#normalize hating your boss
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apollo, unprompted, every five minutes: broke bitch can't even play piano
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Chase's 'it's Tuesday I still like you' bit was fucking unhinged can we talk about this?
#hate crimes md#house md#robert chase#like??? what's the goal here wear her down?#that's the basis for a solid relationship#I mean obviously there's the consent issue but even leaving that aside#Chase is a handsome young doctor he could get a girlfriend if he really wanted#perhaps even one that he doesn't work with and who doesn't have a weird crush on their boss#and there's no way that strategy should've worked like if he wanted to leave the door open the flowers he left her were cute#and he could've said hey I'm just saying i still like you and if you and I think we'd be a good match#let me know if you change your mind#like a normal adult but of course no one who works for house is capable of something like that
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I know I have terminal insane silly brain disease and my feelings on this matter will change in probably the next 5 minutes but like
Damn I am funny and hot and generally trying to be kindhearted and good, and my teasing and flirting and emotional rambling, which is maybe Too Much at times, is still a privilege and a blessing, not a burden, to the people around me
#the duality of fran#i say teasing and flirting but its not even necessarily romantic#my flirting is indistinguishable from my platonic affection because i cant comprehend ever falling for someone who's not a friend first#dating apps??? could not be me. (reason 237384883 im single)#but anyway! i love you! if youre reading this yes you!#standing invitation to come flirt or joke or tease or yell passionately about both silly and also serious things in my inbox always#i contain MULTITUDES and tbh!!! most of them are pretty great!!!#yes everything is bad and I'm work stressed and ive had a 5 day long tummy ache and headache#and its a zillion degrees and the ac is broken and i cant wear short sleeves bc my boss hates tattoos#and id rather not have to open that can of worms with HR#and im so so so so tired and my meeting is tmrw and i havent prepped#and also im having mad scruples and idk if its like the normal flavour or it means smthn#unsettling confession dreams. i try not to read into them bc i have the connect everything to make meaning disease#and it fuels my ocd#but oh boy we live in a but what if state of being#However. maybe sometimes the but what if can be good#but what if things work out. what if love and kindness find you. what if there is joy and beauty not just despite but because of the horrors#what if all shall be well at the end of all things
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If you’d told me that I’d be shipping a bunch of classic lit authors with each other say like, a year ago, I would’ve laughed in your face
#thank you Bungou stray dogs#normally I don’t ship real people but like this is just characters named after authors and also they’re dead so#it’s so funny hearing things out of context though like imagine being completely clueless abt this piece of media#and someone says ‘so then Nathaniel Hawthorne partnered up with fyodor Dostoyevsky and Nikolai Gogol because he was in love with#Margaret Mitchell and also at some point John Steinbeck was partners with hp lovecraft and they were in love n shit and then#f scott Fitzgerald shows up and he gathers up all the Americans because he wants to take over the Japan lit scene for his wife for whatever#reason I forgot his motives because i was too focused on everything else but the plot but anyways so then there’s this little partnership#going on between Edgar Allan Poe and his Japanese counterpart Ranpo edogawa and they’re like rivals but also quite fond of each other and#they’re very wholesome and it’s all fun and games#and then there’s the main ship of the series that’s Osamu Dazai and Chuuya Nakahara and they’re like so in love and they hate each other but#they’re also in love and then the same dynamic is shared by their mentees akutagawa and atsushi nakajima and then at some point we get clues#that the same dynamic was shared between their bosses as well and mori ougai and fukuzawa yukichi are also in love because we said so I mean#basically any ship here can and will be canon no matter what and anyways so then they all meet and then fuck shit up <3#is fanfiction abt your favourite authors put in situations <3#.txt#bsd#bungou stray dogs
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First reprimand for shitty customer service <3. Well first one that wasnt just just my boss laughing and saying a local famous person accused me of stealing their wallet [left it on a shelf].
