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utilitycaster · 6 months

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Wizard Breakdown Tracker: Echoes of the Solstice

You know it, you love it, it may return on an as-needed basis for Campaign 3 now that Allura has entered the narrative and we know the fate of Caleb, but no promises: it's the Wizard Breakdown Tracker! As a reminder, I now include PCs because I make the rules; wizard NPCs are included on the very scientific basis of "do I have something I think is kind of funny or meaningful to say" so as always, if I left someone off, it was on purpose specifically to annoy you.

Astrid Becke: well her boss is missing, Caleb has expressed concerns in private to Beau about all of the Assembly, apparently the king is bedridden and has been for some time, and I suspect news of unsealed things being unsealed gets to her quickly; even if she isn't aware of the events in Blumenthal yet, she's about to be. Also, it's the apogee solstice. 8/10; ever the opportunist, it is a good time for her to try to become head of the Assembly, but also shit's gone real sideways.

Eadwulf Grieve: lost his title of hottest mage (men's division) to one Fjord Stone during the last Nicodranas County Fair and has been sulking ever since but more importantly the temple of the Raven Queen is doing Not Great Bob as of like an hour ago so a rare Eadwulf stress moment. 7/10.

Planerider Ryn: just lost her arm...but is unaware of it, so that's probably helping. technically cannot be calculated because she is a rock but spiritually like an 8/10 and that's only because she is remarkably unflappable; she just witnessed the Malleus Key and that should drive anyone up to a 10.

Allura Vysoren: has absolutely sensed a disturbance in the force weave and I'm sure Kima's feeling some bad vibes from Bahamut right now, but rather like Ryn she actually has some degree of sangfroid, a concept unheard of in the entire continent of Wildemount. 6/10.

Yussa Errenis: have you ever dealt with like, an ER Nurse, and unless something is actually exploding or someone is actually bleeding out they're like "yeah it be like that sometimes"? After you've been sucked into the Cognouza Hivemind while trying to do your silly little arcane investigations nothing short of the Calamity will ruffle you. He's an elf; he knows this solstice is wonky but also he knows this is Someone Else's Problem. Also Jester's left him alone for a whole 24 hours? Incredible. 2/10 and that's really just because he's still a little cranky about the disappearance of his blast scepter. As always: never change, king.

Prism Grimpoppy: by my calculations she's discovering that she's actually fucking incredible in combat right now. 0/10, she's doing GREAT.

Pumat Sol and sure, fuck it, Oremid Hass: I suspect the Zadash Wizard Contingent is dealing with some wild unsealed shit from the time of the Julous Dominion and they can't get in touch with anyone in the capital, but it's probably manageable. 4/10. On edge but not too bad.

Ludinus Da'leth: oh did your little plan to unleash the god-eater go a touch sideways? were you unprepared for the possibility of fucking all of magic? did you think it was going to be easy? did level 9 "Fuck Up Airship" and level 8 "Shield Against Werewolf" fail to save your bitch ass? As we've seen, he'll scramble and recover, unfortunately, but it's a well-deserved 9/10 right now. I love to see a plan fall apart.

Trent Ikithon: OH this motherfucker has LOST IT in prison. Like...he was able to put together a pretty elaborate situation, to be clear, but also he's gone bugfuck nuts and does not really improve. I think he's already broken down from the start having clearly been planning this exact scenario from the moment of his imprisonment honestly given that he appears to be going off of the frissons he picked up from Caleb and Essek shortly before he was captured, but regardless: he definitely ends it at a 10/10. Stuck in an egg for eternity, if he's even still a separate entity from Omentis. A well-deserved fate if ever there was one. Get fucked lol.

Veth Brenatto: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha 10/10 you know she watched Luc leap through the teleportation circle as it closed and has been shrieking loud enough to be heard at the Chateau.

Luc Brenatto: the arrogance and naivete of youth insulate him initially, but Aggy's demise probably spikes it to a solid 6 minimum and it's definitely 9 during the battle. It goes back down pretty quickly though; see Caleb's entry.

Caleb Widogast: he keeps it together pretty well, honestly! Still I have to imagine he's kind of at a 7 or so this entire time with occasional spikes to 9 (NEIN) throughout, and I wouldn't fault him for finishing up the Blumenthal Brunch and then quietly locking himself in a soundproof tower room to scream, cry, and throw up for a while. Indeed, I would encourage it; Caleb should go have a good cry and hug a magic cat for a couple hours until he feels better, and then come back down to find that everyone except the clerics but DEFINITELY including Luc has implemented Spontaneous Apogee Solstice Oktoberfest to celebrate the demise of Trent, the engagement of Fjord and Jester, and the general experience of being alive, and is varying degrees of extremely wasted. This will of course bring him back up to like 7 as he realizes he has to return a hungover teenager to Veth and then goes down to a 4 or so when he realizes the clerics can fix that and Veth will probably be so glad that Luc is alive she'll ignore the rest of it.

Essek Thelyss: Our international drow of mystery looms large in the narrative, but does not make an appearance, which makes this premise extremely funny. I assume he's feeling kind of rough given that the Dynasty wizards are well-attuned to leylines and I would imagine he picks up that Sending isn't working and was broadly aware Caleb was going into danger, so he's certainly stressed, but Trent doesn't actually seem to know Where in Exandria is Essek Thelyss and is merely threatening blackmail. Honestly while we're at it, we don't know where Essek is because I wouldn't put it past Mr. Geometer Owner to have been at a solstice nexus and to have possibly experienced his own Solstice Shunting. In fact I assume Essek is blissfully unaware of these specific goings on re: Trent and is just experiencing The Anxiety for all of the previous reasons. (1d6+3)/10.

Known Gem Wizard Hotsauce Lutefisk: Hmmm. Things becoming unsealed, you say? The uninvited guest list (The Real Gelidon, Isharnai) for The TusktoothStone-Lavorre wedding may have gained an extra entry.

#i'm gelidon i'm the real gelidon and all the other gelidons are just shapechanging #critical role #critical role spoilers #wizard breakdown tracker #mighty nein #echoes of the solstice

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essektheylyss · 1 year

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Welcome to the WWE: World Wizard Entertainment

(Somebody get Vince McSam on the phone.)

Because I am a being of chaos and a chronic waster of time, I have put together a hopefully fun bracket of wizard match-ups! And let's be honest: my entire brand is putting wizards in situations.

For round one, I will be staggering polls throughout the day starting on Sunday, February 19th at 8am PST. Each round will run for a day, and the next round will commence once the final poll of the previous round has finished, at which point I will also post an updated bracket.

You can find all polls on my blog under the tag #world wizard entertainment.

A few notes:

These are wizards, and only wizards, hence why Gilmore is absent. Had I included him, it felt like a slippery slope to having to include a lot of other characters, and I simply did not want to deal.

There are some wizards absent. I do not take criticism on who was left out.

But on that note:

Vecna is absent for being first and foremost a demigod.

Raishan is absent for being first and foremost an ancient fucking dragon.

Vespin Chloras was included despite being a fiend during his time on screen because he is generally known as the most infamous wizard in history, and because I think it's funny.

Jenna Iresor was also included despite never making an on-screen appearance because she is the funniest member of the Cerberus Assembly, and I love her.

