif,” she told him quietly and she could see him nod. It was a horror they had shared, and in the dark Cassian sometimes whispered of his own memories to her.
“We’re all alright, Jyn. You know that. You’re alright.”
Tears choke Jyn’s throat and she swipes at her eyes quickly before nodding again. “Yes. I know. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be,” Cassian murmurs. “Don’t ever be sorry.”
“I just... I had to be sure.” She takes a breath. “I had to know you were alright.”
She lets the words tumble out before her better judgment can stop her. She had told him of her dreams, but his leading role in them had gone unspoken. She often wondered if he knew. He has dreams too, after all, but she would never have believed he could fear for her - care for her - as much as she finds herself caring for him.
And yet some nights, as they sit together in the dark, he grips her hand with such need, holds her close with such desperation, she can’t help but wonder if hers is not the only fear that goes unspoken.
He watches her now with soft sadness. “I’m fine, Jyn. And I’ll be home in a few days.”
The tightness in her chest releases a bit at his words and for a while they just talk, their quiet voices filling the emptiness and driving away the fear. He tells her of his mission, as much as he can, and of how he, Kay, and Bodhi have been able to help the local population and she tells him about the tricks she and Baze have been playing on young Luke Skywalker. It’s nice to be on base with Baze and Chirrut again and Cassian seems glad to hear the news from home.
“I should let you go. I’m sure you have meetings and whatnot to get to,” Jyn says, sometime around 0400 on Eco Base. She can hear a few of the personnel, those with early morning shifts, beginning to stir.
Confusion crosses Cassian’s face for a moment before understanding seems to dawn. “Oh, I’m not at Edan Base any more. I guess they didn’t tell you. Bodhi, Kay, and I transferred to Southview Village a few days ago to sure up things here before I leave.”
Since it is an Alliance controlled planet with an active Rebel base, Jyn knows a little of Edan II. She has never been there, but she has seen a few maps of it, enough, at least, to know that Southview Village is practically on the other side of the planet from Edan Base. Which means...
“Wait, then what time is it there?”
Cassian looked a little sheepish as he glanced away from the hologram, presumably at a chrono. “Umm, about 0500, I guess.” He must see her look of horror because he quickly adds, “My body hasn’t adjusted yet, though, so it’s fine.”
Jyn hopes the semi darkness hides the color she can’t seem to stop from bleeding into her cheeks at unknowingly keeping Cassian up all night, despite what he said. She pushes away the tiny swell of happiness - or whatever it was that made her feel so warm inside - at the thought that he was willing to stay up with her while on a mission. She shouldn’t care, she reminds herself. She shouldn’t have needed him in the first place.
“You should go,” she tells him. She wishes she could carve out of her the part of her that whimpers in protest at her words. They both knew it was coming. Why should it matter?
Cassian nods, but before the communication is ended his eyes find hers again. “Everything will be alright. I’ll see you soon, Jyn.”
His promise is meant as a comfort. She knows it is. And despite the uncertainties of war and the knowledge that no promise Cassian can make will have any guarantee of being kept, she does finds comfort in his words. She carries the comfort with her long after the hologram has been shut off and she is left on her own again.
4.
“I’m just saying, I think it’s more than just the hot food and shower you’re excited for, Captain,” Bodhi teases as they walk together down the ramp of the transport ship and into the familiar bustle - and cold - of the Eco Base landing bay. Cassian does his best not to roll his eyes at Bodhi.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m always excited to be home.”
“I think the pilot is right,” Kay intones helpfully as he clanks along behind them. “You did seem particularly happy to hear that Sergeant Erso would be on base. You almost smiled.”
“He did smile, Kay. He just tried to hide it. Badly.” Cassian scowls at Bodhi, who only laughs at his captain's displeasure. It had been a long flight, and while Edan II had been a relatively uneventful mission, Cassian knows his crew needs to wind down and let off some steam. Cassian doesn’t want to deny them their fun, but he also doesn’t want to let on how close to home they have hit. He is excited for the showers and the hot food, of course, but his mind keeps straying back to Jyn. He shouldn’t let it, but every time it does a smile pulls at his lips.
“The conquering heroes return,” calls a voice that, to Cassian’s momentary disappointment, is not Jyn’s. Chirrut and Baze appear out of the currents of people and welcome Cassian and Bodhi home with smiles. Cassian does his best not to look around for Jyn too much, but seems to fail.
“She’s not here, Cassian,” Baze tells him. He tries to keep his face blank but Baze just gives his a slap on the back Cassian assumes is meant to be sympathetic. “Jyn’s flight was moved up. She left a few hours ago.”
Cassian can feel his heart sink but it is Bodhi who groans in disappointment. In answer to Chirrut’s sightless question Bodhi just shrugs. “Cassian isn’t the only one who misses her.”
“I don’t miss her,” Kay announces. “I don’t miss anyone. Besides, it seems like a waste of time to me.”
Cassian sighs. Jyn is gone and he doesn’t know when she will be back or if he will even be on base when she does return. This is war, he reminds himself. This has always been his life. And yet somehow it hadn’t bothered him until he met Jyn. If he could have he would be angry at her for making him feel this way. But he couldn’t be angry with her. Not really. Not for this.
“Of course it does, Kay,” he tells the droid. Kay wouldn’t understand. This emotion was far to complicated to hardwire into any droids’ circuits.
*****
Dravin’s debriefing had gone on for much longer than Cassian would have liked. After delivering the rundown of their mission Cassian had been asked to sit through a tactical meeting discussing an imminent strike on one of the Imperial starships. He wondered if that was where Jyn had been sent. No one said, and he didn’t dare ask.
He had seen Chirrut, Baze, and Bodhi briefly in the mess but he had slipped out early. He had gotten his food but wasn't in the mood for chat.
His room is just as he had left it, with one exception. He notices it as he drops his pack onto the small table in the corner of his room: a datapad laying on his bed, its screen dark and innocent looking. Hesitantly Cassian crosses to the bed and scoops up the device, clicking the power button before he can think about what Kay would say the statistical likelihood of this being a trap was. The display flashes to life and the text of a message filters across the screen. Worry morphs into other, much more difficult to identify, emotions as Cassian reads the words.
Cassian,
They’re sending me out early, of course. They couldn’t wait five kirffing hours. Typical. Baze and Chirrut will tell you I’m gone, so I don’t even know why I’m writing this. Stupid, I guess. I should just erase this now and leave. You’ll never know I was here.