#no. not even a little bit#some shit#MANY EMOTIONS ABT IT. lol#first being not clear if this is the first actual complaint. or if ther3 were multiple complaints. which i just think is funny...#cmon man. spill the deets what they say abt meeeeee#second. my boss does have a language barrier byt more than that qlso just. seems. uncomfortable... being my boss???#like. as in. clearly tries to skirt around telling me what to do..... but vause this was clearly a pull aside talking to...#i decided to not lie when he asks. do you knoe whsy i mean?#WHAT IT BOILS DOWN TOO....#my bosses are boomers who get sad when ppl dont greet them at stores. i think. fhdhddhf. even tho i DO greet customers. whatevr.#cause im on that PHONEEEEEEEEE#take aways..... well im fueled by. CLOSER THAN EVER. to [kym replacement] quiting my fucking job. due to circumstances. ways and means.#and a side of. god so he was trying make me not. worried i guess. so he said. everyone has there own character and i know ur character.#i know your a good person i dont expect you to pretend and smile at everyone.#HEY. CAN WE UNPACK THAT.........#1. I STILL MASK (LITERAL). so. what do we mean by that.......#2.... i HAVE a customer service VOICE. WHAT THE HELL MAN...... it INVOLVES. doing the smiling intonation at I HATE IT.#=_= receiving accomadations at work -> have been clocked/ ASSIGNED. DOUR PERSONALITY......#maybe you dont... get my cust serv persona... cause.... ur not..... a customer.................. and i work the floor by myself??????????#anyways just. little bit of agonized personal writing i kept LOCKED UP. was right. You never Can be Normal enough.....#but. THIS IS EXTREMELY LONG REPORT. to you.... my fellow bloggers. closest things i have to coworkers....#is just that i guess lol... im bored by it now. godspeed peach and love butt also destruction and hate. whatever.#im pretty sure is is not actually gonna affect much going forward i just. WOW. i continue to not elaborate to ppl irl and do share alls#(or somes...) here.#OKAY WhATEVVER POST
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Whenever people called me 'young lady' at work it used to always feel so demeaning. Say, for example, in my first job fresh out of college I was put in charge of a large project that I had to present at the end of the year to a bunch of white old men. I received plenty of compliments. But not without the blood boiling, "-for such a young lady" appended at the end.
"She did an amazing job for such a young lady."
"Great job young lady."
Young lady this. Young lady that. Hated that shit. It's died down some now after nearly a decade of it. And today, for the first time, I didn't take offense. Maybe it's because I've become more comfortable and confident in my own skin, not feeling like I have something to prove all the time.
It's interesting how much your perspective changes as you age. I was referred to as "that youngster" today ("what's that youngster saying over there?") and while I'm certain I would have seethed inside not even five years ago, today I found it humorous. Humbling even. Because this was said by a 60+ yo man, and in his eyes, I really am just a young little buck. And that's fine. I am just a young little buck. Even at 30. Especially at 22 when I thought being called a young lady was the most degrading thing in the world.
#not really venting#just shower thoughts I suppose#shower thoughts on the clock I get to go home a bit early for car maintenance#how do I even tag this#20s#30s#it also needs to be said that it's not necessarily a good thing to normalize being spoken to like that#sometimes people are just being jerks and their misogyny and ageism (reverse ageism?) is showing in the way they speak to you#they don't even realize it. like an old boss of mine implying how when interviewing he looked for 'more' in women than men wth#or not being taken seriously because of your age or sex#sexism at work is real and especially prominent in stem#and I think that is also why I used to be so hateful and bitter all the time#feeling like no one took me seriously#being a minority in every sense#I was stressed and bitter#overworked and not appreciated#but I've since learned to prioritize the things that matter to me#to recognize when people are truly being malicious or biased against me#don't let it go if it's unjust. do something about it#but don't let it shape who you are
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My pet peeve is tumblr acting like being a librarian is the ultimate dream job in which everything is absolutely perfect all the time
#like you do get that this is just a normal job like every other. there are good days. bad days. you have bosses. you have colleagues.#yeah there's customer work which can be nice (or not) but there's also a lot of management accounting cataloging etc#i mean this is also an office job! how much is of course depending on your library / department but still#sry i just hate when ppl talk about it like it would be soo much fun it feels so infantilizing to me#this is a job that can be as exhausting as every other and that's that#library stuff#librarian#library#⚓
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hm.
apparently fromsoft nerfed a bunch of bosses in the new patch.
