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girlwithfish · 15 days

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also he asked a kinda personal question and i was talking abt it but felt very embarrassed and it also took me a long time to articulate when I cld have said it more succinctly w less pauses and such...felt kind of embarrassed after bc im like why am I not normal abt anything. but idk a little vulnerability is good I suppose. 😕

#he asked if i feel any connection to my chinese heritage #and then i gave some complicated nonsensical answer abt feeling disconnected and alienated etc #Which was weird to talk abt out loud bc i realize i never really have talked abt it out loud much to anyone #or maybe ever #so its weird to say out loud #like theres always gonna be some gap or emptiness etc #And i didnt rly articulate it that well but i was thinjing abt it now but i also dont like feeling #like a spectacle ? i guess #Even if ppl dont intend to make u feel that way but i really dislike ppl/strangers or ppl who i dont know well butting in to my personal #life #or like being asked why i dont look like my parents as a kid or ppl inquiring abt my adoption #even tho ik its 'innocent' curiosity it def makes me feel like a spectacle of some sort #and tied w feeling alienated and even mkre like a spectacle esp when i worked in retail and wld encounter a lot of ppl and would get #asked alll the time where am i from its very annoying and i #think i dont like the unwanted attention and also again ppl idk getting into my business LOL #And then theres also the shame that comes w being around or encountering other chinese ppl or older chinese ppl and #having ro explain i dont speak the language or i dont have chinese parents #its like i would rather not have to talk abt a personal aspect of my life to strangers at all tbh. idk if thats odd #and esp when my personal experiences as an adopter kinda get talked over by my parents or other ppl idk #idkkk #i dont think he rly knew what to say hah and he said it seemed like a sensitive subjwct bc i spent like ten minutes(jk) tryig to articulate #But like ofc i like being chinese but ik im not chinese in the same way as others may be #Even tho i am. but yk what i mean #but he was rubbing my leg affectionately while i talked and listened even tho i was taking like 8 minutes to answer a simple question #Idk

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majesticgazell · 2 years

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Hey! I’m writing a thing!

Featuring: double agent Hunter, eventual Dadrius, CATs shenanigans, found families, and plenty of hurt/comfort! I’ve currently got two chapters of this one out with a third coming in just a few hours. :D

#the owl house #the owl house fanfiction #the owl house hunter #hunter toh #darius toh #darius the owl house #dadrius #raine #raine toh #the owl house eberwolf #fanfiction #i wanna write so many fics for hunter #i haven't been this hyperfixated on a character for ages #or maybe ever #not to this degree #i just want to gently hold #expect lotsa future Hunter fics

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randomgirlyoudontknow · 8 months

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love is stored in the fictional couple i’ve gotten overly invested in

#thinking about the possibility that maybe i can only access love through fiction #my ever expanding list:#bellarke #makorra #zutara #msr #literati #rinezha

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v-tired-queer · 1 month

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OH FUCK MY AUNT FOUND MY INSTAGRAM

#the way i panicked and checked to see what i have on there 😭#like there's nothing on there that she doesn’t already know but holy hell #i just feel bad because a few of the posts are about my greif after loosing my dad #and my dad was her brother #and my dad . . . wasn’t a very good father but one who still loved us with his whole heart if that makes sense #not gonna get into that right now #or maybe ever #personal #instagram #family

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secondbeatsongs · 1 year

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for anyone too young to know this: watching The Truman Show is a vastly different experience now, compared to how it was before youtube and social media influencers became normal

before it was like, "what a horrifying thing to do to a human being! to take away their autonomy and privacy, all for the sake of profits! to create fake scenarios for them to react to, just to retain viewership! to ruin their happiness just so some corporate entity could harvest money from their very humanity! how could anyone do something so evil?"

and now it's like, "ah, yeah. this is still deeply fucked up, but it's pretty much what every influencer has been doing to their kids for a decade now. probably bad that we've normalized this experience"

#the truman show #sbs rambles #I keep thinking about how children on popular youtube channels should probably have laws to protect them #social workers assigned to them maybe #I dunno #they did not sign up to have their lives sold for profit #but here we are #tho #I guess none of us signed up for it #and our data is harvested more than ever #god #high-tech capitalism sucks turns out #OH WAIT because tumblr is bad at getting context sometimes #let me specify:#I am not saying that the movie The Truman Show is bad or that it normalizes this #like all good sci-fi (because it is kind of sci-fi) it's there to warn us of what the future could hold #and it did that in a very good way - it's a beautiful movie #I could see someone with a bad faith take assuming I meant that it was part of the problem #it absolutely wasn't. it didn't normalize this; we did #youtube did and social media #it's us that's the problem #or more specifically: big corporations and a lack of regulation #that's the origin of most modern problems

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whumperfultime · 2 months

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Hey idk what writer/artist/creative needs to hear this but: You can create the most garbage self-indulgent poorly made full-of-cliches awkward ugly piece of art on the entire planet and you're still allowed to be proud of it and share it with the world. In fact, I outright encourage you to be proud. You deserve it. I love you. Keep making things.

