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#old study of her b/c i saw her live recently <3
brrroker · 2 months
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if i could be a little older / i could fit made for you
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ororowrites · 3 years
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Scripted - Yahya x Black OC
Sweet Thang- Chapter 3
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One-shot: By the Open Fire
Chapters: 1 2 
Warnings: Language
Word Count: 2,003
Two months later
Candace finished her last night at Dynasty and vowed to never return. She had collected enough money to support the remaining tuition payments, graduation fees and the application fee for Yale’s School of Drama. March had snuck upon her and her application was due in a month for the 2012-2013 school term. The process was daunting because this was the only M.F.A program she planned to apply to and she prayed this wasn’t a mistake. Yale was her dream school and though she was the type to have a plan B, C and Z, she was gambling on her resume and audition tapes.
Yahya had already made one visit to Los Angeles, since he met Candace at Dynasty. He was collecting unemployment and attending acting classes to get more experience to add to his resume. They had talked about his plan moving forward and Yahya was enjoying acting so much, he planned to apply to Yale as well. Candace had convinced him to live a little and follow his heart and talent. Even if his application was denied, he would have the experience and could apply to another program. During their acting class, Candace was surprised by Yahya’s natural talent in theatre. He deeply connected with the scripts and scenarios and she was in awe of how he could change his entire persona to fit the character. Candace wouldn’t admit it, but her attraction to Yahya was growing. Not only was he physically attractive, but his sensitivity and thoughtfulness made him appealing. He was also attracted to Candace and took his time getting to know her, while also respecting her space after her breakup. 
Another acting coach was in town and Yahya made the trip to LA to attend a session with Candace. It had been two weeks since his last visit and he was eager to get into another class and spend time with his friend. They decided to meet at Candace’s apartment and ride to their class together. 
“Do you think this man will make us cry on cue or what,” Candace joked, flipping on her turn signal to take the exit off the expressway. 
“It’s called the Degree of Emotion, I’m sure we’re crying in this class,” Yahya chuckled, scrolling through his email for job postings. Right now, he was living off of unemployment and his savings, he would need a job sooner rather than later. 
“I can’t cry on cue. It takes a bit of coaching to get me there. Hopefully this class can give me some pointers,” Candace revealed. 
Dr. Ben Mayer, renowned acting coach to many in the industry and professor at Julliard, was standing in the middle of the stage when the students arrived. As they walked into the class, he recited an excerpt from the Odyssey. His heavy voice carried throughout the theatre, capturing everyone’s attention before they reached their seats. Yahya grabbed Candace’s hand, helping her down the dark theatre stairs and to the front row. 
“Welcome to the Degree of Emotion. I’m Dr. Ben Mayer, your instructor for today. Please use the first two rows. Don’t be shy, I don’t bite,” the instructor ordered, pointing to the empty seats in front of the stage. “Today, I’ll be working with you on how to convey emotion with your voice, body language and expressions. Many that come into this field think showing emotion is only about crying or showing sadness onscreen or onstage. Emotion is more than that though. Anyone can be trained to cry on cue but what about that makes you feel like the character you’re portraying. Are you stepping into your character’s shoes or simply putting on a hat? Stepping into the shoes is more powerful and more fulfilling than putting on a hat. You walk in shoes and feel them out. So, I’m going to teach you how to do that.” 
For the second half of the class, the group split up into groups of two and practiced different scripts. Dr. Mayer watched each group and offered criticism and advice. Candace was in Yahya’s group and they were supposed to be performing a piece about a couple who hit a rough patch. She felt good about this particular script because of her recent breakup but to her surprise, her performance fell flat for Dr. Mayer. He told her she was wearing a hat instead of stepping into Charlotte’s shoes and she had a lot to work on when it came to emotional acting. 
That criticism stuck with Candace and ate at her for the remainder of the class. The second half of the course was in three weeks, where they would perform their scenes in front of their peers. 
“Don’t be so hard on yourself,” Yahya proposed as they walked to a near-by coffee shop. 
“I can handle criticism. It’s being told I don’t convey emotion that bugs me. No instructor has ever said that and here I am trying to get into Yale not conveying enough fuckin’ emotion,” Candace spat between her teeth. Being a perfectionist ended up being her downfall in many things. She believed in being perfect at her crafts, which is how she ended up in extra acting classes outside of her regular theatre courses. “Are my emotions not believable, Yah?” 
“That’s coming from one instructor. We all have different ways of approaching this acting thing. But if you want to work on it, I’m here for a couple of more days. We can practice. No biggie.”
“I don’t know why I’m this bothered about this shit. But I’m going to give his ass emotion next time,” she promised, tossing her curls behind her ear. 
-------
Trinity was out studying with some friends, leaving the apartment free for acting practice and a late brunch. Yahya was on fruit duty, while Candace made waffles and turkey bacon. 
“What do you think is holding you back,” Yahya questioned, glancing over at his acting partner who was concentrating on whisking the lumps out of her pancake mix. 
“Fear of failure. I think too much when it comes to certain scenes and end up closing myself off,” she replied after a few long seconds of silence. “That’s my only explanation. After all that stuff with Maxwell, it got worse, I guess.” 
“I did this class in San Fran and the instructor had us doing meditation before we got to the acting. Maybe you can try that when you have those hard scenes. It helped me because I get too into my own head at times, too,” he offered, wiping his hands on a towel. “For now.... I need you to relax.” 
Once Candace felt Yahya’s strong hands on her shoulders, she could have melted into a puddle in the middle of the kitchen floor. He massaged the tense muscles and rested his chin on top of her head. She hummed in relief, leaning back into his big body. 
“Instead of thinking about how you can hide Dr. Mayer’s body, think about how you can prove him wrong. Put all that anger into Charlotte because she needs you in order to come alive.” 
“Okay,” Candace sighed. 
“Let’s try meditation first,” he suggested, leading Candace to the living room. “Try to get you nice and relaxed before we start.” 
They meditated for ten minutes before returning to the kitchen to clear up counter space. 
“Ready?” Yahya nodded towards his scene partner and earned a nervous nod in response. 
Charlotte and Tyreik - TAKE ONE
“You’ve changed, Ty. Changed in ways you may not realize but I see it. Hell, I feel it too. When we supposedly make love and you aren’t present...you fill me up but you feel empty,” Candace spoke, shifting her weight from hip to hip. Playing Charlotte made her nervous for some reason. Maybe it was her own fear of opening up to another man after having her heart stomped to pieces by Maxwell. Like Charlotte, she no longer wanted to be a doormat to anyone, especially the opposite sex. 
“You sure you even know how to feel anymore,” Yahya replied, pretending to cut invisible vegetables on the cutting board. 
“Excuse me?” 
“You can’t stand here and tell me you feel a thing, Char. I’ve been trying to talk to you about our relationship for months. But you’re always busy or too tired. So yeah....I’ve changed.” 
The conversation was similar to one she had with Maxwell, except the roles were reversed. Like Yahya suggested, she dug deeper to find that spark that would turn on the switch. 
“Because you talk at me. Yelling isn’t talking and it won’t get my attention,” she shot back, narrowing her eyes. “And the only reason you’re even talking is because you feel guilty.” 
Yahya slammed his hands against the the cold, marble countertop, causing Candace to flinch. “Are we still stuck on that shit? I apologized, you accepted, it’s done. Stop bringing up old shit to hide your own insecurities.” 
“We.... then why are we pretending this is what we both want? If we’re this unhappy, why are we doing this,” she mumbled, her eyes falling down to her feet. 
“I don’t know. Maybe because we’re both afraid to let go of what’s familiar to us. I’m your first love and you’re my first long time relationship. Hard to let go of something you worked hard to keep going all these years.”
Dig deep, Candace. Thinking back to how she felt about Maxwell and his unborn child, Candace’s eyes began to water. “I want this to work, Ty. I really do,” she sniffed. Yahya’s eyes met hers and he tried to stay in character but he couldn’t hide how proud he was the moment he saw his advice working for Candace.  
“I do too. But you have to let go of shit if you claim you forgive me,” Yahya moved in closer, letting Candace know they were close to the kissing scene. 
“I’ll try,” she offered, her big, brown orbs searching his looking for a hint of Yahya. He rarely broke character, but there was an extra gleam in his eyes. This was the first time they had done anything outside of hugging. Yahya was respecting Candace’s space and allowing her to heal after her recent breakup.
 Her heart beat violently against her chest when Yahya’s cologne flooded her senses. His lips became Candace’s main focus as he closed the space between them and placed his mouth on hers. The kiss was brazen, making Candace’s knees weak. Yahya placed his hands on the counter, caging in Candace’s small frame. His 6′3 frame towered over her, forcing him to duck his head down to deepen the kiss when her tongue slid past his. Since that night at the club, he had been waiting to kiss Candace’s lips. Just as he thought, they were as soft as pillows and the urge to take things to the next level invaded his thoughts.
Heat rose to Candace’s cheeks before spreading down to her belly, meeting the butterflies that were already dancing. Their scripts were long forgotten and they were well past the point of blaming their actions on their characters. Candace’s fingers toyed with the hem of Yahya’s shirt. They were both breathless when they pulled a part and Candace didn’t give Yahya time to catch his thoughts before her lips were back on his, fighting for dominance. Yahya’s shirt ended up on the kitchen floor, exposing his sculpted but slender mid-section. It was dangerous, yet neither one of them stopped it. The sexual tension had been strong from the moment they met and given the current circumstances, it was boiling over. From the slight touches and long gazes, hormones were bound to get them in this predicament. Yahya’s lips left hers and traveled to her neck, where they stayed, creating love bites.
“Do you want me to stop,” he questioned, his baritone causing a vibration between their bodies. The thumping between her ears and thumping between her legs had Candace’s mind swimming in circles. 