I really would've preferred they just added an easy and a hard mode or difficulty sliders (enemy health, enemy damage, enemy attack speed, boss stagger windows, etc)
(I'm actually not going to blame this entirely on all the people who complained that the game was too hard or unfair or unbalanced (even though they're idiots) and instead blame some of this on all the idiots who kept going on and on about how fromsoft should never put easy modes in their games because it would ruin their games even though an easy mode literally wouldn't affect them because they'd never use it. this is what the alternative is: now everyone has to play the game on a lower difficulty because you didn't want people to have the option to choose)
#like if you care so much about getting your clout or gamer points or whatever garbage for being able to say you beat x fromsoft game#and don't want ''casuals'' to be able to claim the same or —#wait. why do fromsoft fans hate the idea of easy modes again?#like I know they've got their whole ''fromsoft's artistic intent is for the game to be hard so people asking for an easy mode are asking fs#to go against that'' but that's stupid because (at least for ER and AC6) they have builds that let you beat the bosses without effort#so like. y'know. —#but I don't see why fromsoft fans hate the idea of fs adding easy modes.#surely that's better than the entire game being easier for everyone even the people who like the difficulty#like if you want your clout or proof of gamerness or whatever fromsoft can just add achievements or medals that can't be acquired on easy#and in ac6's case they can just like. lock certain parts or ng++ behind normal mode completion or something#(I would rather everyone be able to experience the story and just miss out on certain parts like redshift variants or whatever but eh)#(anyway before anyone tries to call me a casual or accuse me of wanting an easy mode because I'm bad or whatever#I've completed ng++ and s ranked Balteus and Fires of Raven's and Liberator of Rubicon's final boss and Ibis#without double gats double zimmermans or songbirds or tank track legs)#(I pile bunkered them. which is also easy but shhhhh)
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#my guys getting a ~new diagnosis at 25 is EXHAUSTING???#at least as a chronic overthinker ig bc whew#every day i swing from oohhh yep im definitely autistic to noooo i don't think i fit it enough esp sensory wise and blabla#i make eyecontact (but now im thinking about it and it's like being conscious of your breathing yk?? and then it's like. is that why#it doesn't feel that natural suddenly or??? and if im a little uncomfortable i stop making eyecontact but ig that's ~normal)#and then with noise and light i don't KNOW i don't know if it's all bc im paying attention now#like you see MAYBE im just pretending my depression symptoms/self-dislike are autism but what actually happens is just that#and i wonder like is my almost compulsively picking at my nails or scabs (i know) stimming or? and what stims would i like how do you KNOW#anyways. had autism group therapy last week and it was v chill and lowkey and also relatable at times though we didn't cover that much#but the overhead lights stayed off and that was great bc i hate u massive tl lights (but im prone to migraines so who knows!)#anyways. my mum did say it makes sense to her and my sister accepted it in a heartbeat JDMDMD and she studies psych and had to#deal with me growing up and bossing her around (our strongest soldier)#and on holidays it takes me a week to get settled usually but i THOUGHT that was depression bc i feel isolated and lonely for a while#so yknow??? sighhhh i am discussing this in therapy but i wanna KNOW i want facts so i can speed through the acceptance process cmon#(i know.......)#anyways. if you're still reading 1) mwah and 2) input is always welcome#insofar any of this made sense
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why r there people who ship odonaru or mitsumei or other ships with weird circumstances. its so weird,, like stop that…
