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songofwizardry · 3 years

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critical role thoughts time again! damn this arc just keeps on giving us episodes like this huh. spoilers for c2e129 under the cut.

first off AAAAAAAAAHHHHH

shout out to liam for accurately summarising how I felt at the end of the episode: I went in thinking "thank fuck, they got away, they just gotta lie low and get some sleep it'll all be FINE" oops nope never mind

before I get into the actual story and my overload of screaming and emotions about it, more to remind myself than anything else: this stuff is all what *makes* good stories. not-the-most-clever character decisions. fraught moments. having to choose between two really shitty options. tension in extremely unsafe places (and lbr, both the happy fun ball and the fucking plane of fire are objectively v unsafe places! the tension and the fact that neither of those places were safe makes sense!). conflict and guilt and character death. all good story material. soooo yeah these have been very intense episodes, but fuck, these make for some good stories!

first off: the happy fun ball! I always forget how much I loved the episodes we spent in there, it's such an interesting (& terrifying & promising) place

I absolutely LOVED the fact that Yasha could break the door down but it resulted in untethering the rooms from each other. what a brilliant way to keep them moving but also having there be consequences.

the entire imagery of the void and the hallway falling away was so good

... the mighty nein's motto really could be "curiosity before caution", couldn't it. these fuckers, I love them for it

can't believe I was so stressed about the golem I was not prepared for what came next!

team fireplane time!

I was paying lots of attention to Liam's descriptions of Caleb and how he's behaving this episode and look ok he's very good at playing the aftermath of all that traumatic shit with Trent and Vergesson &... my heart ok.

side note: this is more re last episode, but it means a lot to me that Caleb was able to... like, stand his ground and tell Trent to fuck off repeatedly when Trent kept insisting he "just wants to talk", and that the M9 refused to let him go back to Trent, like, that is one abusive and manipulative and extremely honey-tongued man and I did see stuff in twitch chat being like "oh if Caleb had just spoken to Trent this wouldn't have happened" which... nope, it means so much to me that they have settled on "nope fuck this asshole"

Veth's high rolls are so wild I love them, rogues y'all

Matt honestly fucking KILLED it this episode, this really felt like the episode for the families to shine, and Marion, Yeza and Luc all have such strong characters and Matt plays them SO well! I loved every second of it. also I will never not be impressed at Matt managing social situations with multiple npcs.

Luc and Caduceus talking about farts is the adorablest thing, new favourite dynamic

oh boy that combat huh. wow. wtf.

love that Luc tried to shoot the elemental this kid

we're just not gonna talk about everyone's faces when Matt rolled damage for the explosion thing that hit the families, bc I cannot Handle that. it's fine it's all fine

okay but fate just DOES NOT work normally around this game, how tf do you explain those two successive nat 20s from Veth, that was incredible and just. narratively perfect. I loved it I was full on crying at this point.

Cad's hdywtdt was very good

speaking of Cad! this is the first time in a while we've had a revivify! Cad's whole prayer was lovely, and I do like the detail of bugs and moss covering Luc. but mostly I loved the detail of Yeza going up to him and thanking him

the quiet, calm, determination of Yeza Brenatto saying make them pay will stick in my head for a long long time

the sigh of relief I let out when the dome finally went up. my god.

hey hey caleb asked Jester to help him with the collar and it fucking worked, finally, after all these attempts on like the longest of long days when they're all fucking tapped. I was not expecting that! a win!! and he explicitly told her it was for Trent!

look it just. watching Caleb's reaction to Trent coming close to his new family makes me feel things, okay, and the poetic justice of Trent whose manipulative words are as much of a weapon as his magic getting a silencing collar is. pretty fucking delicious.

a lot of the fanfic on the last week has had bits of interaction between Marion and Caleb and I am delighted to see that in canon too!!!

Marion: "if there's one thing I've come to know, it's that the good people are easy to be mislead to think they're at fault for the things the bad people use to victimise them... if they convince us that they're responsible for everything that comes upon us, then they're absolved." man, matt is NOT fucking around

I think these conversations (both Yeza and Marion's) are so important bc after an encounter that harrowing the like... reminder of what you're doing it for, both for the characters AND for the players as like an "it's ok" from the DM is reassuring and needed yknow?

anyway I love Marion so much, her character is just. so excellent, and I love how both her sex work and her agoraphobia are respectfully handled and it's never implied that she's less of a mother for them; and getting a reminder of hey this is a wise and caring and insightful woman who's seen a lot of stuff and hearing her words was just really nice! would like a calm episode where we just get to spend time with her soon pls

loved Liam explicitly saying that Caleb bites his tongue and tries to listen, look how far my boy has come

and Yeza!!! Yeza!!! I cannot have many coherent thoughts about that conversation but I loved how he went full on, this is the firmest I remember him being, saying, "you cannot shoulder the blame for this on your own"

ugh look I love Veth and Yeza's relationship, I love that there is this conflict in their story that doesn't have anything to do with how much or whether they love each other, and I absolutely loved the reminder that Yeza – for all that he is a gentle stay-at-home dad – did get himself mixed up in the assembly business and that Veth dove into the Dynasty to come looking for him. and yeah the image of them cuddling in the dome and talking about the uncertainty of the future and about guilt and blame and the potential end of the world, and still ending with "I love you" is gonna stick in my heart for a while

to zadash!!!

hey at least Jester remembered to send a message. it is entirely ridiculous and kinda adorable that the Gentleman is cleaning up the place for Marion.

okay I think that's all I got, I feel like this is even more rambly than usual. looking forward to some calm?? quiet?? no using up all our spell slots? next episode! also the parent trap

I'm going to sleep now. man this show.

#critical role #cr spoilers #c2e129 #text post #this is just an incoherent jumble ok #but CAN YOU BLAME ME #critical role spoilers

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fuwafuwamedb · 4 years

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False Norns Pt 3 (Rin, Cu Collective, Medb, Sigurd, Hakuno, CasGil, Gudako)

Part One, Two

___

The belt took a moment for the battle suit.

