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icy-gendango · 11 months

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Just hit 21k words.... feeling wild... have a drabbl

#ik my writing is stiff #i am a stiff and stale person #ive tried to fix it before but i am just a solid chunk of awkward and stale #thus we get stiff writing and poor transitions #also the least interesting dialogue of all time lmao #i would crack a joke about how robotic my writing reads but that's too relevant to the times now #bc people are literally using ai to strip content and generate shit without a soul #its legit scary #like #my work isnt great or anything #but i think about writers i look up to and how their work is being fed to stuff like that #i just get real upset #anyway tag rant over #sprints away

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spitblaze · 9 months

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in the time honored tradition of stupid leftist infighting i feel like i need to remind some of you that 'artists are not allowed to claim ownership of their work' is for sure not the take you think it is

#spitblaze says things #'ip isnt real its made up by capitalists' okay great am i still entitled to the fruits of my labor. can i still have that.#or is that too close to ip law for your liking #it would be NICE if we lived in a world where we didnt have to worry about shit like that #but unfortunately we live in a world full of opportunistic capitalist ghouls who will do shit like patent shark #and not only steal someone's work but turn around and legally bar the creator from doing anything with it again #im not saying ip law is great. it sucks. but its important for an artist to retain the rights to their body of work

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radmista · 6 days

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Sowing seeds of discontent and disharmony by hanging up on my parents birthday phone call the second my mom asked if I gained weight. Hope that sits badly on their minds while they think about how that's the first call I've engaged with them in 2 months and it was for the dogs birthday. Dad scrambling to text me for my mom that she didn't mean it. Like fuck I told her I've been having a rough month and day. She couldn't keep it to herself that badly. Fucks sake

#was already not in a great place mentally but i entertained the call and was actually feeling okay talking to them giving them an update #she just hits me with that. and I'm not normally sensitive about my weight even when my mom harped on me for gaining some a few years back #i genuinely normally don't care bc I'm happy with myself. but i know ive lost weight because I've been on icu and we don't have time to eat #im so fucking mad and im even more mad I'm crying about it #bc what the fuck #i was actually feeling like momentarily safe talking to them and being vulnerable about working on my next life stages #and she just ruined the call. i wanted to talk to my mom and dad more. i do miss talking to them about some things.#i was happy to get to see my family all together even if it was for the dogs birthday. and people were smiling and shit #and ik theyre gonna say i ruined it by being sensitive but jfc #it was literally the 2nd thing my mom said to me on the call after we sang happy birthday #why couldn't she just shut up. why couldn't she have said anything else. why did i let it bother me so much i hung up #I'm just fucking tired and sad and now feeling even lonlier than ever #i just wanted a nice moment with my family god fucking damn is that too hard to ask for #and im even more angry and sad now that i cant call them back bc my mom will get on me about smth else we were previously talking about #that phone call was supposed to be a neutral zone just for the birthday song. and i was going to ride it out but fucking hell #why didnt i just put up with it so i could have talked to my family #and no calling them back isnt an option. they haven't apologized and it would be an un neutral call #which gives them space to harass me about work and shit

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berrymeter · 3 months

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seriously tho if anyone has job recs. like i am wildly unaware of jobs that exist so uh. i'll take. recommendations

#perth.txt #my skills include. um. i'm bilingual working on trilingual. i can send email. i can answer the phone with great difficulty but i can.#i really enjoy physical labour & all in all i'm probably good at talking to people? i'd like to think i'm friendly & approachable #i'd really prefer doing physical labour over like any form of customer service but realistically i could do that?#i don't think i can do food service though. maybe the dishes?? im a bit insane about cleanliness wrt dishes though so i could be slow #honestly i could see myself working w children pretty well but like. what are jobs for that beyond babysitter #& babysitters arent exactly paid well last i checked but i can see how it works through an agency maybe #i can also work w animals. p much anything that isnt bugs honestly #um. what are jobs that exist. man i don't know

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anotherpapercut · 8 months

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"the housing market is crashing" "YES PLEASE I CANT WAIT TO BUY A SUPER AFFORDABLE AND CHEAP HOUSE" none of you are going to be able to buy a house when the market crashes. you've all got to give up this dream :/ you're gonna be so fucking disappointed when another recession hits and you're actually just poorer and less able to afford housing than before

