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carouselofrats · 3 years

Text

All for the Best (No It Isn’t)

“Oh, how I pity you, Roman.” He chuckled, turning his back to the Side and feeling his own eyes begin to water as he lost control. The Lord of the Lies was only so good. It felt physically painful to walk out the door as he heard Roman break out into sobs behind him.

You’ll never get to hold him in your arms.

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Ao3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/32061952

Pairing: Roceit

Word Count: 2017

CW: Janus has a panic attack but he gets comforted don’t worry :)

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Janus wasn’t sure exactly when he’d fallen in love with Roman. All he knew was that at some point, over all of the theatre scenarios and courtroom flirting, he’d fallen head over heels in love with the wonderfully dramatic prince. It was terrifying, to suddenly care so much for another. Because of this, it was both a comforting and depressing fact that he could never act on his feelings. For one, Virgil would kill him. He was already suspicious and hateful enough of the snake, he didn’t even want to consider the backlash that would come if he tried to romance Virgil’s best friend. I used to be his best friend .

There were times, of course, where he did wish for more. When the light of the imagination’s stage caught Roman’s face at the perfect angle while they traded lines; When they accidentally brushed hands or shoulders while talking over one of Roman’s scripts and he had to force himself not to linger; When Roman had had a nightmare and chosen to come to his room for comfort.

He finally reached the other facet’s door and knocked politely, as he’d become delightfully accustomed to doing over the past few months. There was a shuffling on the other side before a visibly nervous Roman opened the door.

“Hey Jan! Come on in, sit wherever you’d like!” Okay, now he was nervous. Something was off, very off.

Janus sat down on the corner of Roman’s bed, glancing around the familiar brightness of his love’s friend’s room. Roman gently sat next to him, causing the deceitful Side’s gaze to snap to him. Roman sighed.

“I asked you here today to tell you something important.” Janus’ heart clenched. Please don’t be what I hope think it is.

“I’ve been wanting to tell you for a while. We’ve had a rocky friendship, what with all of the stuff Thomas’s gone through, but I'm so happy that we got to the point we’re at now. You’ve become so incredibly important to me, Jan. It’s incredible how passionate you are about your role--and that’s coming from the literal embodiment of passion--and how much you care, even though you don’t like everybody to know it.” Roman chuckled a bit, Janus giving an exhale of amusement as well as the fear in his heart grew.

“I guess what im trying to say…” Please, god, yes no. “...is that I’m in love with you, Janus.” No. No, no, no.

Roman’s nervous yet earnest gaze travelled up from his lap, where it had drifted earlier, to Janus, searching for his reaction. Janus had short-circuited, his entire body frozen.

No no no, this wasn’t supposed to happen. How could he possibly love you? You can’t say you feel the same, no matter how much you want to, you know that. You’ve already hurt him before, if you tell him it’ll happen again and then you’ll really lose him and he’ll never look at you with his beautiful eyes or smile at you with his beautiful smile ever again. He can’t really love you. Just let him lose his infatuation. It can’t be real love. It might hurt him now but it will be way better than what you would inevitably end up doing to him.

No one could ever love you.

Janus forced his face into a smirk and his voice into something stable. He allowed the mask of the villain to slip over his face. You’ve always been the villain.

“Oh, Roman. You really have fallen, haven’t you?” he crooned. Hurt confusion slowly seeped into Romans face. He desperately pushed down the flash of guilt he felt.

“What are you talking about, Jan?” Roman spoke, his voice quiet and hurt.

“Did you really think that I could ever love you?” Janus hurt laughed. Roman’s eyes began to water, tears slowly falling down his cheeks. Janus stood up, forcing his hand not to shake as he patted Roman’s shoulder for the last time.

As soon as Roman’s door was safely shut behind him, Janus sank out to his room, collapsing on the bed as sobs overtook him. It’s better this way, he tried to tell himself, he can get over it quicker and you’ll save him the heartbreak. It’s fine. Everything is fine. His heart, which felt like it was physically burning, said otherwise. Janus could barely bring himself to move, weakly shoving his shoes off and wrapping himself in his blankets as he sat there, sobbing. At some point his hat had fallen off. He didn’t care. He lost track of time, trying to tell himself that it was all for the best, you’ll get over it, though he knew he wouldn’t.

