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makeste · 3 years

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BnHA Chapter 317: My Boy Was Just Like Me

Previously on BnHA: AFO randomly blew up Lady Nagant as a good reminder of why you should never make a deal with this fucking guy, smdh. Hawks was all “well if it isn’t my two best friends, Deku and Lady Nagant, both of whom I respect and love tremendously.” Everyone was all “??” and Horikoshi was all “shh... just pretend” because it was too embarrassing for him to admit that he forgot to write a couple of set-up flashbacks I guess. Anyway so Hawks got Lady to tell them where AFO was hiding out, and everyone said goodbye to her and Overhaul, who never did get to see his boss (sorry buddy, I’ll send you a vial of my tears in the mail), and headed out to a house in the woods. AFO was all “hello Deku :) :) it sure is fun making you suffer :) :) :) anyways this is a trap”, and blew up the house. Yeah, we all here are getting reaaaaaaaal tired of your shit, AFO.

Today on BnHA: The Hawksquad and Edgeplatoon meet in a warehouse and are all “what should we do about the fact that everything sucks?” Mt. Lady is all “here’s a thought, what if we tried battling AFO with more than six people.” Hawks and Endeavor are all “great initiative, but just a friendly reminder that our friends also suck and would probably betray Deku which would suck further still.” Shouto is all “ANSWER THE PHONE DAD” and Endeavor is all “[IRONICALLY DOESN’T ANSWER THE PHONE].” Meanwhile over in Sadtown, capital of Sadland Prefecture, Japan, Deku is all “All Might, as you can clearly see I am completely fine and good, never been better in fact, definitely not caught up in the throes of an epic mental breakdown which is shutting me down emotionally, anyway so on that note I would like to leave you now goodbye!!” All Might is all “[can’t actually form any words because he’s too distraught].” Fandom is all “o(╥﹏╥)o.” Horikoshi is all “(*＾-’) 乃 [pew pew finger guns and barrel rolls into the darkness].”

sweet jesus lord

this literally doesn’t even look like Deku anymore?? this looks like Dark!Deku who shows up to fight you in that one room in the Water Temple. he looks like he’s about to crawl out of my television set and murder me with his psychic powers good lord

holy shit lmao Horikoshi is really just shrugging his shoulders and resolving last week’s cliffhanger with a single line of dialogue

fire is no one’s weakness. idk what other options you’ve got, AFO, but you’re gonna have to go back to the drawing board. maybe try bees or something. I’m just saying. we’re all expecting fire at this point but nobody is expecting bees

anyway so now they’re all sitting in some warehouse somewhere chatting about it I guess. shoutout to Horikoshi for finally giving my man Edgeshot some more dialogue at long last

well, Edgeshot, to answer your question, she exploded. so naturally she’s fine

nah just kidding, Hawks says she won’t be able to help them out much because she’s recovering from being exploded. this is the part where we all ignore the fact that Hawks got set on fire for like a full ten minutes back during the War arc and was only in the hospital for a day. anyways enjoy your temporary plot hiatus Nagant

man there’s a lot of dialogue here and I’m trying to figure out where to insert commentary but it’s kinda difficult lol. basically, Edge and the others are saying that they should gather up the other remaining heroes and get them all caught up on the whole OFA situation. which, hmmmm

like on the one hand, these guys definitely aren’t going to cut it on their own, so it’s a reasonable suggestion on the face of it. but on the other hand, do we really want to entrust the OFA secret to a bunch of other people, most of whom shat the bed during the War arc to be quite frank? is it really worth the additional risk? especially given that any one of them might go spilling the beans to the public -- or worse, betray them to AFO??

also just a quick side note here, Mt. Lady’s character development never ceases to delight me. she’s become so committed to her responsibility as a hero these days, and it fucking suits her. I genuinely consider to be one of the elites now. I mean it doesn’t hurt that all the other elites are fucking dead lol but still

wait what? Death Arms retired??

Death Arms as in the guy who was too afraid of a little fire to try and save a terrified 14-year-old kid who was slowly suffocating right before his eyes?? that Death Arms???? color me surprised. shocked, I tell you

...okay but holy fuck

Death Arms. bro. my expectations for you were low but holy shit. like I’m sorry, but I don’t even have it in me to try and pretend like I feel the slightest bit of sympathy for him or Old Man Samurai or any of those other guys today. thanks for a whole lot of nothing my dude. good riddance

(ETA: so I’m rereading this the next day and realize this comes off as kind of harsh, so let me just try to clarify. it’s not the fact that he’s quitting that bothers me, to be honest. it’s the fact that he’s quitting specifically because he feels like the public is being mean to him. that’s it.

seriously. it would be one thing if he was quitting because he was scared, because now that is human. nobody wants to die, and I doubt any amount of training can ever fully prepare someone to go up against that fear. but the thing is, he never once mentions that, or talks about the danger aspect. instead, I got the distinct vibe from this speech that Death Arms is one of those people who only became a hero because of the limelight. and I just don’t have any patience for that. if all you care about are likes and subscribes then go become a fucking youtuber or some shit. nothing wrong with that! but you didn’t; you signed up to be a hero and protect these people. they gave you their respect and admiration because they trusted you to protect them. and now that they’re no longer in the mood to worship and applaud your every move on account of them being scared shitless because they’re living in the literal end times, you decide to dip. so like okay, fine then. don’t let the door hit you on the way out. anyways lol sorry for the rant.)

anyway so yeah. perfect example of why I don’t exactly have a ton of faith in most of the remaining heroes out there lol. also let me just once again give a shoutout to my best girl Mt. Lady whom I suddenly find myself appreciating all the more

“please calm down makeste. drink some water and enjoy this fresh new jeans pun” listen Horikoshi don’t tell me what to do dammit

fine. it is a nice pun, I guess

-- damn so now Endeavor’s saying that the media is already being fed info by the retired heroes. so for some of these guys it wasn’t enough for them to abandon all the people they swore to protect and to leave their fellow heroes out in the cold; they decided they might as well actively make things worse for them while they were at it, huh. like I get wanting to spill all the dirty secrets from your old job that you just quit, but this isn’t Jeff Bezos you’re screwing over, this is a sixteen-year-old kid

-- like, yes!! this, right here!!

exactly!! let’s not forget that there are already two prior instances of this happening. Endeavor arguably deserved it, but Katsuki not so much

huh. Endeavor seems to have a more optimistic outlook regarding this than I do lol

I mean, this is the same public that didn’t hesitant to blame a kidnapped child for his own kidnapping, and then later on for being the downfall of the Symbol of Peace. but okay then

anyway so blah blah blah, more talk about how they need to use Deku as bait, which basically puts them back at square one, and then they’re all just trailing off into silence and sitting around in the dark lmao this is getting very depressing

SKDJFLSDKJ:LFKJ

SHOUTO?????

NOOOOOOOO ARE YOU KIDDING ME

OH HOW THE TURNTABLES OMG. THE GHOSTER HAS BECOME THE GHOSTEE. Endeavor you petty son of a bitch. and what a brutal cut to that flashback too. “let’s stop Touya together” nah Shouto I’ve got a better idea why don’t I abandon you in U.A. and sally off with Hawks and Jeanist to found the “let’s pretend like we’re doing something to help Deku” club, which basically consists of us sitting around making terrible decisions all day long

Shouto, honey. you deserve better my little Coca Cola can. .........but if you really do have something important you need to tell your dad you could just text it to him. all the love and support, hugs and kisses, you’re doing amazing sweetie. but if you need to pass on any vital information you can just write it down and hit send honey that’s all I’m saying love

now he’s getting another call?? -- or, no, Hawks is getting a call from All Might

ARE YOU FOR REAL HAWKS OMFG

so while you all were sitting around talking about how useless you are, the kid you’re supposed to be protecting was battling another hired gun. I see. please pardon me for one second, I have a phone call to make. the phone call is to RockLockRock and Manual. the reason for the call is to apologize for calling them the worst bodyguards ever back during the War arc. the reason for the apology is because it turns out I WAS SEVERELY MISTAKEN OMFG

JESUS CHRIST DEKU DID YOU JUST KILL THIS MAN LMAO

shoutout to Horikoshi for offscreening this fight. we get it, lol. Deku strong and scary, villains ineffectual and feeble, and AFO... [checks notes] yep, still a dick. the angst arc continues

-- the angst arc continues, SIR

jesus christ I may have to rethink all of my opinions about Deku being framed for murder in movie 3 lmao. never mind. he did it, your honor

holy fucking shit Deku. “he might blow up, so please be careful” fdlskjflk jlskdjflk lwkejflk anyway so I’ve decided the explosion running gag can stay, actually

DEKU WAIT YOU FORGOT YOUR LUNCH!!

lol why do I get the feeling some serious shit is about to go down. ALL MIGHT NEVER MIND BACK OFF I THINK HE NEEDS HIS SPACE

OH MY FUCK I GASPED OUT LOUD

NO NO NO. I KNEW THIS WAS COMING GODDAMMIT BUT NO. NEVER MIND, I CHANGED MY MIND ABOUT IT, I’M NOT READY TO CRY TODAY

shit. shit shit shit shit and OF COURSE all I can fucking think about is that stupid fucking prophecy and gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Deku please. please please please if you really are going to leave All Might here, please be so very careful in choosing your farewell words to him now because have this sudden horrible fear that this might be the last time you ever see him alive and oh god. oh god oh god

DEKU NO, YOU’RE REALLY NOT!?!?

I HAVE NEVER SEEN ANYONE LESS FINE IN MY LIFE, ACTUALLY????

holy shit. and the fucking callback to the prophecy now. just in case we forgot. WHICH FYI, WE DIDN’T. but that’s basically confirming that this is all still very much on the table and HORIKOSHI NEVER FORGETS oh my god someone please hold me

and the fact that Deku’s flashing back to it now too, though?? because he never forgot either, because of course he didn’t, and now all this stuff is happening, and AFO’s words are getting to him, and this is literally his worst fear come to life and so of course he’s distancing himself from everyone, and now it’s finally come to even this. even the person he admires most

-- OKAY NO, FUCKING COME ON ALREADY I CAN’T TAKE THIS

I GET IT OH MY GOD, I ALREADY UNDERSTAND THE EMOTIONAL IMPACT OF THIS MOMENT WITHOUT ALL OF THE DEVASTATING FLASHBACKS THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH!! YOU ACTUALLY DO WANT ME TO CRY, HUH, IS THAT IT. THIS MAN THAT HE THINKS OF AS A FATHER, THIS MAN WHO HAS BEEN EVERYTHING TO HIM SINCE HE WAS A VERY YOUNG CHILD. EVERYTHING THEY’VE BEEN THROUGH, JUXTAPOSED AGAINST EVERYTHING DEKU IS UP AGAINST, EVERYTHING THAT’S AT RISK. LET’S JUST PUT IT ALL SIDE BY SIDE. LET’S JUST PILE ON ALL OF THE FEELS

(ETA: just a quick note that even though some of the posts I’ve read have described these as All Might’s flashbacks, I’m pretty sure they are Deku’s. most of these are scenes that only he was there for, so yeah. even though All Might is the one thinking the thoughts on the next page, the flashbacks are what’s running through Deku’s mind right now, and so we’re getting that emotion from both of them, which makes it extra devastating lol.)

wait, what???

WHAT??? do you really think that’s why he’s been so determined to protect you this entire time?? simply because you’re his successor?

-- oh no wait lol I think I got that mixed up, this is All Might saying that Deku feels the need to protect him. well that makes more sense lol

oh my god I cannot

his last words. his last words to him. and we can’t even see if he is smiling, like All Might always encouraged him to do. but what are the odds he can’t actually bring himself to do it. what are the odds he’s actually crying. oh god this scene is going to rip my heart out and STOMP on it in the anime isn’t it. Deku’s VA is going to full on murder me with emotion. not that there’ll be much of me left to murder after the thorough job that Horikoshi has already done here

YOU’RE CRYING. DEKU IS LEAVING ALL MIGHT AND IGNORING HIS OUTSTRETCHED HAND AND YOU’RE CRYING. AND BY “YOU” I MEAN “ME”, FUCK

nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope no words just feels just a big ol’ pile of feels. I do not have the strength. future me... [broadly gestures] good luck with all that

(ETA: LOL, WELL THEN.

what breaks my heart here is All Might. All Might, and everything he’s been through, and history repeating itself, and forcing him to live this moment from both sides because he wasn’t strong enough to fix things.