#writing #it's me i need to hear it #the mantra i need as i prepare to maybe participate in my first whump event ever #i love my work until i imagine someone else reading it and then it instantly becomes the Worst Thing Ever #whumpositivity

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michaels-two-dads · 21 days

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You know with Tommy coming out as “probably bi” I would normally love to make a “damn nobody want him fr” joke however unfortunately he both has a girlfriend and is married to his gay best friend and thus gets more bitches than I ever will

#maybe he should leave some bitches for the rest of us bi people huh. ever thought about that #tommyinnit

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kittyprincessofcats · 3 months

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ICJ Ruling

Okay, let's get into this.

First of all, I get the frustration at the court not ordering a ceasefire. I was disappointed and frustrated at first too, since a ceasefire was the biggest and most important preliminary measure South Africa was requesting - and of course we just all want this horror to finally end for the people in Gaza. So I get the frustration and disappointment, I really do.

However, I do think this ruling is still a major win for South Africa, Palestine, and international law as a whole and here's why:

The court acknowledged that it has jurisdiction over this case and completely dismissed Israel's request to throw out the case as a whole. It will now determine at the merits stage (that will probably take years) whether Israel is actually commiting genocide.

The court acknowledged that Palestinians are a "distinct national or ethnic group and therefore deserving of protection under the genocide convention". Pull this out next time someone tells you "there's no such thing as Palestinians, they're all just Arabs".

The court acknowledged very unambiguously that "at least some" of Israel's actions being genocidal in nature is "plausible". South Africa has a case, officially. Israel is accused of genocide, in a way the ICJ deems "plausible", officially. This is huge. (And seriously, how freaking satisfying was it to hear all of those genocidal statements by Israeli politicians read out loud and used as justification for this rulling?)

The court might not have ordered a "ceasefire" in those words, but they did order Israel to "immediately end all genocidal acts" (which includes killing and injuring Palestinians) and submit proof that they actually did. How are they going to comply with this ruling without at least severly reducing or changing what they're doing in Gaza?

In fact, this wording might actually be more appropriate for a genocide (vs a war), as author and journalist Ali Abunimah notes on Twitter:

He's completely right. Israel lost today, by overwhelming majority (I mean, 15 to 2? I heard people predict the rulings would be very close, like 9 judges vs 8, but instead we got 15 to 2 (and even 16 to 1 on the humanitarian aid). Holy shit.) The court disimissed almost everything Israel's side of lawyers said, while acknowledging that South Africa's accusations are "plausible".

And this is important especially because of Mr Abunimah's second tweet there^. Because the question is, where do we go from here?

This ruling means that Israel is officially /possibly/ commiting genocide and that should have huge international consequences. The rest of the world now HAS to take these accusations seriously and stop arming and supporting Israel - and if they won't do it on their own, we, the people, have to make them. This is THE moment to rise up all around the world, especially in the countries most supportive of Israel (the US, the UK, Germany): Protest, call your representatives and demand a ceasefire and an end of arms deliveries to Israel.

We now have a legal case to back our demands: If Israel is, according to the ICJ, "plausibly" commiting genocide, then all of our governments are, according to the ICJ, "plausibly" guiltly of aiding in genocide. And we need to hold that over their heads and demand better. We need to do that right now and in huge numbers. Most politicians only care about themselves and saving their skin. We have to make them realize that they could be accused of aiding in genocide.

(As a German, I'm thinking of Germany here in particular: After South Africa's hearing, our government dismissed their case as having "no basis" - how are they going to keep saying that now that the ICJ officially thinks otherwise? Over the last months, people here have been arrested at protests for calling what's happening in Gaza a genocide. How are the police supposed to legally keep doing that now that the ICJ has officially deemed this accusation "plausible"? I used to be scared to use the word "genocide" at protests or write it on my protest signs - not anymore, have fun trying to arrest me for that when the ICJ literally has my back on this one 🖕🏻.)

So yeah - don't be defeatist about this, don't let Israel's narrative that they "won" (they didn't) take over. This might not be everything we wanted, but it's still a good result. Don't let what the court didn't say ("ceasefire"), distract you from the very important things that they did say. Let this be your motivation to get loud and active, especially if you live in any country that supports Israel. Put pressure on your governments to not be complicit in genocide, you now officially have the highest international court on your side.

