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silver9mm · 7 years

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I was tagged (months ago?) by my best bat-friend @exaggeratedspecificity to name 15 songs that I love, and I was really inspired by her emotional stories behind her choices so I thought I’d put a little effort into mine, too.

But the thing is, when I start thinking back to songs that mean something to me, like super personally...well, sometimes I just don’t want to remember things. I got really sick when I was 11 and now it’s systemic and chronic, and it turned me schizophrenic starting about age 16 and that lasted for another 15 years. Music, literally, kept me alive. It was my best friend, the one thing I could trust. It was how I found validation for the fucked up things I was seeing and the way I felt. It’s how I spoke to the outside world---anyone who knew me then got at least one mix-tape from me, sometimes dozens. I would take lyrics and write stories about my friends with them. I had to go home and get lyrics down on paper instead of going to parties. When I rode the train cross-country, I lugged my 300 disc CD book the whole way, clutched to my chest. I kind of want to be buried with my headphones in but I’m a little worried I’ll wake up from being dead when the battery runs out.

Anyway, in the last few years...basically since I discovered Supernatural, music has taken on a whole new meaning for me. Life in general has changed. It’s better. It’s more fun, more interesting. I’ve found a creative outlet, and especially concerning music, I’m not slathering my experiences, my insanity, my feelings of loss and isolation and paranoia and confusion all over it. I’ve learned how to step outside my little fear-bubble and enjoy music from a whole new angle. So I thought, instead of going through my 130 gigs of music and forcing myself to think about those songs that I love for personal reasons and thus scratching at emotional scars and scabs of my real life, I’d do something more fun for me and pick my 15 favourite songs that exemplify my 15 long Supernatural fics, because since I’ve been writing, my life has improved by leaps and bounds and there’s not a single traumatic memory attached to the experience.

That was really long-winded.

With You by Matt Simons: This is from the soundtrack to Sense Of Life, which is my first published fic. I’m so glad I wasn’t really ‘in the fandom’ when I wrote this, because I never would have had the guts to write it if I’d known how much most shippers don’t like OFC. I would have worried too much about Mary-Sue’ing or whatever whatever. What I wanted to write about was giving the boys something to love, and then taking it away from them, because if they aren’t hurting, what’s the point? So I gave Sam a separated-at-six-months twin sister, and Dean a sick angel, then I gave them reasons to all get naked in a room together, because little did I know, Plot Productive Porn™ would be my go-to writing device. Anyway, looming over the whole fiasco is John Winchester’s A+ parenting, which sets this story up in the first place, and I was so gleefully fulfilled when I randomly heard this song somewhere while writing the fic. I was like, yesperfect.

My job to control you, darling, though I barely know you, hoping you grow tired and start giving in. Spout of holy water pour it on my only daughter maybe there's a shot she'll begin again. So wrong

Lucky With Disease by Elbow: I think this would be Crowley’s favourite band. That said, this is one of my most favourite wincestiel songs and is perfect for Wash It Away---the first fic I wrote, and it shows. A few OOC things, but I just went with what I picked up from the light smattering of gifs that had crossed my dash---I hadn’t even seen a single episode of the show yet. My least favourite fic, but still...it’s not terrible, and I love the dynamic of hurt-angry!Dean and fixer!Sam and Cas falling somewhere in between, willing to do whatever it takes to help. I definitely stuck to the first two characterisations for the rest of my writing.

Fell like a crippled crow Spinning through and breaking branches I'm in a bad way Call my friends, they'll know what to do

Not as handsome as my brother But I've been lucky with disease

And yes, I'm a better friend Than I've ever been a lover And that's not saying much But I'm not saying much today

Make Me Wanna Die by The Pretty Reckless: In some different timeline, all I’m doing is writing Megstiel. But Never The Same is all I’ve managed and it’s typical---crazy!Cas and caretaker!Meg, bees, honey. Okay, honey as lube and bees around quivering nethers, but that ‘oh what the fuck okay fine’ sentiment is there that I always loved so much about Meg.