Suddenly, Janus heard his door burst open. He was filled with the urge to make himself presentable or even look up but he only succeeded in reducing his sobbing into a gasping panic.

“Why the fuck would you do that to Roman you- Dec- Janus? What the-” the intruder spoke. Janus’ panic only increased and he couldn’t breathe he couldn’t breathe help

Of course, it had to be Virgil. Now he knows and he’s seen you vulnerable. You fuck everything up, don’t you? Can’t go one day without hurting somebody else you stupid, ugly snake.

“Oh shit.” He felt the bed dip.

“Can I touch you?” Janus breathed rapidly, flinching when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Okay, okay, just calm down, Jay. Breathe in for four.” Janus tried, gasping, only succeeding after multiple attempts.

“You’re doing great. Now hold your breath for seven.” He did the same again.

“Okay, now out for eight.”

The process repeated until Janus could breathe somewhat normally again. He finally lifted his head up from his knees, feeling pitiful, to look at Virgil. After a few seconds of silence, the anxious trait spoke.

“What- What happened?” Silence.

“Did… did you reject Roman even though you like him back, Janus?”

His sniffling quickly turned to sobbing again as he threw himself into Virgil’s arms, the Side swiftly hugging him back once he got over the shock. Janus’ other arms came out too, gripping the other like a lifeline.

“I had to- he doesn’t- he doesn’t want me. I’ll h-hurt him. Just like in the courtroom. O-or when I c-called him the evil twin. Like- like I did with you,” his voice shrank to a whisper.

“It- it just hurts so bad. Make it go away, make it go away.” He gripped Virgil’s hoodie tightly, sobbing harshly once again. He felt Virgil’s chest rumbling but he heard no words. Suddenly, Virgil started to get up, detaching Janus’ hands from his hoodie. He curled back in on himself.

He’s probably gone to tell the others how pathetic you are.

A few minutes passed, Janus only calming himself slightly. He heard a few sets of footsteps enter his doorway. They’ve come to laugh at you. The bed abruptly dipped beside him and a new set of arms wrapped around him. He opened his eyes and saw a white and gold sleeve. He froze.

“Roman?” He spoke in a small voice.

“Shh, it’s okay, darling. You’re ok.” Roman spoke, rubbing circles into Janus’ back. His voice was thick with emotion, he’d obviously been crying and Janus’ heart crushed with guilt at the notion, more tears and gasps leaving him. He began rambling apologies, all six of his arms wrapping around Roman like they had Virgil.

“I’m so sorry- I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Roman shushed the snake as he spoke, holding him tighter. “I never thought you’d feel the same way so I just b-bottled it up and then when you t-told me I didn’t know what to- to do and I’m so sorry”

Roman suddenly stilled. “So you really do? Love me back?”

Janus had run out of tears, left occasionally gasping for air. He leaned back and sat up, looking Roman in the eye and nodding before sheepishly looking away. Roman put his hands on Janus’ shoulders, causing the Side to stare back at him.

“Why did you lie about it, my love?” he spoke, his eyes full of earnest concern and love.

“I- you don’t want me. I-I’ll hurt you again. I always hurt them. And then they leave. I c-can’t-” but Virgil, who had been awkwardly watching the emotional exchange from the doorway, spoke up.

“We both hurt each other, Jay. It wasn’t all your fault.”

“Oh.” Janus leaned back against Roman as his thoughts swirled rapidly in his head. “Does this mean… that I can love you? I promise I’ll never try to hurt you and-”

Roman cut off Janus’ rambling with a kiss. Oh. Oh. Maybe Roman really did love him after all.

“Okay! Um, everything seems under control here so I’m gonna go,” Virgil hastily exited, closing the door behind him.

They pulled away from each other, both smiling. Janus wiped some of the leftover tears from his eyes, frowning at the wet marks on his gloves.