#ICJ #ICJ ruling #ICJ hearing #South Africa vs Israel #Free Palestine #Palestine #Palestinian genocide #Gaza #Germany #I get why Palestinians are disappointed and I don't want to devalue those feelings #(but maybe this can give you hope)#But thinking about this as a German this is huge #Most politicians and people here still deny (or at least strongly doubt) that there's a genocide happening #Calling it a genocide is seen as an 'extremist' position #And some of our politicians have been borderline gaslighting us and calling anyone who calls it genocide 'crazy'#So I'm just feeling immense vindication and a newfound fearlessness and motivation to be louder and more active than ever #and I hope others here feel the same #I hope the quiet masses stop being scared to say something now

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rizsnt · 7 months

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guy of all time

#adventure time #fionna and cake #marshall lee #gumlee #maybe i make a gumball version.. hmm #the guy ever. making me crazy forever #happy with the colors on this one :)#rizsart

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mike-wachowski · 7 months

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reblog and tag ur answer so I can see please :)

#hello first ever poll how did I do #I know this is kind of a wild spread I wanted to pick things that are maybe less accessible today/have more historic precedence I guess ??#I also only picked foods I was already familiar with / was able to find firsthand historical accounts of #cause I didn’t want to fuck anything up lol #for the record I’m between Roman and tang dynasty #anyways #mike makes polls #mike speaks #I also wanted them to be like a normal/ popular meal that would be eaten by most folk regularly #other than the Abraham Lincoln one lmao

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ionomycin · 2 months

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ligament

#artists on tumblr #gonna be real i want to draw more raw things #but with the ever changing rules everywhere i have no idea what's allowed where #i want to draw b l o o d and bare bodies but where do i not get nuked for that #maybe i need to make a little separate side account somewhere #where i can be as unhinged as i want

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stil-lindigo · 7 months

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the fox god.

a comic about a trickster.

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creative notes:

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all my other comics

store

#cw: emotional abuse #cw: gaslighting #cw: animal death #charity - a god whose name was only ever meant to be ironic #i love playing with the concept of religion like this #im not religious at all but i did go to a christian school for twelve years #and i remember learning about the story of abraham. who long story short gets told by god to kill his son to prove his love for god.#and at the veeeery last minute god goes sike! this was a test to see if you'd do it! here's a lamb to slaughter instead #but the whole concept of that exchange in and of itself is so #anyway #one thing i meant to include in the creative notes but i ran out of room for is that charity never calls cunning by his name.#it's just “fox”. which was a small touch to indicate that he never acknowledged cunning's identity outside of being something exploitable.#but for all charity's hidden disdain for cunning #he still stole all his strengths and coveted them. he became known as the fox god.#so maybe some part of cunning survived. despite everything.#“give me your heart.”#“my god. it had always been yours.”#comic art #hearteaters #stillindigo art #stillindigo comics #one more comic to go until im finished with this collection!!

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sameboot · 8 months

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Simon petrikov coping FAIL compilation

#HNNNGGGNNN!! SO MANY THOUGHTS ABOUT EPISODE 2……#my art #adventure time #fionna and cake #simon petrikov #Fionna and cake spoilers #<- kind of??? maybe not really #I’m so glad ep 2 gave us some insight to that scene in obsidian #it’s such a shift from Simon saying he’d literally rather DIE than be the ice king again #BUT IT MAKES SENSE!#nostalgia can twist your perception of the past #and then mix that in with a metric ton of trauma !#‘things were simpler back then’#SIMON 99.5% OF YOUR LIFE AS ICE KING WAS AWFUL….#I mean in the later seasons he does gradually gain acceptance and fit in with the others #but that just makes the CURRENT simons situation so much sadder it’s like he’s back at square 1 in some ways #WILL THE ISOLATION EVER END?#OK IM DONE RANTING IN THE TAGS

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weallpartyatybcpatricksfuneral · 2 months

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tttyg era where vampire pete finds ybcpatrick and takes him home. sees a fucked up kid and goes. hm you're mine now:) sing in my emo band boy

#on a serious note i would like to write this maybe #where tttyg vamp pete finds ybcpatrick hiding out in some abandoned building #and at first he doesn't like the kid but then he sees the extensiveness of his injuries and sees that hes only joes age.#so he takes him back home to andy and joe and help him heal #me posts #ybcpatrick the guy ever

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pencilscratchins · 2 months

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atla renaissance pt 3 calls to me like a siren