I had everything Opportunities for eternity And I could belong to the night Then your eyes Your eyes I can see in your eyes Your eyes You make me wanna die I'll never be good enough You make me wanna die

Adolescence by Brown Bird: Rise Above It is my goriest fic to-date, and the sort of weird, sinister nature of this song seems perfect for it. Another wincestiel fic in the same vein of WIA but I think I got the characters down a little better. Dean can’t stand himself and thinks he hates Castiel for caring about him, and Cas, par for the course, makes things worse trying to make it better, but Sam knows just where to dig into the bloody mess to get it all right again.

So long adolescence of the frightened soul You're entering the ritual Lay down your every fear upon the altar child Prepare to play the man's role

Stay strong the sound of screaming's just the sacred rite Of death begetting new life

We are here but for the grace of everything divine It's the providence that we must find

If (don’t ever blame yourself) by Last Days of April: People who can write early-season wincest are my heroes, okay. Dean’s a different animal now, isn’t he? I’m not even remotely suggesting he’s better one way or the other, just that he’s harder for me to grasp in the first couple of seasons. Harder for me to find his voice, and I can’t even say I really ‘got it’ with The Dawn Breaks...because I don’t fucking remember writing this fic at all. I have no idea where it came from, but it’s dark and dirty and Sam is toeing the line of making himself into the same monster that hurt Dean in the first place, but in the end, he pulls it off.

If it is hard to bear I'll hold the weight If there are things you ain't I'll compensate But you should never blame yourself Put the blame on everybody else 'cause they don't see what I see If no one understands I'll understand

Lovers’ Eyes by Mumford and Sons: ngl, the entire soundtrack for Becoming Less Defined is my favourite song. I fucking nailed it with these songs: perfect combo, perfect order, perfect atmosphere, but this song in particular showcases my particular obsessive trope here. I’m so fucking proud of this ’verse, and I’m climbing the walls to get back to it and finish it. I can’t leave omega-tainted!Dean and Wall-crumbled!Sam and sweet, insane omega!Jensen in limbo. I mean, there’s actual Purgatory to get to, after all.

Were we too young, our heads too strong To bear the weight of these lovers’ eyes I feel numb beneath your tongue Beneath the curse of these lovers’ eyes But do not ask the price I pay I must live with my quiet rage Tame the ghosts in my head That run wild and wish me dead

Complicated Shadows by Elvis Costello: It’s hard to get Dean alone sometimes, but this song really conjures up that early-season hero that I was talking about before, and writing Turn In Early was supposed to be just a little jerk-off fic, some imaginative Deancest, but because I’m the worst, it’s all slathered in gentle pain.

Well you know your time has come and you're sorry for what you've done You should've never have been playing with a gun In those complicated shadows Well there's a line that you must toe And it'll soon be time to go But it's darker than you know in those complicated shadows

John’s Star by The National: A reminisce fic, Dean’s B.S., 2001 is a rare moment of self-reflection for Dean, but he’ll only go so far back. I love the idea of Stanford-era!Dean, sidelined, a captive audience, listening to music he probably would never on his own terms, and hearing lyrics that just fucking hit home. There’s nothing explicit about this fic, no overt wincest, but it’s there, especially with songs like this.

I don't ever want you to come home again I don't want to hear your call, your voice in my room I am divine, my arms are stronger than rivers And when you feel that way, you want to feel that way again Forever

Once ruined, baby you stay ruined

Evidence by Faith No More: The sleaze that undercurrents all of Mike Patton’s music is perfect for Dress Me Down, a jealous!Jensen J2/Genevieve blackmail fic, because you can just hear Jensen lying to himself through the music.

If you want to open the hole Just put your head down and go Step beside the piece of the circumstance You got to wash away the taste of evidence Wash it away Evidence, evidence, evidence Got to taste evidence I didn't feel a thing It didn't mean a thing Look in the eye and testify I didn't feel a thing Anything you say, you know you're guilty Hands above your head and you won't even feel me You won't feel me

Sedated by Hozier: I would normally pick Great Expectations by Elbow for this, but the dangerous, powerful carelessness of this song fits Something To Share just as well. Schizophrenic, self-destructive and self-harming!Sam and totally out of his depth!Dean make deals and promises to each other and I just really, really love this fic okay leave me alone I’m fine.