#i need you all to understand that when you are praying for a massive housing market crash #what you are praying for is people‚ especially poor people and people of color‚ becoming homeless ❤️#the reason housing prices fell in 2008 is because THOUSANDS OF POOR PEOPLE WHO WERE THE VICTIMS OF SHADY LENDING PRACTICES #HAD THEIR HOUSES FORECLOSED ON OFTEN ILLEGALLY AND BECAME HOMELESS AS A RESULT #i am fucking BEGGING you guys to learn ANYTHING AT ALL about the fucking economy oh my god #this isnt just rich people shit. especially when youre calling for thousands of people to lose their homes. stop. oh my fucking god.#many of you may remember that houses were extremely cheap in 2008 and that was because no one was buying them!#because‚ and this may come as a shock to those of you who dont understand how money works‚ the economy affects EVERYONE #it was NOT just rich stock brokers who lost everything lmfao. its like yall forgot about the extremely high unemployment #and skyrocketing fucking suicide rates! like! average people were not suddenly buying up property lmfao! they were getting laid off!#btw if youre wondering why this makes me so mad its bc i became homeless for almost a full year at age 10 due to the 2008 market crash :)#so i personally dont really think its funny to joke about how great its gonna be when a bunch more kids are left without homes

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chemicalbrew · 5 months

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achievement get (for the billionth time): take one look at an assignment and get severely overwhelmed AND discouraged for the rest of the day and do nothing

#it's so much and it's dishonest work!! literally dishonest because all i can think of is how bullshit a lot of it sounds. instead of #you know?#actually learning anything?#but this thorough lack of motivation is just gonna get me in trouble isnt it. how do i swallow my emotions and figure things out #its getting harder every year and the feeling that the few people i have close by do not ever truly understand - like at all - is horrifyin #yes sorry this is all i could think of for the past six hours. im having a great day (no im not. i also hate myself for feeling this way)#zero.txt #im sure it hurts the few people who care and who thought i'd actually go on to do things to see me constantly wallowing for reasons #that they refuse to comprehend or have compassion for.#just stop being sad! just get to work piece by piece! have some resilience #meanwhile all ive done is cry. maybe a part of me just likes feeling like this i DONT KNOW #and ofc so often im like. the only reason im still around is im quiet and they havent invented thought police #yet.#how can i have hope when the moment i decide to pluck a silver of it out of my core i read something that in a better world would not even-#-be a nightmare #like. you say things like that with your mouth and expect us to mindlessly repeat if we want anything in life...#fuck my stupid baka life <3 #ugh im just going in yet another circle now when i know trying to put my feelings in words is not helpful. what IS helpful #negative #again sorry. at least you dont have to open this wall of tags #delete later #maybe

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caimitos · 24 days

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its joever

#had a terrible day at work and cried in front of my dad for the first time maybe idk ever #like it turns out if you force your kid into college and a profession they dont want to have anything to do with...it ends badly #not that hes fully to blame im a dad apologist my extended family is just full of control freaks #but if we want to go Further i can also blame imperial japan for invading my hometown and making my great- and current grandparents #grow up in so much poverty and financial instability that'll 80ish years later i am now in this situation. whatever. i'll live #as soon as i get my resignation letter written #it's so embarrassing that i have to notify the FDA too like hhi hello...if u could detach my license from this pharmacy pls thamk u #shit i could have avoided if i just applied at a hospital where all my coworkers are also registered professionals so my workplace isnt #relying Solely on my license. damn #anyway its 8 PM i am tired out from cruing its bedtime #skl.txt

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sanguith · 8 months

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i'm glad i decided to try out a ketosis diet again (aka changing my metabolism to basically only use ketone bodies made from fatty acids for energy by reducing carb intake to max 20g/day) for a few weeks because it was a neat experiment but i'm also glad I decided to stop because now i get to enjoy life's greatest fucking simplest yet finest delicacy: mashed potatoes/sweet potatoes with melted butter and salt. i cannot understand how i could live without that. just. vegetables. keto has opened my eyes to new ways to cook foods and experiment with ingredients but i don't think i can live without carbs. i doubt that the majority of people could. also have you any idea how much good simple near-zero effort food there is out there like holy gosh darn in heaven. i don't have to spend hours cooking something to have a nice meal

