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blatherkatt · 7 years

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Title: The Calm Is Terrifying When The Storm Is All You Know [Homestuck]

Prologue 3: Regarding Karkat Vantas

Summary: There were two kinds of trolls who went to Earth: rich shitheads with too much money and free time, and desperate assholes who couldn’t survive on Alternia, even with the best efforts of the young Condesce. Karkat hated the planet almost immediately, but with his home planet too dangerous for mutants, he really didn’t have any choice but to hide out on this weird little diurnal planet. At least he’d be safe. Or so he thought, right before blundering his way into an accidental friendship with the son of an anti-troll terrorist.

Rating: M

Chapter Warnings: Mentions of Alternia-Typical violence and bigotry; Pesterlogs

FIRST | PREVIOUS | NEXT

Note: Dates and times used correlate to local date and time in Houston, Texas, for the sake of simplicity of the reader.

[email protected] sent to [email protected] 4 PM 11/23/14:

Hello Karkat

I Am Writing To Let You Know That I Am Fully Settled In And Things Are Going Well

Earth Is Actually Quite Nice If Very Different And Porrim Has Been A Wonderful Help In Getting Me Settled In

She Has Asked Me To Let You Know That If Things Get Too Heated Where You Are She Is Willing To Give You Shelter Here As Well

Okay I Confess That She Probably Said That Because I Expressed Concern For Your Well Being Seeing As I Keep Hearing Terrible Things

It Sounds As Though A Lot Of Highbloods Are Getting Very Agitated And Violent As A Result Of The Reforms Put In Place By The Empress And I Honestly Think You Might Be Safer Here

This Planet Is Strange As Are Its People And I Dont Really Understand Their Culture At All Yet But They Are Much Kinder Than Highbloods And Will Not Care About Your Unique Circumstances At All

It Might Be Perfect For You

I Know That It Is A Daunting Prospect But Please At Least Consider It

[email protected] sent to [email protected] 3 AM 11/25/14:

GOD DAMMIT KANAYA STOP TRYING TO GET ME TO MOVE TO EARTH WITH YOU. I CAN PROTECT MYSELF JUST FUCKING FINE, OKAY? IM NOT A HELPLESS FUCKING WRIGGLER, HERE. BESIDES, IVE GOT PLENTY OF PRACTICE KEEPING MYSELF HIDDEN, SO IT’S NOT LIKE ANY OF THOSE FUCKERS ARE GOING TO FIND ME, BUT EVEN IF THEY DO I CAN FIGHT THEM OFF JUST FINE. IM NOT GOING TO RUN AWAY LIKE A TERRIFIED BARKBEAST, TAIL FIRMLY BETWEEN MY FUCKING SHAME GLOBES.

…IM GLAD YOURE HAPPY THOUGH. THIS IS A PRETTY BIG BREAK FOR YOU. YOU DESERVE IT. (:B

[email protected] sent to [email protected] 5 AM 01/27/15:

OKAY IM KIND OF FREAKING THE FUCK OUT HERE

THIS MIGHT BE THE LAST YOU HEAR FROM ME AND IM REALLY SORRY ABOUT THAT

BUT I THINK

I THINK A GROUP OF THOSE HEMOANON HUNTERS MUST HAVE GOTTEN TIPPED OFF THAT IM HERE

I KEEP SEEING THEM TRAIPSING AROUND THE FUCKING HIVEBLOCK LOOKING FOR SOMETHING

THEY CULLED SOME POOR RUSTBLOOD A FEW HIVES DOWN YESTERDAY ITS ONLY A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE THEY FIND ME

THE LEADERS FUCKING HUGE I DONT STAND A CHANCE HERE

GOODBYE I GUESS

[email protected] sent to [email protected] 2 PM 01/27/15:

Karkat You Are Not Going To Die Okay

We Will Get You Out Of There

Hold On I Am Having Sollux Open A Chat Room And We Can Talk About This In Closer To Real Time There

— twinArmageddons [TA] opened a group chat at 2:22 PM 01/27/15 —

— twinArmageddons [TA] invited grimAuxilitrix [GA] —

— twinArmageddons [TA] invited carcinoGeneticist [CG] —

— twinArmageddons [TA] invited gallowsCallibrator [GC] —

TA: alriight ju2t real quiick before everybody 2tart2 2houtiing off rapiid fiire liike ii know you all fuckiing love two, plea2e keep iin miind KK ii2 liiterally liightyear2 away and iit ii2 goiing two take a few miinute2 for hii2 me22age2 two reach u2 and vice ver2a.