Sorry for the wait and short chapter. We will get A LOT more Yahya and Candace in the next one though!
taglist: @blackburnbook @emjayewrites @just-peachee @chaneajoyyy​
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cancerbiophd · 4 years
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hello! i was looking through your career stories tag and was inspired to ask for some advice of my own. lately i've been feeling very lost in undergrad. in high school, i was super successful, had goals and stuck to them, and had a path in mind. however, i ended up revising that plan a million times, and now i feel super behind in comparison to my peers. i feel like i lack a ton of skills and that i'm not where i should be (1/2)
(2/2) do you have any advice? and do you/your followers have any stories about people who were successful, got stuck in a rut, but found their way back? i keep reading stories about people who didn’t do well in school then found a successful career, but i never hear about people who were successful in school, got lost, then recovered, and it makes me wonder if there’s hope for me
Hi anon! (Thanks for sending in that 2nd part again after tumblr ate it the first time round)
I fee like I took a similar path to you, and before I launch into my story, here’s my advice on some things you can try:
Break the bad habit of comparing oneself to others. We are all unique, with unique pasts, presents, and futures. To compare two people’s achievements or lack of achievements is unfair. That’s giving an experimental treatment to a sick person and another to someone already healthy and then comparing the results directly to each other. Not a good scientific study huh. Well, we should look at our lives like that too. It’ll take time and practice and a lot of active thinking, but let’s all try our hardest not to compare ourselves to others. We are all carving out our own paths. 
Talk to others with experience and get their insight. Talk to your professors, your counselors, your parents, your parents’ friends, and even older students (like me!). Ask them for advice. Ask them what opportunities you have. Ask them what career choices one can make with your interests and goals. Basically, broaden your knowledge of what’s out there in the world so you can find a niche to fit in. I really wish I had done this because I was very myopic in that “interest in biomedicine” = “clinical doctor or bust!”. I didn’t know that I could go to grad school to study cancer research and then go work in a biotech company (my current path and goal). 
Once you find a career path that interests you, try to experience what “a day in the life of” is like. Because something that sounds great on paper may not be a good fit in person, and vice versa. Options for this include: volunteering, internships, entry-level jobs, shadowing, informational interviews (where you talk to someone in the field in a casual setting and ask them what their job is like), and well-rounded research. Doing things like working in the field or even shadowing also gives you the benefit of learning transferrable skills that could help you on your next step. And that brings me to:
Take a gap year (or a few) if you feel like you need it, especially if you need to gain more experience in a certain field. It’s also a great way to give your body and mind a well-deserved break after decades of school! I took a gap year (well, 2.5 years) to work and get lab experience and it was the best. 
Do not give yourself a timeline. This sounds… counter-intuitive, but what I mean is: do not set goals like “dream job at age 30!!” “a house at age 31!!” because they may be a) unrealistic, and b) could set us up for disappointment. Also, we need to realize that we don’t know what the future will bring, and that it’s also ok to take one’s time. We’re all gonna live until we’re 70-80 anyway right? So let’s just take things one step at a time. We’ll set goals and work towards them, yes, but let’s not set deadlines for ourselves. We’ve had enough deadlines in school already! 
Don’t give up. Things will be ok. I know it’s not.. super helpful for me to say this, but it’s a real point to make. No matter what happens, keep trying. We can’t reach the light at the end of the tunnel if we stop walking forward, yeah? 
I hope those points are helpful. If you’d like more detail, or have any other questions, please don’t hesitate to contact me!
Alright, now to my story, because I feel like I may have gone through the same thing you’re going through right now, so I want to let you know that times may get tough like it did for me, but if you keep going and trying, things will eventually be ok:
Just like you, I was pretty darn successful in high school, also did well in college (like good grades, had goals and met them, etc). I always knew my path was going to lead me somewhere amazing, because that’s how I was brought up my entire life. Then I got stuck in a rut because my original plan A (med school) turned out to not be right for me, and then plan B also turned out not right either (pharmacy school), and then I got straight out rejected from plan C (physician assistant school). I even had to change my major 3 times because of my change of plans (well, one change was because the US recession hit and my college had to cut my original program ugh), so I had to really cram my classes into the summer. I graduated college with a degree that wasn’t going to get me where I wanted to (B.S. in Microbiology, and jobs were still hard to find because of the recession, and basically nowhere to go. I had no job and had no idea what to do (or what I really wanted, really). So I moved back home with a feeling of emptiness that no end in sight. 
My plan was basically to find a job that would open doors for me in the biomedical field. I even got my pharmacy tech license, and I was applying to receptionist positions at clinics. It got to a point where I was so desperate I interviewed to be someone’s personal assistant and they were like “you are way too qualified for this I can’t hire you”. 
And I was so confused as to how I could’ve ended up on the wrong path. I mean, I knew what I did wrong (I didn’t do those point of advice I gave earlier because I didn’t know I had to do them). But I didn’t know how it went so wrong. How did I go from straight A/B’s and proactive student leader in a bunch of clubs to unemployed with no concrete plan in sight? I was bright. I was a hard worker. A fast learner. I knew I could be good at anything I did. This rut I was in wasn’t really supposed to happen. And all the while my friends were going to grad/med school or starting successful careers–a fact my narcissistic and emotionally abusive mother would remind me of every. waking. moment. She would scream at me every day that I was an embarrassment, a disappointment, a “poor investment”, etc. The look of pure hatred she would give me–I have never seen that on another person’s face ever. I couldn’t even see my friends because she essentially put me on house arrest as “punishment”. 
It really was absolute hell. I was cleaning some old storage boxes recently and I found my old diary from that time, and inside was a note. It was a note of despair and resentment and an ending that may have happened… I don’t remember how I got the strength to keep going, but I think I had conjured up the slightest sliver of hope that night, put down my pen, closed the journal, and went to bed. 
So, I kept at it. I studied for the GRE, I looked up grad school programs, and I kept applying to jobs in the biomedical field. I got picked up by a temp agency that was hiring out contract workers to local science companies, and even interviewed for a few available positions. Things were looking a bit better. 
Then I saw a job ad on craigslist looking for a research tech at a lab at my old college. I applied, interviewed, and was turned down. Bummer. Then my mother (in a rare moment of helpfulness) asked a friend of a friend who was a PI in a research institute in Florida if they wanted a totally free unpaid intern. I had a skype interview and they accepted, and I was getting ready to move halfway across the country to be a volunteer with a Bachelor’s degree when I got an email from another new PI at my old college. She had gotten my application from the first PI who I had interviewed with and wanted to meet to see if I could be her research tech. And then literally a week before I was supposed to move to Florida that PI told me she wanted to hire me. Oh thank god. I had graduated in May, and got hired at this position in October. Even though it was only 5 months, it felt like forever for me to finally find my way out of the dark cave and back into the light. 
This PI did research on cancer biomarkers. Working in her lab was one of the best things to ever happen to me: I got the lab experience I was missing, I found a love for cancer research in particular, I applied for (and got into) grad school to study Cancer Biology, and I met a coworker who eventually became my husband (and you betcha we invited the PI to our wedding and asked her to give a speech lol). 
I graduate (hopefully) next semester with my PhD in Cancer Biology, and my husband and I plan on moving to Seattle (a biotech hub) afterwards. I plan on getting a post-doc position at the Fred Hutch Cancer Center, then a scientist position at a local biotech company, and then see where that takes me. Life is good now. Things really did turn out ok. 
I’m so glad I never gave up. 
And I hope you won’t give up either, anon. I pray you don’t have to go through anything as tough but! Yes there’s still hope for you! There is always hope
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lxmcs · 4 years
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·゚゚·。𝒉𝒐𝒈𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒔 𝒊𝒔 𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒘𝒆𝒍𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒉𝒐𝒎𝒆 WESLEY NOTT, the ELEVENTH year RAVENCLAW student ! i hear that the TWENTY year old is known to be ELOQUENT and GENTLE and also very PRETENTIOUS and COWARDLY. however, if you ask me, the fact that they are a PUREBLOOD and leaning towards the side of the NEUTRAL (ORDER-LEANING) is a lot more telling.
                                                         FULL BIO | PINTEREST
tw; mentions of physical & mental abuse, and death throughout
tldr; bio: born to a wealthy pureblood family, wesley is the youngest of 3 boys. tragically, his mother mysteriously and suddenly passed 3 short months after having him due to complications from his birth. his older brothers always saw him as the reason their mother passed and took to mentally and physically tormenting him. his father jonathan — a cruel, sadistic man who saw his children more as pawns than sons — saw only wesley’s weakness and that he never fought back. wesley has seen first had that magic can be cruel, but it can also be kind. the family maid sophia and house elf bixby did their best to protect and heal wesley from all he endured. it’s because of them that wesley has persisted and decided to become a healer. he is entering his eleventh year and interning with st. mungo’s, though his father thinks he’s studying with the ministry. meanwhile, john and wesley’s brothers impatiently wait for him to graduate so the entire nott family can pledge their allegiance to the dark lord. except wesley has no intention of joining the death eaters — he’s just too afraid to confront his family. 
B A S I C S —
NAME: wesley emerson nott GENDER: cis-male PRONOUNS: he/him AGE: 20 BIRTHDAY: november 1 ZODIAC: scorpio sun, scorpio moon, leo rising FAMILY: jonathan nott (father), anastasia nott (mother), dorian nott (brother), gideon nott (brother) MBTI: istj SEXUAL ORIENTATION: demisexual
P E R S O N A L I T Y —
+ eloquent, gentle, pacifist, patient, resilient, loyal, intelligent, creative, cultured, honorable, thoughtful, observant
– cowardly, pretentious, know-it-all, pessimistic, blunt, unfriendly, crass, distant, deceptive, reclusive, conceited, unforgiving
H E A D C A N O N S —
he’s a complicated and misunderstood guy
part of that is his own doing, with the biting wit and sarcasm he uses to keep people at a distance
and part of it is due to his family’s reputation
dorian and gideon were definitely bullies and elitists throughout their hogwarts years
so when the third nott boy showed up and was sorted into ravenclaw
people were shocked
he proved to be nothing like his brothers, but for some that sharp tongue was enough to stay away
he is such a fucking coward
like…he’ll be brave eventually, but he’d sooner run away from his problems than confront them
he’s building himself up to this big confrontation with his family
where he’d denounce them and the nott name
but he’d just as sooner run away and vanish with his tail between his legs
he doesn’t know what to do
but he’s putting it off as long as he can
his views on the war and blood status are very egalitarian
he thinks that everyone is equal, and than muggles or muggleborns are no less than purebloods
his views were mostly shaped by sophia the family maid and bixby the house elf
they saw the bruised and battered, broken boy and took him into their hearts
it’s through their kindness that he survived as long as he has
jonathan would blatantly turn a blind eye to the torment dorian and gideon put wesley through
wesley had never shown an advanced affinity for magic like his brothers did
so john had no interest in him
what wesley was actually gifted at was healing magic
they were some of the first spells he witnessed (beyond the cruel ones his brothers would use on him)
sophia motivated him to study healing magic
to this day wesley has the gentlest touch
his bark is 100% worst than his bite
he never fought back to any of his brother’s cruelty
he’s actually a pacifist, he doesn’t feel right resorting to violence
the spells that he’s perfected are defensive in nature
he craves love and acceptance more than anything else
he’s so fucking touch starved
he flinches and tenses up as soon as anyone touches him
but just melts into it once he realizes it’s a kind touch
please give him a hug
he’s so loyal. it’s difficult to become his friend, but once you are he’d do anything for you
he has a soft spot for unyieldingly kind people
he can’t help but open himself up to those who show him unrelenting warmth
is NOT brave or adventurous
not a fan of pranks
tbh?? doesn’t have the biggest sense of humor
he’s kind of pretentious
very droll and dry in his humor, not at all a goofball
he’s too uptight to be a goofball
although he doesn’t judge on blood status or wealth
he does ABSOLUTELY judge people who act like fools
probably wouldn’t be friends with a goofball jokester
beyond grumbling at them
drinks tea
wears suits and always has his uniform tie
very proper and takes etiquette very seriously
but he sees value in the “simple” things in life
he’s just never experienced them
but he’d be willing to learn!