#food mention #diets #actually anything carb with butter and salt. how can it be so good. call me a lazy goob but i once just microwaved corn and butter #added salt. and it was the most delicious fuckin thing ive ever eaten #i've done low-carb in the past and tried keto a few times and always it felt so great after the keto flu disappeared after a few days #but this time the keto flu did not go away. i felt so weak and awful but at the same time i had less brain fog. and never felt hungry.#but it was werid. i think it might have been because i've been kinda high carb for the last few years and the change was so strong & sudden #also electrolyte imbalances can happen on keto if you're not careful. it's complex.#anyway it got me to eat a bit healthier like (almost) completely avoiding processed foods and unnaturally high sugary stuff #which i just want to generally avoid for personal health reasons which is a whole can of worms but i just dont want to overindulge #sure i can eat an entire bag of candies or chips in an evening if i feel like it but I *feel* my body just being like “nooo” and sure enoug #the next morning i do feel a little bit extra like shit #and another thing: i think i benefit from abrupt diet changes now and then. it feels natural in a way. ye olde scavenger hunter genetics #ya know. our nomadic ancestors would probably have to do that a lot when things weren't year-round available #sometimes only meat for months on end in cold seasons/areas #sometimes basically only plants and nuts roots and seeds and stuff #it's actually remarkable how human metabolism can adapt so much depending on what's available to eat #sometimes fasting for days when food was just nowhere to be found.#i'm not saying “stress your metabolic system it's good for you'” (it probably isnt) just idk. mixing it up a bit at least works for me #btw disclaimer i HATE the whole thing about diet-pressuring and some people claiming that certain diets will solve everything #it doesn't solve all health problems magically. ”"”superfoods“”“ are not a 100% faultless scientifically proven thing.#shit like ''the paleo diet is the number one key to optimal health without medications!!'' no. shut.#on the other hand i do believe diets can help a bit like a nudge. it's just one factor out of many that affects how we feel #ANYWAY conclusion: eat what you want. do what feels right for you. find your own ways to make the food you eat help your health a bit #or don't! be yourself! love yourself!#the chosen method is gonna be different for everybody #but from now on im gonna try and eat as close to natural unprocessed foods as I can in this day and age. it feels right for me somehow.#i think *my* preferred method/diet whatever is to mainly eat natural unprocessed foods and to mix it up a bit now and then with change #for that sweet ''METABOLIC ADAPTATION'' perk that feels good for me #(why did this post become so long. nobody cares. anyway i don't care if nobody cares. i care. *I* care!!! wooopp)

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widevibratobitch · 11 months

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#coming to tumblr for the first time in three days just to bitch because i feel like shit <333 #sorry if i havent responded to your message i will as soon as i get a grip but rn im just too busy #both with uni and with crying because a friend said a mean thing to me lol #and because im tired of this new friendship already and tired of hearing this girl talking how great she is lol #am i jealous? fuck yeah i am.#and it's not like she's mean like straight up. cause like.#when i say im really considering quitting and dropping out she tries to encourage me ig #but then she follows it up with 'ofc *I* never had a problem with this and that because it always just came naturally to me teehee #but yknow. dont give up uwu'#and she keeps sending me recordings of her singing to tell her how good she is and always tells me how her teacher praises her #and like. its cool. like i get it that its a nice feeling when you do something well and wanna share that joy with a friend #but idk. i just think its kinda. well not mean but a litt #*a little tone deaf? when ive just been telling her that im in a Bad Place rn and my voice isnt working as it should #and my pianist is bullying me and i end up crying on almost every lesson #and she hits me with a 'damn that sucks fuck that pianist dont give up tho <3 #now do you wanna listen to me sing bel raggio lusinghier like a pro and my professor telling me i am sublime?'#also when i tell her that im sorry that im not very social and i just cannot stay and chat cause im having a horrible day today #and really dont feel well and she's like 'yeah i havent noticed anything you're always like that... *side eye*' in a way that suggests #im a horrible friend cause im not talking with her enough and yet again im disappointing her (aint that familiar lol)#i just. idk. the last two-three weeks have been absolutely horrible to me. i cant get out of bed i havent done a single colorful make up #in so long ive basically forgotten how to do that. and i loved doing fun make up looks that make people tell me i look like a clown.#but i just dont have the energy to do anything more than put on a random tshirt and spray dry shampoo on my unwashed hair #i dont even wear my rings anymore. ive stopped caring about being the pinkest slayest queerest looking bitch in the room cause i just. cant #and even some casual friend of mine asked me yesterday if im okay cause they can see something is Not Right. but SHE not only doesnt notice #anything. i have a feeling she feels like im disappoing and neglecting her because i cant be bothered to text with her 24/7 #like idk. maybe its just my imagination but i barely even feel like an actual person. more like just a homunculus made to trail after her #and listen to her bragging about how pretty/talented/unbothered she is #oh and also for her to keep dissing m/ozart lol like idk why it hurts me so bad but then ig its not that unusual to feel shitty #when someone keeps talking shit about something you really love and are passionate about and making you feel like an idiot #because you like it. because its stupid and boring and you're a simpleton for enjoying it instead of liking sth more 'ambitious'