TA: 2o let2 all at lea2t try two pretend we arent a bunch of iimpatiient fuckiing bulge fondler2 okay?

GC: 1 M4K3 NO PROM1S3S >:]

CG: OH YEAH SURE LETS ALL JUST BE TOTALLY FUCKING PATIENT ITS NOT LIKE IM GOING TO FUCKING DIE ANY MINUTE HERE OR ANYTHING

CG: NO OMINOUS DANGER LURKING IN THE SHADOWS OR ANYTHING NOPE

CG: JUST ME AND MY NEW FUCKING BEST FRIENDS WHO ALL WANT ME DEAD

TA: KK calm the fuck down were tryiing two help you here.

GA: Karkat We Can Get You Out Of There I Promise

CG: GET ME TO WHERE EXACTLY? EARTH?

CG: OH YEAH SURE LETS JUST GO TO THE FUCKING ALIEN PLANET

CG: EVEN IF I HAD ANY INTENTION OF GOING THERE HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO PULL THAT OFF?

CG: IF I SHOW UP AT THAT SPACE PORT THEYRE GOING TO FIGURE ME OUT IMMEDIATELY AND SOMEONES GOING TO CULL ME IN A FUCKING LOAD GAPER STALL

TA: dont fuckiing iin2ult me KK, god, why do you thiink iim here?

TA: KN may not know what 2he2 doiing, but TZ can open a fuckiing chat room.

GA: Hey

TA: 2o iit2 not liike iim ju2t here to get u2 all talkiing.

TA: iim forgiing you 2ome documentatiion a2 we 2peak, a2 far a2 everyone at the 2paceport wiill know you are ju2t another de2perate ru2tblood a22hole lookiing for a break.

CG: OH.

GC: 4ND 1 4M PR3P4R3D TO H3LP YOU OUT W1TH TH3 P4P3RWORK ON TH3 34RTH S1DE OF TH1NGS ONC3 YOU G3T H3R3 >:]

GA: As For Where You Will Go Once Here Porrims Offer Still Stands

GA: You Will Have A Place To Stay If You Are Okay With Doing Some Rather Simple Work

CG: OH GOD. WHAT AM I DOING, MODELING DRESSES?

CG: FANTASTIC. ILL JUST LEAVE HOME AND BE A FUCKING FASHION MODEL. LIVING THE DREAM HERE ARENT I!

CG: ON SECOND THOUGHT IM JUST GOING TO LET THE FUCKING HUNTERS CULL ME.

GA: No

GA: Its Just A Desk Job Karkat

GA: Mostly It Will Involve Sitting Around And Very Occasionally Handling The Money

GA: She Wants You To Work The Cash Register It Is A Very Simple Job

CG: THE WHAT?

GA: I Will Show You When You Get Here

CG: I DONT RECALL EVER FUCKING AGREEING TO THIS CRAZY SCHEME. I STILL HAVE NO FUCKING INTENTION OF GOING TO EARTH LIKE A COWARD.

TA: fiine diie then.

GC: HON3STLY K4RK4T

GC: YOU 4R3 B31NG A HUG3 WR1GGL3R 4BOUT TH1S

GC: DO YOU R34LLY H4V3 4NY B3TT3R 1D34S H3R3? 34RTH 1S YOUR B3ST B3T R1GHT NOW.

GC: 1TS W4Y L3SS HOST1L3 TOW4RD TROLLS 1N YOUR S1TU4T1ON, MOSTLY B3C4US3 HUM4NS DONT R34LLY G3T TH3 H3MOSP3CTRUM TO B3G1N W1TH.

GC: 1TS NOT A TH1NG FOR TH3M 4T 4LL.

GC: 4ND YOUV3 GOT FR13NDS H3R3 WHO C4N H3LP YOU, 4S 1N, YOU KNOW, TH3 ON3S YOU 4R3 T4LK1NG TO R1GHT NOW???

GC: WH3R34S ON 4LT3RN14 YOU 4R3 ON YOUR OWN.

CG: FUCK.

CG: I DONT REALLY HAVE A CHOICE, DO I?

GC: NOP3

GA: Not Really

TA: no.

CG: GOD DAMMIT.

CG: ALRIGHT, JUST.

CG: TELL ME WHAT I NEED TO DO.