Lacrytia Hollow was, to my greatest regret, forgotten—I had decided to add her but failed to notice that I hadn't done so until far too late. But there are some great girlbosses on here already, so we move forward.

Also, on the topic of titles, I did include all current or most recent titles. You will notice that those who are alive but have vacated their positions, willingly or otherwise, are noted as "former."

Any wizards who were killed in the line of duty retain their titles. Lady Briarwood, Madam Archmage DeRogna—I'm not sure what you were working in duty to, but we salute you.

All first round match-ups are as follows; I'll add links to them as I am able, but I will be out or playing my own D&D wizard for most of Sunday. (Tumblr has also tried to eat this post multiple times, so I may discover that the editor refuses to allow me to edit it once it is posted, in which case, rip in pieces, and please check the tag linked above.)

Match 1: Architect Arcane Laerryn Coramar-Seelie vs Speaker of the Fourth Micah Cormorant Match 2: Eadwulf Grieve vs Former Archmage of Civil Influence Trent Ikithon Match 3: Keeper of Scrolls Patia Por'co vs Realmseer Eskil Ryndarien Match 4: Doctor Anna Ripley vs Archmage of Industry Jenna Iresor Match 5: Former Shadowhand Essek Thelyss vs Vera of the Squalleater Match 6: Archmage of Antiquities Vess DeRogna vs Eldamir the Wise Match 7: Arcanist Allura Vysoren vs Loras of the Weaver's Mask Match 8: Archmage of Civil Influence Astrid Becke vs Lythir VaSuun Match 9: Caleb Widogast vs Tuldus of the Ruby Vanguard Match 10: Vespin Chloras vs Halas Lutagran Match 11: Lady Delilah Briarwood vs Lyra of the Slayer's Take Match 12: Martinet Ludinus Da'leth vs Archmage of Cultivation Oremid Hass Match 13: Veth Brenatto vs Archmage of Dysology Doolan Tversky Match 14: Pumat Sol vs Gus of the Green Seekers Match 15: Yussa Errenis vs Archmage of Diplomatic Union Athesias Uludan Match 16: Planerider Ryn vs Lilith Daturai

If you care to see the actual rankings, or if you have no fucking clue who someone is and would like a quick link to their wiki page, I'll include them all below a cut.

May the... best?—smartest? most amoral?—wizard win.

Highly Official Wizard Rankings*:

Architect Arcane Laerryn Coramar-Seelie

Caleb Widogast

Former Shadowhand Essek Thelyss

Veth Brenatto

Keeper of Scrolls Patia Por’co

Lady Delilah Briarwood

Arcanist Allura Vysoren

Yussa Errenis

Planerider Ryn

Archmage of Civil Influence Astrid Becke

Martinet Ludinus Da’leth

Doctor Anna Ripley

Pumat Sol

Archmage of Antiquities Vess DeRogna

Vespin Chloras

Eadwulf Grieve

Former Archmage of Civil Influence Trent Ikithon

Halas Lutagran

Gus of the Green Seekers

Eldamir the Wise

Archmage of Industry Jenna Iresor

Lythir VaSuun

Archmage of Cultivation Oremid Hass

Lilith Daturai

Loras of the Weaver’s Mask

Archmage of Diplomatic Union Athesias Uludan

Lyra of the Slayer’s Take

Realmseer Eskil Ryndarien

Vera of the Squalleater

Archmage of Dysology Doolan Tversky

Speaker of the Fourth Micah Cormorant

Tuldus of the Ruby Vanguard

*According to me, tumblr user essektheylyss. You can make your own official wizard rankings if you want. I'm not your mom.

#critical role #exu calamity #world wizard entertainment #I did in fact mean to get things done yesterday but this is what I did instead. rip.#OH WELL!

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thequeenofmyownscreen · 2 years

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Fourteen things I noted about CR2E84 “Titles and Tattoos” and the Talks Machina about it :

Last episode of Talks, Matt talked about bringing Tharizdun in the background, and the recuring themes of hunger and insanity, and said that Marisha did pick up very early on the "hungry" theme. So I am overjoyed that in game, Beau is having the time of her life connecting the dots, between the nergalid who went crazy hungry, the not-regular gnolls, and later strange events of the rifts opening.

Matt : "It's good to have a Marisha in every party." A-fucking-MEN ! Her notes seems amazing. She drew a cat to remember that Oremid Hass liked Frumpkin !! Come on !!

I love Yussa talking shit about the members of the Assembly : Ludinus is dangerous, Jenna seems distracted, and Trent "is just creepy" (fair).

Sam the comedic genius, always ready to physically act, as Nott is silenced by Caduceus and Beau steals the gem from her hands, and he acts out her anger. Beautiful, I laughed so much.

Yussa is like "oh, Halas can only re-enter his body, huh ? WELL it would be a shame IF" and just proceeds to burn the body, he is so great.

Beau, about Jester being 'fucking ripped' in the words of Matt, as she is getting her tatoo half-naked except from the sash : "I try to make it not seem like I'm checking her out." BEAU YOU USELESS LESBIAN.

holy shit their tatoo designs are amazing

Caduceus' perspective on destiny and faith, with a nice plant metaphor, is amazing. I love this cow-man.

Beau and Nott confinding in each other : it started as a joke, but Beau quickly realized she was actually confinding in Nott that she doesn't know why her immediate thought was to lie, and that she's trying to be better at being honest. Alos I love that Taliesin was like "Can we make a therapist class ?". Because that's FCG's thing in Campaign 3 !! Did Sam had the idea at this epiosde ??

I like how they are honest with Oremid Hass (Caduceus is proud), and already have learn that it is Ludinus that is very interested in the beacons, and so it's probably him that has the one they're looking for. Big risk, reward.

Matt is gonna murder his players if they keep asking him who's on the Tal'Dorei council.

WHAT THE FUCK THEY ARE UNDER ATTACK POOR CADUCEUS what a cliffhanger oh my god

Laura and Travis are on Talks and they are just disgustingly in love (affectionate). At one point, they take 5 minutes to check on Ronin going to bed on the baby cam, and it is so cute.

I can't remember any good answers (though there was one about Jester and her feelings about seeing people trapped and lonely that was very good) because after Brain straight-up left while Laura was stealing his camera and his job, they're ending the episode vibrating their lips and laughing at how it looks on camera. This is so much chaos.

#my thoughts #critical role #cr campaign 2 #CR2E84

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your-turn-to-role · 4 years

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new opinions of the cerberus assembly (etgw spoilers!!)

somewhat inspired by the conversations the other day, bc it’s reminded me i have a lot to say about these motherfuckers

let’s start with the obvious:

Master Trent Ikithon, Archmage of Civil Influence (Chaotic Evil Human)

Book Text: [Trent is respected as the acclaimed Propagandist of the empire and the third oldest member of the assembly. Once an instructor at the Soltryce Academy, he only returns every few years to collect young students for his experiments in the mental conditioning that he calls “awakening.” Many of these students go mad and are locked away, but those who endure become zealots for the assembly and join the Volstrucker, an elite group of arcane thugs commonly known as Scourgers, who perform the assembly’s dirtiest work under Trent’s direction.]