“The first thing you need to know about elves is that they’re clever. They won’t simply come at you upfront. They’re not that strong. They need to be clever. They’ll let you lead yourself to their slaughters. You’ll find yourself at a point where you think you’re safe or you think you can split up to cover ground and escape. You’ll never see them coming and you’ll never know how close they are until they’re on top of you.”

Sigurd had looked between her and the others, nodding a moment before he’d turned to the master Chaldean uniforms in the locker room.

“They have things to make up for their lack of abilities. Spells, small things that they borrowed from others. They know that, if they’re caught, that’s the end of it. Never give your back to them. Never take anything that belongs to them. If they have the reason and the means, they’ll come running for you.”

“They happen to have my friends,” Rin pointed out.

“I’m aware. Your friend Merlin was lucky that I found him.”

She didn’t care for that. Her friend- what use what a magician who would flee rather than protect those close to them? What kind of ally did he think he was, doing shit like that?

Was it because she had been around her Celtic team too long?

Medb was yawning, sipping at her coffee in the corner and cuddling against Cu Alter’s side. Cu Proto and Lancer were sharpening their blades, feigning ignorance to the conversation nearby.

They were brilliant idiots. They would hear and remember every word. She’d played more than enough memorization and mystery games to know that they wouldn’t ignore what was going on. She had no doubt that they were forming their own opinions on the matters at hand and deciding their own thoughts on how they should proceed.

“Chaldean.”

Rin looked over at the Volsung servant, finding Sigurd offering her one of the battle uniforms.

“You will need to be on your guard. We need to keep the team together that you bring and ensure that we move as a unit. If you see an elf, even one injured, you need to think like the gods and know that nothing good will come of listening to them.”

“You sound heartless when you say that,” Rin pointed out.

“Have you ever fought a dragon?”

“My friend Gudako has.”

“Well, learn well from her.” The man handed her a set of thicker gloves next. “When you are presented with a monster, you kill it before it kills you. Otherwise, you better pray to your gods.”

Rin zipped up her suit the rest of the way, glancing over to Medb nearby.

“What do you think about this?”

“Hmm?” The pink haired queen shrugged, adjusting her warden outfit. “I don’t really care, I guess? You said it was an opportunity to fight and get those Chaldean masters you work with. I love the idea of getting to show my former master how much stronger and more powerful we are without her. If the guy says kill the elves…”

She paused a moment, humming.

“Well, I don’t care. Whatever Cu Alter wants, that’s what I’ll go with.”

That made sense.

Cu Lancer was peeking in, his hand pressing to the top of the doorframe. At the sight of the two of them dressed up, he nodded.

“We’re ready then?”

“Have to be. There isn’t much time, remember?” Rin moved forward, standing before the man.

“What’re you thinkin’ about this servant here? The Sigurd guy?”

“I don’t trust him.”

Cu grinned, shoulders relaxing.

“I don’t trust him, but my allies are in danger. You’ve been in this kind of situation with me before. We’ll handle this responsibly. Merlin will stick near Sigurd. Medb with Alter. Proto with Caster in the command room here. Then you and I will stick side by side.”

“You aren’t sticking to the plan he has?”

“Plans for big groups are fraught with trouble, Cu. The moment we get there, we could end up separated. We stick to our teams, we have a better chance of avoiding unnecessary trouble. I watch your back, you watch mine. Everyone watches their partner and we’ll be fine.”

“I knew I liked you for a reason.”

“Well,” Medb closed her locker, moving over to their side and smirking. “If we’re going to be roaming in the forests again, then we need to get going. Don’t take too much of my master’s strength, Lancer. I would hate to have one less pup amongst the group.”

With that, she winked and slipped under his arm.

“I really hate her,” Cu murmured.

“She has her benefits.” Rin pat his chest, moving around him. “Don’t forget she keeps Berserker focused on other things.”

Namely, she thinned the herd around her room when it came to the evenings. She could sleep alone at night if she wanted, although that was such a rare occurrence these days.

Berserker and Medb were in the rayshift room.

Merlin was speaking quietly to Caster and Proto at the control panel, talking about the coordinates and other information she didn’t care for.

Sigurd, meanwhile-

“We need to move quickly.”

“We do,” Rin agreed. “And we are moving fast, but we’re moving smart. This operation and search and rescue are under my orders, Sigurd. Anything we do and anything we decide, that’s on my authority. Problems you have with that can be discussed with Berserker.”

The man frowned, but there was nothing to say when Berserker was already laughing at the opportunity of fighting someone else.

Those rune rimmed eyes watched Sigurd, waiting excitedly.

“…As you wish.”

Rin smiled, brushing her hair back a moment before she looked to Merlin. “Get in the rayshift if we’re ready! Proto. I need you watching Caster while we’re gone. You have the best endurance for long hours and can handle the controls if Caster finds himself having to protect the control room.”

“You got it, Rinny!”

“Lancer,” Rin glanced over at the man, finding him pressing a hand to her back.

“Do not stray far, Rin. I don’t know shit about this location we’re heading to.”

“So cling like usual?”

The smile was still there as the rayshift began to start up. The winds were blowing around the room as the doors closed and Merlin held his staff close.

“Merlin, stay with Sigurd. Do not lose your partners. If we get separated, I’d rather know that we all have someone rather than worry about one of you. If you die, I can’t be responsible for what happens next.”

The room vanished.

A large lake appeared before them, slicing through the mountainsides and separating the two sides of the forest around them. The stars twinkled within the depths of the waters, the moon dancing along its surface.

Prime fishing terrain.

“Can you sense them, magician?” Sigurd asked.

Merlin shook his head.

“That’s alright,” Rin looked to Berserker and Lancer. “Let’s begin this with a classic cleansing that will make Caster proud.”

“Gilgamesh?”

Hakuno wrapped her arms around him a little more, frowning at the direction they were heading.

They should have seen a door or a way to slip out of this place already. They had been walking for far too long in these lit areas. The materials and the carts of coal around them had come and gone. She’d watched the ceiling as much as she could. She’d felt with every fiber of her being for the slightest air passing through.

Yet, there had been nothing.

“How many paths did you see on your way here?” Gilgamesh murmured.