Toshinori had only just turned eighteen when Nana died. like, I feel like we don’t mention this enough. the All Might we know is a sixty-something-year-old man, and so everyone always talks about him like he’s basically been an adult forever. but he was a child when he met Nana. and he was still just a child when she died. barely a year older than Deku is now. younger than Mirio was when we first met him.

and we don’t talk about that. we don’t talk about how devastating that was for him. and we don’t talk about how the reason he grew up to become so reserved and withdrawn -- for all that he always tried so hard to outwardly project the image of a bold, confident, smiling hero -- was specifically because of what AFO did to him. because AFO targeted him in the exact way that he is now targeting Deku. because that’s what he does. he goes after every new user of OFA, and he finds out what’s most important to them, and then he destroys it. and for Toshinori, that was Nana. if you’ve read All Might Rising, you know that AFO basically killed her in front of him (and only killed her, while letting Toshinori and Gran get away). Toshinori (while crying) later says she was like a mother to him. and interestingly enough, during this same conversation, Gran tells Toshinori that he can see “that madness in [his] eyes” when Toshi talks about becoming strong enough to defeat AFO. madness in his eyes. sound familiar??

what’s happening to Deku now is the exact same thing that happened to Toshinori when he was a boy. AFO tried every bit as hard to break him as he’s trying with Deku now. “the path you’ve chosen is a thorny one. every battle grinds away at your soul with no end in sight.” we don’t talk about how Toshinori experienced this same thing for forty fucking years. and all the while isolating himself, exactly like Deku is doing now. pushing people away, exactly like Deku. because he never had anyone who was able to reach out and pull him back. and those words that he now finds himself frozen and unable to speak -- “don’t push yourself”; “you can rest” -- are the same words that no one ever said to him until decades later, when it was already far too late to make any difference.

everything that Deku is experiencing now is what Toshinori also went through. and it’s only now, as he watches it happen to his student, the boy he loves like a son, that he’s finally starting to realize the full extent of how wrong it was. you shouldn’t have to fight alone. you shouldn’t have to bear that kind of enormous burden alone. you shouldn’t have to push yourself, and you can rest. you can rest.

but it’s too late. just as he’s finally coming to understand it all, it’s all too fucking late. and he can’t say the words, he doesn’t know how to say the words, and then just like that, Deku is gone.

and he’s alone. again.)

I can’t. this can’t be their goodbye. I’m not ready. for this to be how they finally part, and then they never see each other again except in OFA. how is that fair. how is that fair. how is that fair

fuck me. lol. how many pages are left in this thing. let’s just wrap this up lol. so now of all the times for this fucking guy to finally show up

I can’t believe Stain has been here literally this entire time hiding behind this random wall and cutting onions. that was you who was cutting the onions, right. no need to answer that we’ll just say it was

HORIKOSHI JUST END THE CHAPTER PLEASE I’M OUT OF SPOONS. YOU HURT ME SO GOOD AND I LOVE YOU FOR IT BUT YOU NEED TO LET ME GO NOW SO I CAN BEGIN THE PROCESS OF TRYING TO PUT MY LIFE BACK IN ORDER HERE. SO WHERE ARE WE CUTTING TO NOW WHAT IS HAPPENING

Stain did you also let AFO give you a new quirk. what’s with you guys. do you like blowing up

oh nvm lol because they were talking about THIS GUY ohhhhhh my fucking god

THAT’S BECAUSE HE’S SAD, LINDA!! jesus

omfg. and so yes, good, the chapter is ending here now on page 15. for once I am FULLY on board with that lmao

anyway so tune in next week for more adventures of Werewolf Deku!! that is, assuming we don’t finally cut back to U.A. at long last, which is actually a strong possibility considering that this chapter will likely mark the end of volume 31. it sure wouldn’t kill Horikoshi to start giving us some hope after everything he’s just put us through lol. KACCHAN COME GET YA BOY

#bnha 317 #all might #midoriya izuku #and endeavor and hawks and mt. lady and all the rest of them I guess #literally forgot all about them by the end lol #bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha meta #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #bnha manga spoilers #makeste reads bnha #this wound up so long lmao I'm so sorry

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peculiarmindset · 3 years

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I hc that Viktor has these little hiccup-burps that slip out midsentence and whoever he’s talking to waits for him to excuse himself and he just never does

…hi.Lol. 🤗 But seriously, how is everyone? Well…I’ve been gone for quite some time, huh? I literally have had so much irl stuff going on these past years (especially the recent years- 2020, anyone?) that I just didn’t have time or efforts to post anything. That and I forgot about this tumblr at times, oops 🤭I’m currently doing well and yes, I still have these weird kinks (I’ve accepted the fact that I will always have a fart/poop/burp fetish and even though I haven’t been writing, I always find myself reading some good stuff every once in a while). I recently remembered this tumblr and I slowly started wanting to write something again. Don’t get your hopes up- I’ve always been a sporadic writer who only writes when I want to. Thankfully, I have the itch to write right now.I won’t post everyday, but I’ll try not to disappear for years again. 😅 I may disappear for months, but I’ll try not years…😏 Also, heads up but I’m more in a Harry Potter mood right now so the upcoming things I’ll post with involve the HP fandom mostly- sorry for my anime fans, but this is what I want to write right now and you can always replace the characters with the anime you like in your mind and think at it as an wizardly AU 😉.Anyway, I actually wrote the below story years ago and just forgot to post it- so please enjoy~"Hey Victor!" Phichit lifted his hand in greeting as he made his way towards the skating idol.The Thai skater was currently in Russia for a skating competition. So of course, he made sure to pay a short visit (okay, so maybe he more like clung on and never let go) to his best friend, Katsuki Yuuri (who was now being coached in Russia by said skating idol/best friend stealer).In all seriousness though, Phichit had no problems at all with Victor Nikiforov. Even though he barely knew the guy (other than what was based on the idol's social media, his best friend Yuuri's obsession with skating coach/competitor/fiance and his own few handfuls of personal interactions) he could pretty much say that the silver-haired Russian was perfect.A little TOO perfect.Perfect enough that it made Phichit want to know if there were other sides to The Perfect Victor Nikiforov.So while Phichit was on break, (Yakov generously gave Celestino permission to share the rink- although it could have definitely have been because of Yuuri and that his smol son was 110% the Russian coach's favorite student) and said traitor of a best friend had abandoned him to go hang it with Russian Yuri (Phichit's not hurt by this at all, nope) the Thai skater decide that this was the best time to get to know Victor better.You know, for friendly purposes. Not to reveal any dirty, dark secrets of the older skater that he could possibly use against him as blackmail if the idol ever chose to break Yuuri's heart or anything.Of course not.So when he called for the other's attention, Victor put down his the water bottle he had been drinking and looked towards the approaching Thai. "Ah, yes-up!" The silver-haired man smiled, letting out a tiny hiccup at the end of his sentence.Phichit grinned as he skidded to a stop in front of the other skater. Even hiccuping, the other was cute."Ah, it's nothing..." Phichit started, stretching out his arms behind his back. "It's just that I realized that even though you're engaged to my best friend and all, I never really had the chance to get to speak to you one on one. You know like fiance to best friend/mama bear." Phichit told him with a smile that silently spoke a thousand years.Victor froze and looked at Phichit with cautious new eyes.The Thai skater continued to smile as he spoke. "So just to be sure that we're on the same page...I just wanted to know- how do you really feel about MY Yuuri?" Phichit's normally bright voice took on a serious tone after that as he narrowed his eyes at the other, "Because if you're just playing around with him than I swear I'll-"With no hesituation, Victor blurted out, "I l-urrrp! love him!" Phichit blinked as the 'love confession' was interrupted by an unexpected short but loud burp by the other.But instead of excusing himself like Phichit expected the idol to do, Victor pushed on."Yuu-urrrp! is an ange-ullp! beyond any comparrrrp!ison on this world! Beforrrpp! him, I-ulllp! ullp! was lost and was won-ullp! UrrRRPP! wondering if I should-ullp! continue skat-urrrp!ing or-ullp! not!"Phichit just watched the other in gross astonishment as the older skater sang Yuuri's praises to him with pauses of weird hiccuppy-burps along the way. The Thai could barely understand the words coming out of the other's mouth by the way.Phichit had to bite his tongue at one point to keep himself from laughing when Victor injected his love a little TOO hard and ended up forcing out a huge belch in the process.He wondered if the skating idol knew how...well, disgusting he was being- if Phichit were being completely honest.He thought that maybe the idol was unaware of the bouts of gas or if he just didn't care.Phichit decided to go with the latter when everyone in the rink just ignored the other's obvious hiccup-burps (and they were way too loud to not be noticed by everyone around).Actually, Phichit did notice Yuuri sending his fiancé a fond exasperated look as he shook his head while Russian Yuri at his side just swore loudly at Victor before rolling his eyes and continuing his chat with Phichit's best friend (really, Phichit decided right then and there that he was gonna have a chat with the blonde next- just to make sure that they were all on the same page on who Katsuki Yuuri's BFF truly was.)"Victor." Phichit finally cut into the other's tirade."Yes-ullp?" Victor had been hiccuping more in the last few minutes.Making sure to keep a straight face, Phichit held out his hand."Okay." He said finally."Okay...?" Victor repeated unsurely, for once no hiccups or burps coming out."I give you my blessing to marry my...our Yuuri." Phichit told him solemnly. The Thai then couldn't help but let out a small chuckle when the other whooped in happiness and furiously pulled him into a huge hug."Oh thank you-uuurrRRRRPPPPPP!" Victor yelled, with a particularly wet belch following at the end.That was it.Phichit burst out laughing at the GINORMOUS burp that came out of the other's mouth. It was really the loudest and wettest one yet.Clueless as to what set the Thai skater off, Victor asked him what was so funny. But Phichit just grinned, waving him off as Yakov yelled at Victor to stop slacking off, finally made aware that the silver-haired skater hadn't been doing his practice laps like he was supposed to.Phichit watched as Victor skated away and shook his head.Well. He felt like he truly got to know a whole different side to Victor Nikiforov all right. But, oh well- he'll just keep the other's cute and kinda gross side to himself and not make a post about it on his social media accounts.For now anyway.With a light feeling in his skates, Phichit whistled as he made his way towards the two Yuri's for yet another 'friendly' confrontation.

#Asks #Announcement #YOI #Burping #Victor #Phichit #Yuuri #Yuri

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latesummernights · 3 years

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WHAT. A. STRANGE. YEAR.

-is what I think when I look back on 2020. Today is 31 Dec'20 & I feel like I wanna write something. Not really sure about what to write but I think I'll just take this moment to be honest & vulnerable, pouring my thoughts & feelings about 2020 - the strangest year ever.

Let's start with something cliche: what I'm most grateful about. As you might have known, I've been working on Peach Over Berries, a business I started back then in mid-2019, and been focusing more during pandemic due to more free time. Still remember last Dec'19 we hit 1K followers (took me ~6months!!! Super slow) However this year it's growing really well, much more than I expected (P.S I'm the type that always set achievable goals for instant gratification lol) Never thought I'd think that I'll be able to live from Peach Over Berries, even tho my 9to6 job is still my main source of income. I used to think Peach Over Berries is my happy space. A playground where I could pour out my creativity & idealism, as well as try & fail & try again in many things. I have this weird urge of wanting major control in things that I do, which I can't really find in my 9to6 job. But as I’m getting more serious about it, somehow, sometimes, it begins to feel like a burden. I saw it coming tho. I expected it. I know when we consider something as our career, as something that could feed us, it’s not gonna be entirely a happy space. It’s going to feel like a burden at some point. I think I’ve said it somewhere in this blog that I’m naturally & raised as a competitive person and as I started to keep track of the numbers: followers, revenue, profit, engagement, etc - the burden starts to feel more & more real. Now the next step is, which is also something that I need to seriously think about: how to make peace with the burden & keep moving on. Anyway despite the negative feeling, I’m still tremendously grateful. Without the pandemic I don’t think it would happen this soon.