I hope your mission went well. Draven won’t tell me anything except that you’ll be back soon after I leave. He didn’t sound that worried, so I guess I shouldn’t be either. Not that I’m worried about you. I just know that if you die I’ll have to deal with Kay, and I think we’d kill each other within a week. So you’d better not be dead. It’d be a real pain in the ass if you were.
Skywalker and Solo have got me on this stupid mission. I’m flying with Shara, so at least I won’t be stuck on the Falcon with Solo. They’re not even taking me anywhere interesting. But someone’s got to do it, right? Might as well be me.
I don’t know why I’m writing this, really. Just that I’ll be gone by the time you get back and so I won’t be able to tell you any of this myself. This will have to do, I guess. It’s the best we’ve got. There are other things, things I want to tell you myself. In person. But it’ll keep. Always does.
Anyway, I hope you’re not dead. Please don’t be dead. I’ll be home soon.
Jyn
Cassian sits for a long time - datapad in his lap, emotions twisting their way through his heart - marveling at Jyn’s ability to use so many words to say both everything and nothing at all.
5.
It has been a week since Cassian returned to base to find Jyn’s datapad lying on his bed. He has yet to be assigned a new mission, but there is always plenty to do around the base - meetings to attend, recruits to train, reports to write.
This morning Princess Leia had asked Cassian to sit in on a meeting with Mon Mothma, which is how he finds himself in the War Room when the distress signal is received.
“The signal is being sent from Lieutenant Bey’s ship,” C-3PO informs them as the beeping fills the room. Cassian’s heart freezes at the words. Jyn is on Shara Bey’s ship.
“That’s not right.” Draven’s eyes are dark with confusion and worry. “Bey and Erso aren’t meant to get back for another three days.”
C-3PO’s R2 counterpart beeps and whirls. “Nevertheless, sir, R2-D2 is correct. It is Lieutenant Bey’s ship. We are receiving an incoming transmission.”
In a moment Jyn’s voice, tight and controlled, fills the War Room. “Command, this is Sergeant Erso. We’ve had some trouble. Ship’s busted but I think I can get her down.” Princess Leia’s eyes meet Cassian’s from across the room and he can see his own fear reflected in them. Jyn shouldn’t be flying the ship.
“Jyn, what happened?” Cassian demands, protocol be damned.
“Got separated from Solo and Skywalker. We weren’t followed but I need a med team standing by. We’re coming in fast. Very fast. I don’t -” Jyn’s words cut out, then there is nothing but static.
“What happened?” Leia turns an accusing look towards the droids.
“I don’t know, your highness. The signal just -” But Cassian doesn’t hear the rest of the droids explanation. He is already out the door, running towards the landing bay.
The usual chaos reigns in the hanger as Cassian pushes his way past pilots and mechanics.
“Cassian!” Bodhi’s voice stops him and he turns towards the four figures hurrying towards him.
“Chirrut just said we had to come,” Baze explains, glancing at Chirrut. “Told us to contact Kes Dameron and get him down here. What’s going on?”
Cassian shakes his head. “It’s Jyn. I don’t-“ but he is cut off by a shout - “Everyone look out!” - followed by a wave of people running to get out of the way of the ship that is more falling rather than gliding towards a landing.
Jyn’s transport ship bounces twice, skidding across the icy rock of the Hoth hangar floor, before it slides to a stop, dented and battered, spewing smoke. “Oh dear,” is Kay’s only comment before Cassian is once again running, despite his friends’ shouts of protest, towards the downed ship.
Emergency droids and personnel are beginning to descend, but Cassian ignores them. The black smoke increases tenfold as the door to the ship slides open and for one horrifying moment everything is still. Then two figures emerge from the smoke.
Shara’s arm is draped over Jyn’s shoulder. She is clearly unconscious, feet dragging uselessly, blood dripping down her thigh, and Jyn coughs the smoke out of her lungs as she stumbles down the ship’s ramp. The sight of her paralyzes Cassian for a moment, relief and worry washing over him in equal measure.
A medical team has arrived. Kes Demeron must have gotten Chirrut’s message because he is suddenly there, demanding to see his wife. Baze practically has to restrain him from attacking the medical officers. But it is Jyn Cassian is fixated on, and in an instant he finds himself again and snaps back into motion. Jyn has just managed to hand Shara off to them when Cassian reaches her.
“Jyn!” She turns to the sound of his voice.
“Cassian!” He grabs her shoulders, needing to touch her, needing to feel her, solid and alive, under his fingers.
“Jyn, what happened? Are you alright?”
“We got the intel, but our contact must have turned on us. Shara got shot and Han and Luke had a tail, so we separated so that I could get Shara back, but our ship was attacked and we-” Another fit of coughing cuts her off and he steadies her, her body shaking under his hands.
“Easy, easy,” he murmurs to her, then turns to look for the med team, all of whom seem to be focused on Shara at the moment. “Hey, medic!” he shouts.
Jyn gripped his forearm and Cassian snaps his attention back to her. She struggles to drag in air but her eyes find his. “Cassian, it’s alright. I just - I don’t -” She stumbles, and in a moment her eyes glaze over, then flutter closed, and she drops. Cassian catches her, dropping to his knees with Jyn cradled in his arms, terror - and not the smoke still filling the hanger - choking off the air in his lungs.
“Jyn? Jyn!” He shakes her slightly but her eyes remain closed, body limp. Only now does he realize that his hand - which up until a minute ago had been clutched around Jyn’s shoulder - is covered in her blood.
The med team is there in an instant. He only hears fragments of what they say to him - “... someone grab the oxygen ...” “... get her in a bacta tank...” - but when they pull Jyn away from him and onto a hovering stretcher it takes all of Cassian’s willpower - as well as a Chirrut’s gentle hand on his shoulder - to loosen his grip and allow Jyn out of his arms.
1.
“Nice to see you up and about, kid.” Han slides into a seat opposite from Jyn at her table in the mess, pointedly ignoring Princess Leia, who sits on the other side of Chirrut and Baze, chatting animatedly - perhaps a bit too animatedly - with Luke. There had been yet another infamous screaming match in one of the corridors this morning. Jyn was personally amazed that their shouting had yet to set off an avalanche in this frozen wasteland.
“Nice to be about,” Jyn admits, rolling a shoulder a bit to test the stab wound she had returned home with. She is pleased to find it doesn’t even twinge. “Glad you two got back safe.”
Han leans back in his seat, his smug look almost masking the way his eyes flick to Leia to see if she’s listening. “Well, you know. Nothing the Falcon couldn’t take care of.” Chewie, who was just joining them, punctuates Han’s statement with a cry of - what Jyn assumes is - agreement. “Where’s your boyfriend? Heard he was pretty worried after your fainting stunt.”