Most of this we knew. I hate this guy. Though, as a point of interest - Caleb’s for sure not the first person this has happened to. They account for a certain number of aspiring Volstrucker never completing the program, Caleb was just another statistic. Which means somewhere in Vergessen is a lot of other people with the same backstory who never managed to escape. That’s, something worth looking into, maybe.

Martinet Ludinus Da’leth, Archmage of Domestic Protections (Lawful Evil Elf)

[Ludinus is the oldest and only original member of the assembly, as well as the master of warfare and conflict. Charged with overhauling the military structure of the Dwendalian Empire, Ludinus directed the construction of the garrisons on the Xhorhasian border and often oversees their maintenance. He was one of the mages who survived the destruction of Molaesmyr and fled to Bysaes Tyl, but he saw the opportunity to achieve greatness within the empire and left his culture behind to continue his arcane pursuits. Wise, if emotionless, he bears a deep hatred for the Kryn Dynasty and spares no effort gathering information on their weaknesses and secrets. Ludinus spends most of his time developing arcane weapons of war and shoring up the military might of the empire, while subtly challenging the leadership of Crown Marshal Damurag.]

This guy’s old. That's the scariest thing about him really. Like, this guy's been in the empire since it was half its current size. This guy saw the destruction of Molaesmyr, and knew many of its residents. But he also rejected that society, purely for his own ends. He's at least 400 years old, more likely at least 500, and for the past 3-4 centuries has been focusing entirely on magic and warfare. That's a long time to hone those skills. Ludinus may say it's hard to compare power in the Assembly, but if I had to pick one of them for an end game boss, it would be him, no question. Trent's more of a wild card, sure, but he's only like 60, 70 years old. He's a baby compared to Da'leth. Keep an eye on this dude, and under no circumstances trust him.

Lady Vess de Rogna, Archmage of Antiquity (Neutral Evil Half-Elf)

[A public recluse for most of her life, Vess is both a brilliant mage and dedicated historian. She assumed this post after replacing her criminal predecessor, Lady Delilah Briarwood. As an instructor at the Soltryce Academy for over two decades, Vess has studied and unraveled a number of historical mysteries and pre-Calamity riddles — and hoarded some of the spoils for herself. Always eager to pursue forgotten lore and artifacts of eons past, Vess has been known to quietly vanish to Xhorhas for weeks at a time, returning with fewer guards and more uncovered secrets.]

Canon confirmation that this is who took over from Delilah Briarwood, and from what we’ve seen, they’re rather similar people. They're both scientists and historians, ruthlessly efficient, far more concerned with what they can learn and what they can do than what's good or safe for those around them. Liable to be found breaking the law in the name of science and progress. At least Vess has lasted longer than her predecessor.

Headmaster Oremid Hass, Archmage of Cultivation (Lawful Neutral Earth Genasi)

[The current headmaster of the Hall of Erudition in Zadash, Oremid is tasked with watching and grooming the next generation of mages and arcane specialists outside Rexxentrum. While he himself is a gentle soul who adores animals, he puts on the façade of a strict man with no sense of humor, which is further enhanced by the elemental influence of his earth genasi blood. He teaches students that failure is not an option, and that emotion is a barrier to one’s true ability. Equally feared, respected, and privately loathed by the students (and some instructors), Oremid personally dismisses those who break under his school’s curriculum and heaps joyous praise on those who endure their training.]

So, I've had teachers like this. And they stick in your mind, because, even a decade later, I still have a hard time getting over their instilled fear of failure. I can believe that, in general terms, Oremid's not a terrible person. I think he looks the other way on a lot of things, which precludes him from ever qualifying as good in my books, but he hasn't committed any major acts of torture or murder himself. Still though. You don't teach like that if you view your students as people. You teach like that if you view your students as potential assets. So like.... not as bad as some of his colleagues. Potentially someone they could work with if they had to. But still probably someone to stay away from.

Headmaster Zivan Margolin, Archmage of Conscription (Lawful Neutral Human)

[Zivan Margolin inherited the position of headmaster from his father, the late Jorma Margolin. Zivan has been the headmaster of the Soltryce Academy in Rexxentrum for nearly twenty years. Calm, patient, and quietly imposing, Zivan walks the halls of the Academy with a keen eye for talent. He is in charge of the curriculum and also watches for any latent powers that may be worth grooming as future allies of the assembly, dangers to be monitored, or prospective minds for Ikithon to conscribe into the Volstrucker. Zivan has rarely had the opportunity to demonstrate his full power, for he is typically busied with keeping the peace between the feuding members of the assembly. Those who have witnessed his true might, however, now know that his words are backed by some of the most powerful magics within the Cerberus Assembly.]

I think @lostsometime said it best, having the archmage of conscription be in charge of your elite magic school really sums up everything wrong with the empire. Like, if that's out in the open, your problems are unfixable. Get a new government. Jeez.

Master Doolan Tversky, Archmage of Dysology (Chaotic Neutral Gnome)

[The second-oldest member of the assembly, Doolan is in charge of the study and understanding of abnormal creatures and deviants of arcane creation that might threaten the empire’s way of life. She is an absentminded yet brilliant gnome who is obsessed with all beasts, aberrations, and creatures of legend. Doolan imports creatures from around the world to study, disassemble, and use in her attempts to revolutionize magical practices. She resents the Library of the Cobalt Soul, as her reputation has caused them to bar her from their facilities. She wishes to catalog the unstudied horrors of Xhorhas and has covertly obtained the services of the Myriad to retrieve new specimens.]

Now, Doolan is fascinating to me, not because I think she's a good person, but because she's just so delightfully weird. She's probably done some evil as fuck shit but she's also a gremlin of a gnome who loves weird fucked up arcane experiments and magical meteors that created eldritch ducks and all sorts of bizarre things like that. I'd love to see more of her, because there's always room in fantasy stories for more weird morally ambiguous old ladies who are banned from libraries on the grounds of "is about as likely to eat the books as she is to read them" and "last time we let her in here she somehow combined five forbidden rituals and created a new species of demon that haunts the halls of the rexxentrum archive spreading toxic slime everywhere and we can't figure out what it wants or how to make it go away".

Lord Athesias Uludan, Archmage of Diplomatic Union (Neutral Good Human)

[Athesias’s charm and bombastic personality serve him well as a diplomat. His duty is to foster a positive relationship with people of power both within and beyond the borders of the empire. He was originally one of the most effective instructors at the Soltryce Academy, but his penchant for spectacle and his rampant narcissism made him a difficult ally to trust with state secrets. When the office of Diplomatic Union opened, he was quickly and quietly reassigned. Athesias finds great pleasure in ruining or usurping the plans of his counterpart in the Crown’s employ, Emissary Lord Zeddan Graf.]

We’ve talked a bit about Uludan already - the Gilderoy Lockhart of the group for sure. Though I’m sure he has layers to him, so I’d be interested to find out what exactly they are.

And, saving the most interesting for last,

Baroness Jenna Iresor, Archmage of Industry (True Neutral Doppelganger)

[One of the younger members of the assembly, Jenna is known for her business acumen and her extravagant lifestyle. By hiding her nature as a doppelganger and using memory-altering magics at a young age to fabricate a false past, Jenna constructed her human persona from the ground up, leveraging her powers of deception to essentially write herself into history as a Clovis Concord expatriate. She helps oversee central guild business in Rexxentrum under Guildmaster Kai Arness, and helps Exchequer Aethia Drooze organize the collection of tithes through starostas across the empire.]