“This is the only path. We went into a tunnel before, but it was grimy and deeper down. It was in the direction of the depths of this tunnel. We’ve been going up this whole time.”

“You think we have.”

Did he not feel them going up?

Looking around, Hakuno found herself pulling away from the man’s side so she could press her hands to the walls. The stone was thick, cold to the touch. It didn’t feel like any kind of illusion or trick. If they weren’t going up, there would have to be some kind of magic or something at play.

God, but she hated labyrinths.

“Hakuno, do not stray.”

“I’m not.” Hakuno shook her head, turning around and looking Gilgamesh over again.

The vest of his was so torn, his necklace gone due to whatever their situation had been to get them here. The proud stance he normally took was now hunched slightly, his wounds bleeding out. Her own state of being was probably no better.

“I need to get you hidden,” Gilgamesh told her.

“We’re sticking together, Caster. Archer will kill us if he finds out that I hid and you decided to play hero.”

“Hakuno, did you see what they put over my eyes?”

“I did.”

She was going to be staying far away from gelatin for a long time too. The memory of the gel-like substance that had been on his eyes had literally eaten away at his skin. There would also be no forgetting carving at Gil’s eyes.

“We’ll push forward,” Hakuno told him. “It can’t be far.”

“Or it could be a trap. We should prepare-“

“Preparing is well and good until the two that were hunting us come back. I didn’t save you just to have the two of us get caught again.”

“You’d rather a trap?”

“A king doesn’t falter.”

It was a weak argument, something she heard Gilgamesh tell her over and over again. She had no doubt in her mind that it was something that Enkidu would tell him, but hearing him tell of Enkidu was something that only happened when the king managed to get deep enough into his cups.

Still, whether it was from the being or not, it made Caster sigh.

“Tread carefully, you fool. Archer may think those words are his saving grace, but only a true mongrel walks themselves into the slaughterhouse.”

She laced the fingers of her right hand with his left, nodding at the advice.

Forward again, to elevations that felt higher than before. She could feel the upwards slope now in the ground beneath their feet. She could feel warmer air, the lights hanging closer and better along the walls. It felt right, seeing things like this. The less debris and mess around them, the more she started to feel her mood boosting.

The door or entrance to these caves had to be close.

Somewhere nearby, they had to-

A creaking came from above, just ahead.

Caster’s arms wrapped around her tight, their eyes falling to a strange pile just barely in view.

“Hakuno, don’t look.”

“I can’t against your chest.”

“Shhhh.”

The pounding in her chest increased as they heard metal against metal. It sounded like something was being opened… or closed. She couldn’t be sure what was happening, but Gilgamesh was holding her tightly. There was sound behind them.

Gilgamesh had warned her about a trap.

“Gil-“

“You and I are about to do something unsavory,” Gilgamesh whispered, almost too low for even her to hear with his mouth next to her ear. “No matter how uncomfortable it may be, you are not to open your eyes. Do not breathe like you are now when I let go of your hand, I want you to take deep breaths and hold them for a time, and then release them so slow that you don’t feel your diaphragm move much at all. Do you understand?”

She nodded.

They were being moved forward, Gilgamesh pulling her further and further from where they’d been. She could hear his clothing being pulled from his body, She could hear something splattering a moment before she felt herself laid down in a strange heap of something warm and wet.

“Remember my warning, Hakuno,” Gilgamesh whispered.

His hand released her own.

There was weight over her, but she didn’t dare look. The sound of the footsteps were quickening, making her heartbeat race in her ears. She could sense the two, their storming their way making her ball up her fists.

There was something hard and thin near her hand.

She cracked an eye.

A finger met her gaze.

A very cold, very pale finger met her gaze.

Closed eyes.

Hakuno bit her lip, focusing.

Deep breath in.

Hold it tight.

Ten… Nine… Eight… Seven…

Slowly release.

Six… Five… Four…

Make sure the stomach and body are not moving.

Three… Two… One…

Inhale through the nose slowly.

One… Two… Three…

Do not move the stomach or body more than necessary.

Four… Five… Six…

Pause and slowly inhale to fill the lungs.

Seven… Eight… Nine…

And Hold.

“They got out,” one of the voices from before growled. “Galar-“

“They can’t get far, Fjalar. You’ve seen the monstrous others of our kind in the woods. If they tried to follow the river, they would be found by those far worse than us.”

“Do you think the others are gone?”

“We will look. Lock the door when you are out. The last thing that we need is the sound letting Hell come forth. We’ve left her a meal.”

Breathe, Hakuno, Hakuno reminded herself.

“Careful, the stairs are still slick from the children.”

Oh no…

Hakuno held her breathe, tears pricking her eyes as the sound of a door met her ears. She could hear the silence around them.

Were they on a pile of bodies?

The thing she had seene before came back into mind. She’d seen a finger. It hadn’t been a long one either.

A hand moved over hers, bringing a shiver to her body.

“They’re gone,” Gilgamesh’s voice whispered.

“Gilgamesh,” Hakuno whispered back. “What are we in?”

“…Do not open your eyes.”

She couldn’t breathe anymore.

“They locked the door. Without my magic of use to me and without your magecraft, there’s little purpose to this direction. We’ll need to take a lantern from here and delve deeper for another path.”

“They mentioned a meal,” Hakuno forced out.

“…One step at a time, Hakuno.” Her body was lifted, pulled carefully back to Gilgamesh’s chest. “A king doesn’t falter.”

A king may not, but she wasn’t a king.

Gudako yanked her shirt off, wrapping it around Romani’s face for now. The fabric wouldn’t provide much help, but it would give him something to help with the blood and keep him from touching at his eyes.

Gruesome as it was to think about, she had a doctor to help.

She moved along the river’s edge, tiptoeing carefully through the thick grasses after laying Romani in a nice hidden space. A single burned down trunk would be her sign of where the man was.

She could go back and find him soon enough.

Right now, what was important was getting back to that house to find the rings from before.

Now, if someone was going to build a house, the first thing they would think about in a thick forest like this was how to get to a water source. She hadn’t gone around the house much, but she’d seen the tunnels beneath. That would make sense a little more with the cliffs. They built the tunnels to keep warm in winter, right?