Jyn chokes into her caf at the smuggler's words. “My what?” She knows who he means, of course. Baze had told her - a little too happily for her taste - about how Cassian had stayed with her for the first hours in medbay after she had landed - if that word could even be used - in the Echo Base hangar. He had told her right after she woke up in medical, and she worries that in her hazy state she hadn’t been able to hide the smile that had tugged at her lips at the thought. The smile was quickly lost, however, when Chirrut informed her that Cassian, Bodhi, and Kay had already been sent out to hunt down the informant who had turned on the Alliance and silence them before any other information could be leaked. Jyn knows they will be back soon, but that doesn’t stop her disappointment.
Before she can even recover from the sensation of inhaling steaming hot caf, Baze pipes up. “Oh, Captain Andor’s off on a mission. He should be back any time, though.”
The look Jyn sends the two men is freezing even by Hoth standards. Everyone, including Chirrut, laughs.
“Well I’m glad you find this amusing, Captain Solo. Because I was laughing this morning when C-3PO informed me that today’s little discussion between you and the princess marks 16 such public discussions this month. And now, Bodhi owes me 50 credits.” The look of incredulous horror - mixed, perhaps, with a bit of pride - at the idea of his friends placing bets on him and the princess lightens Jyn’s mood considerably. Bodhi had gotten drunk enough one night to admit to that Han had a sizable wager going with Chewie concerning who would kiss the other first, Jyn or Cassian, so she figures fair is fair.
“Now, if you’ll excuse me,” Jyn says, standing abruptly, tray in hand. “I’m going to go see how Shara is feeling. Kes was with her all night and he needs a break.”
Jyn can’t help but smile as she heads out of the mess and into the corridors of Eco Base. The small family she has managed to find for herself during her time with the Alliance is more than she had ever hoped for, more than she had ever thought she deserved. Chirrut and Baze have practically adopted her as their child; Bodhi is the brother she had never had; she has grown close to Han, Luke, and Leia; and even Kay has his place in her heart. And Cassian.... She has no words for what Cassian is to her. But after all they have been through, after all their time together - finding comfort and security in each other - and after all their time apart - hurried transmissions in the day and quiet hologram conversations in the night - maybe she wants a word for what Cassian is to her. And maybe it is time to let him know that.
Jyn is stopped by the beep of her 2-MAL personal comlink. Confused she presses the receiver, expecting to hear Draven’s voice or maybe an angry Solo trying to get back at her for her wager. Instead the voice that crackles to life is unmistakably Bodhi’s.
“Jyn. We’re home.”
She can all but see the grin on Bodhi’s face, and her own lips turn up in joy as she quickly turns in the direction of the landing bay. She doesn’t think - doesn’t let herself think - as she skirts around rebels and droids, bushing her way through the ever present bustle of the base. She sees Cassian’s U-wing as soon as she gets into the hanger. Kay is there, unloading a few crates, and Bodhi seems to be inspecting a new dent on the side of the hold. She doesn’t care, though, because Cassian is there, real and right in front of her, and when she calls his name he turns and the smile that flashes across his face makes his eyes glow and her heart melt.
Life as a rebel soldier is hectic and uncertain. Jyn knows this better than most. She knows that anytime she sees Cassian, or any of her friends, it could be her last. Knowing this, she clings to any chance they get to talk, even if it’s just a relayed transmission or even a note written hastily before departing for a new mission. The two of them must take what they get. But as grateful as she is for the technology that can keep them in touch, not even a hologram can come anywhere close to the feeling of being there, with him, in the same room, breathing the same air.
Life as a rebel soldier is hectic and uncertain. Jyn knows this better than most. As Rebels they don't have much. Energy is rationed, food is in short supply, and on Hoth a blanket is worth more than credits. But there are other things they don’t have much of. Assurance, safety, and security are luxuries not usually afforded to people in Jyn and Cassian’s positions. Jyn doesn’t as for much. And when it comes to Cassian she knows that as long as he comes home at the end of the day, that would be enough.
Life as a rebel soldier is hectic and uncertain. Jyn knows this better than most. Which is why, when she reaches Cassian and finds herself pulled into his arms she leans up on her toes and kisses him, Han and his wager be damned.
She can feel Cassian’s surprise, but in a moment his arms are around her and his mouth melts into hers and suddenly nothing matters, not Bodhi’s cheers, not Kay’s confusion and dismay, and not the distant, disgruntled wails of a Wookie who has just lost a bet.
AO3
Unfortunately I do not own Star Wars!
#rogue one#RebelCaptain#fanfiction#fanfic#jyn x cassian#star wars#jyn erso#jyncassian#cassian andor#bodhi rook#K-2So#Chirrut Imwe#Baze Malbus#Han Solo#Princess Leia#han x leia#Luke Skywalker#chewbacca#R2D2#C-3PO#Draven#Mon Mothma#shara bey#kes dameron#AU Everyone lives/Nobody dies#post-Scarif#fluf#angst#fluff and angst#hurt/comfort
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This Crazy Life
Jyn was tired. The call for this body had come in at 0230. The killer probably wanted it to look like a mugging gone wrong. Problem was, nothing was missing and this was the wrong part of town.
This was the third body they had found in similar circumstances in the past 48 hours. Draven was going to run her and Kay ragged over this. Speaking of Kay, she sped up as she heard him arguing with the officer securing the scene. It sounded like Kay was accusing him of contaminating evidence. One of these days a uniform was going to punch him in the face, detective badge or no.
Once Kay spotted her, his focus shifted. "Erso, late as always."
"Don't know how you can be late when nothing is scheduled," she retorted. "What do you we have?"
"Asian male, late 20s to early 30s, single gunshot wound to the head." the uniform offered, clearly trying to diffuse the impending argument.
"She wasn't talking to you," Kay stated in a dry tone, eyebrows raised.
The young man walked away, clearly done with her partner.
"Must you be so confrontational," Jyn muttered.
She walked over to inspect the body more closely. Nothing obviously tying this victim to the other two, but they must be connected. Her gut suggested reaching out to organized crime. That meant Organa and Solo and their explosive arguments that were enough to send anyone running in the opposite direction. It may be unavoidable though. Obviously someone was trying to make a move. The NiJedha neighborhood had just settled down from the previous gang war, and it wouldn't survive another.
"I am only trying to improve his skills and better his life," came Kay's robotic reply to Jyn's comment. Clearly she hadn't muttered quietly enough. She just rolled her eyes, continuing to take in the scene. Chirrut would tell her she shouldn't ignore her gut, but she still felt like an important piece of the puzzle was missing.