You and I nursing on a poison that never stung Our teeth and lungs are lined with the scum of it Somewhere for this, death and guns We are deaf, we are numb Free and young and we can feel none of it Something isn't right, babe I keep catching little words but the meaning's thin I'm somewhere outside my life, babe I keep scratching but somehow I can't get in So we're slaves to any semblance of touch Lord we should quit but we love it too much

Knock Me Out by Linda Perry: Back to my a/b/o ’verse with Between Two Minds, and we find poor Dean, omega-tainted and feeling like he can’t be loved, finally, finally starting to trust his little brother again.

You knocked me out You bit my lip You held me down and kept me sober Through all this time With no regret I guess that's just the way I liked it Maybe, when I'm free I'll realize all he really wanted To share all the peace Something I never wanted So wait, don't go Seems as though it's getting scary So please, don't you go

Feels Like by Buck 65: A song no one will listen to for a fic that no one reads. Dreamy, plinking piano for a fic that started out as a dream. My favourite artist with my favourite ending I’ve ever written. Give Buck and A Steep Fall a chance.

She found the lost boy, eyes that are crying closes Glad to be unhappy, boy gives her dying roses Ecstatic agony and nights of arousing glories Hungry hearts and hands that tell ten thousand stories Open wounds and the one word that filed under Her endless eyes have known hardship and wild wonder Kisses that cure and moments that cured the kiss Under a spell and maybe there's no words for this

I Drove All Night by Roy Orbison: The Mixtape Thing wasn’t supposed to be a fic, but I had to talk about why the songs were picked for the prompt ‘date night at the MoL Bunker’, and suddenly there was a sweet little wincest fic. Yeah, ‘sweet’. My fans were very surprised too.

What in this world Keeps us from falling apart No matter where I go I hear The beating of our one heart I think about you When the night is cold and dark No one can move me The way that you do Nothing erases this feeling between me and you

Tell Me by Moby ft. Cold Specks: An alternative ending to BLD, But Then Again is the best thing I’ve written so far. J2/wincest/abo and so fucking full of angst and longing and good goddamn is it dirty. I’m so proud of it and myself for pulling it off, and even if I lose two more friends over it (i’m not bitter i’m very bitter), it’s still wonderful in my mind.

Didn't have the heat I gave you memories Come deeper please I got nowhere to stay tonight Won't you make me stay? Keep your clear eyes on the prize And as I'm there Bring me to your knees

Baby Blue by Wolf Parade: Kill The Lights is the one unfinished fic on this list but I’m so close it counts. Fifty-nine songs to choose from. Five playlists. Over 100,000 words, and choosing one song to represent this brutal MCD fic is easy. Since it’s written from Sam’s POV, some of my favourite songs are the ones I imagine from Dean’s, and this is perfect.

You're like a fool on fire To the water so blue I will come undone And I will run to you Sometimes we are an open flower Sometimes we are an open wound Sometimes we are a kind of echo chamber, wherein You're all fire and brimstone And I'm all that, too Burning blue for you

LISTEN

tagging @zmediaoutlet @omgbubblesomg @theboringprincess @chiisana-sukima @hazeldomain @indigoneutrino @dreamsfromthebunker @bruisedmickey and anyone else who wants to do this (and if you’ve already done it, no worries ;)

#ao3 #silver9mm #this is really long #but i really love music #and fic writing #so

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phoenix1966sbottom · 7 years

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Royalty

When Sam/Jared is around royalty (but not necessarily royalty himself). As always, heed the warnings where the story is hosted. And if you enjoyed it, consider leaving a comment for the author, since it is the only payment they ever receive.

The Golden Cage by Phoenix1966 (me) on Ao3. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU. Jared Padalecki was on the adventure of a lifetime before settling into the drudgery of life as a clerk in his father’s company. But as he traverses the Arabian Peninsula, his caravan is attacked and he ends up the property of Sheikh Ankour, forced to bend to the man’s every whim. (warning: contains non-graphic mpreg. Must be logged in to read.)