Moving on to something more personal… Prior to pandemic I’ve mostly been living apart from my family for years. I used to dislike being at home cause of some things I don’t think I’d share here. Turned out after ~9months of living together with my family again, actually it’s not as bad as it was before…and I kinda enjoy it?! I used to hate when people change as if I forgot that it could be for a better direction but now I’m happy to see our personal growth. However, I still feel like something is missing. I once read that we can never really relaxed & rest assured unless when we’re really alone - and I resonate with these words extremely well. Living with my family still feels like I need to be available all the time & I’m not sure how to explain but saying “don’t disturb me” won’t be a great help. Also, have I told you that my room has no window & there’s a hole for shared air-con with my brother? R.I.P privacy lol. I enjoy me-time a lot when I’m just doing my things with minimum distraction or just getting lost in my thoughts. Besides, when I’m completely alone I feel like I could be more honest with myself. I hesitate a lot in showing my hardships/crying in front of other people & as this pandemic brings a lot of negative feelings - it’s not easy to release them when I’m not alone. Well I hope by sharing this I don’t come off as if I don’t love my family cause I love them & I care about them. Heard it somewhere that distance is the 6th love language and I think if it’s included in the test it would be in my top 2 list lol. (#1 would still be act of service, I believe…or not?) Anyway I’m considering to rent a room next year & see how to balance my time alone while still connecting with my family. Finger crossed!

Despite my need of being alone, after all I’m still a human… and humans are social creatures lol. My family is quite strict about the pandemic (me too). Me & my brother are both working from home. We don’t really go anywhere, only eating out sometimes (MUST be outdoor & not too crowded so we could still apply social distancing) or rent Airbnb in town. We spray alcohol over everything that we touch. We limit interactions with other people and we do voting every time a family member wants to meet others. That being said, I rarely meet other people... and the pandemic makes me realize that my virtual social interaction capacity is actually pretty limited. Even with my closest ones, responding to text often feels heavy as well as initiating or joining calls. I desperately miss “real connection” with my closest ones and I truly hope next year will be better. I’ve shared about this before in my previous post so I won’t talk too much about it.

Talking about closest ones, I only have a very few of ‘em & I’d like to keep it that way. However, I love meeting new people and being inspired by their different ways of living. I constantly think that we’re only one decision away from a totally different life - but that one decision needs to be considered carefully, don’t you think so? There are consequences of each of the decisions that we make, and by knowing “real” people who take similar decisions, I believe I could make better assumptions of the consequences. I have some ideas in my mind on how to connect with more people but then…. the pandemic came. I guess for now I’ll just stick with watching Terrace House.

Lastly…I would like to share about the familiar feeling that I’ve been feeling all my life, which is getting more obvious during pandemic: emptiness. I feel like it’s becoming more often for me to suddenly pause when I’m doing something, questioning why the hell am I doing this. Then the circle of questions comes: okay I do this for this objective - but then what, then what, then what? I’m not a religious individual but I understand the main goal that I should aim according to my religion, but feels like I’m getting even further from it. I constantly find myself easily demotivated, it could be even just a few seconds away after the burning motivation that I felt. The thought of wanting to disappear also comes more often than ever. Can’t believe there’d come the day when I’d say this - but I miss joining intense meditation retreat. I think I’ll sign up for one after the world gets better.

—

Wow what a long post! Just realized that I shared lots of personal struggles (even tho not in detail). Actually one of my main sources of insecurities this year is that almost everyone around me seems to be doing just fine despite the pandemic, meanwhile I often feel that I’m not fine. The ones who share their struggles are usually the self-help accounts that I follow on social media, or people I don’t know personally. Thus I hope if in any way you’re experiencing similar feelings like mine, this writing could comfort you that you’re not alone. Also hope the world will heal soon & 2021 to be a better year for us!

#2020 #2020 thoughts #new year #self reflection #self

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mxliv-oftheendless · 4 years

Text

The Mysterious Disappearance of Heather McMann

I have... no explanation for this story lol. Well, actually I do: I was thinking about how Heather quit the band, and I suddenly thought about how in the eyes of the general public, that have no idea of who she really is or what really happened, this would be incredibly weird. And since I’ve been Buzzfeed Unsolved trash for a while now, this made me consider the possibility of there being an Unsolved video about Heather. And... that’s how this came into being lol. It also serves as a way for me to figure out Heather’s Earth timeline a little. Enjoooy!

Commentary text:

Ryan

Shane

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

[camera opens on Ryan and Shane sitting at their desk in their office set]

“This week on Buzzfeed Unsolved we take a look at the case of Heather McMann, a former member of the band KISS who played with the band for only three years before disappearing without a trace. This will also be the first time we look at a case involving a famous rock band.”

Shane nods. “Very famous. KISS—everybody knows KISS.”

“Yeah. Honestly, they’re not my preferred type of music, but I did listen to some of their songs while doing my research, and they’re pretty good.”

“They’re very good! I mean they’re pretty iconic, I think. I will say, though, I have never heard of Heather McMann.”

“Not many people have. She’s kind of this forgotten fifth member of KISS.”

“Well, I’m interested. Let’s hear about it, Ryan.” [Ryan opens his case file, and the camera cuts to the slideshow. Music begins as Ryan narrates]

“In 1980, KISS was beginning to rapidly decline in popularity. Although they still had a massive fanbase, they were facing problems. The original drummer, Peter Criss, had left the band after filming the music videos for the singles off their album Unmasked, and was replaced by Eric Carr. In following KISS tradition of having makeup and a stage identity, Eric Carr became the Fox, replacing Peter, who had been the Catman.”

yeah this was the thing that always interested me about KISS, that they had these alter egos and their heavy makeup

yeah that’s

it’s very cool

you don’t usually hear about a band going that extra mile ever

“Remaining KISS members Paul Stanley, Gene Simmons, and Ace Frehley decided to introduce Eric Carr as their new drummer during their television appearance on the show Kids Are People Too. And it was also on Kids Are People Too that they would surprise everyone, by introducing their recently-added fifth member, Heather McMann.” [with narration: stock footage of Heather McMann in full costume stepping out onstage, smiling and waving as she goes to sit with the band]

they introduced her, and no one knew it was going to happen?

yeah. the way it happened was, they brought out Eric Carr, the Fox, and then they were suddenly like, “there’s one other person we need to introduce.” and then they brought out Heather McMann.

oh. that’s kinda cool. did she have a stage persona?

yeah, she did. hers was the Black Dahlia.

nice. reminds me of the murder.

it probably reminded a lot of people of the murder

“The unexpected introduction of a fifth member came as a shock to the music world, as well as the KISS Army. Their inclusion of a fifth member, who also happened to be a woman, quickly received criticism from fans. An article of Rolling Stone on the event said, quote, “This will be the straw that breaks the camel’s back for the KISS Army. First KISS turns to disco for their album Dynasty, then pop rock for Unmasked, then Peter Criss either quits or is kicked out, and now they introduce two new members at once, one of whom is a girl. KISS has made many blunders, but this is by far the worst. It is the opinion of this author that KISS will be long gone within five years.” End quote.”

now that’s a bunch of bullshit.

eheheheh, I know.

“oh no! a woman is playing rock music! she’s insane! this is the end for KISS!”

hahahahahahaha

joke’s on that guy, ‘cause KISS has been around for how long now?

over forty years, I think

thought so. get rekt, asshole.

“Though, KISS mostly ignored the criticism, and regardless of it, Heather McMann was introduced into KISS as the Black Dahlia, their self-appointed “harmony guitarist.”

I didn’t even know “harmony guitarist” was a thing

heheh, yeah, neither did I

that’s kinda cool

but it is indeed a thing

“While on the Unmasked tour, Heather would work well with the band. Fans who went to shows on the tour felt that the band’s sound was enhanced with Heather playing with them. One fan said, quote, “I’ll admit I was on the fence about Heather being in the band. But the show was amazing. Her harmony playing mixed in with the rest gave the sound something extra that I really liked. It was mind-blowing.” End quote. Also observed was the close friendship of Heather McMann and Paul Stanley. Though many gossip magazines would claim they were romantically involved, both friends denied the claims, sometimes even laughing outright at them. [screen shows footage from an interview, of Paul Stanley and Heather McMann in makeup, laughing together]

Stanley himself said of McMann, quote, “She’s one of my oldest and best friends. We’re practically siblings. I really think that if Heather hadn’t been there to encourage me and my music, there would be no KISS.” End quote.”

gotta be honest, it’s pretty great that they were such good friends

yeah that’s really sweet

it is

are they still best friends?

well I don’t know, because she disappeared

oh yeah (wheeze) I forgot about that

you were so wrapped up in how lovely their friendship was

(wheeze) that for a moment I forgot what we were doing here

heheheheh

“Other than Stanley, many others who knew McMann described her as a friendly, likeable person. Gene Simmons once described her as, quote, “an incredible woman who will call you out and then help you be better,” end quote. Ace Frehley has praised her as well, saying, quote, “She’s the kinda woman who’ll say she’s okay even when she’s great, but then bash you over the head with her guitar if you give her any bullshit. She’s a force to be reckoned with.” end quote. Heather McMann would play with KISS for their Unmasked tour, and was reportedly also a guitar player on their 1981 album, Music of the Elder. Though KISS made many promotional appearances for the album, McMann included, in the end, there was no tour for it.”

why wasn’t there a tour for it?

it did really bad. like really super fucking bad.

like, it tanked

is it that bad?

I dunno, I’ve never listened to it.

we should listen to it after this

“Ace Frehley would leave the band in 1982 while they recorded their next album, Creatures of the Night, and although he appears in all promotional aspects, he didn’t actually play on the album itself. Most of the guitar playing on the album was done by McMann and Vinnie Vincent, who joined the band as their new lead guitarist and adopted the persona of the Ankh Warrior.”

if he wasn’t on the album then why did they do that?

I don’t

seems like a waste of time, honestly

I don’t know. maybe his contract had something to do with it… I really don’t know.

weird decision to make

“It was during the Creatures tour that McMann began to show out of the ordinary behavior. During interviews, she would be completely quiet and not say a word unless prompted to. Paul Stanley would often sit beside her and try to engage her in the interview. People who encountered her often said she looked troubled about something, even depressed. She would also stay off to the side during shows, and according to online accounts would actively try to stay out of photographs. Heather would play with KISS as the Black Dahlia on the Creatures tour up until February 23rd, 1983, when KISS played a show at Cobo Arena in Detroit, Michigan. And then, Heather McMann was never seen or heard from again.”

she didn’t even last until the end of the tour?

nope, she did not

I mean they’re just asking us to investigate this at this point

(wheeze) they might as well just hold up a sign that says INVESTIGATE US

HEY GHOUL BOYS, WE’VE GOT A MYSTERY FOR YA

hahahaha

I love it

but in all seriousness, it is very odd to just drop out of the band you’re in halfway through a tour

yeah, Ryan, it is very odd

“Since Heather McMann was only a member of KISS for three short years, and since no one has ever seen or heard any sign of her, she has since her disappearance fell into obscurity. However, that being said, there are many debated theories on what happened to the former member of the hottest band in the world. The first theory is that Heather McMann suffered a mental breakdown, quit the band, dropped out of the public eye so she could recuperate, and simply never came back. Proponents of this theory point to her odd behavior during interviews while on the Creatures tour, and how she seemed troubled and depressed about something. According to one source, during the night when KISS was staying in their hotel in Syracuse, New York, a cleaning lady was walking down the hallway when she encountered McMann, who was, quote, “sitting out in the hallway with her face buried in her knees, looking like she’d been crying,” end quote. The cleaning lady also claimed Stanley was outside with her, with an arm around her shoulders and appearing to be comforting her. Though, this is from a known tabloid magazine, in the context of them claiming McMann had been dumped by a supposed boyfriend, so take this was an enormous grain of salt.”

regardless of whether or not this theory is true, it is nice that Paul was willing to comfort his best friend like that

yeah that is very nice of him

that’s a true friend right there

like the saying goes, “if you don’t love me at my worst, you can’t love me at my best”

deep

yeah, I know

“That being said, however, critics of this theory point out how, when she was engaged in conversation and when she was onstage with the band, McMann behaved normally. The second theory is that Heather was fired. Proponents of this theory cite her odd behavior during the Creatures tour, and how she would appear to get into arguments with the other band members onstage. Footage recorded of the show in Atlanta shows Heather in the background with Vinnie Vincent, seemingly in a heated discussion. People also point to the story of how, a week before the show that would be Heather’s last public appearance with the band, she and Paul Stanley had a violent argument, yelling back and forth at each other and even insulting one another. People claim that this argument and her odd behavior supports the possibility that Heather was simply fired, and out of respect to the band decided to never appear again.”

wait, what? the best friends were arguing?

yeah, apparently they were

aw man… that’s no fun

“Though, this theory has been criticized, with many people pointing out how these alleged “arguments” cannot be confirmed as such, and that Heather’s behavior could also be simply pressure from the long and intense touring. Accounts of her argument with Paul Stanley also vary in what happened, and were mostly found in tabloid magazines. This theory is also criticized by members Paul Stanley and Gene Simmons, who have both individually stated that Heather parted ways with them on good terms. Of the argument, Stanley said, quote, “There was yelling and there were insults. But the idea that it has anything to do with why Heather left is not true. The fact is, she didn’t want to be a burden, she couldn’t be in the band anymore, and asked us if she could quit. And while it was sad to see her leave, it’s what she wanted to do, and I would never make her stay when she wanted to leave.” End quote.”