Back at the precinct Draven was waiting at her desk. "This is all connected somehow, I just know it," he growled, "so get me some results!" before stalking away back to his office. Her captain was certainly not her favorite person in the office.
She shared a look with Kay and they both settled in for what would be a very long day. Hopefully someone had left the coffeepot on and changed out the grounds, otherwise it would get ugly- and fast.
It turned out she didn't need to reach out to Solo and Organa, they invited themselves courtesy of the chatty Skywalker kid from forensics.
"We hear you have something that might be of interest to us," Solo drawled as he sprawled out in a chair. Organa stood next to him. glaring at his lack of professionalism. Jyn was so tired she was beyond caring.
"Three Asian males killed in NiJedha, nothing stolen, single gunshot wound to the chest, ballistics match for the same weapon in all 3 deaths. It wasn't present at any of the scenes” Kay rattled off.
"We have heard some rumors that Empire is trying to expand their hold into NiJedha, they could have put out hits as a negotiation tactic," Organa mused, "that'll be hard to confirm though because we don't even know who runs that organization- not for lack of trying."
"No informants either", Solo stated.
"What, your affable charm and stunning incompetence couldn't sway them?" Jyn snarked.
"Don't you start kid!" He returned.
This time it was Kay's turn to stop the fight. "So how do we proceed?" he asked.
His question was met with silence.
Bodhi was starting to panic. Cassian was late. He was never late. What if something had gone wrong? The Koreans weren’t known for being reasonable, or responding well to threats. Krennic was adamant though that in order to grow their influence, and income, they needed them. As per usual, his conviction did not translate into his taking responsibility for the deal, and Cassian had been left to do the negotiating. Three killings later and Cassian had decided they were ready to listen. But maybe it wasn't the Koreans, Bodhi thought he had seen a cop car in the vicinity of the last body they had dropped. Maybe the cops had found them out!
Cassian melted out of the darkness and slid into the backseat. Bodhi let out a sigh of relief. Cassian signaled for them to get moving.
Bodhi pulled away smoothly, almost on autopilot. Cassians face betrayed nothing, but since he wasn’t bloody Bodhi figured the result of the meeting had been satisfactory.
He should probably feel better about that. He was glad Cassian wasn't hurt, but the leadership was becoming increasingly erratic. As they lost focus, the collateral damage was skyrocketing. You could only drop so many bodies before the cops started looking. He glanced in the rearview mirror, no sign of pursuit and his passenger was making a passable attempt at looking asleep. Cassian never wanted to talk after these meetings- or any of the work he did for that matter. Bodhi figured he was just trying to compartmentalize it all.
Cassian was avoiding looking at Bodhi. There was nothing in his mind that would put the other man at ease. His guilt and ghosts were piling up and he wasn't sure how much longer it would be before he drowned in the blood he had spilled. On the surface, the organization respected him, but ultimately they were terrified of him. He was too cold, too efficient and too unfeeling. He couldn't even remember the last time he had smiled or laughed and meant either. He got results though, and that was all his bosses cared about.
The car pulled to a stop and he got out. He let Krennic know that the meeting was a success, and then excused himself, feigning exhaustion. He was exhausted, but sleep wasn't going to cure it.
Jyn was going to have to cancel dinner with her parents, again. She and Kay were no closer to any answers and Organa and Solo had ultimately had nothing to contribute. Though she knew Galen and Lyra would be disappointed, they would understand. After all, they had been the ones to instill her commitment to justice in the first place. Some of her father’s past acquaintances had resulted in the family being separated and since being reunited they remained very close. Galen was slowly relaxing as more time passed with no word from his dangerous old friend Orson Krennic.
Kay got up and walked over to the coffemaker. “There’s no coffee!” He exclaimed.
“Why don’t you make some then?” Jyn responded.
“You make it- I know you took the last of it,” was his comeback.
Fortunately two things happened in rapid succession to break up this circular argument. The Skywalker kid walked onto the floor looking terribly proud of himself and the phone on her desk started to ring.
Divide and conquer- Kay took Skywalker as he had the best chance of understanding his excited technical rambling and Jyn grabbed the phone. “Homicide, this is Erso.”
“Umm… yes…hello… I have some information…. Umm… about… the killings in NiJedha” came the rambling, nervous response.
Bodhi was terrified, but he knew what he had to do. He heard Krennic scheming with Tarkin and Palpatine. This would turn into a blood bath. They didn’t just want to expand into NiJedha, they wanted to topple all of Coruscant, send it into anarchy and emerge as the heroic protectors. He couldn’t let that happen. He hoped that coming forward with information would protect him in the end. He was desperately trying to come up with a way to help Cassian too. He didn’t fully understand the other man’s relationship with Krennic but it had always seemed oddly manipulative. The older man had more or less raised and conditioned Cassian to do whatever he said, no questions asked. Bodhi could see the signs though and if Cassian didn’t find something else to live for, something to take for himself, and soon, he wouldn’t be around much longer. Bodhi liked to think the two of them were friends, or as much as anyone could be friends someone so quiet and withdrawn, and he really didn’t want to see him go out that way- alone and suffering. Krennic called Cassian the Archangel of Death, but even still there were lines Cassian refused to cross. He had never hurt or killed women or children for Krennic. Cassian was efficient, one shot to the head or the chest, no drawn out painful suffering. Bodhi liked to think those were his ways of resisting Krennic’s influence. Their boss seemed to get off on causing pain to others and seeing them helpless and pleading.
He agreed to a meeting with the Detective Erso who had answered the phone. The woman was abrupt and brazen, but he thought maybe she had the spunk to help them see this through. Plus, there was something oddly familiar about the name. Maybe Cassian had mentioned it before. Not that he would ever answer any of Bodhi’s questions on the matter.
Jyn just sat at her desk in state of disbelief. She knew Kay was staring at her but she couldn’t be bothered to care. Not 12 hours after Solo had been in her office complaining about the total lack of Empire informants, one calls her about her case and agrees to meet! The man refused to give her his name over the phone so she was trying not to get too optimistic. He had honestly sounded terrified, though very determined.
“Earth to Jyn, I have been telling you what Luke reported for the last 5 mins and you just keep staring into space” Kay started.
“I have a contact and a meet with one of the Empire guys!” She muttered.
“How?”
“It just sort of happened. What did Luke say?”
“Though the ballistics don’t match, the MOs match some female victims in other parts of the city. He doesn’t think it was the same weapon, or maybe even the same killer, but the circumstances were similar. They were tagged as muggings though. He said he would try to find us the files. They scatter everywhere. This could really be bad. We are probably going to have to get Organa and Solo involved.”
Jyn just groaned.