That would make sense.

Maybe…

Gudako found herself soon enough at the cliffside, her eyes drifting up higher and higher.

She could get a good view from there. The trees were pressed to the cliff.

“Just climbing trees half dressed, totally normally,” she breathed. Her hands grabbed at the branches, her legs aching from the nonstop exercise.

Climbing trees was nothing like a ladder. She was going to be giving Robin her junk food for a month after this.

Or- maybe just lounging around in her room for a week first.

The sap was sticking to her hands. The needles were doing little to help her grip and the darkness around her was only that much worse without that piss poor moonlight.

Still, she glanced over, finding the rock giving way to the top. There were more trees and more forest. Mountains hung proudly in the distance, framing the world as the river widened more and more as it went on. There was little doubt in her mind that it created a lake or fed into the ocean or something in that direction. It would be the smart way to move, but she would need Romani healed for getting him up this cliffside. Either that, or he’d have to be a damn good climber.

Her eyes paused as she looked around more.

A tall shape was close to her.

And another.

And a third.

The high objects were illuminated as the moon peered out from behind the clouds, the tall thrones standing resolute around this widening riverside.

Thrones is the only thing to call these.

If there were beings tall enough for these seats… Then she really didn’t want to meet them.

The figures from before hadn’t used the woods. They had tunnels beneath their home. With knowing that and seeing these high chairs, perched upon a high cliff like this, then that meant these beings were higher on the food chain.

One look around, then climb down.

Gudako glanced amongst the trees, seeing several dark circles where the trees dispersed.

Were there more?

If so…

Forget the damn rings.

The rings could be strong, they could be almighty even, but if they were to killed or lose Romani because of their power, then forget the rings. She would get a team together and come back maybe. If they were that important, then that would be the plan.

Something was moving nearby, drawing her attention to the woods.

A singular, illuminated golden eyes stared out at her, wide and unblinking. The figure moved, shifting from tree to tree, their wrinkled face showing more as they drew slowly closer.

It was time to climb down now.

A soft crack of a twig made her take a step back towards her ladder of a tree.

Nothing that came from someone hiding around three tall thrones could be helpful. Not when the other refused to speak.

#drabble #drabbles

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paraclete0407 · 3 years

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['And I Will Give You Rest]

- ‘People determined to keep their inner lives’

- 'All Milwaukee started to hunker down for or toward Delta'

- 'The magic of Half Price Books was gone but so were the racists'

- 'The visions of turkeys - "appreciate me," their insouciant defiance"

- '"Hyper moron" meaning sth approximating to "going too far"'

- 'That the few things which had caught his eye in past were still the things which counted in his heart, ghosts or otherwise. The strange sermon from Christ Church about ghosts not being alive but a love nevertheless but what was that supposed to mean? Magdalen took the Risen Lord for a ghost in the garden but was that just my self-aggrandizing-Christ-Complex-ing retort to a pinpoint criticism of my trivial existence? Moreover were my demons gone or were they battling each other more than ever ‘Parliament of Devils / Fallens Angels’-style out of Paradise Lost or one vice / sin trying to compensate or counter-balance for another and if so & there again was Putin going to nuke Milwaukee just to put an end to the push-me-pull-you I-know-ha-ha know-you-are-but-what-am-I I-have-heart-failure-meaning-you-have-heart-failure Shadowplay Mirror Stage monstrosity and abandonment?

- 'They were trying to get life right for the first time for the first time in a long time, and for a time he ventured in to or in any event towards a space "beyond irony" in which he had a positive or living wish and could perhaps meet someone new. He wasn't keeping secrets or rather was not centrally defined by these secrets, by his past. JEP had quoted inadvertently or otherwise from 'The Great Gatsby' as did General Mattis although it was hard to tell if either of them understood the part about young men's personal testimonies being marred by redactions or self-censorship. His mother had quoted from Got saying that winter was coming; Shanghai-1 had quoted from Confucius saying, 'I hope that my future child will not hesitate to abandon [sex]'s faults.' I was working on 'My First Major Mistake' and postponing or 'bracketing' my 'little stories' about amatory failure. At the height of the self or self-system a 'Sospira' happened - a flight up of sighing or prayer in which borrowed or received - rather inherited or patrimonial words came to override accustomed 'messaging.' Future King Edgar said, 'Speak what we feel / not what we ought to say,' but I'd been trying for basically a decade to say what was right to say, spurred or overdetermined by Colossians 4:6. I was disappointed by the 'genocide-monkeys' on Amazon.com who hawked General Mattis memorabilia as though the conscientious leader of men (boys / lads) and female youths as well had been an exponent of massacre for massacre's sake like the Call of Duty game in which they mowed down airport-travelers in order to ingratiate themselves with Russian terrorists. But I didn't think the children of tomorrow wanted spies or infiltrations and my 'John le Carre / J. Alfred Prufrock Jr.' hyper-fanfictions were only theoretical invetsment-options; what they wanted were literal "Spaceships to Venus" whilst I had long since contented myself with IZ*ONE's "Spaceship" and pictures of tender shadows covering journeyers in airports. "Our Souls at Night" was fundamentally about failures, vanities, cruel reversals, 'Harvests of Sorrow,' lingering bemusements of schooling as well - the man perhaps feeling at life's end pace Augustine 'one's body is one's wife,' that he had no other flesh.. Why had I told myself that love-stories like "A Walk To Remember" were less toxic than my premarital-but-expecting-practically-predestined-to-get-married military counter-terrorism fictions in which people acted ethically almost 100% of the time instead of comporting themselves as 'principle monkeys,' who'd said in their hearts, 'I have to do this; I do this - therefore, I rain chaos and "War without Mercy" on everything and everyone else & why would I follow one rule unless to blow apart another.' My ex-boss had said, 'What do couples talk about?' IT's your kids stupid! Except Jewish couples talked about non-Jews - everyone were tribal hacks going Gr. "hyper moron." But, with him and her, I had had an atheist's heart and an 'expressive-individualist-Milleniial-complaint-self-consciousness-JZM-O-Sole-Mio-CCP-revenge-Faustian-Pact-monkey''s tongue.' Atheism, Satanism, demon-summons + infections, metatstatic death-cult Scientism, blasphemy of Spirit, sons and daughter of destruction. B. and I had kept quoting Moshe Rabbenu, 'Heaven and Earth as witnesses AGAINST you - that ye shall surely die!' And they totally massively desperately loved Mao; adored 'Parasite,' - an ecstatic orgasmic rapturous 'yes' to WW3