I can see why people would believe this theory

yeah it definitely is a solid theory

also because from what I could gather, KISS seems to have a history of ambiguous departures

ambiguous how?

well you’ve got Peter Criss, Ace Frehley, and Vinnie Vincent, who all left one after the other, and either they were kicked out or they quit. it’s unclear what actually happened.

you mean like one person’s like “they were kicked out” but then another one’s like “they quit”?

yeah it’s like that

I suppose that’s true. my only hang-up here is that she seemed to get along so well with all of them.

yeah, if she got along so well with all of them, it doesn’t make sense for her to suddenly be fired

they probably would’ve been willing to work with her to figure out any problems, instead of just straight-up firing her

“The third theory is that Heather continued to tour with the band, even after she quit. Former roadies of KISS claim that throughout the 80s, up until 1988, there was a woman with long blonde hair travelling around with the band. One of these roadies stated in a KISS Army forum, quote, “She was a woman who looked like she was in her early thirties, with long blonde hair. She would volunteer to help us load in or load out equipment, and some of us would see her hanging out with the band backstage. One time I even saw her watching from backstage. None of us ever learned her name, because she would always answer with, “It’s not important.”” End quote. There are also pictures from the 80s of a blonde woman interacting with the band. Many people think she was simply a groupie, or a girlfriend/wife of one of the members. Others, however, think that perhaps this woman is Heather McMann.”

I don’t believe this theory

why not?

because it just—if I’m a person who was in a band, and then quit for whatever reason, I’m not gonna continue to travel around with them. I’m not homeless. it doesn’t make sense for her to travel around with them.

that is true. it doesn’t make sense that she would do that.

no, it doesn’t.

then again, it also doesn’t make sense that she would disappear halfway through a tour.

(wheeze) well I guess that’s also true

“The fourth theory is ridiculous.”

hahahahahahahah

hahahaha

right out the gate, you say it’s a ridiculous theory, that’s great

well it’s a pretty fucking ridiculous theory. even for the internet, it’s a pretty ridiculous theory.

well keep in mind, people on the internet believe lizard people exist and that Tupac is still alive

well that’s true

“A handful of fans on the Internet have supported the theory that Heather McMann, as well as all the other members of KISS, are superpowered intergalactic beings who came to Earth to form KISS. According to this theory, Heather McMann is really a witch as she claimed to be, and that she left KISS to return to their true home, which explains why she seemed to disappear without a trace. Now, as to my opinion of this theory? No fucking way.”

yeah, no shit.

(wheeze) it’s so stupid. this theory would only be believable in one of their comic books.

KISS had comic books?!

(wheeze) yeah, they did. they’ve got a ton of weird merchandise.

I mean I knew that, everyone knows about the KISS merch, but comic books?! (wheeze) they know their brand.

hahahahahahah

also, did you say she claimed to be a witch?

yeah, their thing is they have these backstories for their personas. hers was that she was a witch from an intergalactic coven.

I mean… that’s kinda cool. but maybe she shouldn’t have said that

(wheeze)

if it’s going to make people on the internet say “she’s an intergalactic being who went back home to her home planet… Jupiter!”

hahahahaha

what is this, Jupiter Ascending? c’mon now

“Although she was only in KISS for a short period of time, Heather McMann’s mysterious and unexpected departure continues to confound members of the KISS Army. Though Heather McMann has been forgotten by the world, save dedicated KISS fans, many questions still remain: who was the woman fans knew as the Black Dahlia? Why did she suddenly leave the band? And why has she never been seen since? For now, and perhaps forever, these questions will remain… UNSOLVED.”

WHAT UNSOLVED MYSTERY DO YOU WANT TO SEE NEXT?

[we cut back to Ryan and Shane in the office set]

“Final verdict,” Ryan asks, “which one do you think it is?”

“I definitely think the first theory is the most plausible. The rest just don’t make sense.”

“Yeah, I think so too. Though I’m still not certain about the third theory…”

“I still love the fact that she and Paul Stanley were such good friends.”

“Yeah, that is really nice.”

“They were bros,”

“Yeah. Well, Heather, if you’re watching this…”

“Ya got us! We’re stumped. We don’t have a clue what happened to you.”

“Also KISS, if you’re watching this, hope we didn’t offend you in any way.”

“Yeah, that too. I think I’ll go listen to some KISS, actually. They’re a good band.”

“They are a good band. I’ll go listen to some KISS with you.”

“They are, after all, the hottest band in the world.”

-KISSTERIA-

“No, Gene, I’m serious, get on YouTube and put in ‘buzzfeed unsolved’. It’s a new episode, it should be at the top. I swear I’m not making this up!... Did you find it? Okay. Watch it, then call me back. Okay. See you later.”

Paul got off the phone and went over to Heather’s couch, where she was sitting and grinning widely at her laptop, which had been set up on the coffee table. On the screen was the most recent episode of Buzzfeed Unsolved, entitled “The Mysterious Disappearance of Heather McMann.”

“Now, as to my opinion of this theory? No fucking way.”

Heather burst out laughing, falling back on her couch. “Did you—Did you hear that?” she guffawed. “That’s so funny…”

“What’s so funny?”

Heather sat up and rewound the video while Paul sat down next to her.

Paul’s eyes went wide. “What?!”

Heather giggled. “I know, right?”

Paul shot to his feet. “I need to call Gene.”

“No.” Heather’s hand shot out and grabbed his sleeve. “You don’t need to call Gene. Sit down, and watch the video.”

“If they legitimately think this theory has enough merit to go into their video, then that means we have a problem,” Paul argued.

Heather snorted. “It really doesn’t, Paul. You all have been claiming you’re intergalactic beings since you formed KISS, and no one, apart from fanfic writers on the Internet, has taken you seriously. Relax. Do you want me to rewind the video so you can watch it?”

Paul was silent for a moment, then sighed and sat back down. “Fine…”

Smiling, Heather paused the video and rewound to the beginning. When Velma had messaged her about the video, she’d admittedly been apprehensive of watching it at first. But as she watched the video, her enjoyment of it only rose.

They would no doubt have a postmortem for this episode, Heather thought to herself. She smiled as she wondered what would happen if she got a YouTube account and left a little comment for the boys to read…

#black dahlia series #buzzfeed unsolved #yeah so I fuckin loved writing this :)#this was a fun exercise and real funny to think about #so yeah this happens #starchild's flipping out because they might be onto them #heather just thinks it's hilarious #also sry I couldn't do the colors #tumblr doesn't have yellow and that's sad #but oh well #hope you enjoyed this silly little thing!#Shandi's KISSteriaverse #kiss au writing #my writing #thanks for reading!

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killian-whump · 6 years

Text

OUAT 2x12: Rewatch Blog

Wow! It’s been awhile since I’ve done one of these, since it took me forever and a day so long to GIF and post all that whump from the last episode! Really, considering Killian had a bookshelf thrown on him, got beaned in the head with an oar and knocked into the hold of his ship, was beaten viciously with a cane, and then got hit by a car... Well, I think it’s understandable.

But now that’s all done and it’s time for us to watch episode 12 of the second season, “In the Name of the Brother”... Wait, what’s this? Hook’s in the hospital this entire episode? *sigh* Okay, everybody! I’ll see you all next year! ;)

Well, pitifully and hopelessly behind or not, it’s time for another liveblog!

Starting RIGHT where we left off... with Hook in pain and Belle being very, very confused. And Hook in more pain. Haha.

I’ve seen some anti-Hook arguments about how gunshot wounds are so traumatic and take so long to recover from... but I just watched Rumple literally make it “all better” in about five seconds, so I have no idea what that argument was all about. Haha, I forgot he did that, so I just kinda nodded along, like, “Fair point...” but it’s actually not a fair point at all :P

“Hey beautiful!” Hey yourself, beautiful <3

“There’s someone in [the car]!” WELL, I SHOULD HOPE SO. Why is everyone so surprised there’s someone in the car? Do cars regularly drive themselves in Storybrooke? Nevermind. Don’t answer that.

Drinking on the job. Really, Whale?

Oh no... Whale flashbacks. I’ll be honest, I’m not really interested in Whale’s story :/

...I am interested in hot, bloody pirates on gurneys though.

I love how Rumple is in color in these flashbacks, but it just makes me wonder why Whale is in color whenever he visits the Enchanted Forest. Like, shouldn’t he be black and white in their realm if Rumple is in color in his?

And are they going to address the fact that he’s in color?!?!

Suddenly, I’m a little interested in the flashbacks now...

Whoooooa, bad idea, Rumple. I mean, I know what you’re going for right here, but in the world of failed TLKs, this one might be the failiest.

I mean, listen to her scream. WOW. Hard fail. HARD fail.

Well, I always like to segue into a Hook scene by focusing on the handcuffs he’s wearing. It’s, you know, an artistic thing. Very... artsy. Yes. Art.

I love how he’s all grunting and groaning and wincing... and then he spots Emma sitting there and he just freezes like “OH NO. DON’T SHOW WEAKNESS.”

“Again? You’re really into this, aren’t you?” Heehee <3 We all are, baby. Get used to it <3

He’s such a smarmy, adorable little bastard right here. “Chills.”

Okay, but because I’m me, I do have an issue with this scene, and it’s about his left wrist. I get that it’s movie magic and it’s not a real blunted limb. It’s just something to cover Colin’s hand. Fair enough, but why is it SQUARE?? Like, there’s kind of a cube-type quality to it?

When you inspect it closely, it just looks... square. Like the sides are flat and there’s four corners to it. It annoys me every time I see it.

That said, I do enjoy this scene as a Hook scene and (of course) as a whump scene, but I don’t really care for it in a CS context. I mean, her telling the nurse to hide him was nice, but kind of necessary... but the rest of her actions show a complete and utter lack of care for what’s happened to him. She tells the ambulance crew to let him wait, and then she resorts to torture tactics whilst interrogating him, which - I mean, don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed every blessed moment of it - is kind of not a glowing character trait in general, let alone a promising sign of impending true love. Although, that said, I would be ALL OVER True Love’s Waterboarding if it were a thing. Just saying.

“Guess another passcode” Dave, you bloomin’ idiot. “Well, you do understand that computer hacking and pickaxe hacking are different?” Hahaha, Leroy <3

One of my favorite Rumple lines right here:

“So glad I don’t give a damn.”

So am I, Rumple. So am I. That’s when you’re the most fun to watch :D

LOL Dave... “Dr. Whale, prep for surgery.” Like, who said there was a surgery? Dave, you’re not a doctor. Dave. Dave, listen. Dave...

And Whale’s just walking out like, “Yes. Prep for surgery. What a fantastic idea. What surgery? When is it happening? Who is assisting? Are there even any other doctors on this staff? WHO KNOWS?! Dave said to prep for surgery!”

“Anyone else notice he’s drunk off his ass?” Hahaha, Dave’s look right here. “Uhh... No, I didn’t notice that, honey, but that DOES explain why he totally took my order to prep for surgery when I’m not remotely qualified to give it.”

SAME, Leroy. Hard same on all accounts.

More flashbacks. “How did you get in here? Who are you?”

WHY ARE YOU IN FUCKING COLOR?!?!?

Wait. Wait. Back the fuck up. “Rumple von Stiltskin”????????

RUMPLE VON STILTSKIN?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

What the fuck did I just hear with my own two ears?!?! When? How? Who?!

“A foreigner.” “What tipped you off, my rosy complexion?” OH, SO WE ARE GOING TO ADDRESS THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM. And then drop it like a hot fucking potato. Mm hmmm.