Hostage by fufaraw Ao3. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU. Jared has always gotten his regular omega checkups, and he takes his inhibitors like clockwork. He’s devoted to his friends and his family, but he’s passionate about archeology and dedicated to his career. He’s got neither time nor interest for a romantic relationship, much less a mate, and he definitely doesn’t want kids. He’s working as TA for Dr. Omundson, head of Knox University’s archeology department, while he finishes his Master’s degree. Jared jumped at the chance to join the dig, but omegas in Rirajistan are rigidly traditional, so Jared agrees to wear Omundson’s collar while in-country. The collar is just the visible sign that Jared’s under the Doc’s protection and responsibility. (warning: mpreg)

The Prince and I by bluetoast on Ao3. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU. Jared's having an awful year. He's been fired, evicted and he caught his boyfriend cheating on him. With not much to stand on, no family save for friends, Jared goes with his friends to the Mediterranean country of Biryal for a month-long vacation. While there, he meets Jensen Ross, who is unlike anyone Jared has ever met. What should have just been a summer romance is the start of something neither of the two men expected. For starters, Jensen is keeping one very large secret from Jared. Namely that he's the crown prince. (warning: mpreg).

What’s a fire and why does it burn? by deirdre_c on Ao3. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU. A retelling of "The Little Mermaid." A little bit Hans Christian Andersen, a little bit Disney, a whole lot of melodrama.

My Light by zubeneschamali on LiveJournal. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU. King Jensen rescues his kidnapped husband-to-be Jared and reaffirms how much he means to him.

Pretty Things series by keep_waking_up on Ao3. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU. King Jensen has a reputation for liking pretty things.

Royal Secrets by Sanshal on Ao3. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU. Jared (18-21) is a commoner who works hard to support his sickly mother. He is surprised to see the prince’s entourage travelling through his village. The prince notices that Jared looks exactly like him, telling Jared how fun it would be if they could switch places, just for the day.

Slave for Love by annie46 on LIveJournal. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU. Jared is a reporter who will do anything for a story. When his plane crashes during an important job he finds himself in the Harem of a notorious sheik – Jensen. (Waning: there is a Top!Jared moment in chapter 3!)

Worth Having series by Greenbird on Ao3. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU. Jared’s family has never hidden that they hate him for being an omega. They think it makes him weak and his existence dishonors their family. When they discover that the king’s son is looking for a mate they jump at the chance to rid themselves of Jared and increase their social standing. They believe that something good should come from the blight on their lives. (warning: mpreg)

Convincing the Consort by Sanshal on Ao3. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU. Breaking up with his boyfriend might have been the hardest thing Crown Prince Jensen Ackles had had to do in the line of duty… Except; it turned out that convincing said boyfriend that he wanted to make-up and marry him might just be even more difficult. (warning: mpreg)

Baiatul Pierdut by minchout on Ao3. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU. When the warrior king from the North decides to take Jared as his husband, Jared’s world is upended. However, he quickly realizes that being captured by a handsome king is really the least of his problems.

Imperative by ancastar on LiveJournal. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU. Jensen is lost in the woods, and Jared finds him.

Darkness Deep In You by aythia on Ao3. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU. Just because Jared offered himself up doesn't mean he’ll go down without a fight. The problem is that Jensen likes it when they fight because it makes it that much more delicious when they break. (heed all the warnings on this one,m folks!)

Unmake the Bed by deirdre_c on Ao3. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU. Jared has worked as part of the housekeeping staff at an elite Caribbean resort on Paradise Cay every summer all through college, crushing from afar on its most notorious celebrity guest: Jensen Ackles, the Playboy Prince of Espian. This year, he’s been assigned to attend to Jensen’s rooms, where he catches Jensen’s eye, and possibly his heart.