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milfygerard · 2 years

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this is something ive seen a few times on my dash and i dont think ppl know this so i just wanna say that while its fun to joke about or even just discuss frank songs being about gerard a lot of the ones i see brought up frank has said are about like. his struggles with addiction (medicine square garden, veins veins veins) or complicated family situations (veins again, fantastic bastards tho not confirmed to be abt frank at all) idk i just want ppl who maybe didnt known to like know that

#barry.txt #this post is worded so strangely sorry #also FB isnt confirmed to be abt franks life it could be fictional or about d*wees. i know it has the ft willz quote but i think #they just lifted that bc its a great line and makes for a great chorus #veins veins veins and medicine square esp bother me bc i feel like franks struggles w addiction get sort of ignored or pushed to the side #despite being a very very present theme in his work #it kinda goes w his chronic illness and non gerard relationships as things that go kinda ignored when analyzing/discussing his songs #also i did just take ritalin. and its making me very chatty and ive wanted to talk abt this for awhile #i also do think it creates a very....idk what to say except fanficcy idea of what frank and gerards connection and friendship actually Were #this all kinda goes for the ft willz poetry as well tbh. i love thinking abt it and also love living in these #bitches discogd rent free jokes but its clearly aslo discussing franks chronic illness and struggles w touring and his relationship w his #wife #sorry oh my god. i wrote so much. its not that big a deal ive just thought abt this and havent said anything in so long #that i ended up having way more to say than needed #also im not mad at anyone for posting abt this we do not know these guys and these guys probably barely care #just. my brain. thats it lol

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neige-leblanche · 3 months

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:| scrolling through my original posts to find a post is making me realize how bad a mental state im in rn. im not even violently sad or completely emotionless but even the posts where i was complaining had some joy behind them & ive been trying to convince myself i havent been going through a depressive spell and and and

#txt #negative #im specifically tired today but just in general :/#maybe its that ive been working late idk.#i was having a GREAT time two nights ago i was practicing makeup and stuff but theres still something missing if u dont get enough sunlight #i think #that isnt fully it though. bc i remember on my days off i did Nothing i just felt like i had to rest #:((((((((#maybe ill quit caffeine for a bit and see if that does anything idk

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kirexa · 8 months

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I could probably get away with pulling an all nighter,, i don't rly wanna sleep :(

#im not struggling w/ any of the classes i have tomorrow infact i could just do all my work and extra for comp sci rn becasue its all online #i have french but we didnt have homework so idt we'll be doing anything important even if we do french is one of my best classes #this is mostly because i can't bring myself to put in almost any effort for my core classes. idek what I' supposed to do in human geo since #the teacher isnt good at exxplaining #hes a great teacher its a fun class during led instruction #but when we have to do work on our own its just “Oh yeah you need to do the essay” which is fine its only 400 words but. I do not know what #iam doing #I also have english tmr but i have literally the nicest english teacher nd its 8th period ill be awake ish by then and even if im not im su #sure she'd let me put my head down during independant reading. Her room is lit dimly w/ like string lights and a few lamps #she says the overhead lights hurt her eyes and distract students aometimes #sleeping would be so hard rn like not because im hyper energized just. my face hurts sm and i have music in my head and im too hungryt oo f #fall aswell #asleep #gonna. rest and do nothing but i probably wont sleep lol

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lupismaris · 8 months

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#rsd is a bitch but i do not need the validation of my colleagues i do not need them to be my friends i do not need them to give me attention #even if we were previously more friendly than we are now it is not a sign of me doing anything wrong it is simply how things are #they are going to be better friends because they are on teams that spend higher quantities of time together #i am an admin who is frankly by myself constantly i do not have a team i have no one thats why it feels lonely #not because i am awful and unlikeable #the colleagues i am upset about are also younger than me and cishet men they're not emotionally aware enough to care #and frankly even if i have done something to upset them i have apologized for any poor behavior so its on them. remember that #i am working hard at building a community and finding new friends just because it isnt them doesn't mean im failing #building a family and making change will be uncomfortable moreso because of the tism its ok to be uncomfortable #we will survive it but please remember that its normal and you didn't do anything wrong #and these ppl really aren't worth a panic attack/meltdown on an otherwise great monday because they dont acknowledge you #theyre immature boys and those that do value you are the ones inviting you to a team lunch you dont really need to be invited to

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