Cassian woke, feeling if possible, even more tired than he did before going to sleep. He wasn’t coping and he knew it, he was just beyond caring. His life had more or less belonged to Krennic since his mother’s death. He felt like the man had used him up and twisted whatever was left beyond recognition. He couldn’t seem to find an escape. At the rate they were going it wouldn’t matter. Krennic and his bosses wanted to start a war with the whole city. Cassian’s odds of surviving the fight were low. Very low.
He went to check in with Krennic. Nothing particular for the day, just monitor the operations and maintain the status quo. It occurred to Cassian, not for the first time, that to some of the grunts, it must seem that he was the boss rather than Krennic. The man never interacted with most of his employees. At any meetings they had all Krennic did was yell and then exit dramatically and he never did any of his own dirty work.
He spotted Bodhi over in the corner, trying to stay out of sight.
Bodhi was rather shy by nature, but this seemed more intentional than usual. Cassian made a note to keep a close eye on him. Bodhi seemed unsettled lately and Cassian was concerned he may try something rash. He really did not want to have to kill his friend if it turned out he ran to the police.
Bodhi could feel Cassian’s eyes on him. That wasn’t good. If Cassian was paying that much attention he was never going to be able to make it to meet the detective and even if he does, he was likely going to get caught. Krennic would make Cassian be the one to kill him and it would break his friend, Bodhi couldn’t let that happen. Cassian had made some odd comments over the recent weeks about needing a break or a way out, maybe this is a way Bodhi could give it to him. But how?
Jyn conceded the point and went to talk to Solo. But then he tried to insist on coming to the meeting. Jyn refused, and now they were screaming at each other in the middle of the precinct. Her potential informant had been very scared, and very insistent that she comes alone. Why couldn’t Solo understand that? Organa for her part looked sold on the matter. Finally Jyn ran out of patience and told Han if he didn’t quit she would tell Captain Draven he was intentionally interfering with the investigation. Jyn had never seen Solo shut up so fast.
Kay wasn’t exactly thrilled she was going alone either, but he knew better than to argue. He did cheerfully provide her with the odds that this would end in disaster though. 85% in case she was wondering based on how reportedly nervous the informant was.
Cassian’s phone rang and his only thought was I have a bad feeling about this. Turns out he was right too. Krennic had heard through his source at the police precinct that someone had threatened to rat. Cassian was to find out who, follow them to the meet and kill both the traitor and whoever they met with. The sinking feeling in his gut told him the traitor was Bodhi. Cassian wasn’t sure he could do this, but he also knew if he didn’t, whoever Krennic sent instead would make it so much worse. Cassian would be clean about it, the others would torture for fun. Steeling his resolve, he headed off to try and find his missing friend.
Bodhi made his way quickly to the meeting spot. He considered ghosting the detective, but the thought of the horror Palpatine intended to unleash spurred him forward. Someone was waiting at just the right angle from the statue as discussed, but it was certainly not who he expected from speaking on the phone. The woman was tiny. As she turned to face him though, the jut of her chin and look in her eyes showed her to be every bit as tough as she had sounded.
“You have information for me?”
“Yes… umm…. They’re planning something…something big…. Chaos, “ he gasped out.
“Who are they? How big? What do you mean chaos?” She questioned.
In that moment Bodhi realized just how little the police knew. It was a blow to his resolve, but he refused to give up. He explained what he knew of the plan, and the names involved.
Cassian swore as he caught up to the meeting. Not only was Bodhi the informant, but the detective was a woman. He didn’t kill women, ever. His mother had instilled that in him from a young age- killing or harming women and/or children resulted in eternal damnation. Not even Krennic could strip him of that belief. The detective was gorgeous. Perhaps not in the traditional way, but her strength shone brightly as if she was lit from within by it.
He listened to their conversation and realized that Krennic had been keeping things from him. He had no idea just how much collateral damage command was prepared to inflict to win. It was more than Cassian could stomach. He slipped away from the meeting. He had much to think about.
Bodhi couldn’t believe he was still breathing. He had just informed on the most powerful, ruthless men in the city and he wasn’t dead. That had never happened before. Everyone who tried was killed. He was so sure it was over for him, he thought he had seen Cassian in his peripheral vision as he spoke with Jyn. He must have been wrong though, because Cassian always carried out his orders.
Jyn was both relieved and terrified. It was an odd combination. Her informant had actually shown, they had names, addresses, everything they needed to shut down this operation. For a minute there she thought she was screwed, as it seemed Bodhi had been tailed. She started looking for cover immediately. Instead the rather handsome Latino man had observed, seemingly listened and then turned and walked away.
On the other hand, the scale was beyond what anyone had expected. This needed to end quickly or all of Coruscant would be bathed in blood and chaos. She immediately called Kay and asked him to set up a meeting with Draven and the organized crime team.
They formed a plan, set up several raid teams and hurried to get it all started. If anyone in Empire found out they had been betrayed, heads would roll and everything would be gone in minutes. The police had to get there first.
Bodhi was walking back into the hotel they all used as a base when someone grabbed his arm and a familiar voice hissed out “we need to talk.” His heart was in his stomach as Cassian dragged him down the hallway away from the lobby. This was it, he was going to die, just kept running through his head on repeat. He was going to watch his best friend put a bullet in his head. Cassian decided on a room seemingly at random and tugged Bodhi in behind him. He was about to start pleading, much to his embarrassment when Cassian’s next words ground all his thoughts to a halt “Bodhi, I want to help.”
Cassian had done his thinking on the way back to base. He was done with this life. He didn’t owe these people anything anymore and he wasn’t willing to burn the whole city to the ground to help them gain power. He still didn’t expect to survive the fight, but at least he could go out on the right side.
Bodhi was deeply relieved on two counts. First, that he wasn’t dead and secondly that maybe he could get Cassian out of here too. He had the fleeting thought that the other man would get on well with Detective Erso. “Ok Cassian, here’s what we need to do…” he started.
Jyn and Kay were positioned outside of the Empire base. They were entering from the back door, one believed to be poorly guarded. Organized crime was headed in from the front. It was an odd tag team raid, but really, there wasn’t much this organization didn’t do. Traffic drugs, flesh, lots of killing, every department had an interest represented.
Krennic was calling everyone to arms, and then planning his dramatic exit of course. Cassian could hear him. He had put his phone on silent. He wasn’t answering it and he wasn’t going to help. Not anymore. His goal was to lay low, keep any of the most dangerous Empire members from escaping the police and keep Bodhi from getting hurt in the crossfire. SWAT made their entrance and all seemed to be going well. He caught glimpses of the detective Bodhi had met, Jyn, her name is Jyn, he thought. She was even more impressive in action. If I survive this, I would like to meet her, he thought.