So typical of Rumple von fucking Stiltskin.

LMAO “Are you a philanthropist?” “Well, I’ve been called worse.”

Okay, but where are you going to spend that totally-not-suspicious pile of FULL COLOR gold coins?!?!

I’m just... gonna pretend none of that ever happened.

RUMPLE VON STILTSKIN. Whatever, man. What-ever.

Why is the chipped cup in a display case, though? Like, his entire shop is just full of things on display that aren’t actually for sale. HOW IS HE STILL IN BUSINESS?!??! And where did the von come from?!?!?!

Creepy shit happening... Cora must be arou- Oh, there she is.

Hahahaha “Had hoped you were dead, but hey - disappointment’s just part of life. I’m sure we can agree on that.” LOL, Rumple. VON STILTSKIN.

I am never going to forget this. Or forgive it. Bury me here.

Oh, Cora, you cheatin’ on your boo Hook with Rumple von Stiltskin? Oh, wait. My bad. Mama makes all the rules, and when the pet boy lands himself in the kennel, well, she’s gotta find some new playthings...

Hahahahahahahaha “I’m joking. as far as you know.”

Oh, no... Ger von Hardt has been shot!!! And Vic von Tor has done a runner out the front door! WHAT WILL WE VON DO NOW?!?!?!

“Maybe Doc can do it?” Leroy’s laughter, OMG, hahahahaha, one of the best Leroy moments right here. HAHAHAHAHAHA... NO.

Leroy’s really shining in this episode. Like, he’s only even here to make me like him even more or something. Dave: “[Whale] had his arm ripped off and put back on.” Leroy: “Cool.”

Okay, Cora, I love you, babe, but this is kinda creepy. I mean, you’re sniffing your daughter’s clothes.

Oh wow. This is, hands down, the snazziest hidden underground lair I have ever, ever, ever seen. Regina, your talent is wasted in evil doing and mayoring. Seriously, girl. Get yourself into interior decorating. This is fucking beautiful.

“I think it’s not alright.” Nah, actually on this show, it’s... kinda sorta alright. We really don’t have that high of standards for “alright”ness to begin with, let’s be honest, and even lower ones for parental “alright” behavior.

“Emma and Henry and the two idiots” :D Dave! I think she’s talking about you. Dave! Dave, are you listening? I don’t think he’s listening. Daaaaave.

“Don’t come near me!” LIGHTNING SPEED. “I told you not to- oh, whatever. No one ever listens to me.”

Hahahaha, oh shit. This is gonna go bad. It’s gonna go so bad.

Yep. It went bad.

I love it when Ruby tells people she ate her boyfriend, by the way. It just never stops being hilarious. “Oh, did I mention I ATE MY BOYFRIEND?!”

'Ohhhhhhhhhhh look what I found under my butt!' 'That wasn’t under your butt, it was in my house.' 'But I’ve never been to your house!' 'You were in my house, Mother.' 'No, no, you just keep your car too messy. What’s this?' 'It’s LITERALLY the KITCHEN SINK from MY HOUSE' 'It was under the seat, dear.'

“I was just... stretching my legs. Now I’m gonna go do this thing.”

YEAH. NO IDEA WHY ANYONE WAS WORRIED, WHALE.

NOOOOOOOOO IDEA.

Aw, poor Gerhardt. Ger von Hardt. Neeeever forget.

OH NO, SHE THREW THE CUP OH NOOOOOOO

Oh, wow. Gee whiz, they’re so lucky he didn’t see anything! Wow. That’s so convenient! And so great that Emma knows when people are lying...

Emma’s so done in this scene and I love it, haha.

'We have a long history together so... Yeah, long story short, I’m going to kill EVERYONE HERE if anything happens to Belle.'

“You’re not going to believe what I saw.” Actually, I’m pretty sure she’ll totally believe what you saw, considering you both know magic is real and you came looking for the town and magic wielders in it. Just saying.

ANYWAY... That’s a wrap!

PEW PEW PEW VON PEW!!!!

#ouat rewatch #watching fairytales #2x12 #ouat criticism #oc #kw reviews #rumple von stiltskin #never forget

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handle-with-utmost-care · 6 years

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Cheerleader/Soccer player PART 5

Ok so I wrote this series years ago (i think like 4 yrs lmao) and I had a very uncharacteristic urge to finish several stuff I have lingering about..

and this was one of them…IDK If anyone is still interested in reading? Lol or even remember? Or maybe you’re new here bc of riptide but lmao surprise I wrote this cringe drabble that turned into a 5 part fic :)

I am like...70% embarrassed by this fic bc i hate mostly every previous part. it was hard to continue bc I had to get over my crippling distaste for sudden POV changes. maybe someday when I’m not too caught up in my own procrastination I’ll go back and rewrite and flesh out this mess and post it on AO3, but for now this’ll have to do.

to the person constantly harassing me to finish it YOU KNOW WHAT ANNIE I FUCKING IFNALLY DID IT OKAY. MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS HAPPY NEW YEAR YOU ASS! @cherylsbosom

also apologies for any typos

PART 5

“Alright, status report girls.”

“I thought we were dropping the fancy lingo?”

“Yeah it’s kinda confusing to keep up with.”

“Status report,” Ally Brooke repeats, sharply eyeing the girls on her bed.

She had invited Dinah and Normani after school to continue discussing a potential plan B.

But from the looks of it, Ally’s got the distinct impression that that’s the last thing on their minds. If their giggling over Dinah’s phone was any obvious indication.

Ally clears her throat pointedly. When that has no effect, Ally stomps her foot. “Girls!”

Dinah drops her phone and Normani’s laughter immediately tapers off.

“We have to focus here. Lives are at stake,” Ally says, as she flips open to the newest empty page in her notepad.

Normani gives her a look of disbelief. Ally almost flushes at the expression, because, okay, maybe she is still getting a bit carried away with this Operation Camren thing.

But she had convinced herself that Camila and Lauren were both too stubborn to realize the obvious. This was all for the sake of love.

And Ally was a firm believer in doing things for the sake of love.

Her eyes glance down at the notepad in time to realize she had already spelled out the mortifying title. She hastily scribbles it out before the girls can see. Normani’s expression turns into an annoyed eye roll.

Fortunately she doesn’t comment, much to the Ally’s relief.

“Mila’s not doing so well,” Dinah says, finally returning her complete attention on the topic at hand. “She’s been ditching soccer practice lately and she never wants to leave her room whenever I try to invite her to go out.”

Ally figured as much. It’s been almost a month since that awful incident at the party, an incident that Camila has been very close lipped about.

Ally had lost count of the number of times she tried to get the girl to open up. Inevitably, each time had always ended in a very indignant frown and an annoyed: “Just drop it Ally, everything is fine, okay?”

Ally wouldn’t press after that. But it was clear that everything most definitely was not okay.

“Lauren is bitchier than usual and I don’t think it has anything to do with the freshman cheerleaders fucking up the pyramid formation,” Normani admits after a while.

Ally sighs at this. She’d been aware of the head cheerleader’s mood swings, witnessing a firsthand account of it yesterday when Lauren completely chewed out a freshman for missing a step in the routine. An honest mistake that really didn’t deserve such a harsh scolding.

Ally had tried to calm Lauren down at the time, but she was having none of it. Instead, Lauren had chosen to stomp off and cut practice short.

Normally, this wouldn’t exactly worry Ally. It wasn’t anything new for Lauren to throw tantrums when things weren’t going her way. But for the tantrums to be so closely followed by a complete emotional 180 was something to be concerned about. And recently Ally had caught Lauren in a state of severe melancholy.

It was a draining experience hanging out with the girls only to have Lauren bringing the atmosphere down with the frequent amount of times she would frown sadly. Or respond sadly. Or even just breathe sadly. Ally had lost count of the sudden urges to shake Lauren and demand what was wrong.

But then, Ally would catch Lauren staring at Camila.

And she had decided that perhaps leaving them alone really was the best option.

Ally plops down at the edge of the bed, defeated.

“And I really thought this was all going to work out.”

“Maybe it just wasn’t meant to be,” Normani offers, as she inspects her nails. “Even though their horoscopes say they’re totally compatible.”

Ally doesn’t question how Normani even knows Camila’s birthday.

Another month passes. Another month of the same strained atmosphere. Ally is sure the rest of the cheerleaders have picked up on their leader’s flip flopped mood swings. The girls on the squad learned to leave a wide span between themselves and Lauren.

The soccer team wasn’t faring much better. Ally had noticed Camila’s performance out on the field had suffered drastically to the point that she’d been sitting out on the bench more often than not.

It was a dreary month for all of them, despite the rapidly approaching homecoming game. Something that she, Lauren, and Normani had excitedly talked about at the beginning of the school year was a topic that had been seemingly forgotten.

Yet the school didn’t share the same sentiment. Everywhere, people were buzzing with pregame excitement weeks before. Hallways were adorned with bright posters and decorations. The school’s PA always made sure to add a final comment reminding students to buy their tickets. Many conversations between classes were heard predicting the outcome of the game.

Today isn’t any different, Ally thinks as she pushes past a group of guys on the football team hyping the other up. She rolls her eyes. The action makes her stop before the cafeteria. She wasn’t like this. Usually she’d join in on the hype. Relish in it.

This whole Lauren and Camila is seriously putting a damper in my mental well being too.

She sighs, pushing through the double doors leading to the cafeteria, feeling a wave of despair at the thought.

The cafeteria is loud and rowdy. More than usual, Ally notices. Her eyes flit over to the source of the noise to find a growing throng of students near the far end of the room.

The shouts and jeers echo across the cafeteria walls, mixing into a cacophonous mess. Ally can’t exactly discern what is being said or cheered. But from the school spirit that’s been thrust in her face recently she thinks she has a pretty good guess.

For a moment, Ally panics that this was a planned lunch event she forgot about, or in one of Lauren’s irrational moods, she’d decided to have an impromptu pep rally to punish the squad.

Ally quickly rifles through her bag, pulling out her weekly planner. After flipping to the latest date, relief spreads through her chest.

No. No scheduled event.

More students gravitate towards the crowd. Ally pushes through several people, in the opposite direction, until she finds Normani.

“What’s going on?” Ally questions, sidling up beside the girl. Normani simply shakes her head.

“I don’t know.”

Ally opens her mouth but Normani quickly cuts in.

“And no, I don’t want to know.”

Ally pouts at her indifference.

The both of them make their way to their usual table. And when Lauren joins them a few moments later, she makes no indication that she’s noticed the unusual overly eager students.

Well that rules out an impromptu pep rally.

Lauren takes a seat. Ally immediately feels a wave of sympathy upon seeing her friend. She takes in Lauren’s miserable frown, the distressed knit of her eyebrows and downcast eyes.

This was probably worse than the random angry outbursts the past month. Seeing Lauren so dejected always managed to pull at her heartstrings.

“Hey girl,” Ally greets, moving to take the seat across from her. Lauren barely lifts up her gaze as she tosses her food with the fork in her other hand.

“Hey,” she answers, casting her eyes down upon the untouched food again.

“You want some of my fruit salad?” Normani probes.” My mom put in some mangos, I know you like them.”

Lauren doesn’t even flinch at the uncharacteristically nice gesture.

“Maybe later.”

Ally and Normani exchange a look. This behavior had seemed to be going further and further into a downward spiral as the weeks progressed. Ally was almost tempted to go through with her intervention.

Look how your meddling turned out.

Maybe Normani was right. Maybe it would be just best to leave them alone.

Ally sighs, before pulling out her own lunch.

The crowd continues to go on strong. The jeers and sneers reverberate throughout the lunchroom even more so than before.

Ally begins to notice that the majority of students are starting to swarm the crowd. Her eyes glance around the people trying to determine the situation. That’s when she realizes something that makes her stomach drop.

“I think that’s the soccer team’s table,” Ally says. The tone of her voice grabs both girls’ attention. She watches as Lauren’s eyes dart towards the crowd and the similar conclusion comes to her. Her expression instantly sparks to life.

Lauren is out of her seat before Ally has time to register anything. She doesn’t even have time to tell her to wait because in the next second Lauren is shoving people out of the way and disappearing among the mass of students.

“Come on,” Ally blurts out, tugging Normani up from her seat to chase after her.

Their process is a lot less effortless than Lauren who had people parting like the red sea after her aggressive pushes.

