#not even to mention all of the unspeakables! the rampantly dark and prevalent
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The fish rots from the head
#this year sucks already and it is only february#the knowledge that there will definitely be points lower than even this#i will file this as#ocd#several bizarre situations all at one and 0 sense of control#i look at the concentration of anxiety since probably september#add some ramp factors#then bully myself for not having the same amount of ambition or drive as a few years ago#will i have a job in july?#do i have as strong of a social net as i think i do? as i tell myself?#will strange drama always persist with my microscopic family#i always dissapoint myself by acting out in similar ways#not sleeping or eating but feeling so anxious all i can hope to do is exert as much energy as possible is not sustainable#it is wearing heavily#i had GOALS i had ACTED ON THEM#but it feels like for what#and now to start all over#not even to mention all of the unspeakables! the rampantly dark and prevalent#how stupid and unbecoming#i simply do not know what to do and even i cannot untangle every resource#i am my own truman show#i feel like poison
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