Jyn had taken down several of the gang members when she thought she saw a familiar face, the latino man who had followed Bodhi to the meeting. He seemed to have no interest in shooting her, instead he was aiming at the other Empire members. His aim was impressive. Maybe this was the Cassian that Bodhi had mentioned, a hitman with a moral code that Bodhi insisted was a genuinely good person. Jyn found that whole string of contradictions oddly intriguing. His handsome face only added to that. Their eyes met and they nodded at each other and each turned back to their assigned tasks.
A huge explosion lit up the hotel and for a moment Jyn was blinded. When her vision cleared it was to see Orson Krennic standing right in front of her, gun aimed at her. She knew her clip was empty. She was trying to change it before the explosion. She would recognize his face anywhere, he tried to destroy her family. “You won’t win, even if you kill me,” she told him. “We know everything, you will never get control of Coruscant.” He sneered down at her and opened his mouth to reply when he suddenly focused on something else.
“Oh Cassian, really? Not over this, not over a woman. You are like a son to me, and you know I won’t hurt you” he said to someone behind her.
“Not anymore, “ came the accented reply followed by two simultaneous gunshots. Krennic dropped, but she only saw one wound. She spun around and saw Cassian crumple to the ground. Without even thinking she ran over to him. She hadn’t seen where the shot came from. The fight had been over, she thought. Why would someone shoot him now? Why am I so affected? Tumbled through her mind in quick succession. Regardless, she sat next to him, held his hand and introduced herself as she waited for the medics Bodhi had called. The small smile he gave her as he lost consciousness was stunning and Jyn decided that she was definitely going to get to know him better after he recovered.
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Hope Is Not Lost - Five
A/N: I literally just finished writing this pretty much, I was going to rush it out yesterday, but I knew this chapter was something that couldn't be rushed, hope you guys like it cause...you know...this is where the smut comes in ;)
Pairing: Rebelcaptain
Rating: M
Words: 3,964
AO3: (x)
Jyn had to convince herself that it was all just part of her mission to figure out who Joreth Sward was and what his motivations were within the Empire. She didn’t want to think about how good his lips felt against her skin, or how he managed to hit just the right spot every single time. She was drunk last night, that was it, that was why everything he did felt so good, she had half a bottle of liquor, she could have gotten suckerpunched in the gut and it wouldn’t have hurt, so naturally tender kisses in a heated moment would have felt fantastic. Tonight she’d be sober, clear-headed, and her own brain wasn’t going to betray her; all she had to do was get him in bed and he’d be putty in her hands by the end of it all. Joreth Sward was a sleazy Imperial Senator, he worked for the worst of the worst, he funded the planet killer himself and was more than eager to see it in action from what Jyn could piece together from his eagerness. Jyn just had to keep that mindset tonight, and everything would go by smoothly, once she got what she needed she’d just drop him like the rest and use the information to her advantage.
Or at least that’s what she had planned, until a rather panicked looking Bodhi Rook scurried into the lab around lunchtime, his eyes scanning the entire room and shifting around uneasily. Of course something had to go wrong, things were going by just a bit too smoothly, something always had to go wrong.
“Where the hell were you last night? We have a problem!” Bodhi hissed in a hushed whisper, despite them being the only two people in the lab.
“I was busy with the Senator, what happened?” Jyn asked, Bodhi didn’t need to know what her methods were, he struck her as the innocent type - the kind of person who wouldn’t understand what she was doing.
“The Senator audited my flight records yesterday morning.” Bodhi said. “He asked me if I knew Saw Gerrera.”
“What?” Jyn asked, she was trying her best to not let it show that this worried her. “What did you say?”
“Everyone who grows up on Jedha knows who he is, I said I heard of him but that’s it.” Bodhi replied. “The Empire knows about Saw surely, right?”
“He’s not exactly subtle.” Jyn murmured, Saw Gerrera was an extremist to say the least, even the Rebels themselves had separated ties with him from what her father had told her. “If something else happens let me know.” Jyn tried to assure him. “It seems like it was normal, they’re always looking for defectors in the lower levels. Just keep your head down, alright? As soon as I get something more on this guy, we’ll be fine, for now just keep doing your pickups, stay away from Saw on Jedha.”
“You don’t have to tell me twice.” Bodhi mumbled. “Be careful, alright? I don’t know what you're planning on doing to get more information on him, but he seems like he knows more than half the people on this base.”
“I guess that means he really is high ranking then, which is exactly what we need.” Jyn said. “Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine.”
“If you say so.” Bodhi sighed, giving Jyn a slight nod before leaving the lab, trying to blend in with the rest of the base as always.
Jyn already knew that Senator Joreth Sward was a threat, but now he’d only asserted himself as a real threat to what Jyn, her papa, and Bodhi were trying to do. He had to be dealt with, now more than ever, Jyn just had to make sure her heart wasn’t in it when she did so, otherwise things could become far more difficult than they already were.
As dinner time drew closer, Cassian began to get a bit antsy; he found it hard to keep still and focus on the files in front of him, knowing that a dalliance with Jyn Erso was on the horizon. He was a spy, he'd done this more times than he cared to remember, seducing someone into bed for secrets wasn't the problem, it was that damned look he gave her the night before, and those words she'd elicited from him that made him want to posses something he knew he couldn't have. Jyn was a loyal member to the Empire since birth, or so it seemed; his cover as Joreth Sward could have been was drew her in since it was always about status and power within the Empire, the minute she discovered his true nature things would be different, and by the end of three months that day would come. For now, he couldn't let the delusion of Jyn genuinely wanting to be with him cloud his thoughts, she could just want a one night stand for all he knew; though no matter what happened, he had to remember that all of this was a lie.
He was on his way out to go grab something to eat, though it was mostly to keep his mind distracted from lingering thoughts on Jyn when Kaytoo walked through the door, his new coat of paint seeming to shine even more than beforehand.
“I cannot wait to leave this place, those infernal service droids are obsessed with keeping the rest of us spotless.” Kaytoo complained. “Either way, a message came through for you Captain, it’s from Mon Mothma.”
The messages Cassian received were almost always from General Draven, so a message from the Chancellor of the Rebel Alliance was more than strange. Kaytoo grabbed Cassian’s data pad that he brought with him from the base for the sole purpose of sending and receiving messages, he uploaded Mon Mothma message to it and handed it back to Cassian for him to read over.