I am, insanely curious about how a doppelganger ended up in the Cerberus Assembly. She’s definitely ambitious for sure, doppelgangers already have a fair bit of innate magic - they’re natural shapeshifters and have a fair amount of psychic powers (like reading minds of anyone who happens to be near them), but to get here she had to be extremely committed. Which means she probably has plans for this position, or had plans that she’s already put into motion. Very interested what those are, especially for the archmage of industry.

#cr2 #cr spoilers #explorer's guide to wildemount #cerberus assembly #trent ikithon #ludinus da'leth #vess derogna #oremid hass #jenna iresor #athesias uludan #doolan tversky #zivan margolin #cr thoughts #text #meta

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kimabutch · 5 years

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Some thoughts from Matt’s DM notes:

1. I was already scared of Trent, but I’m somehow even more terrified now.

His skin is somewhat jaundiced with visible liverspots. His thin lips hold a perpetual grin that reads both scheming and amused. He wears a dark grey cloak hiding robes of white and gold... the flying mage from the Gala assault. (Master Trent Ikithon) [...] The cloaked mage looks to the party and nods with a wide, somewhat wicked smile, inspecting each of you like a shopping chef might inspect produce in a stall.

What the fuck, Matt.

2. I think the above passage confirms that Caleb’s necklace prevents recognition from Trent even when Caleb’s right in front of him. That, or that Trent recognizes Caleb, but doesn’t care. Or maybe Matt just eliminated the notes that describe the possibility of Trent recognizing Caleb. I think the latter is less likely, though, because I doubt Matt would create a scenario where Trent would confront Caleb so early on.

3. Oremid Hass is a very interesting character. I don’t trust him at all given that he works for the Empire, but Pumat does describe of him as a “softie” and he was very nice to Frumpkin. And now there’s this:

“I see you bring goblinkin amongst the peoples of Zadash. You call these peoples your companions, little green one? This warms me. While sometimes informed by our nature, I strongly believe we are largely a product of our bonds and our environment. I’ve seen beastmen as far as Tal’Dorei live among the townships in peace. In time, even giants and snakemen might aid one another openly. Besides... the further we can civilize the more volatile races, the less power the Xhorhasian hoards have.”

So he’s a bit of a... “benevolent” racist? This fits well with the picture of him that we already have. Someone who truly believes they’re working for the “greater good” and doing what’s right, and who’s significantly nicer than Trent... but still dangerous, still racist, still colonial in attitude.

4. Count me as genuinely surprised that the letter would actually have allowed Fjord to get into the Soltryce Academy. I thought for sure they’d laugh him out, particularly because he’s a half-orc. I’m pretty terrified at the thought that that could have happened.

5. I’m very glad to know more about the Tombtakers. Also glad to hear more about the Myriad, who are apparently active in Rexxentrum (one of Lucien’s former companions is now a “torturer for the Myriad in Rexxentrum.”

6. “If the Gentleman ever feels he is being lied to, it sends him into a furious rage” and they have to fucking fight him. Now I’m thinking back to all the times they’ve lied to the Gentleman and shivering.

7. The Gentleman has a contact out in Felderwin: “Draconian survivor with an anger problem. Likes slaves who can work hard but also can take a beating.”

I wonder if he’s still there and there’s a possibility of the M9 running into him. I don’t think they’d like him very much. Also! I think this is the first we’ve heard of “Draconian survivors”? I want to know more about Draconia, Matt! Did they make any sort of peace with the Ravenites? Did they manage to get the floaty things back up? TELL US.

8. The plot would have been SO different if they’d escaped with Cree and she’d taken them to Shadycreek Run. I don’t think Molly would have been down for it, but if he had — instant Molly backstory arc (which would have been the second time that Taliesin’s character arc came first!)

9. Holy shit, Matt really does come up with names for all the minor NPCs in advance.

10. Interesting insight into where Matt stops prepping — he doesn’t include any notes for the post-Victory Pit party, so he must have planned to stop after the fight. I always wonder how he figures out where to stop, not knowing what the players are going to do.

#critical role #meta #sorta #THIS GOT SO LONG I'M SORRY #the lack of episode this week makes me grab onto any new stuff #my stuff

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essektheylyss · 1 year

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WWE Round 2: Time to (W)RUMBLE

(Vince McSam's manager has not yet taken our calls.)

With round one officially closed, we welcome our winners to round two, and bid our losers a fond adieu. (Except you, Ludinus. You and your moon can go get fucked.)

As a note, I welcome any and all election interference. Campaigning in front of polling locations is not only allowed, but also encouraged. Honestly, from here on out, it could get really interesting. I personally will not weigh in unless I know my opinion will hold no sway (rip Jenna Iresor, my beloved, you deserved to beat Dr. Ripley to a pulp) or it'd be really, really funny.

On that note, let's see who's competing next!

These polls will launch this evening, staggered, starting at 4:00pm PST, and once again will run for one day. As before, please check the tag here to find the polls, as well as the rankings.

Match 1: Architect Arcane Laerryn Coramar-Seelie vs Eadwulf Grieve Match 2: Keeper of Scrolls Patia Por'co vs Doctor Anna Ripley Match 3: Former Shadowhand Essek Thelyss vs Archmage of Antiquities Vess DeRogna Match 4: Arcanist Allura Vysoren vs Archmage of Civil Influence Astrid Beck Match 5: Caleb Widogast vs Vespin Chloras Match 6: Lady Delilah Briarwood vs Archmage of Cultivation Oremid Hass Match 7: Veth Brenatto vs Pumat Sol Match 8: Yussa Errenis vs Planerider Ryn

May the shady, underhanded wizard dealings be ever in your favor.

#world wizard entertainment

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utilitycaster · 3 years

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Wizard Breakdown Tracker, #135

Each week I think “man it would have been cool if I had thought of this idea, in which I make jokes about how stressed out the wizard NPCs are, during, you know, the Vergesson heist or something when we were interacting with more than one wizard NPC instead of during a dungeon crawl with only one wizard NPC, emphasis on crawl” but you know what, I persevere, because where else am I going to put song parodies about the death of Vess Derogna that are literally only funny to me? Twitter?

Anyway while I am personally team Jester, in that the faster Lucien is simultaneously disintegrated, run through in the chest with both a vestige and a holy avenger, shot through the heart (and Veth’s to blame), beheaded with a hand axe, banished, punched in the face, and sent into a black hole the better, the party has other plans. Thanks to the long rest though it has been about 12 hours, plus the 4-ish from last week, so I guess we’ll check in with a few of our other wizard friends as well.

As a reminder Caleb Widogast is a PC and thus excluded from this list.

Currently sidelined

Presumably having a good day: Pumat Sol (blissfully unaware of all of this); Allura Vyesoren (saint-like patience and a wealth of experience with disaster adventuring parties; at least this one has a cleric at more than 0.33 FTE, a wizard, and some lesbians), Ludinus Da’leth (this miserable pile of power plays wakes up every morning and is like Isn’t it Grand to be head of the evil wizard council and no one realizes I probably destroyed the first non-drow elven civilization on the continent to arise after the calamity! Fetch me more pastries!).