'A Final Love'

'That do'st prefer the upright heart and pure... sing Heav’nly Muse' - and I remembered Penn Station New York in view of CS Lewis on 'Home' - the angel said, 'Divide, divide, divide' - I wanted to abandon PhiEd and attempts to change some minds forever; my own heart was here with a dream of there. [German submachinegun] made me feel secure but in this apostolic-revelatory new century the naked or dove-silvered dreamers hesitate through fraught cold forests searching for an Eastern Empire & I remembered 'Crowns of Glory,' wanting to be the First Gentleman of the United States by 2056. Tender shadows + the pleasure of helping people like the pleasure of thinking that you know the truth. We consecrate sometimes and sometimes merely symbolize or indicate or theorize; 'maybe mine.'

I am crossing the bridge - the mountain-divide - Chinese rocket with the guy-wire 'That's not even it' - the Gothic spire went straight up; was I tempting God like 'Paradise Regained?' - the little children had moved me to simplify my language then I happened across 'may reticulate "nay come on take the chance of anger..'" I discussed the anguish of King Hezekiah and forgot again; I canceled my parents, fathered my brother. Isaiah 38:15. Shadows in Madison WI and a dream of 2 angels over mountain; Uchida Mitsuko's D-960, sobbing, ‘why already do I have to die; have I taken the Westward path; why did I ot get married; why did I not move out; why am I still writing music instead of living a life of love in material and physical and marital and domestic and all other respects?’ His anguish in a distant way I see now is like that of Cui Jian in ‘Yi wuo suo yo’ - ‘I have nothing.’ At the moment of peak creativity or ‘spiritual productive power’ he confronted the end of his life on this Earth, rather than the lodestone or seed of a future which would allow him to ‘make it big.’

I had left behind sacred professions esp. jurisprudence; possibly because my underlying vocation had been for the priesthood or at least my most basic identity was Christian and I had attempted to bypass this, preoccupied with ‘getting established,’ as if one had to be a man in full before making the simplest purest decision.

I imagined eating bread with honey and an egg for breakfast at Memorial Union and then studying all day but I could not determine my mind to be filled with the details of the legal code instead of bringing forth something out of myself or in the end succeeding as a writer. My experiences at law school orientations had been discouraging; I had no idea what my prospective future classmates really stood for or meant by their words or ‘speech-acts’ except that they were utterly intent on making much of themselves and their lives or their time on this Earth; they seemed to be ‘capering; jet-set kiddies.’ A Dept. of State spouse seemed to brag or revel in her international experience / exposure. I met a Korean who was married to a Japanese and who had experienced a stroke at a comparatively young age (due, I can only infer in retrospect and after 11 years, to extreme militation of one soul or spirit against another); I perceived that his habit of telling the same story to everyone he met might have been unconscious, as if he kept forgetting that he already said or had lost track of the fact that he was being artificial. After receiving the first and the second Pfizer jabs I started to perceive the blood in my own brain and several times became severely concerned of an impending stroke or other failure of the circulatory system. I worried too that fasting had thinned my skull and rendered my brain over-sensitive to external electric fields.

We talked for a little while and walked out in the night together; it was a sacred experience; however, I had no expectation we would really become friends or meet again.

I had read 'The Executioner's Song' and seen 'Michael Clayton' about getting out of Milwaukee and pure blonde Charity-receptive girls of 2007 seemed to be gone though I could've made some listen in '16...

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bartsugsy · 7 years

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I know it's a slightly contentious point but given all this talk about Robert needing redemption - do you think Aaron has redeemed himself now? I know that the narrative doesn't really suggest he needs to, but he's got a pretty violent temper and has no difficulty throwing wrenches and beating the crap out of Robert because he's angry. I'd quite like them to acknowledge that and apologise, but it's unlikely as the show doesn't really recognise male on male violence as problematic.

hello this is an essay i’m sure we’re all shocked

ok like...

i need to disect this ask a little because i think the fundamental point it’s missing is how aaron’s violent tendencies has been used in the context of rob and aaron’s relationship vs how robert’s horrible decision making tendencies have been

so like... aaron throwing that wrench at robert’s head was the most horrifying thing i’ve seen all year and genuinely terrible but it was also used specifically to show just how much their relationship has disintegrated. like. that was the thing that made aaron get out - understanding that his mh had gotten to a place where he ended up violently attacking his husband and that their relationship had gotten so toxicly bad that it was going to end up literally killing one or both of them

it was the big sign that they were over, tbh

his violence towards isn’t used as a consistent problem in their relationship and if it was that would be a very serious problem. but, the whole point of that moment was that their relationship had become untenable and that the only thing they could do was break up

what i’m saying is i don’t think they necessarily need to redeem aaron for that moment, certainly not in the same way as they’re redeeming rob, because this isn’t a part of their relationship. it was a sign that their relationship had become something very different. it was a story tool to show how low aaron’s mh had sunk and what this relationship was doing to him - and the big pre-emptive reason why since then he’s tried (and failed) to stay away from robert as much as possible, why he absolutely refuses to go back there, why he literally said to liv that he’d spoken with his therapist and understood that that relationship was what he wanted, but absolutely not what he needed

the conversation aaron and rob have after aaron attacks rob says a similar sentiment - that aaron doesn’t deserve to feel the way he feels and that rob doesn’t deserve to deal with aaron having violent outbursts, which is what had just happened.

after everything - buying drugs, the self harming again, the coldness towards robert, it took almost literally killing robert, an actual act of classic aaron dingle-violence directed towards someone he would never fucking direct it towards under any other circumstances, for aaron to call it a day.