#sorry Im just. mad#theres a lot of proship in more niche parts of this fandom and I HATE IT#like I get that you enjoy magshoe or other ships with iffy age gaps but#DATING YOUR SISTERS FATHER/YOUR BOSS??#YOUR ADOPTED SISTER THAT YOUVE KNOWN SINCE YOU WERE 9????#technically yes. the key word is adopted.#but thats not any different yk…#plus there’s a big imbalance between the pair thats always a pattern with proshippers#like stop that shit#you know damn well its not always about them being adults#‘theyre 2 consenting adults!’ you know damn well you would NOT willingly date someone you knew as a kid/had some power over you..#idc if theyre both consenting. one might be barely 18 and the other is almost 30 or 30+#wrong as fuck for that#stop normalizing that weird shit#you do not know what the fuck youre talking about#ace attorney#sometimes I hate this fandom
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Most of the time I think life is so so good and then I have one minuscule moment of pain again and it’s like nvm I need to die
#you ever have a good pain week and then you can feel your body getting tense again even when you’re trying to be proactive and it doesn’t#help anymore and you feel like a child again I feel like when I first started hurting when I first realized this was forever I feel like#when I would spend nights crying and thinking about how this was my body and this was my life and how it’ll be like this forever#I almost hate feeling good bc I forget how shitty it is when I hurt#like I truly forget that pain is forever when I have a good couple days and then it always comes back and even when it’s not brutal#immediately I know it will get there again.#I’m pmsing and I’m nervous bc I am stressed and I’ll be starting a new job next week and my shoulders are set more forward then they normal#are and ik it’s from driving and stress and sleeping in so many different places but like god how do I stop being afraid of my body#falling apart while im still using it.#I’m preparing myself for the inevitable endo flare. if it isn’t this month it’ll be some other month. how do I explain to a new boss that I#might have to call out a couple days in a row every month bc I’ll be busy curled up in a ball crying or sleeping for two days#how do I explain that I have to lie about how much I can carry and how long I can stay on my feet because if I didn’t I wouldn’t be able to#get a job anywhere#ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh I feel incredibly young and small and my life is short and just beginning and it feels like it’s racing me to the end#I will hurt in some capacity forever. I just have to deal with that. between emotional and physical pain I am hurting constantly but this#last week has been so fucking good and I have to go back to my regular life tomorrow and try to be good and fix myself and still remember to#stretch even when I’m not driving ten hours and it’s just so hard#I hope I take care of myself. I hope I stop hurting I hope I can be happy soon
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ik im not supposed to bitch abt work but like. Dam. This job definitely has its frustrations
#i have from 8am to 4pm to finish all the rooms on my adsigned floor right. i usually end up staying until 5 bc i do my fucking job properly#somebody. who i am family friends with btw lol. bitched at me today and could Not understand that it wasnt that i did a shitty job#in her room. it was that I hadnt. fucking. been there yet.#hers was my final room and i got there at 2PM. 2 hours early.#yet because i didnt have it done at 12 like she expected apparently that makes me a bad employee.#no matter How many times i explained she kept coming back with 'if you want to keep this job you have to do what your boss is telling you'#i literally was and had on purpose kept her room for last bcos i THOUGHT that it would be nice to have familiar company around to chat with#bc she usually MAKES ME LATE bc SHE LIKES TO CHAT#and then she was confused as to why i was frustrated. girl. fucking help me out#then besides that :) figured out that the nurse who decided she hates me#is the sister of this kid in high school that fucking hated me#like god i love being alive actually its so fair and normal and understanding#rant fuckin over sorry but My God man i am killing myself every fucking day for this place and this is what i get.
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I am a stressed because of guy being weird and incelly.