‘Captain Andor, the orders that General Draven has given you has come to my attention; Galen Erso is to be brought back to Yavin 4 alive to stand trial before all of the senators. From your reports, Erso is possibly in contact with Saw Gerrera who is a fiercely dedicated rebel, someone who wouldn’t speak to an Imperial scientist civilly unless they were proved to be rebels themselves by Saw. Erso is a possible ally that we need in the alliance now more than ever, especially with his knowledge of this supposed super weapon. Extract Erso from Eadu as soon as the chance presents himself.’
This only made things far more complicated than they already were. It was one thing when his mission was to kill Galen Erso, now to save him and bring him to the alliance - that meant exposing his cover and earning trust as Cassian, not as Joreth Sward. For the first time since joining the alliance and becoming a spy, he had to trust someone else with his life in enemy territory where he could easily be betrayed. He almost wished that his mission had stayed the same, but there was a thought that crossed through his mind - Jyn. He didn’t have to kill her father, but he had to earn her trust as Cassian and make her see that he wasn’t lying, getting in her pants wouldn’t exactly help the problem.
“Cassian?” Kaytoo questioned as Cassian walked out the door.
For the first time, Cassian had no idea what he was going to do about his current situation, he had to talk to Jyn, and he had to make her believe the truth which would be easier said than done.
Jyn may have dipped into her secret stash hidden in her room before she head off to the lab to wait for Joreth to arrive, she always got nervous before going through with things like these and liquor always seemed to help in the past. She was a little wobbly, it might have been because her little sip turned into the rest of her Corellian Red, but her nerves didn’t vanish until she’d taken the last sip. Jyn figured she'd just sit down and wait for him, try to let some of the alcohol run it’s course since she was early, but to her surprise, there Joreth was, sitting at her cluttered desk like he had last night - apparently he was eager for everything she promised.
“You’re early.” Jyn announced, catching his attention; she couldn’t help but notice the rather somber look on his face.
“I wasn’t hungry.” He shrugged. “You weren’t out there either.”
Maybe if she hadn’t been so busy trying to drink her nerves away, she would have done the smart thing and gone to dinner.
“I ate early.” Jyn lied.
There was a bit of an awkward silence between them until Joreth rose to his feet and Jyn walked over to him, quickly closing the distance between them and just trying to throw herself into the moment. She wrapped her arms around his neck and tried to kiss at his jawline, he still hadn’t shaved but Jyn didn’t mind, it made him different from the rest of the awful men in the Empire, easier to forget he was part of it all.
“Jyn, I have to talk to you.” Joreth spoke up, his hands grabbing at her waist to push her back slightly.
“Yeah?” Jyn asked, looking up at him with her slightly blurry vision, a smile on her lips.
He just looked down at her, that somber look on his face still there, he was struggling to try and say something to her, but he just couldn’t seem to get the words out. Growing a bit impatient, Jyn took advantage of the moment again and started kissing at his neck, laughing a bit against his skin, the alcohol was slowly starting to take its full effect on her.
“You are far too sad for what’s going to happen.” Jyn mumbled against his skin, waiting for him to interrupt her mission again, and she wasn’t surprised when he grabbed at her to pull her away again.
This time the look on his face had shifted, it was serious and his eyes were twinged with something darker, and instead of trying to speak, his lips captured hers greedily while his fingers tightened around her waist and pulled her closer to him again. Jyn didn’t know what he wanted to tell her, but if he kept kissing her the way he was, she wouldn’t think twice about it. It didn’t hurt either that Joreth was an attractive man, not much older than her, and seemed to know exactly what he wanted when it came to intimacy; at least she knew she wouldn’t have a bad time with him. She didn’t know where his sudden desire came from, but she wasn’t complaining when his lips strayed from hers and started to kiss down her neck the way he was the night before, the kind that elicited moans from her beyond her control. The moans seemed to make him pursue her even more, pushing her up against her desk, Jyn hearing some things fall to the ground as he did so - she needed to clean off her desk anyway.
While all of the others were still up in the mountains with her father, there was still the very strong possibility of someone just walking by and seeing them in such compromising positions, and while it wasn’t exactly against the rules for Jyn and Joreth to be like this, it was discouraged. Not to mention the last thing she wanted with his lips on her like that was for their time together to be interrupted and the moment lost, she liked him much better like this than with that sad look on his face.
“We should take this somewhere else.” Jyn was a bit breathless as she spoke now, all her energy focused on biting back loud moans from escaping her lips. “My room is closer.”
“Whatever you say.” Joreth replied, mumbled against the base of her neck.
“You’re going to have to stop kissing me like that.” Jyn laughed, her hands moving to his shoulders to push him away from her slightly. “Come on.” She reached down and grabbed one of his hands, leading him out of the lab and back to her room.
She shouldn’t have been so giddy and excited about the events unfolding, but she was.
Jyn caught Joreth off guard as soon as they entered her room, the doors sliding shut and locking behind them. She guided him right to her bed and pushed him down onto it, no hesitation in her actions and her grinning like a fool as she climbed into his lap, straddling him and continuing their kissing.
“You’ve been drinking.” He mumbled against her lips, though Jyn could see the barest hints of a smirk playing on his lips.
“Maybe I have.” Jyn replied. “Do you want some?”
“No, I don’t want to be drunk for this.” He replied more confidently now, resembling more of the side of himself that Jyn saw last night.
Jyn fought back a blush, or tried to at least, she knew she failed when Joreth’s face lit up with a warm smile as he was looking up at her. He didn’t say anything thankfully, he just initiated another kiss, this time it was sweet and slow, something almost tender that caught Jyn off guard from the playfulness of the moment that she had initiated. Joreth wrapped his hands around her waist gently, and just the slightest amount of pressure to her was enough to guide Jyn down onto her bed while Joreth climbed on top of her and took control. He was tender, far beyond what she expected to come from him, no one in the Empire was sweet or gentle in any capacity - Joreth was different, and it certainly didn’t help her situation of keeping her heart out of the whole ordeal. If anything the drinking managed to make her feelings flare up even more.
His fingers started to tug at the bottom of her tunic, gently lifting it up inch by inch until Jyn grabbed ahold of it from him and ripped it off herself, tossing it aside on the floor. He didn’t touch her after that, it almost made her wonder if she misread something about the situation, it also made her a bit self conscious about being so bold and choosing to not wear a bra or band of any kind. He just looked at her, his eyes studying every inch of her skin, Jyn feeling the urge to cover herself back up after being so stupidly bold, but he saw her hand move and he gently took ahold of it, leaning down and continuing his mission of kisses down her chest.
“You’re beautiful, Jyn.” Joreth mumbled when he pulled away from her for just a moment, his hungry eyes locked on hers.
