had a crazy fucked up dream about 3 of my ex/coworkers we'll call them by their initials (D, Y & B) where we plan this whole bank robbery and it was all going to plan until something went wrong when we actually robbed the bank and we had to split up. we agreed to meet at the getaway car but when me & D got there we couldn't find the other two anywhere... so we had to go back and try to find them. we eventually did find Y&B in a tiny closet and it was clear we were interrupting.. something.... B got really really mad at me specifically saying its not what you think.. and he like lunged forward as if he were going to strangle me but just before his hands reached my throat, in a puff of smoke he turned into a bunch of snakes and slithered off. and Y was just like "oh rip..." then we make it back to my car and I'm driving us up this like mountain with the sea on one side. we go around a sharp turn, there's something slick on the road and I lose control of the car. I run off the road into the guard rails. the car is precariously balanced on the edge so we're like holy shit we almost died. we robbed a bank and almost died and here we are. and we are laughing/ relieved until it gets real quiet and I look down and see that I got impaled by the steering wheel. we sit in silence for a moment and then D got out of the car and said well.. good luck with that......... and Y was like im sorry allie and got out too and that was enough to shift the balance and the car went over the cliff and I woke up before I hit the water :(

^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^

hey you. train enjoyer. come talk to me coward. i wanna make plans to hang out outside of work :3

Ykno I think it's kind of funny how some people r so against sharing that they're into any fan stuff ever with Anyone they know irl. Then there's me. I'll tell my friends. I'll tell my family. I'll tell my COWORKERS. That I write fanfiction.

Like it's rly not that big of a deal I don't think. I like my funny little guys and I like to put them into situations. It's pretty normal.

nothing like remembering weird nuggets of information and my coworkers are like wtf how do you know this I'm just shouting IDK IDK IDK IM AUTISTIC?!?? LITTLE SHIT LIKE THIS STICKS IN MY HEAD I GUESS????

today a couple of my coworkers mentioned they’re watching the x files and that they’re on season 3 and they “love the chemistry between mulder and scully” and “can’t wait to see where it goes” and it took everything in me not to let out a wilhelm scream

my supervisor is apparently going to retire this year (we'll see if she actually does, she's been saying this for at least five years) and man i know i would be good at that job but god am i sad that i have no management experience to make up for the fact that i've only been here a year lmao. if she DOES announce her retirement i'll ask her if she thinks i should throw my hat in the ring but i'm not counting on it

the fucking audacity of watching the pixar short film “going home” while i’m home for my grandma’s funeral.

Today my coworker tried to rescue a preying mantis (it had landed on another coworker) and it bit him (none of us knew they could do that) and kept trying to fight him but he still just gently chased it into the grass and then picked it up on a clipboard and put it on a tree branch. All while this bug is trying to end this man’s life. And all of my other coworkers said they would have killed it. But he was just so kind and gentle and understanding to this little creature and let me tell you it was the hottest goddamn thing I have seen in a good long while. We need more compassionate men.

I follow a lot of blogs where ppl don’t have their age and I get jumpscared anytime someone mentions they’re in school or like. Have Homework. Like are they talking college. High school. Grad school. You can be in some kind of school at technically any age but I’m always like Wait How Old Are You People that told me so much and yet so little in one go

I was already thinking my suspicions about my brain were a bit more confirmed the past few days due to getting irrationally overly frustrated with a combination of "black and white thinking" "a strong sense of justice" and no one understanding what i was actually trying to communicate.

Then the "all your friends only tolerate you at besr, notice how whenever youre the one trying to make plans they never happen?" mean brain thoughts started up after work which only reminded me of plans i was trying to make (with an entirely separate group than the thoughts were mainly about.) Started that conversation again and. Wow what do you know the plans evaporated.

Ive been emotional in so many different ways before, like lowkey panicking or being anxious for various reasons, or like what may count as RSD (i usually just call it the mean part of my brain.) But this felt different. Sometimes emotions make me quieter or less talkative of course but ive never in my life experienced being nonverbal or anything. Idk if this was that but its the only way i can describe it. I was alone in my room, i wasnt trying to talk out loud, but it felt like i couldnt even really type words. Like i was basically limited to emojis, maybe gifs. (That dumb post about sodo with the emojis last night? That was then, i was looking for emojis and found the 🤏 which reminded me of him mocking rain lol.) So maybe theres a different word than just a general minor emotional breakdown for whatever last night was. Meltdown? Shutdown? Idk.

I'm ok now, probably need a break from certain topics, but wanted to get my thoughts about my weird brain out.

Sometimes I wonder if I should stop boymoding at work. Like itd really help my overall stress, not having to be so performatively masculine while hiding actively growing C cups so that nobody knows that in my off time im an entirely unrecognizable person. And then i have two coworkers talk over my shoulders about absolutely batshit conspiracies about Jews and the NWO and Covid being a coverup for the underground ww3 cities project and i remember

"oh yeah, the baseline attitude around here is that Im not human. I and people like me are demons to these people. and they control my fucking paychecks."

Like this shits normal around here, everyone i talk to in this town is super chill and friendly and then backhands you with the most insane string of words youve ever heard and you just have to smile and nod while mashing the eject button on the conversation

I respect your right to leave any of your wips unfinished but also I am going feral over that hint of shirtless cowboy bergara 🤠🤠🤠🤠

You know what? Maybe I’ll finish that one, I feel like that’s doable. Looking at it again I do want to finish it!

My biggest issue now is I can’t decide wether to make the shorts blue or pink abhjshb

free. in my zone. living my life. zooming

.

Last day of the year has finally arrived and I couldnt be happier. In 2023 my game was turned from hard mode and set to nightmare mode. (The universe was like "you thought you had it tough, here, hold my beer…" 😆) Therefore, considering everything, Im very proud of the things Ive managed to accomplish. Im also so immensely grateful for the love and support from the wonderful people all around me, from my friends and family, coworkers and acquaintances, from my boss and all my lovely followers, from the wonderful people adoption my creatures, sharing and loking, from the ones believeing in me no matter what, and the ones that reached out even tho they didnt even know me, from all and everyone, and yes that includes you who read this right now. Im so very grateful to you! ❤️ From the bottom of my heart I wish you all a insanely happy and breathtakingly magical 2024. Lets decide it is going to be the best year we ever had! ✨️🌟✨️

Amos (SOLD) and I are sending you loads of love, strengh, miracles, joy and good vibes. Stay amazing, just as youve always been. HUGS!!!