No idea but here’s hoping he found the cat portion of ScryTube: Oremid Hass

Lady DeRogna, taken off the scene, sorry that your murder happened while off-screen.

Trent Ikithon: I’ve established that I think the only real things that can damage Trent emotionally are Caleb paying too much attention to him so as to destroy his standing within the empire, or else Caleb ignoring him. Honestly if Trent would not continue to torture students and spread propaganda if left unchecked I think he could be slowly murdered solely through Caleb expressing apathy. So despite the amulets of nondetection I like to imagine that somehow, somewhere, Trent felt Caleb reaffirm to Essek that his top priority is still stopping the city from returning, not Trent, and it necrotized just a little bit more of his liver.

Conclusion: 7/10. I went to the OG evil mageocracy and no one knew who you were.

Essek Thelyss: Well on the one hand he’s still flirting but on the other imagine spending a literal century being like “what if we’re wrong about how we approach the fundamental basis for our society” and he just got proved right. I have to imagine he’s got that kind of stress where suddenly everything becomes dead calm and also this explains why he unnecessarily cast a 3rd level spell, which he knows could in theory cause him to lose all his hair, to impress a boy. I didn’t even get into the conversations he had with Caleb, the bad dreams and eyeballs, Fjord teasing him, Yasha being like “ALRIGHT ALREADY”, the horrible Aeorian creatures, the fact that robots might be back(?) or his ongoing terror that the Assembly is after him!

Conclusion: 8/10 but he’s like, kind of having a good time. Essek is in all ways but physical in a Hawaiian shirt right now drinking a Mai Tai and going Nothing Matters; I presume he will have a full breakdown following the boss battle and honestly he deserves it.

Astrid Beck: Others have already established the parallels between Essek and Astrid but honestly I want to highlight it because really, on the one hand we have Essek, whose world is crashing around him because he was right all along and is in terrible immediate danger but surrounded by friends, and on the other we have Astrid, whose world is crashing around her because she was wrong all along and she’s probably not in immediate danger but Eadwulf is the only person she can trust and we don’t know all the details about that either.

Conclusion: 8/10 but in the bad way, not Essek’s kind of fun way.

Wulfpupy:

Conclusion: 3/10. You know that tiktok with the blonde woman with glasses who has a lot of highlighter on her nose who talks about how sometimes if you have guy friends they will say something deeply fucked up and you’ll be like “oh my god do we unpack this right now” and then you look over at them and the only thing in their mind are the lyrics to Kokomo? That’s Wulf. He will activate the second Caleb comes back in town or Astrid actually falls apart but until then he is on Island Time.

Yussa Errenis: I wonder if there’s a small part of Yussa that is part of the city’s awareness and, moreover, can see what Beau and Caleb at least are doing, and he’s like “I’m so simultaneously proud and impatient, also we live in a world that does not have IV fluids so like, hopefully my body still exists in some kind of functioning state when I am rescued” (note: did I google “how were coma patients kept alive in olden times” for this? Perhaps.) Anyway if he is aware he’s also just like, watching all this like “I WILL GET YOU SO MUCH PAPER OH MY GOD CAN YOU JUST KISS THE OTHER WIZARD SAVE ME FROM THE EVIL HIVEMIND CITY.”

Conclusion: I mean still infinity/10, he is still trapped in the city of madness and also if he does have a small part of his mind that is sane and able to observe the material plane he also is aware that Trent and the Volstruckers broke into his tower.

Known Gem Wizard Hotsauce Lutefisk: I know, I know, weird that I brought him up. However consider: Yussa’s wizard tower now contains two wizards in suspended animation, their consciousnesses trapped in eldritch astral sea-related spaces. This is incredibly funny to me. We’re in a real Old Lady who swallowed a fly scenario except it’s centuries-old wizards getting sucked into traps because of their own hubris. The reason why mageocracies no longer exist isn’t the lack of magical knowledge or even because power corrupts absolutely, it’s because literally just put some lightly fried forbidden knowledge under a box with a stick propping it up, add your parody of Long-Term Nuclear Waste Warnings above it, and a wizard will be like ��that sign won’t stop me because I CAN read and what’s more I’m better at reading than you are!” And then they get trapped in a box.

Conclusion: what is a breakdown tracker to a man whose mind has been stuck in a gem for, from his perspective, at minimum about 35 years?

#critical role #critical role spoilers #wizard breakdown tracker #shadowgast #honestly i want shenanigans that rival any post-dragon vm shenanigans after aeor and i want essek to have a starring role #sorry percy i want a BLACK HOLE in the hot tub #your music this week was lady madonna by the beatles and kokomo by the beach boys #i swear i am a millennial i just spent a lot of formative time in the car with my boomer parents listening to the oldies station

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utilitycaster · 3 years

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Wizard Breakdown Tracker, episode 139

I know not what the future holds, other than more warnings about how if you Wizard NPC too hard you will become a mentally fractured hive mind taken over by a purple bastard Emotions Beholder.

But enough about the eventual fate of Essek Thelyss. Let’s continue tracking the deteriorating mental state that proximity to the Mighty Nein induces in all wizards they meet, much as a changing electrical current induces magnetic fields.

Caleb Widogast, as a PC and member of the Mighty Nein, is not included on this list, even though he definitely is inducing all kinds of problems in himself and others.

Currently sidelined: the Zadash contingent of Pumat Sol and Oremid Hass.

Could an archmage do this? *gets one-shot murdered in a hotel room by the man whose soul she deliberately shattered*

Ludinus Da’leth: could an archmage do this? *probably causes the destruction of Molaesmyr, inserts himself into Empire wizard politics at the ground floor, gladly benefits from the Volstrucker program while paying lip service to the idea that it’s “bad” to Caleb at parties, fails to notice a familiar is spying on his espionage meeting*

Conclusion: still 0/10 because this man’s ability to give a shit about the consequences of his actions died with the city of Molaesmyr

Trent Ikithon: could an archmage do this? *gets left on read by the greatest threat to his power, who leaves for the arctic to save the world, steal paper, eat heroes’ feast, be bisexual, and fly*

Conclusion: still holding at 7/10. I have to wonder what he thinks Caleb is doing though. Like, he still can technically send messages with a decent chance of arrival so

Essek Thelyss: if we have been denied Dark Star because his “potential love interest” cast “dispel magic” to “prevent him from murdering the party while he was mind controlled” MY breakdown tracker is going to shoot up to like, 8 or something, but between the (ironically, extremely dry) soup jokes and the fact that he did not murder the party while mind controlled I think he’s probably in what the productivity articles I sometimes read at work in order to procrastinate refer to as a flow state.

Conclusion: honestly despite seeing horrors beyond comprehension? downgrading to a 7/10. His friends are by his side, they’ve used up a bunch of spells but they’re doing well on HP (and really, Fjord’s been doing decently well with cantrips although that is kind of the whole point of the warlock), and he had his “tis a far, far better thing I do” moment.

Blumentrio-1? Blumenduo? Blumenonion.: honestly I got nothing. Like I love them, but this is your regular reminder that Caleb’s dance with Astrid was less than a week ago in-game. Maybe Trent has stepped things up and is torturing her more than usual. Maybe he’s done nothing and the anxiety is torturing her more than usual. I think all we can say is that Astrid continues to probably have a very bad time, and Eadwulf continues to be a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in some really great forearms.