basically - this ask sort of implies (unintentionally?) that aaron would genuinely physically abuse robert in any other situation other than this very very specific and fraught one and that he wouldn’t immediately break up with robert and distance himself from the entire relationship afterwards, which i don’t believe is true. and if it is true then that’s a whole other fuckin Issue.

like. he’s not consistently throwing wrenches at robert, or beating him up on a regular basis. that’s not what this is and you... sort of make it sound like it is.... and there’s a big difference

but it’s not who aaron is and that’s not what their relationship is.

again - it was horrifying, but it’s not a running theme in their relationship (it’s also ur standard highly overdramatic soap storytelling)

(and i shouldn’t need to mention this but tumblr constantly makes me feel like i have to - obviously we’re working under soap morality here and not real world morality. irl aaron would have left robert the second he fuckin admitted to pushing a girl to her death. like. jesus. but it’s a soap.)

anywayyyy, contrast this with why robert is getting a whole ultimate redemption storyline - for every life he’s ruined, every bad decision he’s made. i think... on multiple occasions, aaron’s mh has deteriorated to the point where he’s, on multiple occassions, done impulsively terrible things in reaction to robert and has himself called out that that can’t continue, literally went to prison because of one of those times - and on a less extreme level, they’ve had the rockiest relationship in the world. like. there’s a reason why i started writing the break up guide - because they break up or almost break up a lot. a lot.

narratively that has almost always been attributed to robert’s actions and even when it’s been more directly out of something aaron has done, typically you can still trace that back to aaron working off the assumption that rob will do something terrible, because of his past decisions. rob is who he is - he has cheated on everyone, he has threatened people, attacked people, tried to kill people, done dodgy shit - he’s... well, you know, he plays the role of a typical long term soap villain.

narratively speaking

- and again, i feel like definitely need to be clear that i’m talking about what they’re trying to do and have done narratively, as part of the story, not what i myself think about these characters or whatever - this isn’t about me thinking that robert is the worst person in the entire fucking world and aaron is a blameless angel who has never done a thing wrong and i’m certainly not implying that robert and aaron’s relationship is inherently terrible and damaging to aaron

what i’m saying is that robert makes decisions without thought to the consequences and that makes him a fun character to put in different situations and also a compelling romanctic hero when we see that the one person who he does try to consider, who he does genuinely care about, who he does not want to hurt, is the person he’s in love with.

yes, the unintended consequences of robert’s decisions pushed aaron into a place where his mental health had entirely deteriorated and ultimately destroyed their entire relationship. this wasn’t ever ever what robert had intended and as a result of understanding how his decisions had caused aaron pain - the one thing he never wanted to do - he’s basically propelled himself towards a fucking breakdown.

he didn’t have a breakdown after literally killing someone. hurting aaron, though? remember how, during the reveal, robert says that aaron couldn’t hate him any more than he hates himself? this is literally all just.. a result of this.

but it’s led to robert making even more bad decisions. there’s never been a point where robert has sat down and honestly taken a look at why things have turned out this way

- just as aaron needed to almost fuckin full on murder robert to get the wake up call and also strength to completely break up with robert (and we know that usually they’re horrible at staying away from one another, so narratively speaking it did have to be that damn dramatic to make aaron’s attitude since believable), rob needs something that will be a wake up call to him to get him to change enough

because if he doesn’t change? he’s dooming himself to be god damn miserable for the rest of his life and worse than that, he’s going to destroy a lot of people in the process

he needs to hit rock bottom and he needs to be able to take a look at how his decisions affect other people, aaron and everyone else around him. the incident alone, aaron falling apart, the break up - that wasn’t enough for robert to understand, because all robert is really able to understand or face at the moment is that he’s in a shit load of pain and doesn’t want to think about it

so instead he’s acting out (like a child) and avoiding everything completely and instead dedicating himself to his og goal of taking home farm (conveniently narratively tying in his 2015 actions to his current decisions)

basically, robert needs to redeem himself for everything and change because:

the show has made it clear that actually aaron and robert won’t work while robert is still acting as recklessly as he does with other people’s feelings and well-being - no more kissing random exes in the name of revenge or getting more money, no more acting out and knocking up said ex, no more scheming for money - he’s come a long way, the reveal shows that much, but it’s not enough that he’s gotten better at saying sorry to aaron, they need to move him a little more away from “soap villain” and towards “romantic hero” in order to accomplish what they want and get the robron relationship to where they want it to be

(and sure they could have written that robert was magically wonderful after being shot but that would be so much less compelling and so much worse storytelling)

plus robert has done enough bad since he came back that he’s the perfect candidate for this type of big, overarching storyline - and they wanted to get rid of the whites, which had to involve robert heavily, it had to, it would have been insane and a complete cop out for it not to

i’m not suggesting they need to nueter robert completely and make him a good and pure little nugget of humanity, but i think it makes sense that they want to really push robert to the brink and bring him back completely as a way that they can realistically (so to speak) have him spend a good period not fucking up too much (we assume, who knows lmao) and also a good way for aaron and robert to get back together in a way where their past issues don’t come up to destroy them all over again

they both need to go into this with a different understanding of one another and better communication skills in general but... like... one massive problem at a time lmao

and this isn’t something they need to do for aaron - aaron who consistently owns up to his mistakes and tries to be better and has spent his break up trying to channel his pain and heartbreak into healthy ways of coping

robert still needs his wake up call

plus, it’s a compelling redemption story (and hopefully continues that way) which, unlike who shot robert, is actually about him

#answering anons #emmerdale meta #ed #robron #ed spoilers

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sinnhelmingrmoved · 6 years

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domestic ship meme for victor lesgooooo

domestic ll accepting.

I like to imagine Hel has totally done that MCU thing where Doom asks for a kiss and she smooches the mask he is not wearing them tosses it at him.

Who’s more dominant: I feel Victor is a touch more type-A than Hel, so of the two, this goes to Victor. Hel is far less assertive than he is, preferring more gentle persuasion when left to her own devices. In the bedroom…. Let me restate from past memes, sexual and otherwise, Hel is a sub. Victor takes this one by default in terms of sexual dominance.