he’s most comfortable, at ease and himself when he’s healing
that’s when he takes off the tie, rolls up his sleeves, and gets his hands dirty
and he’s very good at flying
sometimes you can catch him around the quidditch field after the teams have finished practice
but he doesn’t play, he’s not very sporty
he has a crup named salem
she’s very social and she forces him to meet people by running up to greet them
he just got her recently (he’d wanted a crup for a while, but he’d never have a pet while he still lived in his father’s home… not with dorian and gideon around.)
VERY rarely smiles
has a resting bitch face
but when he does smile and it’s sincere
god it’s like the sun is shining through on a cloudy day
C O N N E C T I O N S —
(friends) — it’s not an easy thing to become. wesley’s difficult upbringing caused him to develop sturdy walls and a venomous tongue to keep his tender heart safe. however, if you managed to make it past those defenses, he is one of the most loyal, trustworthy, gentle people you’ll ever meet. he’ll still bluntly tell you your outfit is hideous, and he’s a bit pretentious, but he has a heart of gold. 
(death eaters) — because of his family, and because he’s never said anything to the contrary, many believe that wesley sides with and plans to become a death eater. this couldn’t be further from the truth; however, wesley never confirms nor denies his allegiance for fear it will make its way back to his father. this has caused some death eaters or those siding with them to treat him either like a comrade, or a source of suspicion. he never participates in discussions, and he certainly isn’t friendly. but he isn’t “friendly” with anyone. 
(enemies) — he’s certainly not an amiable, likable man. he’s cold and distant at face value, conceited and harsh, and most of the words out of his mouth have a cruel bite. it wouldn’t be tough to imagine that people wouldn’t be interested in trying to see what’s underneath that defensive exterior and took his cruelty at face value. maybe they knew his brothers, who were well known for tormenting him and others while they attended hogwarts. either way, it wouldn’t surprise me if he had some people sneering his way.
(mended wounds) — wesley is studying to be a healer by interning at st. mungo’s, but before this year he could often be found learning from the matron of hogwarts herself madame pomfrey. he was a talented healer, and it’s safe to say that perhaps he’s done his fair share of healing if someone needed it. maybe he came across someone his brother’s bullied, or watched a classmate have a bad accident while flying. in either case, wesley’s gentle, healing touch is a stark contract to his sharp exterior. 
(childhood friend) — a confidant for wesley. they came from a well-known family and found solace in one another’s lack of desire to be a part of the torment they both most likely went through. they were the one person who saw first hand the damage wesley’s brothers did to him, and felt relief and joy along with him when the sorting hat put him in ravenclaw instead of slytherin. 
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trashqueenkyloren · 6 years
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Longass Meta on Kylo Ren’s Redemption Arc/Rey and Kylo
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SO, to begin, this is something I’ve wanted to write literally since Dec 2015 but the fear of being hated on has been so strong that I’ve just recently felt confident enough to post it and I really just want this out there before The Last Jedi comes out so I can compare although it’s so close to the release date this is all probably irrelevant now oh well
So I went into The Force Awakens basically as a blank slate (I’ll explain later) and I really just want to point out a few thoughts I had while watching it the first time that point to a potential Kylo Ren Redemption arc and the possibility of Rey and Kylo at least teaming up (this is mostly just my opinion, feel free to disagree!)
(way more under the cut guys, read on if you like!)
To begin, let me explain a little bit about myself
PART 1: BACKGROUND
When I went to go see TFA in theaters, I knew almost nothing about Star Wars. I had seen the originals like once when I was like 5 and had not really gotten into it. In fact all I knew was that 
1) The force and the light/dark side are a thing
2) Darth Vader is Luke’s father
3) Han is Leia’s love interest and Luke is her brother (and even this I had to ask my friend to clarify/make sure I had it right)
and obviously I knew the names of yoda and r2d2 and other really basic knowledge, you get the idea
The Force Awakens is what made me become a Star Wars fan (don’t worry, I have since then made up for my mistakes by rewatching all the movies and such)
but anyway what this means is 
I went into TFA as basically a blank slate, meaning I had no biased Star Wars thoughts to cloud my judgement 
I saw what the filmmakers wanted me to see
In addition, being a person who currently studies Literature, Psychology, and Film Studies at college (yeah, yeah, I fit the stereotype, kill me), if there is something I know well it’s Storytelling 
The only things I really knew about TFA before going into it were that 
 1) It was a sequel to the originals 
 2) Rey and Finn are the main characters (had seen pictures and was already lowkey shipping FinnRey) 
 3) The bad guy was some masked dude
That's it. I wasn't a huge fan so I hadn't bothered to look up anything else about the movie and hadn't seen any spoilers. But enough about me .
PART 2: THE CHARACTER OF KYLO REN
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Now, while viewing TFA, one thing that struck me and captivated me in a way that no other Star Wars movie had was the character of Kylo Ren. I had definitely not expected to like this character at all. Two things changed this for me
1) The reveal that he is the son of Han and Leia
Never before (in the movies) had Star Wars had a character that was so clearly torn between the two sides. Him being the son of Han Solo and Leia gave him a legacy and a reason for us to want him to be good. We want Han and Leia to get the happiness they deserve. Honestly, if you don’t want a Kylo to be redeemed just think about poor Leia losing her son and still having hope for him (Do it for Leia!!) .
2) His feeling the pull to the light
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This scene surprised me because the fact that Kylo is talking to an old helmet about his inner feelings means that 
a) he has no one to confide in so he is withholding a lot of strong mixed emotions and feelings, which is unhealthy
b) he is tempted by the light side while being on the dark, which is very, very different from most villains, who (it seems to me) disregard the light completely. Which means despite wanting desperately to be bad he can’t even do it because of an inborn light side like a teenager going through a rebellious phase
and c) he is being honest about his call to the light because he has no reason to lie if he’s not talking to anyone, which means he really does still feel a compulsion to be good
Star Wars, being a family-friendly film saga, usually has a pretty clear dichotomy on good and evil (hence, light and dark sides). We root for the good guys, not the bad guys. It’s always been sort of a black and white morality going on, but Kylo is one of the few characters that enhances the Star Wars universe by bringing to light (heh) the potential for gray morality in an otherwise black and white world (as it is) 
He is a person that really should be on the light side because of his family and such, but because of Snoke’s constant manipulation and unfortunate upbringing he’s been struggling with the dark side his entire life. It’s really a sad thing to think about. 
Additionally
While initially hating him, I ended up feeling a great deal of sympathy for him throughout the film, so much so that I wondered why they had even made him a villain at all
He was not a weak villain like I had heard in reviews, just a conflicted one. A lot of people don’t like it when villains don’t fit perfectly into a “pure evil mustache-twirling-type”. I found Kylo infinitely more interesting because of this.
He’s no Darth Vader. But that’s the point. Both he and the audience, in a sort of meta twist, know that he’ll constantly be in the shadow of Darth Vader. So, instead, he’s younger, more volatile, more emotional, uncontrollable, unpredictable. He’s contrasted from all these villains to show how he stands out as different. He seemed to me separate from the Hux/Snoke kind of evil that didn’t have any sort of redeeming qualities at all. Evil for the sake of evil, if you will
The viewer’s sympathy for the villain and how obviously they showed his flaws and potential for good is the crucial foundation of a redemption arc
I liked him a lot as a character pretty much up until he killed Han Solo. Then, I obviously believed he was a lot more evil than he looked, although the fact that he definitely didn’t seem happier or better or more dark-side oriented in any way after this still suggested that he didn’t become completely evil 
After this, it hit me that the ONLY sure-fire way to make people absolutely hate Kylo Ren as a villain and squashing people’s complaints that he was too wishy-washy or not bad enough as a villain was to have him kill off one of the most beloved characters in Star Wars history (who also happened to be his father)
He was so obviously drawn to the light and not bad enough throughout the first half of the movie that the writers had to take a huge step in order to get him to the actual level of villain and add a lot of unlikeability
PART 3: KYLO REN AND REY
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(My favorite part of the movie ^ Has been my laptop’s background wallpaper since Dec 2015. I would get a poster of it if I could)
In this section, I will describe some things I picked up both about Kylo’s characterization around Rey and their interactions between them. I think that Kylo’s actions towards Rey played a large part in getting the audience to think he was “too weak” of a villain (Something I heard in reviews a lot after watching the movie)
1) The infamous bridal carry scene
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Okay my first thought when I saw this was that he was way too gentle with her. Honestly, Kylo, you need your hands to use your lightsaber and the force, so this is much you rendering yourself completely useless on unsafe territory
He could’ve slung her over his shoulder? Or passed her off to a Stormtrooper? So this struck me as very strange, to say the least. To think that he would carry her so gently. But then we see this 
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Now, the importance of the combination of the bridal carry and the crossing of the threshold was not lost on me 
It reminded me a lot of a movie a had scene only a few months earlier (which I would highly recommend), Crimson Peak.