Conclusion: ???/10. I mean I suspect they probably together average out to around a 6 but it’s anyone’s game.

Allura Vyesoren: could an archmage do this? *is in a healthy, loving relationship and remains a force for good within the world*

Conclusion: 2/10. Lady Kima, none of us deserve you.

Yussa Errenis: could an archmage do this? *gets sucked into an ancient evil city because he decided to send his consciousness into the ancient evil city*

Conclusion: he’s probably had time for a hot bath and a meal, so like, 3/10. We’ve established he does not learn from his mistakes so he’s just like “well that sucked.”

Known Gem Wizard Hotsauce Lutefisk: could an archmage do this? *gets trapped in a gem in a donjon in an astral dreadnought in a room in a demiplane of his own making for a millennium*

Conclusion: as previously established I’m pretty sure he’s already insane. Also I hope that this gem either eventually ends up somewhere even less likely to be found, or that some poor sap decides to grind it up for spell components or tattoo materials and suddenly a crazy old wizard pops out.

#critical role #critical role spoilers #wizard breakdown tracker #essek thelyss #yussa errenis #allura vyesoren #ludinus da'leth #trent ikithon #astrid #eadwulf #known gem wizard hotsauce lutefisk #Shadowgast

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utilitycaster · 3 years

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Wizard breakdown tracker week 2: episode 132

Welcome again to the post in which I assess how close the various wizard NPCs of Exandria are to Losing It, an exercise in reminding me that though things may seem dark now, one day Trent Ikithon will be brought to justice, which is the fun euphemism I have for “zero hit points and also on fire”.

I suspect we’re really only going to see Essek for a while such that this may eventually become a space for real thoughts on Essek, wildly speculative thoughts on the volstrucker wizards, Allura/Kima domestic fluff, and elaborate jokes about Eadwulf’s name and Yussa’s predicament, but I am committed.

As a reminder: Caleb Widogast is not eligible due to being a PC. Wizard NPCs for whom I have no updates, whether it’s because they have not appeared recently or simply because I don’t find them interesting enough; my deepest apologies to the Oremid Hass stans.

Someone in my notes from last week’s post asked where Known Gem Wizard Hotsauce Lutefisk was. The answer is that he is in a gem. Hope this helps.

Archmage of Antiquities Lady Vess DeRogna is still dead.

Ludinus Da’leth: with Yussa (hopefully temporarily) out of the running he’s suddenly feeling more confident in his chances at winning Wildemount’s Least Fucks Given competition but doesn’t know why, and with Jester in the north a sudden sense of peace has come upon him.

Conclusion: 0/10. He’s taking a nap in his tower in a sunbeam like an evil cat as we speak.

Trent Ikithon: It’s only been a day or so since Caleb delivered what is truly probably the sickest burn he’s ever experienced; this man probably doesn’t care about 99% of what people say to him but Caleb saying he’s not the biggest thing on his mind? That’s gonna hit. Also presumably the trail went cold after Nicodranas, in more ways than one.

Conclusion: 5/10 and simmering; by the time the Nein return to civilization he should be about ready to explode.

Essek Thelyss: While it’s only been a few hours honestly I think he’s already doing better. He’s in a weird freezing ruin and there was a fight with another one coming, but he’s being useful! He’s been given trust and friends! He got to show off a lot of very cool spellcasting! Also have you ever been super anxious and your friends, rather than trying to talk through anything, are just incredibly fucking weird to the point where it takes your mind off things because what is happening even? That’s the mood. Oh and also, he may still be worried about the Assembly bearing down on him but I have to imagine Yasha’s display of swordcraft is helping.

Conclusion: 7/10. To paraphrase Caduceus there’s a certain baseline of happiness when you’re in a freezing ruin full of brown mold, but the distraction is welcome.

Astrid Beck: It’s tough that she’s offscreen because like, her mental state is going to be governed heavily by Trent’s but specifically if he seems on to her. Also while my bets are against the volstrucker trying to teleport into the ruins of Aeor she’s probably going to be in a worse state if she might have to face Caleb again.

Conclusion: holding at 8/10 until further notice.

*Black Francis voice* I believe in Mr. Eadwulf Grieve: *sits backwards on chair* Look, son/daughter/child, we all at some point in our lives project a lot of things on to a mysterious but intriguing NPC. Your Verins; your Urayas; your Vandrans. Mine? Well, mine is a wizard whose name we don’t entirely know how to spell and who we mostly know is strong and likes the Raven Queen and was not exactly the third wheel we long believed him to be. Anyway, I like to imagine Eadwulf as a calming presence, with Astrid the more-high-strung leader, albeit calming presence because he immediately gets drunk after stressful situations.

Conclusion: I’m going to say 4/10. I think he’s one of those people who’s like, super smart but also when the problem is not directly in front of him he’s like well nothing to be done now.

Pumat Sol: Much as I love him, no updates for now and he will probably be moved to the “not recently seen” group. I hope a heavily disguised Yeza has stopped by though for more top toys after one of the mobsters got really into it.

Conclusion: 1/10, respectfully.

Allura Vyesoren: She is assuming at this point no news is good news, which will change after a few days, but also Lady Kima keeps busting in with a sword the size of herself yelling “I JUDGE THEE, MAGICIAN”

Conclusion: holding at 3/10.

Yussa Errenis: WE BUILT THIS CITY! WE BUILT THIS CITY ON WIZARD’S SOULS!

Congrats on the gender, sorry about...you know.

Conclusion: to ℵ-null and ℵ-null and beyond/10. In related news I am submitting a bug reports to both Tumblr and Google Docs for not accounting for the outlier formatting case of Cardinality Georg.

#as mentioned elsewhere nothing is funnier than just calling Ikithon Tront #but puns on other wizards' names are very funny #critical role #critical role spoilers #wizard breakdown tracker #your music references this week were Mr. Grieves by the Pixies and We Built This City by Jefferson Starship

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utilitycaster · 3 years

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Wizard Breakdown Tracker, Episode 138

I think it is easy to forget that literally every episode that aired in the year of Our Common Era, 2021, has taken place over the span of *Spurt voice* eleven days. Well. It has. And, indeed, the last seven episodes have covered roughly two days.

The reason this is only about wizard NPCs is because they serve as a sort of audience surrogate in that they are nerds who don't go outside, vs. D&D PCs who see more shit in two to eleven days than most people would see in a lifetime; case in point, Essek's current state of shock. This is also making it very hard to check in with the other wizards. But also this is not about accuracy, even though I am usually right about everything. This is about...honestly I'm not sure, other than wizards.

What I'm trying to say is:

Caleb Widogast is a PC, not an NPC, and is not included in these strange statistics*.

Currently sidelined: Pumat Sol, Oremid Hass, Ludinus Da'leth, Astrid Beck, E_dwulf Grieve

Obligatory self-indulgent Vess Derogna song parody: Tomb....takers, killed you in your room, they’ll end the world soon but hey/you cult wizard, lost in a blizzard, whatever you’ve done, well, murdered, you’ll stay

Trent Ikithon: I am 100% serious that while I have made Narrative Sense In Actual Play Media in the rock on which I will cast my Temple of the Gods, if the final boss is Trent riding on Uk'otoa...I won't be mad. Like does it seem tonally off? Yes; Critical Role is not humorless high fantasy by any means** but they are not actively trying to seem like something that should be airbrushed on a van, usually. But will it be pretty awesome? Yeah.