It’s probably because of the hastily muttered excuse me’s that fall from Ally’s lips. Eventually Normani becomes so frustrated that she just hollers a very loud MOVE.

The students finally part, allowing them to push through until they reach the table…. only to realize that they’re too late.

Ally feels her blood turn cold when she sees her friends.

Slowly, her senses come into focus. And she realizes, dizzily, that cheering she heard earlier were actually people chanting FIGHT.

Dinah and one of the freshmen on the cheer squad are in an intense hair pulling scuffle, while Lauren is on the floor trying to aim a punch on another beneath her, who Ally suddenly recognizes as the girl Lauren chewed out at practice what felt like forever ago.

Ally lunges forward trying to pull Lauren up from the girl, as Normani attempts to pry apart the two other girls beside them.

She manages to get Lauren to her feet, not without a ridiculous amount of struggle. Because then Lauren keeps attempting to hit the girl on the floor. The victim of Lauren’s assault isn’t making things any easier for her either, as she continuously claws at them until Ally gets caught in the fray.

Ally feels her hair being yanked in an awkward angle painfully.

God, if she wasn’t a pacifist she swears she would –

“Stop! Stop! Stop this immediately what on earth are all of you – girls STOP IT!”

The sound of the principal makes them all spring apart from each other.

The six girls are huffing and red faced, attempting to catch their breaths.

Ally’s hand instantly comes to gingerly rub her sore scalp, before scowling at the culprit for the hair pulling. The freshman’s eye is already swelling, and Ally tries to quell the silly surge of pride towards Lauren for getting her good.

She glances at Lauren, sighing in relief that her friend looks unscathed for the most part. Her eyes then come to Dinah and Normani. Dinah is pouting as she tries to fix her mussed hair and Normani is pressing her fingers to her bottom lip in search of blood.

Ally sighs again, and that’s when she remembers the last girl. She searches in a frenzy for Camila, praying she wasn’t a part of this. But then she sees the soccer player, gaping wordlessly at them …completely covered in food.

The principal turns his attention towards them all.

“You seven. My office. Now.”

A month’s worth of scraping gum off the cafeteria tables seems a lot better than a potential suspension. Ally will take what she can get, she decides as they all disperse from the principal’s office.

The two offending freshmen pull Lauren aside to beg for forgiveness. Though from Lauren’s stony expression, Ally figures Lauren is already planning to kick them off the team. But then is momentarily shocked when Lauren accepts their apology stiffly, followed by a malicious threat to stay in line.

(Later on, Ally would find out the girls’ had decided to go after Camila in a misguided attempt lighten up their captain’s somber mood).

“Did you see that girl’s eye? You got her so good, Laurenzo. I’m kind of proud,” Dinah compliments, after the two girls slink away. Lauren’s lips tilt into a small smile.

“Yeah but you practically pulled out her entire weave. That’s impressive,” Lauren responds, a smile finally breaking out.

Not that Ally condones fighting, because, like, she so doesn’t, but it’s nice seeing them get along. Albeit for the wrong reasons. But there’s something so amazing seeing Dinah nudging Lauren in that friendly manner. As if they’d known each other their entire lives.

“You both are ridiculous,” Normani snaps. “I literally just got my nails done yesterday and this happened.” She lifts her hand up to show off a broken middle fingernail. They both laugh and after a while Normani cracks a grin. “But okay, yeah it was kind of bad ass.”

“Kind of? Did you see the other girls?” Dinah demands.

“I don’t really understand how you’re all so happy. We got a month’s detention because you guys can’t communicate like normal people.” Camila’s voice pierces through the lighthearted atmosphere. Ally almost forgets her presence because she had been so silent during their walk through the hallway.

She watches as Camila pulls out a spaghetti noodle from her hair and flicks it to the floor.

“We were defending you,” Lauren mumbles after a while.

“I didn’t ask you to,” Camila snaps. “I was handling it.”

“Clearly,” Lauren mumbles sarcastically.

“You know what?” Camila whirls around. “I don’t need your sarcasm. And I don’t need your stupid sympathy, okay? Today wouldn’t have even happened if you weren’t such a bitch.”

Lauren visibly recoils.

“Mila,” Ally begins but the soccer player shoots her a glare.

“No, don’t do that-“

“It wasn’t my fault,” Lauren begins hotly.

“Like you didn’t plan to have them dump the entire squad’s lunch on me. I have spaghetti noodles in places there shouldn’t be!” Camila snaps.

“Mila, she didn’t know that those girls were going to do that to you. You really think she would send those cheerleaders after you?” Dinah questions.

“It wouldn’t be the first time.”

It’s the statement that does it. That plunges the atmosphere completely into a subzero level. That makes Lauren look completely heartbroken. That actually breaks Ally’s heart.

It’s another week of radio silence between the two. Another week of Ally and Normani (and now on occasion Dinah), watching Lauren sigh dejectedly into her food during lunch. Sometimes she’d cast a few sad looks over to the soccer team’s table. And the girls would look upon her sympathetically.

Lauren didn’t know which was worse.

The pity or being ignored. While one was infuriating as hell, the other just…hurt.

This morning in particular was brutal. She had run into Camila in the hallway, accidentally knocking her duffel bag from her shoulder. When she tried to reach down to grab it, Camila scrambled to pick it up herself and hurried away head bowed. The exchange – or lack of one – left Lauren feeling like she was a ghost.

“Would you just talk to her?” Normani groans exasperatedly after Lauren recounts the events to the three of them in Ally’s room after school.

“She practically hates my guts.” Lauren mutters into her pillow.

“Look, as much as I love kicking you especially when you’re down I don’t think I can take any more of your moping. It’s actually starting to depress me,” Normani sighs, sitting down beside Lauren on the bed. “And I doubt she hates you.”

“Yeah, it’s impossible for Mila to hate anything,” Dinah chimes in from her spot on the floor.

“Except me.”

“She’s just really upset right now, Lauren,” Ally supplies. “And rightfully so. You really did a number on her. What the heck did you even say to her at the party?”

At this, Lauren feels her face redden with shame.

She had toyed with the idea of telling them, but she feared that they would hate her more than she hated herself. And she wasn’t ready for any more negativity.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Lauren mumbles. “It was…it was really bad. And I feel really shitty for it too.”

“Then tell her that,” Normani snaps.

That’s easier said than being done, Lauren thinks. She makes a small grunt that earns an eye roll from her friend.

Ally comes to sit next to her and places a comforting hand on her shoulder.

“Lauren, we’ve all seen the way you look at her.”

Lauren freezes at this. It’s the first time they all sort of acknowledge the big pink elephant of the room that is her more than platonic feelings for the soccer player. And she almost expects mockery or insults. But when she glances up to find them all staring at her supportively, she feels a deep seated worry slowly dissipate.

“And we’re all more than positive she feels the same way,” Ally continues, saying just the right thing to settle her confused doubt.

“Really?”

“Girl, of course she does,” Dinah adds in. “She looks at you like you put the pineapples on her pizza.”

“That’s disgusting, Dinah,” Normani retorts with a fake gag.

“Well where else are you supposed to put pineapples?”

“Um, not on a pizza.”

“It’s called Hawaiian pizza.”

“All that should be on my pizza is pepperoni and cheese,” Normani argues stubbornly.

“How can you not like pineapples on pizza? Who doesn’t like pineapples on pizza?” Dinah demands turning to look at them incredulously.

“I like Canadian bacon,” Ally says unhelpfully.

Lauren tunes the rest of the conversation after the two decide to settle the matter by ordering pizza. Her thoughts stray to the soccer player. And a pang of guilt hits her.

When the pizza arrives twenty minutes later, Normani demands (through a mouth full of Hawaiian pizza) that Lauren take her self-pitying ass next door and grovel for forgiveness.

Dinah agrees, and Ally rephrases that advice in a more encouraging manner. The thumbs up did little for her self esteem as they all but threw her out of Ally’s room and confiscated her phone lest she try to uber it back home.

And that’s really how she finds herself on Camila Cabello’s doorstep, desperately trying to think of ways to get out of knocking.

It’s stupid. This is dumb. There’s no way – absolutely no way Camila would even want to see her. The past week, the soccer player has been pointedly avoiding her.

No, that was an understatement. Lauren was getting the cold shoulder. That blatant icy treatment that left her feeling even worse than before the stupid cafeteria incident.

The last thing Camila had said to her was still plaguing her mind. Camila had insulted her, offended every nerve that could possibly be offended and yet Lauren knew she deserved it. Dinah may have been right – it wasn’t possible for Camila to hate anyone. But reducing Camila to the type of person who could be so incredibly harsh to another person just made the situation all the more worse.

Camila hated her. It wasn’t even something to debate.

Lauren hesitates ringing the doorbell. Her fingertips ghost across the button, brushing the smooth surface uncertainly.

A hundred and one things filter through her head and they all revolve around the girl somewhere behind the door.

She doesn’t get a chance to summon up much courage because in the next second the door is flying open and the Camila Cabello is standing before her.

She doesn’t look as surprised as Lauren feels, which is more than a little disheartening, but she tries not to let it faze her. Instead, she straightens up, almost to the point of rigidity.

Relax Lauren. Jesus. Okay. Here we go-

“What are you doing here?” Camila asks just as Lauren begins to form the apology that was burning to in the back of her throat ever since she Camila ran out of her bedroom crying.

Lauren hesitates, suddenly feeling the little flicker of confidence she fabricated fade away. Camila looks all around unimpressed with her display and this only serves to turn her nerves into jelly. Abort, Lauren. Abort.

NO. You will fucking stay and say your peace or so help me god you dumb shit.

“I asked you a question,” Camila snaps. It seems strange, so completely out of character seeing her so angry. There’s a venom that wasn’t there before in her voice, in her sharp expression that leaves Lauren wishing she had come better prepared for this.

A stab of guilt pricks at her chest as she realizes the only person who made this happen was herself.

Lauren swallows thickly, fiddling with the bracelet on her wrist. The attempt to occupy herself with something besides Camila’s steely gaze is pitiful. But then again, she is a coward. She’s not even sure she can look the girl in the eye anymore.

“Look, if you’re not gonna say anything you might as well just –“

“-I’m sorry!” Lauren blurts out. The desperation of the outcry overwhelms her. She’s not going anywhere until she makes Camila listen – to everything. Because she knows deep down this is her only chance. Her only shot at fixing anything that she’s so despicably good at fucking up.

Camila’s glare softens slightly. It’s very miniscule but it gives Lauren the hope she needs.

“I’m sorry, Camila,” she says again, internally quivering at the name that rolls so effortlessly off her tongue. It comes out so naturally, almost as if it had always sort of had its own place in her voice. As if she was supposed to say it over and over again. Which, admittedly she would do…in the privacy of her room…in the dead of night…where literally no one would be able to hear.

(Of course she would deny ever doing that if anyone asked her).

But it’s the first time she’s ever called Camila by her name. Well the first time non insultingly. And it’s something that doesn’t go unnoticed by the both of them. Lauren feels her face flush suddenly, and Camila’s eyebrows rise.

“Camila,” she pauses, feeling the nervous little buzz building in her stomach at the name. “I didn’t – look, about what happened at the party – I didn’t mean it.”

Camila’s eyes narrow and the walls are back up again.

“It sure didn’t sound like it. Just because you defended me last week, which I didn’t even freaking ask you to do by the way, doesn’t mean I’m going to be welcoming you into my life with open arms,” Camila says. “You humiliated me.”

“I know.”

“No. I don’t think you do, Lauren. It hurt. Like a lot, okay?” Camila blurts out. “I’m not even sure I can forgive you.”

Lauren feels that little glimmer of hope crash dive. This isn’t going as planned. Oh what did she know? There weren’t any plans or any go-to instructions for this kind of situation. How were you even supposed to convince the girl that you’ve been stupidly in love with for four years that you want her?

She flushes at the thought and the familiar wave of denial bubbles up in the pit of her stomach. She can barely even admit that fact inside her own head. How could she possibly even begin to explain it to Camila?

The girl practically thinks she hates her, which she doesn’t. Oh god, she doesn’t even hate her at all.

“I don’t expect you to forgive me, Camila,” Lauren begins, feeling her voice tremble. “I really don’t. I just – I just wanted to explain.”

Camila stares at her expectantly.

“I didn’t know what people were going to think if they found out,” Lauren mutters and Camila rolls her eyes.

“That’s not enough.”

“I was scared.”

“That’s still not enough.”