“I guess I’ve really ruined my reputation in front of you, huh?” Janus gave a light chuckle.

“Your big, tough reputation was ruined for me the moment you showed me your Scooby-Doo collection, you big nerd.” Roman teased affectionately.

“Like your Disney movie collection is any better!” Janus quipped back, Roman batting at his arm in retaliation.

“At least I have a variety to pick from!”

“At least my room isn’t a shrine to a billion dollar corporation.”

“My room only has 101 Disney posters! That’s not that many!”

“Maybe in your opinion.”

“Well, at least I don’t walk around in Hufflepuff-colored garb everyday!”

“I’m severely wounded, you take that back right now Roman Romano Sanders.”

“I refuse!”

“I can feel the dishonor of your insult burning me. I’m dying.”

“Stop being so dramatic!”

“I can see the light now.”

“Okay, fine! I'll take it back!”

“Nope, too late. I’m already in the afterlife. No, wait, I’m in Hell. It burns! It burns so much! But…”

“But what?”

“Nothing can ever burn me more than your insult! The shame! The shame…”

“Will you stop it if I finally agree to let you show me Scooby-Doo: Mystery Incorporated?”

“Suddenly I’m alive! They sent me back.”

“Mhm.”

“They said that all of you were just so lost without me. Especially you, my dear Braveheart.”

“Well, I can’t argue with that, can I?”

Roman pulled Janus in for another kiss, both of them sighing contentedly. In that moment, everything was perfect. Neither could wait for the many more perfect moments sure to come.

#sanders sides #thomas sanders #ts sides #ts janus #janus sanders #ts roman #roman sanders #ts virgil #virgil sanders #roceit #fanfic #sanders sides fanfiction

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the-origin-story · 6 years

Conversation

Origin Story Text Posts and Onion Headlines Part 9

Kira: one of these days i'm going to roll my eyes too hard and i'm going to go blind, i just walked into this room at a party and someone yelled "dibs!", I'm sorry you must be at least a level 4 friend to unlock my tragic backstory, I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting., how ones one turn their emotions off, idc (I do care), This Shit Again, i hope common sense is the next cool trend, no offense but i hate myself and i hope i die in my sleep, i need a tall boyfriend so he can get things for me off of tall places. i changed my mind boys are demons ill get a ladder, "your eyes hella red u been smokin??" no I been crying bitch leave me alone, why do ppl think its ok to waste my time, who let me adult I can't adult, japanese legend says that if you shut the fuck up you wouldn't be so annoying, "yall need to chill" says me, who isn't chill not even a little bit., here i am, cuter and more kissable than ever, and how many kisses am i receiving? zero, why doesn't anyone appreciate my sarcasm and bitterness as much as i do, what the hap is fuckening, current mood: angrily bisexual., buying clothes that aren't black is hard, are those feelings get them away from me, girlfriend: why don't you take off that battle armor and slip into something a bit more.....comfortable me: i am most comfortable when i am impervious to most forms of physical attack, "I need to you to totally straight with me-" *nervous bisexual laughter*, i can't stop laughing at the fact that i used to think that i was straight me a heterosexual, ever wonder how different your life would be if that one thing never happened, Youve heard of Best Buy, now get ready for... me (the best bi), ATTENTION! The rumors are true! i AM beautiful AND hilarious at the SAME TIME. yes it is a lot to take in take ur time my beauty is timeless, Fact: Bisexuals are open to everything. Coffee dates, crowded parties, underground robot fighting rings, secret witch covens. We're open minded., bi people are are wonderful and magical and their identity is so so valid pass it on, Your Safety Is Our Second Concern, anyway sorry I sound really gay and bitter, list of things i'm handling well currently 1., my life's resume: i tried, anyway *goes to push my glasses up my nose by the bridge and accidentally gets fingerprint on lens* fuck okay hold on, do you ever just look at someone and think "I'm glad your parents had sex", If I had a dollar every time someone called me ugly I'd have 0 dollars bitch you thought lmao, I may be short but you're still beneath me