Trent on the other hand is pretty fucking mad, presumably, because Caleb continues to leave him on read and also picked up a little something called Mind Blank, which is actually useful and not in fact No Thoughts Head Empty. With that said I don't think it's increased; I think we're just at a steady simmer.

Conclusion: 7/10.

Essek Thelyss: Okay I am a dabbler in both cosmic horror and mathematics; I enjoy many elements of both but am an expert in neither. But if I may drop the jokes for a second, how incredible is it that in this alien setting of a city that is an unwitting and unwilling amalgam of consciousnesses, with all the trappings of classic cosmic horror, two people decided to take a scientific risk with things seen as forbidden or foreign by their respective cultures...and won.

I don't know what will befall Essek and he's clearly still having a pretty rough time of it, even though unlike Caduceus I don't think he was brought to the brink of profanity again, yet; but no matter what happens at least he'll have the nat 20 of instant long rest. No matter what happens...he was right about dunamancy. Fucking ironic how much potential the dynasty is wasting, really.

With that said he does have a red eye now even though all he (and, to be fair, Fjord, Veth, and Caduceus as well) did was fight off an eldritch abomination without rolling what must have been like a 20 Wisdom save DC. Like, he (and Fjord, Veth, and Caduceus) do not deserve this. You think this man has a positive wisdom score? In this economy? (actually, he might, I say, looking at Caleb 'Wisdom Ostensibly 16' Widogast).

Conclusion: keeping him at 8/10. It's funny because he is fully on an emotional roller coaster but it's averaging out to about an 8/10 each time; it's just that he's constantly beset by horrors beyond imagination and really terrible rolls but also incredible validation of his beliefs that had so long been ignored. The man's mental state is basically a sine wave, which interestingly enough is itself influencing his mental state.***

Yussa Errenis: The Prodigal Most Interesting Man in Exandria returneth! Wensforth, play Freedom! 836 PD. You know, he should probably feel a little bit of shame, because he should know better, but also he probably does not. Anyway please enjoy the lines I had for Yussa while he was trapped in Cognouza that I did not ultimately use:

aha no don’t get your consciousness sucked into an ancient city you’re so sexy

Here am I floating in an ancient and terrible world-devouring city/far out in the planes/Threshold crests are blue and there’s nothing I can do

Making bad choices and joining the voices it’s...YUSSA ERRENIS

Conclusion: I'm going to say 6/10 but rapidly decreasing. Also Wensforth has had several days to clean the tower...maybe he just won't tell Yussa? He probably will though.

Allura Vyesoren: she's going to facepalm so long that Kima starts timing it, isn't she. She's going to get a series of messages like "hey so the Mighty Nein seem to be doing well! they freed me from the city which sucked me in like some spicy ramen when I did an astral projection...also something happened in my tower?" She's going to just stare out the window for a long moment. She is going to ask herself, much as I have many a time, what the fuck is in the water in Wildemount.

Conclusion: 3/10. Hey, at least she got some news on the Mighty Nein and the city!

Known Gem Wizard Hotsauce Lutefisk: consider: after over 35 years, give or take, in your own perception of time, trapped in a gem, you finally come across some people. Consider that one of them apparently can't resist a big shiny wizard trap. Now consider that this guy went into your +1 Demiplane of Wizard Murdering AND got his mind fully schlorped by Aeorians and yet you are still, inconceivably, stuck in this fucking gem. This is where he draws the line? At a teensy little bodily possession? What the fuck dude.

Conclusion: I'm pretty sure he's already a few large handfuls of iron filings short of a component pouch (which is to say, full up on the batshit) already but this cannot be helping.

*this will be the first but probably not the last cosmic horror and/or math joke because I actually forgot to make cat jokes last night, so thoroughly did the Nein demolish Cree. Speaking of Cree's fate...call that a Furrier Transform.

**high fantasy is a complicated distinction and the wikipedia page includes Discworld which does not seem right to me; it also includes the Belgariad, a series for which I have great fondness having inhaled the first three books while sick in bed as a fourteen year old and having reread several times, but which is explicitly written by a guy who was like what if I made something as formulaic as possible but also literally everyone is either super sarcastic or a huge moron but anyway imo High Fantasy is actually frequently fucking hilarious and a sign of the skill of the creator(s) is whether it's hilarious by accident or on purpose.

***something something Heisenberg uncertainty principle. I had a joke here but it got very convoluted and that is actually not a pun although if you understand why it could be a pun, good work.

#critical role #critical role spoilers #wizard breakdown tracker #trent ikithon #essek thelyss #yussa errenis #allura vyesoren #known gem wizard hotsauce lutefisk #your music this week was: moon river by henry mancini; freedom 1990 by george michael; and space oddity by david bowie

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utilitycaster · 3 years

Text

Wizard Breakdown Tracker, #134

I’m going to be real with you: on the one hand I am, like Sam Riegel, committed to this goddamn bit about how the Mighty Nein are disrupting the lives, in one way or another, of every wizard NPC they’ve ever met. On the other this episode only covered about 3-4 or so hours in real time, which coincidentally is about how much sleep I got Wednesday night as my immune system took it upon itself to kill some spike proteins that it was tricked into making itself with fire. And so with those factors in mind this is going to be a relatively brief installment. Next week I will likely muse on the mental states of at least Yussa and Trent, probably Allura because I love her, and perhaps Two of the Three Morally Ambiguous Wizard Love Interests associated with Mr. Caleb “Bisexual Maelstrom” Widogast but tonight, we look only to the third. Essek Thelyss, take the stage.

As a reminder Mr. Caleb “Bisexual Maelstrom” Widogast is disqualified for being a wizard PC but if you are interested in his mental state I assure you there is information canonical, meta, and fanfictional to be had.

Currently sidelined: Oremid Hass, Known Gem Wizard Hotsauce Lutefisk, Pumat Sol, Ludinus Da’leth, Yussa Errenis (in more ways than one), Trent Ikithon, Allura Vyesoren, Astrid Beck, Eadwulf Grieve, and whatever wizards you’re thinking about from the Explorer’s Guide to Wildemount, the Tal’Dorei Guide, or vague asides in that one episode that one time.

Assembly member in a locket? That’s some Dead-Ass Wizard

Essek Thelyss: Much like *gestures vaguely at fandom* I was admittedly taken in by the demure dual admissions of soup-enjoyment and saying-up-in-the-tower-enjoyment as well as the conversation with Caleb last week, and did sort of wash over the fact that last week ended with Essek seeing Fjord make a brutal hail-Melora pass that is ultimately going to come back to him (that is, Essek) in terms of “who is technically in command of the Kryn rangers and verbally gave the order to Dagen.” And then in short order here is Essek’s night and/or morning: spat out on the ground from the tower, 60% of the Takers die immediately, Lucien says “fuck” and teleports out, rocks fall, nobody dies. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I owe no small part of my own mental health to long rests and soup, but one cannot live on long rests and soup alone.