Who’s the cuddler: Hel would have to be pried from Victor with a crowbar some days. She always likes to have some level of connection with him when they are together, even if it’s just her hand on his. What she likes best is to be in his lap and able to unwind with her head against his shoulder while he writes or studies.

Who’s the big spoon/little spoon: Hel tried to be the big spoon and was thwarted. It made some weird alignment given he’s so much taller than her, so she succumbed to playing little spoon. It’s more fun that way anyway, when he can bury his face in all her hair and keep his arms around her to make her feel safe.

What’s their favorite non-sexual activity: Magical studies and, apparently, mortifying Tsura with their understanding of modern slang. Doom is a great teacher when it comes to catching Hel up with the schooling she missed coming of age in Helheim, and there is little better than hearing a nearly 50 year old man and centuries old goddess utter the words ‘oh, worm.’

Who uses all the hot water: Hel. Victor should probably science some way that she can get as much hot water as she wants for her baths without actually depleting it for everyone else. She says he is welcome to join her if it troubles him so much, to which she probably gets a ‘Don’t change the subject,’ thus foiling her plan to ruin the subject.

Most trivial thing they fight over: Hel ‘cheating’ her way through a language lesson. She paid good money for that Latverian phrasebook. Victor is just so disappointed in her.

Who does most of the cleaning: Servants. Seriously, they’re both royal. She has Ganglot and Gangloti, he has a castle worth of help.

What has a season pass on their dvr/Who controls the netflix queue: I imagine Tsura has primary reign, actually. When she’s not around to man the remote, it usually falls to Hel. I don’t know that Victor has been able to handle the netflix queue in months.

Who calls up the super/landlord when the heat’s not working: Victor already fixed it before it ever became an issue. Hel is both impressed and mildly alarmed. Is there anything that this man cannot do?

Who leaves their stuff around: Yes, the answer is he cannot put away some of his shit. Yes, he has servants, but it’s the spirit of the thing, Victor. He has the ultimate out of motioning at her own stuff left lying about and making her admit he has a point. For the most part, both are very tidy, and it’s never anything major.

Who remembers to buy the milk: Serv– You know what, actually, Victor. He’s a human. He’s lived on Earth. He has exchanged currency for goods and services before. He’s been to college and ostensibly had to purchase food before whilst living in his dorm. He understands how shopping works far, far better than his ‘ageless but only theoretically mastered this whole life on Earth thing’ lover.

Who remembers anniversaries: Both of them. I also get the feeling neither of them is above trying to use wit and cunning to figure out what the other has gotten them. The week leading up to any anniversary is fraught with espionage and interrogations. No one in the castle can sleep. Everyone is afraid of walking in and seeing something that renders them culpable.

Who cooks normally: This one time Hel tried to cook to be sweet. Latveria almost lost its beloved king that night. Hel’s cooking is more potent than any poison of mortal make. It falls to the servants now, as it should.

How often do they fight: A little sparring between partners, whether magical or physical, keeps the spark alive – as Hel tries to climb out the window. Joking aside,

What do they do when they’re away from each other: Both have kingdoms to rule, but Victor also continues his scientific and magical pursuits and generally being a thorn in the F4′s side, where Hel has her reading and wandering around Midgard.

Nicknames for each other: Hel likes to show just how well she’s learned the languages he’s taught her, predominantly Latverian and Hungarian. I’ve already used csillagom here – which amounts to ‘my star’ in Hungarian – which I think is a good indication for how she addresses Victor in private, that he’s radiant, that he’s celestial, something that examines his power and what she perceives as his light. By contrast, and you can correct me on these Rock Facts, but I imagine Victor is a bit more gentle with her, tender. A bit more grounded than Hel tends to be, something to remind her how good she can be, while still acknowledging her power and ability.

Who is more likely to pay for dinner: Hel does and then takes him to very expensive places so she does not get any less than she paid for when she forks over literal gold. It’s horrifying. She has such little money and it’s all older than several cultures. But at least she gets to wine and dine her favorite man.

Who steals the covers at night: Victor. Hel is charmed but ultimately confounded on mornings where he ends up in some kind of blanket burrito. Is he aware that this is not his cape?

What would they get each other for gifts: Hel brings Victor old tomes, beautifully inscribed and illustrated, from when magic was very young on this plane. Also, since he apparently likes metal so much, bits of jewelry and metalwork for if he ever feels fancy, either with some history behind it or specifically made for him alone. Victor, meanwhile, I imagine likes to see Hel in style while also putting a lot of thought into this – his lady will wear no common finery. Jewels and symbols of status, enhancements woven into their surface.

Who kissed who first: Hel. She had to test and see if he could take the ‘interesting’ texture of her lips. To her surprise, not only could he take it, he liked it.

Who made the first move: Victor. Hel was far too concerned about Victor’s boundaries to make her move, propriety keeping her within the bounds of the platonic even when she wanted more. She was unsure of how to show her interest, so Victor beat her to the chase. Sufficed to say, Hel was more than receptive.

Who remembers things: Victor. It’s honestly mind-boggling just how much information he retains, but Hel is not about to question it. The most he ever gets is a joke that he makes her feel her age when it comes to trying to remember things.

Who started the relationship: Again, Victor. Otherwise, nothing would have gotten down and Hel would have just sat in ‘this is fine’… well, hell. Mentor and student to friends to, finally, after quite long enough, lovers.

Who cusses more: They’re too articulate for that, really. Hel slips up once and curses and is mortified, to Victor’s endless amusement.

What would they do if the other one was hurt: Victor probably would not let it happen, having cast some protective magic over Hel in the event of any attack. Then he would deal with that threat to the best of his abilities – God help them. Hel, meanwhile, is as usual more defensive, more likely to shield and focus on getting Victor out of any fray terrible enough to leave serious damage.

Who is the dirty talker: Victor is the literal worst and by that I mean he’s so good that Hel cannot with him. And the most obnoxious part is he is probably well aware that he is good. He can be subtle, too, so everyone might see the shot but only Hel actually feels it hit. Somewhere in the vicinity of her brain, as it spirals into the gutter. Don’t worry, other parts are affected too, far, far south.