GA: You Will Want To Pack Everything You Want To Take With You

GA: Things Like Clothing And So On You Can Easily Replace Once You Get Here So I Wouldnt Worry About That As Much But Make Sure You Bring Everything You Really Cant Replace

GC: K33P 1T TO TWO B4GS THOUGH

GC: 1T SUCKS BUT TH4TS 4LL W3 COULD 4FFORD

CG: YOU HAVE TO PAY FOR BAGS??

CG: WAIT. YOU GUYS ARE PAYING FOR THIS?

GA: Do Not Try To Argue With Us On This Please Karkat We Have Been Preparing For This For A While

CG: OH SO YOU FUCKERS WERE ALL JUST WAITING FOR ME TO BOARD THE COWARD TRAIN, WERE YOU?

CG: GO ON. WHO WON THE FUCKING BET? WHICH ONE OF YOU GUYS MADE BIG BUCKS OFF MY FINAL ADMISSION OF DEFEAT?

GA: No One Was Taking Bets We Just Wanted To Be Prepared Just In Case

TA: ii totally wanted two bet on how long iit would be but KN had two be a fuckiing buzzkiill.

GA: Sollux Can We Not Do This Now

GC: UUUUUGH

GC: K4RK4T STOP WH4T3V3R HUG3 R4NT YOU JUST ST4RT3D TYP1NG 4ND L3T US F1N1SH 3XPL41N1NG SH1T TO YOU SO W3 C4N M4K3 SUR3 YOU DONT D13

GC: 1 ST1LL H4V3 SOM3 FR13NDS PL4N3TS1D3

GC: 1M T4LK1NG TO VR1SK4 NOW

CG: PLEASE TELL ME THIS ENTIRE PLAN DOESNT HINGE ON VRISKA.

GC: SH3 H4S PROM1S3D TO B3H4V3

GC: 4ND 1F SH3 DO3S NOT, T3LL M3 WH3N YOU G3T TO 34RTH 4ND 1 W1LL D34L W1TH H3R

GC: 4NYW4Y SH3 W1LL B3 OUTS1D3 YOUR H1VE 1N TWO HOURS TO P1CK YOU UP 4ND G1V3 YOU SOLLUX’S 1LLEG4L DOCUM3NT4T1ON

GC: SH3 W1LL DROP YOU OFF A D1SCR33T D1ST4NC3 FROM TH3 SP4C3PORT SO 4S TO 4VO1D SUSP1C1ON

GC: TH3 WORK3RS 4T TH3 PORT W1LL PO1NT YOU TO TH3 SH1P YOU N33D TO BO4RD

GC: ONC3 YOUR3 ON TH3 SH1P YOU 4R3 PR3TTY MUCH HOM3 FR33

GA: I Will Be Waiting For You In Houston

GA: It Will Take A Few Days For You To Get Here Of Course But I Will Meet You When You Arrive

GC: 4ND L1K3 1 S41D 1 W1LL H3LP YOU D34L W1TH TH3 HUM4NS P4P3RWORK

GC: 1 H4D TO D34L W1TH 1T ON MY OWN 4ND TH3N H3LP BOTH K4N4Y4 4ND SOLLUX F1GUR3 TH31RS OUT

GC: SO B3TW33N 4LL TH4T 4ND MY LIN3 OF WORK 1 4M PR3TTY MUCH 4N 3XP3RT >:]

CG: WHAT THE FUCK IS HOUSTON.

GA: Oh

GA: Houston Is The City Where The Spaceship Lands

GA: And Also Where Porrims Shop Is And Therefore Where You Will Be Living

GA: At Least Until You Are Adjusted Enough To Earth To Decide If You Want To Do Something Else I Suppose

GC: Y34H HUM4NS PUT 4 PR3TTY B1G D34L ON N4M1NG PL4C3S

GC: YOU G3T US3D TO 1T PR3TTY QU1CKLY

CG: OKAY.

CG: OKAY I THINK I CAN DO THIS.

CG: IM GONNA START PACKING.

GA: See You In A Few Days

GC: GOOD LUCK >:]

TA: later KK.

—twinArmageddons [TA] closed the chat room —

#homestuck #karkat vantas #kanaya maryam #terezi pyrope #sollux captor #longpost #fanfiction #fanfic #calmvsstormfic #calmvsstormchapter #katt does a writing #LAST PROLOGUE I PROMISE WERE ON THE REAL STORY NOW

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