the endless struggle of "she's such a weird asshole i don't even like her and i wrote her" and "she's the product of a conga line of trauma and dysfunction" with the character of mayeari as i write her for fic purposes discussed under the cut broad cw for discussion of a wide range of unsavory themes including child death and the character herself having a hazy understanding of boundaries regarding physical contact (specifically non-sexual touching)

she's different in fic bc i didn't decide i wanted to do a play through with her until after i'd invented the character (maybe in hopes of working out some characterization inconsistencies) so her actual play through is uncanonical so that's a choice i made to complicate things for myself specifically

and on one hand even i sit here going "damn bitch how many times does someone have to tell you they don't like you constantly touching them before you get it" but on the other one i'm the one that gave her a backstory that made her need physical touch as a reminder that she is, in fact, a real, existing person who experiences real, actual sensations in the right now. she died as a child, and she's subsequently "lived" longer as a facsimile of a living woman than her own mother ever lived at all. sometimes i have to remind myself that my dislike of the personality i wrote her having doesn't just give me a free pass to completely flanderize the character. she's never been able to assert hard boundaries about people touching her, and she always feels like she isn't real in between physical contact with someone, so it simultaneously feels melodramatic and pointedly cruel to her when others get angry or annoyed about her touchy-feelyness. the line of thinking makes sense even if she makes me personally incredibly uncomfortable when i'm writing her

she's a ghost haunting her own body, and i have to remind myself of that like all the time

i'm planning on her being my dark urge play through and it'll be interesting to see what i can pull from that in order to round out her characterization a little more as i move forward

NO ONE EVER DOES. NO ONE EVER LOOKED—NOT REALLY.

djklmnx / x / Gokstadt/Ganymede, Paisley Rekdal / cokegirl / My Love Mine All Mine, Mitski / You (2018–) / retroowl8 / Mariners Apartment Complex, Lana Del Rey / Castlevania (2017–2021) / Louise Gluck

hello.

I like to think that after years of waking up at the crack of dawn for training, all the ninja are early birds at this point, whether they like it or not—except Nya, who has to be dragged to morning practices every morning looking like a raccoon who’s moments away from snapping. Jay, meanwhile, has adjusted to the early mornings, but is very much on the not side of like it or not. Every time his body naturally wakes him up at the crack of dawn and he gets to watch a beautiful sunrise on the deck of the bounty with his friends, he spends the entire time complaining how disgusting it is that his body is acclimated to this

i hope yellowjackets never gives a clearcut answer vis a vis the whole "how much of it is the supernatural and how much of it is the trauma" question, but like, at this point my best guess for tai is that she physically has a screw loose in the most literal sense possible. like something is not right up there. and i don't even mean in the mental illness sense, they're all deeply traumatized and different shades of mentally ill at this point, but like- this degree of sleepwalking, and dissociating, and losing time? it's giving neurological damage, it's giving uniquely horrible and very strange form of traumatic brain injury. like that plane crash knocked something Loose i swear to god

Remember how ReCoded just casually drops the fact that this is a “true memory” from the heart of Destiny Islands even though we literally see Riku get swallowed up by darkness in KH1, we watch it happen with Sora before the islands get totally wrecked like this, so how could Riku also leave through this portal afterwards

She heard me doing things so she came up to the side of her baby bin and blelelelele'd at me until I noticed her. She greets me every morning where we spend the first hour of every day together, her just resting in my hand and me holding her, often gently petting her head and tiny scales. If there is a heaven, that first hour we spend together is it.

She is getting a larger enclosure for her birthday in a month and a half. :D Hopefully I can get it done in time, as I haven't sculpted a custom enclosure before and will be trying some new artistic critiques. I do have experience sculpting though. My biggest worry is the paints and sealing them properly! Art I can do- but food safe art that will be in a moist bioactive enclosure is new for me.

just remembered a wip i had which was jay at uni meeting normal people and desperately trying to act cool and normal whilst internally screaming about being in a whole new place with all new people and not having his gang with him

??? and her useless boyfriend

Not to continue my recent trend of oversharing on tumblr dot com, but I am very much struggling not to feel like I'm doing everything in my entire life wrong at present

I miss my old coworkers!!! I miss having friends at work instead of passive aggressive assholes who don’t want to train me and then get annoyed when I don’t know things and act like my very existence irks them!!!!

my daughter has no personality other than being timid & poor from the start i kinda want her to pair her with someone manipulative that she trusted only because they are an octoling

thinking about willow/faith parallels again

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Been reading those comics where the FNaF 1 animatronics show up in the Plex and it just occurred to me...

If Roxy struggles to see and process things that are possessed (such as Tangle), and can see bodies through the floor... Does that mean the FNaF 1 animatronics would look like zombies to her? Would she be unable to properly process the animatronic and only reliably be able to see the child's body inside?

They introduce Roxy to the FNaF 1 animatronics that showed up out of nowhere and she's fucking screaming at them to tell her they're realistic fakes right the fuck now. Maybe she can see where they were attacked and immediately tries to take them to a first aid station, much to everyone's confusion. She doesn't know what to do, her friends just rolled up with animated children's corpses and she's scared, okay? What the fuck is going on?!

lovr how chillchuck is enjoying that the party is too autistic for romance. they all think about their own things and arent even near dating territory.

( Id vote Laius and Kensuke most likely to date. Yes the sword. Love that for them. theyd date in a non romantic way btw. friends who sleep together and participate in weird canibalistic behaviour and got married for tax benefits but dont like each other romantically)