Jyn couldn’t think of anything as a reply, she didn’t really have time to as he reached up and undid the simple bun in her hair, letting it cascade down just barely past her shoulders, then starting the process of kissing down her chest again. He paused when he reached her breasts for just a moment before he went and took one into his mouth, his hand on the other and massaging it. He got louder moans from her when he started to take his time with both actions, his thumb grazing over one of her nipples while his tongue paid attention to the other. She might have moaned a bit louder than she intended to, perhaps loud enough for one of her neighbors to hear, though most people were likely still working, but everything just felt too damn good with his hands on her. He eventually switched sides and everything was still far too sensitive and electric for Jyn to truly contain herself.
Joreth pulled away for just a moment, and Jyn took the opportunity to grab at the bottom of his uniform shirt and tug it up over his head herself. She had to admit that she was a bit shocked by what she saw he was hiding underneath that shirt. He was a Senator, so what was he doing with all of these scars on nearly every inch of his body. Joreth knew she was studying them, he appeared almost as self conscious about them as Jyn had felt when she’d taken her shirt off. She let her fingers lightly trace over a few of them while she continued to stare in silence, noticing him tense up, Jyn finally found the words to say.
“They’re beautiful.” She mumbled while he looked at her curiously. “They tell a story, maybe I’ll get to hear about them sometime.”
She didn’t give him time to reply as she started pressing kisses to the scars she could reach, tracing the others down his back with her hands while Joreth returned to kissing her neck. Jyn wasn’t sure how long they were like this, it seemed like an eternity, enough for her to get comfortable being so bare in front of him, and then he pulled away to kiss down her stomach, pulling her pants down slowly as he did so. Jyn didn’t feel so self conscious this time for some reason when he tossed her pants to the side, she didn’t even mind when he started kissing up her legs, nipping at the inside of her thighs to leave marks behind. He finally got a reaction out of her when his kissed right at her core, his hot breath seeping through her underwear and causing a small moan to escape from her lips.
Joreth repeated the whole process painfully slowly down her other leg, though this time when he reached her core again, he pulled her underwear down slightly, glancing up at Jyn for approval. She gave him a nod though she wasn’t sure what he was planning on doing down there, most men just wanted to shove themselves inside of her and get things over with, Joreth seemed to be enjoying the whole process which was more than foreign to Jyn. When he finally got her underwear off, Jyn kicked it off the bed while Joreth leaned towards her center with a smile on his face. She wasn’t expecting what happened next; a few gentle kisses pressed to her core, and suddenly his tongue was exploring inside of her, searching for all the right places, though in all honesty, everything felt good right now.
Jyn weaved her fingers through his hair and tried to resist the urge to close her legs, Joreth’s hands helping her with that by keeping ahold of her legs. It was a sensation that Jyn wasn’t used to in the least, something she found herself to be utterly enjoying and she wished she could have indulged in the feeling even longer. Though all it took was for his tongue to hit just the right spot and without much warning, her muscles tensed and she couldn’t hold back the cry that escaped her lips. Joreth didn’t seem to mind, taking pride in bringing her pleasure so quickly, his tongue still exploring her now overly sensitive clit and cleaning up the mess he made of her.
“That was nice.” Jyn managed to say in between her gasps for air, a thin layer of sweat already covering her body.
He finally pulled away, licking his lips and kriff, if Jyn hadn’t just spent herself moments before, that image alone would have been enough to send her over the edge.
“Just nice?” He questioned.
“Maybe more than nice.” Jyn grinned.
At that, Joreth grinned himself too as he crawled back up her, kissing her lips as soon as he reached her again, and something about the odd combination of Joreth and herself mixed on his lips was a bit of a turn on. Jyn let her hands travel down to the waistband of his pants, tugging down at them, she told herself it was so he could get some pleasure himself now, when really Jyn was a bit selfish, she wanted to keep chasing the good feeling he’d left her with. She got his pants and boxers off in one fell swoop, feeling something almost like pride when he kicked them aside. Had Jyn been of sounder mind, she probably would have thought up protection, but the Corellian Red had clouded her mind over completely, leaving her to think of nothing but her own pleasure, and Joreth was so caught up in the moment with her that he didn’t think of it either.
Instead, Jyn just let out a series of moans at the delightful feeling of him slowly sinking inside of her, taking his time to test the waters and ensure that he didn’t hurt her - he was definitely different from every other man she’d met so far in her life. Jyn let her nails sink into his back while Joreth’s surprisingly rough hands dug into her sides, sure to leave bruises that would be reminders of her experience here in the morning.
“Joreth.” Jyn said in a breathy moan.
He went just a bit faster, speeding up their pace at the sound of his name falling from her lips. She kept it going, his name eventually turning into something completely unable to understand, but it still made him moan out in reply - her saying his name seeming to turn him on more than anything else. Jyn wasn’t exactly sure how he got her into the position of one leg over his shoulder, her hands now so far away from him that she missed the feeling, but it felt too good to be complaining about the lack of skin contact with him when every thrust brought her a bit closer to him.
“Kriff, Jyn.” The words slipped from Joreth’s lips as more of a hiss before devolving into a series of moans.
It didn’t take long for Jyn to be pushed to the edge again, though it took everything in her power to hold on, she didn’t want to be the first to let go this time.
“Joreth, please Joreth.” Jyn whimpered, it didn’t make much sense even as she said it, but she knew her saying his name just did something to him, and she cried out in wonderful pleasure and surprise when she felt him his control and spilling inside of her, a delightful feeling that sent her over the edge finally.
They’re final thrusts and groans were a last attempt at keeping up contact before Joreth finally had to pull out of her and crawl up to her side, collapsing beside her. The sweat he’d built up caused some of his hair to stick to his face, Jyn could only imagine how she looked right now feeling like an overheated mess. Despite all this, she was more than grateful when Joreth grabbed one of the blankets on her bed and used it to cover the both of them up, making sure Jyn got the most of it before he pulled her closer and pressed kisses to the side of her face. Jyn couldn’t help but be slightly mesmerized by him when she got a good look at him, rolling over onto her side to face him, he was something different, someone softer than he was portrayed to be. In that moment, the Empire and the Rebels didn’t matter, nothing mattered other than how she felt in his arms, looking at that smile of his, and feeling as content as she did.
“That was nice.” Joreth spoke up.
“Just nice?” Jyn countered knowingly.
“Eh, maybe more than nice.” He laughed and Jyn couldn’t help but laugh too.
#rebelcaptain#therebelcaptainnetwork#rebelcaptainficrecs#my writing#rogue one#jyn erso#cassian andor
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