“Camila, please.”

She sees the girl’s expression soften again, the aggression slowly crumbling away. It gives her the courage she needs, the motivation to bring down her own stupid barrier preventing her from being vulnerable.

And this time, when Camila speaks her anger has soundly melted. “Don’t be scared.”

It’s just a small request, not even louder than a whisper but Lauren can hear it. The conviction behind the three words. The ounce of moral support beneath them. The figurative hesitant arms being slowly opened for her to walk into and it’s enough.

Lauren takes a deep breath, her heart pounding. She swallows thickly and tries to calm the rapid beating.

“I really didn’t mean what I said to you at the party,” she begins

Lauren almost anticipates Camila to make another sarcastic comment, but she simply stares at her so she continues.

“I didn’t mean it when I told you that there wasn’t anything that would happen between us. I didn’t believe it in the slightest because…I wanted something to happen,” she admits in a rush. “And all that stuff about you being no one was just about the shittiest thing I’ve ever said and I feel terrible. It’s not true at all, Camila. Not even a little bit. I was just – I wanted to hurt you because I was the one feeling like the loser. I’m a shitty person know I am.”

“You’re not a shitty person Lauren,” Camila sighs wearily. The admittance makes her hesitate. Makes her stop and stare at Camila keenly, feeling her chest ache suddenly.

Even in her anger, Camila will still defend her. Lauren isn’t even sure if this should please or upset her.

“I am though. And it’s not even about the night of the party. I know I’ve put you through hell for like years. I’ve just been such an idiot about all of this because I was just so fucking scared of what it all meant.” She stops and runs a nervous hand through her hair. “Because I’ve never felt this way, like ever about anyone and I knew, deep down that you had the power to hurt me in the worst way. And I just, like I just refused to give you that power so I thought that if I hurt you first…” Lauren trails off, shaking her head. The shame that’s kept her up all night for weeks manages to creep back up.

She averts her gaze, feeling the all too familiar burning stinging building. The last thing she wanted to do was cry in front of Camila.

“It’s stupid I know,” Lauren mumbles. “It makes no sense – that logic. I’m an idiot and I don’t want to be that person anymore. I don’t want to be that person who gets scared over every fucking little thing, or the person who cares more about her popularity than the things that really matter. I just don’t care about that stuff anymore. Camila, I don’t care. I don’t even – I can’t even properly articulate how fucking sorry I am. For everything. For making your feelings seem like they don’t matter because they do, Camila. They matter so much to me. And…I’m done belittling my own feelings as well because…because they matter too.”

She feels Camila’s eyes burning into the side of her face, almost as if prompting her to turn and face her. But she’s afraid of what she’ll see. Disgust? Anger?

She doesn’t expect the softness. She doesn’t expect the understanding. She doesn’t expect the feel of her fingertips brushing against her. In comfort. Acceptance.

Camila’s warm hands come to grip hers, undoing her tight fist. She feels a palm press into hers and it feels so incredibly intimate that Lauren is almost tempted to pull away. The sudden fear springs up again. The fear of being hurt.

But when she looks up at Camila’s face again, the fear melts.

“What do you feel?” Camila asks gently.

She poses the question that went unanswered in that stuffy room during the party. She’s opening the door of vulnerable opportunity. She’s allowing Lauren a second chance. One that she knows she doesn’t deserve.

A gentle squeeze of their hands prompts Lauren to speak again.

“I feel…” Lauren’s voice dies, as a lump forms in her throat. It’s stupid to get this emotional, she thinks. But god it’s been such a long time since she’s felt anything remotely similar to this. “I feel a lot,” she finishes lamely.

Camila tilts her head. For a second, Lauren feels that she’s going to laugh at her dumb attempt at opening up. But Camila is patient, something that Lauren is beginning to feel grateful for. She’s nothing like Lauren.

“I think you should know, that I…” Lauren trails off uncertainly. She stammers on the spot for a moment. It takes another gentle squeeze for Lauren to calm her nerves. “I think you're the most irritatingly adorable person I've met. I get butterflies every time I'm even in the same room as you, or even when you just look at me because you make me so nervous. And you make me doubt everything and it pisses me off but at the same time I love it because it’s you.” She pauses, releasing a shaky breath. "You’re just – like – I don’t even think you realize how extraordinary you are Camila.”

Lauren averts her eyes. Blearily glowering down at her shoes. Shifting weight between each foot. But Camila’s hand is still in hers. Intertwined. Giving Lauren just enough courage to continue.

“And I know it’s stupid because I’ve been such a bitch to you all of these years. I know it probably doesn’t mean much to you, saying all of this now. I just,” Lauren pauses, searching for the proper words. Her pounding heart isn’t exactly making it any easier. Camila staring at her so intensely isn’t making it any easier either. “I just wanted your attention. And I didn't care if it was negative attention.”

Lauren lets out a shuddering breath. The hand in hers loosens, and Lauren quickly tightens it, keeping their fingers firmly interlocked.

“I wanted your eyes on me. I wanted you to know me. That’s what I’ve always ever wanted, Camila."

The homecoming game falls on a chilly Friday night in October. The winds send a biting chill as the sun falls into its daily descent. The bright lights of the stadium highlights the puffs of breaths exhaled from excited students as they find their seats on the bleachers.

The football teams congregate on either side of the field, huddling for their plays. The cheerleaders form a tight group on the track, coming closer for warmth behind their short, pleated skirts, awaiting their captain’s presence.

The frosty air extends past the field, curling and slithering beneath the cracks of the school’s double doors, spreading through the empty hallways. Even faintly permeating within the small confines of the girl’s locker room. Where the conveniently absent head cheerleader has dragged a more than willing soccer player away from the loud crowded football field.

Lauren presses Camila up against the locker. She feels Camila squirm beneath her weight and she gets a thrill out of it. Her lips brush against Camila’s forehead, her cheeks, her nose, her chin, finally resting upon her mouth. Lauren moves them slow and sensually, closing and parting her lips in a delicious rhythm she has become quite familiar with.

Lauren parts her lips again, taking in the Camila’s bottom lip. Her teeth close around them, almost playfully. It would be playful if Lauren’s hands aren’t currently trying to cop a feel beneath the girl’s shirt.

Camila pulls away breathlessly. Her pants beat enticingly against Lauren’s lips, tempting her to close the gap again. But Camila is resilient, even angling her body away slightly.

“Did the girls give you a hard time?” Camila asks, her hands loosening their tight grip in her hair.

“No, it’s not halftime yet.”

Camila nods and leans back against the locker again.

“Do you think they suspect anything?”

“Please. The girls are still betting on Ally’s dumb Operation Camren plan,” Lauren scoffs. Camila laughs. Lauren feels Camila’s fingers play with the ends of her hair, twirling a few strands.

The uneven pace from the kissing has melted, warming Lauren up inside, as if she had her own personal Camila sweater. The thought almost makes her cringe. When did she turn into such a sap?

“You know, without Ally’s dumb plan this probably wouldn’t have happened,” Camila murmurs.

Lauren wants to disagree. She wants to protest and go through her detailed argument of how very much it would have happened anyway. How they were inevitable from the very beginning. It was only a matter of time because they were made for each other.

But it’s stupid and makes her sound like a weenie, even in her head.

Lauren is a lot of things. But she is most definitely not a weenie.

“Should we thank her?”

“Hmm, probably not,” Camila says, glancing down at Lauren’s lips. “I think she’ll be disappointed that she couldn’t plan our first date.”

There’s always the wedding.

For a horrifying second, Lauren almost says that out loud. It takes her a moment to recover from her almost blunder. She secretly thanks the big man upstairs for gracing her with the ability to keep her mouth shut.

(She makes a mental note to go with Ally to church more often).

“I’m sure she’ll be fine,” Lauren finally responds, eyes roaming across Camila’s face. Her flushed expression. Her red, bruised lips, tousled hand blown out eyes. Lauren feels a quiver of happiness and something not quite as innocent fluttering below her waist. Her nails dance around her skin lightly. Camila shivers beneath her touch.

“Are you cold?” Lauren asks in a soft voice.

Camila glances up at her from beneath her eyelashes and Lauren swears she feels her heart stop.

“A little,” Camila murmurs. Lauren doesn’t hesitate in shrugging off her lettermen and draping it over Camila’s shoulders. “Wait, no I was kidding kind of. You can’t give me this you’re gonna get cold and plus everyone is going to see-“

“I’m not gonna need it during the routine,” Lauren reassures in that same soft tone. “And you’re my girlfriend now. Let everyone see.”

Oh god, did that really come out of my mouth? That stupid cheesey dumb good for nothing line that’ll probably make Camz totally cringe. that’s it I’m becoming a Satanist –

But then she looks at Camila and she’s is staring right back at her with an expression Lauren can’t quite put her finger on. But it easily becomes one of her favorites.

She doesn’t get a chance to speak because Camila is pulling her face down for another long, deep kiss. Their lips move at a heated pace. Lauren can feel the message conveyed in the very contours of Camila’s mouth.

I love you.

It’s not time yet. It’s too soon.

But eventually.

Ally bundles up in her letterman, standing next to Normani on the track field. The noise of chatter from the onlookers on the bleachers is a comforting sound, setting in her cold body pleasantly. Her eyes glance towards the football field, watching her boyfriend Troy in his gear, stretching by the bench, before running out into the field to replace another player. It’s the last game of the season and the excitement is tangible.

“Any sign of Lauren? The quarter is about to end. We already be preparing for the routine,” Normani complains.

As if on cue, the head cheerleader runs on to the field hurriedly, looking much too flushed for this cold weather.

“Hey,” Lauren greets, unevenly, making Ally and Normani exchange a furtive look. Lauren catches this. “What?”

“You’re all red,” Ally supplies, rather sheepishly because thinking of Lauren doing whatever she was doing (or who she was doing, rather), isn’t something she wants to picture.

“And you’re …flustered.” Normani smirks.

“Where’s your jacket?” Ally adds.

Finally Lauren snaps. “What is with the third degree? Jesus, I’m here aren’t I? You know what just get into formation.”

Both Ally and Normani resist the urge to laugh at the blushing girl.

Ally doesn’t have the heart to tease her further. Instead, she follows Lauren’s lead, falling into place with the rest of the cheerleaders.

However, as the routine progresses, Ally can’t help but notice something –someone – emerging from the very same double doors their head cheerleader had burst from just moments ago. Out comes a very flustered, but very happy soccer player, wearing a very familiar letterman jacket. And if Ally hadn’t noticed Lauren’s obvious shivering, the fact that Jauregui was engraved across the back in gold letters was telling enough.

Ally watches as Camila practically skips up towards the bleachers to sit beside Dinah, looking absurdly pleased with herself. The sight brings a silly grin to Ally’s face.

She glances over to Lauren who is too busy staring down at her shoes. But Ally notices the distinct pink tinge to her cheeks.

Her attention shifts to Normani and sees that she, too, notices Camila’s sudden wardrobe change. Normani smirks. But both remained tightlipped.

Once halftime is over, Ally watches as Lauren scurries back through the double doors leading to the locker rooms. She doesn’t even wait to have a quick debriefing of their routine, which Ally finds almost irresponsible. Well, she’ll talk to her about that later. It’s not like she doesn’t know what’s got Lauren all flouncy. Or who.

As if to further demonstrate this, Dinah approaches Ally and Normani down from the bleachers with a smug expression on her face.

“I see Laurenzo isn’t with you.”

Normani glances over Dinah’s shoulder.

“Neither is Camila,” Normani states, a matching smirk growing on her face.

They all sort of giggle at their observation.

Camila and Lauren were not discreet at all. Whatever secret they think they had was about as subtle as a neon sign. A blinking one. With dancing interchangeable lights. And fireworks lighting up in the background.

If all of the times Ally’s caught Lauren waiting by Camila’s locker weren’t an obvious indication. It’s probably the hickeys she’s absently seen as Lauren tries to hastily change into her uniform for practice. Or the nights she’s caught Lauren wearing what looked like one of Camila’s jerseys during sleepovers. Or the flowers Camila swears were from her father the days leading up to the game, (even though Ally distinctly remembers her father never buying flowers because of his allergies).

Not that she confronted them about it. At least not directly.

A little teasing maybe. Something that both of her snickering friends could agree with and had wholeheartedly participated in.

But no. No. She’s definitely learned her lesson about meddling…at least until that potential future wedding she’s begun making plans for comes into play.