#he text me after I didn’t respond to him being like ohhhh you don’t understand how hard it is and sent a stupid joke to me hour later and I#was like sit with ya self for a while and he responded he was soooo lonely and hated being single and wanted someone to hold again mind you#before this he’d be like I’m lonely and I hate sleeping by myself and going home is horrible like duuuuuude I have know you for six days#over the course of like three month you’ve had my number for three days and every conversation is revolved around you and your interest like#stoppp#I’ve talked to like three four people and I’m gonna see if it’s worth being up to my boss but my mom being like that a normal conversation#is throwing me off my moms weird tho#she got off tatse in men like very odd tasted I gotta not listen to her on what’s normal#everyone else is like nahh and my gut is like he might kill himself or me since he obsessed with gun 😒#I’m half way concerned about being murdered it’s just a nervous thought#I’m not talking to men folk for a while y’all are weak links#mind you he not even ugly I have no clue what going on with his brain he doesn’t read social cues for real or if he doesn’t he’s just#rude tbh#this is what I get for trying to make friend fuck people 😂
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like yeah the psp’s limitations hurt patapon 3 but i really really dont think they needed to make grinding so awful
#sorry for pataposting im having a category 5 adhd event#.communications array#like even on multiplayer its still a bitch#yeah having a guaradira as your hero is cool but how are you supposed to level them when the hero is the only one that deals damage!!!!#and like maybe this part is just because im not good at the type of game pp3 is#but i hate the other final two final heroes so much like grenburr/the tatepon line is the only thing between you and hatapon not being#obliterated#ok i trhink im normal now. my mourning of pp3 fixes everything#listen. i do like pp3. there are parts of it i like. i have 100+ fucking hours on it for some reason im insane. But.#worst part of pp2 was kuwagattan's insane health pool and The Cloud. now imagine that again but all the time and also bosses can just#decide to clobber you to death out of rhythm so you need to kill them instantly or else you're gonna die. THAT ISNT GOOD!!!#DONT GET ME STARTED ON THE FUCKING. FIRE WORM THINGS I FORGOT WHAT THEYRE CALLED#AND THE ICE ONES. AND THE GRIM REAPER AND-#im done now sorry
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Every farmers market this past week and a half (so like 4 or something idk) we drink a ton of water and then I’m like oh just toss the empty bottles in my car so we don’t have to go find a trash can. And that works great until I have 11 FUCKING WATER BOTTLES in my backseat
#and there’s no trash service out here so the next time I get gas I have to do the walk of shame with my 11 BOTTLES to the trash can#markets exhaust me but they’re fun since I get to sell cheese and hang out with my boss#today her husband was there too and he wasn’t obnoxious or gross or anything. great work buddy#unfortunately I continue to fear that my boss secretly hates me now. I must try not to be cringe anymore#and I was doing really well at being normal until two fucking Thursdays ago#she said I love you and I haven’t recovered apparently#I don’t even know if she’s aware she said that she might’ve been too drunk at that point#idk. maybe tomorrow I’ll be like are you okay? you seem bummed out. and then that gives her an opening to be like#actually I fucking hate you/you crossed a boundary/I want you to go home and not come back ever/etc#but if I ask that what’ll most likely happen is she’ll be like oh im fine! just tired#and it’s like yeah I know youre tired but is there something I can do to help. like be less cringe and awful.#work post#she didn’t call me in until 4:45 today so I got to play arceus all day long#I’m a couple hours away from 100 hours of gameplay woohoo#I organized my boxes so I have all 200+ mons in numerical order#(just one of each so I put all the extras in color order)#and then I have my team separated out so I can grab them as needed#and then I went on my other profile and got some more plates. so now I need spiritomb’s plate and I can do the volo fight#I’m gonna be a wreck when I do the volo fight it’s such a heartbreaking plot twist#and I’m recording all the dialogue so I can make more progress on my fanfic#which I haven’t been working on since I 1) haven’t played arceus 2) haven’t been on my laptop that often 3) don’t get a ton of alone time#but when school starts and I throw myself back into my coping mechanisms I’ll make a lot of progress#okay I think that’s all for tonight. gotta go to bed now
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yet again i am surprised and disappointed by my mom's complete lack of actions behind what seems to be genuine care
#okay so in the past six months or so we have established:#i hate gifts and i guess i'll tolerate it if it really means something to them#i have a binging problem. daily. she at least knows it's OFTEN.#family meals are never a good time for me#she asked if they were allowed to gift me chocolate for easter i said ''do whatever you want''#in these words i mean#she bought me a huge ass chocolate chicken MOM mom. what is it good for. i hate your stupid chocolate chicken.#it does not mean SHIT to you#why do i keep telling you what i'm uncomfortable with and letting you decide what's REALLY important to you#and you keep fucking picking ''doing everything as normal'' over ''helping my kid during a very difficult time in their life''#i'm gonna shut the fuck up and give the chicken to my class or something#i mean i don't give them the choice for no reason i'm not the boss of them#but it's. yknow. a little disheartening that it keeps happening over and over and over again.#broadcasting my misery#vent#ed tw
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SEMI-HIATUS / ✧°˚ in your heart is where it all begins !