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While the bridal carry itself could indicate romantic interest between the two characters (somebody already wrote a really good meta about this so I won’t go into it here) the additional crossing of the threshold is a step in the traditional “Hero’s Journey,” a set of steps in a literary work that star wars loves to rely on, where the hero’s journey begins and the hero’s life is changed
Typically, it’s the point of no return for our hero, as things change in a permanent sort of way for their journey moving forward
2) The Unmasking Scene 
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I was shocked by this scene for a few reasons which I’ll go into here
a) First off, I was shocked by how youthful he looked. I was expecting a creepy looking old dude or someone with a bunch of scars on their face, but instead we get this young, handsome boy. (Yes, I find Kylo Ren attractive, but does this somehow invalidate my thinking in this meta? No. I can put aside attraction for an objective analysis.) But what I also realized is that he doesn’t need the mask to live, like Darth Vader did. He needs a mask for the entirely opposite reason, in order to make him seem intimidating. Without it he just looks like a lost child, he needs the mask in order to be taken seriously.
b) The second thing that shocked me was that this is the first installation of a trilogy and they’ve already unmasked the main villain. This speaks volumes to them wanting the audience to humanize him as early as possible. Darth Vader didn’t get unmasked until the later part of the last movie of the trilogy. If they wanted him to remain purely antagonistic, they would would have left his mask on. This means that they aren’t going to want us to view him as the one-dimensional cardboard cutout villain, they want us to view him as a human with flaws.
c) The final thing I want to touch on is that Kylo’s unmasked came directly after Rey’s quote “That’s what happens when your being hunted by a creature in a mask”. When Rey said this, my reaction in the theater was, So just take it off! And then he did. And I had really not expected him to actually take off his mask for her, as this meant he did not want her to view him as a “creature” or a “monster,” but he wanted her to see he is a human, just like her. He wanted to create empathy between them. This move, along with me noticing that Kylo was much younger and more attractive than I thought, coupled with his attempts to reassure her (tells her he doesn’t know where her friends are, “you’re my guest,” “don’t be afraid, I feel it too”) led me to believe the Kylo Ren might actually be Rey’s love interest, instead of Finn. It seemed like a unique plausible twist and it was just kind of an instinctual gut feeling that hit me. Of course, the thought of this went out the window when Kylo murdered Han, but, after reviewing the movie a couple more times, the thought kept coming back to me.
(Okay quick side note, my friend and I came across a Kylo Ren action figure for The Last Jedi that says different phrases in Barnes and Noble recently, so I pressed it, and one of the phrases is just Kylo saying “Don’t be afraid” in a gentle tone and my friend and I were laughing because what kind of villain just says “don’t be afraid” even in their action figure? That’s like, the least threatening thing, so anyways...)
3) The Final Fight 
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I really, really liked the fight at the end, aesthetically it was beautiful. I really liked that neither Rey nor Kylo seemed to overpower the other, even though Kylo should’ve easily been able to overpower Rey because he’s physically stronger and has had more experience and training. 
The fact that Kylo says “It’s just us now” clearly to Rey honestly made me laugh because Finn is standing literally right there, but Kylo clearly doesn’t view him as a threat because he knows that Rey is strong with the force and therefore, she is more of a threat to him. A lot of what Kylo says can actually be applied to Rey too, which I find interesting. When he says “Han Solo can't save you,” yes he’s talking to Rey but he’s also talking about himself, as he believes Han Solo was unable to save him.Then he’s obviously not trying to flat-out kill Rey in their fight, he’s trying to get her to join him because he believes he can train her (“I can show you the ways of the Force”) which also surprised me.
It was interesting to see Kylo weakened by his wicked act, instead of strengthened as he thought. This, to me, meant that he still had the potential for light and redemption in him, given enough character development in future movies. I’m excited to see what The Last Jedi and Episode IX holds for him, and what they decide to do with his character. All I’m saying is, he has a lot of potential for a good redemption arc, as the foundation has already been laid for it.
PART 4: ENDING THOUGHTS
I think that both reylos and “antis” have a lot of valid points, but miscommunication seems to be a main problem. 
I guarantee you that literally no reylo wants Kylo Ren and Rey to make out, like, right now, as it stands with the ending of The Force Awakens that we know. They need Kylo to go through a redemption arc FIRST and there needs to be a lot of things that need to change for this to occur. If Kylo Ren didn’t threaten Rey in any way in this movie then they would not be enemies, and there would practically be no plot. Also, I’m pretty sure no one wants Rey’s story to be eclipsed by Kylo or her story to revolve around saving him. This should come about through Leia/himself. But also, love does not make a character inherently weaker.
Right now, Rey and Kylo are enemies, on opposite sides of a war. But they have a lot of potential for the “Enemies to Allies to Lovers” classic trope (with TFA as enemies, TLJ as allies, and then ep 9 as Lovers) But things must proceed in this order for this to occur. There is no skipping stages here. It is their potential for more which intrigues reylo shippers so much.
Personally, I am intrigued by their yin and yang, with one person in the dark being drawn to the light, another in the light being tempted by the dark, and I want them at least to team up (it could remain platonic) to bring balance to the force. To me, seeing this play out would be extremely satisfying, and be something unlike what Star Wars has done before.
Now, if you don’t ship reylo or don’t want Kylo Ren to be redeemed, awesome. That’s your opinion and you are free to have it. I don’t wish to start arguments or discourse, I simply wanted to vent some thoughts. This post shows my opinions, which I am also free to have. Thanks for reading about it!
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syzyg3tic · 4 years
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Yuletide 2020 letter
Hello!
Thanks so much for writing for me! I’m excited to see what you come up with :) Here are some of my general likes and dislikes, as well as fandom-specific thoughts. Please think of this as a grab bag of starting points or inspiration, not definitive prompts (of course)! I know I rambled about these in disproportionate amounts, but please know I’d be super happy to receive something for any of these 3 fandoms.
I’m not new to Yuletide, but I started over with a new Ao3/fandom twitter recently (nothing wild, just wanted a fresh start). My DW is still linked to my old Ao3 acct, so I made this sideblog for my letter. This unfortunately means there’s not much for you to poke around in to see my taste, so hopefully this does a good enough job! 
General Likes:
Character study/character motivation exploration
Multiple selves interacting
Expressing emotions physically--sex or kissing or any physical interaction as conversation/argument/apology/confession/goodbye
Characters A and B both having feelings for character C, and kissing/having tension charged conversations about them. 
Reveal moments (confessions, when a couple is discovered by friends, in general just the fallout from the moment when characters have to stick by the choices they’ve made about their feelings because other people know the feeling, now)
Getting together moments/firsts
I’m happy with 3rd person prose, and I also love 2nd person, so if you like writing that, feel free (not in a self insert way, I just come from a Homestuck background, you know).
NSFW likes: Again, no pressure to write porn, but if you do want to, here are some things I like to read about! These are for He’s Coming to Me and I Don’t Care only, not for Great Men Academy.
Sensation play
Breathplay
Solo/fantasizing
Sneaking around/trying to not be seen but very much going for it in sketchy locations
Emotional sex
First times/exploration of each other
Dislikes/DNWs:
Hard AUs (canon divergence is fine though)
A/B/O dynamics
Soulmate/one true love stuff
Daddy kink
Mpreg/pregnancy
Illness fic
Noncon
Scat/pee
Incest
Underage explicit fic
1st person POV
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FANDOM 1: Great Men Academy สุภาพบุรุษสุดที่เลิฟ (TV)
Characters: Love, Rose, Tangmo
I watched this show after tag nominations closed and was gutted that I didn’t get it in the tagset, but luckily someone else had my back! I love it SO much, especially the gender stuff and the self/identity stuff. I also loved how silly and whimsical the worldbuilding was. The fact that it was mostly a regular world just plus a few magical elements with some handwavy “don’t worry about it” aspects was delightful to me. 
I requested Love, Rose, and Tangmo, but you do not need to include all 3 unless you'd like to! I would be most happy with these combos: Rose & Love, Rose/Love, Rose/Rose, Love/Love, or Love/Tangmo.
For this canon, I’d appreciate keeping things at a T or light M rating (kissing and tension are both great, fade to black is fine if it is a part of the character study/plot, but I am not interested in pwp/explicit stuff for these characters).
Concepts:
Love/Rose or Love & Rose -  I adored the bathroom scene where Rose showed Love all her secrets. I loved their tension, as well as the sort of tentative trust and understanding they came to. Once Rose didn’t see Love as a threat, and once she started chilling her ass out a bit (partially because she saw how Love was handling things), they had a really interesting dynamic! I’d be happy to see them in any combination of Self forms. I do love Rose despite her many flaws so feel free to dig in to her fucked up side, but I’d appreciate not bashing her!
Friendship or Frenemy fic - Rose has been perfecting her look and her smokey eye makeup even in her Sean form, so her giving Love some makeover tips for her new form would be great? Or I’d like any way where they’d have to work together despite their tensions and come to form a tentative bond. Feel free to play up Rose’s big distrust/manipulative side.
Ship fic - I don’t see them having deep romantic feelings for each other, but I really love the idea of them in a sort of combative/understanding weird tension filled makeouts.  Mid-canon, the fact that they both are pining desperately and know each other’s secret could lead to some interesting interactions (Kissing About Vier? Swimming in the lake together? Shotgunning some lakewater?). And postcanon, they still understand each other in ways no one else does, because of what they’ve gone through. So I can see them keeping in touch and one thing leading to another. I like the idea of Rose thinking she’s in control of the situation, but Love’s straightforward no-nonsense caring and forgiving self sort of trips her up.
Love/Love or Rose/Rose - I am a huge sucker for multiple selves interacting, so when that happened in canon I lost my shit. I would be so happy to see more of that! Especially without the rest of the world watching on live TV, haha. I like this in a platonic way and also in a selfcest way, so feel free to have multiple selves kissing/experiencing the weird fraughtness of trying to understand themselves through the eyes of their other self emotionally or physically.
For both Loves, I’d love to see more of Original Love showing/telling her new self some love, maybe them going through her clothes together and deciding what to keep (I’d love to see new Love getting comfy wearing dresses again!), or talking about Tangmo and how things are going with him in the post-canon, or just being sweet and emotional and complicated! Working through what it’s like to live in the body she’s got for the moment! Love grew a lot over the course of the show, and both of her selves have a lot to learn from each other. I’m not interested in reading about her magically being turned back, though I know it is an in-universe option. 
For Rose’s two selves, if you went with a happy/bittersweet take like how she was at the end of the show, some forgiveness for her former self? Or Rose-as-Sean sneaking in to try on the VR goggles to see what it’s like? I could also see some messy combative fighting/making out happening, since she has a lot to work on inside herself/potentially some self-hatred. Or if you wanted to get really sad and dark, having her-as-Sean tell her the things she wished Vier would tell her? Anything in this vein. 