The Fairy Tale !verse by morrezela on Ao3. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU. Jared is a workman’s apprentice in the royal palace. He should be happy for the opportunity, but he really just wishes that he was back home. (no penetrative sex)

Love at First Sight by cleflink on Ao3. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU. Once upon a time, a stable boy loved a prince who'd never seen him. Who also happened to be his best friend. (no penetrative sex)

Vow of Protection by fiercelynormal on Ao3. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU. With his father slain by a ruthless enemy, Prince Jensen of Glenhaven must fight to take back his family's kingdom and to win the heart of his best friend, Jared. (no penetrative sex).

The Taking by morrezela on AO3. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU. Jared was on vacation on the mysterious and beautiful Parnath. He had known about the ‘takings’ that could happen; he just never thought that he would be that one tourist that would have it happen to him.

Estrangement by morrezela on Ao3. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU. Senior year of high school, Ross Blanco’s estranged father died. His death caused rifts that hadn’t the time to be fixed before Ross disappeared from his teenage home to go live with his grandmother. Now that his ten year reunion is approaching, the people Ross left behind might be in for a bit of a surprise. (no penetrative sex)

Silver City, Golden Heart by whispered_story on Ao3. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU. Jensen is just your normal easy-going elf prince, that is until Jared, the adorably charming stable boy, is captured by an evil necromancer. Aided by fairies, a mage, and a brownie, Jensen must ward off werewolves, a troll, a siren, and one very cranky wyvern to get his beloved Jared back.

If Only A Heart Could Be As White As Snow by zubeneschamali on LiveJournal. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU. What if Snow White had been a young man? It would not only have been his beauty that was a threat, but his future role as king. What if his best friend was a huntsman's son, and both of their worlds were shattered by the betrayal of a jealous stepfather… (no penetrative sex)

Keep on Yearning by Teot on A03 via the Wayback Machine. Jared/Jensen. J2 Non-AU-ish. Every member of the lore knows that shifters only mate with other shifters. When Jensen meets Jared, someone disconcertingly human, he reacts as if his body were on fire. But Jensen refuses to believe that Jared is his true mate. He’s already in a committed relationship with Danneel and Jared is engaged to his girlfriend Sandy. Factor in Jensen’s responsibilities as Prince and the rebellion he’d have on his hands if he chose a human for a mate, and any relationship with Jared should be dead on arrival. But the wolf in him doesn’t care about politics or existing relationships; it wants Jared, human or not. Further complicating everything is that Jared seems to be the target of humans, wolves and even the reclusive cougar clan. Could Jared be more than he seems? (warning: Jared/Sandy background)

Wincest

But Gently Pulls the Strings by eugara on Ao3. Sam/Dean. Wincest AU. When the Queen of Winchester finds herself unable to produce an heir for the kingdom, her ensuing plot results in two boys being born in secret and raised as companions—the elder, a prince, and the younger, a simple commoner. Unaware of their shared parentage, Dean Winchester and Sam Campbell grow up to fall deeply in love, keeping their affair hidden from the gossiping mouths of the court. But when it comes time for Dean to choose a spouse, the lovers are forced to contend with not only the weight of their scandalous past, but also Lucifer, the sinister archduke vying for Sam’s hand in marriage…and Dean’s rightful place on the throne.

Beauty and his Beast by virtualpersonal on AO3. Sam/Dean. Unrelated Wincest AU. Prince Dean crosses galaxies and ruthlessly strikes a bargain enabling him pluck Sam away from family and home . Sam only hopes he will survive the cruel attentions of this heartless half-man half-monster who has secret agendas and expectations that Sam cannot fathom. (Sam does use a dildo on Dean in one scene)

The Sheikh’s Reluctant Bride by restless-jedi on LiveJournal. Sam/Dean. Wincest AU. Sam, a young lawyer trying to get by, unexpectedly finds himself traveling overseas when a forgotten uncle dies. Dean, his adoptive cousin, is dashing, but distant, with a mysterious past.

#fanfic rec #royalty #bottom!jared #bottom!sam #a/b/o dynamics #king #prince #sheikh #mpreg #wincest au #j2 au

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