#back to my roots #atla #zuko #sokka #toph #avatar the last airbender #avatar #to everyone arguing whether or not it’s accurate to say they do have ODS consider a few things #a) it’s a joke i made while high #b) toph wouldn’t care she would just say shit to piss them off because she’s 12 #c) maybe welcome joy into your life. consider taking even a second of a break from whatever compels you to ruin my desire to post #and just chill. because this is and has never been that deep #art #my art #my fan art #fan art #is this the last thing i ever post on tumblr? who knows #im high and its 2am lets get wild

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inkskinned · 10 months

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so while i was writing the book, i became violently suicidal.

this was mostly due to the fact that i had a very bad reaction to some meds and my brain stopped producing any serotonin. also i was in the last semester of grad school where it's actually illegal to feel anything but dread. so it wasn't going well.

somewhere in the fog of it i became aware i needed help. nobody was taking clients or my insurance. i didn't want to do inpatient care - it wasn't right for my needs. there's not really an "in between" stage between "inpatient" and "no care," but i was trying to do the right thing. i was trying to activate the chain of command that was my emergency plan. i knew i needed help now.

i used betterhelp.

i know, i know. i'm a straight-A student and so smart and so clever, how could i ever use something so blatantly bad. to be honest with you, i didn't feel particularly keen on it from the getgo - things that seem too good to be true usually are. also, if something online is free, the price is usually your privacy.

the thing is that there was kind of a global pandemic happening at the time and i worked 5 jobs alongside of being a fulltime student and also like writing a book on the side. it is a miracle that i even thought about getting help. i would love to tell you i had the mental wherewithal to like, process whether this was the right choice for me. mostly i was desperate. i was so suicidal that i was trying to find a reason to stay inside of fortune cookies. i was the kind of suicidal that looks like splatterpaint. i hadn't been that bad in an entire decade.

they took my data. i gave them it freely. somewhere out there, they have a dossier on me. on everything i survived. my story in little datapoints, scattergraphed beautifully.

the first woman told me that really i should be grateful, because (and this is a direct quote): "at least you're not anne frank." i said that i felt that statement was antisemitic, as anne frank's life and experience shouldn't be compared to like, a nonbinary lesbian in western massachusetts. the therapist said that i should try to use lucid dreaming to try to picture myself in an actually scary situation, like running from nazis.

i applied for another therapist. i was willing to accept the possibility that there was a bad apple in the bunch. the next therapist and i even laughed about how inappropriate that statement was. and then, in our next session: the new therapist said if i was struggling with body image issues, i should just work harder on my appearance. she spent 3 sessions in a row talking about how she was grieving, and made me memorize facts about her grandmother so "she can live on through my clients."

i am a three's-a-charm kind of person. okay, so what if the last person made me uncomfortable. i figured it was just a misunderstanding of priorities - she had felt she was sharing with me, i had felt like i had to take care of her. i applied for another therapist.

the last woman asked me to help her pray. she bowed her head. i stared at her, frozen, while she said: lord, i beg you: cure her. take the pain of being gay away from her.

i spent somewhere between 2.5 and 3 months on betterhelp. in that whole time, i was not getting the professional help i so desperately needed, even though i was fucking trying.

in the end, i survived this because i finally could get off the meds that were literally killing me. a request for a real therapist finally went through. i survived because my friends saved my life. because nick let me sob myself dry in his arms. because maddie took the razors out of my room when i asked them to. because grace slept over in my bed for like 3 weeks in a row since nobody trusted me not to hurt myself when i was alone. i survived because i got fucking lucky. because even when i was desperately suicidal, i was too old and too self-aware to take "you need to be prettier" as good advice.

the thing is that there's a 19 year old me who isn't like that. who would have heard "just think about how grateful you should be" and said - oh, i see. i would have assumed that is what it means to be in therapy: the same thing my abusers used to tell me. that i am just pretending and lazy. that i am ugly and unworthy.

betterhelp positioned itself to take advantage of an incredibly vulnerable community. it preys on desperation. it knows it is serving people who are not doing well mentally. it saw that there is a huge need for real, immediate, compassionate mental health care: and then it fucking takes your money and privacy.

i still get their ads on instagram. last night i watched as a woman in a pool pretends to talk to a different woman. they discuss her anxiety.

there's a 19 year old version of me, and she didn't survive this. she was too tired, and drowning. i almost fucking died. this thing almost fucking killed me.

in the ad, the woman playing the therapist takes a note on a clipboard and then nods once, sagely.

i have to admit it's a pretty scene. the steam and light coming off the pool water lands on the actresses. like this, it almost looks baptismal, holy.

#writeblr #the book....#coming soon #hey so if ur someone who has ever said “you need to write a book”#i wrote the book #it's ... probably the best thing ive ever written #this is maybe too honest lol #okay to reblog thank you for asking i love u i am in love with u our wedding will be in may

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