Love/Tangmo - Love is my favorite character, which is why she’s more heavily featured in my prompts, but I DO love Tangmo, and this pairing! I love that she inspires him to want to put effort into things, and that he has feelings for her as a person no matter that her gender is not what he thought originally. I want him to make her feel loved and wanted in her new form, and to make her believe him that he’d still be into her if she ever switched back (though I’m not particularly interested in reading about that happening).
Vier wasn’t in the taglist but you can include him if you like, as a side character!
Optional Gender stuff: 
I know that no two humans feel the same way about gender identity, and writing about it can be fraught for some people, no matter what their gender is, so don’t feel like you have to Get Into it, if you write this canon for me! That said, if you ARE interested, feel free to take into account these thoughts I have about gender and this series! 
It’s not all perfect in there--it is messy and complicated and multilayered in a way that really resonated with me, as a person with a convoluted self gender concept. The mishmash of magical gender wish fulfillment stuff AND dysphoria stuff AND fear of telling your family about your identity stuff AND identities misaligning and aligning romantically all really worked for me. I also appreciated that there are some really chewy difficult moments in there, but that it stays consistent tonally about both “your body does not dictate your gender” AND “sometimes you want your body to reflect your gender.” I feel like those are baseline concepts that can both be true, but often in gendery media you get “born in the wrong body” simplification and that’s it, which doesn’t resonate with me. Anyway, if you wanna get into gender stuff, I’d prefer it to not get preachy or label-heavy (i don’t think it’s a straightforward trans narrative, so trying to make it that doesn’t seem like a good idea to me). I mostly just like the concept of Love working through what it means for her to be a girl no matter what she looks like, and for Tangmo to be into her no matter what her gender is. So even when she’s in her new form, please use “she” for her, though obviously it’s ok for characters who don’t know her real identity to use “he.” 
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FANDOM 2: เขามาเชงเม้งข้างๆหลุมผมครับ | He's Coming to Me (TV)
Characters: Mes, Thun, Praifah
This is one of my favorite Thai dramas! I loved the romance, the family stuff, the premise, the friend group stuff, the grief and death and life emotional stuff--all of it! I loved it so much even though I watched it with the world’s worst resolution and not good subs, but (eta in december i learned an official translation and release exists now! here!) I’d be most interested in a missing scene or postcanon fic for this fandom. 
I am happy with fic that includes any combo of these three characters--they do not all 3 need to be present.
Concepts:
-Thun and Mes’s first time - You could expand on the tasteful fade-to-black we got in canon. What’s it like for Mes to feel things? I love physical exploration of sensation for undead characters! I can see it being overwhelming (in a good way) for him. I love the idea of Thun giving Mes a lot of attention, either in a slow methodical way or just being all over him, but wanting to let him feel things/feel good. I also like the idea of Thun wanting to take all he can of Mes for himself while he has the chance, since he’s not sure if they’ll get another.
-Thun and Mes in the future - The end of the show is happy, but their issues are definitely not over, and I’m interested to see how they’d deal with them. I’d love to see any kind of established relationship (potentially with flashback to when things were unclear between them?). What’s it like when they know each other well, either day to day or in their sex life? How do they deal with Mes not being able to expend a lot of energy without losing form? Is there a way for Mes to give him energy (hehe)?
-Far future angst - Mes is still gonna disappear one day. I am not always into angst, but I would be for these two, especially if it is balanced with bittersweetness/dashes of hope. How do they prepare? Would Mes find a way to leave a sign if it happened when Thun wasn’t around/what would he do if he WAS there in those last moments? How would Thun deal? I assume they have some good years ahead of them, but Mes DID have a heart condition, and may not have lived to old age ordinarily anyway, so there’s no telling when his actual time to go would have been. What happens if Thun dies first? Lots of ways you could take this.
-I also requested Praifah, because I really liked her character, and would be interested in seeing more of her. If you choose to include her, I’d enjoy seeing how she’s coping with all of this. I’d also like to see her and Mes have a conversation without Thun (I guess Mes can use a computer so he can type to her?? Or feel free to handwave or come up with a way to have them be able to talk face to face or something?) though he can be there for part of it too, if you like! Whatever ends up working. Mes and Praifah just have a lot of things to discuss, being both long lost family to each other, as well as having each been involved in the pain of the other. I really love when two characters who both have feelings about another character bond over the character they both love. I know Praifah has moved on to the lovely Prince, but I still feel like there’s some unresolved stuff going on and I want Priafah and Mes to talk about Thun, and what happened between all three of them! Lots of tasty tension and joy in there!
I didn’t nominate the other characters because I wasn’t interested in fic that focused on them, but feel free to include the other friends, Thun’s Mom, etc, as side characters if you’d like.
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FANDOM 3: I Don't Care - Justin Bieber and Ed Sheeran (Song)
Characters: Singer 1, Singer 2
This song is a little gay love story all neatly tied up in a catchy bow! I am not interested in RPF of Justin Bieber and Ed Sheeran here, but they are absolutely singing to each other in this song, huh?? 
You can take these characters in a lot of directions, since we mostly just know that one of these guys doesn’t like to wear a suit and tie, and the other is experiencing deep social anxiety, and that’s about it. Name them! Run wild! 
Concepts:
-The story of the song, fleshed out - Either the whole of it, or a scene or two within the party.
-Reveal moment/decision moment - I love moments where a queer couple braves the concept of PDA for the first time, or where a reticent person finally feels comfy enough to admit to others that they’re in a relationship! Not really looking for mega homophobia here, but if the people at the party don’t know they’re a couple yet, them finding solace in each other on the dance floor/kissing in the middle of this party could be a big Moment. If you want to keep this a sort of Vague non-bieber/sheeran but still a celebrity concept, the idea that they’d be photographed and it would be big news that they’re a couple could be an angle to take. They don’t care! They’re finally happy together after a moment of panic!
-Tie pulling  - It’s great and wow one of them at least is wearing one!
-Post-song -when they go home and presumably have a great time one on one. Can get E rated if you like.
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girlyandunruly · 4 years
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Quarantine Days
Kevin and I have been making the best out of staying indoors. Two things we are very grateful for:
We are healthy (though Kevin gets paranoid from time to time “my stomach hurts, do I have the rona?”)
We still have our jobs. Luckily our jobs can continue to be done remotely. That being said, everyone’s hours at my company, Barr Engineering, have reduced to 32 hours a week, reducing my pay. And Kevin has been having a bit of an issue lately trying to sell services with the current situation. Nonetheless, things could be worse. We could be one of the 22 million people filling for unemployment.
We spend our weekdays very busy working until 5pm. Kevin upstairs in his “Business Center” he calls it, which is basically a camping table set up in our bedroom, with a chair from our dining room and a monitor from his office. I’m downstairs in the office area, I already had a monitor and standing desk since half the time I already worked from home. So I was set.
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When 5pm comes around, we do home workouts. Either online yoga with friends through zoom, boxing class, HIT (High Intensity Training), ab workout class, dance class with my mom… we are trying to stay active.
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When we’ve had nice days, we go outside to the park to play frisbee, bike or go for a run.
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Last time I saw any friend/coworker (people I normally interact with) was March 10th. It’s strange to realize it’s been over a month now. Time has passed by really fast for me. Luckily, I have many hobbies and things I’ve been wanting to do but never had enough time. Well, I’ve been doing all of them now!
1. I created two new hats for upcoming Kentucky Derby parties (yes, for the years 2021, 2022). That’s how far in advance I plan and here’s one of them, garden gnome themed:
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2. I’ve gotten back into my Rosetta Stone studying French. My daily goal is to do 30 mins. I’ve been pretty consistent!
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3- I sewed a bunch of clothes I’ve been wanting to hem/fix.
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4- I’m finishing D-Day Girls book.
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5- Reorganized EVERYTHING
The tool box (as in go through every crew and tool and categorize them).
My tea collection, separated them by type in different cans (green, black, chamomile, fruity, etc).
Went through my clothes to decide anything I don’t wear anymore.
6- I’ve been doing some Instagram challenges like putting a t-shirt on while doing a handstand:
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7- Online shopping hasn’t ended for me, eek! I mean, I had to get some comfy cute quarantine clothes like this one:
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And also cute “Rachel Green” dress when things go back to normal, gotta be prepared ;)
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Kevin has found new pastimes:
1. He dusted off his x-box and has been playing Grand Theft Auto – never seen him play before but he now plays a bit every day.
2. He made a delicious moist banana bread for the first time.
3. He’s gotten into every kind of home improvement project he could think of:
           A. Pantry Upgrade:
                 A.1. He removed everything from the pantry.
                 A.2. Painted the pantry walls.
                 A.3. Bought new shelves and installed them.
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           B. Painted the windows.
           C. Changed all the old electric plugs.
           D. Currently upgrading our lights from the ceiling ** IN PROGRESS**
           E. Done some intense cleaning!
                 E.1. Moved the refrigerator/WD/oven to clean under (SO DISGUSTING!)
                 E.2. He cleaned the oven with a power tool:
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4- He cut his own hair!! I, on the other hand, made a hair salon appointment for May 12. Fingers crossed I can still make the appointment because this hair needs some work!
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We order groceries to be delivered. And we obsessively clean the packages when they arrive. We also splurge once a week and order food from our neighborhood sushi, thai, pho, Greek or Venezuelan place (those are our go-to joints!). Gotta support our local restaurants!
I’ve been getting creative with my vegetarian meals:
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Besides working out together, other activities we do together:
1. We play board games
Santorini has been a new favorite.
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I even bought a new board game: Marvelous Mrs. Maisel Life.
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Giant Jenga - Apparently Kevin has never lost in his life. Winning steak continues.
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2. Watch a movie every other day. A few favorites so far:
JoJo Rabbit
Parasite
Molly’s Game
Knives Out
3. We have our rooftop to enjoy lunch and drinks with city and mountain views. We’ve recently discovered we can see Red Rocks Amphitheater from our rooftop. Might be the lack of industrial activities clearing up the air pollution.
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4. Take many bubble baths.
5. Participate in #FormalFriday where we dress up, cook a fancier dinner and have cocktails.
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6. Every night at 8pm we howl at the moon and hear the neighborhood play drums, trumpet, put out christmas lights. We pulled out our vuvuzela which I got in South Africa World Cup 2010.
Even though we are away from our friends and family, we’ve been staying connected quite often:
1. Do a weekly Happy Hour call with friends (pretty consistent with Kate and Rayelle) through GoogleChat and HouseParty app.