A head canon: Once, after Hel had become well acquainted with the locals of the capital, they managed to wheedle her into a certain outfit for a festival, so she could ‘get into the spirit’. Hel ended up caught in the celebrations in the central square, clad in a traditional Latverian dress, her long dark hair down, having herself a time. It was around the middle of the day she turned, saw Victor, and could do nothing but smile. The outfit and its colors really did flatter her, as did her easy grin and bright eyes. And so it was that Victor Von Doom, looking down on his subjects, seeing a new side to Hel, had to tell himself be strong, Victor. Be strong for mother.

#ask #shipmeme;#im a fool for 'oh no my friend is attractive' moments #catch me on that shit 25/8 #trushalodji #I would breathe you in and be your ghost [TRUSHALODJI/HEL]

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jazzforthecaptain · 7 years

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hi I know you’ve just finished field work so pls dont take this the wrong way kay, I'm only asking out of love. Do you have any sastiel fics planned for the future? Regardless of your answer to that, tell me about your favorite tropes or just like, general Stuff, when it comes to both writing and reading those two together. Everyone’s got different tastes right & i think is always fun to see people explaining (or trying to explain) why they're into certain stuff

Oh heck yes I have more sastiel I want to write, don’t you worry.

I want to try some canon!verse scenes. I’ve spent a lot of time writing Castiel, but didn’t study Sam’s character closely until I launched off on the first draft of Field Work. That story was posted this year, but the process of finishing and editing it was about two years’ worth of work.

If there’s a story concept or an AU you’d really like to see me tackle, I’m all ears! Just let me know. After all, Field Work came from a random request on the sastiel tag - I saw it, and in a few minutes the scenes from the first chapter were in my head.

This ask tickled me so much, because I would love to talk about sastiel but I’m better at answering questions than trying to write an organized Ship Manifesto. So now I have a relatively narrow avenue of attack!

That said? I’m still gonna write paragraphs.

I’m busily working my way through the sastiel available on ao3, but I can tell you right now that I’m always a slut for Castiel reassuring Sam that he’s Worthy and Lovable and A Good Person (and for Sam to do the same for Cas). I’m also a big, BIG fan of anytime Castiel gets to talk to Sam about the Big Bad Shit that’s happened in a way that gives them both relief and bonds them, if not absolution (because sometimes absolution just… well… isn’t appropriate or possible). Castiel getting to apologize/explain himself for the choices he made that negatively impacted Sam, and vice versa, and each discovering that they’re still loved and valued by the other because they have a similar tendency to judge themselves more harshly, and fail to forgive themselves, while forgiving their loved ones even when the consequences of poor choices were horrific. Good God these two need a confidante and a champion (and a mitigating voice), and I love it when they find it in one another.

Also, it should be noted, I prefer to take my Castiel the way I take my coffee; that is to say hot, strong, and bitter af. I love it when Castiel is characterized as the soldier he is, with real doubts about the chain of command he came from and a massive distrust of authority. I love it when his battle scars are as relevant to who he is as Sam’s are to him. I love it when Castiel is a sarcastic shit who struggles to take orders even if they came straight from the Big Man himself. And I love it when Sam is internally rage-y, fighting his own temper and his own demons, when he’s drowning in self-loathing, when he takes zero shit, when he questions Castiel and comes back at him and stands up for himself (and others). Trust is slow coming between a couple paranoid war vets with PTSD and a Complicated History so fraught with lies and broken promises you could write a soap opera on it. And yet. Both of these guys are the grand fucking champions of giving people second chances and letting past offenses go - I think they need each other. To help one another heal. To remind each other that they’re not monsters. To remind each other that there are good goddamned reasons to keep on keepin’ on even when the skeletons in their respective closets are dancing the fucking samba. Being a good man isn’t something you’re born as. It’s not something you lose with a single mistake. Being a good man means taking responsibility for and the consequences of your actions, actively caring, and trying hard not to repeat past mistakes - and those are things they both already do. Red_River’s story “Light Up the Sky” has a fantastic quote from Castiel that I think succinctly sums this up:

“You are no monster, Sam Winchester,” Castiel told him, the words less than a whisper. “You are not the best man I have ever known, but you try the hardest to be.”

So, spiraling off into AU territory, there’s a couple things I really like in that regard. I’m a sucker for Magical!Sam (thank @awabubbles!), and she’s got a story series started where White Magic Sam accidentally summons a badly wounded Soldier of God Castiel (have I mentioned I love Soldier of God Cas? Because I so fucking do, omg). Just, you know, think about Sam tending his hothouse full of rare plants while Castiel (who isn’t healing as fast as he expects to be healing, dammit) follows him around like an irritated cat. Don’t touch me, don’t touch me, don’t touch me, wait don’t leave my sight dammit don’t touch me, wait okay rub my ears while I shove my face into your lilies.

Insert deflowering joke here.

I also adore non-paranormal contemporary romances (Castiel is a firefighter responding to a minor fire in Sam’s apartment building, aaaaand go~), high fantasy sword and sorcery (especially if it involves Castiel as a knight, have I mentioned I like soldier Cas? I have, haven’t I?), historical romances, and I hear there’s some excellent merfolk fiction but I haven’t as yet gotten to it. To be honest, I’ll give anything a fair shake at this point. I’m still discovering the fanfiction that’s out there, so in six months Idk, I could be begging for locked-room mysteries or something.

The thing I love the most about sastiel is how supportive the fandom is. Everyone is so encouraging about everyone else’s work - if you wanna write a thing there’s always someone else like ‘YEAH! Do the thing!’ And y’all show the fuck up. I cannot begin to express how much it meant that people were reading what I wrote and telling me about it. It’s renewed my commitment to leave feedback on works as well, because I want to pay it forward.

Sure, there are things I’m definitely not interested in reading that are out there in the sastiel tag, but I’m not here to throw down a list of Stuff That Annoys Me - I’d rather talk about the stuff I love. That seems to be the modus operandi of the community as a whole, and that gives me so much life. I hope it never changes.

Don’t worry - I’m slow as fuck but I’m not going anywhere.

#sastiel #samstiel #samcas

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