Which, in that case, Operation Camren 2.0 is definitely a go.

A/N: happy 2018 !

#hwuc fics #wow i can't believe this happened #i still blame you #annie #camren

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eternaltchotchke · 7 years

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Aight and here's all the shit I got plus all the badges I could find for the years I've been to Sabo.

I'll put a read more about like. Everything because I admittedly wanna talk about it, like Sabo as a whole because like I said in my last post, I think that's gonna be the last Saboten I'm going to...at least unless I do a booth. But that's besides the point. So yeah read more if you wanna read all my nostalgia shit. Stop here if you're good, lol. I’m warning you, it’s fucking long AF.

2009: My second ever convention. I actually got to go because a friend of mine got tickets for her birthday and she invited me to go with her. I was, like, the kind of person I think her parents wanted her to be like? ‘Cause at the time I was a nerd, but I was introverted and I think they were under the impression that I was a good christian straight girl(™) and well. Lol, neither of us were. This was way before I ever tried doing cosplay, and well, technically I did a really shitty Misty at PCC that same year, but like. OMG. It was terrible. I think this was the year I did a ‘lolita?’ outfit? But really it was just me trying to be edgy. It was kind of cute, but man, I would never wear it today.

2010: So this was senior year of high school and the con was actually at the Hilton just down the street from my school. It was my third convention and I got tickets for my friend and I invited my cousin, but he got food poisoning on one of the days he was going to go, so I ended up soloing it for the rest of the weekend. I went as Miki from Shugo Chara and...it was...bad, lol. I tried making the hat, and well, it was a craftfoam hat and everything else I just kind of found around the house. I don’t remember much else from this con to be honest, just that...I went as Miki for at least one day.

2011: This was the year that I got a lot more into Hetalia. I had just graduated from high school and was still kind of...figuring myself out. I dragged an, at the time, friend there with me to a Hetalia cafe and that was fun. I think that was the first time I’d had a con squish? Crush??? The America was mega cool and ooh, I know that was also the year I went to the Eyeshine concert! I was really into Johnny Yong Bosch’s voice ‘cause I was watching Code Geass and Bleach at the time, and well. I like voice actors a whole bunch? And the concert was really cool and I still have the video I saved from it...and yeah. Good times. Actually, p great times, heh.

2012: This was the year I finally went with con friends! God, it was such a good time because for once I had people to hang out with the whole weekend. I’d met a good majority of them at the last PCC and one of the main people I remember is Maddi who’s still one of my best of best friends. There’s also Sabby and again, one of the best friends a person can ever have. We weren’t close at the time, but I do have a pic with her in it? So. She was there. And I think one of the people in it is Hanna who is an awesome person and I love her so much. She’s great like, the coolest person and dang it all, I love my friends?

And then there are a lot of people that I hung out with at the time that...admittedly, I want to forget. One of them, I hate so very very much. Because they were a toxic person and terrible to my best friends and fuck, I wish I had actually stood up for my friends when I was younger and called out some of the shit they pulled because I should have. But. Well. Hindsight...and then the other? Well, I don’t hate but...I guess thinking back on things? It’s awkward and I was awkward and man, that was a...time. I see ‘em sometimes and it’s like, sweet bajeebus you haven’t changed at all.

There was a lot of shit that happened on the last day and like, one of it was there was a panel that didn’t go well and then the other was someone was kinda mega rude to a friend? And while yeah I understand their stance on things, they said things in a rude way that just...could’ve been said a lot better or at least in a kinder way.

But as a sidenote, that was the year I got Laboon! And I still have him, and I still love him. He’s a good whale.

2013: ...this was...the year of kind of an end to some things. But, the beginning of some really REALLY great things. This was the year I became really good friends with Jed, who is like, one of the best of best friends a person could have. He’s such a cool dude, and nerd, but also cool and I might not say it often enough but I’m really lucky to have become his friend. I gotta say that for all my friends, especially Sabby, Maddi, and Jed. I love y’all so much and really, I can’t imagine what my life would be like without y’all?

Anyway, this was the most stressful con I had ever been to. Admittedly? The first day was p good, I went as Cecil (here we go, Cecil version 1 lol) and Jed was Carlos and we had a good time all around. Theeeen Twitter ‘cause at the time, there was a lot of like...sonas for the websites and I was like, I have all that, I’ll be twitter! ...but I ended up having to wait a….long time for my friends to arrive and god, there was just...nothing but drama that day. It was not good.

Day 3 was 1000% better because me and Jed went back to Cecil and Carlos and all around that was just a dang good time. I think someone had actually told me that I was their headcanon Cecil? Which like. Literally made everything that weekend so much better because I was using my real hair (which at the time was sort of long) and I played up my brown skin. There were quite a few other Cecils, but from what I could remember, most of them were the blond white ones and that kind of helped me stand out.

Oh, and that was the first year we attempted flower crowns! Well, I tried, I literally got two garlands of roses and wrapped them around each other. We lost them on the first day, but another Carlos and Cecil found them, which was hilarious to me and I was really glad that happened actually, hah.

2014: HELL.

2015: --god no do you really wanna know about 2014? Okay one sec.

2014: So. I didn’t wanna pay for a ticket. I REALLY didn’t wanna pay for a ticket because also I was flat broke and honestly cons were so far out my price range at the time I shouldn’t have done it.

I did it anyway.

So 2014 was the year of volunteering and doing panels. It was also the first year we did a photo shoot, which was really fun and Maddi’s and Sabby’s were great. I still do love the ones we did for me and Jed, but there was something really nice and bright about the X-Ray and Vav stuff. To be completely honest? I don’t remember much like, for specifics of the con, just that we did panels and that I met a p cool Garrus cosplayer (who still cosplayed the same Garrus at PCC this year, and from the looks of it, it didn’t seem he made it at all more comfortable and I was like, DUDE. MAKE IT SO YOU CAN FREAKING SIT HOLY FUCK).

I’ve admittedly been going back through all my social media accounts to see if anything could jog my memory, and the only thing I remember clearly was that someone thought I was master chef in my Geoff cosplay and that was funny to me.

...I was also apparently America for a day. Which was p alright because I was admittedly a dang great America. Funny story, the only reason I know I was America was because someone from my past recognized us and snapped a pic. I’m like, looking at it and it’s just so funny to me that it turned out as good as it was for like, a really quick throw together thing.

2015: SHIT I HAD TO GO BACK TO MY OLD SHIT TO SEE WHAT THE HELL I WAS AND I FORGOT I THREW TOGETHER A CASUAL!DORIAN FOR THAT. Good fucking god, that’s hilarious, I was always somehow left tiddy commitee...even though it was a v casual Dorian, I guess I just had the right amount of hair for it, lol.

Also, it was the year that we did a panel for the Ladies of Hetalia and then we also did a Youtuber Let’s Players panel with prizes and I only remember spending the night before making those prizes, but the one that everyone really loved was the Geoff picture, which also was a fucking pain in the ass to make because would you be surprised that that picture was really hard to find a good enough quality one to print out? The best thing was though, that I kept running into the people who won the picture and I think some sort of cult formed around it. I’m not sure. I worry for that picture frame sometimes…

I think that was also the last time I cosplayed Cecil. Sabby was my Dana, which I mega appreciate her for, and I took a lot of liberties on my outfit...and based it much more heavily on the weirdness of Cec rather than the button up and tie version that was really popular. It was more fun just to do a Cecil cosplay TBH, and I actually can’t tell if Jed was there or not? I’m also not sure if Maddi was either...uhhh, most of the stuff I can find are selfies of me and Sabby which...I’m not sure of a lot of details actually.

2016: Man, that was the year of Undertale, Dragon Age, and Hamsteak. Er. Homestook. HOMESTUCK. Also the year I got a really nice camera to take pictures with. It was really fun because I got some great pics of our God Tier outfits and I’m still p happy with my Dave cape. Special thanks to Jed for making 99% of that hood. I still owe him a fuck ton.

This was also the year that me and Sabby went to a really fun quiz panel with an awesome Mettaton who is still p dang cool. I wasn’t sure if there was another this year? I don’t think I was able to make it to it, and I know that there was just so much work put into it, I was super blown away.

I also brought back Fen one last time, and that was fun. I dabbed for a dude and that made him super happy, then I just fucked around for the rest of the con. Ooh, also there was Naruto running. Late at night because also, sometimes you just gotta be a fucking loser with your friends. We...kind of started a whole thing? And I feel a little bad looking back on it? But it was at least, at first, just me and Hanna that Naruto ran down the empty hallway to Haruka Kanata and that was just. Such a fun time.

We did another photoshoot that year too, got some legit pics for hamsteak cosplays which was awesome. Then I had a lot of fun editing them. I’d say there’s more to say for this con, but...not really. Oh, but we did spend a lot of time in the activity lounge? Which I love the activity lounge ‘cause they have crayons and hang up your drawings on the walls and I did a ‘great’ drawing of Dave and Karkat that someone took home.

2017: So here we are, eight years later. To be honest? I was actually sort of dreading this con. There was so much just...not happening and I was feeling kind of eh...and I should’ve definitely gotten more done on Gabe but I didn’t. So instead I did Boxerwatch which was still fun, and my armor actually held up really fucking well. Which I was mega happy abound.

Saturday was kind of...a time. Like, I wanted to have fun, and I know I looked cool AF? But it was so hot and humid and I was in like, three layers of clothes and craftfoam and I didn’t bring a change of clothes. Which was stupid on my part. But! Jenny lent me her hot dog costume? Which literally made my day and it turned the whole thing from an /eh day to a THIS IS THE BEST DAY EVER sort of time. I’m not gonna lie, I love wearing those mascot sort of costumes because the shenanigans you can have while wearing them. It’s just so good.

Sunday was awesome because I got to hang out with Clyde, Sam, Ray, and I met Keyboard who is p dang cool. Also, I met my hello new person quota of one, so, double accomplishment. On top of that? My armor held up ridiculously well that day and so did my shitty painted on beard and I was literally. So fucking comfortable. I know I was missing a fuck ton of things for Gabe but it worked out alright since I went with a mega casual version. I’m definitely gonna make sure I can wear that jacket anywhere I go though because I love it a bunch? And it was mega comfy. Plus I’m thinking of making the shoulder pads something permanent to the jacket so I could have my own Gabriel Reyes jacket to just. Wear and feel cool in. Well, not cool. More like fucking sweltering because also I live in AZ.

Monday was just a casual day. I think I’m coming down with something and I wasn’t gonna kill myself by wearing Hanzo so, I edged it up. I was kind of really bummed because the Eyeshine concert was cancelled and it was sort of the main thing I was looking forward to all weekend? But I think Sabo might have messed it up p badly because on the website they set it for Sunday at night, which would’ve been perfect ‘cause then all three of us could’ve gone. But the schedule moved it to Monday and I was sad ‘cause it was their farewell tour...and I kind of felt like it’d be just...one of the perfect ways to end my time going to Sabo.

And so yeah, that’s kind of it? Like, I definitely did have fun over the years, there was stress AF during some parts, but then there were some really really great times. I’ve sort of...lost a lot of interest in anime since I started going, and while I will admit, I do still enjoy watching it, I’m so choosy about what I like and what I’ll watch that a lot of the main things available at Sabo don’t interest me nearly as much. There’s one more anime cosplay I wanna do, and admittedly it’d be really freaking easy to pull off...just gotta get the stuff. But other than that single cosplay, I just...I would like to focus on different things. Plus, it’s just so hard to get stuff together because of the timing of it all. Working as a teaching assistant means that I have very little time during those weeks leading up to the con to do anything. The week before was kind of hell, as I had to stay on campus until at least 5:30 most days and god, I couldn’t work on really anything. That and I didn’t have the mental capacity to work on Gabe over the summer, plus I’d planned to have Cyberninja!Hanzo at least started but that just couldn’t happen.

But anyway, that’s it really! This turned out a lot longer than I meant for it to be and I’m probably going to cross post this onto my DeviantArt. So thank you Saboten-Con, it’s been one helluva ride. There were some ups, downs, turns, and spins and while some of those times really really sucked...there were many others that were just so great and I wouldn’t trade them for the world.

#long post technically #sabo2017 #thx for the memories sabo i had a great time #also i apologize to any of the tags this pops up in #i talked a lot about stuff and cosplays and it's probably gonna show up in too many tags im so sorry

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