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2. Do a weekly yoga class with Kevin’s friends.
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3. We celebrated both our dad’s birthdays through Zoom and GoToMeeting. Their birthdays are 7 days apart (April 2, April 9).
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4. I sent flowers to abuelita cause poor thing, she hasn’t seen anyone and needs more attention.
5. Emailed grandparents photos so they are up to date with what we are doing.
6. Mailed my brother a couple of books – one for Demi and one for him.
7. Mailed Kate her favorite popcorn (Kettle Head Popcorn Jalapeno Cheddar flavor).
8. Mailed Carla a 4-pack energy drink we used to drink in South Africa back in 2010. I randomly saw it on amazon and made me remember such a great time we had together. And thought it would brighten her day to remember our South Africa trip.
I’m not the only one that have been sending surprise packages. My family has been very sweet to me:
Parents have sent surprise Venezuelan treats in the mail
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Grandpa sent me a book: American Dirt
When I do have to leave the house to run errands like drop off packages at UPS or USPS, I wear a “mask” (made out of a bandana) and wear gloves. Everyone around is wearing masks as well and staying far apart. Feels very doomsday.
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Overall, things have been going well for us. That being said, we are extremely privileged to be able to do all these things. Unfortunately there are others that cannot work from home, have filed for unemployment, have lost their health insurance due to it or have kids in the house which makes it harder to work and homeschool their kids. Domestic violence has skyrocketed. There are families that cannot afford internet and their children cannot do their school work online. Single mothers who work multiple jobs cannot be at home to help their child with homework when school is expecting for parents to take over. There are older people that are struggling with the new technology changes and it’s giving them increased anxiety and stress to learn how to use online conferencing (I know it seems normal to most of us, others are really having a hard time). There are people with health issues that have increased anxiety of contracting COVID-19. Healthcare workers, grocery store workers, delivery services, waste management services, cleaning services... they are all putting their health at risk everyday to help us continue to live “normal” lives. 
They are the true MVP.
Best thing we can do is to stay home, stay positive and find creative ways to have fun. Here is Kevin faceswap with a barbie:
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negans-network · 7 years
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Ugly Duckling
Summary: For Ash’s Round 3 Negan Challenge, this fills in the Fairy Tale slot for the Ugly Duckling. Negan sits in his office and thinks back on his life, wondering about how exactly he became the fearsome leader of the Sanctuary and the Saviors.
Word Count: 2111
Pairing: Negan x Lucille
Genre: Angst?
Warnings: Foul Language, Sexual Imagery and Language, Negan being Himself as Always
Author’s Note: This is a one-shot.
Author and submitted by: @genevievedarcygranger
Tagging: just for those that I think would be interested @purplemuse89 @backseat-negan @ladylorelitany @ofdragonsanddreams16 @alyisdead @collette04 @flames-bring-a-ton-of-ash @i-am-negan-trash @asshatry  @noodlecupcakes
Negan sat at his desk, stewing over the plans he had for the handful of communities and his various outposts, squinting at the map of Virginia. Though he had been confidently commanding the Saviors for a while now, life hadn’t always been so smooth to him.
For one thing, he’d never been considered a looker until recently in his life. As a kid, he’s been a happy-go-lucky. He’d play with the other kids, get just as many band-aids, scrapes, and bruises for the trouble – and he was teased unceasingly. At first it was because he was a little chubby, and then it was because he wore thick black-framed glasses. For all his happiness, even when he smiled, the other kids made fun of his teeth and dimples, too.
It was hard at first, and Negan knew intimately how kids could be cruel. If he wasn’t getting in trouble for being the class clown, then he was sent home for fighting with the other kids. At a young age, he had to learn to get scrappy to be left alone.
Then came the awkwardness of adolescence when he went through puberty, growing a mustache and a patchy beard, pinching pimples in the mirror. But one thing did change for him. He’d never been an academic student and he more or less stopped being the class clown once he realized that the other kids were laughing at him rather than with him. Instead, Negan signed up for baseball – and he found his natural calling in life.
After that it was like all his other problems went away. Baseball was the only thing that kept Negan from dropping out of school. He started behaving and doing better in class so that they couldn’t kick him off the team. Negan made friends on the team, and his teammates supported him so he wasn’t bullied anymore. In high school, he was promised a scholarship by at least three colleges if he kept up the good work and the good grades. When they promised him that, he was only a sophomore at the time. Life was shaping up and looking good – and so was Negan.
In typical teenaged boy fashion, he had slimmed up significantly even though he snacked constantly, all thanks to his high metabolism. His facial hair grew in evenly, but he learned to shave to keep himself neat and clean looking. The acne went away, too. The only dorky thing he had left was his glasses, but he had really gone from ugly duckling to swan. And then he met Lucille.
Lucky for Negan, he hadn’t grown up with Lucille otherwise he would have never had a chance with her. She transferred to his high school in their junior year, and nearly every guy in their year immediately tried to get with her. Negan couldn’t blame them for it when Lucille was so damn beautiful. Her high cheekbones were sprinkled generously with freckles across her nose and curly, dirty blonde ringlets messily framed her heart-shaped face with hazel-green eyes that danced with mischief. Lucille had the kind of smile made you think she was up to something, but you couldn’t be further from the truth.
The truth was that she was a sweetheart with a heart of gold, a good girl who didn’t mind teasing but never did anything. Once the boys started figuring that out, they quickly gave up on the chase. Negan himself never even attempted to pursue her, not believing he’d have the chance. But that didn’t matter to Lucille, because she was the one to chase Negan.
Looking back even now, he didn’t know what she saw in him. He was just a typical asshole jock, chasing after that athletic scholarship with big dreams of one day being in the major leagues with the pros. It didn’t matter to Lucille, though, she claimed that she saw something in him that the other boys didn’t have. The first time they had make out in Lucille’s car (Negan couldn’t even afford his own car to take her out on dates with), Lucille pulled away and grabbed his letterman jacket in both hands. Looking deep into his eyes, her own bright eyes cutting to his core, she’d beseeched him earnestly, “You’re a good man, Negan. You’re beautiful. I love you.”
Those words never failed to stop Negan’s heart. Three simple things that he had never been told growing up from anybody, but Lucille had no problem reminding him every day. She really was too good for Negan’s sorry ass.
He and Lucille became the iconic couple, the only pair of high-school sweethearts from their graduating class to get married. They didn’t wait to get married either. They had their marriage in the summer between high school and college – and they’d be going to different schools after. It pissed Lucille’s parents off and they immediately accused Negan of knocking up their daughter. For that, they became estranged. Negan’s own father didn’t give a shit about Negan, and Negan’s mother had died from alcohol poisoning in his senior year. None of that mattered, though, because both Lucille and Negan firmly believed that they only needed to have each other to be happy.
When it came time to go off to their colleges, they went their separate ways excited but a little heartbroken. Negan had his baseball scholarship and was going to go the easy route academic-wise. Lucille was pushing herself through nursing school. Naturally, it was hard for them to see each other and they became wrapped up in their own lives. And Negan discovered things about himself.
For one thing, the moment he stepped foot on that college campus, he became hot shit – and it didn’t even matter that he was a freshman. College girls threw themselves at his feet and even of few of Negan’s teammates did, too. Negan, who had been looking forward to making new friends, went along with it all at first. At his first college party, though, he drank – something he never did before because Lucille was always there to shoot him a disappointed look. When Negan took that first sip, Lucille’s voice was his conscious at the back of his mind, but by the end of his first five shots, he couldn’t hear anything over the music and that dull roaring in his ears. The next morning, he woke up naked with a brunette from Alpha Gamma. When he made it back to his dorm, he debated whether he should call Lucille up and tell her what he did. But he couldn’t bring himself to do it.
After that first time, it all became so much easier. Negan was the life of every party, didn’t matter if it was by a sorority or a fraternity – and he never even bothered to join a fraternity. Like clockwork every Thursday night, Friday night, and Saturday night, Negan would play beer pong and do keg stands. Routinely the next morning he’d wake up naked with someone. He’d never been so damn popular in his life and life had never been so fun. The only drags were school assignments he couldn’t be assed with and the grueling baseball practices.
That’s when his grades started failing, and he started missing Lucille’s calls. His A’s went to B’s that then dropped to C’s and precariously hugged the edge of spiraling down to non-passing grades. The baseball coaches constantly chewed his ass out and gave him hell, and eventually their threats came to fruition and he was benched for the first season of baseball. Negan’s scholarship hung in the balance, and he had the rug yanked out from underneath him, left wondering if he would be forced to drop out after only one year.
The entire time, Lucille never knew. Even in her first year, nursing school was intense. The distance between them was too big for them to see each other in person regularly anyway since he went to school in Georgia and her in Massachusetts. All of their interactions were limited to phone calls, and though she constantly asked how Negan was and apologized that she couldn’t go see his games, Negan would lie his ass off. He told himself it was because he didn’t want her to worry about him, but really, he knew it was because he didn’t want her to leave him.
It was the week before finals, and rather than buckling down and studying, Negan went off partying. Usually they stuck around campus, but Negan was drunk and really wanted a burger. He hopped in the car with some chick from Tri-Delta-Whatever-the-Fuck – and the memory of rest of the night was blacked out.
Negan woke up in the hospital, his heart monitor beeping annoyingly, tubes down his throat, IVs in his arms. And Lucille had her head in her hands, crying for him. Later he learned that he had broken a collarbone – very nearly his neck. He wouldn’t be able to play baseball again for a while, and since it was a DUI, he was kicked out of school as well. The girl in the car was better off, just a sprained wrist. Her car, not so much. So, not only did Lucille have to babysit her husband, but she had to come to terms that Negan had been cheating. And yet, she never left him.
It took Negan ages to recover, and even when he did, he couldn’t go back to school. There was no money for it. Miraculously enough, his old high school was willing to hire him as a coach. Negan said yes because Lucille deserved a man who could provide, and her nursing school was expensive, as were his hospital bills.
Then Negan was back to being an ugly duckling, a coach getting attitude from teenagers. He was required to wear the shorts, the hat, and the sweatshirt, and he felt like a total dork doing it. But he was willing to put up with the teens and bullshit for Lucille. He owed her that much at least.
And he and Lucille were getting so much better. Negan had learned to love his job, and he even got another selling used cars. Lucille graduated from nursing school and was applying at the local hospitals. They were talking about having a baby together. Life was going to perfect and peachy-keen from here on out.