This week things got pretty rough and (presumably) Essek is going Back to Bed Trance and that’s fucking valid. He is feeling some insecurity over the fact that as essentially Matthew Mercer’s character, he is subject to the DM PC Dice Curse* and can’t dispel magic his way out of a paper bag; he has experienced still more of the Full Chaos of the Mighty Nein including their adoption of a malfunctioning robot and messing around a mausoleum, and then he saw Caleb, the person I have to assume he trusts the most, be like “well I see we have a potentially lethal electrical security system. If I die please pull me out anyway LET’S GO.” As we have learned Essek is more of an academic/political type, not so much a combat/adventuring wizard and I think he’s experiencing a certain level of shock. And of course we have the words out of his own mouth: “me neither.”

That said his gravity sinkhole did work pretty well! and it’s only been a few hours for him too, and it’s safe for the whole party to take a rest which has got to be some comfort given that the whole party includes the people who can heal him.

Conclusion: 6/10. Stress levels are rising but we are not yet at the drop of this particular emotional rollercoaster. Here’s hoping he gets in a good conversation while taking watch or something next week.

*I don’t really believe in dice curses but like...oh, honey.

#your music this evening was a not-so-stealthy reference to the modern major general's song from pirates of penzance by gilbert & sullivan #and of course W.A.P.#i will never not make vess derogna is dead jokes just be prepared for that #if I used the term hail mary pass incorrectly: I do not care. football is something they made up to sell nachos.#shadowgast #my ship tag logic makes sense and is available upon request #anyway i need a long rest and some soup. good night.#critical role #critical role spoilers #wizard breakdown tracker

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utilitycaster · 3 years

Text

Wizard Breakdown Tracker #3, episode 133

Greetings and salutations to the exercise I have set upon myself, which is to say deciding the relative mental stability of Wizard NPCs who have been subjected to the Mighty Nein. My intent is to do this at least until Trent Ikithon has fucked off this mortal coil and/or been thoroughly deposed and humiliated.

As a reminder Caleb Widogast is a member of the Mighty Nein and a PC and therefore excluded from these calculations. Wizards who haven’t been seen or heard from lately and about whom I don’t have anything funny to say about will not get a full blurb, but as they re-enter the main narrative so will they re-enter the list. Currently, this is the Essek Thelyss Show ft. Trent and the Volstruckers with guest appearances by Yussa and Allura.

Currently sidelined: Oremid Hass, Known Gem Wizard Hotsauce Lutefisk (I am going to reuse this stupid joke name for him until it doesn’t make me laugh at my own joke anymore, which will probably be never), Pumat Sol (who I hope is having a great day), Ludinus Da’leth (who I hope is not but in true laissez-faire rat bastard form, probably is).

Vess D wasn’t there/morning time in Eiselcross or at her job or anywhere/they snuck in and took her life/and we noticed that her spellbook’s gone and that she’s covered in red eyes.

Trent Ikithon: Okay with the caveat that it’s been a very long time since I saw the entire movie and our only update is Artagan taking a moment from his busy schedule of traveling the globe in the direction of the sun such that he is always technically day-drinking to tell Jester that Trent’s biding his time, I’m getting real Disney Hunchback of Notre Dame Frollo vibes. Except instead of Catholicism and lust, it’s nationalism and an unquenchable thirst for power and control, and also he does not feel guilty in the slightest. He’s not at Hellfire levels yet but he will get there and I am slightly disappointed that due to the constraints of a D&D game we do not get an even more fucked up version of the song Hellfire.

Conclusion: 6/10. Slowly stepping it up. Also here’s the great thing: while we know Caleb is going to come after him next, he doesn’t, and the Nein didn’t tell any world governments about the threat of the city unless you count the Tal’Dorei Council via Allura, which means for all intents and purposes they just disappeared into Eiselcross...except Trent also knows Caleb disappeared for five or six years once before and reports of his death were greatly exaggerated. If Caleb weren’t dedicated to the noble goal of ending the Volstrucker program ASAP, he could just chill for a year or so and then pull a really stellar Surprise Bitch move and maybe just get Trent’s heart to explode.

Essek Thelyss: He got a good night’s trance and weird physical affection from a giant ape Caleb and he was healed by Caduceus and he had a serious conversation with the first true peer and one of the first friends he’s ever known about how high-level wizardry may not necessarily corrupt absolutely. And, of course, soup. I mean they are about to head into a terrible battle but he’s at full health and spells and he’s a valued member of the team and his friends love him SO MUCH.

Conclusion: 5/10. There is a distinction between a breakdown and being in a very high pressure situation, and he got some nice moments of respite this week. With that said do I think that post-battle, should he survive (HE BETTER) a whole lot of anxiety will come crashing back? Yeah.

Astrid Beck: With Trent in a holding pattern he’s got to be turning up the mind games on her; I have to imagine he suspects and then she suspects that he suspects and it’s a whole mess, but I’ve said that already. But also just like, in general, I think her speech to Caleb back when he first contacted her was genuine in many ways and specifically I think she was likely to have been Trent’s New Golden Child and then suddenly that got yanked out from under her for still more mind games; I think her difference in demeanor between that meeting and the dinner was partially Trent being present, but partially her having realized in the interim that she will likely never have anything to show for two decades of pain and doing terrible things and nonstop bullshit.

Conclusion: still keeping her at 8/10 until further notice but like. Astrid’s having a bad time.

Um actually Eadwulf is the monster? The hero’s name is Grendel: Okay meanwhile here’s my totally unsupported Eadwulf headcanon of this week which is that he meanwhile always knew he was not the favorite and probably never would be and while I doubt he ever had particularly noble goals I would not be surprised if he had an exit strategy. Personally I hope he tries card-counting in that casino in Ank’harel and gets kicked out posthaste and then tries being a wizard/some kind of divine caster multiclass in Vasselheim and also gets kicked out but finally becomes like an old-school hermit figure somewhere in the woods of Issylra and Campaign 3′s party runs into him.

Conclusion: also keeping him at 4/10 until further notice.

Allura Vyesoren: It’s time to acknowledge that this episode covered a span of like...8 hours? And presuming the Nein are sort of trying to keep a normal sleep schedule, maybe, and using a comparison of Eiselcross being at a comparable time zone to say, Nicodranas, and it’s 5 hours into the night for them, and we know that around mid-day for Nicodranas was early morning for Emon...honestly she’s probably relaxing with a glass of wine. Unless Wensforth contacted her.

Conclusion: I’m going to let Allura have a good day. She’s at 2/10 because the threat of Aeor will be in the back of her mind but also she’s seen a bunch of idiots kill dragons and Vecna and they didn’t even have a wizard.

Yussa Errenis: Experiencing a great disturbance in the Astral Sea, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror and then just like, kept doing that.

Conclusion: I decided to really go all out last week on the infinity jokes and left myself nothing to go on, huh. Anyway this breakdown goes to 11 (out of 10).

#me looking at the pitiful handful of non-STEM courses I took in college: is this a potential source of referential internet jokes?#critical role #critical role spoilers #wizard breakdown tracker #your musical references were no body no crime by Taylor Swift ft. Haim and obviously Hellfire from The Hunchback of Notre Dame #which is a weird pairing tbh

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