Jean: me 300 times a day: im so done, that person you just called a nerd? they are a giant nerd. you made a good call on that one., "if u like someone just tell them!" yeah sure goodbye, why does life feel like i'm playing on expert difficulty, the robot apocalypse will be caused by people talking about the robot apocalypse so much that the robots will think that's what we want and they're just trying their best, i want to give him (Becket) things like blowjobs and self esteem, I am awake but at what price, me: *discussing w/ myself in my head* me: my thoughts exactly, I'm like four days past my bedtime, no offense but some of us *looks pointedly at self in mirror* need to fucking chill, reasons to date me: 1: 2: 3: 4: 5: please lol, "its dark im scared" don't worry bae i got this *stomps foot* *sketchers light up*, me: *talks for 30 minutes straight on a subject no one cares about just because i love sharing information*, me:*lies down* things:*continue to happen* me: lieS DOWN HARDER*, friend: you look stressed me: haha yeah it's the stress, it's raining but it's not men so what's the point

Cypress: is it gay in here or is it just me?, im the seductive malicious forest spirit your parents warned you about, me: hangs out w/ little kids and tries to reach them self love and feminist ideas, I am a dream girl I already know, i'm a good person i don't deserve to be mistaken for a heterosexual, *me flirting* hey wanna suffer together, "sit up straight" how dare you i'll sit as gay as i please, Area Women Not Listened To Again, "women are weaklings!" i'm strong enough to carry your corpse to the woods, I'm in love with this girl. She's gorgeous, smart, talented, funny as hell, and totally badass. That girl is me. boy: says something sexual or flirtatious me: right...anyway, "you can't wear that!!!! people will get the wrong impression!!!" the impression that i am a hot babe with an ass that just won't quit??" honey that ain't wrong that's just a fact

Becket: am i a complex carbohydrate because i am slowly breaking down, I'm usually that person who has no idea what's going on, no offense but what the fuck am I doing, eyebrow game strong?, more like eyeBAG game strong. i'm fucking exhausted. haha lol, au where i'm not crying, i expect the minimum and am still disappointed, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE PEOPLE who are simultaneously GIANT DORKS are my ULTIMATE WEAKNESS, me: knows exactly what i have to say me: stutters and fucks up a 5 word sentence, me, a sensitive and very emotional person who cries easily and can't take any criticism: i wanna fight someone

Liam: im fluent in talking shit, is it morally okay to pray that your crush's relationship doesn't work out, I walk this broken road on the boulevard of broken roads Don't know where it broke but it's only me and I broke the road, can you not date people that are not me? it's rude., i think i stole all of the wrong personality traits when when making my identity because no one fucking likes me??, hot people who know they're hot are the worst and can't be trusted, I thought you were in love? just with myself, *avoids even people i love w all heart*, I may look calm but in my head I've killed you three times, Child Development Experts Say Boys Not Fully Mature Until Avenging Father's Murder, i bet you thought you'd seen the last of me, i try not to sound like an asshole but it's really hard because i am an asshole, why are 15 year olds so angry

Bean: wanna make a secret handshake it involves us touching our mouths together for three hours, don't look at me i'll fall in love with u, Do you ever look at a person and get the urge to just drop everything and yell I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU, here's a little song i like to call "i cherish our friendship so i won't tell you i would totally have sex with you if you asked"

Cyra: IF YOU SAY ONE MORE WORD I'M GOING TO GRAB YOUR FACE AND kiss it because you're cute , do you ever just want to hold someone in your arms for about 37 years, QUICK. PUT YOUR LIPS ON MINE IT'S AN EMERGENCY, @god thanks for making girls so pretty, they're just really cute and in love, my kink is a happy n fulfilling relationship, my seduction style is is genuinely caring about your life & wanting you to improve & be happy, otp: smol and tol, you can't be hot and just expect me to act normal

Jean and Kira: I'm Always Open To Feedback I Can Get Defensive About And Ultimately Ignore

The Squad: Group Of Good-Looking People All Headed Toward Same Place

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