But Lucille got cancer, and Negan fell apart without her. He didn’t understand how she held it together for him in the hospital, but he guessed it was because she knew he wouldn’t die. Negan didn’t have that luxury; Lucille was given a year at the most. It was a long, long year, and the doctors told Negan every chance they could that putting Lucille through treatment would just kill her faster, make her suffer. Lucille wasn’t ready to die yet, though, so she kept fighting, and even Negan begged her to stop killing herself but Lucille wasn’t going to accept it.
She endured chemo until she withered away to nothing. Her curly hair all gone, her skin whiter than paper and just as thin, bones protruding too sharply. Lucille couldn’t keep any food down, it was terrible. Finally, finally, though, she died – and came back as one of those undead fucks and she could keep Negan’s flesh down then but he couldn’t do it. He was too much of a coward to kill her, and also too much of a coward to let her kill him like he deserved.
Coward that he was, he made his way out in the world and became responsible for so many people. He began to craft a persona, an ego of power with a bat named after Lucille, the true source of his strength, and a black leather jacket as though he were some bad boy biker rather than a widow from suburbia. And he was back from ugly, miserable, pitiful duckling to a swan with teeth that was not to be fucked with.
Pulling himself out of his thoughts, Negan reached in his desk drawer from the one surviving remnant of his ugly duckling days. It was his glasses, and since he was near sited he needed them to read or see faces up close. One of the reason why his intimidation tactic was leaning was just dumb luck. Now in the privacy of his office, though, he donned his glasses and fondly thought of his Lucille. Then he bent over the map again and ruthlessly started dividing it up. He was going to squeeze those communities for everything that they were worth for trying to fuck with him. Negan couldn’t be bullied anymore.
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stephengream · 7 years
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Advice to CompSci students and recent graduates
I thought I’d give some advice to people from a seasoned engineer. I’ve been in computing since I was 19, so nearly 10 years now, and I did this when I actually used tumblr regularly and got a fair few reblargs about 5 years ago, so I thought I’d repeat it now that I’m a little older an more jaded and see how we go. So let’s get started!
UNIVERSITY DEGREES DON’T MATTER IN THE LONG TERM
This is probably the hardest thing to swallow. You work your ass off for 3 or 4 years at university for what? A bit of paper? Truth be told, after a couple of years working nobody will care, and it will count for naught.
NOBODY GIVES A SHIT ABOUT YOUR MARKS... IF YOU’VE BEEN WORKING
Want to know my average mark? Somewhere in the 65-70% region. I pulled a Credit or distinction for most courses. What did I learn? Some fun stuff, but not much of it was useful outside algorithms, software construction and design. The other courses I did were cool, but I learned way more by diving into relevant open source projects.
To be completely honest, the best engineer I know is a university drop out, so don’t sweat it if you fail a course or two. With some work there’s still going to be pathways for you.
As a thought experiment, put yourself in the shoes of a potential employer. They have two candidates, someone like me, not getting great marks, but has been working nearly fulltime through university and has a great reference from his old boss, and someone with no work experience but a straight 90% average mark. Who is a less risky choice? 
The person with the job has worked with computers in a practical setting, outside the lab, and had to deal with the consequences of his or her decisions in real life. The person that’s concentrated on uni? Sure, they be smart, but have they ever had to deal with a stakeholder? Have they had to create actual working pipelines for their work? Have they ever had to support and maintain any of their code after an assignment? 
Who will take less time to get up to speed in this situation? My advice is that if you enjoy study, great, whatever, but remember that universities will never drop you in a situation where everything is burning down and expect you to fix it. The earlier you learn to cope with that scenario, the better, and as it becomes a routine thing you will start to form practical links between your study and useful information, thereby beefing up your marks with minimal extra study.
MANAGE AND TRACK YOUR TIME
This isn’t what your parents tell you, "you spend too much time playing computer games and on that god awful tumblr site” is an astute observation, but not something you can really action in isolation. What is useful, however, is knowing how you spend your time and how you can optimise it. This is perhaps the most difficult thing to do, because it’s tedious and boring, but even just setting your timetables and work times in your calendar as a recurring event can help, and from there you can start to have a better idea of how much time you actually have to spare every day. Get into the habit of this, and I promise you, you will never run late or work overtime ever again.
MAKE NOTES ON WHAT YOU’RE DOING
Lectures, eh, I never found notes that useful since they were all recorded. Personal taste though, I know a lot of people that lived in their notebooks.
That being said, I do keep a very tight grip on my design and implementation decisions. I like using OneNote for this, because I can quickly scribble down ideas and to-do lists, and paste in code snippets for later. Another program that could work is Scrivener, and one of my classmates even kept an Excel spreadsheet with a workbook for each thing he was working on (I suppose you could use something like KEdit or Atom, but I like to lay things out in a very specific way so I don’t have to scan through anything. Find what works for you and keep it that way). When it comes time to stand up in front of my team and tell them about the project, I can always answer any question thrown at me. I don’t have to sit there thinking about it and trying to remember exactly why I chose library A over library B or why I thought this class was garbage and restructured it.
CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM IS A CHANCE FOR YOU TO IMPROVE AS AN ENGINEER, IF YOU GET HUFFY YOU’RE MISSING OUT ON A GREAT OPPORTUNITY
Leave your ego at the door and be a team player. You’re never going to be alone on a project, and you’ll do well to listen to your teammates and converse with them in calm terms. 
If you get upset every time someone makes a suggestion on how to improve your Already Perfect Code™, not only are you going to look like a pompous dick but you’re going to completely reject this lesson someone is offering you for free. Everybody is there to get their job done, and if you get in the way and refuse to compromise and discuss your implementations you can’t expect to keep your job for long.
The flip side to this is that not all advice is good. In time you will learn to recognise this, because shitty advice will make your job harder, but when you’re just starting out it’s best to assume people probably know something you don’t.
CODING STYLE AND NAMING STANDARDS MATTER
You want to know what the stupidest argument on the internet is? Tabs v spaces. It gets nasty, and I saw classmates in uni get into yelling matches. My opinion is I’m a spaces guy, but I do what the rest of the team does. Why? Because consistency.
Have you ever opened up an old project you worked on at uni with a few different people and thought “oh dear god, what were we thinking”? I can assure you that part of this mess will be down to the different styles you all employed in your code. When doing this in a professional setting, it needs to be consistent to ease readability and ensure the team doesn’t misinterpret code. The lucky thing is, all the best IDEs have plugins that will do all this for you and throw warnings when something isn’t right.
PEOPLE SKILLS ARE PARAMOUNT
This doesn’t apply to everyone, but I know that a lot of us are basement dwelling nerds, but being awkward is something you need to get past. Working in software is just as much about your interactions with people as it is how good you are at making computers do what you want. How can you expect to get a good list of requirements from a client if you’re too shy to ask them tough questions? How do you function in a team if you can’t communicate with the people assigned to help you on a problem? 
This is definitely something that can be learned if you put some work in. The way I did was just to hit it head on on the job and start out just trying to reword what the client was telling me they wanted. It’s not ideal, but it took a lot of awkwardness out of the exchanges I had. From there, I just started talking to people in bars, not hitting on anyone, just chatting while we were in line for a drink or something. Didn’t have to be anything specific, I just said the first thing that came to mind, and boy did I spill the spaghetti more than a few times. But you know what? I learned from it, and become much better at at least pretending I wasn’t a giant, awkward weirdo, which leads me to my next point...
ADMIT YOUR MISTAKES EARLY AND LEARN FROM THEM 
You will fuck up. You are not perfect. Do not double down, especially when you’re brand new to the workforce and everyone will grant you three times the patience they’d grant to someone like me. Every time you screw something up, you will learn way more than if you did it right first time, so don’t sweat it and learn how to admit to your own failures and work on fixing them rather than learning how to cover them up.
DON’T BE AFRAID TO MOVE ON
‘nuff said. Always keep abreast of the job market and have your resume ready to go with a number of cover letters for different types of employers. Consider this a risk management and profit maximisation strategy if nothing else, and always know how much you’re worth to the company you work for (and be honest to yourself about it). In saying this, though, I tend to aim for a minimum 2 years with a company outside of contracts. It takes a while to onboard someone and bring them up to speed, especially in software, so be mindful of how it would look if you moved around too much.
This point is something I can definitely reinforce with my own personal experiences. I’ve been through 2 redundancies up until now, and both were for similar reasons, in that I was cheap to move off the work roster. My first I was on casual time, so wasn’t legally entitled to any redundancy payout, and the second because I’d only been with the company for a year and was only entitled to a small payout. 
The other thing to note here is that if you work for a small company, chances are someone high up will do the firing personally. For me it was the CEO in both situations, so don’t burn your bridges here and be an ass. A personal endorsement from a C level executive will net you serious credit and at least an extra $5-10k at your next position, so be professional and make sure that’s the image of you they keep in mind when someone comes ringing for a reference.
LEARN AUTOMATED TESTING
If you’ve never worked in a real setting, this probably sounds stupid. 
“Why would I write tests when I can just run the application and look at the output myself?”
Oh my sweet, summer child.
This one will come in handy for when you’re sick of spending 5 minutes loading up an application, clicking through and getting your inputs right, then waiting for it to finish. There are many different schools on how to do this, but truth be told even though nearly every company does it, most people on a team will do it slightly differently. 
I’m of the school that will figure out the outputs for each component, write the skeleton for each one, then write the tests after having a basic implementation in place. This works for me, because I will often change the architecture and interfaces of an application as I go along and learn more about the problem domain.
On the other hand, my teammate will write the tests before she does anything else and generate stubs for everything she has to do. This is also a perfectly valid way of doing things and one I’ve seen used a lot, but it does require a more in depth plan and better understanding of what you’re putting into place before your fingers even start to tap out that code.
The third “correct” way of doing it is developing the tests as you go along, which is also perfectly valid, though I find with the way I work it adds a lot of overhead in my development time.
The process here is a personal one, and I’ve had a lot of heated debates in the past with zealots who insist on a particular way. Don’t be that guy, because as far as I’m concerned you need to find out which way works for you and stick to it while letting other people be productive in the way they do things.
SHITTY LANGUAGES THAT EVERYONE USES OFTEN HAVE AWESOME TOOLSETS AND ECOSYSTEMS
Yes, Java is shit, I know, but have you ever used Gradle?
How about JavaScript? Node is popular for a very good reason, you know.
Before completely dismissing a technology, be sure to check out what people are doing on the edges. I was a .NET programmer for many years and was locked into the absolutely amazing C# language, but the horrendous MSBuild build system. I started looking over the Java side of the fence and found a wonderful ecosystem full of amazing tools and even more amazing and dedicated developers maintaining them. 
The rule of thumb is, if the language is shitty, people will build some cool tools around it to overcome its limitations. If the language is good, it can be a victim of its own success in a lot of ways. Don’t just look at a language, much sure you look at the tools that come with it, too
READ AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE
Yes, this is where I crack out Stephen’s must read list: Software edition.
Code Complete - Seriously THE book for amazing software construction. I’ve read my copy many times and keep it handy to refer back to it a lot
Introduction to Algorithms - The only textbook from uni I keep coming back to. An absolute treasure trove of great info, and provides insight into why your application is running really slowly or blowing out its memory heap
 Introduction to the Personal Software Process - Want to be a better engineer? Read this, and figure out the best bits that apply to you. It’s bureaucratic, but it’s where I got my obsessive note taking and time tracking from and I stand by it as one of the best process oriented books I’ve ever read
Refactoring to Patterns - Your code is garbage, but you can’t quantify exactly what’s wrong with it? This is the book for you, and as a bonus it will help you fix it in a sensible way. Great as a reference, and I keep the quick reference list from the inside cover in my laptop bag.
Patterns of Enterprise Architecture and Enterprise Integration Patterns - These are fucking cumbersome tomes and very difficult to slog through, but will serve you well with some of the stupid, overengineered crap people have done in larger systems. 
Continuous Integration - This is what’s done in the real world. Learn what it is and how to do it.
Continuous Delivery - Some places do this, but most really need to start. This book is a little enthusiastic about it, but the points it makes in regards to delivery methodology are spot on
The Lean Startup - You want to start your own million dollar company? Of course you do. Read the shit out of this one and learn what it means to be a customer driven, adaptive company. It will also serve you well working in agile teams, as you can help institute better processes and understand why things are done in certain ways.
Risk and the Smart Investor - “Yeah man, but I’m a free spirit hacktivist and I’m going against the man I don’t need money row row fight the powah”. Yeah, ok, I was young and unemployed at one point too. When you’re ready to be an adult and learn how to make your money work for you, spend the $20 on this book instead of Twitter or Yahoo shares. It walks you through various ways of hedging your risk and diversifying investments while also telling you the stories of two men who have lived very different lives and how they’ve spent and invested their money. If you want to make sure you don’t get suckered into a get rich quick scam and have a little nest egg put away for your twilight years, this is vital reading.
And that’s about all I can think of right now. I will try to blog more, I have some ideas for some home projects that I want to pursue over the next couple of weeks so I can get some things straight before I need to do them at work, so will probably write about them. Lately my routine has been wake up at 6:30, at work by 7:30, come home 5:30-6, go to the gym for an hour, come home, practice guitar for an hour or two, then go to bed. Absolutely thrilling lifestyle, but it should start to slow down in a little soon as I settle into this new job. 
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auxon · 7 years
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tagged by @sneezingbeagle​
god the formatting on this is awful sorry but i cant really be assed to fix it. also it’s very long so i’ll put it under a cut
Rules: once you have been tagged you are supposed to write 92 truths about yourself. at the end choose 25 people to tag.
LAST: 1. drink: ginger tea 2. phone call: uhhhh god i don’t even know, a few weeks ago i had to call customer service for something so i guess that 3. text message: "nerd” to @dragon-cabbage​ 4. song listened to: working man - imagine dragons 5. time i cried: yesterday but like out of happiness and only a little bit HAVE YOU EVER: 6. dated somebody twice: technically but we were only not dating for like a week 7. been cheated on: not as far as i know 8. kissed someone and regretted it: mmm yeah 9. lost someone special: in a way i guess 10. been depressed: yeah 11. gotten drunk and puked: i’ve never been drunk so no THREE FAVOURITE COLOURS: 12. lmao i don’t even have favorite colors anymore 13. i wear a lot of blue because it’s a safe color but it doesn’t excite me 14. i like black with bright colors as highlights IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 15. made new friends: i think so 16. fallen out of love: yeah lmao 17. laughed until you cried: don’t think so 18. found out someone was gossiping about you: no??? 19. met somebody who changed you: i don’t think so 20. find out who your true friends are: what is a “true” friend 21. kissed somebody on your Facebook list: yeah im facebook friends with my boyfriend so HOW MANY/MUCH: 22. facebook friends do you have in real life: all of my facebook friends are people i know irl, slightly fewer of them are people i’m actively friends with  23. pets: two cats
24. want to change name: already did 
25. did i get for my last birthday: idk i got some cool shit like a polaroid camera and some records 26. time i woke up: ugh like 6:50 b/c school day 27. doing at midnight: sleeping 28. something you cannot wait for: probably the rocket club trip to alabama in... less than a month 29. last time i saw my mum: approximately 30 seconds ago 30. something you wish you could change about your life: uh, be a cis guy, not have fucked up so many friendships/relationships 31. listening to right now: nothing 32. something that gets on your nerves: idk lots of things, my brother being an ass 33. talked to a person named Tom: i have no idea 34. most visited website: tungle.hell 35. elementary school: what is this question asking  36. high school: cant wait to get out 37. college: god the dream college would be caltech or mit but i probably wont get in so... :/ 38. hair colour: brown 39. long or short hair: i like having short hair bc i’m not masculine enough to have long hair and be secure in my body image but both are attractive on other ppl 40. crush: @a-wandering-intern 41. what do you like about yourself: i’m smart? also my face looks pretty decent from some angles 42. piercings: none but i have seriously considered getting a facial piercing 43. blood type: not a clue 44. nickname: the name i use is danny which is technically a nickname, also occasionally people call me danny boy which i Really Like, and sometimes people call me dan which is.... not great 45. relationship status: dating @a-wandering-intern 46. zodiac: capricorn 47. pronouns: he/him 48. favourite show: what is... a tv? jk probably stranger things because it’s one of the few shows i’ve seen recently and it was really good 49. tattoos: none but i want one of the greek letter delta 50. right or left handed: right FIRST: 51. surgery: um i got my tonsils out when i was little 52. piercing: none 53. best friend: uh... i had a best friend named sophia in like, kindergarten, but i don’t think i was her best friend :( 54. sport: god sports have never really been my thing but i did basketball for like one season in either 4th or 5th grade, god knows why 55. vacation: i dunno but i remember having gone to japan when i was really little, i don’t remember anything about it just that i went 56. pair of shoes: lmao what
RIGHT NOW:
57. eating: nothing
58. drinking: nothing
59. im about to: send some shitty photoshopped pictures to a friend and then study physics
60. listening to: my own keyboard (wait wasn’t this question earlier on this meme)
61. waiting for: i dunno
62. want to see: not really sure
63. want to get married: for the longest time i didn’t or at least i professed not to, but after some consideration i think that i do actually want to get married to someone i love and even if it’s not something i want super badly i wouldn’t mind having a kid as long as they were adopted
64. career: i want to be a physicist but am currently a depressed student
WHICH IS BETTER:
65. hugs/kisses: uh i like kissing but hugging is just so emotionally comforting and grounding so i think i’m gonna have to go with hugging
66. lips/eyes: i feel like this is comparing apples to oranges. i would rather have both lips and eyes
67. shorter/taller: is this question about which is more attractive to me because either one, but i like it when people are my height/shorter because i am insecure about the fact that i am personally short
68. younger/older: in terms of which it’s better to be, both have their pros and cons, but i would rather be younger than like, really old. in terms of dating, i wouldn’t date someone more than a year older or a year younger than me so idk really
69. romantic/spontaneous: i honestly don’t even know what this means
70. nice arms/nice stomach: what exactly do you mean by ‘nice’ and again this is like comparing to apples and oranges. both are separately very nice
71. sensitive/loud: i dunno, either?
72. hook up/relationship: relationship absolutely i dont think i could trust a stranger or even a not-very-close friend enough to hook up with them
73. troublemaker/hesitant: i am extremely afraid of doing things wrong or getting in trouble
HAVE YOU EVER:
74. kissed a stranger: no
75. drank hard liquor: ok so one time i had some sort of cream liquor (liqueur?) i can’t remember what it actually was and idk if it counts. also it was like literally half a sip that one of my parents gave me at a family gathering
76. lost glasses/contact lenses: one time i literally dropped my glasses in a lake and had to get new ones. now i wear daily disposable contacts so i’ve never, like, lost them, but i have had them fall out and couldn’t get them back in
77. turned someone down: i dont think so...?
78. canoodling on first date: is this a euphemism for sex because if so then no
79. broken someones heart: i mean i don’t like that term at all but yeah i’ve hurt someone i was dating and i still regret it
80. had your own heart broken: yeah, it’s complicated
81: been arrested: nope
82: cried when someone died: like, almost
83: fallen for a friend: real question is who have i ever fallen for who wasn’t already a friend
DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
84. yourself: sometimes
85. miracles: ~a post-war economic miracle~ haha jk but actually... not supernatural miracles
86. love at first sight: no i think you kinda have to get to know someone to really love them
87. Santa Clause: i mean.... LOOK AWAY NOW IF YOU BELIEVE IN SANTA CLAUS he’s ur parents so i don’t believe in some dude that lives at the north pole and breaks into ur house but i do believe in the concept and i think it’s really cute
88. kiss on first date: depends on the way the stars are aligned
89. angels: nope
OTHER:
90. current best friends name: eleanor and ceci (also cyrus if u count my boyfriend as one of my best friends, which i generally do)
91. eye colour: blue
92. favourite movie/s: repo man, which is a shitty movie from the 80s. god it’s so bad i love it
ok im not gonna tag anyone because i’m too lazy but if u feel like doing it go ahead
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fxikb0ay-blog · 5 years
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I have been taking generic suboxone 8/2 MG buprenorphine/nalaxone. My insurance just changed and I have a $1500.00. Even the generic cost is?
I have been taking generic suboxone 8/2 MG buprenorphine/nalaxone. My insurance just changed and I have a $1500.00. Even the generic cost is?
Is killing me. What pharmacy offers the best rate for this med? Any ideas on cost saving?
BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare free quotes :insurancecostfinder.xyz
SOURCES:
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new hampshire insurance company annual report 2014
new hampshire insurance company annual report 2014
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